Emsolation

Our title might suggest that this podcast is trying to slide into your DM’s for some sexy time, or that this Emsolation episode is just wall to wall “booty call” chat...but there’s only one reference to it. Before that reference makes an appearance though, there’s time for some cake chat (mmmm now I wanna eat cake), then it’s on to lockdown life in Victorian for a 4th time. Aside from the top to toe clean Em’s house is experiencing, the only other thing we have to cling to is the daily Covid press conferences, featuring appearances from the rather dishy Victorian Health Minister, Brett Sutton, and the other pervable sensation of 2020, HOT Auslan guy. They’re both back on our screens offering up their version of sexy for Em and Michael to drool over. Naturally if you aren’t in Victoria you’re probably going to have to do an online search for Brett Sutton and the Hot Auslan Guy, if you haven’t already. That discussion helps usher in some thoughts from Michael around his 20’s and also how lockdown has inspired a rush to get vaccinated. That means Em and Michael suddenly find themselves doing a bit of vaccine chat, and as we all know, there’s nothing problematic about that conversation EVER, is there? Well actually, YES, there is a LOT of problematic around that convo, especially on social media, and Em and Michael aren’t afraid to talk about it and break it all down. We also asked you what you wanted us to chat about on the show in our Instagram stories, and it seems most of you were mad keen on getting to the bottom of the negative reaction the media and officials had to Naomi Osaka’s decision to pull out of press conferences at the French Open. Em gets a chance to show off how tennis she is, talks about the pressure of media conferences and being in the spotlight, and even tries to list all the tennis players she knows, turns out way more than she thought. Finally, we touch on why Michael’s name isn’t on the Emsolation branding and we also gotta talk about the Cruella de Vil origin story that Disney have just released in cinemas and online. It’s called ‘Cruella’ and stars Emma Stone and Emma Thompson, safe to say both Em and Michael are LIVING for it, with Em fully peaking. The critics have been a smidge dismissive in their reviews, but Em and Michael are having none of that, in fact, Em is so inspired by what she saw on screen, that she’s been trying to work out how she can factor a cape with a fiery reveal into her day to day life. So settle in for a whirlwind ride from cake, all the way to campery, once again, standard, hugs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After spending last week's episode delving into ye olde STI’s, it would seem our old mate Coronavirus was feeling totes left out, so it’s just gone out and slapped us with its own low key super spreader event in Melbourne, because of course it has. The fact that Em and her band are just days away from FINALLY getting back on the road, clearly means sweet buggery all to the bane of 2020 and beyond that is Covid19. There’s naturally no need to place any bets on if the Unicorn of Death will canter out to call it for a snap lockdown, she’s already bolted from the stable and frightened the barnyard chickens by saying it's happening and the Magical Seahorse of Hope has resigned himself to coming along for the ride. There’s a tiny meltdown about what this means for touring performers and all the people that are employed to help deliver us these much needed artistic escapes. Michael tries to help, by looking for a brightside, but fails miserably, at the very least he may have helped develop another name for a forthcoming tour, or book title or True Hollywood Story from Em. Then it’s all about the sequins, jockstraps and other random such and such, that is, the 2021 Eurovision contest, although Em and Michael aren’t as impressed with the level of wackness that Eurovision seems to be delivering on the regular now. It all seems a bit too polished and profesh, and even more weirdly, some of the songs are actually really good, which NEVER used to be the case. There is however LOTS to discuss, from the UK entrant, to the winning country of Italy and the accusations of rampant on camera booger sugar abuse. Em has all of the thoughts worth entertaining, she also still has her dream of making her Eurovision debut as well, but obvs her on stage scenario will be more in keeping with old school Eurovision feels. Once we’ve worked through that super detailed fever dream, we still have time to talk the big Throuple alert of the week...is that kind of alert a thing yet? It is now, after the internet frothed out over pictures that seemed to show a three way smooch happening between New Zealand's favourite movie guru and funny guy, Taika Waititi, Hollywood actor Tessa Thompson, and UK singer Rita Ora. Em and Michael were understandably excited by the theories and thoughts the photos have created, but they aren’t about to call it as worthy of applying official throuple status to just yet. Finally, Michael seems to have developed an obsession for a singer who’s waaaay too young for his ears, and Em isn’t afraid to call him out on it. Michael’s connection and passion for 18 year old Olivia Rodrigo’s debut album ‘Sour’, is something Em can’t and won’t support and she’s definitely not having it. Find out why, plus experience an eerily accurate performance from Em of how a lot of up and coming female performers are now approaching the art of singing, it’s truly haunting and well worth a listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stand back everyone, because this episode comes with added ye olde sexually transmitted diseases chat. It would seem that Melbourne is currently experiencing a syphilis outbreak, who knew...apparently a LOT of you did, because you flooded our DM’s demanding we talk about it, hence it’s time to sanitize your ears and dive right in because Em has done a syphilis deep dive (which sounds like a slang way of describing casual sex in 16th century Europe) anyway, now she is filled to the brim and ready to dump a bunch of syphilis facts into our brains. Before we get into the syphilitic stats though, we’ve got a bit of Dad chat from Em and Michael, then it's onto the news that Melbourne’s rate of syphilis infections has nearly doubled in the last 4 years. Together Em and Michael will walk us through all the horrific facts about the outbreak, like how it appears, but also doesn’t really very much at all and how leaving it untreated has terrible consequences. They also manage to squeeze in a stack of different scenarios from a Brett Sutton reference, to details of super spreader syphilis events and hot spots, as well as orgy warnings, a family tree of your sexual conquests, and Em wanting to take on the job of contact tracing. They also manage to rope Daniel Andrews back in front of the cameras for a super spreader press conference. After that we’re ushering in the latest list of what we’re watching with Michael offering up the challenging but epic series from Amazon ‘The Underground Railroad’ plus his adulation for Kate Winslet’s new series ‘Mare of Easttown’ continues. Em’s latest must watch list includes a Tina Fey series that she initially didn’t rate after seeing the first episode, but she’s all apologies now. You’ll hear that apology as well as a proper rundown on why the new series ‘Girls 5 Eva’ on Stan is actually dumb, but it’s also funny and the songs are utterly hilarious. Then we check in on the new series from Ryan Murphy (who created Glee, Nip/Tuck, American Horror Story, Feud, Hollywood and sooo many more) on Netflix called ‘Halston’. Prepare yourself for Em to go full froth and spiral out of control on this show because it's got all of the things that make Em go giddy, like amazing fashion and fashion parades, Liza Minelli, incredible sets, gays, orgies, and LOTS of up the bum action. So don’t watch this one with the kids, or do, but do it how Em watches it with her kids, her tips on how to do that are within. It’s the kind of TV review any TV show creator would ache for, and I’m pretty sure even Netflix would be excited by it, although they may be a smidge shocked by it too. As for us, well, we know what to expect when Em is fully on board and getting all her boxes ticked, so get ready for another “is she having a stroke” moment and maximum LOLs within. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, first up we should acknowledge the over supply of Jennifers in the title of this episode. Truth be told, there’s definitely NOT a thousand Jennifers in this podcast, sure we mention a few of them, but it’s more like they just pop up when we least expect them, which naturally inspired the title. Before we usher in the first of our Jennifers though, we apparently need to check in on Michaels recently installed temple to tampons and sanitary pads, it’s a bit of gay guy gloat though, so Em obviously calls it out and claps back. Then it’s onto the bulk of the Jennifer action as we check in on all the latest developments in the world of Jennifer Lopez, aka J’Lo, aka Jenny from the Block, aka Bennifer. That last one seems to have been resurrected from the gossip grave of 2004 because Jen and Ben (Affleck) have been seen spending even more time together. That ushers in all the theories Em and Michael can muster, which means we cover everything from if they are together, is it a stunt, why we’re so invested in Bennifer, how they met, other Jennifers, a weird Gwyneth Paltrow tangent, a J’Lo insider who sent DM’s to Em, the music videos, how Jennifer's butt predates the Kardashians derriere domination (which also inspired an episode title that was ultimately rejected) all the way through to an interesting suggestion from Michael and a statement that ultimately proves very telling for Em. Then Michael assumes the role of Jana Wendt and goes in deep with all the right questions around Em’s recent ADHD diagnosis (now that we think about it, we fully missed the opportunity to add to the roster of Jennifers by getting him to go all Jennifer Keyte or Jennifer Byrne on the questions instead...doh). Together they’ll work through Em’s recent Facebook post about it, what inspired her to get tested, what the testing involved, how Em tried to trick the testing, the shame she felt around the diagnosis, the treatment and medication she’s now using, the changes she’s had to make, how much Em achieved without that diagnosis and treatment, what's working for her and even a moment of reflection on who she might have been if she’d been diagnosed earlier. There’s a lot to process, and it’s still early days, but ultimately we’re all thankful for who Em is, and proud of her for always being so open about what she thinks, feels and wants to share with us. To wrap things up in this bumper issue of Emsolation, we’ll see it all out with a HUGE Madonna Expert Off between Michael and Em’s other die hard Madge fan, Dan Brophy. As quiz master, Em will test them across 20 super niche Madonna questions to see who is the ultimate fan girl for the Queen of Pop. So prepare for lots of Jennifer, an ADHD deep dive and a Madonna quiz worth getting shouty about...and one very loud moment of table slapping from Michael….bless. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever had a moment where you’re about to do something totes important, like say...another episode of your low key, but also hugely successful podcast, and suddenly it’s all CODE RED, you’re panic struck, wondering, am I destroying my fave pink and subtle grey leopard print jeans right now, whilst you casually spit out a rogue Japanese flag reference? Exactly, well maybe not exactly that, but, same feels and you get the picture...and you’ll also get the full lived experience in audio form within this episode as well. Aside from the blow-out, as beautifully articulated in real time by our fearless host Em Rusciano, there’s also Russian hackers to dismiss, the Queensland deputy premier Steven Miles to chat about, he accidentally called Scomo a right royal c-word at the Labour Day March in Brisbane when describing Scotty’s decision to attend the ‘Rockhampton Beef Week Annual Industry Awards’ instead of the rally. Michael has a technical glitch which inspires an impromptu musical performance from Em, then we encounter the red dot special scenario, then it’s back to ‘Beef Week’, there’s a perfectly placed pun, the shock and trauma that comes from agreeing with Andrew Bolt, and the horrific crisis unfolding in India. After that we move onto a Tik Tok post that exposed Ben Affleck’s rejection via the exclusive ‘none of us are invited’ celebrity Tinder app ‘Raya’. Naturally Em wants an invite, but only so she can friend all the celebs real hard, Ben Affleck leads us to J’Lo, which ushers in a chance for Em and Michael to catalogue all of her terrible life choices when it comes to men. We also find time to talk Billie Eilish debuting a brand new look on the cover of British Vogue, which unsurprisingly activates Michael’s Madonna nerd mode plus there’s Em’s cover debut on Stellar Magazine to reflect as well. Finally we tie it all together with a revisit to leak week to discuss how much Em’s vagina is going to come for her for using wads of toilet paper to shore up the blow out. So get ready for more hectic hilarity in your ears as soon as you press play. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did someone say “technical issues”, YES, yes they did, they also said “arggghhh” and “why the fuck isn’t this working” and also “I just wanna come in and it works without all this technical bullshit” so after dealing with a spinning wheel of death, a couple of forced quits and 45 minutes worth of various emotions, with added shutting down and signing in again, Michael suggested he jump in his car and drive to Em’s so they could record this show face to face. Once ALL of that was done we FINALLY got an episode happening for you, but boy was it hard fought and mentally exhausting…pretty much. We start with a full rundown of the Oscars, which were a ratings failure, Em and Michael didn’t even watch them, but they’ve both seen enough highlights to have opinions on all of the things, as you’d expect, like Glenn Close being an utter legend, the terrible idea not to have Best Picture as the final award, and Anthony Hopkins doing an acceptance speech the day after the event. Then we side step into all the must see TV series you need to get around, from Disney Plus giving us ‘The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ to Netflix doing their own version of a Disney animated wonder, with the release of ‘Over the Moon’, there’s also a hectic rundown of the fantasy series ‘Shadow and Bone’, plus Michael wants to give props to Kate Winslet for getting down and dirty and even limping through her role as a detective in her new series ‘Mare of Easttown’. Then Em’s dad Vincie stops by to deliver a bottle of wine, just in time for a full breakdown of Harry Styles new role as a dreamy voiced sleep story host for the app Calm, that then leads Michael to reveal Harry’s new movie role, which inspires Em to suggest the team at 365 Days get their drone up into the stratosphere so they can really get around Harry’s sex scene shoot. We also need to talk Em objectifying Jock from Masterchef on The Project, how she has a rather unique kink for gardening scenarios and then we somehow end up talking through which Disney Princes are worthy of bonking, so prepare yourself for some animated bestiality, not even kidding. Oh yeah, also ALL of this happened inside the confines of the creepy doll room that Em’s mum has at her house, so expect a view of one such creepy doll on our socials for added visual horror, you might wanna grab a glass of wine for the audio journey too, but see how you go, good luck everyone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So you know that idiom about not stirring up a hornet’s nest? Well this episode of Emsolation has so much content that could be reflected by that little saying...and then some. In fact we’re not just stirring it up, we are whacking it with a bat, then kicking it along the ground, maybe setting it on fire, then we are calling in the army to bomb the bejesus out of it too. So grab your beverage of choice, take a deep breath and adopt the pose of a pest controller with their flamethrower set to incinerate, because we got some talking to do. The first thing we wanna add to the extinct list is the Government’s attempt at a consent video using milkshakes and tacos and getting pizza. It was so bad that when we asked the simple question “what do you wanna hear on the pod this week” via the Emsolation Instagram stories (are you following Emsolation on Instagram? You totes should) the replies referred to that bin fire that was the Milkshake consent video soooo much, that it was kind of like the cyber equivalent of one of those Aussie outback mouse plagues, so naturally we will start things off with that. Apologies to anyone who is now creeped out by thoughts of a gazillion mice pouring out of every nook and cranny, let’s move on….or do we not want to move on because we also have to cover off this next item. Em and Michael are also going to gently dip their toes into the Bluey backlash that exploded on Facebook after Em added her thoughts to the “we love Bluey but how good would it be if it was a smidge more inclusive” suggestion. Their toes dip gently as we begin, but by the end they are jumping around in the water and splashing it about and having an awesome time, promise. Finally, even though Em spent the last episode of this podcast talking up how much she wanted to witness the funeral for Prince Phillip, she actually hardly watched any of it. However, as you will bear witness, just because Em didn’t see each and every moment of the Royal funeral, doesn’t mean she isn’t more than capable of filling in the gaps. In fact, she will fill in so many gaps that you would need a microscope to see how fine her gap filling skills are, she even manages to conjure up scenarios you didn’t even think were humanly possible to conjure up. Yes it is true that Em may have had a teensy stroke while navigating all of the scenario conjuring, but it's hilarious nonetheless and well worth the wait, but don’t wait too long, like even this is wasting your time, so stop reading and go listen NOW! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s announcement time, so we start this episode with Em’s big reveal, you will need to pretend it comes with explosions of glitter, streamers and other gaiety that wasn’t added during recording, mostly because when you unleash stuff like that into a confined space, it makes a huge mess and no one wants to be dealing with that clean up. Then Michael joins Em to demand he’s like Madonna, seems pretty standard by now, we then swiftly move onto the big news of the past week like the death of Prince Phillip. It seems like the announcement of his passing has been endless, so naturally we take time out to cover off all of the things, from Lizzie’s loss after nearly 75 years of having him by her side, which prompts Em to wonder who the Queen’s version of her Michael Lucas is. There’s also the twitter pile and the jokes and memes that followed, the completely understandable reaction Indigenous people had to the news and even the media’s stock pile of pre-prepared tributes to reflect the passing of the famous, which may have inspired Em to think about what hers would look like if she got one. We also couldn’t talk the Royal Family without wondering what Fergie will be doing when it comes time for the funeral, will she even be invited? There’s also a brand new Shero worth celebrating, her name is Christine Holgate and she deserves props after her appearance at a Senate Committee this week where she detailed how she was humiliated and bullied out of her job as the CEO of Australia Post. Again we’re keen to know if she has a Michael Lucas on direct dial for help with her Senate outfit choices, which inspires Em to detail exactly what she would be wearing should she ever be called up for a Christina Holgate style takedown. So grab your headphones or pump up the volly on your speakers and dive in now for a bunch of Royal ranting and endless inspirational outfit ideas for when you have to cancel someone, plus everything else that comes along with an Emsolation podcast episode. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hands up who’s in for a pop culture extravaganza this episode...we’re gonna assume some of you put your hands up, or at least thought to yourself, yep totes in, because Em has been laid up in bed with the tummy wobbles (which is a much more pleasant term for what happens when you have gastro and it’s coming out of you like lava, my words not Em’s) anyway her need to stay close to her bathroom facilities means Em has spent the last few days in front of the internet, so she’s got all of the pop culture things that she needs to talk about. We will begin with an apology, apparently some listeners are willing to actually fact check this show, hence there’s some Britney die hards asking for some recognition on a false fact we made, after that we’ll move straight into Michael’s very first stage show since the relaxing of restrictions and it just so happens it was Frozen the Musical. Naturally Em is mad keen to know if it’s worth dragging Elio along to witness the live version as he is currently deep within a toddler vortex of Frozen appreciation that means he must be given multiple viewings of both movies on repeat, plus all his Frozen branded merchandising within touching distance as well. The dating life of the cast of the Wiggles has also been an online obsession of Em’s and there are new developments worth sharing, which will make you ache for the Wiggles even more than we already do. Plus there’s the news that the break out star and all round hottie from Bridgerton, Regé-Jean Page won’t be returning for Season 2 and finally we need to talk about what is going on with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s son Chet Hanks, he’s an actor and a rapper and he’s got Em and Michael freaking out with his latest efforts online, it’s a LOT to process. So plug in and get your pop culture upload in one glorious glitter filled galavant of podcast listening. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve been anywhere near Em’s Instagram account in the last week, you will know she jumped on a flight to Sydney with her eldest Chella, popped on a drop dead gorg sequinned ensemble and sashayed her way up the red carpet JUST so she could profess even MORE love for the musical Hamilton. Now that the Aussie version of Hamilton has arrived Down Under, Em can’t wait to give you the lowdown on what it’s like and also how it somehow manages to be uniquely Australian, even though it's a musical about American history. Once they’ve exhausted all their accolades for Hamilton, Em and Michael will swing the doors of their Institut de Musique (totes made that name up but I figure it’s kinda like a virtual music video laboratory, patent pending) anyway name aside, they will swing the doors of their Institut wide open so they can go into extreme forensic detail on the Lil Nas X clip for his new song ‘Montero (Call Me by Your Name)’. If you’re yet to see it, Lil Nas X transports us from the Garden of Eden, to a Colosseum where he’s persecuted and sent to heaven, but before he gets there a pole emerges from below that he then rides all the way to hell, just so he can give the devil a lap dance, seduce and kill him and then take his crown. It’s pretty much a visual extravaganza filled with LGBTQ imagery and themes plus a heap of Greco-Roman and medieval Christian motifs and messages in both Greek and Latin, so together Em and Michael will cover all three acts. Naturally I don’t think I’m revealing any secrets when I say that the stripper pole straight to hell was their favourite part. There will also be time for a brief chat about Britney’s response to the ‘Free Britney’ doco, plus we need to talk about that 3 day lockdown that’s been given to Queenslanders in the lead up to Easter. So find your ideal chill zone, get your headphones or speakers primed and dive into another Emsolation episode stuffed to the brim with all the stuff you never know you needed, but will no doubt be thankful for once you’re done. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices