Emsolation

As a regular consumer of this podcast, when we tell you that the content of today’s episode will cover everything from a Mariah Carey Christmas Special, the relentless weirdness of Rudy Giuiliani over the last few weeks, plus more on ‘The Crown’ and that doyen of all things soooo hot right now, Harry Styles, then you’d realise we’ve stumbled across peak Emsolation content. As you can no doubt imagine, having assembled THE perfect menu for Em and Michael to reflect on, most of this podcast will obviously be dominated by reflecting the Queen of Christmas returning to our TV screens. You’ll experience a full review from Em on ‘Mariah Carey’s Magical Christmas Special’, mostly delivered without actually pausing for breath, so prepare yourself for a verbal tsunami of Diva inspired gushing. Then it’s onto Netflix’s refusal to acknowledge at the beginning of each episode of ‘The Crown’ that the series isn’t an actual documentary. That refusal has helped trigger a new round of hatred towards Camilla and Charles as they find themselves suddenly unpopular again as a result of the new seasons storyline. After we work through that, it’s onto the clusterfluff of relentless “What the actual WHAT!??!” that has been Rudy Guiliani over the last six weeks. Rudy has perfected his own brand of cray-cray and as a result we’ve been dragged through one of the most hectic rides we’ve ever witnessed...so naturally there’s a LOT to talk through. Finally, we see things out with the unending joy that is Harry Styles and his banana, which has inspired Michael to undertake the Harry Styles Banana Photo Challenge. That probably deserves an explanation...but also NOT giving you an explanation OR any context before you see the end result of all Michael’s banana wrangling (as presented in living colour with Em Rusciano approved insta filters attached) is waaaay more fun, hence we’ll be going with that. So grab your headphones, find your favourite space to let your giggles out, and have at the hilarity within, now with an added bonus photographic challenge for you to enjoy once you’re done as well...so many gifts to share hehe. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s the final year of the Trump administration living large at the White House, which also means it’s the final year of Melania doing the White House Christmas decorations. Thanks to a bit of leaked audio recorded by a former BFF of Melania, we know she doesn’t “give a f*** about Christmas stuff and decorating. But I need to do it right?”, yes, yes you do Melania. Hence she’s no doubt been showing off her lack of f***s by decking the halls with a variety of weird options, from a forest of 40 blood red Christmas trees, that looked like they’d been the victim of a Carrie style prom night prank, to hallways lined with dead branches, all painted stark white, then shoved into giant white pot plants. So for her final effort, Em was kind of hoping Melania would go for more of a gothic, emo expression with her festive festooning, just as her final fuck you to Americans, sadly she’s gone very traditional with her “America the beautiful” theming. Em and Michael also need to chat about Tara Reid approaching Nicole Kidman via the Instagram comments section on a post by our original BMX Bandit. Seems Tara is on the hustle for actors to appear in a new film she’s producing that revolves around drugging the attendees of a kids party with magic mushrooms, as you do. Rather than bother with agents, and her people talking to their people, Tara seems to have figured, pffft as if, I’m just gonna hit up Nicole Kidman in the comments section of that picture she just casually posted on the ‘gram. At the time of recording, we were still unsure if Nicole had responded yet, Tara and the rest of us, will probably be waiting for a very long time on that reply. Convo’s around Nicole Kidman naturally usher in discussions about whether it is okay or not, to be commenting on Nicole’s face. Naturally, Em would usually say “NO we just don’t comment on the way a woman looks” but she also found Nicole's face was actually distracting at times whilst watching her star in ‘The Undoing’. So prepare yourself for some yuletide yawning, a what the actual what moment of Tara Reid realness, and a tentative talk about how to freeze a face for all eternity, so standard Emsolation action really. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

While we’ve been serving lockdown realness from our lounge rooms, our lady and saviour Dolly Parton has been busy. Not only has she used a stack of her millions to help fund the development of a Covid vaccine, she’s also just casually composed, co-produced and performed in a Christmas movie musical. So naturally Em and Michael will be spending a large portion of this episode deep diving into the seasonal wonder that is the Netflix movie ‘Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square’. To start we’ll need to talk about the outfits, we also need to talk about how Dolly is a VERY sparkly, glamourous, homeless woman, but...she’s Dolly, so as if she isn’t going to be Dolly. Christine Baranski is amazing as Lady Scrooge, but we need to state for the podcast record that Em is quoted as describing it as “really bad, it’s bad, but it’s so bad, it’s good, it really is in that realm”. Em and Michael’s excitement about Mariah Carey’s upcoming Christmas special needs to be reflected too. Speaking of being in Santa season, Michael feels that everyone’s been very eager to put up their Christmas decorations this year, something Em helped confirm when she dropped her “Jason Momoa in a Sparkly Leotard” Christmas extravaganza the previous week. There’s also Rhonda Burchmore being omitted from performing at Carols by Candlelight and how much they loved that she publicly called them out about the snub. Then Michael takes a moment to talk a lot of smack about Carols in the Domain, because he feels that Carols by Candlelight is vastly superior. So secure the drip guard around the base of that lit candle, grab a bag of festively tainted popcorn, and settle in for all that tea to be spilt. Then we talk about the brand new Shawn Mendes documentary that left Em feeling largely underwhelmed, her take away being “he’s clearly a young man who’s just terrified all the time”. Sadly it wasn’t a great rockumentary, especially when you compare it to the benchmark that Madonna set when she released her groundbreaking ‘Truth or Dare’/’In Bed with Madonna’ doco. To see us out Em has an announcement about how Drake should absolutely never play Barack Obama, so secure those headphones of yours over your listen holes or hit the volume on your speakers and get some Emsolation happening.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that some people choose a theme when it comes time to dig the Christmas decorations out of storage and deck the halls? Neither did I, but apparently it’s a thing and of course Em is the one who’s made me aware of this fantastical festive festooning fact. This year her theme is...something I would have never considered would be a Christmas decorating starting point, but that’s why we’re here, to celebrate the fact that Em’s seeing in Santa with a “Jason Momoa in a sparkly leotard” theme. You’ll find your confusion will probably dissipate if you check out the added visuals that complete the Christmas theming story on Em’s socials. Theme established, it’s on to Em and Michael talking his new TV show coming to the ABC in 2021, it’s called ‘The Newsreader’. The lead female character is a feisty ethnic woman fighting against the straight white male TV Executives who are trying to make her be something that she’s not. Apparently Michael reckons it’s definitely not based on Em in any way, it’s just not, he’s totes doesn’t know where he got the inspiration though which seems a teensy bit weird. Then we chat about Dan Andrews not running for Federal Politics, which Em and Michael just see as a challenge, it’s a long term goal for them, they’ll probably just need to talk to his wife and get him back on board. We then attempt to calmly express Em’s dismay at an Instagram post from some Melbourne socialite guy, who took time out to share a pic of his new girlfriend, and also shit all over his equally famous former wife in the caption. Em felt it was a misstep for him, she also failed at expressing that calmly, because it really struck a chord with her. There’s also questions about what goes into orchestrating the perfect crying selfie, is it all about the angles? Where should the tear placement be? Can you rock a snot bubble if you capture it in the light beautifully? You know, just normal, stock standard stuff, which then leads to Em confronting Michael on how he never likes any of her photos on Instagram. Basically once Em gently unlatches the restraining bolt on her rage beast, it’s very hard for her to focus, like she’s really distracted, you’ll hear it, so grab your headphones and see if you can pick the moment she let’s it off the chain. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine for a moment that this podcast were a Theme Park, we’d probably call it something snazzy like Emsolation Land, and then this episode would be the BIG DIPPER, our Ultimate Rollercoaster Ride, this is the one that you’d gladly spend hours toasting in the sun, just waiting to finally get strapped into. In fact, you probably need this intro just to cushion you for the full experience we’re about to go on together. We start with Em’s intro, where she reveals how a panic attack inspired a request on socials for your most embarrassing high school stories. Em was hoping that by resharing them on the ‘gram it would help her, and everyone else, realise that we ALL have our own stuff. Then we step into all the different ways that Em’s anxiety chooses to display itself. For donkeys Em thought what she experienced was unique to her, but by talking about it, she’s realised that others feel the exact same way. So maybe when you’re listening to this, you’ll also find yourself going “oh my goodness, I feel nauseous too when I start getting anxious, or sleepy, or impulsive”. Then Em delivers what she described as “an absolute whirlwind, verbal explosion” which includes a moment where Michael has to leave to answer his front door, but Em just keeps the podcast going because she just has so much that she needed to say. There’s the new collaboration between Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa to reflect on, it would seem that Em wanted more, Michael however was happy with it. Barack Obama sat down with Oprah for an interview, which leads to a chat about what Em and Michael’s Presidential biographies would be titled. Em isn’t a fan of the title of Barack’s, but surprise, surprise, not really anymore but anyway, yes Michael was okay with it. We then arrive at the point of the podcast where Em launches into a very passionate 15 minute sermon on the John Farnham Musical, and why SHE should be playing John. Finally, we wrap up on the article that was written about Em and Michael’s friendship, just so that Em can critique him on his answers, she’s very sweaty by the end of all of this. Oh, she also nearly cries a few times as well, just out of passion...and anxiety. You basically won’t need to exercise after you’ve listened, because you’ll actually feel like you’ve run a marathon. It’s a total whirlwind, so strap in, keep your head down and avoid the flying dairy cows. There are no cows, that’s just a lame ‘Twister’ reference we threw in for added drama and effect. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Emsolation conversation Em sits down with modern day viking, heart throb and 1/3 of the comedy group Aunty Donna, Broden Kelly. They discuss dominating Netflix, The Blues Brothers and making it big on your own. Everything’s a drum! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you know about the power of saying “NO”? If your answer to that question is “NO” then teensy clap for sticking with the theme, but also prepare to be educated on how saying “NO” can actually be very empowering. Em’s said “NO” twice this week already, and in her intro she’s going to run us through how it’s kinda addictive, it also feels good and why you should be saying “NO” more often. So there’s a resounding “YES” to all of that and then we swiftly follow it up with a NOPE to the new season of ‘The Crown’. Em is having real problems with the latest season of the hugely successful Netflix series, she feels like it needs to decide if it’s a documentary, or a work of fiction, because currently it’s dipping in and out of both, and Em also has some issues with the themes as well. Obviously we’re not entirely sure if Peter Morgan, the main writer of ‘The Crown’, is listening to the Emsolation podcast, but let it be known that Em has some notes she’d like to work through within this episode, the basic gist is, she loves it, but she hates it too. Then we move onto former One Directioner Harry Styles making history after appearing as the very first solo male cover star on US Vogue. He acknowledged that moment by shaking things up when it came to his sartorial choices, which saw him being photographed in a skirt, a kilt and a variety of other glamorous ensembles, it is truly magnificent. Unfortunately, having a man in a dress is something that conservative commentator Candace Owens couldn’t cope with, claiming “there is no society that can survive without strong men”, so naturally there’s a lot to unpack there for Em and Michael, plus we also need to talk about how Dolly Parton is actually single handedly curing the Covid virus. So say “NO” to anything and everything else BUT this podcast, and get listening at your earliest convenience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Question for you first up, no need to answer because obvs we can’t hear you, but here it is nonetheless. Do you think you were the backbone of your household during the pandemic? If you said “ya huh”, “yes”, “well duuuuh” or anything else in the affirmative, then huzzah because Em’s intro is all about YOU! Em’s got props and well dones for you because there’s a chance you didn’t get a well done from the people around you, they saw loosening lockdown laws and bolted, Em’s here to say she sees you and wants to recognise that selfless work just in case those around you didn’t. Then Em and Michael briefly discuss the outbreak in Adelaide, Michael is gonna take a hardline on it this time around, he’s all about shutting those borders if we have to. Our Queen and savior, Dolly Parton, sat down for a talk with Oprah Winfrey, which needs discussion, there’s also questions to be had around the architecture of the flesh gloves Dolly was rocking. Then it’s on to an extensive chat on the Netflix documentary ‘The Crown’ which dropped its 4th season over the weekend. Em hasn’t really had a chance to binge it all as of yet, she only been able to sample a few episodes mostly because she was trapped in a vortex of teen cleaning hell. She’s still a little bit traumatised by what she found, apparently, and this is a direct quote, “there’s not enough showers in the world for me to wash off what I found in Odette’s room” so that sounds spectacularly disgusting, and I for one can’t wait to hear more. So perhaps let your last meal settle a smidge in your tummy, if you’re not good with tales of teenage complacency and what kind of bacteria and exotic funguses they can cultivate as a result of that, you might wanna proceed with caution. Everyone else can dive right in and experience it all in living, breathing, podcast colour whenever you’re ready. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So when it came time to start recording this episode, we thought we might try and not talk about Donald Trump, but the fact that he’s being such a big baby about the U.S. Election results, meant that Em and Michael inevitably found themselves talking about how he refuses to go, leaving them wondering how this is all going to play out. We also briefly touched on the idea of Ivanka running for President, Michael reckons it won’t happen, Em thinks it needs to be a reality TV show. Then it’s onto an in depth chat about voter fraud, but not in the US Election, no this fraud happened as part of the voting for the 2020 Bird of the Year contest in New Zealand. Ya huh ACTUAL voter fraud happened...in the Bird of the Year contest, talk about ruffling some feathers, it’s enough to make you fly the coop...and other bird related puns. Em was naturally really upset because she LOVES birds and for the first time in the history of this podcast, Em got to flex her native bird knowledge muscles, and yes that is a strange flex but we’re here for it. Em actually takes us through all her favourite native birds, Michael actually only has one bird he rates, Em clearly has many faves, across MANY different categories, so there’s a lot of bird chat from our resident bird lady. We then pause bird chat after Em mentions the scene in Steel Magnolias where Drum, the Dad, shoots at a tree full of birds, so that Michael can tell us about the actor he’s currently working with who met Dolly Parton a couple of weeks ago. This of course allowed Em to show off her Dolly Parton accent, hot tip, it’s way better than her New Zealand accent, and also how she can relate to Drum because her trees are full of noisy Rainbow Lorikeets, but unlike him, she would NEVER take to them with a shotgun. Finally, we’ve gotta reflect on the shit show of our Federal Government refusing to fly the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander flags in the Senate chamber for NAIDOC Week. So fling open the door on our audio aviary, stocked to the rafters with the finest in feathered finery, and crack open an egg of podcast goodness into your ears, and yeah we know it sounds messy, but we promise it’s totally not. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some might call ‘Dildos and Dead People’ a provocative title for a podcast, and if it wasn’t an episode of Emsolation you might have justified concerns about why those two things are being bought together into one podcast. Then again, maybe you saw that title and thought to yourself “I’m intrigued” or “no way, is this an audio tutorial” or even “finally” and if that’s the case, then you probably can’t sit with us, but we still totally appreciate you being here anyway. So for all those who need reassurance on the episode title before you press play and proceed, it all revolves around the Republicans and the fall out of the U.S. election. Obviously if you haven’t spent ALL your spare time awaiting the arrival of Em and Michael’s post mortem of the US election, then how very dare you and do you even know what you’ve been missing out on?. There’s a list of things to check off, but the fact that the Republicans booked their press conference into a car park at a place called Four Seasons Landscaping, rather than the Four Seasons Hotel is our priority. That’s where the dildos and dead people come in, yes seriously, the Republicans chose to hold a press conference in the carpark at Four Seasons Landscaping, which just happens to sit between a crematorium and an adult sex shop, because of course it does. There’s also Em and Michael’s favourite celebrity reactions to the U.S. election to cover off, plus they wanna share their love for Jill Biden, and Michael wants to outline the moments that made him cry the most. There’s also a bunch of other things happening on the planet, so we’ll also check in on Dan Andrews and the further lifting of restrictions in Victoria, and Em has been sitting on a LOT of excitement around the announcement of the cast for the Australian version of the Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’. So step away from whatever it is you’re wasting your time on right now, and spend some quality time hanging out with us instead. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices