Today’s guest, New York Times bestselling author Rachel May Stafford, confided to her friend that the fruits of her successful career were starting to sour. She had become stressed, depleted, and was feeling used—all of it contaminating her joy and sense of purpose. Her friend Shannon replied with a wise reminder, the way only our truest friends can:“Rachel, you’re a mapmaker, not a baggage carrier, not a tour operator, and not a travel agent. You are there to guide and accompany people through their own journey; you are not responsible for carrying stuff that does not belong to you.”The relief in releasing roles that were no longer serving her is one of many powerful Soul Shifts that Rachel and I discuss in today’s conversation. Listen in for strategies to drop self-judgement and the masks we wear for others, stepping more fully into authentic joy.More About Rachel: Rachel Macy Stafford is the New York Times bestselling author of Hands Free Mama, Hands Free Life, Only Love Today, and Live Love Now. Her new book, Soul Shift: The Weary Human’s Guide to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Path to Joy. Rachel is a sought-after speaker and creator of her perennially popular course, Soul Shift Lift.🌟 3 Key Takeaways Try shifting “I can’t do this” to “I can’t do this today.” Accept where you are: It’s okay to say, “I’m not where I want to be.” Role Reflection: How do you want to show up in the world? Write your “I am not a ______” list. A few examples from Rachel: “I’m a connector, not an influencer,” and “I am an encourager, not an advice giver or problem fixer.” ✅ Try This Next: For a thought that’s causing you stress, especially one where you’re being hard on yourself, try Dr. Lisa Firestone’s exercise, starting with dividing a piece of paper in half. Write negative thoughts down the left side. On the right side, translate the same statement into the second person. On a second piece of paper beside the first, write a realistic and impartial view of yourself, your qualities, and your situation, using your name. “We have a choice each day. We can work against ourselves or for ourselves; we can push through life or ease through life.”🔗 Resources Mentioned Rachel on the web Social: @handsfreerevolution (IG), Twitter, Facebook Person: Dr. Lisa Firestone 📚 Books Mentioned Soul Shift: The Weary Human's Guide to Getting Unstuck and Reclaiming Your Path to Joy Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice by Dr. Robert Firestone Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes The Tim Ferriss Show: 430: Elizabeth Gilbert’s Amazing Creative Toolkit: Saying No, Trusting Intuition, Seeking Awe, Bathing in Grief, and Index Cards (Full transcript here) Good Life Project: Ann Patchett on Solitude, Writing, and Indie Bookstores Free Time: 178: 📕Book Club — 3 Big Ideas from SAVING TIME by Jenny Odell Pivot: 329: Five Types of People-Pleasers from The Joy of Saying No with Natalie Lue 327: 🐺The Wolf You Feed — On Addiction, Recovery & Codependency — and What We Get Wrong About All Three with Eric Zimmer 320: Sustainable Ambition with Kathy Oneto ❤️ Enjoying the show? I'd be grateful for a rating and/or review! Even better? Share this episode with a friend :)💌 Get my curated weekly(ish) PivotList newsletter💬 I’d love to hear what’s on your mind! Take the Pivot listener survey☎️ Submit a question or comment for future episodes🎧 Make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen to ‘casts📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/333 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’re building on 319: Who’s Sitting in the Board Room of Your Brain? With Adrian Klaphaak . . . and 328: Accessing Your True Self Through IFS, full Pivot x Career Pathfinder podcast episodes (Spotify playlist).If you are looking for a little support and guidance on finding your purpose, or best next step, check out Adrian’s Career Pathfinder Program and apply promo code PIVOT for a special offer on his group training. If you’d like to work with him one-on-one, he just opened up a few new spots—book a free consultation here.More about Adrian: Adrian Klaphaak is a coach, purpose guide, entrepreneur, and founder of A Path That Fits Career and Life Coaching. His coaching approach is holistic—a constant balance between getting results and a quest for meaning and fulfillment. He describes himself as “a deep seeker with a constant itch to make things happen.”✅ Try This Next: Be curious. Imagine your “not good enough” exiled part, and start a dialogue. At what age did it form? Ask: What do you want me to know about you? You can even journal around this, as if you’re writing a play. Ex: “Write from your core self to this part: I see you ____, and I can tell you’re feeling bad about yourself. Can I come hang out for a little bit?” Bonus challenge:🔗 Resources Mentioned Adrian on the web, Yelp, Facebook, LinkedIn Course: Career Pathfinder, promo code PIVOT Video: Finding Your Calling TV Show: Couples Therapy (New Yorker profile on Orna Guralnik, The Therapist Remaking Our Love Lives on TV) 📚 Books Mentioned Introduction to Internal Family Systems and No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Pivot: 319: Who’s Sitting in the Board Room of Your Brain? With Adrian Klaphaak 328: Accessing Your True Self Through IFS Pivot x Career Pathfinder podcast episodes with Adrian (Spotify playlist) Free Time: 031: Eleventh Hour Creative Gremlins ❤️ Enjoying the show? I'd be grateful for a rating and/or review!🗣️ Even better? Share this episode with a friend :)💌 Get my curated weekly(ish) PivotList newsletter💬 I’d love to hear what’s on your mind! Take the Pivot listener survey☎️ Submit a question or comment for future episodes🎧 Make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen to ‘casts📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/332 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Research shows that negative interactions take a significant toll on all of us, carrying as much as five times the impact of positive ones. And yet, most people don’t realize how much microstress they’re under. As today’s guest helps reveal, we’re not just affected by the big, obvious stressors, but by the little moments throughout each day rippling beneath the surface. Karen Dillon and her co-author Rob Cross call this an “unrecognized epidemic,” one that’s invisible and relentless—in this conversation you’ll learn strategies for reducing even just a few microstresses in your life that can have a profound impact.More About Karen: Karen Dillon is an author and former editor at Harvard Business Review magazine and the coauthor of three books with Clayton Christensen, including the New York Times bestseller How Will You Measure Your Life? Today we’re talking about her new book, co-authored with Babson College professor Rob Cross, The Microstress Effect: How Little Things Pile Up and Create Big Problems—and What to Do About It.🌟 3 Key Takeaways Microstress comes at us quickly and in small moments: it doesn't set off the typical fight-or flight vigilance systems that help us survive other, more noticeable forms of stress. Our bodies experience the cumulative impact of the microstress, but the cause of that stress remains invisible to us. Secondhand stress: Our brains are highly sensitive to the emotions we pick up from others in our orbit. We become stressed or anxious because other people are. When our mind is consumed with this form of microstress, we worry, we ruminate, and we absorb the microstress and, in turn, pass it on. Ten percenters are the one-out-of-ten interviewees (of 300 high-performers studied) who successfully navigate their microstress while maintaining full and satisfying personal and professional lives, especially having moments of connection with others and maintaining vibrant, joyful movement routines. ✅ Try This Next: With dozens of microstresses coming at you daily, how do you know where to begin? Do what the ten percenters do: think small. Take a page out of The Good Life by Robert Waldinger: Reconnect with people you’ve fallen out of touch with by suggesting an 8-minute phone call (not Zoom!) — even setting a timer to ensure it doesn’t go over.🔗 Resources Mentioned Karen on the web, Twitter, LinkedIn Article: Quartz—There's a kind of stress our brains don't notice—and it's burning us out Video: TED—Do You Have a Strategy for Your Life? 📚 Books Mentioned The Microstress Effect by Karen Dillon and Rob Cross Karen’s books co-authored with Clayton Christensen: How Will You Measure Your Life?, Competing Against Luck, and The Prosperity Paradox The Good Life by Robert Waldinger Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Pivot: 316: “Don’t Suffer Twice” and 312: Are You Future-Tripping? Free Time: 184:🚂Train Tracks vs. Tightrope🩰 ❤️ Enjoying the show? I'd be grateful for a rating and/or review! Even better? Share this episode with a friend :)💌 Get my curated weekly(ish) PivotList newsletter💻 Check out Jenny’s Pivot course on LinkedIn Learning: Figuring Out Your Next Move💬 I’d love to hear what’s on your mind! Take the Pivot listener survey☎️ Submit a question or comment for future episodes🎧 Make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen to ‘casts📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/331 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Raise your hand if you love Reality TV! Now admit to that in public. Now choose that as your academic discipline—to study and teach sociology through the voyeuristically fabulous (and often fabulously fringe) lens of reality TV—and you’ve got today’s wonderful guest, associate professor Danielle Lindemann.If you, too, let these shows wash over you at the end of a hard day, binge-watching dating shows with increasingly quirky premises or even hate-watching famous families bicker and then make-up, you’re not alone.“We want to peek into the lives of these interesting people,” Danielle writes. “But it’s their similarity to us that keeps us riveted. We’re voyeurs, but part of what tantalizes us about these freak shows is that the freaks are ourselves.”More About Danielle: Danielle Lindemann is an Associate Professor of Sociology at Lehigh University who studies gender, sexuality, the family, and culture – particularly as they relate to occupations. Her third book, True Story: What Reality TV Says about Us, is the topic of today’s conversation. She’s also the author of Dominatrix: Gender, Eroticism, and Control in the Dungeon, and Commuter Spouses: New Families in a Changing World. Her work has also been published in scholarly journals such as Social Science & Medicine and featured in media outlets such as The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, The Economist, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, CNN, Jezebel, USA Today, and Rolling Stone.🌟 3 Reasons We Love Reality TV (Excerpted from True Story) Reality TV is couch-potato fodder, and we shouldn’t apologize for it! “Part of its allure, for many of us, is that we can switch off our brains and let the content rush over us in a relaxing and anesthetic wave.” Voyeurism and vicarious decision-making: “Yet, paradoxically, in some ways, we can more actively consume these shows than we can scripted TV. Their characters, often, are heightened versions of ourselves placed in more intriguing scenarios than we will typically encounter. You’re not just imagining yourself in the shoes of the ‘smart one,’ you’re imagining yourself in the shoes of the smart one sailing over Tuscany in a hot-air balloon as two men vie for your hand in marriage. The experience of watching these shows, like looking in any mirror, is interactive. We see ourselves, and then we groom ourselves accordingly.” Hyper-versions of ourselves seen through a fun-house mirror: “In following the contours of our own caricatures, we come to a greater understanding of the forces that society exerts on us—how we organize our lives around beliefs that stem from and reinforce entrenched social hierarchies. From debutantes to doomsday preppers, and from homemakers to hoarders, these programs cast a searchlight on the center as well as the nooks and crannies of society.” 🔗 Resources Mentioned Danielle on the web, Twitter Articles: NYT—Reality Stars Are Just Like Us, Inside the Pods With ‘Love Is Blind,’ the Reality TV Juggernaut, Modern Love: Marooned on Love Island; New Yorker—How “Love Is Blind” Transcends the Norms of Reality Television, Literary Hub—Reality TV Is Getting Boring Again– And Maybe That’s a Good Thing Shows: RuPaul’s Drag Race, Below Deck, Love Island, Love is Blind, Harry & Meghan, Vanderpump Rules, ROHNY, The Kardashians, IMPACT x Nightline S1 E29: Anatomy of a Scandoval: Our Obsession with Gossip and Scandal (Hulu), Farmer Wants a Wife 📚 Books Mentioned True Story: What Reality TV Says About Us by Danielle Lindemann Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion by Jia Tolentino Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Podcasts: We Have the Receipts, Decoding Reality, The Ringer Reality TV Podcast, It Was All a Stream Pivot: 142: Creative Economy Lessons from “The Great Race to Rule Streaming TV” and 209: On Seinfeld, Sensitivity, and Trend Spotting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As “recovering people pleaser” Natalie Lue opens her book, The Joy of Saying No, “Suppressing and repressing my needs, desires, expectations, feelings, and opinions to try to influence and control other people’s feelings and behavior was as natural to me as breathing. I thought it was normal to tell people what they want to hear (read: lie) to make them feel better. I believed I was ticking the boxes of being a Good Person by being kind, generous, hardworking, conscientious, loving, eager to help, attractive, and intelligent, and doing what others needed and wanted.”If you, too, are ticking “Good Person” boxes while making yourself miserable, this episode is for you. Natalie and I discuss the five types of people pleasers, what we continue to struggle with today despite decades of awareness-building, and how to build the skill of saying no.More About Natalie: Natalie Lue used to have very low self-esteem, a litany of problems including bad boundaries, toxic relationships with emotionally unavailable and shady folk, and a crippling immune system disease, but this all changed in the summer of 2005. Now, she is a recovering people pleaser. She’s the author of The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want and for 8 years hosted The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. Natalie helps people learn how to reclaim themselves from their emotional baggage and increase emotional availability through self-care, making a profound difference in their lives via her substack On Knowing Yourself.🌟 3 Key Takeaways When “resentment enters the room” that’s a sure sign that you’re caught in people-pleasing. Natalie says, “People pleasing is code for I am (or was) anxious about something. It’s an anxiety-management habit that ironically keeps you locked in a cycle of anxiety because it’s hyper-vigilance.” Natalie’s five types of people-pleasing: Gooding, Efforting, Avoiding, Saving, and Suffering. Saying no, and finding the joy in it, is a skill: You can’t change what you don’t know, and until you know your no, you can’t know your yes. Remember, “Boundaries are not miracle workers.” You may still need to call it at some point with a toxic relationship and let go. love care trust and respect make d ✅ Try This Next: Check in with yourself when you feel pressure to be or do something in a certain way—is this a preference or is this programming?🔗 Resources Mentioned Natalie on the web, Instagram: @natlue, Twitter, Facebook, Substack: On Knowing Yourself Take the Quiz: Are You a People-Pleaser? Video: Natalie’s TV Show appearance on How To Stop People Pleasing & Start Saying No With Author Natalie Lue! | Lorraine 📚 Books Mentioned The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want Natalie’s earlier books: Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The No Contact Rule, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, and Love, Care, Trust and Respect: Reclaim your relationships from the jaws of pain, fear and guilt Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Podcast: The Baggage Reclaim Sessions with Natalie Lue Nat on Good Life Project: How to Stop Pleasing Everyone but Yourself | Natalie Lue Pivot: 338: Is Midlife Messing with Your Enough-ness? + Busting Other “Not Enough” Scams with Mandy Lehto 282: The Honor Roll Hangover with Melody Wilding 56: Perfection Detox with Petra Kolber 112: Whose Voice is in Your Head? Perfection Detox Round Two with Petra Kolber Free Time: 54: The Hard No ❌ and 152: Do Less — On Entropic Bloat & Business Haircuts ✂️ 📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/329 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“There are no bad parts.” That’s a core idea behind Internal Family Systems, a form of psychotherapy that helps guide hidden parts of ourselves to the fore so they can be acknowledged and integrated. Today, recurring co-host Adrian Klaphaak and I are building on episode 319: Who’s Sitting in the Board Room of Your Brain? by talking about how IFS can clear blocks when navigating change, and modeling the process with JB in the hotseat.Are you looking for a little support and guidance on finding your purpose, or best next step? Check out Adrian’s Career Pathfinder Program and apply promo code PIVOT for a special offer on his group training. If you’d like to work with him 1:1, he just opened up a few new spots—book a free consultation here.More about Adrian: Adrian Klaphaak is a coach, purpose guide, entrepreneur, and founder of A Path That Fits Career and Life Coaching. His coaching approach is holistic—a constant balance between getting results and a quest for meaning and fulfillment. He describes himself as “a deep seeker with a constant itch to make things happen.”🌟 3 Key Takeaways IFS is a form of psychotherapy that says we’re all made up of multiple parts that serve to protect us and a core self—who we are beneath those protective mechanisms. Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters: Our exiles are the parts of us that experience anxiety, fear, and trauma (often when we’re very young); managers dictate how we interact with the world to protect us from those fears; firefighters seek to protect us by pushing us toward distraction to numb our pain. Unburdening: A process for helping an active, stuck exile rejoin the core, true self by reminding it that you have new tools now, compared to when you were a child. ✅ Try This Next: There is genius in our parts, and we can apply their gifts in our adult life. Try to identify how at least one of your manager parts and one firefighter might be stepping in to avoid feeling the pain of an exile (most likely formed in early childhood as an adaptive measure).🔗 Resources Mentioned Adrian on the web, Yelp, Facebook, LinkedIn Course: Career Pathfinder, promo code PIVOT Video: Finding Your Calling Articles: Academy of Ideas—Carl Jung and the Shadow: The Hidden Power of Our Dark Side 📚 Books Mentioned Introduction to Internal Family Systems and No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Pulling the Thread: Recovering Every Part of Ourselves (Richard Schwartz, PhD) Pivot: 319: Who’s Sitting in the Board Room of Your Brain? With Adrian Klaphaak, previous Pivot x Career Pathfinder podcast episodes with Adrian (Spotify playlist) Free Time: 031: Eleventh-Hour Creative Gremlins and 064: The Vulnerability of Launching ❤️ Enjoying the show? I'd be grateful for a rating and/or review! Even better? Share this episode with a friend :)💌 Get my curated weekly(ish) PivotList newsletter💬 I’d love to hear what’s on your mind! Take the Pivot listener survey☎️ Submit a question or comment for future episodes🎧 Make sure you’re subscribed wherever you listen to ‘casts📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/328 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At 24 years old, Eric Zimmer was homeless, addicted to heroin, and facing jail time. In the decades since, he has found a way to recover from addiction and build a life worth living for himself, while coaching others through his programs and award-winning podcast The One You Feed, based on an old parable about two wolves at battle within us (a story I also share in Pivot).We had the great pleasure of recording in person—while meeting for the first time! This was extra special because of how much Eric generously shares about his pivots through addiction and recovery, the deeper needs beneath destructive coping habits, how challenging addiction can be on friends and family, and what the literature often gets wrong about codependency.More About Eric: For the past 20 years, Eric Zimmer has worked as a behavior coach. He’s also a Certified Interfaith Spiritual Director, podcaster, and writer, who is endlessly inspired by the quest for a greater understanding of how our minds work and how to intellectually create the lives we want to live. Since 2014, he has been hosting the award-winning podcast, The One You Feed, based on an old parable about two wolves at battle within us. His story and his work have been featured in the media including TEDx, Mind Body Green, Elephant Journal, the BBC, and Brain Pickings.🌟 3 Key Takeaways Gabor Maté says addiction is often “a person’s attempted solution to a deeper problem” of connection and love. Giving up behaviors that comfort us, numb us, or artificially connect us is possible if we seek true assurance, acceptance, and real connection—those are the ingredients that lead to human thriving—but only in their true forms. Anxiety and trying to “fix” things takes a lot of energy. If you have a loved one who is stuck in a cycle of addiction, start by shifting your focus from worrying to discovering what you can control, and what actions will allow you to refuel, so you can take care of yourself and others. ✅ Try This Next: Sometimes, in the moment, there isn’t anything to do about it other than be upset, and that’s okay. When you’re in a dark space, recognize it and feel what you’re feeling, while keeping your mind open to change.🔗 Resources Mentioned Eric on the web, IG: @one_you_feed, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook Eric’s podcast: The One You Feed Articles: Behavior Change Components, Life’s “Dark Hallways”: Where Transformation Happens, Emotional First Aid: Uncertainty, Fear, and Anxiety, Fogg Behavior Model: What Causes Behavior Change? Video: TEDxColumbus: The Battle of Changing Your Behavior 📚 Books Mentioned The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, When the Body Says No, and The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad) by Tracy Dennis-Tiwary Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change: A Guide for Families 🎧 Related Episodes The One You Feed: How to Create a Spiritual Principal Centered Life with Eric Zimmer Free Time: 077: Happy Launch Day! Antonio Neves Guest Hosts (Part 1) and 079 (Part 2) Pivot: 124: Penney & Jenny Show — Embracing Liminal Space (the In-Between) 317: “We are the Refresh Generation” — Shifting Out of Reality Escape Artist Mode with Paul Angone 92: Adulting to Win: Powerful Questions and Pivotal Plot Points with Paul Angone 305: Is What You Are Wanting Actually What’s Best For You? With Luke Burgis 316: “Don’t Suffer Twice” 312: Are you Future-Tripping? 📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/327 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”—Anthony Weldon in The Court and Character in King James (1651)Are you an accidental fraudster? An unknowing victim? A righteous whistleblower? The possibilities are closer than you think. Today’s guest, forensic accounting professor Dr. Kelly Richmond Pope, is here to remind us that fraud can happen to—and be committed by—any of us.Among companies with over $10 billion in global annual revenues, 52% experienced fraud during the past 24 months. Since the pandemic hit, global online fraud has increased by 46%. Even worse, “We regularly miss the red flags that are swatting us in the face.”Listen in to this conversation to learn why business is a victim hallmark, what makes us susceptible to fraudsters or to committing accidental fraud, and how to get better at spotting red flags.More About Kelly: Dr. Kelly Richmond Pope is a nationally recognized expert in risk, forensic accounting, and white-collar crime research, and an award-winning educator, researcher, author, and award-winning documentary filmmaker. She is the Dr. Barry Jay Epstein Endowed Professor of Forensic Accounting at DePaul University in Chicago, IL. Her TED Talk entitled "How Whistle-blowers Shape History” has been viewed over 1.6 million times, translated into 20 languages, and serves as a resource to help organizations and individuals embrace internal whistleblowing. She is the author of Fool Me Once: Scams, Stories, and Secrets from the Trillion-Dollar Fraud Industry.🌟 3 Key Takeaways There are three key players in the fraud universe, each with several sub-types: perps (intentional, accidental, righteous), prey (innocent bystanders and organizational targets), and whistleblowers (accidental, noble, vigilante, crossover). “Busyness is a victim hallmark,” especially among clients who are laser-focused on their businesses and not remotely interested in accounting. You might cut corners, miss details, review bills as thoroughly. The Fraud Triangle: Opportunity, pressure, rationalization (created by criminologist Donald Cressey in the 1950s). ✅ Try This Next: Sign up for an accounting class so you know how to read a financial statement, and can spot red flags more easily. Ignorance is not bliss!📚 Books Mentioned Fool Me Once: Scams, Stories, and Secrets from the Trillion-Dollar Fraud Industry Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One 🔗 Resources Mentioned Kelly on the web, IG: @kellyrpope, Twitter, LinkedIn Fool Me Once Fraud Experience (Quiz) Documentary: All the Queen's Horses (2018, Amazon Prime) TEDx Talk: How Whistle-blowers Shape History Articles: NYT—The Harvard Job Offer No One at Harvard Ever Heard Of 🎧 Related Episodes 84: Former CIA Agent Michele Assad Returns: On Transforming Insecurities Into Intuition and Faith 71: Finding Faith, Courage and Confidence as a Secret Agent—Michele Rigby Assad's Pivot from CIA to Author 148: Penney & Jenny Show—Pivoting From Toxic Situations Toward Self-Entertainment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Attending conferences can be overwhelming — even for the most excited extroverts among us—let alone the introverts who challenge their comfort zone in the registration process alone.Today, my friend Alisa and I do an in-person debrief of our recent week-long adventure at the TED global conference in Vancouver (my second time attending, her fifth). We cover conversation openers, the power of a genuine compliment, trying (and sometimes failing) to approach people we admire as a peer, handling the inevitable FOMO and big feelings that arise, when to call it quits (what I call “falling off the cliff”), and so much more.Be sure to also keep an eye out on the Free Time podcast (even better, subscribe!) for Friday’s episode #196, where I share a mini daily audio diary that I kept on each day of the conference, with some additional reflections at the end.More About Alisa: Alisa Cohn has been coaching startup founders to grow into world-class CEOs for nearly 20 years. She is the author of From Start-Up to Grown-Up, and hosts a podcast of the same name. A onetime startup CFO, strategy consultant, and current angel investor and advisor, she has worked with startup companies such as Venmo, Etsy, and more.🌟 10 Key Takeaways Have a repertoire of different openers to approach people with. Wear a “talk piece” clothing item that invites people to comment on. Approach as a peer vs. fangirling (which might occur anyway!) Sit in a central public place to catch conference passers-by. Message people right after you meet them about something you spoke about. Text a “wish you were here!” selfie to mutual friends as a way to keep in loose touch. Prepare for the emotional ups and downs you’re going to feel when you’re in large groups. Embrace JOMO when you need a break, knowing when you’re at your best. Don’t be afraid to call it early in the evening if/when you’re feeling New Friend Fatigue. Follow up with connections after you return home by scheduling a dinner reunion. ✅ Try This Next: Alisa: Go and meet one new person—strike up a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally speak to and see what happens. Jenny: Put yourself in the path of people. Is there an event, a book reading, even a bench in the park where you can encounter people you normally wouldn’t?🔗 Resources Mentioned Alisa on the web, Twitter: @AlisaCohn, LinkedIn: @AlisaCohn Articles: Andrew Wilkinson on Medium (founder of Tiny capital) Video: Lizzo thanking Beyoncé at the Grammy’s 📚 Books Mentioned From Start-Up to Grown-Up by Alisa Cohn The Long Game by Dorie Clark The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin Presence by Amy Cuddy The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Other Shows: The Tim Ferriss Show — Alisa Cohn on Prenups for Startup Founders, How to Reinvent Your Career, the Importance of “Pre-Mortems,” and the Three Selves (#539) Pivot: 298: Networking in a New Niche and Becoming Broadway Investors with Dorie Clark and Alisa Cohn, 285: Cultivating Influence with Jon Levy, 293: 🍝 Are you a Spaghetti-Twirler or a Spaghetti-Thrower? Free Time:192: 📲 5 Creative Ways to Better Organize Your Phone Contacts, 196: What do Donuts, Coffee, Conversation, and Energy Cliffs Have in Common? (Coming soon!), 043: From Start-Up to Grown-Up (and Coach to Author) with Alisa Cohn, 035: The Long Game with Dorie Clark Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As today’s guest—imposter complex expert Tanya Geisler—notes, the global self-development industry is worth $41 billion as of 2021. She says, “That is a lot of money invested in making people feel terrible about themselves…and like they need to be fixed. (Think diet industry but for confidence.)”In this episode, we’re talking about the six ways imposter complex manifests, the ways that trying to eliminate it can paradoxically exacerbate feelings of unworthiness, and even more importantly: the six illuminating values behind imposter-y habits that can help you step into your fullest expression.More About Tanya: Tanya Geisler is a celebrated women's leadership expert, mentor coach, keynote and TEDx Women speaker, writer, and Ready Enough podcast host. After a successful career in advertising, she entered the world of coaching two decades ago and has worked with thousands of changemakers, innovators, and leaders to dislodge that not-good-enough feeling, perfectionism, procrastination, diminishment, people-pleasing, comparison, and leaky boundaries.🌟 3 Key Takeaways Six ways imposter complex manifests: perfectionism, procrastination, diminishment, people-pleasing, comparison, and leaky boundaries. The more we spend time in the six habits of impostor syndrome, the more like imposters we feel. When we identify and resolve one imposter-related habit, stay curious, as another related manifestation will often rear up in its place. Imposter complex arrives on the precipice of expansion: If you’re feeling it, you may be about to experience something new and meaningful. Think of it as a canary in the coal mine for your personal growth. ✅ Try This Next: Get curious about what is underneath your imposter complex: What beautiful value is it revealing? For guidance with this, take the quiz to discover your Iconic Identity.🔗 Resources Mentioned Tanya on the web, IG: @tanyageisler, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, Pinterest Free course: Five ICONIC Shifts Leaders Use to Overcome Imposter Complex Quiz: What’s your ICONIC identity? Video: Tanya at TEDxIsfieldWomen—Owning Our Authority, The Art of Being Yourself - Caroline McHugh Coach Training: Co-Active Training Institute 📰 Articles Mentioned Tanya: The 12 Lies of the Imposter Complex, What’s the Difference Between Imposter Syndrome and Imposter Complex, The Sin of (Out)Shining, Yes, I Saw the Article in the New Yorker on the Imposter Syndrome re: the February 2023 New Yorker article by Leslie Jamison, Not Fooling Anyone: The dubious rise of imposter syndrome (online title is Why Everyone Feels Like They’re Faking It) Siri Liv Myhrom (referencing Caroline McHugh) To Be Yourself Completely: The Collective Grief of Losing Prince Tim Ferriss on 11 Reasons Not to Become Famous Concept: Tall Poppy Syndrome 📚 Books Mentioned The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks Free Time: Lose the Busywork, Love Your Business Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One Life After College 🎧 Related Episodes Tanya’s podcast: Ready Enough Free Time: 039: Permission to Glow with Kristoffer (KC) Carter Pivot: 251: Listener Q&A on (Furry) Imposter Monsters 112: Whose Voice is in Your Head? Perfection Detox Round Two with Petra Kolber 73: What's more important to you than perfection? With Jenny Blake 56: Perfection Detox with Petra Kolber 188: The Pondering Method (for Rebels) with Michael Karsouny 282: The Honor Roll Hangover with Melody Wilding 📝 Check out full show notes at http://pivotmethod.com/324 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices