Are you ready to do some deep breathing? Not the kind you do after some huffy puffy or running to catch your chosen option of public transport...bugger that nonsense. We’re talking about that other kind of nonsense breathing you do, you know, when you’re desperately trying to centre yourself, finding your “moment of zen”, or just trying to keep on smiling and not scream, that kind of breathing. Em will talk you through it, plus she’ll give you the ultimate excuse to keep listening to this pod while you work. Then we’ll offer up a quick rundown on her side hustle of interior decorating, before we get into the bulk of this episode, working our way through the questions Emsolators demanded answers for via the Emsolation podcast Instagram page. Together Em and Michael will cover off heaps of this and that and such and such, but to get things started, we kick off with the Number One question everyone is keen to get an update on, which is, what did Michael think of the reaction he got to the debut screening of his new ABC TV show ‘The Newsreader’ on Sunday night? Obviously it was a HUGE success and it also proved to be an entertaining highlight during a week that delivered some utterly awful news. That’s why we’ve chosen to keep this entire episode light and fun by delivering up answers on everything from the TV shows that defined Em and Michael’s High School experience (where we’ll witness a not so shocking revelation that they both pick the exact same TV show, besties for life right) plus the show that Em’s mum didn’t want her to watch because it gave Em a “bad attitude”. We also find out which show Em would pick to perform at, if she could ONLY choose one between Madonna or John Peter Farnham. Then there’s the question about if Em would ever act as surrogate for Michael and his husband Adrian, and also would Michael want Em to be their surrogate for a baby? They actually get heated and disagree over who’s the hottest Disney Prince and why, we also help an Emsolator with some very tricky in-law dramas and Michael has to give his take on witnessing Em go through all the drama that came from her time doing breakfast radio again. There’s also time for which of the Hogwarts Houses they’d belong to (fun fact, Em has thought about this A LOT) and should you help someone come out before they’re ready to acknowledge it for themselves. Plus there seems to be A LOT of women in their 30’s, who are single, watching time slip by as the pandemic continues, wondering how they will ever meet someone, thankfully Em and Michael have some great advice and experiences to share that will definitely help you if you’re in that sort of headspace right now. Finally there’s answers from Em about when she knew Scott was the one, which offers up a full rundown of how they met and their very first date, so prepare to feel ALL of the emotions and get some healthy distractions from any and everything you might be experiencing right now, you’ve got this and we’ve got you too, hugs beautiful. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How good is a pandemic lockdown? Get absolutely farked...is what we wanna say, and clearly we just did, but at least we didn’t capitalise it to make it REALLY STAND OUT huh. Anyway, this episode finds our fabulous leader finally hitting the virtual pandemic wall. So for this recording of Emsolation, you just need to visualise Em barricaded behind her bedroom door, her two year old Elio trying to get in, some half done home renos underway, a house full of family members can’t escape, plus having had a sneak peek at Michael’s new TV show, Em was also dealing with some things she wasn’t really expecting to feel, or process, whilst watching it. Basically we get a full “I can’t believe I said that all out loud” style introduction to start us off. Then, once Michael arrives, we get down to business by flagging the snitchy text Michael sent to Em, which actually threw Em enough to actually require her to consult her family about it. Michael’s new show ‘The Newsreader’ premieres on the ABC this Sunday, so he’s under pressure and feeling it. Thankfully Em’s got some glorious feedback from her dad Vincie for Michael about the first season of his TV show ‘5 Bedrooms’, but the SMS she sent him after watching the first episode of ‘The Newsreader’, probably needed a lot more context and information. Luckily she manages to give more of that context and information, plus a bunch of love and adulation for it within this episode. It’s safe to say that Em and Michael’s friendship, and their relationship together, has helped inspire the characters A LOT, so there were a lot of feels for Em watching all of that back on screen for the first time. She’s super proud of him and the show he’s created. You’re gonna lap up all the chat around the creation of the show, and some of the inspiration that Michael drew from to help bring it together, which will really help you enjoy the show even more, trust us. Then it’s onto the hectic reaction that came to light around the release of Jock Zonfrillo’s autobiography ‘Last Shot’. There’s the peeing against the wall in a kilt publicity picture, the fact that some of the famous people Jock mentions in the book actually reject his version of events, and even that some are claiming that Jock’s tortured past wasn't nearly as tortured as he claims. Once they navigate all of that, they drop in on the TV shows that they’ve been loving to binge while in lockdown, like ‘Hacks’ which is now showing on Stan. It’s the kind of show both Em and Michael wished they’d written and also stars Jean Smart, one of their favourite actors from a show they devoured as kids in the late 80’s, ‘Designing Women’. Michael also has props for ‘The White Lotus’ a brand new TV series from the guy who created the film ‘School of Rock’, plus Em’s having major feels for ‘Vivo’ the new animated film from Lin-Manuel Miranda who created the musical ‘Hamilton’. So get ready for lots of TV and movie chat, with a side of who the bloody hell would have thought all of that would come out of an autobiography from Jock of Masterchef fame, plus a true celebration of Em and Michael’s friendship and how it keeps inspiring Michael to create wonderful things for us to enjoy on our TV screens. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pretty sure we should start this description by saying that this house is PACKED! Like we are talking a hoarders level of content, crammed into each and every nook and cranny of the episode. Thankfully as you navigate this podcast, you can rest assured that none of it is concealing a long dead pet (that we know of) or at risk of toppling over onto you as you try and squeeze past it. So to begin Em’s got an update on where she’s at with her recent ADHD diagnosis, which includes a stack of great advice for anyone who’s been thinking about getting tested, or knows someone who’s recently been diagnosed with ADHD. Then we usher in Michael so we can talk through the things that have aroused their interest this week, beginning with the release of the ‘House of Gucci’ movie trailer featuring Lady Gaga and Adam Driver. It’s arrival has dumped a world of excitement into both Em and Michael’s existence, safe to say they are LIVING for ALL of it. Together they’ll basically froth out over what are already proving to be the standout quotes that Lady Gaga’s character offers up in the trailer. There’s also time to talk through how Italy, and most Italians, will probably react to the movie, which then spins off into a discussion of some Aussie themed versions of the movie that Em and Michael would be keen to see. None of them are as dark as the story the ‘House of Gucci’ offers up, but who wouldn’t be keen to sit through an Aussie themed bio pic on some of our most “colourful” artists and fashion designers from the 80’s. We also talk about the vintage Gucci outfits and delve into how Adam Driver has now given us the horse themed advertising moment we never knew we needed. Naturally our official thirst officer is hungie percent HERE. FOR. IT. Then it’s on to more ‘Lympics chat with a focus on how amazing Tom Daley is as he crochets himself into our hearts, plus there’s the nearly endless tragic backstories that the Games have offered up, and a very special athletics update from Em’s daughter Chella to deliver, which comes with a bonus sport themed intro as fashioned by Em on the fly, as you’d expect, it’s an utter treat. Normally this is where I’d say “and finally” but remember how we said this house is crammed with content? Exactly, so that means we’ve also got time for a full rundown on how Em and Michael now believe that if Ben Affleck is enjoying a moment in the sun, as he clearly is with his J’Lo romance right now. Then that should naturally mean that Matt Damon must endure a moment at the bottom, which he certainly has been experiencing this week after making some rather clueless comments during a recent interview. That gets followed up with the news that Em’s favourite Royal, Fergie, of the toe sucking fame, not the Black Eyed Peas, is about to unleash her debut Mills and Boon romance novel on an unsuspecting public. Obviously, just like Adam Driver being a sexy horse man thing on the beach somewhere, once again, Em is totally HERE. FOR. IT. So much so, that she will not only work through ALL the latest details on Fergie’s forthcoming book ‘Her Heart for a Compass’, but also encourage Michael to offer up his take on how her toe sucking escapades should be described romance novel style, before adding her own breathless toe sucking version into the mix. THEN, and yes that is meant to be in capitals, because there is still more, she’ll offer up her definite list of must read romance novels, covering off drool worthy reads for all sorts of thirsty souls. Before FINALLY offering up a thirst officer vent, which really is the final item that we can fit into this “call the council, check on the inhabitants, we’re almost bursting at the seams” episode of the House of Emsolation. You may have not asked for it, or even expected it, but you are certainly going to get a LOT out of this episode, so plug in and press play at your earliest convenience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

YAAAAY ‘LYMPICS!!! Yes, after being delayed for a year, thanks to a global pandemic, the socially distanced and deeply disinfected 2020 Olympics have finally begun in Tokyo, and to say it’s been a different experience from previous ‘lympics is an understatement, with a no shit Sherlock sprinkled on top. Regardless of the empty stadiums and the rather sombre opening ceremony, our fearless leader Em has done a back two and a half somersault with two and one half twists pike into ALL. OF. IT. So much so that she’s already entertaining ideas of finding a way to compete in the Brisbane Olympics in 2032, she runs through all her possible options with Michael, all whilst rocking a fabulous blue wig, a tiara and an Emsolation hoodie, because...well, why wouldn’t she? Aside from the need to insert herself into the competition, Em has also been spending Locky D taking on the heavy task of being the official thirst officer of the Olympic “talent”, and by “talent” we mean any and all perfectly formed HOT body part owners. It’s pretty much a role she was born to do and if you’ve been following her on Instagram you will have seen a LOT of engaging content. Let’s face it, if someone is going to work that hard to hone their physique for their chosen profession, isn't it our duty to applaud them for their perfectly formed biceps, triceps, calves, or gluteus maximus? Exactly, and Em sees you and your rock hard bodies and she is totally here for it. There’s also time for Michael to reveal his very optimistic story of how he once actually convinced himself that his swimming skills were at the same level of Ian Thorpe. We’re not about to ruin the reveal of how he actually worked that out, or what it almost inspired him to do about it, but we will say that Em had a REALLY hearty laugh about it, and we think you will too. We also need to talk about how Ariarne Titmus’s win inspired her coach to dry hump an Olympic railing in celebration, which hasn’t gone down well in America, safe to say Em and Michael are having none of it. Once that’s covered off we need to delve into the developing situation in Sydney and how Melbourne has finally come out of lockdown, while positive case numbers continue to increase in NSW. It’s been difficult to watch, and the lockdown protests didn’t help ease the anxiety. We work through all of it and Em even has a deep and meaningful about the vaccine, and science, and all of the anger that comes from people not being on the same page. It’s an exhausting thing to have to chat about, but once it’s done we then move swiftly onto one of our favourite topics for this podcast, with the latest developments around Bennifer/Jenjamin 2.0. They’ve gone full Insta-official during celebrations for J’Lo’s 52nd birthday with Jenny from the Block sharing some side ab realness in picture form with a final reveal of her and Ben locked in a deep kiss. There’s a lot to unpack and we honestly believe their reunion is the thing we need to help us survive the global pandemic. So prepare yourself for another deep dive into their relationship history, we even get a rather glowing and positive prediction from the Unicorn of Death. Yep, it really does go all the way there, and there’s a lot more before that too, so settle in for a complete and utterly satisfying ride for you and your ears. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s have a bite from a big fat healthy TRUTH sandwich, we’re ALL TIRED, it’s all shit right now and Em and Michael feel like they can’t expend any more emotional bandwidth on the stuff you probably want them to talk about. So whilst they will touch on things like the Covid-19 situation unfolding around Australia, the latest Free Britney news, and even why the hell the Olympics are still going ahead, they can’t find the fun in all of that right now. They also can’t pretend to find it and smile their way through it, and they know you wouldn’t want them to do that anyway. So the focus of this episode is a distraction from all of those things, via a bunch of VERY spicy questions from Emsolation listeners. To quote Em when it comes to the questions you want answered, “there’s no lube, everyone came in dry, no courtesy fingers'' so after a sip of Tequila, or a “tip of Sequila” as Em actually says, we dive right in with a question that asks how is Em feeling after her ADHD diagnosis a few months ago. Yep we told you these questions don’t hold back on any level, for instance, you also wanted to know stuff like, does Michael actually get along with Em’s husband Scott, and even is Scott jealous of Michael’s relationship with Em. There’s also questions about why Em didn’t talk about RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under at all, even though she’s a huge fan, which brings up a comparison between the toxic hell that is Mumsnet.com and the fandom of Drag Race. Then we delve into Michael's relationship with his husband Adrian, which reveals quite a few romantic moments in their life happened at the airport, and also involved a mention of their devotion levels to Madonna, because of course it does. Then there’s the full reveal of how Michael proposed to Adrian, which involved an escalator, a protest, a street party, too many people and dancing in the rain to Kelly Clarkson songs. We get to hear Em’s best celebrity encounter to match Michael’s Madonna story from our ‘The Night of a Thousand Jennifers’ episode. The spiciest question though is for Michael when he has to answer “What is your favourite and least favourite quality of Ems?”, which he answers in detail even though it makes him feel super uncomfortable. Unsurprisingly Em doesn’t have any uncomfortable feels when it comes to answering that same question in relation to Michael. We also find out which episodes of Michael’s TV writing are his all time favourite, who is Em’s favourite Royal family member and would Michael ever write a TV show for Em. So get ready to digest a few truth bombs and roll around in the answers delivered to your spicy questions in an episode bound to give you a bunch of giggles and ALL of the right lockdown distractions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The title of this week's episode, ANVIL, will be a word you’ll wanna shout a lot during the start of this podcast, don’t worry, the fact we’ve chosen it as a name for the episode means that your yelling of that word, whilst not being heard in any way, shape or form, will result in it being repeated back to you and also acknowledged by the time we get to the wrapping up of things. In between, well once Em’s high school bestie Michael is ushered in, we get underway with thanks for Michael’s introduction from our last episode, plus some advice for those hoping to become seasoned in front of a microphone. We also get a commentary on Michael’s ability to change his look on the regular, and a full explain on why there won’t be any videos of them this week on socials, safe to say someone is rocking a swollen eye accessory that isn’t of their choosing, nor something they wanna be showing off either. Then we move on to how Sydney is coping with life in lockdown, this also allows for our first appearance of the Unicorn of Death, and a reflection on how her uncanny and ultimately depressing predictions, sometimes come home to roost. Of course Gladys is now having all her previous cocky statements brought up for a revisit, and also facing daily press conferences to discuss the latest developments as well. Thankfully, just like the daily press conferences in Victoria managed to offer up distractions, like Brett Sutton’s facial hair and hot Auslan guy, NSW press conferences have also managed to deliver the distracting goods. Like their Chief Health Officer, Dr Kerry Chant, who’s done everything from almost wipe her eye with the OUTSIDE of her protective mask, to reading updates with broken reading glasses that sat lopsided on her face. Then Em and Michael need to talk through the PM Wars that erupted over claims Scomo had bungled the delivery of the Pfizer vaccine. Then claims that ex PM, Kevin Rudd had fixed it, which Dutton was having none of, and Health Minister Greg Hunt had a giggle about, then Malcom Turnball had a go, which meant Scomo had to step into the fray again. Basically it got hectic messy, so Em has been on a deep dive and got all the receipts. She's also low key, loving how petty and “game on moles'' it has all become. Finally we’ll wrap up that ramble by offering up our second prediction from the Unicorn of Death, then it’s on to the utterly adorable and low key brilliance of Ash Barty. Em and Michael are HUGE fans and are just so stoked about her incredible journey, which culminated in her show stopping win at Wimbledon during NAIDOC Week, they’ve got LOTS of gushing and approval to drop her way. Then before we close things out, we spend some time celebrating Michael’s achievements of late, from the panic of re-writing TV scripts on the fly whilst trying to film around the restrictions of Sydney’s lockdown, to the fact he now has two TV shows, in Five Bedrooms and The Newsreader, both ready to hit our screens at the exact same time. So get amongst the audio goodness and make sure you stick around for two beautiful pieces of advice at the very end, we promise you won't be disappointed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you ready for an entire episode devoted to adoring Kat Stewart? If your answer is, who the hell is Kat Stewart...then HOW VERY DARE YOU, but also please allow us to educate you on her brilliance. Fun fact, she’s the Emsolation podcasts number one ticket holder, okay so we don’t actually have any tickets, (aside from the ones we have on ourselves, naturally) but what we mean is she’s officially our biggest fan and has been since Emsolation first started. She holds that position because she is a dear friend of both Em and Michael and she’s also been in almost ALL of our living rooms at one stage in our lives. You see Kat is famous for playing people like Roberta Williams in the TV Series Underbelly, and Nat Manning in Tangle, plus there’s her role as Billie Proudman in Offspring (a role written by Michael Lucas and actually based on our fabulous leader Em Rusciano) and lets not forget her current role as Liz Wendell in Five Bedrooms. Look, I could sit here and type up her entire IMDB profile if you want, but that’s hardly going to be as entertaining as this chat. To properly set the scene before you listen, please know that Em and Michael had both been having a teensy beverage, so they are feeling loose, also it was late at night, plus Em had no technical wizards to help her set up her recording devices, so there are a few hiccups within this episode. To begin we start with a very special introduction that Em hasn’t even heard, she actually won’t get to hear the introduction until she listens to the show once it’s gone live on Spotify, you’ll understand more once you plug yourself in and have a listen. Also it should be flagged that the hateful warlock of technical difficulties strikes again, this time he actually refused to record Em’s vocals. So you’ll get a great and hilarious chat for about 30 minutes, then you’ll get selected highlights of the rest of the chat that feature recorded introductions from Em and then Kat and Michael’s replies. In all honesty, the tequila when mixed with Em’s competitive nature, plus the fact that Michael did actual research for once, means he was in for a whole heap of mockery throughout, so we took the actual funniest parts of the lost conversation and present them to you in bite size perfection. They include two wonderful pieces of Kat Stewart trivia from Michael, who loves to reveal uncomfortable secrets at the drop of a hat, plus there’s a bunch of info on the forthcoming season of Five Bedrooms and also some proof that Kat is a huge fan of this podcast as well. Honestly, the stuff that was lost probably should stay lost, so we are seeing it as a blessing, but Em will be making a sacrifice of some sort to ensure that we manage to move forward without any technical hiccups in future episodes. So settle in for three mates having a huge gasbag about their friendship, a revisit with Kat’s work as Roberta Williams in Underbelly, including a return of that character to our podcast mic, there’s also a heap of Offspring talk, including the return of the fact that Michael is responsible for killing off Patrick, and how much info Michael stole from Em’s actual life, to slip into the script. Plus there’s soooo much more audio goodness that you didn’t know you needed in your ears, until you actually hear it, so hurry up and get amongst it now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We are all about the giant wang in the Netflix series ‘Sex/Life’ in this episode of Emsolation, but before we usher in the ‘hefty in his pants’ chat, we should probs start this description with some bad news first. The bad news can begin by acknowledging the hateful warlock who clearly must have decided, rather mysteriously, to curse Em many eons ago when it comes to technology (I‘m seeing a creepy, dusty, man cave style castle, a withered, spiteful old bearded dude, some shitty, centuries old, spell casting book, and a twisted, anger filled, magic wand, that’s fully been built for casting totes shitty spells with) anyway this crappy warlock has fully decided to render Em unable to be around any technology. So much so that said tech just immediately does everything in its technological power to thwart her from ever having a successful operation of its inner workings. Hence the recording of this episode is riddled with technical problems, you’ll get a full explain on what happened once you start listening. Once that’s sorted, then it’s on to all that was recoverable from the audio we could save, and that’s where the good news kicks in. That’s mostly because what we did manage to rescue actually covers off a bunch of wang chat and a bit of Britney chat too. So whilst this episode is shorter than what you normally get from our podcast, it does contain all the best bits of what was talked about during the recording. Thankfully, the unexpected arrival of a big willy on screen (which is from about 19.59 to 20.10 in episode 3) of the new Netflix series ‘Sex/Life’, shook Em so much that her discussion with Michael about the surprise schlong is extensive and detailed. It covers everything, from is it a real one or an expertly fashioned stick on ding-a-ling, where Em was when maximum manhood was revealed on her TV screen, to how she reacted once it leapt into her eye holes. Then it moves onto a chat about how casting peeps might have reacted to the unveiling of the penis shaped python, all the way through to a very special heftily hung inspired Hamilton musical performance on the fly. Basically THIS is the ONLY conversation worthy of your ears when it comes to reflecting ‘Sex/Life’ the TV show. So probs don’t listen while the kids are around, unless you wanna step into a conversation with your offspring to explain how it is possible for two 30 plus adults to deliver that many juvenile pickle puns and assorted johnson jokes over such an extended period of time. Finally we drop in on the revelations revealed when Britney Spears stepped into court to contest her conservatorship last week. Em and Michael both feel everything that needs to be said about it, has already been said. The only thing they really wanna reflect is the abhorrent behavior of everyone involved, that her story might help other women who have had an IUD inserted against their will, especially those with disabilities, and also if Britney might one day reveal if she really was sending coded messages in her instagram posts to alert people to her situation. So now that you’re fully forewarned, unlike everyone who had donkey sized dong flashed in their face unawares, please put on your listening devices and get around it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grow some? We can assure you that our undergrowth is fully grown, in fact we are rocking a full 70’s bush for this edition of Emsolation, it’s totally whipper snipper worthy and ready to deflect any clapbacks from sassy political siblings. Speaking of politics, we’re ushering in a bonanza of political palaver to kick start this episode, starting with the “how the hell is he back” return of Barnaby Joyce. Yep, the politician who helped usher in the bonk ban after sleeping with his media adviser and getting her pregnant and ultimately resigned from his ministerial and leadership roles with the National Party after that was revealed, along with accusations of sexual harassment, has somehow managed to have himself re-installed back in charge again after ANOTHER leadership spill. So situation normal for Australian Politics. Naturally Em and Michael have a lot to work through, from the car crash that was his swearing in ceremony, that saw Scomo dialing in via video conference while under home quarantine just 5 kilometres away at the Lodge. To Barnaby’s son attempting to gatecrash his official photoshoot with the PM and the Governor General, only to be stopped by Barnaby placing a not so discreet hand on his head to keep him out of shot. Michael also needs to see if the Unicorn of Death thinks any of this will affect Scomo come election time. While you process Em’s prediction, we’ll be tackling the news of the growing coronavirus cluster in Sydney. While Victoria seems to go into lockdown at the mention of the word Covid, Sydney seems to be a hell of a lot looser, with having a dance and going to the gym still being on the have at it list, go figure. Obviously all the chat about Sydney means we’ve gotta talk about Gladys Berejiklian AND Em’s newest obsession, her younger sister Mary. Thanks to Mary’s efforts on social media, we now know Gladys is dating the prominent barrister who represented her during an anti corruption inquiry into her disgraced former lover. Mary’s Instagram post of Gladys talking with Arthur Moses SC and it’s caption “After work Friday feels with these two…Glad and her boo” helped expose everything. Mary’s also not shy when it comes to clapping back at those who come after her sister online, in fact her post telling a Gladys hater to “grow some pubes” helped inspire the title of this episode. Finally, just to ensure we stay in the political realm, we’ll wrap things up with a chat about Justin and Hailey Bieber’s visit with French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte, and even squeeze in a Lovenundrum from an Emsolation listener. This Lovenundrum doesn’t just come with advice from Em and Michael, this time around we also call in Em’s eldest daughter Chella to offer her thoughts too, so expect varying results and recommendations, and strangely enough, lots of Dawson's Creek references and even a shoutout for Michael's partner Adrian. So get ready for some icky sticky politics stuff and lots of love action too, huzzah. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices