This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself. Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful.When you’re living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel.Show Highlights When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21) Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06) The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21) Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00) Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15) The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41) A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36) Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33) Learn More About Dr. Cohen:Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column. Resources & Links:Dr. Cohen’s websiteDr. Cohen on InstagramFacebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce 3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up. In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it’s emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown.  But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first. I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you. Show Highlights Wendy’s story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59) Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01) When Wendy’s marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn’t fulfil her. (19:09) Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27) What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11) The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11) Learn More About Wendy:Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog. Resources & Links:Wendy’s websiteWendy on FacebookWendy on Instagram Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.And holy cow, it’s a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income. She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this. *Please note this episode was recorded on 5/21/20. While advice is still relevant, listeners are encouraged to consider that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating an environment that changes rapidly, and new announcements, rules, regulations, etc. continue to evolve.Show Highlights What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse’s change in income due to COVID-19.  (6:00) How to prepare for a drop in income. (13:00) If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. (16:00) The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. (19:00) The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. (21:00) Rent and eviction moratoriums. (27:32) Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? (31:00) What you should know about auto loans and student loans. (33:00) Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. (41:00) Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. (53:53) Learn More About Kimberly:Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly’s team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual.Resources & Links: Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry’s List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry’s List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago. MIry’s story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, “What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?” And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms. Show Highlights Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. (12:18) The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry’s List. (16:10) The story of how Miry’s List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. (18:27) Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. (38:51) How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. (53:58) Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry’s List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she’s had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help. She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life’s passion into a movement.Resources & Links:World Refugee DayMiry’s List The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“If you think what’s going on all across the U.S. doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside your marriage, you’re dead wrong.” That’s a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week’s podcast topic.  So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot. I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has. White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us. We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support. Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let’s get to work.Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children. As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you’ll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family. If you’re thinking, "This could never happen to me," I’d like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve.Show Highlights The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20) The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52) Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39) We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18) Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06) Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50) New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40) Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children.Resources & Links:Our Happy Divorce WebsiteOur Happy Divorce on FacebookOur Happy Divorce on InstagramOur Happy Divorce on TwitterMy Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch! Eagle Rock Isolation Band The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Christina McGhee, a divorce parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print, is on the show. She is also the author of Parenting Apart, a book for divorced or separated parents. Christina is helping me kick off Parenting Month and I couldn’t think of anybody better to do so! She is an advocate for keeping the focus on kids even during the most emotional and tumultuous time of your life — divorce. Co-parenting through a divorce is, for most of us, uncharted territory. We don't know what to expect. We’re dealing with so many strong emotions that it's not an easy road to navigate — even under the best of circumstances. In this episode, Christina provides some insightful advice and guidance for divorced or separated parents who wish to keep the focus on family, even after the marriage ends. Show Highlights How to maneuver parenting after divorce, and putting yourself first. (7:00) How you can move forward in the best possible way and have happy, secure, resilient kids. (21:00) Watch your messaging: you are sending a really powerful message to your kids about what they should expect out of a relationship. (22:00) How to bring the best version of who you are to your job as parents. (26:07) What to do if your ex is resisting a co-parenting relationship or plan. (32:00)  Developing a guiding principle for when things get tough. (48:00) What to do when your child tries to play both sides of the co-parenting fence. (49:00) Learn More About Christina McGhee:Christina McGhee is a “media savvy” divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are, Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few.Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with “real-life” challenges. As a zealous advocate for children she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids.Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama.Resources & Links:Christina’s websiteChristina on FacebookParenting Apart by Christina McGheeThe Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week I’m bringing you a solo episode, and I’m talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let’s talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce!In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you’re in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: “What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?”Understanding why you’re seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens. I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don’t have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well! Show Highlights How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic. Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children. You don’t HAVE to forgive someone.  Why you should process through your resentments.  A Mother’s Day message reminder - ask for what you need. Resources & Links:Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Erin Levine, entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist, joins me on the podcast. She’s here to help close out Legal Month. (Don’t worry, I'll surely be revisiting legal topics in the future!) Erin is the founder of Hello Divorce, a modern breakup service, offering affordable, convenient, and online divorce options. I'm thrilled to have Erin on the show.Most of the world is in some form of lockdown right now. It feels like life is at a standstill for many. As I discussed a few weeks ago, you may be stuck and isolated with the person you have either asked for a divorce or were in the midst of divorce proceedings already. So, now what? Do all the legal proceedings and preparation stop? Well, no. In fact, in this episode, Erin shares several divorce planning strategies you can do while in the middle of a global pandemic. You can keep moving forward, even during times of uncertainty. In fact, the actions you take today can help you to feel empowered. Times feel scary and anxious right now, but you can still gain power, grow, and stretch yourself in meaningful, new ways. Show Highlights Be aware of divorce legal companies' scams or misrepresentations. (7:11) How to know whether you should pause divorce proceedings or continue to move forward during a pandemic. (9:14) Now is an excellent time to reflect: Sometimes we need to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the facts and decide: was the settlement proposal previously made in my best interest? (11:00) If you don’t have anything hammered out, it’s important to put a temporary order in place, even just to get you through this period. (12:47) Get organized: see what it is you have, what you don't have, and what you need to get in order. (14:00) Get educated: what do you need to do in your state, and what does the entire divorce procedure look like where you’re located? (16:00) Meet with a legal coach or a certified divorce financial analyst. (22:00) How to know when you should slow the process down and take a break. (30:11) Learn More About Erin Levine:Erin Levine is an entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist. She is the founder and CEO of Levine Family Law Group and Hello Divorce, a “modern breakup service” offering an affordable, convenient, and online divorce option. Erin is also the co-founder of Love & Real Life, a platform designed to empower women by helping them to craft postnuptial and prenuptial agreements that comport with their values and way of life. Her awarding winning legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond – with recent features in Above the Law, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Ozy, Brit + Co, and Mind Body Green.  Resources & Links:Erin’s websiteErin on InstagramErin on Twitter Erin on PinterestErin on FacebookErin on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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