Let’s have a bite from a big fat healthy TRUTH sandwich, we’re ALL TIRED, it’s all shit right now and Em and Michael feel like they can’t expend any more emotional bandwidth on the stuff you probably want them to talk about. So whilst they will touch on things like the Covid-19 situation unfolding around Australia, the latest Free Britney news, and even why the hell the Olympics are still going ahead, they can’t find the fun in all of that right now. They also can’t pretend to find it and smile their way through it, and they know you wouldn’t want them to do that anyway. So the focus of this episode is a distraction from all of those things, via a bunch of VERY spicy questions from Emsolation listeners. To quote Em when it comes to the questions you want answered, “there’s no lube, everyone came in dry, no courtesy fingers'' so after a sip of Tequila, or a “tip of Sequila” as Em actually says, we dive right in with a question that asks how is Em feeling after her ADHD diagnosis a few months ago. Yep we told you these questions don’t hold back on any level, for instance, you also wanted to know stuff like, does Michael actually get along with Em’s husband Scott, and even is Scott jealous of Michael’s relationship with Em. There’s also questions about why Em didn’t talk about RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under at all, even though she’s a huge fan, which brings up a comparison between the toxic hell that is Mumsnet.com and the fandom of Drag Race. Then we delve into Michael's relationship with his husband Adrian, which reveals quite a few romantic moments in their life happened at the airport, and also involved a mention of their devotion levels to Madonna, because of course it does. Then there’s the full reveal of how Michael proposed to Adrian, which involved an escalator, a protest, a street party, too many people and dancing in the rain to Kelly Clarkson songs. We get to hear Em’s best celebrity encounter to match Michael’s Madonna story from our ‘The Night of a Thousand Jennifers’ episode. The spiciest question though is for Michael when he has to answer “What is your favourite and least favourite quality of Ems?”, which he answers in detail even though it makes him feel super uncomfortable. Unsurprisingly Em doesn’t have any uncomfortable feels when it comes to answering that same question in relation to Michael. We also find out which episodes of Michael’s TV writing are his all time favourite, who is Em’s favourite Royal family member and would Michael ever write a TV show for Em. So get ready to digest a few truth bombs and roll around in the answers delivered to your spicy questions in an episode bound to give you a bunch of giggles and ALL of the right lockdown distractions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The title of this week's episode, ANVIL, will be a word you’ll wanna shout a lot during the start of this podcast, don’t worry, the fact we’ve chosen it as a name for the episode means that your yelling of that word, whilst not being heard in any way, shape or form, will result in it being repeated back to you and also acknowledged by the time we get to the wrapping up of things. In between, well once Em’s high school bestie Michael is ushered in, we get underway with thanks for Michael’s introduction from our last episode, plus some advice for those hoping to become seasoned in front of a microphone. We also get a commentary on Michael’s ability to change his look on the regular, and a full explain on why there won’t be any videos of them this week on socials, safe to say someone is rocking a swollen eye accessory that isn’t of their choosing, nor something they wanna be showing off either. Then we move on to how Sydney is coping with life in lockdown, this also allows for our first appearance of the Unicorn of Death, and a reflection on how her uncanny and ultimately depressing predictions, sometimes come home to roost. Of course Gladys is now having all her previous cocky statements brought up for a revisit, and also facing daily press conferences to discuss the latest developments as well. Thankfully, just like the daily press conferences in Victoria managed to offer up distractions, like Brett Sutton’s facial hair and hot Auslan guy, NSW press conferences have also managed to deliver the distracting goods. Like their Chief Health Officer, Dr Kerry Chant, who’s done everything from almost wipe her eye with the OUTSIDE of her protective mask, to reading updates with broken reading glasses that sat lopsided on her face. Then Em and Michael need to talk through the PM Wars that erupted over claims Scomo had bungled the delivery of the Pfizer vaccine. Then claims that ex PM, Kevin Rudd had fixed it, which Dutton was having none of, and Health Minister Greg Hunt had a giggle about, then Malcom Turnball had a go, which meant Scomo had to step into the fray again. Basically it got hectic messy, so Em has been on a deep dive and got all the receipts. She's also low key, loving how petty and “game on moles'' it has all become. Finally we’ll wrap up that ramble by offering up our second prediction from the Unicorn of Death, then it’s on to the utterly adorable and low key brilliance of Ash Barty. Em and Michael are HUGE fans and are just so stoked about her incredible journey, which culminated in her show stopping win at Wimbledon during NAIDOC Week, they’ve got LOTS of gushing and approval to drop her way. Then before we close things out, we spend some time celebrating Michael’s achievements of late, from the panic of re-writing TV scripts on the fly whilst trying to film around the restrictions of Sydney’s lockdown, to the fact he now has two TV shows, in Five Bedrooms and The Newsreader, both ready to hit our screens at the exact same time. So get amongst the audio goodness and make sure you stick around for two beautiful pieces of advice at the very end, we promise you won't be disappointed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you ready for an entire episode devoted to adoring Kat Stewart? If your answer is, who the hell is Kat Stewart...then HOW VERY DARE YOU, but also please allow us to educate you on her brilliance. Fun fact, she’s the Emsolation podcasts number one ticket holder, okay so we don’t actually have any tickets, (aside from the ones we have on ourselves, naturally) but what we mean is she’s officially our biggest fan and has been since Emsolation first started. She holds that position because she is a dear friend of both Em and Michael and she’s also been in almost ALL of our living rooms at one stage in our lives. You see Kat is famous for playing people like Roberta Williams in the TV Series Underbelly, and Nat Manning in Tangle, plus there’s her role as Billie Proudman in Offspring (a role written by Michael Lucas and actually based on our fabulous leader Em Rusciano) and lets not forget her current role as Liz Wendell in Five Bedrooms. Look, I could sit here and type up her entire IMDB profile if you want, but that’s hardly going to be as entertaining as this chat. To properly set the scene before you listen, please know that Em and Michael had both been having a teensy beverage, so they are feeling loose, also it was late at night, plus Em had no technical wizards to help her set up her recording devices, so there are a few hiccups within this episode. To begin we start with a very special introduction that Em hasn’t even heard, she actually won’t get to hear the introduction until she listens to the show once it’s gone live on Spotify, you’ll understand more once you plug yourself in and have a listen. Also it should be flagged that the hateful warlock of technical difficulties strikes again, this time he actually refused to record Em’s vocals. So you’ll get a great and hilarious chat for about 30 minutes, then you’ll get selected highlights of the rest of the chat that feature recorded introductions from Em and then Kat and Michael’s replies. In all honesty, the tequila when mixed with Em’s competitive nature, plus the fact that Michael did actual research for once, means he was in for a whole heap of mockery throughout, so we took the actual funniest parts of the lost conversation and present them to you in bite size perfection. They include two wonderful pieces of Kat Stewart trivia from Michael, who loves to reveal uncomfortable secrets at the drop of a hat, plus there’s a bunch of info on the forthcoming season of Five Bedrooms and also some proof that Kat is a huge fan of this podcast as well. Honestly, the stuff that was lost probably should stay lost, so we are seeing it as a blessing, but Em will be making a sacrifice of some sort to ensure that we manage to move forward without any technical hiccups in future episodes. So settle in for three mates having a huge gasbag about their friendship, a revisit with Kat’s work as Roberta Williams in Underbelly, including a return of that character to our podcast mic, there’s also a heap of Offspring talk, including the return of the fact that Michael is responsible for killing off Patrick, and how much info Michael stole from Em’s actual life, to slip into the script. Plus there’s soooo much more audio goodness that you didn’t know you needed in your ears, until you actually hear it, so hurry up and get amongst it now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We are all about the giant wang in the Netflix series ‘Sex/Life’ in this episode of Emsolation, but before we usher in the ‘hefty in his pants’ chat, we should probs start this description with some bad news first. The bad news can begin by acknowledging the hateful warlock who clearly must have decided, rather mysteriously, to curse Em many eons ago when it comes to technology (I‘m seeing a creepy, dusty, man cave style castle, a withered, spiteful old bearded dude, some shitty, centuries old, spell casting book, and a twisted, anger filled, magic wand, that’s fully been built for casting totes shitty spells with) anyway this crappy warlock has fully decided to render Em unable to be around any technology. So much so that said tech just immediately does everything in its technological power to thwart her from ever having a successful operation of its inner workings. Hence the recording of this episode is riddled with technical problems, you’ll get a full explain on what happened once you start listening. Once that’s sorted, then it’s on to all that was recoverable from the audio we could save, and that’s where the good news kicks in. That’s mostly because what we did manage to rescue actually covers off a bunch of wang chat and a bit of Britney chat too. So whilst this episode is shorter than what you normally get from our podcast, it does contain all the best bits of what was talked about during the recording. Thankfully, the unexpected arrival of a big willy on screen (which is from about 19.59 to 20.10 in episode 3) of the new Netflix series ‘Sex/Life’, shook Em so much that her discussion with Michael about the surprise schlong is extensive and detailed. It covers everything, from is it a real one or an expertly fashioned stick on ding-a-ling, where Em was when maximum manhood was revealed on her TV screen, to how she reacted once it leapt into her eye holes. Then it moves onto a chat about how casting peeps might have reacted to the unveiling of the penis shaped python, all the way through to a very special heftily hung inspired Hamilton musical performance on the fly. Basically THIS is the ONLY conversation worthy of your ears when it comes to reflecting ‘Sex/Life’ the TV show. So probs don’t listen while the kids are around, unless you wanna step into a conversation with your offspring to explain how it is possible for two 30 plus adults to deliver that many juvenile pickle puns and assorted johnson jokes over such an extended period of time. Finally we drop in on the revelations revealed when Britney Spears stepped into court to contest her conservatorship last week. Em and Michael both feel everything that needs to be said about it, has already been said. The only thing they really wanna reflect is the abhorrent behavior of everyone involved, that her story might help other women who have had an IUD inserted against their will, especially those with disabilities, and also if Britney might one day reveal if she really was sending coded messages in her instagram posts to alert people to her situation. So now that you’re fully forewarned, unlike everyone who had donkey sized dong flashed in their face unawares, please put on your listening devices and get around it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grow some? We can assure you that our undergrowth is fully grown, in fact we are rocking a full 70’s bush for this edition of Emsolation, it’s totally whipper snipper worthy and ready to deflect any clapbacks from sassy political siblings. Speaking of politics, we’re ushering in a bonanza of political palaver to kick start this episode, starting with the “how the hell is he back” return of Barnaby Joyce. Yep, the politician who helped usher in the bonk ban after sleeping with his media adviser and getting her pregnant and ultimately resigned from his ministerial and leadership roles with the National Party after that was revealed, along with accusations of sexual harassment, has somehow managed to have himself re-installed back in charge again after ANOTHER leadership spill. So situation normal for Australian Politics. Naturally Em and Michael have a lot to work through, from the car crash that was his swearing in ceremony, that saw Scomo dialing in via video conference while under home quarantine just 5 kilometres away at the Lodge. To Barnaby’s son attempting to gatecrash his official photoshoot with the PM and the Governor General, only to be stopped by Barnaby placing a not so discreet hand on his head to keep him out of shot. Michael also needs to see if the Unicorn of Death thinks any of this will affect Scomo come election time. While you process Em’s prediction, we’ll be tackling the news of the growing coronavirus cluster in Sydney. While Victoria seems to go into lockdown at the mention of the word Covid, Sydney seems to be a hell of a lot looser, with having a dance and going to the gym still being on the have at it list, go figure. Obviously all the chat about Sydney means we’ve gotta talk about Gladys Berejiklian AND Em’s newest obsession, her younger sister Mary. Thanks to Mary’s efforts on social media, we now know Gladys is dating the prominent barrister who represented her during an anti corruption inquiry into her disgraced former lover. Mary’s Instagram post of Gladys talking with Arthur Moses SC and it’s caption “After work Friday feels with these two…Glad and her boo” helped expose everything. Mary’s also not shy when it comes to clapping back at those who come after her sister online, in fact her post telling a Gladys hater to “grow some pubes” helped inspire the title of this episode. Finally, just to ensure we stay in the political realm, we’ll wrap things up with a chat about Justin and Hailey Bieber’s visit with French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte, and even squeeze in a Lovenundrum from an Emsolation listener. This Lovenundrum doesn’t just come with advice from Em and Michael, this time around we also call in Em’s eldest daughter Chella to offer her thoughts too, so expect varying results and recommendations, and strangely enough, lots of Dawson's Creek references and even a shoutout for Michael's partner Adrian. So get ready for some icky sticky politics stuff and lots of love action too, huzzah. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay today's episode is A LOT...so you can rest assured that our standard operating procedures are all down pat and we are delivering the glitter soaked goods. We’ve got some problematic stuff to cover off within this episode, so to get things underway, Em and Michael are just gonna dive face first into the latest Bennifer news (or Jenjamin for those that prefer the updated version of their celebrity couple name) because HUZZAH we’ve got an actual video of them swapping their famous mouth parts in full display at Nobu. Naturally this kind of upload was forwarded to Em by Michael IMMEDIATELY, with strict instructions in all caps for her to view it. So not only will you get the full breakdown of how it was received by Em, but there’s also chat around who else was at the table while they were getting their snog on, what this all means, plus all of the questions, like has Jen forced Ben to remove his horrendo rising phoenix back tattoo, to Michael wondering what their wedding might be like, cue Em actually short circuiting about that thought. There’s even a rogue comment about slipping into a comfy pair of trackie dacks that kind of goes a smidge off track too. You’re gonna love ALL of it. Then we have to tackle the recent apology from Chrissy Teigen, about her past habit of sending horrendous abusive and toxic tweets and messages to a stack of peeps, including Lindsay Lohan, a star of the reality show ‘Teen Mom’, and a 16 year old girl who’d married a 51 year old actor. This is a conversation Em and Michael have attempted to tackle previously, but never followed through on because it's so problematic, plus online cancel culture is such a hectic chat. This time around though, we are going all in, and whilst Em and Michael are all about genuine apologies and owning your own crap, they’re not about performative apologies that ring a little bit hollow. It’s a complex topic and they’re not about to solve anything with this conversation, but you will certainly have a heap of thoughts and feels to process after you’ve heard it. Finally it’s over to Michael for the rundown on Scomo’s friendship with a full-tilt QAnon devotee, as revealed in a Four Corners episode during the week, and his recent choice to pose outside a British pub whilst visiting the UK. Em’s avoided all of it, so if you’re unaware of what's been going down, prepare for a full update from Michael, that's occasionally interrupted with the usual gasps and expert commentary you’d expect from Em. It’s well known that Em loves a conspiracy theory, but she’s not about to sign up to anything like the stuff that QAnon are peddling. So slip into your favourite comfy trackie dacks and get your listen on when you’re ready for the full experience of this week's episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In case you missed it earlier in the week, one of New Zealand's favourite musical exports somehow managed to break the internet. Obviously if you are reading this on your phone it means the internet wasn’t actually broken for long, in all truth, it wasn’t broken at all, but we all know how news and gossip sites like to oversell and exaggerate things. So for the unaware, on Monday when singer, songwriter extraordinaire Lorde, decided to tease new music coming in 2021, by dropping a picture of her butt, in all it’s glorious cover art detail, the internet apparently lost its collective mind. Doesn’t take much does it? Obviously Em and Michael have deep feels for all that Lorde does musically, so the arrival of her butt, as seen from below as it flies through the air, to announce a new album, was enough to send both of them into a picture sharing frenzy of SMS chat and excitement. So to get things started Em and Michael devote a few minutes to talking about Lorde’s glorious butt reveal for her forthcoming album ‘Solar Power’. Is it a climate change anthem, is this better than Billie Eilish’s recent Vogue cover reveal and what exactly would it look like if Em decided to tackle the cover herself, all these questions do get answered. Then we move onto the comedy special that everyone is raving about, Bo Burnham’s ‘Inside’ on Netflix. To say that Em and Michael were shook by ‘Inside’ is an understatement, the music, the lighting, the songs, the unrelenting lockdown feels, it is so epic on so many levels. So if you’re yet to indulge and give it a viewing, expect to be inundated with half a bajillion reasons why you should put it in front of your eye holes immediately. Finally we step into the murky world of conspiracy theories again, but this time around it’s a lot closer to home. This one involves Victorian Liberals treasury spokesperson, Louise Staley, who issued a press release on Monday (the same day the internet was supposedly broken by Lorde...does that mean her bottom is somehow involved in the moon landing of Bill Gates with his 5G DNA samples...kidding hehe) anyway Louise’s press release included a list of 12 “unanswered” questions about Dan Andrews back injury. It basically set the cats amongst the conspiracy pigeons (are they even a thing?) and ended up meaning Ambulance Victoria had to release a press statement about Dan’s injury. It also turns out Em was actually in the hospital the same time as Dan, so all the receipts are coming home to roost with those cooing conspiracy pigeons, meh this pigeon idiom just got fully weird. We also find out more info on Hot Auslan Guy and a conspiracy theory Em and Michael suggested in our previous episode, PLUS MIchael got the vaccine jab, so strap yourself in for a very busy ride that starts with butt chat and ends with a tiny prick, see what we did there, okay carry on. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our title might suggest that this podcast is trying to slide into your DM’s for some sexy time, or that this Emsolation episode is just wall to wall “booty call” chat...but there’s only one reference to it. Before that reference makes an appearance though, there’s time for some cake chat (mmmm now I wanna eat cake), then it’s on to lockdown life in Victorian for a 4th time. Aside from the top to toe clean Em’s house is experiencing, the only other thing we have to cling to is the daily Covid press conferences, featuring appearances from the rather dishy Victorian Health Minister, Brett Sutton, and the other pervable sensation of 2020, HOT Auslan guy. They’re both back on our screens offering up their version of sexy for Em and Michael to drool over. Naturally if you aren’t in Victoria you’re probably going to have to do an online search for Brett Sutton and the Hot Auslan Guy, if you haven’t already. That discussion helps usher in some thoughts from Michael around his 20’s and also how lockdown has inspired a rush to get vaccinated. That means Em and Michael suddenly find themselves doing a bit of vaccine chat, and as we all know, there’s nothing problematic about that conversation EVER, is there? Well actually, YES, there is a LOT of problematic around that convo, especially on social media, and Em and Michael aren’t afraid to talk about it and break it all down. We also asked you what you wanted us to chat about on the show in our Instagram stories, and it seems most of you were mad keen on getting to the bottom of the negative reaction the media and officials had to Naomi Osaka’s decision to pull out of press conferences at the French Open. Em gets a chance to show off how tennis she is, talks about the pressure of media conferences and being in the spotlight, and even tries to list all the tennis players she knows, turns out way more than she thought. Finally, we touch on why Michael’s name isn’t on the Emsolation branding and we also gotta talk about the Cruella de Vil origin story that Disney have just released in cinemas and online. It’s called ‘Cruella’ and stars Emma Stone and Emma Thompson, safe to say both Em and Michael are LIVING for it, with Em fully peaking. The critics have been a smidge dismissive in their reviews, but Em and Michael are having none of that, in fact, Em is so inspired by what she saw on screen, that she’s been trying to work out how she can factor a cape with a fiery reveal into her day to day life. So settle in for a whirlwind ride from cake, all the way to campery, once again, standard, hugs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After spending last week's episode delving into ye olde STI’s, it would seem our old mate Coronavirus was feeling totes left out, so it’s just gone out and slapped us with its own low key super spreader event in Melbourne, because of course it has. The fact that Em and her band are just days away from FINALLY getting back on the road, clearly means sweet buggery all to the bane of 2020 and beyond that is Covid19. There’s naturally no need to place any bets on if the Unicorn of Death will canter out to call it for a snap lockdown, she’s already bolted from the stable and frightened the barnyard chickens by saying it's happening and the Magical Seahorse of Hope has resigned himself to coming along for the ride. There’s a tiny meltdown about what this means for touring performers and all the people that are employed to help deliver us these much needed artistic escapes. Michael tries to help, by looking for a brightside, but fails miserably, at the very least he may have helped develop another name for a forthcoming tour, or book title or True Hollywood Story from Em. Then it’s all about the sequins, jockstraps and other random such and such, that is, the 2021 Eurovision contest, although Em and Michael aren’t as impressed with the level of wackness that Eurovision seems to be delivering on the regular now. It all seems a bit too polished and profesh, and even more weirdly, some of the songs are actually really good, which NEVER used to be the case. There is however LOTS to discuss, from the UK entrant, to the winning country of Italy and the accusations of rampant on camera booger sugar abuse. Em has all of the thoughts worth entertaining, she also still has her dream of making her Eurovision debut as well, but obvs her on stage scenario will be more in keeping with old school Eurovision feels. Once we’ve worked through that super detailed fever dream, we still have time to talk the big Throuple alert of the week...is that kind of alert a thing yet? It is now, after the internet frothed out over pictures that seemed to show a three way smooch happening between New Zealand's favourite movie guru and funny guy, Taika Waititi, Hollywood actor Tessa Thompson, and UK singer Rita Ora. Em and Michael were understandably excited by the theories and thoughts the photos have created, but they aren’t about to call it as worthy of applying official throuple status to just yet. Finally, Michael seems to have developed an obsession for a singer who’s waaaay too young for his ears, and Em isn’t afraid to call him out on it. Michael’s connection and passion for 18 year old Olivia Rodrigo’s debut album ‘Sour’, is something Em can’t and won’t support and she’s definitely not having it. Find out why, plus experience an eerily accurate performance from Em of how a lot of up and coming female performers are now approaching the art of singing, it’s truly haunting and well worth a listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices