Emsolation

Dilemma Doctors: Em and Michael assist listener Melissa with a saucy love conundrum! Melissa is considering dating a woman who is polyamorous, she has always been in monogamous relationships but is VERY tempted by her new pal. What will Em and Michael advise?! You’ll have to listen to find out! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Em’s Dad Vincie is celebrating his 69th birthday, so we start our 69th episode reflecting on the glorious lunatic that he is, and we could also just have a slice of cake, or a cupcake, or some kind of chocolate about it as well huh, just to celebrate it...you know, properly. Once that’s done, we delve into the ridiculous standard of productivity Em used to consider completely necessary when we weren’t living under restrictions. In lockdown Em’s realised that all the things she was making and doing last year whilst just running on adrenaline, was unhealthy, and she wasn’t even enjoying herself while doing it. So the pandemic has meant slowing down and re-adjusting those expectations which has left her feeling way more settled, so now it’s just about marrying up the two and finding the right balance. Then we head into a hectic session of Em and Michael discussing Gladys Berejiklian’s personal relationship with Darryl Maguire, they cover off what’s been happening with the ICAC (Independent Commision Against Corruption) investigation, there’s some reflection time allocated to the dodgy boyfriends Em and Michael have had in the past and then somehow we also get some more podcast role play from both of them, because of course we do. This time around you’ll be able to experience a pretend Premiers Zoom meeting where none of the people’s names have been changed to protect the innocent, because none of them are innocent, duh. Michael returns as Daniel Andrews and Em takes on the role she probably never expected she’d have to, but here we are, she’ll bring Gladys Berejiklian to life, apparently it’s interesting (that interesting might have been delivered with laughs and a rising questioning tone at the end) and Em also said “I don’t know how we got there, but we did” so bless. Once you’ve experienced that there’s just enough time to cover off why Michael has suddenly found himself unable to watch Masterchef, even though he’s known for worshipping at the heels of Melissa Leong and lusting over Jock Zonfrillo...and maybe that’s part of the problem, you’ll find out within. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s been epiphany central at Em’s over the weekend, these things tend to happen when you dwell on thoughts about people who kind of hate you. This is not in any way a spoiler alert, but it’s something Em sometimes obsesses about, and by sometimes...I mean way too much. When Em was a twenty something, other people’s hatred kind of fueled her and drove her on, now it doesn’t sit so well. Over time Em’s realised she's more interested in having a life that feels as good as it can feel, which is why she’s so open and honest online. In sharing her struggles, it allows her to get them out of her own head, whilst hopefully helping other people feel better in their lives too. Em described this intro as being like a shower ramble, it’s basically a massive verbal spew of all the stuff she thought about while she had insomnia over the weekend, so you have her permission to skip it all if you’re not up for the full download, pffft good one. Em may have also admitted that she uses the start of this podcast as her own personal one way therapy session, which for Em is really the ultimate therapy session hehe. Then Michael returns to help deliver a brief rundown on the hectic meme cycle that kicked into action after that fly appeared on the Vice Presidential Debate, turns out 10 minutes after it landed on Pence, Em was officially done with the fly memes, swift result. There’s also the stunt that Trump apparently wanted to do when he left the hospital, Em and Michael actually think his idea was amazing and they’re actually disappointed he didn’t actually deliver on it. Then it’s time for a full deep dive into ‘Emily in Paris’ on Netflix, Em has a very complicated relationship with it, her pros are it’s from Darren Star who created shows like ‘Beverly Hills, 90210’, ‘Melrose Place’ and ‘Sex in the City’ but it’s also got lots of problematic issues too, especially if you’re actually French, Em figures you’re probably annoyed if that's the case. Ultimately Em hated it and loved it in equal measure, yes she consumed it very quickly, and yes they really go there and break it down. Then finally, because of course there’s more, in Melbourne it seems like everyone is battling with this last little bit of lockdown, it kind of feels like we’ve run the marathon, only to trip and stumble just 10 minutes from the finish line, so we’ll delve into that too. So take a deep breath and dive right in.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Em and Michael help Nikita (not her real name, but she wanted a sexy spy name so we chose Nikita) Nikita is getting married and has a difficult relationship with her mother, she wants to know if it’s okay to not invite her along to the big wedding dress shopping trip. It should be known that Em and Michael clash violently on the appropriate course of action, whose side will YOU be on?! I’m with Em, because she’s my boss.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s the one thing we’ve probably all been desperate to obtain, so it’s hardly surprising that Em and Michael are feeling it too, hence they’ve decided that this episode of Emsolation will be a Trump free zone. They just need a break from the toxic Cheeto wizard right now, and we’re pretty sure that no one, aside from Donald himself, is about to disagree with that decision. Instead they’ll focus more on the lighter stuff, like two shows they really love at the moment. For instance, there’s a famous podcast that’s just been turned into a documentary series on Netflix, it’s called ‘Song Exploder’ and it’s basically where musicians take apart their songs, and piece by piece, tell the story of how they were made. The debut series follows artists like Michael Stipe from R.E.M., Alicia Keys, Ty Dolla $ign and Lin-Manual Miranda, the creator of the hugely successful musical ‘Hamilton’, all revealing the process of how they created one of their greatest songs. Obviously Em and Michael absolutely LOVED it and they both cried their way through it as well. They then talk about Rihanna and her recent lingerie show for her Savage X Fenty - Volume 2 range. Em got emotional because she felt finally represented, there were real women doing the modelling, you could see their actual skin properly, with the lighting showing off the beauty of their stretch marks, the cellulite, their tan lines, just all of the things that normal people have, that the beauty industry tries to make us believe doesn’t exist. So again they absolutely loved it, and they’re both really feeling how Rihanna has morphed into this cool creative overlord now. So prepare for a delightful traipse through a podcast episode devoted to a bit of escapism and filled to the brim with delightful things for our ears and eyes, Em and Michael loved it, and we’re pretty sure you will too. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

First up we talk about Chrissy Teigen announcing the devastating loss of her son Jack and Em’s decision to speak about it on The Project. It’s not something Em originally wanted to talk about, but she also realised that she has made a commitment to talk about pregnancy loss in the hope it helps to remove the stigma and encourages other women to share their experiences with each other. Then it’s on to Trump and his positive test for Covid, as Em and Michael were recording this episode they actually got the news that he’d been released from hospital, so huzzah for some actual breaking news while in record mode for a podcast. They also cover off the doctors giving a different diagnosis to the White House, Michael is convinced that they also edited footage of Trump coughing out of the official videos he released, plus there’s the photo of Trump signing a piece of paper, which lead to questions around whether the paper he was signing was blank or not. There’s also time to talk about the documentary ‘Class Action Park’ that Michael has been watching. It’s about a really shonky amusement park in the 80’s that became famous for unsafe rides, underage and under trained employees, and alcohol consumption on premises, which naturally combined to result in a bunch of deaths. Anyway that blatant disregard for safety helped usher in a bunch of reminiscing about how shonky 80’s parenting actually was. Sure we had a lot of fun and it was a great decade, but it was also the only decade where you could truly be a negligent parent and actually get away with it. How so many of us actually survived that decade, probably needs to be researched and talked about on a deeper level, but for now we’ll just dip our toes in the memories of how hectic our childhoods were and share a few laughs about it. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This weeks Dilemma involves Janey, her soon to be turning 14 year old daughter and the Colonel. Janey is a theme queen - her daughter, not so much and when you're stuck in the Melbourne covid lockdown, there's a limit to the party planning you can do. Or is there? Can Em and Michael find an answer? And what's the Colonel got to do with it? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After revealing her traumatising school swim carnival experience in our previous episode, Em opens this episode by issuing a challenge for everyone listening to pass on their embarrassing puberty stories to the children in their life, in an effort to help normalize that experience and lessen the shame that surrounds young bodies as they’re changing. For instance, when the writer of this podcast description was a developing teenager, he chose to attack all the new furry growth on my pants region with my father's dry razor, and then show my younger brothers so they wouldn’t harass me about having hair down there. In hindsight that probably wasn’t a great idea, it opened me up to even more ridicule from my brothers, who also told their friends, plus the experience of having an itch down there from shaving rash when you’re 13, isn’t a fun ride either. Lesson learnt, and perhaps if my parents had helped normalise the changes my body was experiencing, I wouldn’t have introduced myself to manscaping so early. So Em is encouraging you to share those times when your body went rogue as a kid, but also keep it age appropriate, there’s no point freaking them out too early. Michael returns to help Em talk through the steaming shit pile that was the US Presidential debate, Em is willing to declare a winner, Michael does no such thing. Then it’s on to JK Rowling and her transphobic comments and how much that has been affecting people who love the Harry Potter books. Em has recently been grappling with that problem because her youngest daughter Odette is right into Harry Potter at the moment, which raises the question about whether you can separate the artist from their art. To wrap things up, Em and Michael are  basically trying to start a movement by urging Dan Andrews to give himself a break, they think it’s time to issue him with a #DayOffDan. So if you’re ready to get on board with that idea, and everything else we’ve flagged above, assume your favourite listening position and enjoy See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know reality TV has ruined the word ‘journey’ for each and every one of us, so in approaching the writing of the description for this episode, I went searching for another word that would help describe the odyssey (that’s the first one, more to come hehe) you’re about to launch into. We begin this episode with all all the ouchy wah wah info on Em and her sore ankle, she had to be cut from her huffy puffy workout wear and it’s ruined her new running schedule, but also, she’s confined to the couch, so maybe her ankles did this deliberately. Anyway once that’s done, it’s onto all the stuff that’s been going on with Victoria’s Labor Party, which includes Jenny Mikakos leaving, Dan easing restrictions for Victorians and Em and Michael admitting that they don’t really care who’s responsible, they basically just want them to get on with it. There’s also time to delve into what’s going on in the US with Donald Trump’s tax return and his choice for the new Supreme Court Judge to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Then our aural expedition (another word for journey) heads off into painful story town, this one is actually inspired by Em’s latest binge watching obsession of the new series on Stan called ‘Pen15’. It’s a comedic story about middle school as seen through the eyes of two 7th grade girls dealing with the awkwardness of being a teenager. This TV series has given Em the confidence to reveal a story that she’s been keeping to herself for a VERY long time. It basically involves a tampon and a school sport carnival, so you already get that this expedition, this sojourn, this actual jaunt into Em’s past, has left her describing it as “quite the journey” (sometimes journey truly is the best option, curse you reality TV) anyway there’s twists and turns, Michael almost couldn’t keep listening and wondered if he’d be able to see it through. So maybe you should just make sure you prepare yourself to relive a smidge of high school trauma, but then ultimately, hopefully, you’ll come out the other side feeling better. Good luck everyone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Remember when you used to race to get Dolly magazine the second it came out from the news agency?! First you’d rip the free blue eyeshadow off that was stuck to the cover, briefly pause to have a smell of the new impulse fragrance and then you’d go quickly to the Dolly doctor section! There you’d find questions about nipples, pubes and intimate smells... Well this is kind of the podcast version of that, except not really. Em and Michael are the Dilemma Doctors and they’re here to solve your dilemmas! No dilemma is too big or too small. But maybe let’s keep them petty so we can be funny about it. Enjoy the first instalment of the Dilemma Doctor’s, Em and Michael help a man to figure out how to tell his partner he’s not very good at giving gifts. FUN! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices