I am really happy to welcome Robert Kandell as today's guest. Rob has authored a book, called unHIDDEN - A Book for Men and Those Who Are Confused By Them, that will be available very soon. In the meantime, you can download a sample chapter on his website. I did, and something that really struck me about it was the idea of 'coming out'. On the show today Rob explains how you can bridge the communication gap between men and women and really up-level the conversation. He also explains what it is to live an unhidden life and specifically what that means to him. So listen in and find out what Rob has to share about his revolutionary idea of living life unhidden. Rob, who is also an accomplished teacher, coach, and lecturer, has done a lot of different things. He worked in corporate America, started a business, and owned a small computer shop before going on to build an international eight-figure business based on relationship, intimacy, and sexuality. Rob currently runs a successful consulting firm that is focused on helping small businesses become marketable and profitable. For the last fourteen years, Rob’s mission has been to help men find themselves and use their internal power to live their best lives. Rob is the host of the well-known podcast, Tuff Love. Listen in today to find out how it's possible for you to have a life way beyond the life you're living now!  Show Highlights: Robert gives a rundown of what it means to live an unhidden life. Why you really need to be smart about the way you live your unhidden life. Robert's recommendation for how to live an unhidden life. Your whole life can grow on one decision to change your status quo. The story of how one honest conversation with his wife in 1998 changed his whole life. Creating a conversation path for the truth to be told- and rewarded. Opening One Taste, an organization about relationship intimacy and sexuality. How to bridge the communication gap between men and women and up-level the conversation. How to know when it's time to change. Taking 100% responsibility in your communication. A different approach to relationship. The difference between the masculine and the feminine in communication. What a guy can do to get back into a woman's good graces. 6000 years of habits and 50 years of epic change for men. We're seeing an epic change in terms of what masculinity used to be, and what it is now. Resources: Recommended books: Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era by Michael Kimmel  End of Men: And the Rise of Women by Hanna Rosin Man, Interrupted: Why Young Men are Struggling & What We Can Do About It by Philip Zimbardo   Website & Social Media Links: Website: https://www.robertkandell.com Email:  robert@kandellconsulting.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kandellconsulting / https://www.facebook.com/robert.kandell Twitter: https://twitter.com/Robertkandell @Robertkandell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robert.kandell/ @robert.kandell Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertkandell/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCA4BLzufNXxgKGUsLVDTnlQ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/robertkandell/pins/

I'm super excited to bring you my latest podcast episode with my dear friend Andrea Owen of Your Kick-Ass Life.  I've been a guest on Andrea's podcast quite a number of times now, so I feel honored to finally have her on mine! Andrea and I have spoken many times privately over the years about the grief that goes along with divorce, most importantly the unexpected grief of losing precious extended family. For both Andrea and me, our in-laws were very much like a family we'd never had, and we were both completely taken by surprise by how much losing them in our divorces ripped us apart. (Spoiler, the fact that I have a kid has helped me stay connected to my in-laws, while not having kids with her first husband gave no reason for Andrea to stay connected to hers.) Andrea is a life coach, an author, and a hell-raiser, with a passion for empowering women to value themselves and to fiercely love who they are. She helps high-achieving women to let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation- and choose courage and confidence instead. Listen in today to hear what Andrea has to share with you about dealing with the difficult emotions that result from going through a divorce. Show Highlights: Andrea shares her divorce story. Coping with the grief of losing a dream — and a family. The idea of conscious uncoupling was not yet on the table when Andrea and I got divorced and that impacted both of our experiences. Most of us don't want to deal with grief so it follows us everywhere and becomes a weight on our shoulders. The importance of communicating through transitions — including with your in-laws. The importance of setting and holding really firm boundaries throughout your divorce with all the various people in your life and family. Coping with guilt and shame. Taking responsibility for your mistakes can help prevent creating negative patterns in future relationships. We talk about how 12-step work has helped both of us, and how learning about our character defects has been really helpful to our growth. Andrea, who is certified in the work of Brené Brown, teaches Shame Resilience. Resources: “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Links: Andrea's website: www.yourkickasslife.com Andrea's podcast: http://yourkickasslife.com/blog/ Kate’s episodes on Andrea’s podcast: An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony An Honest Conversation about Body Image with Kate Anthony, Part Deux Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture Andrea and Kate on Rape Culture, Part Deux

The hits just keep on going, don’t they? I’m recording this show a few days after the shooting in the synagogue in Pittsburgh. I’m realizing that by the time this show airs, we will have probably been hit by even more atrocities. This is relevant to today’s show because I will be discussing trusting your intuition; trusting your gut, and knowing where to find that. I’ve never specifically identified as Jewish, but I am. I’m half Jewish. Part of the reason I never identified as Jewish is because, at a very young age, I was told I wasn’t really Jewish because my mother wasn’t Jewish. I learned this partly because I dated a boy at the age of 14 and his parents sent him to Israel for the summer to get him away from me. To be fair, his family members were Orthodox Jews. As many of you know, I am an empath and I am really trying to tap into my intuition, which is linked to my empathy. After the synagogue shooting, I shut down. I actually slept for 10 hours straight, and on Sunday, I was dead to the world. I could hardly function because I was so exhausted. I asked myself in my innermost knowing why I was being so deeply affected by the shooting. The answer I heard was that even though I don’t normally identify as Jewish, there was a generational trauma I was experiencing. I looked at the pictures of my Jewish relatives on my wall and thought about my great-grandfather studying the Torah, and about my Russian grandmother who escaped on a refugee ship. The idea that none of this lives in my DNA is silly. I was able to tap into my family history so I could mourn and grieve.    Show highlights: Kate shares how the rise of anti-semitism in our country is negatively affecting her personally. Rhian Lockard’s class, Divine Communication, is helping Kate to tap into her inner guide, or “inside team.” Kate says to reach down deeply inside yourself to answer difficult questions. Ie. Should I leave my relationship, or should I stay? Call in your guides, and ask them the question. What is the first thing that bubbles? That will be your answer. Listen to the part of you that bubbles up. Kate says that when you ask yourself the difficult or scary questions, they will be the most important questions/decisions you will ever make. Hear the bubble pop and just listen. That’s how you connect to your inner guides. Trust yourself and trust your inner voices.   Connect with Divorce Survival Guide Website Facebook Instagram Watch for Kate’s new class coming in 2019. You can sign up now to be one of the first people to find out when it begins. Sign up here.

On the show today, I am thrilled to be joined by my great friend and colleague, Rhian Lockard. Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach, an empath, an ordained interfaith minister, a certified life coach, and an expert on emotional abuse. She currently runs a program called Divine Communication, in which I am enrolled, and it helps you connect with your spirit guide, your intuition, and so much more. Rhian seeks to support people in courageously cultivating their best lives with gentleness, guidance, and love, and feels a calling to her work.   Show highlights: Rhian discusses how you can recognize if you’re enduring emotional abuse including having a sense of never feeling like things are ok in your relationship. Rhian says one way to judge whether or not a relationship is abusive is to ask yourself if it feels safe to bring up problems you see in the relationship and to be aware that an abuser will seldom admit any fault or will not follow through on working on solutions. Emotional abusers will use your vulnerability against you and will shame you for the ways in which you’re asking them to uplift you. Rhian says an abuser wants something different from a romantic relationship than the victim does. An average person wants true connection, true intimacy, and love. Abusers seek someone to be subservient. Emotional abusers may make you feel like you can’t spend time with family and friends you love.They want to isolate you from voices of reason. Rhian says that often times, your abuser will strip away your own sense of belief in yourself and make you not trust your own reality. Kate shares that it can be incredibly difficult to leave an abusive relationship and that it often takes someone 8 tries to leave. Kate and Rhian discuss the Kavanaugh hearings and show the dynamics of emotional abuse during them. Rhian suggests to break away incrementally because it may just be too much for you to handle all at once. Tell yourself that you’re being emotionally abused, sit with it a while, and tell yourself it is not ok. Rhian says there is no playbook for how you handle this, it’s just about what works for you. Kate shares that the very last thing you should do is to go to your abuser and tell him/her that you’ve figured out they’re an abuser. Rhian tells us that your abuser wants all of what you have to give and they do not want you to give it to anyone else. Rhian suggests that if you’re serious about getting help, then get help. Don’t tell your abuser you’re getting help or he/she will dismantle it. Remember...it’s not your fault that you’re in an abusive situation, but it is your responsibility to save yourself. Seek assistance.     Connect with Rhian Lockard: Website Rhian on YouTube Facebook Instagram   Am I the Abuser?  A video in which Rhian tackles the idea that people have made mistakes in their relationships and therefore feel like they deserve abuse — or worse, might be abusers themselves.   Connect with Divorce Survival Guide Website Facebook Instagram To find out more about how I work with clients, click here. To take the two-minute Should I Stay or Should I Go quiz, click here.

In this episode I interview psychologist, author, and speaker, Dr. Valerie Baker who pioneers healing Patriarchy Stress Disorder™ (PSD)--the trauma of 1000s of years of oppression imprinted in women's DNA. Dr. Valerie calls PSD the invisible inner prison that keeps women from experiencing their ultimate success and happiness. In over 20,000 hours of her work as a therapist and coach to successful women, Dr. Valerie has guided thousands of women's PSD jailbreaks. She helps high-achieving women who're sick and tired of sacrificing their health, sanity, and love lives to heal PSD so they can finally marry their professional and personal success and happiness--and fully enjoy it. ********** Discover how Patriarchy Stress Disorder™ (PSD) is affecting you: www.psdandme.com Ready for your PSD jailbreak? Apply for a complementary session with Dr. Valerie Baker to create your jailbreak plan: www.jailbreakstrategy.com Looking for another awesome podcast? Subscribe to Her Success Radio on any podcast app or at www.hersuccessradio.com   Find Dr. Valerie on social media: Facebook Instagram

This week I bring on a Divorce Coach who specializes in the legal aspects of divorce. Jason Levoy is a former divorce attorney turned divorce coach who helps people navigate the divorce process from an attorney's point of view. He works with both people who have attorneys and those who don't. He is the creator of the most comprehensive online divorce coaching resource on the internet, DivorceU. You can learn more about Jason at www.jasonlevoy.com. We talk about:  The pitfalls of the legal system How to choose the right attorney Whether or not you actually need an attorney for your divorce Divorce as a business transaction and how it doesn't mix with emotions The movie Divorce Corp ...and more!! Jason's special gift to you: How to Co-Parent with an A-Hole! ******************* Where to find Jason: www.jasonlevoy.com Facebook Instagram Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest

In this episode, I discuss the top reasons marriage end, and break down what I believe are deal-breakers in each category:  Infidelity Addiction Lack of support Communication issues Money problems Lack of individual identity Unrealistic expectations I also tell you about my wine-tasting vacation with my mom, and how my ex-husband helped me get a brand new $3,000 mattress FOR FREE!!! ********************** Mentioned in this episode: Al-Anon Family Groups How to ask directly for what you need around the house  (plus scientific proof we do more work) If you think you're doing more in the house, and your husband says he's doing enough, use this Chore Audit to find out once and for all. Book a consult with me. ($50 non-refundable fee applies)

In this solo episode, I talk about coming out of a pretty dark depression, and then move on to how taking personal responsibility can be the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, your marriage, and your divorce. I tell the story of when I was in nursery school and was told to apologize and literally couldn't, do a pretty amazing impression of my mom, and tell a really personal story about what having been molested as a child taught me about personal responsibility and growth. Mentioned in this episode: The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones by Sandra Tsing Loh

Quentin Hafner, a dedicated Marriage and Family Therapist from Orange County, dissects the tough question of whether to stay or leave a marriage. He shares his six non-negotiables for healthy relationships and explores the three most common reasons people choose divorce. Intriguingly, he highlights the statistics behind marriage failures, particularly the role of women in ending relationships. Quentin’s insights on emotional fulfillment and the necessity of mutual support offer vital guidance for anyone grappling with marital dilemmas.

This week on the podcast, I interview Jessa Zimmerman, a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor.  Jessa specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured.  We had a great chat about whether or not an unfulfilling sex life is reason enough to end a marriage, and how to jumpstart it without it being too fucking awkward. We also talk about mis-matched libidos, the sexual avoidance cycle, porn and so much more! Needless to say, it’s a juicy one! ******************** About Jessa: Jessa is a licensed sex therapist and couples’ counselor. She specializes in helping couples who have a good relationship but who are avoiding sex because it’s become stressful, negative, disappointing, or pressured. Jessa educates, coaches, and supports people as they go through her 9-phase experiential process that allows them real world practice in changing their relationship and their sex life. She does this work through in person therapy in her office in Seattle, online therapy for Washington residents, her Better Sex podcast, and her soon to be published book, Sex Without Stress. www.jessazimmerman.com www.bettersexpodcast.com www.sexhealthquiz.com Facebook group: www.seattlecouplescounselor.com/community   Mentioned in this episode: David Schnarch – Passionate Marriage Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity