The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Divorce is a transactional process. You are making decisions about property, money, and time. It’s not a referendum on the emotional state—who did what, who’s right or who’s wrong. “If that's what you're litigating, you’re setting yourself for financial and legal disaster,” this week’s guest, Kimberly Nelson, says. Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers and other advisors during the dissolution process.  Let’s talk finances and divorce. Some of us are better at making money than we are at saving money.  And some of us are certainly better at spending money than anything else (um, hi). But what happens to your finances when you get divorced? It’s a super important conversation to have and I am happy to have Kimberly Nelson, an expert in this area, join me to talk about all things money related. Kimberly has sat next to countless divorcing spouses facing significant financial challenges during an overwhelmingly emotional time. Emotional turmoil tends to cloud decision-making. Our hope is that this episode will provide a roadmap for detangling conjoined financial affairs and allow you to move forward with divorce with peace and empowerment rather than fear.  Show Highlights What the financial goal for divorce should be (8:29) Keeping track of your expenses, what and how (including daily living expenses, health insurance and more) (10:40) Stash cash: what is it and how to make sure you have access to cash that’s available to you, when needed (13:16) The importance of letting the dust settle before making these financial decisions (21:08) Focus on divisions as transactions that you're trying to negotiate instead of marital rights and wrongs that you're trying to litigate (22:04) Why it’s really hard to be a grownup about money (25:46) Inventorying and splitting up assets and debt, why it’s important (28:11) What you need to know about personal credit, especially if it’s wrapped up with your spouse and marriage (38:55) House negotiations, If you need to let go of the house, realize wherever you go, you are home to your children (42:09) Learn More Kimberly Nelson: Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers and other advisors during the dissolution process.  Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant and in the best interest of the family or individual. Links:Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn Join me now: Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program

The prospect of divorce is daunting. And with it comes some very harsh realities: deciding whether you should stay or go, fears surrounding your child’s well-being, and even what life will look like after divorce. Wouldn’t it be great if science could help us with life’s hardest decisions? Well, this week’s episode is allll about the science behind love and divorce.  Duana Welch, author of Love Factually, joins me to talk about those harsh realities of divorce, and helps us take a look at love, relationships, and divorce from a scientific perspective. She holds a PhD in psychology,  contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others. All of her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; or decide when it’s time to call it quits.  In this episode we talk about the social science to help solve real-life relationship issues, some of the circumstances that occur when a divorce needs to happen and even why there are better and worse times for re-marriage. Plus, we even talk about why family blending is so hard, the act of forgiveness and boundary setting.  Duana reminds us that, yes, life after divorce will be awful for a while. But it will get much better, especially once you can understand, embrace and practice the science behind it all.  Show Highlights What gives people pause when considering divorce, from a scientific perspective (5:58) How women can avoid being a ‘sex object’ following divorce (10:27) The fail rate for second and subsequent marriages is worse than first marriages and some of the reasons why (15:17) Why children may be the reason subsequent marriages don’t work and some ways to help children work through being a member of a blended family or deciding when it’s the right time to marry again (16:53) Sometimes you just have to leave your marriage, understanding some circumstances where divorce needs to happen (20:40) Duana shares the shocking stat of how long couples actually wait before they go to marriage counseling & the kind of counseling that is effective (33:56) Evaluating the severity of the damage in your marriage (35:38) Forgiveness and divorce, the barriers to forgiveness and the science behind it (41:21) How to effectively set and maintain your boundaries (43:53) Learn More Duana Welch: Dr. Duana Welch is the original Love Factually author and coach known for using social science to solve real-life relationship issues.  Following her PhD in psychology, she taught at universities in Florida, California, and Texas across 20 years. She is the author of the original Love Factually book series worldwide, and contributes to Psychology Today, eHarmony, and others.  All her books rely on science rather than opinion to help men and women find and keep the right partner; and they all have a blue cover, for easy identification. Her Love Factually client practice is global, via Skype and other technologies. Thanks to science and Vic Hariton, she is happily married. For more information and free content, visit www.LoveFactually.co. Links: Duana’s website Duana on social media: Facebook  Twitter Instagram  For a free chapter of Love Factually for Single Parents [& Those Dating Them] and other free stuff, visit www.LoveFactually.co. Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women

Hey everyone, I am away this week, taking a short summer break. While I am away, I am re-airing one of my most downloaded and popular episodes. And don’t worry, I will be back with a brand new episode in a couple of weeks. ======== This episode features guest Quentin Hafner. Quentin is a Marriage and Family Therapist who works with couples and men in his private practice in Orange County, CA. In this episode Quentin and I dissect the biggest question of all:  Should I Stay or Should I Go In the course of this conversation we cover:  Quentin's 6 non-negotiables in a relationship and what they should really mean for you. Quentin's view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages—and if they're actually good enough reasons to leave. My view of the 3 most common reasons people leave marriages and—if they're actually good enough reason to leave. Why the fact that 68% of second marriages fail and 73% of third marriages fail really matters to the choice ahead of you right now. Why 69% of marriages are ended by women, and what men can do to not be a casualty of that. And MUCH more!! ******************* Quentin Hafner is not your ordinary therapist. He works tirelessly to help husbands and wives in relationships to feel massively more content, greater levels of peace, and overall more satisfied to be together than ever before. If you’re struggling with: – A marriage on shaky ground and you can’t seem to stop fighting. – Issues of infidelity or feeling suspicious of trusting your partner. – Feeling stagnant or that your marriage is stuck in a rut. – Not sure if you should stay together, or end your relationship. As a licensed therapist, Quentin combines his experience, education, and proven results with real-world practical guidance, easy-to-implement tools, and measurable solutions to help people reach their goals and dreams. Website Facebook Instagram

This week’s episode is centered around relationships - surprise! Okay, while it’s not really a surprise that we are talking about relationships on a podcast about divorce, we do talk about a phrase that is a hot button topic and one I haven’t explored in the show much yet: toxic masculinity.   I searched far and wide for the perfect person to have a conversation about this topic and I found him. I am pleased to introduce you to Matthew Solomon, a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication and the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era." By the way, everyone needs to get this book. It’s amazing.  In this episode Matthew and I share our views on the definition of toxic masculinity. And then we dive deep into the waters of relationships, intimacy, connection, and communication and how to make it all work, by doing the work. And I know, it’s painful to live without connection. If this episode does one thing, I hope it helps you realize that connection in a relationship is possible.  Show Highlights Matthew’s definition of toxic masculinity and my perspective on the term (plus why I think it needs a “rebrand”) (7:22) The importance of adjusting the way you communicate so others can receive it (11:14) Women are not men, we have different experiences and when we acknowledge those differences we can better communicate (19:20) Sex and relationships: we’re not taught about sex and intimacy; it’s an important part of relationships, yet we don’t know how to be intimate or settle in with each other (25:32) Why consent is HOT (33:37) Chivalry is honoring womanhood (38:14) The four steps of listening and listening beyond the words (49:25) The future of marriage, relationships, and communication as described by Matthew (53:12) Learn More About Matthew: Matthew Solomon is "The Coach for the Modern Soul," a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication. He is the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era," which was an Amazon #1 new release in 6 categories, writes the weekly column, "Too Sensitive," for The Good Men Project, is an award-winning filmmaker and father of 3. In addition to his private coaching practice, Matthew is regularly invited to speak on panels on the topics of diversity and inclusion. Links: Matthew’s website: http://www.CoachwithMatthewSolomon.com Matthew on social media: facebook.com/coachwithmatthewsolomon intsagram.com/mattytheglue twitter.com/mattytheglue Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/   Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program: https://www.kateanthony.com/stay-or-go-group

This week I am excited to bring you a conversation with Emma Johnson. Emma is a business journalist, gender equality activist and a bestselling author of, The Kick-Ass Single Mom. She's also the founder of WealthySingleMommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms and  Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making shared parenting the norm. And today, shared parenting is the topic up for discussion. We tackle how equally shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality, the gender pay gap, and empowering men to parent in a 50/50 shared parenting arrangement. Plus, we talk about letting go of your identity of being “just” a mom and embracing every aspect of being a woman. If you take anything away from this episode, I hope it’s this: anyone can be an activist for gender equality and shared parenting, it all starts by having one honest and open conversation about gender and parenting. Show Highlights Shared parenting is the ticket to gender equality (6:17) Why dependency is not a good look (11:21) The gender pay gap and why it is not going to be solved unless women are in places of power (12:18) Children need to have 50% equal time with their parents...period. (17:57) How shared parenting allows for a mental recharge (22:30) Empowering men to parent on their own (without the help of a partner or spouse) (25:08) Being scared to give 50% parenting over to a partner who is narcissistic and abusive (26:48) Authentically grieving your divorce and the importance of working through it (30:04) Everyone can be an activist for gender equality, challenge people around you or take steps to equalize parenting (30:53) Emma brings up the question, “Do we really need child support if childcare is split 50/50?” (33:30) Learn More About Emma: Emma Johnson is a business journalist, gender equality activist, #1 best-selling author of The Kickass Single Mom (Penguin), and founder of Wealthysinglemommy.com, the world's largest platform for single moms. A former Associated Press reporter, Emma has been featured on New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Headline News,  CNBC, NPR, TIME, O, The Oprah Magazine, The Doctors, and many more. She was named Parents magazine's “Best of the Web,” “Top 15 Personal Finance Podcasts” by U.S. News, and “9 Overachieving New Yorkers You Must Date” by New York Observer. Emma frequently speaks on women's issues, including at the United Nations Summit for Gender Equality. She is the founder of Moms for Shared Parenting, an activist organization aimed at making equally shared parenting the norm. Emma grew up in Sycamore, Ill., and live in Astoria, N.Y., with her kids, Helena and Lucas Links:Emma’s websites:http://momsforsharedparenting.org https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com Emma on Social Media: https://twitter.com/5050moms https://www.facebook.com/momsforsharedparenting/ https://instagram.com/wealthysinglemommy/?hl=en Jump on my Email List for Invaluable Divorce Survival Guide Resources: https://kateanthonycpcc.activehosted.com/f/17

This week I welcome Debra Rogers to the podcast. Debra is a writer, blogger, break-up coach and speaker. She is the author of, He Did You A Favor. And she is also one of my real-life friends!  Fun-fact about today’s episode, this is the first face-to-face interview I’ve done. And it was so.much.fun!   In this episode, Debra and I talk about divorce (obviously), more specifically how she handled the break-up of what she refers to as a “ fairy-tale marriage.” Plus, she shares openly about her 5-year journey to self-discovery following her divorce. Finally, she teaches how to overcome rough break-ups and grow into the person you were meant to be. Show Highlights The knowledge that your spouse can be doing the best they can and it still not be good enough for you. You can move on from it (7:22) How Debra dealt with the break-up of her fairy-tale marriage and being in denial (11:32) Debra talks about her book, He Did You A Favor, and what the title really means (14:15) The anagram GIFT and how it can help, plus knowing that there is a choice—you can either stay in victimhood or choose to redirect and look for the favor or the gift (17:45) Debra’s interesting and eye-opening journey of hiring (and firing) a divorce attorney (21:14) How to become a good friend with your ex: yes, it is possible, but you have to be ready (31:23) Getting triggered, ongoing therapy, and the act of healing (42:27) Holding your intention for having a healthy co-parenting relationship (47:05) Learn More About Debra: With years of dating and break up experience, including one crushing break up at eight months pregnant (which evolved into a supportive divorce and loving friendship), Debra has earned her relationship MBA. As “The Ex Expert™” she’s passionate about helping others get over their ex, take back their life, and become the person they’re meant to be. Debra offers her relationship expertise as a regular blogger on the Huffington Post and Digital Romance. She’s also contributed to Gal Time, Relationship Headquarters, and has been recently featured in The Washington Post, Fit Pregnancy and Never Liked It Anyway. She’s appeared at the LA Festival of Books, the Women’s Journey Conference, and The Ultimate Women’s Expo. She’s also guested on 25+ radio shows and has helped hundreds of men and women get over their breakup and get past self-doubt. Debra’s heartfelt, humorous, tough-love advice has guided others into stepping into their power, passion, and purpose. Her book, He Did You a Favor has won high praise as well as numerous awards including: The Independent Publisher Award, the Next Generation Indie Award, and the Indie Reader Discovery Award (named as “One of the best books of 2014”). He Did You a Favor has been featured in Shape Magazine as one of their “Top 10 Winter Reads” and in She Knows as “One of the top 7 books to read on Valentine’s night.” Before He Did You a Favor, Debra worked the studio circuit for years as a script analyst and Development Associate for both film and television.  Her passion for story was further expanded as a writing consultant for numerous motion picture and television writers through her company Your Best Writing Now. She’s been a beloved board member for ScriptWrights, a prestigious LA writer’s group and is currently on the Creative Advisory Board at West LA College.   She’s also built a successful voiceover career in 25+ film and television shows including: Disney’s Lilo & Stitch and Leroy & Stitch. She’s voiced strong, powerful women in Giant Robo, Streetfighter and Xena: Warrior Princess. Through her life experience, she discovered her own inner warrior and found that the strong heroines she’d been voicing were also within her. Debra’s now a warrior for others. She’s become a catalyst for change in people’s lives, both as a writer and as a coach. Debra currently lives in the Los Angeles area with her amazing daughter and has finally found true love. She is currently writing the follow-up books in her Did You a Favor series. Links:Debra’s website: https://hedidyouafavor.comDebra on Social Media:https://twitter.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.instagram.com/hedidyouafavor/ https://www.facebook.com/HeDidYouAFavor https://www.pinterest.com/hedidyouafavor/

Today I have a great interview with Dr. Natalie Jones, who is a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in helping women overcome abusive relationships with narcissists. I really hate that this is so prevalent in my work, but it is. I also dislike that narcissism and narcissistic abuse take up so much time in my practice. However, they do and I am a true believer that understanding narcissism and how to navigate divorce and later, co-parenting with a narcissist is so very important. And so I have turned to an expert in this for a conversation about all things narcissism. Dr. Jones and I cover many topics related to narcissism including the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, setting healthy boundaries safely and effectively, and even the ever-puzzling question, “Why do we date or marry the same type of person over and over again?” I’m excited to share our conversation with you. Show Highlights The spectrum of narcissism and hallmark characteristics of a narcissist (3:29) What it’s like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, being “love bombed,” and not stepping outside of the “bubble” (5:04) How to set healthy boundaries safely and effectively with a narcissist (18:40) Things to consider when it comes to safety and leaving (21:03) How Dr. Jones suggests you approach leaving a partner when kids are involved (25:09) How to go from being manipulated and controlled, to a person that has solid boundaries (27:25) Addressing grief of the broken fantasy (31:34) Why we date or marry the same type of person over and over again and how we can rewrite  our relationship story (35:13) Tools to help build up self-esteem, looking at inner dialogue, inner critic and inner child (42:01) Learn More About Natalie: Dr. Natalie Jones, PsyD., LPCC is an Licensed professional clinical counselor and a post doctoral intern. She currently has a private practice called Lifetime Counseling and Consulting in CA where she specializes in working with women who have been in emotionally and psychologically abusive relationships with narcissists, as well as with individuals who were previously incarcerated for various crimes.  Dr. Jones has a podcast called A Date With Darkness Podcast, which specializes in providing education and tips from healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Jones received her masters in clinical counseling psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, IL, and her doctorate in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, CA. Dr. Jones has also written blogs for the Mind Journal and PsychCentral. Links: Dr. Jones website: https://www.drnataliejones.com Dr. Jones’ social media linksDr. Jones on Instagram  A Date with Darkness Podcast Instagram Dr. Jones on FacebookA Date with Darkness Facebook PageA Date with Darkness Facebook GroupDr. Jones on TwitterA Date with Darkness on Twitter Resources:NEW! The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Today I am happy to bring you my conversation with Laura Wasser, a family law attorney, author of It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way, entrepreneur, and family law expert. She is also the founder of the online divorce platform, it's over easy. Through her platform she provides an online divorce solution that guides men and women through every aspect of divorce, saving them tons of time and money. During our conversation, we discussed the varying aspects of divorce; from the outrageous price tag it can have (and why that may be) to the legal aspects of it all. Plus, we talk about the importance of communication and collaboration throughout the divorce process. Show Highlights The divorce price tag can be outrageous; the more conflict there is, the more you  pay (7:49) The number one difference between those that can divorce amicably and those who can't, and why time and acceptance matter (11:36) Why emotional decision making is often a terrible idea (14:12) California cooling off period—what it is and what it means (15:02) Figuring out a better way of communicating pre-and post-divorce (19:45) Laura talks about her first book, It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way,  and why she was moved to write it (22:43) Divorce culture, then and now, and cultural distinctions in divorce (26:23) Premarital counseling and why it can be so healthy and important to a marriage(33:44) Stay-at-home moms and their fear of not being able to support themselves after divorce (36:17) Being financially aware of what is going on in your marriage and how marriage is a partnership, so you need to treat it like one (39:38) Learn More About Laura: Attorney Laura Allison Wasser is an author, entrepreneur, and Family Law expert. She is the founder of the online divorce platform, it’s over easy. Laura is frequently called upon as the preeminent voice on TV, in print and across the media landscape in newsworthy matters regarding Divorce and Family Law. In 2018 Laura participated as a featured speaker at both the Women In The World Summit and Girlboss Rally. Profiles and interviews on Laura can be found in Vogue, Bloomberg News, Porter Magazine, Interview, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, The Hollywood Reporter, People Magazine, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Town and Country, Parenting magazine and more. Links:Laura’s websiteLaura’s Podcast: Divorce SucksLaura on social media:https://www.instagram.com/laurawasserofficial/ https://www.instagram.com/itsovereasy/ https://twitter.com/itsovereasy https://www.facebook.com/itsovereasy/ Resources:Should I Stay or Should I Go Self-StudyLaura’s Online Divorce Made EasyOur Family WizardCoparenterPolicy GeniusWorthy

The topic of boundaries often comes up in my Facebook groups and with my clients.  If you're in an unhappy marriage, getting divorced, or already divorced, boundaries are constantly shifting and changing. As you maneuver through divorce or get acclimated to life after divorce, you might be having to hold your boundaries more firmly than ever before. Or maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I really need to get me some boundaries.” Whatever the case may be, I’ve got you covered with today’s podcast episode! The ever-lovely and kind Randi Buckley is joining me to talk alll about boundaries.  Randi is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is also the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People. When I first started out trying to set my own boundaries, it was god awfully messy. Randi’s perspective offers a new, healthy and unique take on boundary-setting. What she teaches and how she teaches it has allowed me to make sense of a topic that previously escaped me. Today, she explains how to set healthy boundaries that are kind both to ourselves and to others. Show Highlights Randi’s unique view and definition of healthy boundaries: “Boundaries are the infrastructure for who you want to be and the life you want to live.” (3:51) How values and boundaries go hand-in-hand (5:50) Turning a value into an action and how doing so can help instruct what your boundary needs to be (8:01) When we honor our boundaries it becomes really clear who in our lives are not respecting them (9:25) How to set boundaries that are safe and healthy for yourself and also allow for communication and collaboration in service of your children (13:28) How to set a boundary with someone who sees the boundary as an obstacle to overcome, plus Randi’s garden analogy (22:01) Boundaries are an extension of kindness plus why “nice” and “kind” are fundamentally different (28:05) Handling resistance or push-back to your boundaries and the importance of allowing the other party to communicate their concerns while still standing by your boundary (30:47) Why kindness is a two-way street (38:02) Learn More About Randi: Randi Buckley is an internationally-recognized coach, author, and mentor, whose work helps women find their truth and be at peace with it. She is the creator of Healthy Boundaries for Kind People, Maybe Baby, and The Viking Woman Workshop. She is mama to Ravn and in her free time, untangles whales from fishing gear, in the Monterey Bay. Links:Randi’s websiteRandi on Instagram Free Healthy Boundaries for Kind People group Should You Stay In Your Marriage for Your Kids Webinar

This week my colleague, Lindsey Ellison is joining me to talk all about how to co-parent with a narcissist.  She is the author of the book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist. If you have an ex who’s a narcissist, you've probably read every book out there about communicating with one. And the advice always given is, go no contact. But for those of us who have to actually co-parent with a narcissist, that’s not an option. So what do you do if you have to continue to have a relationship with someone with whom you’ve struggled to have a relationship for, like, ever?In this episode, Lindsey and I discuss her step-by-step formula for creating a communication plan and script of empowering magic words that can help neutralize the power struggle that you have when you are co-parenting with a narcissist. She details exactly what to do, how to do it, and why it works. After you listen to this episode (and maybe even grab her book) you’ll be armed with information you can use to engage with your narcissistic ex with confidence and authenticity. Show Highlights Lindsey’s divorce story, how we’re divorce twins and when she realized she was married to a narcissist (4:00) What drove Lindsey to write a book about narcissism (7:27) No contact messaging and why it’s confusing (10:12) Act as though every engagement with your narcissistic ex as if it were a business transaction (11:09) Realizing you are the CEO of your life, the captain of your ship and in charge (12:53) Lindsey’s book and the MAGIC formula for getting what you want from a narcissist (17:45) You can have guarded compassion and boundaries with empathy (24:04) Assessing their fears and mapping their persona; and why doing so is in service to your children (27:06) The importance of identifying goals in every engagement you have (28:17) Narcissists and mom issues and how nurturing phrases can help with communication (31:03) Providing your children with the tools to empower them and help them communicate with a narcissistic parent, without labeling the parent as one (to your children) (46:33) Breaking the cycle of narcissism (45:53) Learn More About Lindsey: Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc. She helps people navigate their divorce or break-up and also helps people break free from narcissistic abuse. Her newest book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist, offers a step-by-step formula on how to create a communication plan, and provides a script of empowering “magic” words that can neutralize the power struggle.   Links: Lindsey on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/ThriveWithLindsey/?ref=bookmarks Lindsey on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/startovercoach Lindsey on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDQRnkwWkOxZcTNbSEx_q8w Her book, MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want From a Narcissist: https://amzn.to/2WfARDF Start Over and Find Happiness Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/start-over-find-happiness/id1074313116?mt=2 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/