The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Divorce comes with many harsh realizations. Once the dust starts to settle, lost friendships or friendships that no longer feel supportive can be the most painful realizations. What the hell happened to your friends? And how do you make new ones? My guest, Daniel Herrold, is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age.  There are several aspects to Daniel’s story that are poignant, like his deep respect and commitment to his ex-wife (the woman who stayed home for many years raising their children), as well as the story of how he created a new community with people he’d never known before. It is my hope that by sharing stories such as Daniel’s, you’ll see what is possible after divorce. Sure, it may not always be rainbows and unicorns. But rebuilding a community is possible and can come pretty darn close to magical too. Show Highlights Why it’s important to surround yourself with people who are going through a divorce, who understand it, or who have been through it. (7:31) What happened to your friends? Some of the realities of friendship, including lost friendships, post-divorce. (8:12) Why should you focus on self-care, healing, and establishing that friendship group to help the healing process, instead of dating or thinking about your next partnership. (12:21) Daniel’s story of recognizing the opportunity cost of his ex-wife being a stay at home mom and what that meant for them post-divorce. (19:58) How to put resentment and emotional baggage aside and show up with integrity. (26:30) Why Daniel created DivorcedOver40, building a community of nonjudgemental peers. And why it is not a matchmaking site. (36:21) Learn More About Daniel: Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. Daniel is a resident of Tulsa, OK and has been divorced for nearly two years now and has three daughters. Resources & Links:DivorcedOver40DivorcedOver40 on Instagram DivorcedOver40 on FacebookSmart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Sunday, January 3rd, was the start of peak dating season. To talk about how to harness the power of dating,  my dear friend Bela Gandhi returns to the show. Bela is my go-to for all things dating advice and coaching. In fact, she gets the Divorce Survival Guide seal approval! There is no better time in your life to start thinking about dating than now. Bela breaks down some of the do's, don'ts, and how-tos for maneuvering through dating during peak season and beyond.  Show Highlights What is it about this time of year that makes you feel the pull to start dating? (5:10) Are there great partners out there? (6:22) How to screen people in and what that means. (9:48) Some dating advice for women who have recently exited a relationship with a toxic abuser. (13:17) All the love in the world will not change a Beast into a Prince. (18:51) If dating makes you excited, Bela shares how to harness the power of dating season, including some dating profile tips. (22:13) Some pandemic silver linings in the world of dating. (31:22) Learn More About Bela: Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.  After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating’s Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice.  She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully.  Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”.  SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives.  The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Smart Dating Academy Bela on Instagram Bela on Facebook Bela on Twitter Smart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I have another listener favorite episode for you on when to give up the authentic fight: I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about in this week’s episode. He said I should talk about cravings.  And he offered what he meant by saying this, “Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight.” How beautiful is that? There is so much happening in the world right now.  And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfillment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily.  Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight.  What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if?  What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That’s what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in.  Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100% Discernment work is so complex, but necessary The importance of recognizing your own ‘made-up’ stories and changing the narrative Today's episode is sponsored by Soberlink: Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020’s personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke.  If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.   I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many.  Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball.   How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward I’ll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love.  Resources & Links:Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn’t have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast.  There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace.  Show Highlights The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) You can’t tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie.  Resources & Links: Michelle’s website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom’s Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we’re talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She’s the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine’s work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that.  Seriously. Elaine’s work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from ‘fix-it’ mode to ‘understanding’. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six.  Resources & Links: Elaine’s website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn’t Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It’s because it matters and it’s all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women’s empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it’s important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life.  Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony’s program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am re-airing a listener favorite episode - Not Your F*cking Job. Want equal partnership? Let's start with not taking on impossible tasks -- and then being blamed for not being able to accomplish them. Listen to this episode for more! A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flipbook called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea.  Well, in this week’s episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship.   After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control.  So what IS your job: to uncover why you’re doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it’s not your job to heal your partner’s childhood wounds  Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it’s not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you!  What IS your job in your relationship Resources & Links: ROOTED LIVE is coming!  If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can’t seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you’re scared you won’t have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words, "I want a divorce,” then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February.  It’s designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?

This week I am re-airing a listener's favorite episode, The Power of Letting Go with Jill Sherer Murray. The episode aired right before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Since it feels like an entire year has passed since February, I thought I'd revisit some of my most popular episodes from early 2020. I'll be back with new episodes in November! Wouldn’t you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you’re in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she’s going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go.   Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary.   And, letting go is a challenge.   Especially when you’re contemplating divorce or going through divorce.   Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, “If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything.” So today she’s going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life.   After all, this is your one wild and precious life. If you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you’re not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit.  Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don’t do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don’t have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people’s expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go.   Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk.   Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.  Resources & Links: Jill’s website Jill on Facebook Jill on Instagram Jill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you’re struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It’s a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1U The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide

This week we are talking about all things step-parenting.  Tracy Poizner, the founder of the Essential Stepmom Podcast, joins me to explore this topic. Tracy and I discuss becoming a step-mom, how to prepare yourself if your ex-husband introduces a stepmother into your child’s life, and how to create an environment for your children to feel safe and loved within their newly formed blended family.  Show Highlights It can take up to seven years to settle into being a step-parent. (3:11) Some advice for women preparing to become a step-mom. (5:30) How to blend house rules between bio children and step-children. (15:05) So, there’s a new woman in your ex’s life: Tracy talks about how to prepare for this new situation of sharing your children with another woman. (26:03) Recognize this is a place of growth for you, love is not a finite thing - your children will never have less love for you because they have a step-mom in their life. (30:47) We discuss family constellation therapy and the orders of love. (32:00) Learn More About Tracy Poizner: Tracy is the host of the weekly Essential Stepmom podcast, heard in 54 countries worldwide where she offers unconventional advice and inspiration for The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids. Having been a stepmom for 14 years and an alternative healthcare professional for over 20 years, she has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our own personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. Tracy's blog is available at her website, essentialstepmom.com. Resources & Links: Tracy’s website Tracy on Facebook Tracy’s Private Facebook Group Tracy on Instagram Download Tracy’s 3 Secrets of Successful Stepmoms Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group