The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Recently in my Facebook Group for women deciding if they should stay or go in their marriage, I asked the members to share their most burning questions about divorce. And I received an overwhelming response. The topics ranged from, "How can I leave my marriage if I have no emotional support and can't support myself financially?" to "What do I do if I don't have the courage to leave him?" And, every single topic or question had an underlying theme, all relating to doing work on yourself first. When you are making a decision to leave your marriage, you're making a decision of great love for yourself and for your children. That power needs to carry you through to the other side. When you do the self-work, you can come from a place of neutrality, process your emotions, and grieve what needs grieving. You can work hard to bring yourself to a place of calm, peace, and lack of blame or resentment so you can make difficult choices. Without focusing on self-work first, the choices you have to make will be much harder (and trust me, they are hard enough as it is). In this episode I go over some of the topics the women in my Facebook group mentioned (btw, join us!). Plus, I share how you can become deeply rooted in your own sense of power. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Getting rooted into your deepest power and grounded in your confidence How to start fresh on your own when you've never been on your own before Knowing you are worthy and you are enough ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.

This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in "The One" coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle. Let's talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn't matter how much of a 'victim' of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth. When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it. Show Highlights This week I welcome Jennifer Butler to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Jennifer Butler, MSW, is a certified Calling in "The One" coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. In fact, Jennifer recently interviewed me for the podcast she hosts for Worthy, Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle. Let's talk about showing up and being a victim for a moment. When it comes to divorce, it doesn't matter how much of a 'victim' of your circumstances you are, you still have a personal responsibility to show up in the world with grace and dignity. The work that Jennifer and I talk about in this episode will help you to stand in and reflect on your own truth. When you show up in your life in a different way and when you allow yourself to dream about what is possible; you will begin to learn how to believe in your ability to create it. Show Highlights What Calling In "The One" is all about (4:16) One big shift that's really important is to move from needing a connection from a wounded place to wanting to share a connection from a place of abundance within yourself (8:11) The 7 week process to attract the love of your life; including letting go of any blocks standing in your way of harnessing your internal power (9:00) The stories we show up with in our lives that are holding us back (11:06) Some common misconceptions around doing the work; plus learning to fall in love with the process of discovering (20:04) The labels and toxic ties we make that carry weight and keep us from moving forward, like labeling someone as the love of your life; plus how to navigate away from a label (26:00) Build on and nurture our deeper truths by learning new ways of showing up; like learning to be vulnerable and asking for help (30:00) Healing the disappointed dream, setting bold intentions, and creating a vision for your future (34:00) Learn More About Jennifer:Jennifer Butler, MSW is a certified Calling in "The One" coach, certified health coach, writer, and podcast host dedicated to helping people fall deeply in love with themselves and awaken to their own internal power to create joy, love, and freedom in their lives. Beyond an extensive education, Jennifer has also gone through a very powerful transformation, overcoming obstacles and challenges in her own life that greatly inform and influence her work. As a love and relationship coach, Jennifer teaches clients to identify and transform internal obstacles and expand their capacity to love and be loved so they can create the happy and healthy relationships they deeply desire. As a writer, Jennifer provides an honest and authentic account of her own life experiences with the intention of inspiring others. Her work can be found on JennJoyCoaching, Worthy, ESME, LiveThroughTheHeart, DivorceForce, and Instagram. Jennifer can also be found hosting the very popular Worthy Podcast, "Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle." Resources & Links: Jenn's website Jenn on Instagram Jenn on Facebook Jenn on LinkedIn The Worthy Podcast Calling in "The One" ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking a small group through LIVE in February. It's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY LOLA. Feminine care products you can trust, delivered to your door. Made by women, for women. Use code "dsg" at checkout for 30% off your first order!

A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flip book called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea. Well, in this week's episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship. After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you're doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it's not your job to heal your partner's childhood wounds Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it's not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you! What IS your job in your relationship DO YOU LOVE THIS PODCAST EPISODE? DO YOU WANT THIS MESSAGE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, OR PLAYED IN YOUR SLEEP? YOU'RE NOT ALONE! That's why I partnered with Chocolate and Steel to create a gorgeous "Not Your Fucking Job" bracelet for you to wear as a constant reminder! Buy yours here!! Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?

They say that January is "Divorce Month." As the new year rolls in, you may be ready to finally make some changes. And if you are, you're far from alone. This is because of the number of women who hit the ropes following the holiday is enormous. In fact, that was me, on Christmas Eve, eleven years ago. If you believe your impending divorce is going to involve a high-conflict co-parenting situation, this week's episode is going to shine a light on some important issues for you. My guest, Megan Hunter, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., who developed the high-conflict personality theory. She is also the author of The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide. In this episode we explore how to maneuver in a high-conflict divorce. We discuss understanding the high-conflict personality, their motivation, and how to protect yourself. Megan also shares insight and wisdom about how to survive co-parenting with a high-conflict personality. She also offers a great reminder: take care of yourself first, get therapy, work with a coach (hi, that's me!), and focus on getting your head straight. Then, focus on the rest. Show Highlights High-conflict divorce and disputes on the rise (4:45) Gender stereotypes and high-conflict behaviors (9:02) The four traits of a high-conflict personality (11:44) Understanding the motivations of a high-conflict personality (15:25) Conflating acceptance with continuing to be victimized; it's NOT your job to fix your spouse! (21:52) How to survive a high-conflict co-parenting situation (25:45) Some other co-parenting relationship techniques, including using the BIFF technique (47:26) How getting unhooked from emotions can be helpful (and what that means) (52:02) Learn More About Megan: Megan Hunter, MBA, is an expert on high-conflict disputes, complicated relationships and Borderline Personality Disorder. She is co-founder of the High Conflict Institute along with author and speaker, Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. who developed the high-conflict personality theory. Megan developed the concept of the Institute after 13 years in family law as the Family Law Specialist with the Arizona Supreme Court, and Child Support Manager of the Dawes County Attorney's Office in Nebraska. She is CEO of Unhooked Media, a U.S.-based media company and is the author of THE HIGH-CONFLICT CO-PARENTING SURVIVAL GUIDE (2019), DATING RADAR™ (2017) and BAIT AND SWITCH. Resources & Links:Megan's websiteMegan on FacebookMegan on LinkedInMegan on TwitterMegan on YouTubeThe High Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

As you know I'm a huge fan of the co-parenting app, FAYR. Today I have FAYR's founder and CEO, Michael Daniels, as my guest. (ICYMI, FAYR is a collaboration app for co-parents, available for both iPhone and Android.) I adore Michael and his app because he's not just a tech-dude trying to ride the app wave. He's a divorced dad who has personally shared the experiences of FAYR's users — including those navigating complicated and contentious litigation. Michael literally created FAYR out of his own personal need. In this episode we talk all things divorce, co-parenting, and working with a legal system to create a smoother transition for all parents and their children. Show Highlights Why Michael created FAYR, plus he explains what the acronym FAYR means (2:39) Some of FAYR's features including geo-tracking, screenshots, and expense tracking (6:18) Why communication is the key to bettering any situation (10:00) The importance of keeping your side of the street squeaky clean, how a co-parenting app can help you do that, as well as how the app can aid with divorce proceedings (14:31) Some advice for co-parents who are just at the starting line of their co-parenting journey (16:00) The transition from being a married couple to being co-parents is hard (20:00) The difference between FAYR and other co-parenting apps (26:42) How using an app like FAYR can help ease co-parenting anxiety (27:00) Learn More About Michael: Born in Syracuse, N.Y., Daniels grew up traveling the world while his father served as a United States Army Officer. An All-American athlete and avid outdoorsman, Daniels set a world record at age 12 as the youngest person to hike the 135 mile Philmont trail in New Mexico. He now lives in Weston, Fla. A custom homebuilder by profession, Daniels, 39, created FAYR to provide parents with a simpler, more effective way to track and keep logs that are required to prove custody schedules and events, child expenses incurred, written correspondences, and timely arrivals to pickup or drop-off children all while saving time, money and anxiety. Michael is uniquely and strategically suited to successfully bring Fayr to a national market. He is a divorced dad who has personally shared the experiences of Fayr's users, including and especially those navigating complicated and contentious litigation and living the day to day life of a co-parent. His personal experience enables him to personally connect with Fayr's end users and their lawyers who are Fayr's primary clients. What is equally important is Michael's prior success and commitment in business. It was the same kind of commitment, drive and determination Michael brings to Fayr which rapidly propelled him to a senior management position while in his mid-twenties with the Miami-based Lennar Corp. After Lennar, Michael spent ten years creating a thriving business building and designing one-of-a-kind multi-million dollar homes. The same focus on precision and quality that was the cornerstone of Michael's successful home building career, is now brought to Fayr. This focus along with his personal experience ensures that the Fayr business model is built with equal attention to success and quality. Resources & Links:FAYR.com - Use Code: KAnthony for 20% off your subscriptionFAYR on Instagram FAYR on FacebookFAYR on TwitterThe Inspiration for FAYRGwynth Paltrow and FAYRThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am taking some time off to celebrate the Christmas holiday. If you celebrate Christmas, well then, Merry Christmas to you! A break this week means no new podcast episode. But, I still got you covered. Instead, I am re-airing my interview with Lindsey Ellison. Lindsey is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. Navigating co-parenting any time of the year can be difficult, but during the holidays it can be especially hard. In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you'll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Here are just a few of the topics we touch on in this episode: Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) Breaking the cycle of narcissism No contact messaging and why it's confusing For show notes and more visit: https://www.kateanthony.com/podcast-1/co-parent-with-narcissist-lindsey-ellison

Today I am bringing you an interview with Adèle Théron. Adèle is an author, trauma and divorce specialist, founder of Naked Recovery and runs an award-winning 21-day divorce recovery program called The Naked Divorce. We have an amazing conversation about anger and how powerful of an emotion it can be for women to embrace. So, let's talk about anger for a moment. It is such a misunderstood emotion. Anger management is really just anger suppression. In emotional abusive situations there is shame around anger. But as Adele explained, anger is a very important emotion for restoring self-esteem, self-love, getting out of depression and more. The beauty of anger is that it can blast through all of the noise. It gives you passion again. It cuts through all the deadness and resignation. Your anger might just be your greatest gift this holiday season. Tune in to find out more. Show Highlights The goal in going through a divorce is to get to a place of genuine forgiveness (4:31) Divorce is shame-based trauma and what that actually means (5:48) What is required to heal from divorce (9:38) The unbelievable weirdness from your community in the face of your divorce (14:07) The relationship between anger and trauma (16:35) The most dangerous aspect of divorce trauma is avoid healing from it (21:14) Catharsis therapy and how women can work with their anger (29:06) There is no dial for your emotions, if you suppress one emotion you suppress them all (31:58) To genuinely forgive somebody you have to work out what you are angry about first (37:53) Learn More About Adèle: Adèle Théron is an author, Trauma and Divorce specialist. She is the founder of Naked Recovery which provide online treatments from PTSD and she runs an award-winning 21-day divorce recovery program called the Naked Divorce. She resides in Thailand, New Zealand and the United Kingdom and serves her clients globally. Resources & Links:Nakedrecoveryonline.com Nakeddivorce.com Adèle on FacebookNake Divorce on YouTubeNaked Recovery on YouTubeAdèle on TwitterAdèle on InstagramAdèle on LinkedInThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week's episode is about trauma bonding. I've been doing a lot of research on trauma bonding recently because it comes up with so many of my clients and members of my groups. In doing the research I realized that I had a trauma bond in a relationship that ended only five and a half years ago. What this means is that a good five years into my coaching career, fifteen years into my codependency recovery, and well into my divorce, I slipped down this rabbit-hole myself. According to Shahida Arabi, author of the amazing book, Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare, a trauma bond is: "A bond that forms due to intense, emotional experiences, usually with a toxic person. Similar to Stockholm Syndrome, it holds us emotionally captive to a manipulator who keeps us "hostage" – whether that be through physical or emotional abuse." Trauma bonding can happen to anyone, especially those of us who are pre-conditioned to be drawn to relationships that are abusive or in some way reflective of past or childhood traumas. And let me be absolutely clear: There's no shame in this, but there is great power in seeing the trauma bond for what it is, because only then can we begin to break free of it. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: How to recognize a trauma bond: I share the story of my own trauma bonded relationship, which, surprisingly, was NOT with my ex-husband. How to heal from a trauma bond: To break free of a trauma bond, professional help in the form of psychotherapy and life coaching is always highly recommended. How to co-parent when healing from a trauma bond: when parallel parenting is better than co-parenting. This is a deep, dense, and intense topic. Please be gentle with yourself as you process this, and be sure to let me know if you need help breaking a trauma bond. Resources & Links: Private Coaching Consult with MeShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Becoming the Narcissist's NightmareThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email, and Social Media MeltdownsHigh-Conflict Divorce for WomenMagic Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist DSG Episode: Surviving Abuse with Mickie Zada

This week, Jonathon Aslay, America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach, joins me to discuss the importance of learning how to love yourself. In this episode, Jonathon shares his divorce story and his journey to self-love, and how that journey prepared him for the biggest hardship yet to come. His story is a powerful testament to personal development and self-work. As you've heard me say before, there was a (large) part of me that died in my marriage. And I will say it again and again, the greatest gift to myself (and to my ex) was to leave my marriage. As Jonathon so eloquently put it, "This experience called life, is our experience first." It's okay to end a relationship that does not serve you or your partner. Our conversation today is a great reminder that there are ways to coexist but not stay married, and ways to begin a journey of experiencing life on your own terms. I'll leave you some of Jonathon's words of wisdom, "Divorce is the unraveling of one's former tapestry and that takes its toll. If one chooses to begin to work on themselves, they will be much more prepared when it happens." (And, shameless plug, this is exactly what we do in my program!) Show Highlights Jonathon's experience with divorce and what he had hoped he learned about marriage beforehand (5:00) Through relationships we learn about ourselves (9:29) Some things men and women do that scream, "I'm wounded and haven't healed yet!" (10:00) His online dating addiction after divorce and how he transformed from living life from an egoic place to how he now sees and experiences life; through the eyes of love (13:18) If you are on a spiritual path and your partner is not, what do you do? (17:06) Staying in a marriage 'out of obligation' and why that's not enough (21:03) Men are nesters in a relationship and women are the container of the heart for a relationship; plus what that all means (21:33) Emotional connections and why communication is a skill we don't readily have (27:00) It's a daily practice to invest in oneself, because it begins to strengthen us from the inside out (32:31) How the daily investing in himself prepared Jonathon for a devastating loss, the loss of his 19-year old son (35:41) Whether we're grieving loss of child, parent, loved one, job or marriage, the work we do on ourselves prepares us (38:00) Personal development is not just for women, self-love and self-help is for everyone (43:00) Learn More About Jonathon: The focus of one of America's Leading Mid-Life Dating Coach has expanded into a deeper, essential philosophy of what it truly means to LOVE. After losing his 19-year-old son Connor in 2018, Jonathon Aslay's grief led him on a soul-searching inner journey, where he became aware of an often-overlooked dimension of the dating conversation. He realized that the process of dating reveals the most common emotional health issue faced by many singles seeking a partner: a distressing lack of self-worth, self-regard, and self-love. Today, he is on a mission of encouraging both men and women to fully love themselves with a new book, "What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway?"—packed with fun, engaging spiritual and personal growth practices—and his dynamic Mid-Life Love Mastery mentorship program, that inspires hundreds of people daily, around the world. Resources & Links:→ This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple's App Store or Google Play. -------------- Jonathon's websiteJonathon on InstagramWhat the Heck Is Self-Love, Anyway - Free Chapters Download GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it's an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here.The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Today I am talking about what to do when your husband or spouse tells you, "NOW, I want go to therapy…." And boy, this is a big one. In fact, it is very common too. And I have thoughts, I have so many thoughts. Here's the scenario: You've been unhappy for a while. Maybe a long-ass while. You've told your husband you're unhappy. You've asked him to go to therapy with you. Often multiple times. Maybe you've begged him to go with you but he's still said, "No". He may even have said, "I'd rather get divorced than go to therapy." So you continue to suffer, to make the most of it, to care for yourself and your children, to put on a happy face to the world, all the while suffering inside. Until one day you just can't do it anymore. Until one day the switch flips and you JUST.FUCKING.CAN'T. That's the day tell him you're done. And you mean it this time. And he knows it. He feels it. And he panics. And he tells you he'll do anything. He tells you, "Now, I want to go to therapy. Maybe he means it, but more often it's a last ditch attempt to get you to stay. If you have one shred of a fuck left to give, even just one corner, go to therapy. Watch him carefully. See what he's willing to DO. Remember ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻 ACTIONS 👏🏻. You cannot fix what's broken in your marriage on your own. You need help. So today, I am offering some help on this podcast in the way of advice so you know what to do if or when your spouse utters those famous words, "Now, I want to go to therapy.". Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: What to do when your spouse says they want to go to couples therapy, after you've told them you want a divorce The credentials and attributes to look for in a good couples' therapist Why you feel guilty when you know you're done and your spouse is pulling every play out of the 'please don't go' book Listening to and understanding your personal truth Resources & Links:→ This episode was sponsored by FAYR, the easiest, most intuitive and conflict-diffusing co-parenting app on the market today! Sign up at: www.befayr.com Use code KAnthony for 20% off! Then download the app from the Apple's App Store or Google Play. -------------- GOOD NEWS!! ROOTED is back! And now it's an online course that you can do on your own, in your own time! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words,"I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program that's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group