Emsolation

We’re so happy you’re here, whether you listen to us first thing Thursday morning, or whenever the hell you can factor us into your busy schedule, we are down for your listening commitment. We also aren’t afraid to give you props for it...which is EXACTLY what we do as part of the intro. There’s also a quick update of the topics Em and Michael will cover off. If you haven’t worked it out by the title yet, a lot of what follows will revolve around Gwyneth Paltrow, who, yeah sure, is an actress, but our particular obsession for her almost entirely orbits around the creation of her Goop empire. An empire that has gifted us everything from her recommendation that you regularly steam your vagina, to the jade egg you supposedly stick in your...vagina...or yoni. Before we do the latest Gwyneth deep dive though, there’s a mini life out of lockdown rundown from Em before she brings in her bestie Michael Lucas. Naturally no chat about Goop and Gwyneth can happen without Michael’s involvement, well actually, it totally could, because Em is REALLY down for talking through Gwyneth’s new TV series for Netflix. Thankfully Michael is there to help slow down Em’s train of thought and react accordingly to each new revelation and all of the various moans and groans Em decided to recreate for her explain and our listening pleasure. Gwyneth’s new show is called ‘Sex, Love and Goop’ and in it she helps everyday people have better sex using a series of practitioners that are all very well versed in various areas of sex. Obviously you could just sign into Netflix and watch the show, but we think you will enjoy it MUCH more by just allowing Em to explain it to you. Hence stand by for much discussion on the visuals, the wealthy and beautifully styled abodes these well versed practitioners reside in, what happens when you are connected to your sexual energy and how to ground a yoni. There’s also enough passion from Em working through her highlights, that she actually gets sweaty enough to need to request time out, for a small break...as you do. Once she’s had a full wipe down, we return with all the latest on Gladys Berejiklian’s appearance before the ICAC hearings. Whilst they will naturally reflect some of what’s been revealed so far, most of Em and Michael’s focus will be around what they’d be wearing if they had to make such an appearance. There’s also the demands they’d be making around the lighting setup for their on camera appearance to be worked through too. Finally Em has a bucket list trip she’s keen to get Michael on board with. It’s a special event, held once a year in the town now famous for being where they filmed the Twilight movies, it is something Em is mad keen on and even more keen to drag Michael along to. His reaction to the suggestion that he accompany her on this Twilight themed jaunt, doesn’t seem to ever reach the same level of keen that Em’s does. You’ll get the full picture when you hear it, so grab your yoni egg...and probably chuck it in the bin, then ground your listening energy, with our unbridled sexual podcast energy, okay that fully sounds creepy...so let's just say, you should plug us in and enjoy us at your earliest convenience, no grounding required, but feel free to bring all that gorgeous Emsolation love energy you’re radiating with you at least. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Go bloody EASY. ON. ME. bloody Adele. Em had an abundance of side quests assembling this podcast, well mostly just getting the introduction for this week's episode recorded was the problem. Adele is responsible for throwing a spanner in the works, so the intro you’re getting is the TENTH version Em recorded (the other 9 were deleted with a very exaggerated tap on the delete button, there’s to be no archiving and locking in the vault like Prince did here). It’s best if we let Em explain why Adele has thrown her into emotional turmoil, and also triggered a mini singing session as part of this intro too. Em’s soft bits will never recover from her emosh moments absorbing the new Adele song. You’ll also get a detailed explain of what’s going on in her mind and creating all these side quests, the title of this episode is a small window into some of that expertly explained chaos. Once that’s sorted we usher in Michael and do the deep dive on the big announcement of the week, the departure of the Yellow Wiggle Emma. If you know this podcast, then you know Em’s love runs deep for the Wiggles, she is all up in their business 24/7. So it’s not surprising that she got the news delivered to her 24 hours before it was officially announced, with embargoes attached. Truth be told, they sugar coated the announcement by making three announcements all at once, but saying goodbye to Emma is what has everyone clutching their pearls. Her replacement, the equally amazing Tsehay Hawkins, has achieved a HUGE amount in her 16 years, we’ll bedazzle you with her accolades inside, safe to say though that we’re excited to see what she does next. Obviously Em has done A LOT of research, so there’s the Wiggles former love lives to chat about, we also cover off what Emma is doing next and why we should stop giving her grief for leaving, we also check in to see if her former flame, the Purple Wiggle Lachy, responded to her big announcement on socials, will there be even more pearls up for the clutching? Plus Michael will reveal, for the very first time, his very bizarre connection to The Wiggles, it involves Dorothy the Dinosaur, a shopping centre and a bunch of kids in tears, while their parents get hectic and angry right up in Michael’s face, it will give you anxiety sweats for sure. After we’ve pretty much exhausted every single angle of Wiggles updates, we’ll then bow down and worship at the temple of the TV series ‘Succession’, it’s Em and Michael’s favourite show, flat out, hence they have lots of love to pour over it, but they promise not to be spoilery about it...too much. Basically it’s worth the price of admission and you should totes give it a viewing if you haven’t already, also Em and Michael have an actual physical connection to it, long story, but it totally gets revealed within. Finally there’s the easing of lockdown in Victoria and NSW to dip in on too, we are all freaked out, but also totes excited about it too. That being said, we aren’t about to dive into it like a toddler dives at anything coated in sugar, we reckon slow and steady might be the way to go. Em might just keep pretending it’s lockdown on and off for ages, so each to their own. So whether you’re in your secure bunker, deep within the earth, or roaming the streets with a strut in your step, we hope this episode finds you well, and you enjoy all of it as much as we did. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

K before we usher in her high school bestie for chats, Em is gonna get things started by giving props to our front line healthcare workers. In particular, all the ones who took time out to share their reactions to Em’s Instagram story where she asked what they wanted people to know about their day to day lives treating Covid patients. Their reactions were a very sobering read, so much so that Em has added them as a highlight on her Instagram profile. The good news is that they had a huge positive effect, with Em getting a heap of DM’s saying the stories helped encourage a number of people who were holding off on the vaccine, to finally book themselves in. That’s about the bulk of the intro, it’s purposely short because there’s so many hectic things Em and Michael need to work through together, and by hectic we mean quite possibly the most horrendo musical ever put on film. It’s called ‘Diana: The Musical’ and was meant to begin it’s run on Broadway on March 31 2020, which obviously didn’t happen because the Covid pandemic pretty much shut down, not only Broadway, but the entire planet. Thankfully someone at Netflix decided to assemble the entire cast, without an audience because they had to observe a bunch of Covid-19 safety protocols, and film the entire thing for us to witness in the comfort of our own homes via our Netflix accounts. However, it would seem actually watching ‘Diana: The Musical’ isn’t a comfortable experience AT ALL if Em and Michael’s reviews are anything to go by. Yes, Em did give it a 5 out of 5, but that isn’t because it’s worthy of Hamilton style accolades, after all, Em prefaces their chat by describing it as ‘...the most catastrophically awful, worse than Cats, horrific trainwreck that I’ve ever seen”. To back it up, Michael admits he hasn’t even finished the entire Musical yet, because “I felt like I had spent at least a decade and a half watching it, and then we clicked and we weren’t even at the halfway mark”. So don’t expect to be entertained like you would normally, you’ll instead be entertained with a perfect explain of who this musical is aimed at, that’s swiftly followed by a cavalcade of choice “highlights” (those are VERY BIG inverted commas around that word FYI). Plus Em and Michael will also deliver their favourite lyrical moments from the musical too, as a taster, those lyrics include things like, “better than a Guiness, better than a wank...” we’ll let Em and Michael explain the context and finish the lyrics inside. Then we slip into all the highlights from Adele gracing the front of both ‘Vogue’ and ‘British Vogue’, plus her absolutely heckers debut on Instagram Live. Once we’ve worked through all of that, we’ll get down to what inspired Em to start sharing all the stories from frontline healthcare workers this week, after Joel Creasey shared a video with Em from Home and Away star Sam Frost. The video had some troubling content that inspired Em to shoot off an innocent little tweet about how problematic the video was, unfortunately the media decided to take that tweet and accuse Em of being the only one who had a problem with it, accusing her of being jealous of Sam, as well as abrasive and unsupportive of women. Thankfully the onslaught was minimised after Em’s wonderful community of supporters stepped up and added their voices to clapback at the gossip columnists and journalists who were attempting to spin Em’s tweet into something it so clearly wasn’t. It also inspired Em to reach out to ICU doctors and nurses working away in Covid wards around the country to offer them a chance to share their experiences with those who might have been feeling reluctant to get the jab. To close everything out we successfully manage to wrap it all up with a beautiful callback to one of the perplexing moments of the MANY that appear in ‘Diana: The Musical’, because of course we do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Right, before we get around the dodgy exes, we are gonna need to revisit life as a HUGE Toilet Dolly for ‘The Masked Singer’, which is where we find Em in the introduction for this episode. If you’re wondering if Em is keen on starting a Toilet Dolly collection we can confirm, she’s totes about it, so maybe get your knit/crochet on if that sort of thing rocks your hobby boat and you’re feeling gifty. We’ve also gotta take some time out to welcome in any new podcast listeners, especially those inspired to get their listen on since Dolly did her thing, we just need to remind you to hit that FOLLOW button on our Spotify profile to help this pod’s success continue. Once Michael arrives we get things started by acknowledging it’s been a big week for Em PLUS a heap of other ladies, like Gladys, Britney and Adele. If you know the history of Gladys, Britney and Adele, you’ll know dodgy exes seem to be a feature of all three of their careers, hence why we chose them as the title of our podcast. We begin by talking through the latest developments in NSW politics where Friday saw Gladys Berejiklian resigning as Premier of NSW after an ICAC probe into her previous relationship with Daryl Macguire was announced. It was the sort of event that required Michael to immediately pick up his mobile and make an emergency day call to Em, you’ll hear exactly how she reacted inside. Then it’s onto reflecting the cavalcade of Berejikli-stans mourning her departure, Em and Michael have a lot of problems with that. Being accused of corruption and the misappropriation of funds means that she is actually doing the right thing by stepping down from her role as Premier of NSW. There’s also confirmation the Magical Unicorn of Death was correct again, plus a chat about whether this is a feminist issue or not. We’ll also work through the dodgy dealings of her ex Daryl, why Gladys was so popular despite her failings, plus our trusty Unicorn makes another prediction related to the future career of Gladys. To replace her we now have a deeply religious Premier who comes with a lot of added far right baggage, which includes rejecting the decriminalisation of abortion, opposing same sex marriage, supporting Trump and not thinking priests should have to reveal child sexual abuse. There’s a lot to unpack there, but once we’ve done that it’s onto the influx of Britney Spears documentaries on our screens and the news that her father has finally been removed as her conservator. All these docos have at least helped expose Em’s daughters to the talent that Britney clearly has, which seems to have been forgotten in recent years as the media focussed on her public meltdowns and other negative coverage. There’s also been a few toxic exes over the years too, all of it is enough to inspire Michael to make a great suggestion about Gladys and Brit comparing notes and Em suggesting that Britney might no longer appear on this podcast (which obviously comes with caveats). Then it’s onto the news that Adele is about to drop new music. Adele has made a career from her bad relationship choices and her recent divorce might have inspired this new release, or at least that is what Em and Michael are hoping they’ll hear when the album finally drops. If it’s not, they’re not afraid to start a riot about it. Finally there’s a few questions that we apparently didn’t get to in our previous episode ‘Hello Dolly’. So expect answers to an obscure Dolly clue, plus answers to if she really did sing live, is ‘The Masked Singer’ why she didn’t accept an invite to appear on ‘Celebrity Masterchef’ and more. There’s even a teensy mention for the final day of filming on the next season of Michael’s TV show ‘Five Bedrooms’ too, so enjoy the abundance of Emsolation we’ve been gifted this week, by getting even more of it into your listening holes now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Title says it all really. We’re not going to waste your time by teasing you or going into lengthy explains, but it’s safe to say, if you’ve been hearing a certain voice singing away on TV promos, or whilst watching an actual TV show filled with over sized masked singers, then you probably know what THIS episode is all about. Inside Em and Michael will chat about all the rumours and forensically detailed discussions that took place online across all of the socials, especially that hotbed of deliberation and deep diving on all of the things that is the Emsolation Facebook Group. You’ll also get to hear all the behind the scenes gossip, what inspired Em to get involved, what is it like backstage, is that really the performer every time you see a masked persona on stage, do the masked ones get to interact, what was her favourite song, how do they come up with the clues and was Em really dropping secret squirrel easter eggs throughout her insta-stories and posts over the last few weeks and so much more. So grab your headphones and settle in for the episode that’s exactly like whatever they do when one of those true crime podcasts actually solves the case. Has that even happened before? Probs not, but at least it does in this situation. It was Dolly, in your lounge rooms, slaying you with her on point vocal acrobatics, so lets arrest the online speculation and mark this one, case closed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How’s that for a podcast title, we can only hope it’s rolling past your eyes on repeat via the display of your digital radio or Spotify app. We are not sorry, we are actually warning you that this episode has a lot of dick built into its contents. We’ll explain more after Em sorts the introduction, which is where she spontaneously created that title (I did take note of it Em, and obviously totes loving it, it’s also way better than her other suggested option of ‘Dick Chat’) there’s a lot of side quest action in the intro, so can we get a huzzah for that? HUZZAH! First up we need to talk about an article that sent Em into an emotional tailspin, but in true side quest realness we also cover off the continuing obsession with Em being on ‘The Masked Singer’. There’s all the action that goes on within the Emsolation Facebook Group to reflect, which includes some VERY effective photoshopping, plus the news that some believed Em was Baby has been proved wrong after Killing Heidi front woman Ella Hooper revealed herself to be under the baby mask. Anyway, this article is a good chance for all of us to check our own internalised misogyny, after a Mamamia journalist chose to trot out the labels ‘outspoken’ and ‘controversial’ when describing Em. Those two words trigger Em on a number of levels and she is calling for all of us to try and stop using words like ‘outspoken’, ‘controversial’ or ‘opinionated’ to describe women who have thoughts and feelings they want to share publicly. You’ll hear why she finds it tiring as part of the introduction and then we’ll bring Michael back so we can talk dick pics. Michael is understandably shook that this is the FIRST he’s hearing about a dick pic that apparently arrived in Em’s possession 4 DAYS EARLIER! Once that’s been worked through, we get to the meat of the problem. Well actually, we first have to talk about all the hairdo’s being rocked on the Grand Final footy field, because of course we do. Obviously I’m not about to ruin any of the chat about the rogue wang picture turning up in Em’s DM’s, but it was a moral quandary that Em AND her two daughters had to work through together. Somehow that then leads to chat about a Italian hand painted ceramic leopard statue that is charging stupid money in order to own it. Em wanted it so much that she took up gambling in an attempt to secure it so she could add it to her interior decor collection. You’ll find out if she was successful or if her gambling adventure ended in broken dreams that didn’t include ceramic hand painted realness being added to her menagerie within. Look at us with all our hooking and teasing and not revealing what's going on within the podcast in fine details. Then it’s onto something that apparently ISN’T small and shaped like a toadstool. This time around I will reveal that we did say this episode was a bit dick heavy and this is the second reference to peen. Sadly it relates to the news that the first of Trump's former White House staff have begun releasing their tell all books. Yep, we know, vomit, but we promise you’ll also get confirmation that a LOT of what Em and Michael thought Melania might be up to, was actually happening, plus learn some of the nicknames White House staff had for certain members of Trump's family. Finally it's onto the big dick energy (or BDE as it’s more commonly referred to) that seems to ooze from every pore of American rapper, singer and songwriter, Lil Nas X. Em and Michael are huge fans of how he works every angle of his social media profile and how he’s able to build his career and success by delivering one groundbreaking event after another. So dive in face first, we promise you won’t get a slap to the face with anything other than sassy comments and much hilarity, plus there’s exciting news to wrap things up that include the words ‘bonus’ and ‘episode’, squeaaal, I’ll say nothing else, get amongst it all NOW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

EARTHQUAKE! I mean clearly we gotta start with the earth shaking across Victoria on the morning of us recording this episode (is anyone else singing Martika’s ‘I Feel the Earth Move’ in their heads when earthquake chat comes up? Nope just me. Well I can only hope you do now). As Em will admit, it’s actually nice to think about something besides everything else that’s going on right now. She also thinks it’s Mother Natures way of grabbing Victoria by the shoulders and giving us all a little shake while saying “will you stop being so fucken stupid” in a hushed voice. That leads us into a bit of gritted teeth, low whispering chat, swiftly followed by Em revealing she’s just done an interview about what her gateway podcast was and the joys of doing Emsolation. Obviously that leads onto the dedication and research capabilities of everyone on the Emsolation Facebook Group. It seems a bunch of you have been doing deep dives and research and are utterly CONVINCED Em is working behind a very specific mask on ‘The Masked Singer’. Whilst you won’t get any answers or clues from her, she does have her own theories on who is who, she’s also totally here for you dropping her name ALL over the socials, and if all else fails, at least she now knows who her family should turn to in the event she ever go missing or if she needs help solving a crime. Michael then joins Em so they can walk through where they were when the big shake went down. You’ll get their reactions to it, their favourite twitter responses and also the irony of an earthquake destroying buildings when tradies and the construction industry have been involved in violent protests in Melbourne which has resulted in an enforced shutdown for the construction industry. Michael even reveals how the protest impacted his work PLUS the rescuing of a trapped baby animal, whilst Em had a perfect twitter joke about those protests ripped off by another comedian. Then we gotta get around to talking through Michael’s final episode for his show ‘The Newsreader’ which wrapped up on Sunday night. Obviously Em has changed her mind on her previous demand that the character of Rob be killed off in Season 2. Michael also reveals some amazing behind the scenes improv from filming the series, and how he took stories from his own personal life and put them into the script. It’s a very emosh convo about baring your soul through your art and the pain that can come from that. Then it’s on to all their favourite highlights, and some of the meh moments from the recent Emmy Awards. There’s also a brand new season of Sex Education to process which has brought up a lot of nostalgic high school feels for Em, plus turns out the sex scenes are a hectic experience to view when you’re watching along with your kids, who knew? Everyone probs. Anyway those high school feels usher in two horrendo revelations from Em and Michael about their teenage hookup efforts. We’ve all got those kind of awky teenage memories, so we’re confident you will actually LIVE for both of their stories. So plug in, get your listen on and prepare to be shook, in all the right ways. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are we all ready for a moment of gratitude? Em certainly is, she’s found her moment and she’s not afraid to wallow in it. Doing this podcast is giving her actual life and she will immerse herself up to the neck in that moment of gratitude, regardless of how twee or gross it might sound. This week has delivered us a pop culture bonanza so none of what you’re about to hear will challenge you in any way shape or form, so huzzah for that. To begin with, Em has a list of things to check off with you, we start with her latest viewing habits and the shows she’s loving right now from Metal Masters to The Great Pottery Throwdown. Then we check in on some news about Em’s daughter Odette, who recently found out that she has ADHD, which she is sharing with Odie’s permission of course. Em talks through her feels over the news, how she reacted to it and why she’s so thankful for the diagnosis. Then we welcome the return of Em’s bestie Michael, so they can reflect on the virtual meme-lympics that’s been going down between Em and her daughter Marchella around all the AMAZE pop culture events over the last week. Those moments include the VMA’s, the MET Gala and the Venice Film Festival, plus there’s also some props for Dannii Minogue’s 50 year old skin being all glowy, which ushers in a lovely recollection of two very different music video moments from the 90’s. Then it’s on to reflecting the sassy single mums Megan Fox and Kourtney Kardashian, who are going through a sexual renaissance and rebirth, which clearly comes from getting some good dick. Em is also here for them bringing back the “glamorous rack of lamb look” from the 90’s. Michael feels like all the red carpet looks of late are merging into one and Em isn’t feeling some of the looks or the invitees for the MET Gala this year either. She is however totes down for Rihanna’s After After Party celebrations, especially for it’s 4am start time. We also need to touch in on Nicki Minaj’s refusal to attend the MET Gala because of her cousin's friends swollen nuts, true story, apparently that revelation was enough for Nicki to refuse the MET Gala’s demands that everyone who attends the event having the Covid vaccine. This naturally allows Em to attend another pretend Brett Sutton press conference so she could ask the question we now all need answered. Then we need to talk about Kim Kardashian supposedly turning up to the MET Gala looking like a dementor from Harry Potter. Em isn’t having it, she also doesn’t think it was even her and she also isn’t buying that her and Kanye are broken up either. She also finds time to fully reject any resemblance to Kris Jenner. Finally there’s the news of Britney Spears' engagement announcement to Sam Asghari and her deleting her Instagram page. Em and Michael both have a different take on what’s going on there PLUS they also have a final episode of Michael’s new series ‘The Newsreader’ to discuss. Michael isn’t revealing much, but he does reveal he hasn’t even allowed Em to see the final episode yet. They will also squeeze in a last minute, before we wrap up, oops we nearly forgot chat about Madonna’s bum and her appearance at the MTV VMA’s. So get your best listening ears on and have at it as we tear up a full week of pop culture glitz and glam for your podcasting enjoyment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is this real life? Are we in the Matrix? Am I actually dreaming? What is sleep? Have we asked all of that already? Clearly we is living in some wild and hectic times and none of us want answers to those questions. Although we probs aren’t in the Matrix, so phew for that one at least. Anyway it's a much looser edition of the podcast this week, for a start both Em and Michael weren’t feeling the visual aspect of the pod, so no videos were filmed during the making of this episode. Em did however do some on camera work during the recording of her intro, so you will get some tele-visual one on one time through our socials, promise. A lot of this podcast is Em and Michael working through the wild and hectic times we’re currently experiencing, which means we need to call attention to the tension, anger and fed up vibes that seem to be hanging around all of the things right now. So we begin with an explain of why they’re both feeling like burnt out husks of humans, which means there’s living in activewear to cover off and also Michael’s lockdown smell to break down and analyse. Em offers up her vibe cleansing tips as a solution to that particular brand of stink, then it’s on to dealing with the energy that we all seem to be sharing right now. It’s like we’re all bored and angry and on edge and it’s starting to feel suffocating, and if one person does anything we perceive to be wrong, it doesn’t seem to even matter the size or the scope of the transgression, if enough people decide it's on, then it is well and truly ON. The nostalgia of last year's lockdown, where we could all join together and watch the numbers go down, has well and truly disappeared. Thankfully both Em and Michael have found a way to feel the anger, but also how to keep it to themselves and not unleash it onto the world wide web. So the Nadia Bartel situation is what we unpack first, it’s created a bajillion feature articles and think pieces for the media, and a heap of consequences for Nadia. Then we move onto Guy Sebastian back peddling on the entertainment industry campaign to encourage people to get the vaccine, created so we can get the live performance industry back up and running. Michael has a take on all the outrage that impresses Em so much that she encourages him to repeat it in a calm, soothing voice, in the hope that it offers up the salve we’re all desperately searching for. After we’ve talked through all of that, we slide into the joys of TV that isn’t reflecting anything to do with Covid, from re-watching Schitt's Creek for the 27th time, to viewing the newest version of Cinderella that combines a bunch of girl boss energy with wall to wall 90’s pop music mashups. Em loved it (James Corden got served some Billy Porter sass which apparently is worth the price of admission), Michael not so much (he needed more Gin), Scott walked out half way through. Finally we need to drop in on Em’s fever pitched online shopping efforts. She’s also crafted and decorated almost every inch of her house and is ready to move into Michael’s space to start force styling him into oblivion too, seems normal. So before you rage tweet or start a Facebook dumpster fire online, maybe take a deep breath or two, plug this podcast into your headphones, and force yourself into nature for a giggle and some low key huffy puffy while you listen, or just consume this while wearing yesterday's clothes on the couch, while you mindlessly push such and such from the back of the fridge into your eating hole. You do you boo. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can you stress craft and decorate your way out of a pandemic? We’re not entirely sure...but Em is currently doing ALL of the crafting and decorating research that she can manage, in a lah lah lah, nothing to see here, not watching the news, not even asking “how are you?” kind of vibe, that naturally comes from extended pandemic lockdowns. Thankfully the arrival of Spring and blossom and wattle blooms and sunshine are helping on the distraction front, there’s also a wedding anniversary for her and Scott to “celebrate” (more on that later) and a toddler who has clearly reached the “you’re not the boss of me” chuck a tanti and usher in meltdown mode, whenever I feel like it part of his development. So with all of that playing out in the background, and a pre-warning that Em is about to get her rant on, we usher in Em’s high school bestie Michael to get things underway. We’re gonna start with some loving for the return of Spring. There's a teeny tiny lockdown mention that immediately gets shutdown so we can focus on the positives, like celebrating the fact that Em and Scott have been married for 14 years, and together for 21 years, which is more than half of Em’s life. There’s some brutally realistic tips and secrets on how to keep a long term relationship alive, which includes words like “puppy dogs and sunshine” plus “you’re a fucken liar” and a wheezy laugh that ends with the word “fuck”. Honestly though, you will actually get some beautiful tips and theories, it’s entirely up to you if you decide to apply them to your relationship. Then it’s onto a topic that has both Micahel, and Em’s daughter Chella, asking “are you sure you really wanna talk about this?”. The topic that’s got both of them on edge is James Corden’s need to insert himself into popular culture moments, that he has no right inserting himself into. Both Em and Michael admit they initially really liked James Corden, and that he’s the kid they would have definitely been friends with in high school, BUT...things have certainly changed in the last few years. They’ll work through the examples of what has helped change their point of view. It’s an extensive list, which reached a peak when he donned a rodent suit and violently thrust his groin at a crowd of commuters trapped at a traffic stop on the streets of LA. Heads up, if you’re a fan of James, you don’t need to offer up your opinions via DM’s or posts tagging Em, she’s sure he’s a nice person, you also don’t have to agree with her, but she has a firm feeling about this and she is gonna have a vent. After that’s sorted we move onto the return of Dilemma Doctors, where Em and Michael offer up their thoughts and feels and try to solve a bunch of dilemmas from Emsolators. This means you’ll get answers on how to allow yourself to reach orgasm, rather than getting too nervous and shutting it down, whether you should keep or sell lockdown purchases that don’t fit, should a teacher still keep going with their career, and even a side quest about how appealing Scotts butt is, plus a bunch of stuff that isn’t really appealing AT ALL. There’s also two appearances of Elio and Scott during the recording, which have peak toddler making a sudden appearance during a BBC News cross energy. The first one really shows off that chuck a tanti vibe we mentioned earlier too. So get ready for a joyous ranti slash tanti filled edition of the only podcast that is feeling, all of the emotions, all of the time, and never really knows which one will be turning up at any moment, so standard operating procedure and job well done, HUZZAH! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices