CALLING HOME with Whitney Goodman, LMFT

Can estranged family relationships actually be repaired? Drawing from research on reconciliation, Whitney outlines the five core ingredients necessary for genuine repair - active empathetic listening, accountability, behavioral change, mutual willingness, and safety. Whitney distinguishes between genuine repair efforts and surface-level compliance, explains when relationships are likely unsalvageable, and provides practical guidance for assessing whether reconciliation is truly possible or if it's time to accept the relationship's limitations. Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 03:42 The Five Core Ingredients of Family Repair 13:09 When Relationships Are Unsalvageable 23:05 Genuine Repair vs Surface-Level Compliance 28:33 Assessing Capacity for Change https://callinghome.co/topics/family-estrangement/how-to-begin-reconciliation-with-an-estranged-family-member https://callinghome.co/topics/family-estrangement/should-we-be-estranged-checklist  https://callinghome.co/topics/accepting-your-parents/i-m-estranged-from-my-dying-parent-should-i-reconnect-and-help-them  [1] Kelley, D. L., Waldron, V. R., & Kloeber, D. N. (2019). A Communicative Approach to Conflict, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation. Routledge. https://www.routledge.com/A-Communicative-Approach-to-Conflict-Forgiveness-and-Reconciliation-Reimagining-Our-Relationships/Kelley-Waldron-Kloeber/p/book/9781138052666?srsltid=AfmBOoq4iGgtwMAvbAv4-FKP9EOORNLadpnlRmmGIY_rXYPEvirm7Ymr  [2] Tomm, K. (2002). Enabling Forgiveness and Reconciliation in Family Therapy. The International Journal of Narrative Therapy and Community Work. https://dulwichcentre.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/13-KarlT2.pdf  [3] Blood, P. (2012). The Repair and Restoration of Relationships. In Springer eBook (pp. 349-370). https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-94-007-2147-0_17  [4] vanOyen Witvliet, C., Root Luna, L. M., Worthington, E. L., & Tsang, J. (2020). Apology and Restitution: The Psychophysiology of Forgiveness After Accountable Relational Repair Responses. Frontiers in Psychology, 11. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0091647120915181#:~:text=Abstract,promoting%20their%20empathy%20and%20forgiveness.  [5] Fishbane, M. D. (2019). Healing Intergenerational Wounds: An Integrative Relational–Neurobiological Approach. Family Process, 59(3), 1043-1063. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31518458/  [6] De Mol, J., Lemmens, G., Verhofstadt, L., & Kuczynski, L. (2013). Intergenerational transmission in a bidirectional context. Psychologica Belgica, 53(3), 7–23. https://doi.org/10.5334/pb-53-3-7  [8] Byng-Hall, J. (2008). The significance of children fulfilling parental roles: implications for family therapy. Journal of Family Therapy, 30(2), 147-162. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6427.2008.00423.x[9] Paleari, F. G., Tagliabue, S., & Lanz, M. (2011). Empathic Perspective Taking in Family Relationships: A Social Relations Analysis. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236587449_Empathic_Perspective_Taking_in_Family_Relationships_A_Social_Relations_Analysis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this enlightening discussion, Whitney confronts the polarizing feedback from her estranged parents episode. She draws parallels between familial obligations and reality TV, exposing the inner turmoil of family sacrifice and entitlement. Whitney reveals how dysfunctional roles like the scapegoat and golden child are fluid, changing with family dynamics over time. Her insights encourage listeners to reflect on their own family relationships and the complexities inherent in them.

Whitney speaks directly to estranged parents from her experience working with hundreds of adult children who have cut contact with their families. She addresses common arguments from parents like "I have no idea why this happened," "I did the best I could," and "my children are remembering it wrong." She explains why these arguments often do more harm than good and offers alternative reframing that could open the door to genuine repair. This episode is for any estranged parents who genuinely desire to understand their adult children's perspectives and find a path toward authentic repair. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute  for professional mental health advice. 07:45 Argument #1: "I Have No Idea Why This Happened" 15:51 Argument #2: "How Will They Know I've Changed?" 22:08 Argument #3: "I Did the Best I Could" 27:24 Argument #4: "Family Should Always Stick Together" 31:21 Argument #5: "They're Remembering It Wrong" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Q&A episode, Whitney addresses a caller whose siblings want them to attend their parents' 50th anniversary trip not out of love, but to serve as a buffer against their abusive parents' dysfunction - and how to handle the pressure when "no" isn't being accepted as an answer. She also discusses sibling dynamics from the Apple TV show "Smoke" and shares her experience with red light meditation for stress reduction. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this solo episode, Whitney responds to the question: can emotionally mature parents still raise emotionally immature adult children? She breaks down the research on emotional transmission from parent to child, examining the roles of modeling, contingency responses, and coaching. Whitney discusses how temperament, bidirectional influence, and developmental timing can complicate outcomes, while providing evidence-based strategies for fostering emotional maturity in yourself and your own (or prospective) children. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.coWhitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles.Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this insightful discussion, Whitney tackles the complexities of emotionally immature parents. She reveals how grand gestures often mask emotional neglect, using 'Friday Night Lights' to illustrate this dynamic. A caller shares struggles with a toxic mom who employs silent treatment, prompting a dive into the all-or-nothing mentality. Whitney emphasizes the importance of genuine emotional support over superficial acts and offers strategies for navigating these challenging parent-child relationships, advocating for self-reflection and healthy boundaries.

In this solo episode, Whitney explores why siblings from the same dysfunctional family often have completely different experiences and reactions to their emotionally immature parents. She breaks down the common dysfunctional family roles - golden child, scapegoat, lost child, parentified child, and enabler - and explains how these roles create lasting divisions between siblings in adulthood. Whitney then gives guidance on how siblings can come to terms with these different reactions to their different experiences. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. 00:00 Why Siblings Experience the Same Parent Differently 03:19 The Five Dysfunctional Family Roles 07:29 How Childhood Roles Divide Adult Siblings 13:21 Accepting Different Healing Paths Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Q&A episode, Whitney discusses why AI can't replace real therapy and the privacy concerns with using ChatGPT for mental health support. Whitney also addresses a caller dealing with sibling estrangement - feeling alone and resentful when their brother cut off their emotionally immature mother while they chose to stay and work on the relationship. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dive into the complexities of having emotionally immature parents and how it shapes adult children's lives. Discover an insightful 18-question assessment to help identify these traits, like lack of empathy and emotional avoidance. Learn about common survival patterns and the importance of establishing healthy boundaries. Whitney also explores the healing journey and emphasizes that personal growth can occur regardless of parental change, offering support through the Family Cycle Breakers Club.

In this Q&A episode, Whitney addresses a caller's concerns about co-parenting with her ex-husband while he is living with his mother with whom he has an enmeshed relationship with and who has actively tried to sabotage their marriage in the past. Have a question for Whitney? Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to whitney@callinghome.co Whitney Goodman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and the founder of Calling Home, a membership community that helps people navigate complex family dynamics and break harmful cycles. Join the Family Cyclebreakers Club⁠⁠ Follow Whitney on Instagram | sitwithwhit Follow Whitney on YouTube | @whitneygoodmanlmft ⁠⁠Order Whitney’s book, Toxic Positivity⁠⁠ This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices