The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

This week's episode is centered around relationships - surprise! Okay, while it's not really a surprise that we are talking about relationships on a podcast about divorce, we do talk about a phrase that is a hot button topic and one I haven't explored in the show much yet: toxic masculinity. I searched far and wide for the perfect person to have a conversation about this topic and I found him. I am pleased to introduce you to Matthew Solomon, a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication and the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era." By the way, everyone needs to get this book. It's amazing. In this episode Matthew and I share our views on the definition of toxic masculinity. And then we dive deep into the waters of relationships, intimacy, connection, and communication and how to make it all work, by doing the work. And I know, it's painful to live without connection. If this episode does one thing, I hope it helps you realize that connection in a relationship is possible. Show Highlights Matthew's definition of toxic masculinity and my perspective on the term (plus why I think it needs a "rebrand") (7:22) The importance of adjusting the way you communicate so others can receive it (11:14) Women are not men, we have different experiences and when we acknowledge those differences we can better communicate (19:20) Sex and relationships: we're not taught about sex and intimacy; it's an important part of relationships, yet we don't know how to be intimate or settle in with each other (25:32) Why consent is HOT (33:37) Chivalry is honoring womanhood (38:14) The four steps of listening and listening beyond the words (49:25) The future of marriage, relationships, and communication as described by Matthew (53:12) Learn More About Matthew: Matthew Solomon is "The Coach for the Modern Soul," a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication. He is the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era," which was an Amazon #1 new release in 6 categories, writes the weekly column, "Too Sensitive," for The Good Men Project, is an award-winning filmmaker and father of 3. In addition to his private coaching practice, Matthew is regularly invited to speak on panels on the topics of diversity and inclusion. Links: Matthew's website: http://www.CoachwithMatthewSolomon.com Matthew on social media: facebook.com/coachwithmatthewsolomon intsagram.com/mattytheglue twitter.com/mattytheglue Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/ Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program: https://www.kateanthony.com/stay-or-go-group

This week I am excited to bring you a conversation with Emma Johnson. Emma is a business journalist, gender equality activist and a bestselling author of, The Kick-Ass Single Mom. She's also the founder of WealthySingleMommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms and Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making shared parenting the norm. And today, shared parenting is the topic up for discussion. We tackle how equally shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality, the gender pay gap, and empowering men to parent in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement. Plus, we talk about letting go of your identity of being "just" a mom and embracing every aspect of being a woman. If you take anything away from this episode, I hope it's this: anyone can be an activist for gender equality and shared parenting, it all starts by having one honest and open conversation about gender and parenting. Show Highlights Shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality (6:17) Why dependency is not a good look (11:21) The gender pay gap and why it is not going to be solved unless women are in places of power (12:18) Children need to have 50% equal time with their parents...period. (17:57) How shared parenting allows for a mental recharge (22:30) Empowering men to parent on their own (without the help of a partner or spouse) (25:08) Being scared to give 50% parenting over to a partner who is narcissistic and abusive (26:48) Authentically grieving your divorce and the importance of working through it (30:04) Everyone can be an activist for gender equality, challenge people around you or take steps to equalize parenting (30:53) Emma brings up the question, "Do we really need child support if childcare is split 50/50?" (33:30) Learn More About Emma: Emma Johnson is a business journalist, gender equality activist, #1 best-selling author of The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), and founder of Wealthysinglemommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms. A former Associated Press reporter, Emma has been featured on New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Headline News, CNBC, NPR, TIME, O, The Oprah Magazine, The Doctors, and many more. She was named Parents magazine's "Best of the Web," "Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts" by U.S. News, and "9 Overachieving New Yorkers You Must Date" by New York Observer. Emma frequently speaks on women's issues, including at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. She is the founder of Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making equally shared parenting the norm. Emma grew up in Sycamore, Ill., and live in Astoria, N.Y., with her kids, Helena and Lucas Links:Emma's websites:http://momsforsharedparenting.org https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com Emma on Social Media: https://twitter.com/5050moms https://www.facebook.com/momsforsharedparenting/ https://instagram.com/wealthysinglemommy/?hl=en Jump on my Email List for Invaluable Divorce Survival Guide Resources: https://kateanthonycpcc.activehosted.com/f/17

This week I welcome Debra Rogers to the podcast. Debra is a writer, blogger, break-up coach and speaker. She is the author of, He Did You A Favor. And she is also one of my real-life friends! Fun-fact about today's episode, this is the first face-to-face interview I've done. And it was so.much.fun! In this episode, Debra and I talk about divorce (obviously), more specifically how she handled the break-up of what she refers to as a " fairy-tale marriage." Plus, she shares openly about her 5-year journey to self-discovery following her divorce. Finally, she teaches how to overcome rough break-ups and grow into the person you were meant to be. Show Highlights The knowledge that your spouse can be doing the best they can and it still not be good enough for you. You can move on from it (7:22) How Debra dealt with the break-up of her fairy-tale marriage and being in denial (11:32) Debra talks about her book, He Did You A Favor, and what the title really means (14:15) The anagram GIFT and how it can help, plus knowing that there is a choice—you can either stay in victimhood or choose to redirect and look for the favor or the gift (17:45) Debra's interesting and eye-opening journey of hiring (and firing) a divorce attorney (21:14) How to become a good friend with your ex: yes, it is possible, but you have to be ready (31:23) Getting triggered, ongoing therapy, and the act of healing (42:27) Holding your intention for having a healthy co-parenting relationship (47:05) Learn More About Debra: With years of dating and break up experience, including one crushing break up at eight months pregnant (which evolved into a supportive divorce and loving friendship), Debra has earned her relationship MBA. As "The Ex Expert™" she's passionate about helping others get over their ex, take back their life, and become the person they're meant to be. Debra offers her relationship expertise as a regular blogger on the Huffington Post and Digital Romance. She's also contributed to Gal Time, Relationship Headquarters, and has been recently featured in The Washington Post, Fit Pregnancy and Never Liked It Anyway. She's appeared at the LA Festival of Books, the Women's Journey Conference, and The Ultimate Women's Expo. She's also guested on 25+ radio shows and has helped hundreds of men and women get over their breakup and get past self-doubt. Debra's heartfelt, humorous, tough-love advice has guided others into stepping into their power, passion, and purpose. Her book, He Did You a Favor has won high praise as well as numerous awards including: The Independent Publisher Award, the Next Generation Indie Award, and the Indie Reader Discovery Award (named as "One of the best books of 2014"). He Did You a Favor has been featured in Shape Magazine as one of their "Top 10 Winter Reads" and in She Knows as "One of the top 7 books to read on Valentine's night." Before He Did You a Favor, Debra worked the studio circuit for years as a script analyst and Development Associate for both film and television. Her passion for story was further expanded as a writing consultant for numerous motion picture and television writers through her company Your Best Writing Now. She's been a beloved board member for ScriptWrights, a prestigious LA writer's group and is currently on the Creative Advisory Board at West LA College. She's also built a successful voiceover career in 25+ film and television shows including: Disney's Lilo & Stitch and Leroy & Stitch. She's voiced strong, powerful women in Giant Robo, Streetfighter and Xena: Warrior Princess. Through her life experience, she discovered her own inner warrior and found that the strong heroines she'd been voicing were also within her. Debra's now a warrior for others. She's become a catalyst for change in people's lives, both as a writer and as a coach. Debra currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her amazing daughter and has finally found true love. She is currently writing the follow-up books in her Did You a Favor series. Links:Debra's website: https://hedidyouafavor.comDebra on Social Media:https://twitter.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.instagram.com/hedidyouafavor/ https://www.facebook.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.pinterest.com/hedidyouafavor/

Today I have a great interview with Dr. Natalie Jones, who is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, "Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?" I'm excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist (3:29) What it's like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being "love bombed," and not stepping outside of the "bubble" (5:04) How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist (18:40) Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving (21:03) How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved (25:09) How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries (27:25) Addressing grief of the broken fantasy (31:34) Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite our relationship story (35:13) Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child (42:01) Learn More About Natalie: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes. Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links: Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones' social media linksDr. Jones on Instagram A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on FacebookA Date with Darkness Facebook PageA Date with Darkness Facebook GroupDr. Jones on TwitterA Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Today I am happy to bring you my conversation with Laura Wasser, a family law attorney, author of It Doesn't Have to Be That Way, entrepreneur, and family law expert. She is also the founder of the online divorce platform, it's over easy. Through her platform she provides an online divorce solution that guides men and women through every aspect of divorce, saving them tons of time and money. During our conversation, we discussed the varying aspects of divorce; from the outrageous price tag it can have (and why that may be) to the legal aspects of it all. Plus, we talk about the importance of communication and collaboration throughout the divorce process. Show Highlights The divorce price tag can be outrageous; the more conflict there is, the more you pay (7:49) The number one difference between those that can divorce amicably and those who can't, and why time and acceptance matter (11:36) Why emotional decision making is often a terrible idea (14:12) California cooling off period—what it is and what it means (15:02) Figuring out a better way of communicating pre-and post-divorce (19:45) Laura talks about her first book, It Doesn't Have to Be That Way, and why she was moved to write it (22:43) Divorce culture, then and now, and cultural distinctions in divorce (26:23) Premarital counseling and why it can be so healthy and important to a marriage(33:44) Stay-at-home moms and their fear of not being able to support themselves after divorce (36:17) Being financially aware of what is going on in your marriage and how marriage is a partnership, so you need to treat it like one (39:38) Learn More About Laura: Attorney Laura Allison Wasser is an author, entrepreneur, and Family Law expert. She is the founder of the online divorce platform, it's over easy. Laura is frequently called upon as the preeminent voice on TV, in print and across the media landscape in newsworthy matters regarding Divorce and Family Law. In 2018 Laura participated as a featured speaker at both the Women In The World Summit and Girlboss Rally. Profiles and interviews on Laura can be found in Vogue, Bloomberg News, Porter Magazine, Interview, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, The Hollywood Reporter, People Magazine, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Town and Country, Parenting magazine and more. Links:Laura's websiteLaura's Podcast: Divorce SucksLaura on social media:https://www.instagram.com/laurawasserofficial/ https://www.instagram.com/itsovereasy/ https://twitter.com/itsovereasy https://www.facebook.com/itsovereasy/ Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Self-StudyLaura's Online Divorce Made EasyOur Family WizardCoparenterPolicy GeniusWorthy

The topic of boundaries often comes up in my Facebook groups and with my clients. If you're in an unhappy marriage, getting divorced, or already divorced, boundaries are constantly shifting and changing. As you maneuver through divorce or get acclimated to life after divorce, you might be having to hold your boundaries more firmly than ever before. Or maybe you're reading this and thinking, "I really need to get me some boundaries." Whatever the case may be, I've got you covered with today's podcast episode! The ever-lovely and kind Randi Buckley is joining me to talk alll about boundaries. Randi is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is also the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People. When I first started out trying to set my own boundaries, it was god awfully messy. Randi's perspective offers a new, healthy and unique take on boundary-setting. What she teaches and how she teaches it has allowed me to make sense of a topic that previously escaped me. Today, she explains how to set healthy boundaries that are kind both to ourselves and to others. Show Highlights Randi's unique view and definition of healthy boundaries: "Boundaries are the infrastructure for who you want to be and the life you want to live." (3:51) How values and boundaries go hand-in-hand (5:50) Turning a value into an action and how doing so can help instruct what your boundary needs to be (8:01) When we honor our boundaries it becomes really clear who in our lives are not respecting them (9:25) How to set boundaries that are safe and healthy for yourself and also allow for communication and collaboration in service of your children (13:28) How to set a boundary with someone who sees the boundary as an obstacle to overcome, plus Randi's garden analogy (22:01) Boundaries are an extension of kindness plus why "nice" and "kind" are fundamentally different (28:05) Handling resistance or push-back to your boundaries and the importance of allowing the other party to communicate their concerns while still standing by your boundary (30:47) Why kindness is a two-way street (38:02) Learn More About Randi: Randi Buckley is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People, Maybe Baby, and The Viking Woman Workshop. She is mama to Ravn and in her free time, untangles whales from fishing gear, in the Monterey Bay. Links:Randi's websiteRandi on Instagram Free Healthy Boundaries for Kind People group Should You Stay In Your Marriage for Your Kids Webinar

This week my colleague, Lindsey Ellison is joining me to talk all about how to co-parent with a narcissist. She is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. If you have an ex who's a narcissist, you've probably read every book out there about communicating with one. And the advice always given is, go no contact. But for those of us who have to actually co-parent with a narcissist, that's not an option. So what do you do if you have to continue to have a relationship with someone with whom you've struggled to have a relationship for, like, ever?In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you'll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Show Highlights Lindsey's divorce story, how we're divorce twins and when she realized she was married to a narcissist (4:00) What drove Lindsey to write a book about narcissism (7:27) No contact messaging and why it's confusing (10:12) Act as though every engagement with your narcissistic ex as if it were a business transaction (11:09) Realizing you are the CEO of your life, the captain of your ship and in charge (12:53) Lindsey's book and the MAGIC formula for getting what you want from a narcissist (17:45) You can have guarded compassion and boundaries with empathy (24:04) Assessing their fears and mapping their persona; and why doing so is in service to your children (27:06) The importance of identifying goals in every engagement you have (28:17) Narcissists and mom issues and how nurturing phrases can help with communication (31:03) Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) (46:33) Breaking the cycle of narcissism (45:53) Learn More About Lindsey: Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Her newest book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, offers a step-by-step formula on how to create a communication plan, and provides a script of empowering "magic" words that can neutralize the power struggle. Links: Lindsey on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/ThriveWithLindsey/?ref=bookmarks Lindsey on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/startovercoach Lindsey on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDQRnkwWkOxZcTNbSEx_q8w Her book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist: https://amzn.to/2WfARDF Start Over and Find Happiness Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/start-over-find-happiness/id1074313116?mt=2 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/

This week I'm thrilled to introduce you to Tracey Coates. Tracey has been practicing family law for over 15 years. She is also the host of the podcast, The Divorce Chronicles, a practical resource for those thinking about or in the midst of a divorce. That last part, it sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yes, Tracey and I have a lot of similar ideas about the divorce process, which is just one of the many reasons I wanted to have her on the show. In this episode you'll hear us cover a wide range of topics including the emotional, financial, and legal aspects of divorce. We also talk about the importance of setting the tone for divorce proceedings and keeping your children's wellbeing in check, always. We also drop a few reality checks, like how divorce is never a cookie cutter process. Finally, we wrap things up by talking about how to start a discussion with your spouse about wanting a divorce. All of that and more, in this week's episode. Show Highlights Setting the tone for divorce proceedings, especially if you are the one handling most of the process and paperwork (10:36) Divorce is a dissolution of a legal contract (your marriage) and managing people throughout the process (11:32) Divorce is not a cookie cutter process - legally or emotionally (13:00) Legal proceedings, what to do and not to do, plus looking forward to your day in court (is it really all you think it will be cracked up to be?) (14:36) Collaborative divorce is NOT the cheaper way to get divorced (24:13) DIY Divorces, what you need to know and why they may not be the best approach (25:36) Budgeting for the end of marriage, including housing, utilities and more (31:07) Navigating your emotions during divorce and beyond (34:02) How to approach the discussion with your spouse about wanting a divorce (36:20) Learn More About Tracey: Tracey Coates is a partner at the law firm of Paley Rothman in Bethesda, Maryland. She also serves as the Co-Chair of the Family Law department and a member of its Litigation practice group. In addition to being a trained mediator, Tracey volunteers and is a member of the Board of Directors for the D.C. Volunteer Lawyers Project (DCVLP), an organization whose mission is to provide high-quality, free legal services to low-income D.C. residents in family law cases. She provides pro bono legal representation, doing custody, divorce and guardian ad litem work for survivors of domestic violence and children in high-conflict custody cases. Tracey is also the host of the podcast, The Divorce Chronicles, a practical resource for those thinking about or in the midst of a divorce. Links:Tracey's website: www.thedivorcechronicles.com Tracey on Instagram: instagram.com/thedivorcechronicles Tracey on Facebook: The Divorce Chronicles For those in the MD/DC area looking for legal advice/representation -- tracey@paleyrothman.com or (301) 968-3418 (Tracey's assistant) The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast - Divorce Financial MistakesMy new program just for men is going into beta on April 1st - Sign up for details!

Today I have a very special guest on the podcast. Well, I feel like all of my guests are very special. I rarely have anyone on my podcast that I don't know well, either personally or professionally. It's important to me to bring to you people I know, trust and believe in their message - today is no exception. It is my pleasure to introduce you to Annie Grace, creator and founder of This Naked Mind. I came to know Annie about five months ago when I found myself questioning my relationship with alcohol. You see, I never drank in my marriage. My ex-husband didn't drink, so it was never really part of our life together. After my divorce, drinking was one of the first things I turned to and over the years my drinking increased, pretty steadily. About five years ago I first began questioning my relationship with alcohol and checked out a bunch of different AA meetings. I realized pretty quickly that AA wasn't for me. I just didn't relate to the stories I heard in AA, and my sober friends and I deemed me, "Not an alcoholic." At that point I figured I didn't really have a problem, so I continued on my way. Fast forward to five months ago (about five years after my experience with AA and yes, I was still drinking in excess), I started reading Annie's book, This Naked Mind. As soon as I started reading her book, I quit drinking. Why? Her book helped me to understand why I felt the way I did, why I was depressed and why I kept turning to alcohol to get through, well, anything. It was a very eye-opening experience. Of course, I started following Annie's work religiously and even joined some of her programs. Her work has changed my life in a huge way. And now, she's here on the podcast! In this episode we talk about the prevalence of drinking in divorce and in mom-culture at large. Plus, we talk about the science behind alcohol use and and its effects on your brain, how your children may be viewing you when you are drunk (and the effect it has on them), as well as navigating your feelings once you've quit drinking. When you start to learn about becoming alcohol free (or, AF), you realize it's less about deprivation and instead about wanting more for your life. Show Highlights Annie describes what This Naked Mind and The Alcohol Experiment are all about - "We've completely coupled and married alcohol with all the pleasant experiences in our lives. It's really hard to tell if it's the alcohol that is fun or if we would be having fun anyway." (7:49) When the label "alcoholic" feels unrelatable to someone who drinks, it can lead them to feel like they are "off the hook" with their drinking (13:24) The stigma around saying, "I think I drink too much," and how people assume, when you say that phrase, that you're an alcoholic (16:18) The truth about alcohol as a substance: it's addictive no matter who you are, and it's an anesthetic (17:20) Alcohol is more addictive when the body and the brain are stressed (18:55) Some real-life examples of how major life transitions can lead to a relationship with alcohol that is not comfortable - becoming a "gray-area drinker" (20:15) Alcohol and depression - the science behind alcohol use and your brain (25:25) How to navigate the wave of emotions that come after you've quit drinking (35:02) The importance of becoming unafraid of silence - "If we can be in silence with ourselves, even if it hurts, so often we discover some really beautiful truths. Alcohol numbs that entire experience and the ability to really get to know and love yourself." (40:05) An important distinction between sadness and depression - they are not the same thing (42:51) Mommy juice messaging: the messages aimed at women about alcohol and wine (45:43) The lowdown on all the studies that say alcohol is good for us (53:28) REGISTRATION FOR MY SIGNATURE GROUP COACHING PROGRAM IS OPEN! Should I Stay or Should I Go? THE 12-WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM THAT WILL HELP YOU MAKE THE BEST DECISION ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE…ONCE AND FOR ALL! MORE INFO HERE Learn More About Annie Grace: Annie Grace grew up in a one-room log cabin without running water or electricity outside of Aspen, Colorado. She discovered a passion for marketing and after graduating with a Masters of Science (Marketing) she dove into corporate life. At the age of 26, Annie was the youngest vice president in a multinational company, and her drinking career began in earnest. At 35, in a global C-level marketing role, she was responsible for marketing in 28 countries and drinking almost two bottles of wine a night. Knowing she needed a change but unwilling to submit to a life of deprivation and stigma, Annie set out to find a painless way to regain control. Annie no longer drinks and has never been happier. She left her executive role to write her first book, This Naked Mind and share This Naked Mind with the world. In her free time, Annie loves to ski, travel (26 countries and counting), and enjoy her beautiful family. Annie lives with her husband, two sons, and daughter in the Colorado mountains. Links: Annie's website: http://thisnakedmind.com Annie's book: This Naked Mind The Alcohol Experiment Annie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thisnakedmind/ Annie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thisnakedmind/?hl=en

This week's guest is Silvy Khoucasian. She is a Relationship Coach who specializes in attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries. I invited her onto my podcast with the hope of having a rich conversation about attachment styles. Oh and we absolutely did have a rich and amazing conversation! If you are thinking, "Alright, Kate, what's up with attachment styles and why are they important?" Well, our attachment styles are deeply rooted and can have a dramatic impact on the way we relate to someone as an adult. Yes, it always goes back to relationships, doesn't it? Speaking of relationships… do you find yourself feeling triggered by your partner? Do you then project past hurts onto them (or maybe it's the other way around)? If so, learning your attachment style and that of your partner can help you understand why you both react in certain ways (and what you can do about it). Silvy also takes us through the three different attachment styles and explains why they matter. Plus, we talk about why owning our needs is so important, including creating healthy boundaries, and what role family culture plays in attachment styles. Attachment styles can make or break a relationship without awareness of them. So let's become aware. Show Highlights The main framework for attachment styles and the three primary styles (06:25) How attachment styles manifest later in life, what they have to do with our current relationships and why attachment styles even matter (8:18) Why we tend to choose partners that trigger us and what we can do about it (13:34) Making sense of our story, allowing ourselves to grieve pain, neglect, and abandonment we experienced as a child (14:12) How to you figure out your attachment style (16:19) The importance of getting curious about your partner's attachment style and validating him/her for their attachment style (21:34) Why owning what we need is so important (23:53) Understanding attachment styles help us create healthy relationships, plus having empathy for their opposite style (30:40) Modeling vulnerability opens up more influence with your partner (33:36) The importance of having your partner show up in the work with you (38:10) Starting the conversation about boundaries (38:39) How family culture influences our attachment styles (49:52) What avoidant or anxious attachers struggle with the most (57:07) Learn More About Silvy: Silvy has a long-running love affair with helping struggling couples create genuine connection. She has a Master's Degree in Psychology (Marriage & Family Therapy) and a bachelors in Sociology. Growing up in the USA as a young immigrant from the Middle East, Silvy has always been fascinated by the critical role family cultures play in intimate relationships. She specializes in her work with attachment styles as well as creating healthy boundaries. Silvy also has a background in theatrical arts, which allows her to use art & drama therapy in helping clients reclaim lost or suppressed parts of themselves. Links: Silvy's website: http://www.silvykhoucasian.com/ Follow Silvy on Instagram for some free, daily relationship advice: https://www.instagram.com/silvykhoucasian/ Grab her Practical Communication Program, here: bit.ly/PracticalCommunication Attachment Style Test recommended by Silvy:http://secureinlove.com/my-love-style-quiz/