Emsolation

You do realise that if I’m actually writing this description, and then you are actually reading it, then that must mean that Em and Michael have been chatting and someone has been hitting record right? Ya huh that's EXACTLY what it means, Emsolation is back for Season 2 and we have a lot to work through, like a LOT. It’s safe to say that most of Australia is probably shook with what’s been happening within Australian politics lately, so Em and Michael need to work through the cavalcade of whack that’s recently been revealed. There’s the revelation that some men have been treating the desks of female MP’s as collection points for their repugnant DNA. They cannot believe what's been happening there, nor that people have the time to do stuff like that at work. They’re also worried about what’s been going down at the chapel inside Parliament House too, and they just really want to know what Scomo’s going to do about it all. He keeps saying he’s listening, but we’re all worried about what’s going to happen next. Then it’s on to the news that Em is off to witness the premiere of the Australian version of Hamilton LIVE. ON. STAGE. The level of excitement coursing through every cell of Em’s body is currently too much for her to deal with, so much so that she can’t even really articulate it, so expect some actual squeals, in place of conversation, when it all gets too much. There’s also time to reflect on Em’s upcoming performances at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, it’s a love letter to Melbourne, and naturally a second show has already been announced, probably because the first one sold out before Em even had a chance to say “go buy tickets, swipe up NOW” on her Insta-stories. She’s also decided she’s not going to be anxious before she performs anymore, mostly because it’s a waste of time and energy, unlike this podcast, which is worth ALL of your time and can actually rebuild your energy levels. So grab your headphones and level up with the contents of this episode of Emsolation. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HUZZAH! It’s surprise bonus episode time! That’s right, that thing you know you needed right this very minute, because obvs you were feeling this in your waters, or had that my podcast is back spidey tingle, or just saw it teased all over the socials, has SUDDENLY RETURNED! It’s been months and sooooo many things have gone down, so why wouldn’t we come back to work our way through a grab bag of our favourite finds. So grab your headphones and settle in for a cavalcade of all of the things, as Em and Michael return to update us on stuff like the brand new Britney Spears doco ‘Framing Britney Spears’, the sumptuously designed soapy drama that is the Netflix series ‘Bridgerton’, and even how mumfluencer and wife of Alec Baldwin, Hilaria, turned out to not be actually Spanish. There’s also time to chat the stunning 80’s realness of the Stan series ‘It’s A Sin’, the clusterfluff of the Capitol riots and the follow up Inauguration, Meaghan and Harry announcing they’re pregnant again, PLUS Em’s upcoming stage show AND Michael’s upcoming TV series. So consider this your big, massive catch up episode and enjoy it at your earliest convenience...maybe don’t binge it all in one sitting, or you could binge it and then binge it again, or just sample a few minutes, get a few giggles in, then give it a rest until you’re ready for some more….or just try all of those options perhaps. Look we’re just excited to be back, so we’re probably rambling a bit, but you know what to do so have at it. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hands up who wants to hurriedly push 2020 out the door like it’s some long lost Uncle who gatecrashed your Christmas party, insulted and traumatised your guests, and sneezed all over your food. We’re gonna assume most of you raised your hands so fast that you pretty much punched the sky in your haste to confirm that we is all well and truly done with this dumpster fire of a year. As this will be our final episode of Emsolation for the year, Em and Michael have a bunch of stuff they wanna work through before they bid you bye bye. First up, they’ll tackle the backlash Lizzo is receiving for promoting a 10 day smoothie detox that she’s just completed on Instagram. Em and Michael also wanna talk about how the debut novel from a new feminist author called Florence Given, has been completely derailed, after a one time friend of Florence accused her of ripping off Black women's work for her book ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’. Then it’s time to grab a large popcorn, a choc top and a stupidly large fizzy drink, and settle into your recliner for the greatest story ever told. Em is ready for the tea to be spilled as she runs us through what she’s calling ‘The Final Meltdown’. This ain't no movie, it’s not a musical, a book, or even a song, although it probably could be turned into all of those things, nope ‘The Final Meltdown’ is what Em is calling what went down when the whole year just came up and hit her in the face during her family beach holiday. Basically, Em just let her family know ALL the things they’d done during the year, that made her feel unappreciated. Em is describing it as The Greatest Tale that she’s ever told, she even likens herself to being a Slow Cooker. Finally, we wrap things up on some fun, with a Michael Lucas Madonna quiz, which we’re pretty much doing just so we can really illustrate how deep Michael’s complete obsession for Madge is. We also wanna thank everyone for coming along on this hilariously hectic and glitter stuffed ride, we promise there’s more of that to come in 2021 and we’re sending podcast hugs to you and yours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of Emsolation is a little on the hefty side, naturally it’s filled to the brim with the usual campery and fun, we even get a chance to revisit one of Em’s favourite topics, conspiracy theories, but the one thing helping to make this an extra long episode? Probably something to do with the solid 20 minutes that Em devotes to ranting about James Corden in the new Netflix movie ‘The Prom’. Ultimately Em loved ‘The Prom’, why wouldn’t she, it’s got Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman in it, it’s got singing, dancing and LOTS of glitter and campery, so naturally all of that is a giant yaaas. However Em just wishes they’d hire proper singers and dancers, she was so mad, but then she still loved it because she’s meant to love it. Em stayed up all night thinking about it, so here’s the takeaways, Meryl is pretty solid, Nicole is loopy and definitely not a Fosse dancer, and James Corden...well you should probably just listen to get the full rundown on Em’s thoughts on James, so prep yourself for a lot of talk about ‘The Prom’, like, a LOT. Then we move onto Taylor Swift’s new album ‘evermore’ and some of the secret meanings behind the songs that her fans have decided are DEFINITELY true. Em is all about Taylor Swift song conspiracy theories, mostly because they are safe conspiracy theories, you know they’re not telling people to drink bleach or convince you every vaccine has microchips inside. Instead they push theories about the meanings of Taylor’s lyrics, who the songs are about, and even announcing the names of her famous friends' forthcoming babies. Finally we’ll devote a bit of time to Delta Goodrem’s Christmas Special, so this episode is pretty much camper than Christmas, so camp you should probs wrap yourself in tinsel and hang a Christmas bauble on each ear while you listen, you know, just to team with the theme. Or not, we’re not about to tell you how you should dress while you listen, so please feel free to get around it in the nude if that works better, you do you boo. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s start this description off with an acknowledgement that Em and Michael, are both operating from weird, scatterbrained places this week. Michael is in the midst of filming his new TV series called ‘The Newsreader’ which is coming to the ABC in 2021. As you can imagine, filming a TV series is a HUGE effort, it’s full on from start to finish, so that means Michael needs to be everywhere, all at once, doing everything from putting out fires, to the general hysteria that comes from managing a bunch of creative people who are all working to bring your script to life. Meanwhile, Em was settling into her first counselling session with a brand spanking new psychologist this week, so she’s been pretty focussed on that. Hence Em and Michael figure why not talk about all of that in this podcast, let’s just talk about it. Once they’ve taken you from the pandemonium of filming a TV series during a pandemic, to the blurk of being on a brand new couch about to go over all of your things with a new psychologist, they’ll move onto the sexy retelling of the Colonel Sanders origin story, starring 90’s heart throb Mario Lopez. Yes you hungie percent read that right, and yes it is the same Colonel Sanders who introduced the world to Kentucky Fried Chicken. It would seem that Lifetime and KFC have partnered together to throw some money into making a sexy 15 minute mini movie, a romantic thriller if you will. Em and Michael have zero idea how much of this romantic rendering of the Colonel’s origin story is true, but they can report that they are here for it and also that there isn’t a sex scene that involves KFC gravy and a bed of hot chips, all filmed by a drone, which really does seem like a missed opportunity. There’s also a bunch of chat around the hardships of starting with a new therapist and the process of telling them ALL of the things. Then we wrap up by reflecting on Madge getting a tattoo, because when Madonna gets ink for the very first time, obviously we’re gonna be there to reflect it and critique it. So set your brains to scatter, with a sprinkling of weird (which is probably how most of us operate them on the regular anyway) and you’ll once again find this listening experience very agreeable. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a regular consumer of this podcast, when we tell you that the content of today’s episode will cover everything from a Mariah Carey Christmas Special, the relentless weirdness of Rudy Giuiliani over the last few weeks, plus more on ‘The Crown’ and that doyen of all things soooo hot right now, Harry Styles, then you’d realise we’ve stumbled across peak Emsolation content. As you can no doubt imagine, having assembled THE perfect menu for Em and Michael to reflect on, most of this podcast will obviously be dominated by reflecting the Queen of Christmas returning to our TV screens. You’ll experience a full review from Em on ‘Mariah Carey’s Magical Christmas Special’, mostly delivered without actually pausing for breath, so prepare yourself for a verbal tsunami of Diva inspired gushing. Then it’s onto Netflix’s refusal to acknowledge at the beginning of each episode of ‘The Crown’ that the series isn’t an actual documentary. That refusal has helped trigger a new round of hatred towards Camilla and Charles as they find themselves suddenly unpopular again as a result of the new seasons storyline. After we work through that, it’s onto the clusterfluff of relentless “What the actual WHAT!??!” that has been Rudy Guiliani over the last six weeks. Rudy has perfected his own brand of cray-cray and as a result we’ve been dragged through one of the most hectic rides we’ve ever witnessed...so naturally there’s a LOT to talk through. Finally, we see things out with the unending joy that is Harry Styles and his banana, which has inspired Michael to undertake the Harry Styles Banana Photo Challenge. That probably deserves an explanation...but also NOT giving you an explanation OR any context before you see the end result of all Michael’s banana wrangling (as presented in living colour with Em Rusciano approved insta filters attached) is waaaay more fun, hence we’ll be going with that. So grab your headphones, find your favourite space to let your giggles out, and have at the hilarity within, now with an added bonus photographic challenge for you to enjoy once you’re done as well...so many gifts to share hehe. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s the final year of the Trump administration living large at the White House, which also means it’s the final year of Melania doing the White House Christmas decorations. Thanks to a bit of leaked audio recorded by a former BFF of Melania, we know she doesn’t “give a f*** about Christmas stuff and decorating. But I need to do it right?”, yes, yes you do Melania. Hence she’s no doubt been showing off her lack of f***s by decking the halls with a variety of weird options, from a forest of 40 blood red Christmas trees, that looked like they’d been the victim of a Carrie style prom night prank, to hallways lined with dead branches, all painted stark white, then shoved into giant white pot plants. So for her final effort, Em was kind of hoping Melania would go for more of a gothic, emo expression with her festive festooning, just as her final fuck you to Americans, sadly she’s gone very traditional with her “America the beautiful” theming. Em and Michael also need to chat about Tara Reid approaching Nicole Kidman via the Instagram comments section on a post by our original BMX Bandit. Seems Tara is on the hustle for actors to appear in a new film she’s producing that revolves around drugging the attendees of a kids party with magic mushrooms, as you do. Rather than bother with agents, and her people talking to their people, Tara seems to have figured, pffft as if, I’m just gonna hit up Nicole Kidman in the comments section of that picture she just casually posted on the ‘gram. At the time of recording, we were still unsure if Nicole had responded yet, Tara and the rest of us, will probably be waiting for a very long time on that reply. Convo’s around Nicole Kidman naturally usher in discussions about whether it is okay or not, to be commenting on Nicole’s face. Naturally, Em would usually say “NO we just don’t comment on the way a woman looks” but she also found Nicole's face was actually distracting at times whilst watching her star in ‘The Undoing’. So prepare yourself for some yuletide yawning, a what the actual what moment of Tara Reid realness, and a tentative talk about how to freeze a face for all eternity, so standard Emsolation action really. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

While we’ve been serving lockdown realness from our lounge rooms, our lady and saviour Dolly Parton has been busy. Not only has she used a stack of her millions to help fund the development of a Covid vaccine, she’s also just casually composed, co-produced and performed in a Christmas movie musical. So naturally Em and Michael will be spending a large portion of this episode deep diving into the seasonal wonder that is the Netflix movie ‘Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square’. To start we’ll need to talk about the outfits, we also need to talk about how Dolly is a VERY sparkly, glamourous, homeless woman, but...she’s Dolly, so as if she isn’t going to be Dolly. Christine Baranski is amazing as Lady Scrooge, but we need to state for the podcast record that Em is quoted as describing it as “really bad, it’s bad, but it’s so bad, it’s good, it really is in that realm”. Em and Michael’s excitement about Mariah Carey’s upcoming Christmas special needs to be reflected too. Speaking of being in Santa season, Michael feels that everyone’s been very eager to put up their Christmas decorations this year, something Em helped confirm when she dropped her “Jason Momoa in a Sparkly Leotard” Christmas extravaganza the previous week. There’s also Rhonda Burchmore being omitted from performing at Carols by Candlelight and how much they loved that she publicly called them out about the snub. Then Michael takes a moment to talk a lot of smack about Carols in the Domain, because he feels that Carols by Candlelight is vastly superior. So secure the drip guard around the base of that lit candle, grab a bag of festively tainted popcorn, and settle in for all that tea to be spilt. Then we talk about the brand new Shawn Mendes documentary that left Em feeling largely underwhelmed, her take away being “he’s clearly a young man who’s just terrified all the time”. Sadly it wasn’t a great rockumentary, especially when you compare it to the benchmark that Madonna set when she released her groundbreaking ‘Truth or Dare’/’In Bed with Madonna’ doco. To see us out Em has an announcement about how Drake should absolutely never play Barack Obama, so secure those headphones of yours over your listen holes or hit the volume on your speakers and get some Emsolation happening.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that some people choose a theme when it comes time to dig the Christmas decorations out of storage and deck the halls? Neither did I, but apparently it’s a thing and of course Em is the one who’s made me aware of this fantastical festive festooning fact. This year her theme is...something I would have never considered would be a Christmas decorating starting point, but that’s why we’re here, to celebrate the fact that Em’s seeing in Santa with a “Jason Momoa in a sparkly leotard” theme. You’ll find your confusion will probably dissipate if you check out the added visuals that complete the Christmas theming story on Em’s socials. Theme established, it’s on to Em and Michael talking his new TV show coming to the ABC in 2021, it’s called ‘The Newsreader’. The lead female character is a feisty ethnic woman fighting against the straight white male TV Executives who are trying to make her be something that she’s not. Apparently Michael reckons it’s definitely not based on Em in any way, it’s just not, he’s totes doesn’t know where he got the inspiration though which seems a teensy bit weird. Then we chat about Dan Andrews not running for Federal Politics, which Em and Michael just see as a challenge, it’s a long term goal for them, they’ll probably just need to talk to his wife and get him back on board. We then attempt to calmly express Em’s dismay at an Instagram post from some Melbourne socialite guy, who took time out to share a pic of his new girlfriend, and also shit all over his equally famous former wife in the caption. Em felt it was a misstep for him, she also failed at expressing that calmly, because it really struck a chord with her. There’s also questions about what goes into orchestrating the perfect crying selfie, is it all about the angles? Where should the tear placement be? Can you rock a snot bubble if you capture it in the light beautifully? You know, just normal, stock standard stuff, which then leads to Em confronting Michael on how he never likes any of her photos on Instagram. Basically once Em gently unlatches the restraining bolt on her rage beast, it’s very hard for her to focus, like she’s really distracted, you’ll hear it, so grab your headphones and see if you can pick the moment she let’s it off the chain. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine for a moment that this podcast were a Theme Park, we’d probably call it something snazzy like Emsolation Land, and then this episode would be the BIG DIPPER, our Ultimate Rollercoaster Ride, this is the one that you’d gladly spend hours toasting in the sun, just waiting to finally get strapped into. In fact, you probably need this intro just to cushion you for the full experience we’re about to go on together. We start with Em’s intro, where she reveals how a panic attack inspired a request on socials for your most embarrassing high school stories. Em was hoping that by resharing them on the ‘gram it would help her, and everyone else, realise that we ALL have our own stuff. Then we step into all the different ways that Em’s anxiety chooses to display itself. For donkeys Em thought what she experienced was unique to her, but by talking about it, she’s realised that others feel the exact same way. So maybe when you’re listening to this, you’ll also find yourself going “oh my goodness, I feel nauseous too when I start getting anxious, or sleepy, or impulsive”. Then Em delivers what she described as “an absolute whirlwind, verbal explosion” which includes a moment where Michael has to leave to answer his front door, but Em just keeps the podcast going because she just has so much that she needed to say. There’s the new collaboration between Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa to reflect on, it would seem that Em wanted more, Michael however was happy with it. Barack Obama sat down with Oprah for an interview, which leads to a chat about what Em and Michael’s Presidential biographies would be titled. Em isn’t a fan of the title of Barack’s, but surprise, surprise, not really anymore but anyway, yes Michael was okay with it. We then arrive at the point of the podcast where Em launches into a very passionate 15 minute sermon on the John Farnham Musical, and why SHE should be playing John. Finally, we wrap up on the article that was written about Em and Michael’s friendship, just so that Em can critique him on his answers, she’s very sweaty by the end of all of this. Oh, she also nearly cries a few times as well, just out of passion...and anxiety. You basically won’t need to exercise after you’ve listened, because you’ll actually feel like you’ve run a marathon. It’s a total whirlwind, so strap in, keep your head down and avoid the flying dairy cows. There are no cows, that’s just a lame ‘Twister’ reference we threw in for added drama and effect. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices