The Happier Approach: Quieting your High Functioning Anxiety

Frequently we will ask ourselves—why am I unhappy? But the key component is the question underneath the question.  What is making you unhappy?  Or better yet, what would you know if you were happy?  A friend, former guest, and storytelling expert, Hillary Rea, shared that it might come down to asking a more beautiful question—a question that helps you get to the heart of the question to uncover the answer. Often, Hillary uses the phrase—ask a more beautiful question—to prompt her to get to the heart of an issue.  Throughout my own experiences, I’ve found that the beautiful question is usually underneath the question that’s important and so today’s episode is a study into the question underneath the question concept. I’m talking with Kim Strobel who’s a happiness and empowerment coach and the founder of Strobel Education. As a leadership consultant and happiness coach, Kim helps businesses, organizations, and high-achievers prioritize their health and well-being so they can reach new levels in their business and their life. And as a result, businesses and organizations take massive actions and create positive change in every area. Listen to the full episode to hear: The conventional happiness formula and how it keeps us stuck Adding gratitude and affirmations into your life in a helpful way (you know I have some opinions about these 2 concepts so Kim and I break it down for you!)  How Kim’s panic disorder affected her life, how she overcame it, and what happened when it reared its ugly head again How the process of learning to live with her panic disorder helped bring her happiness Learn more about Kim: www.KimStrobel.com www.StrobelEducation.com The She Finds Joy Podcast She Finds Joy on Facebook Follow Kim on Instagram Follow Kim on Twitter Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

I didn’t always know I wanted to be a therapist. It took me a while to ADMIT it out loud that I wanted to be a therapist (I was 34 before I got my license). I honestly have a love-hate relationship with the world of therapy and psychology. It endlessly fascinates me—and yet the industry as a whole is notoriously dysfunctional and, at times, archaic.  At 25, I was getting ready to start my second year of my Masters in Counseling. I had registered for classes and was less than a week from starting when out of the blue, I decided to drop out. I still remember walking from my apartment to the registrar’s office to withdraw. It was a totally irrational decision and 100% based on my gut which was SCREAMING at me to withdraw. I didn’t know why… I just knew I couldn’t go back and continue my studies.  Seven years later, 4 different jobs, and after completing a different Masters’ Degree, I decided to complete my studies and earn my Masters in Community Counseling. This was also a gut decision—and a particularly amazing one because miraculously, I re-enrolled just under the deadline where I would have had to start my studies over.  What happened in those 7 years? A lot of my own work, my own soul searching, my own therapy, and a commitment to doing it differently. Committing to doing therapy differently was how I could ultimately make the choice to continue the work and it’s why I’m here today. It’s rare that I meet another therapist who has this same commitment which is why I was so excited to bring you my conversation with Riva Stoudt of Into the Woods Counseling. Listen to the full episode to hear: What inspired Riva to be a therapist The changes we would like to see in the therapy profession Positivity culture and how it can keep people from healing and making progress Tips on finding a good therapist Learn more about Riva: Into the Woods Counseling Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website --- Coach In Your Pocket  Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is.  WoVisit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

For those of us with anxiety, it’s pretty common to go into research mode and ask ourselves: why am I feeling this way? And if you already enjoy thinking, analyzing, and solving problems like me, well, then thinking and researching why you’re anxious is your go-to pattern.  When I was writing my book, The Happier Approach, I learned that my default pattern—researching and asking why—didn’t actually serve me. The solution to my anxiety had nothing to do with the why.  So what’s the solution to anxiety if it isn’t figuring out the why?  Honestly, I was a little disappointed by the answer. It’s about getting into your body.  Moving from exploring our thoughts and opening up to our bodies is very hard for many of us. We live in our heads. We forget we have bodies. But what happens when our bodies have a lot to tell us about our experiences—and we don’t listen?  In Episode 149, I talked with Nicole Lewis-Keeber about the t-word: trauma.  In this episode, I’m talking with yoga psychotherapist and founder of Whole Health Collaborative, Sarah Dionne all about getting out of our heads and into our bodies and how we store trauma in our bodies. Listen to the full episode to hear: Sarah’s unique blend of yoga and therapy and what it means to be a yoga psychotherapist The false belief that stopping the thoughts will stop the experience How ignoring our bodies and criticizing ourselves is an act of violence against ourselves The importance of compassion and how it is key to everything Learn more about Sarah Dionne: wholehealthcollab.com Connect with Sarah on Pinterest Follow Sarah on Instagram Follow Sarah on Facebook Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Your past matters—even though the personal growth industry is obsessed with the future you at the expense of the past you. In that world, the only real change and movement in your life come from looking forward, setting goals, and just doing it as I talked about in Episode 148. But I believe that it’s OK to have a past.  It’s OK to be perfectly imperfect. It’s OK to share stories from your past.  It’s OK to have trauma and pain in your past.  It’s OK to have a joyful past, too. The bottom line? You cannot ignore your past.  If you do, it will creep up on you in the personification of your Monger as your parents or in the way you talk to your kids or how you interact with your spouse. Your past plays a role in your current life—period.  It’s immensely powerful to face our stories—to look them dead in the face and slowly release their power through patience and compassion for ourselves. That’s how you live happier. Listen to the full episode to hear: The first step in the process of not letting your past control your life Practical ways to move through the stories from your past that are holding you back Why we often tell our stories like a news bulletin—drama and all—and how we need to focus more on how something made us feel How you can learn from your past and make peace with it Links: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Instagram: @nancyjane_livehappier -- Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and becVisit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Trauma. This word is loaded for so many of us. When we think of trauma, we think of what we call Big T Traumas: images of war, combat, natural disasters, physical or sexual abuse, terrorism, or catastrophic accidents usually come to mind.  There are also Little T Traumas. These are often personally traumatic because of the timing, the place, or our emotional state: interpersonal conflict, divorce, infidelity, legal trouble, financial worries, moving, and many more.  Although something could be considered a “Little T” Trauma, that doesn’t mean it’s less traumatic or less damaging. Instead, it allows us to see the word trauma in a different way and realize that it can take on many shapes and forms. Today on the show, I’m kicking off the month by chatting with Nicole Lewis-Keeber. Nicole is a business therapist and mindset coach who works with entrepreneurs to create and nurture healthy relationships with their businesses. She's a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Masters in Social Work and has a rich and varied experience as a therapist.  Listen to the full episode to hear: Nicole’s definition of big T trauma and little t trauma and how big T trauma explodes and little T trauma erodes How the personal development culture keeps us trapped by discouraging us from looking at our past Why the phrase “inner child” has gotten so much flack and why being willing to listen to your inner kiddo is so important How our inner kiddos come out in our present-day work and wreak havoc and what we can do about it Nicole’s tips for finding a quality coach or therapist Learn more about Nicole Lewis-Keeber: nicole.lewis-keeber.com Follow Nicole on Facebook Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website --- Coach In Your Pocket  Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is.  Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Go big or go home.  Dream big!  Do big things. That’s what all the self-help gurus and Pinterest tell us to do. But is it really the answer?  We can all think of a time where we thought that going big—moving somewhere new, going after that new career, or buying the awesome house or car—would be the solution to all of our problems.  Yet more often than not, we find that those big moves aren’t the answer to our inner happiness nor our problems. I’ve found in my own experience as well as working with clients that doing the inner work and facing our humanness is what we need to do first. That’s where the true big adventure lies. All this month, I’ve been talking about Being Human. I spoke with Tara McMullin in Episode 145 about being human in your business and with Sarah Kathleen Peck in Episode 146 about getting unstuck and out of your own way.  In today’s episode, I want to expand a bit on the unstuck theme and how our tendency as people with High Functioning Anxiety is to do two things: 1) give up on getting unstuck and keep swallowing the dream of being superhuman, and 2) continually look for that easy fix.   Listen to the full episode to hear: My experience with chasing after a big dream to move to Portland and what I learned by facing my Monger, setting healthy boundaries, and stop turning my back on myself and building my own self-loyalty How facing the hard stuff in your life can be full of adventure and learning What to do and what it means when you want to Blow It All Up Why going big means fully showing up as a human being Links: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Instagram: @nancyjane_livehappier -- The Happier Approach Book I’ve been working with women like you living with hidden anxiety every day for over 20 years as a coach and counselor. I wrote Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Have you been feeling a bit stuck lately, wondering what comes next?  Saying to yourself that there has to be more?  If so, you’re not alone. That’s because I’ve been asking myself these questions lately, too. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in this place for too long, it usually means I’m looking for the “right answer.” I’m trying to find the “perfect” next step.  I’m wrapped up in fear, doubt, and insecurity.  Those feelings are not uncommon when you’re stuck. But when it becomes a pattern—fear, doubt, and insecurity lead to staying stuck and staying stuck leads to those feelings—that’s when getting out of your own way gets tricky.  This month, I’m continuing this month’s theme of Being Human with Sarah Kathleen Peck. Sarah is the founder and CEO of Startup Parent and the host of The Startup Parent Podcast, where she helps working parents try to navigate everyday insanity.  Listen to the full episode to hear: There are two types of people: those who know what they want and they’re having a hard time going after it and those who are stuck and don’t know what they want Why we all know the answer to what comes next—we just need to get out of our own way What I really want to do and how I keep getting in my own way How our culture has brainwashed us into pushing, pushing, pushing when sometimes the best thing to do is pull back Learn more about Sarah: startuppregnant.com Follow Sarah and Startup Parent on Instagram  Follow Sarah and Startup Parent on Twitter How To Get What You Want course (use this link half off!) Learn more about Nancy: Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Does this sound like you?  Your to-do list is a mile long—yet, logically, there’s no way you could complete it; you drive yourself so hard, pushing, hustling, head down working toward a goal—and beat yourself up when you don’t reach it.  You might even sacrifice sleep and your own well-being in pursuit of this goal.  If so, then your Monger might be running the show and holding you to an impossible superhuman standard.  Your Monger convinces you that you have to do these things. There is no choice. You push yourself day in and day out in pursuit of a goal or fantasy version of what your life is “supposed to be”—because if you don’t attain the life your Monger is pushing you towards, then you just don’t have what it takes to be happy.  If you gave yourself permission to pause and reflect on how your Monger holds you to these impossible standards, you might ask yourself: who set the goal I’m hustling so hard for? And if it is actually my goal, is that goal still serving me or even something I want to be pursuing?  When we have spent our whole lives with the belief that we can be superhuman if we only hustle harder, how do we embrace a life of imperfection and acceptance? In this week’s episode, I’m talking about how to deal with our Monger who is constantly pushing us towards the impossible and ways to embrace our humanness.  And, if you missed last week’s episode, we kicked off this month’s conversation with Tara McMullin who shared her experiences with Being More Human in her business. Go check it out.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How our Monger and our BFF keeps us in such rigid thinking that we miss the possibilities that being human brings 3 ways being human is more helpful than the quest to be superhuman Why self-loyalty is the ultimate act of being human Links: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Live Happier Website Instagram: @nancyjane_livehappier -- The Happier Approach Book I’ve been working with women like you Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

Being human is messy and imperfect—and, we’re bound to make mistakes.  It’s part of the deal. We’re not going to get everything right, every time.  But we learn as we go.  That’s what being human is all about.  For some, being human—the messiness of it—is totally anxiety-provoking. It makes things feel harder to do and accomplish. But what if embracing your humanness could actually result in more ease and more success… with a whole lot less anxiety to boot? Is it possible? Not only is it possible, but it is also achievable through tiny, small changes we can make to our everyday lives. And all this month, I’m going to go deep into how to embrace our humanness and discuss what it means to be human.   Today, I’m kicking off the Being Human theme with one of my business mentors, Tara McMullin.  We talk about how for Tara bringing her humanness into her life has made some huge shifts with her business, relationships, and mental health. Tara is a podcaster, small business community leader, and speaker. She’s been helping small business owners find what works for them for over a decade. Tara’s goal is to push past the hype so she can better facilitate candid conversations about doing business in the New Economy. Listen to the full episode to hear: How Tara’s quest to be more human has enhanced and enriched her life How hearing about High Functioning Anxiety gave Tara some real ah-ha’s The relationship between depression and HFA  Tara’s morning ritual that helps her with her HFA Learn more about Tara McMullin: explorewhatworks.com The What Works Podcast Follow Tara on Instagram Follow Tara on Twitter Learn more about Nancy: Coach in Your Pocket The Happier Approach Book Visit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com

There is so much pressure to be the perfect parent.  My clients tell me all the time that they consistently feel they have to be “perfect” and be all the things to their children. That anxiety infiltrates everything they do—and that anxiety can also impact their children.  One thing we can do to decrease not only our own anxiety but our kids’ anxiety, too, is by being honest about what we have time for, what our expectations are, and own up when we fail. It’s important not only for our children but also for ourselves.  This week, I’m continuing my interview with parenting expert and coach, Renee Mattson about anxiety in children and how as parents we can help raise our kids with more resiliency and less anxiety. If you missed it, I highly recommend listening to part one where Renee shared helpful ways to not pass along your anxiety to your children and why clear boundaries, empathy, and compassion are so important.  Renee is the owner and founder of Child in Bloom, a coaching business for parents and teachers. She’s a mother of three, a licensed intervention specialist for children with specific learning and behavior needs, licensed educator for elementary and gifted children, parent coach, adjunct faculty member at Xavier University, and trainer and coach for educational professional development.  Listen to the full episode to hear: Why it’s so important to follow your gut as a parent Creative ways to support our kids without accommodating them How to solve the ultimate problem: wanting to spend as much time with your children but not having any time Why putting your children ahead of your marriage can lead to increased anxiety Learn more about Renee Mattson: Child In Bloom Child In Bloom on Facebook Learn more about Nancy: What Happened to American Childhood? Coach in Your Pocket The HaVisit: https://NancyJaneSmith.comLearn More About Self Loyalty School: https://selfloyaltyschool.com