Emsolation

Did someone say “technical issues”, YES, yes they did, they also said “arggghhh” and “why the fuck isn’t this working” and also “I just wanna come in and it works without all this technical bullshit” so after dealing with a spinning wheel of death, a couple of forced quits and 45 minutes worth of various emotions, with added shutting down and signing in again, Michael suggested he jump in his car and drive to Em’s so they could record this show face to face. Once ALL of that was done we FINALLY got an episode happening for you, but boy was it hard fought and mentally exhausting…pretty much. We start with a full rundown of the Oscars, which were a ratings failure, Em and Michael didn’t even watch them, but they’ve both seen enough highlights to have opinions on all of the things, as you’d expect, like Glenn Close being an utter legend, the terrible idea not to have Best Picture as the final award, and Anthony Hopkins doing an acceptance speech the day after the event. Then we side step into all the must see TV series you need to get around, from Disney Plus giving us ‘The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’ to Netflix doing their own version of a Disney animated wonder, with the release of ‘Over the Moon’, there’s also a hectic rundown of the fantasy series ‘Shadow and Bone’, plus Michael wants to give props to Kate Winslet for getting down and dirty and even limping through her role as a detective in her new series ‘Mare of Easttown’. Then Em’s dad Vincie stops by to deliver a bottle of wine, just in time for a full breakdown of Harry Styles new role as a dreamy voiced sleep story host for the app Calm, that then leads Michael to reveal Harry’s new movie role, which inspires Em to suggest the team at 365 Days get their drone up into the stratosphere so they can really get around Harry’s sex scene shoot. We also need to talk Em objectifying Jock from Masterchef on The Project, how she has a rather unique kink for gardening scenarios and then we somehow end up talking through which Disney Princes are worthy of bonking, so prepare yourself for some animated bestiality, not even kidding. Oh yeah, also ALL of this happened inside the confines of the creepy doll room that Em’s mum has at her house, so expect a view of one such creepy doll on our socials for added visual horror, you might wanna grab a glass of wine for the audio journey too, but see how you go, good luck everyone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So you know that idiom about not stirring up a hornet’s nest? Well this episode of Emsolation has so much content that could be reflected by that little saying...and then some. In fact we’re not just stirring it up, we are whacking it with a bat, then kicking it along the ground, maybe setting it on fire, then we are calling in the army to bomb the bejesus out of it too. So grab your beverage of choice, take a deep breath and adopt the pose of a pest controller with their flamethrower set to incinerate, because we got some talking to do. The first thing we wanna add to the extinct list is the Government’s attempt at a consent video using milkshakes and tacos and getting pizza. It was so bad that when we asked the simple question “what do you wanna hear on the pod this week” via the Emsolation Instagram stories (are you following Emsolation on Instagram? You totes should) the replies referred to that bin fire that was the Milkshake consent video soooo much, that it was kind of like the cyber equivalent of one of those Aussie outback mouse plagues, so naturally we will start things off with that. Apologies to anyone who is now creeped out by thoughts of a gazillion mice pouring out of every nook and cranny, let’s move on….or do we not want to move on because we also have to cover off this next item. Em and Michael are also going to gently dip their toes into the Bluey backlash that exploded on Facebook after Em added her thoughts to the “we love Bluey but how good would it be if it was a smidge more inclusive” suggestion. Their toes dip gently as we begin, but by the end they are jumping around in the water and splashing it about and having an awesome time, promise. Finally, even though Em spent the last episode of this podcast talking up how much she wanted to witness the funeral for Prince Phillip, she actually hardly watched any of it. However, as you will bear witness, just because Em didn’t see each and every moment of the Royal funeral, doesn’t mean she isn’t more than capable of filling in the gaps. In fact, she will fill in so many gaps that you would need a microscope to see how fine her gap filling skills are, she even manages to conjure up scenarios you didn’t even think were humanly possible to conjure up. Yes it is true that Em may have had a teensy stroke while navigating all of the scenario conjuring, but it's hilarious nonetheless and well worth the wait, but don’t wait too long, like even this is wasting your time, so stop reading and go listen NOW! Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s announcement time, so we start this episode with Em’s big reveal, you will need to pretend it comes with explosions of glitter, streamers and other gaiety that wasn’t added during recording, mostly because when you unleash stuff like that into a confined space, it makes a huge mess and no one wants to be dealing with that clean up. Then Michael joins Em to demand he’s like Madonna, seems pretty standard by now, we then swiftly move onto the big news of the past week like the death of Prince Phillip. It seems like the announcement of his passing has been endless, so naturally we take time out to cover off all of the things, from Lizzie’s loss after nearly 75 years of having him by her side, which prompts Em to wonder who the Queen’s version of her Michael Lucas is. There’s also the twitter pile and the jokes and memes that followed, the completely understandable reaction Indigenous people had to the news and even the media’s stock pile of pre-prepared tributes to reflect the passing of the famous, which may have inspired Em to think about what hers would look like if she got one. We also couldn’t talk the Royal Family without wondering what Fergie will be doing when it comes time for the funeral, will she even be invited? There’s also a brand new Shero worth celebrating, her name is Christine Holgate and she deserves props after her appearance at a Senate Committee this week where she detailed how she was humiliated and bullied out of her job as the CEO of Australia Post. Again we’re keen to know if she has a Michael Lucas on direct dial for help with her Senate outfit choices, which inspires Em to detail exactly what she would be wearing should she ever be called up for a Christina Holgate style takedown. So grab your headphones or pump up the volly on your speakers and dive in now for a bunch of Royal ranting and endless inspirational outfit ideas for when you have to cancel someone, plus everything else that comes along with an Emsolation podcast episode. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hands up who’s in for a pop culture extravaganza this episode...we’re gonna assume some of you put your hands up, or at least thought to yourself, yep totes in, because Em has been laid up in bed with the tummy wobbles (which is a much more pleasant term for what happens when you have gastro and it’s coming out of you like lava, my words not Em’s) anyway her need to stay close to her bathroom facilities means Em has spent the last few days in front of the internet, so she’s got all of the pop culture things that she needs to talk about. We will begin with an apology, apparently some listeners are willing to actually fact check this show, hence there’s some Britney die hards asking for some recognition on a false fact we made, after that we’ll move straight into Michael’s very first stage show since the relaxing of restrictions and it just so happens it was Frozen the Musical. Naturally Em is mad keen to know if it’s worth dragging Elio along to witness the live version as he is currently deep within a toddler vortex of Frozen appreciation that means he must be given multiple viewings of both movies on repeat, plus all his Frozen branded merchandising within touching distance as well. The dating life of the cast of the Wiggles has also been an online obsession of Em’s and there are new developments worth sharing, which will make you ache for the Wiggles even more than we already do. Plus there’s the news that the break out star and all round hottie from Bridgerton, Regé-Jean Page won’t be returning for Season 2 and finally we need to talk about what is going on with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s son Chet Hanks, he’s an actor and a rapper and he’s got Em and Michael freaking out with his latest efforts online, it’s a LOT to process. So plug in and get your pop culture upload in one glorious glitter filled galavant of podcast listening. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve been anywhere near Em’s Instagram account in the last week, you will know she jumped on a flight to Sydney with her eldest Chella, popped on a drop dead gorg sequinned ensemble and sashayed her way up the red carpet JUST so she could profess even MORE love for the musical Hamilton. Now that the Aussie version of Hamilton has arrived Down Under, Em can’t wait to give you the lowdown on what it’s like and also how it somehow manages to be uniquely Australian, even though it's a musical about American history. Once they’ve exhausted all their accolades for Hamilton, Em and Michael will swing the doors of their Institut de Musique (totes made that name up but I figure it’s kinda like a virtual music video laboratory, patent pending) anyway name aside, they will swing the doors of their Institut wide open so they can go into extreme forensic detail on the Lil Nas X clip for his new song ‘Montero (Call Me by Your Name)’. If you’re yet to see it, Lil Nas X transports us from the Garden of Eden, to a Colosseum where he’s persecuted and sent to heaven, but before he gets there a pole emerges from below that he then rides all the way to hell, just so he can give the devil a lap dance, seduce and kill him and then take his crown. It’s pretty much a visual extravaganza filled with LGBTQ imagery and themes plus a heap of Greco-Roman and medieval Christian motifs and messages in both Greek and Latin, so together Em and Michael will cover all three acts. Naturally I don’t think I’m revealing any secrets when I say that the stripper pole straight to hell was their favourite part. There will also be time for a brief chat about Britney’s response to the ‘Free Britney’ doco, plus we need to talk about that 3 day lockdown that’s been given to Queenslanders in the lead up to Easter. So find your ideal chill zone, get your headphones or speakers primed and dive into another Emsolation episode stuffed to the brim with all the stuff you never know you needed, but will no doubt be thankful for once you’re done. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You do realise that if I’m actually writing this description, and then you are actually reading it, then that must mean that Em and Michael have been chatting and someone has been hitting record right? Ya huh that's EXACTLY what it means, Emsolation is back for Season 2 and we have a lot to work through, like a LOT. It’s safe to say that most of Australia is probably shook with what’s been happening within Australian politics lately, so Em and Michael need to work through the cavalcade of whack that’s recently been revealed. There’s the revelation that some men have been treating the desks of female MP’s as collection points for their repugnant DNA. They cannot believe what's been happening there, nor that people have the time to do stuff like that at work. They’re also worried about what’s been going down at the chapel inside Parliament House too, and they just really want to know what Scomo’s going to do about it all. He keeps saying he’s listening, but we’re all worried about what’s going to happen next. Then it’s on to the news that Em is off to witness the premiere of the Australian version of Hamilton LIVE. ON. STAGE. The level of excitement coursing through every cell of Em’s body is currently too much for her to deal with, so much so that she can’t even really articulate it, so expect some actual squeals, in place of conversation, when it all gets too much. There’s also time to reflect on Em’s upcoming performances at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, it’s a love letter to Melbourne, and naturally a second show has already been announced, probably because the first one sold out before Em even had a chance to say “go buy tickets, swipe up NOW” on her Insta-stories. She’s also decided she’s not going to be anxious before she performs anymore, mostly because it’s a waste of time and energy, unlike this podcast, which is worth ALL of your time and can actually rebuild your energy levels. So grab your headphones and level up with the contents of this episode of Emsolation. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HUZZAH! It’s surprise bonus episode time! That’s right, that thing you know you needed right this very minute, because obvs you were feeling this in your waters, or had that my podcast is back spidey tingle, or just saw it teased all over the socials, has SUDDENLY RETURNED! It’s been months and sooooo many things have gone down, so why wouldn’t we come back to work our way through a grab bag of our favourite finds. So grab your headphones and settle in for a cavalcade of all of the things, as Em and Michael return to update us on stuff like the brand new Britney Spears doco ‘Framing Britney Spears’, the sumptuously designed soapy drama that is the Netflix series ‘Bridgerton’, and even how mumfluencer and wife of Alec Baldwin, Hilaria, turned out to not be actually Spanish. There’s also time to chat the stunning 80’s realness of the Stan series ‘It’s A Sin’, the clusterfluff of the Capitol riots and the follow up Inauguration, Meaghan and Harry announcing they’re pregnant again, PLUS Em’s upcoming stage show AND Michael’s upcoming TV series. So consider this your big, massive catch up episode and enjoy it at your earliest convenience...maybe don’t binge it all in one sitting, or you could binge it and then binge it again, or just sample a few minutes, get a few giggles in, then give it a rest until you’re ready for some more….or just try all of those options perhaps. Look we’re just excited to be back, so we’re probably rambling a bit, but you know what to do so have at it. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hands up who wants to hurriedly push 2020 out the door like it’s some long lost Uncle who gatecrashed your Christmas party, insulted and traumatised your guests, and sneezed all over your food. We’re gonna assume most of you raised your hands so fast that you pretty much punched the sky in your haste to confirm that we is all well and truly done with this dumpster fire of a year. As this will be our final episode of Emsolation for the year, Em and Michael have a bunch of stuff they wanna work through before they bid you bye bye. First up, they’ll tackle the backlash Lizzo is receiving for promoting a 10 day smoothie detox that she’s just completed on Instagram. Em and Michael also wanna talk about how the debut novel from a new feminist author called Florence Given, has been completely derailed, after a one time friend of Florence accused her of ripping off Black women's work for her book ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’. Then it’s time to grab a large popcorn, a choc top and a stupidly large fizzy drink, and settle into your recliner for the greatest story ever told. Em is ready for the tea to be spilled as she runs us through what she’s calling ‘The Final Meltdown’. This ain't no movie, it’s not a musical, a book, or even a song, although it probably could be turned into all of those things, nope ‘The Final Meltdown’ is what Em is calling what went down when the whole year just came up and hit her in the face during her family beach holiday. Basically, Em just let her family know ALL the things they’d done during the year, that made her feel unappreciated. Em is describing it as The Greatest Tale that she’s ever told, she even likens herself to being a Slow Cooker. Finally, we wrap things up on some fun, with a Michael Lucas Madonna quiz, which we’re pretty much doing just so we can really illustrate how deep Michael’s complete obsession for Madge is. We also wanna thank everyone for coming along on this hilariously hectic and glitter stuffed ride, we promise there’s more of that to come in 2021 and we’re sending podcast hugs to you and yours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of Emsolation is a little on the hefty side, naturally it’s filled to the brim with the usual campery and fun, we even get a chance to revisit one of Em’s favourite topics, conspiracy theories, but the one thing helping to make this an extra long episode? Probably something to do with the solid 20 minutes that Em devotes to ranting about James Corden in the new Netflix movie ‘The Prom’. Ultimately Em loved ‘The Prom’, why wouldn’t she, it’s got Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman in it, it’s got singing, dancing and LOTS of glitter and campery, so naturally all of that is a giant yaaas. However Em just wishes they’d hire proper singers and dancers, she was so mad, but then she still loved it because she’s meant to love it. Em stayed up all night thinking about it, so here’s the takeaways, Meryl is pretty solid, Nicole is loopy and definitely not a Fosse dancer, and James Corden...well you should probably just listen to get the full rundown on Em’s thoughts on James, so prep yourself for a lot of talk about ‘The Prom’, like, a LOT. Then we move onto Taylor Swift’s new album ‘evermore’ and some of the secret meanings behind the songs that her fans have decided are DEFINITELY true. Em is all about Taylor Swift song conspiracy theories, mostly because they are safe conspiracy theories, you know they’re not telling people to drink bleach or convince you every vaccine has microchips inside. Instead they push theories about the meanings of Taylor’s lyrics, who the songs are about, and even announcing the names of her famous friends' forthcoming babies. Finally we’ll devote a bit of time to Delta Goodrem’s Christmas Special, so this episode is pretty much camper than Christmas, so camp you should probs wrap yourself in tinsel and hang a Christmas bauble on each ear while you listen, you know, just to team with the theme. Or not, we’re not about to tell you how you should dress while you listen, so please feel free to get around it in the nude if that works better, you do you boo. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s start this description off with an acknowledgement that Em and Michael, are both operating from weird, scatterbrained places this week. Michael is in the midst of filming his new TV series called ‘The Newsreader’ which is coming to the ABC in 2021. As you can imagine, filming a TV series is a HUGE effort, it’s full on from start to finish, so that means Michael needs to be everywhere, all at once, doing everything from putting out fires, to the general hysteria that comes from managing a bunch of creative people who are all working to bring your script to life. Meanwhile, Em was settling into her first counselling session with a brand spanking new psychologist this week, so she’s been pretty focussed on that. Hence Em and Michael figure why not talk about all of that in this podcast, let’s just talk about it. Once they’ve taken you from the pandemonium of filming a TV series during a pandemic, to the blurk of being on a brand new couch about to go over all of your things with a new psychologist, they’ll move onto the sexy retelling of the Colonel Sanders origin story, starring 90’s heart throb Mario Lopez. Yes you hungie percent read that right, and yes it is the same Colonel Sanders who introduced the world to Kentucky Fried Chicken. It would seem that Lifetime and KFC have partnered together to throw some money into making a sexy 15 minute mini movie, a romantic thriller if you will. Em and Michael have zero idea how much of this romantic rendering of the Colonel’s origin story is true, but they can report that they are here for it and also that there isn’t a sex scene that involves KFC gravy and a bed of hot chips, all filmed by a drone, which really does seem like a missed opportunity. There’s also a bunch of chat around the hardships of starting with a new therapist and the process of telling them ALL of the things. Then we wrap up by reflecting on Madge getting a tattoo, because when Madonna gets ink for the very first time, obviously we’re gonna be there to reflect it and critique it. So set your brains to scatter, with a sprinkling of weird (which is probably how most of us operate them on the regular anyway) and you’ll once again find this listening experience very agreeable. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/Emsolation See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices