ART of Feminine NEGOTIATION

In this episode, Cindy and R.T. discuss: Taking the time to heal and maintaining our life’s mission during this time of healing. The Seven Submariner Principles that allow us to dive into the depths and always rise again. Understanding where you sit on the emotional plain and looking up. The power for women as they continue to rise above the surface.   Key Takeaways: Whenever you are bonding something, there is a healing period to connect the pieces together. We can heal and bond the  It’s not about the uniform, it is about embodying the characteristics of our life. We can’t control the ocean, but we own the vessel and how it is controlled regardless of what is happening with the water. We need to have good data on ourselves. We are the vessel of our own vision. Regardless of someone’s beliefs of philosophies, nobody deserves to struggle in the depths. Reach out. Push yourself away from your comfort zone, and just help one another.    "Whatever you do, don’t count the days. Focus on making every day count." —  R.T. Stokes Connect with R.T. Stokes:Twitter: @rtstokesriseFacebook: RT StokesInstagram: @rtstokesriseWebsite: RTStokes.comYouTube: RT StokesLinkedIn: R.T. Stokes Book: The Relentless Rise: Break Through the Surface to Reach Your Greatest Self Get your free Woman on Purpose Blueprint E-Book- How to find your true purpose and become a woman who lives fully, on purpose, every day   CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca  Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson  Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast-2/  Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1  YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT  Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca   Schedule an appointment with Cindy- https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min

In this episode, Cindy and Marcela discuss: What priestess power is and the feminine energy within each of us. Harnessing the sacred rage as a powerful tool for good.  The power we all have and the profound, powerful effects of us stepping forward individually and in our communities. How we can tap in and harness our feminine energy and sacred feminine rage.   Key Takeaways: It is part of our duty to be part of the solution. We are born as we are for a reason. COVID-19, regardless of the reasons for it, is a chance for a global reset and a chance for us all to start realizing our impact and tune in to Earth. Slow down and witness the magic and majesty that is the natural world.  We are perfectly imperfect. We need to honor our humanness and how we feel. Our feelings are our superpower.     "Ask the question “What is mine to give?” then follow the guidance." —  Marcela McBride   Connect with Marcela McBride:Facebook: Temple of the Mystic Priestess & Marcela McBride: Priestess Path Mentor and Spiritual GuideWebsite: MarcelaMcBride.comYouTube: Marcela McBride Free Priestess Checklist   Get your free Woman on Purpose Blueprint E-Book- How to find your true purpose and become a woman who lives fully, on purpose, every day   Get your free E-Book- 5 Secret Weapons to More Effective Negotiations   CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson  Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast-2/  Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1  YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT  Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca   Schedule an appointment with Cindy- https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min

In this episode, Cindy and Yvonne discuss: In this episode, Cindy and Yvonne discuss: Global grief arising from COVID-19. How we came to be a grief-phobic society. How we can pivot to gain coping skills to deal with grief in the face of COVID-19. 10 tips on how to navigate the new ‘normal’, including: Acknowledge and allow your feelings. And then, choose not to stay there. Be informed without obsessing Be the best example you know Check in with yourself and what you need Reframe your calls to action – language matters Tap into your passion and purpose Spring clean, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally Fill your life with happy Perform random acts of kindness daily Just show up (first for yourself, and then others)    "Be the nicest person you know and make random acts of kindness part of everyday." —  Yvonne Heath  Connect with Yvonne Heath:Twitter: @_lyltd_Facebook: Love Your Life to DeathInstagram: @loveyourlifetodeathWebsite: LoveYourLifeToDeath.com  Book: Love Your Life to Death: How to Plan and Prepare for End of Life so You Can Live Fully NowTedx Talk: Transforming Our Grief by Just Showing UpYouTube: Love Your Life to DeathLinkedIn: Yvonne Heath   Get your free Woman on Purpose Blueprint E-Book- How to find your true purpose and become a woman who lives fully, on purpose, every day CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast/ Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca   Schedule an appointment with Cindy- https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Eliminating Ego from your bargaining, or at least handling it better. How ego can show up in negotiation.  Knowing your objectives with clarity. Collaborating for better results than either would have imagined.   Key Takeaways: Effective negotiation is about securing desired outcomes, not beating the other party.  Concentrating on the win over the objectives often leads to worse results. Preparation includes consideration of your body line and best alternatives. You don’t want to risk losing sight of your real, sought after outcome. Everyday we get to wake up with new awareness and make new choices allowing us to level up to being the best negotiators we can be.    "If you focus on dominating the dialogue, you miss the opportunity to use silence to your advantage." —  Cindy Watson   Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom   CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson  Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast-2/  Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1  YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT  Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca   Schedule an appointment with Cindy - https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min

In this episode, Cindy discusses: What the acronym F.E.A.R. stands for and how it affects negotiation. How our confidence changes our approach in negotiation. Most popular fear factors and why you want to avoid them in bargaining. Limiting beliefs that can hold you back from your limitless future.   Key Takeaways: The words we say are only a small part of our communications and bargaining. Fear drops your energy and your ability to maintain clarity. Underachievers and overachievers alike often have a fear of failure. When you can name your fear you can fight it, or you can use it to fuel you.   "Fear will tank your confidence, which, in turn, will tank your credibility and persuasiveness." —  Cindy Watson    Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom   CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson  Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast-2/  Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1  YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT  Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca    

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Holding up your beliefs, examining them, and questioning them. The quality of assertiveness. The key traits identified as making a great negotiator. Social conditioning and women of all ages.   Key Takeaways: There is more to being a negotiator than just assertiveness including: rapport building, empathy, flexibility, intuition, and trustworthiness. Five out of six of the key skills identified as marking great negotiators are traits that most would consider feminine. Feminine considered skills, such as the concept of women’s intuition, can be really important to build trust in a negotiation. Women tend to hold themselves back more than men. This is why it is so important to work on your own mindset.   "Assertiveness does not equal aggressiveness. Assertiveness comes from confidence; confidence comes from knowledge; knowledge comes from preparation. In fact, 45% of your success in a negotiation will come from your preparation." —  Cindy Watson   Click here to order your Purpose Planner a planner designed by women, for women.   CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website:  www.womenonpurpose.ca Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email:  cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com

In this episode, Cindy discusses:       How should I react to the Coronavirus?       What you resist persists       What if the consequences of giving into the fear are greater than the consequences of the virus?       What's a small way you can choose to serve?   Key Takeaways:       Acknowledge what you are feeling, and then choose to focus on hope and possibility       Negotiate your mindset. Choose to reach for a better reality       chose to pull together to serve each other from a mindset of abundance and generosity       It's impossible to stay in a state of fear, anger, resentment, etc. While in a state of gratitude   "We've endured much worse in our human experience. And through our worst moments in human history, we've survived by coming together, embracing our fundamental humanity choosing to see gifts in the face of extreme adversity and sharing that light with others. " —  Cindy Watson    CONNECT WITH CINDY: Website: www.womenonpurpose.ca Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/thecindywatson Show: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/media/podcast/ Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 YouTube: http://bit.ly/WomenonPurposeYT Email:  cindy@womenonpurpose.ca  Make an appointment with Cindy: https://calendly.com/cwatson-3/60min TRANSCRIPT: Welcome to this bonus episode of The Art of feminine negotiation boardroom to the bedroom. I felt compelled to share this with you given the current panic around the corona virus pandemic and these are just my thoughts on how to negotiate the coronavirus for yourself. Maybe give you a little extra comfort, or at least a different perspective.  These are tough times for all of us. let me acknowledge that right out of the gate. You've no doubt felt any combination of fear, disappointment, grief, chaos, angsty, maybe even rage over the last few weeks in the wake of the corona virus pandemic. And that's okay. We all have. It's important to acknowledge that and to give voice to it. It's valuable to band together as a community and be able to share without fear of judgment. Give yourself and others permission to feel whatever feelings arise. And I also invite you to make a decision not to stay there. Acknowledge these feelings, by all means, then choose to focus on hope, possibility, the power and resilience of humanity, acts of service and generosity. Those of you who know me know I believe that all of life is a negotiation, and that the most important negotiation to start with is the one with yourself.  So in this challenging time, I invite you to negotiate your mindset. I invite you to choose not to stay in a place of single-minded focus on the virus. What you resist persists. Where your focus goes, energy flows, your thoughts and the meaning you give them create your reality. Why not choose to reach for a better reality? Are you scrambling to find safety in the face of uncertainty? Sure, you're not alone, we're all feeling our way through mounds of information inundating us, some accurate, much not. And as you're bombarded with news around the world and around the clock, it can seem like the crisis is consuming you. The situation seems to be changing so rapidly like walking on quicksand. You're looking for solid ground, I get it. I invite you to consider- what if the way to solid ground is to push past the fear chaos and thanks? What if the consequences of giving into the fear are greater than the consequences of the virus? Something to think about. What if the only way forward is to focus on possibility over problems? Now, I'm not talking about putting your head in the sand. I'm not talking about some Pollyanna pie in the sky avoidance tactic. I get that the impact on the economy is significant. And people are losing their jobs and fearful for their loved ones and feeling isolated and alone in all of this. But what if, instead of retreating in self-preservation mode, we chose to pull together to serve each other from a mindset of abundance and generosity? What if we embodied the best of our humanity? What if instead of hoarding toilet paper, we dropped off rolls to our neighbors? You know, my husband has a portable toilet rental business, and he's offered to drop off rolls of toilet paper to anyone in need. Even though his own supplier is currently sold out, he chooses to believe, to give to serve, even in that small way. What's a small step you can take to serve? I invite you to ask yourself that question. We can control external circumstances. We certainly can't as individuals control the coronavirus. We can control how we choose to react. And it is a choice. Challenges provide opportunities, opportunities to be our best self, to lead to support those in need more than us to care for and about each other.  You know, we've endured much worse in our human experience. And through our worst moments in human history, we've survived by coming together, embracing our fundamental humanity, choosing to see gifts in the face of extreme adversity and sharing that light with others. I heard a beautiful quote today and It's worth sharing. I can't find the source. But here's the quote, between stimulus and response there is space, in that space is our power to choose our response in our response lies, our growth and our freedom. I love that it really resonated with me. So let's take the corona virus pandemic is your current stimulus, you have the space to choose how you'll respond. And there's power in that space, your growth and ultimately your freedom lives in that space and the choices you make there. remind yourself of the things you can be grateful for now, in this moment, breathe that in. Let yourself come to a grounded place. Share from that place from a place of connectedness, peace, optimism, love and light. Feel the freedom in that.  Maybe we need to flip our story to ask better questions, instead of “Why is this happening?” or “What's gonna happen to me and my family?” We could ask how can I best show up and step up? Who can I serve? what lessons can I learn and share? What opportunities are waiting for me to discover them? And how can I be even more healthy? Can you feel the difference in that?  As you juggle the stressors of kids home from school or your work shut down, or not risk a loved one, or cancel travel plans or entertainment or whatever your current blade in the gut is, take a moment to identify where you feel it, find it in your body. at first blush, it might seem like it's all encompassing or generalized. But if you let yourself focus, you'll be able to hone in on a particular spot in your body where you feel the eggs most intensely. Maybe your gut, or solar plexus, or throat or chest or temple or somewhere else for you. When you find it, focus on it. focus on making it smaller. visualize it shrinking down and imagine sending it away, watching it received far into the distance until it's a tiny speck that disappears. Now breathe deeply in for a count of four.  Hold for four, out for a count of four. And while you're breathing focus on something you're grateful for. It's impossible to stay in a state of fear, anger, resentment, etc. While in a state of gratitude. Remind yourself preferably out loud, but in your head if circumstances don't allow otherwise, you are totally responsible for your reactions. And why not choose to react with grace?  The beauty of this mindset shift is that it's never too late to adopt it. No need to beat yourself up. If you haven't been showing up as your best self. You're not alone. We have to love our perfect imperfection as humans. To show grace and compassion to others, we need to first be able to show it to ourselves.  So if you've been scared or angry, that's okay. As per that quote above that I shared if this post is a stimulus, you now have the gift of a space before you respond. Your growth and freedom lies in that response. And the beauty is that the choice is all yours. So whatever you decide, know that I am sending you love and light in these difficult times. And I hope you choose to share a message of love, and light as well in whatever way resonates with you.  I expect this episode may trigger some pushback, share your thoughts. Heck Better yet, share the episode with your friends, spread the word, get people talking about it. If you got some value from this episode, or if it got you thinking, make sure to subscribe to the show if you haven't yet. And feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. That's a wrap for this episode.  And until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve, from the boardroom to the bedroom.

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Where the fear of rejection, of getting a “no” comes from and how it affects us as adults. Shifting your mindset to embracing the “no.” Stretching your boundaries and moving outside of your comfort zone. Going for the “no” and using that as momentum in your tasks.   Key Takeaways: Only through persistence and “failures” can we find success. “Sticks and stones can break my bones but no can never hurt me.” If you do the thing you fear, the fear will go away.  The fear of the unknown can be a powerful inhibitor. Going for a “no” answer is liberating! There is no wasted energy, wasted time, or wasted chances.    "As kids, we seemed less afraid of the word no, less afraid of failure. As kids, we got the message that if we were persistent enough, we'd get what we want. But somewhere along the line that got beaten out of us and we became afraid of rejection of those nos. Turns out that perhaps our instincts as kids were better on this front." —  Cindy Watson  Click here to get your free E-Book "No F.E.A.R. Negotiations" How to negotiate effectively without Fear, Ego, Attachment or Reactivity to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom  CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website:  www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email:  cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com   Full Transcript below: Overcoming Fear of Negotiation by Going For the ‘No’ What do I mean by that? Well before we get there,  Do you break out in a sweat at the idea of having to negotiate on your own behalf for something you really want? If so, you’re not alone. Lots of people do … and women especially. Why is that? If you stress about negotiating, why the resistance? What holds you back from being the incredibly effective negotiator you could be?   I’m going to go out on a limb and posit that one factor holding you back is likely your fear of rejection … of getting a ‘no’. Where does that come from? What happened to our childhood ability to pester the heck out of our parents to get what we want? Remember those days? As kids, we seemed less afraid of the word ‘no’. Less afraid of failure. As kids, we got the message that if we were persistent enough, we’d get what we want. But somewhere along the line that got beaten out of us and we became afraid of rejection, of those ‘no’s’.  It turns out that perhaps our instincts as kids were better on this front.   Let’s explore the concept of failure for a moment. Thomas Edison ‘failed’ (let me put that word failed in air quotes) at creating the light bulb countless times before succeeding. In fact, it was only through those so-called failures, and his persistence and willingness to fail that he achieved success. Is he known for the purported failures? No. He’s lauded as a genius. Similarly, Abraham Lincoln purportedly failed twice in business and lost 8 out of 10 elections before becoming President of the United States. Do people remember Lincoln for those failures? No. He’s credited with abolishing slavery and considered by many to be one of … if not ‘the’ most influential U.S President in history. What if women suffragists had given up fighting for the right to vote after being told ‘no’? What if abolitionists like Harriet Tubman and the countless other brave women and men who fought against slavery had given up when told ‘no’?  You get the idea. What if your fear of failure, of rejection, of hearing the word ‘no’ is the very thing standing between you and your best self? Between you and your kick-ass negotiator? Between you and getting what you deserve – from the boardroom to the bedroom? Maybe what you need is a simple mindset shift. I invite you to take one of your age-old childhood adages and modify it to fit your needs today? Try on “sticks and stones may break my bones but ‘no’ can never hurt me”. Recognize that your failures are the bricks on the pathway to success. In fact, the only way to success is typically through failure. It’s through your failures that you learn, improve, grow and ultimately succeed. Maybe you just need to be willing to fail better. If you accept that fear of hearing ‘no’ is a factor contributing to your resistance to embracing negotiation, and we know that the best way to desensitize ourselves to the word is to get used to it, then how might we achieve that? How might you experience it so often that it loses its power over you? It’s said that if you do the thing you fear, the fear will go away. I’m not sure that’s always accurate. I bungy-jumped 4X – forward, backward, elevator (feet first) and tandem (with a buddy) and I can’t say the fear disappeared. But I did it. It got easier. If that’s the case, it makes imminent sense that you take active steps to numb yourself to the word ‘no’. Each time I jumped, I got a little more numb to the abject terror of standing on the edge of the bridge and seeing the jagged rocks, too close, below. Surely, if we can get numb to that, we can handle getting used to that little two-letter word: ‘no’. Because at the very least, the element of ‘unknown’ disappears, and fear of the unknown can be a powerful inhibitor. No doubt exposing yourself to receiving more ‘no’s in your life requires you to get outside your comfort zone. I was reminded of the limiting effects of comfort zones on a beach recently when I became entranced watching a hermit crab by my chair. It would pop up from its hole in the sand and skitter a few inches to the side, then stop. But as soon as each wave started toward shore the hermit crab scurried back to cower in its bunker, even though the waves never once came up to its hiding spot – not even close. I watched that poor little crab for ages and it never ventured more than a half-foot away from its hole. I could feel its desire. But I also felt its fear outweigh that desire over and over again. It made me realize that we lull ourselves into believing that our comfort zones are safe, when in reality they are self-imposed prisons. Those comfort zones will shrink and eventually suffocate us if we don’t venture outside them and risk living.  Do you want to live your life playing safe in a little comfort zone that never stretches your boundaries, that gets smaller and smaller so you can never be the biggest, best possible version of yourself? What if, instead, you made a commitment … today … to step outside your comfort zone? Are you open to the possibility of welcoming failure as a way to take you to the next level? To condition yourself to learn to hear ‘no’? What if, instead of avoiding rejection, you committed to seek rejection? Sounds crazy, right? But what if, in thinking about failure, rejection, and ‘no’, you opted to turn the paradigm on its head and instead of fearing it, you looked forward to it as a source of empowerment?   How? The answer is so simple it’s brilliant in its simplicity. Ask. Ask. Ask. Pick practice areas in your life where you’re willing to trial asking for what you want. And here’s the key. Don’t be tied or attached to getting a ‘yes’. In fact, as proposed by Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton in their bestselling book, Go For No, instead of going for ‘yes’, actively go for ‘no’. Embrace the possibility of multiple rejections and set your targets for how many ‘no’ answers you need to get the number of ‘yes’ answers you want.     Sound confusing? Let me give you a simple example. If you want 10 new clients this week (or sales, or donations to a cause, or whatever you may be seeking) and you know that you’re likely to only get 10% of those you canvas to say ‘yes’, then don’t set your sights on achieving 10 yeses, but instead, flip that thought process on its head and set your goal to get 100 ‘no’s. That way, even as you get some ‘yeses’, you don’t slow down. You keep going for the ‘no’s. And when you hit the ‘no’s (as you invariably will), it won’t stop you – you won’t see it as failure because you’re going for those ‘no’s. In addition to desensitizing yourself to the ‘no’s, think how much more likely you are to hit a higher level. Better yet, you’ll lose all the angst and wasted negative energy that comes from being afraid of the rejection, afraid of the ‘no’s. Go for the no. It’s liberating. Such a simple concept and such a powerful tool to be able to get through that fear of failure to the fabulous success that’s waiting for you on the other side. Are you willing to put yourself out there and go for that ‘no’? To push past that fear of failure? Push past that fear of getting a ‘no’, knowing that your success lies on the other side of it. Once you desensitize yourself to hearing ‘no’ and rid yourself of that fear, look out world … you’ll be ready to level up to step into your power as the formidable negotiator you’re ready to be. I hope you got some value from that. If so, make sure to subscribe to the show. And share it with friends who you think would benefit and enjoy it. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. If fear of ‘no’ – or any other fears – hold you back from being your best negotiator and advocate, then let me gift you my No F.E.A.R book. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That’s a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life on your terms, so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.      

In this episode, Cindy discusses: Diplomacy in personal relationships. Skills required in diplomacy and how to utilize them. How active listening and openly voicing your needs are keys to communication. Quick tips to navigate the choppy waters of difficult conversations.   Key Takeaways: You ARE FIT to be a great negotiator: Assertiveness, Rapport building, Empathy, Flexibility, Intuition, and Trustworthiness. You can take the high road to get even higher results. If you don’t ask for what you need, you won’t get your needs met! Make sure there is reciprocity in your relationship. You are a partnership, both parties must be involved.    "Strong communication in the family room equals increased sexual satisfaction in the bedroom." —  Cindy Watson   Click here to get  your free E-Book 5 Secret Weapons to More Effective Negotiations  CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website:  www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email:  cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com   Full Transcript below: Negotiating Your Relationship with Your Partner People typically think of diplomacy as an important skill in international relations but don’t think to apply it to personal relationships. Yet consider Winston Churchill’s famous quip, “Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to hell in a way that they’ll ask for directions.” Imagine how useful that ability would be in certain relationships. The dating phase of my life comes to mind. The good news is that diplomacy isn’t an obscure unknowable secret designed only for Secretaries of State and their like. In fact, diplomacy involves many of the skills we’ve already explored in earlier episodes, including assertiveness, rapport-building, empathy, flexibility, intuition and trustworthiness. (Just remember our A.R.E F.I.T acronym.) Once you start applying these skills in your relationship with your significant other, you’ll see profound improvement in your relationship. Imagine the shift in your relationship dynamic if, instead of being reactive or operating on pure emotion, you could take a beat, and tap into your intuition. Ask yourself, “what’s really driving this issue – for me and for my partner?” Ask yourself what their unstated needs are. Bring empathy to the table, putting yourself in their shoes before you wade in. Stay conscious of whether a particular approach will build or destroy trust and rapport. That does not mean you need to be a doormat. As always, ensure that there’s reciprocity. You need to get as good as you give. You can be assertive while still employing your natural feminine negotiation strengths, with intention, in your discussions, debates and yes, even your arguments. The beauty is that with the ARE FIT model of negotiation you’ll be more persuasive and have greater influence. You’ll have more power, not less. You can take the high road to get even higher results. Strong communication is key as well. In fact, strong communication in the family room equals increased sexual satisfaction in the bedroom. So it’s no wonder couples’ counselors focus on communication skills between partners. Don’t fret if this hasn’t been a strong suit in your relationship to date. It’s never too late to improve those all-important communication skills. Let’s start with a reminder that if you don’t ask for what you need, you likely won’t get your needs met. News flash: most people aren’t mind-readers. Don’t wait, hoping that your partner will magically intuit what you want and need. Don’t assume that if they really loved you, they’d know. Admit it, you’ve had those thoughts sometimes – that niggling resentment that your partner doesn’t just ‘know’. We all have. Exorcise that demon. Banish it from your thought patterns. Start practicing to ask for what you want. Say what you mean and mean what you say. On the flip side, make sure you master the art of active listening. And while you’re at it, recognize that we all communicate in different ways. You may be a great verbal communicator. Your partner may not be – they may try to communicate in other ways. You need to be open to receive those messages, even if it sometimes seems like an alien life form has landed in your life with an unrecognizable language. Speaking of language, also be mindful of the five languages of love (from the book of the same name). The concept is that we all have different ways that we like to give and receive love (our love language). The five languages are: (i) words of affirmation; (ii) acts of service; (iii) receiving/giving gifts; (iv) quality time; and (v) physical touch. When couples don’t speak the same language of love, it can cause miscommunication, tension and lack of connection. Take my situation for example. My husband is a words of affirmation and acts of service guy. In trying to show he loves me, his words of affirmation include telling me I look great when I look like hell on toast and bragging on everything I make – from Kraft Dinner to gourmet fare equally. When we were scrapping, he’d invariably do the dishes or laundry – his ‘acts of service’ demonstration of love. But I didn’t see it that way. For the longest time it drove me nuts. I hated that he told me I looked great when I didn’t because then it made all his compliments empty to me. Likewise, raves about gourmet felt insincere. Why bother? I didn’t know what I could trust. Besides, I wanted quality time and physical intimacy. And so the seeds of resentment sprouted – until we were able to recognize that we each had different languages of love and communicated to come to some understanding and compromises around that. You need to determine your own language of love and your partners. Even if your partner’s language doesn’t match your needs, at least you’ll recognize their effort when you see it. That can mean more than you think. At least as a starting point. And if you’ve taken one of my programs you’ll know to ask for what you want. You’ll be able to talk about it with your partner, ask for what you need and make sure you know what they need. Imagine what a paradigm shift that can be. If you’re looking for more practical advice, here’s some quick tips to help you navigate the choppy water of those difficult conversations that inevitably come up in a relationship. Get comfortable. Especially, if it’s a difficult topic you’re going to tackle, make sure to get comfortable.   Remember your 5 W’s – who, what, where, when and why. Consider the ‘where’. Is this a bedroom conversation, a dinner table conversation, or a ‘while we’re cuddled up watching T.V conversation? Don’t underestimate the impact of where the conversation happens. Also, consider the ‘when’. While your partner is watching the final moments of a tense Superbowl is probably not a good time to broach your concern about lack of intimacy. If your partner is facing a crisis of confidence because they just got fired, consider whether it’s the best time to raise the fact that you want some alone time or girlfriend time in Italy. Consider your ‘why’ and the ‘why’ of your partner. What’s really motivating you, beyond the stated issue? Why is this issue important to you? And what’s really behind your partner’s resistance? If you haven’t heard my 5 W’s series, let me gift you my ebook on the subject. Just grab the link from the show notes.   Give your partner your full attention. This may seem obvious but we rarely do it. In our busy lives today, we don’t take the time we should to really connect meaningfully. Put down distractions – including your cell phone. Make eye contact. I’m not talking about staring them down. But show them you’re there. You’re engaged. And it also let’s them know you’re not afraid to face your partner.   Pay attention to your body language. Use it to create connection – especially if the topic is one that’s likely to push them away or create distance. Lean in towards them a bit.   Use ‘I’ statements, especially as an opener to the conversation. I don’t mean “I hate it when you …” No. You need to own your own feelings or reactions. “I feel this when this happens.” Using ‘I’ language shows that you accept responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviour. It avoids the blame game and minimizes the chance that your partner will get their back up.   Use questions effectively. Use open questions to elicit your partner’s perceptions, thoughts, and feelings (i.e. questions that don’t allow for a yes/no answer, but instead force your partner to offer more information). Use confirming questions to let them know you’re listening and really hearing them (i.e. “what I hear you saying is …”. Use hypothetical questions for problem solving (i.e “what if we were to …”).   Don’t interrupt. Again, that may seem obvious, but we often feel the urge to interrupt when we think we know what they’re going to say or when they seem obviously off-base. Resist the urge. Use active listening skills. Even if – especially if – you disagree with what they’re saying. Listen. Stay open. Remember the goal is to improve open, honest communication.   Treat the conversation as if there are three of you in the room – you, your partner, and the relationship. Recognize that sometimes what’s best for you, or your partner, may not be what’s best for the relationship. That doesn’t mean you sacrifice your needs for the relationship. But you need to be aware of it. Make informed decisions.   Practice these tips but always make sure there’s reciprocity in your relationship. It doesn’t help if you’re taking the high road, and your partner refuses to grow with you. But also be prepared to teach them if necessary. Don’t expect them to just notice your change in approach and to emulate you. You may need to teach them how to change their communication approach. Think about a conversation you need to have with your significant other. I invite you to try to implement these tips. Plan it. Go over the conversation in your mind and consider how you might apply each principle with forethought. Plan your opening. Consider your questions. Consider the where and when. It just may change your communication dynamic in profound and unexpected ways. I hope you can see some value in applying some of these ideas. If so, make sure share it with friends who you think would benefit and enjoy it. Invite them to subscribe for the show. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. And as I mentioned, if you’re interested in more info on my 5 W’s technique (and trust me it can be a game-changer) then let me gift you my 5 Secret Weapons ebook. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That’s a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life on your terms, so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.   

In this episode, Cindy discusses: The gender biases in society and internally. How identifying ourselves changed results in studies.  How women underperform as an outward expression of our internal biases. The effects of stereotypes on both genders.   Key Takeaways: In many studies, the mere idea of identifying as a woman often makes people underperform. This shows an outward example of the destructive power of those limiting beliefs. Men are pressured, just as women are, to perform in a way they may not feel internally.  One group rising does not have to be at the expense of the other group - the only way to break the destructive pattern of gender stereotypes is to recognize and free men and women both from the stereotypes. Let’s start by kick-starting the dialogue on this episode so, together, we can begin to overcome the gender gap!    "So women, are you ready to bust through your limiting beliefs, have a voice, and rise up? Are you also open to the possibility that to do that, maybe we need to be sensitive to also reversing the stereotypes and conditioning we carry around the men in our life?" —  Cindy Watson Get your free Woman on Purpose Blueprint E-Book- How to find your true purpose and become a woman who lives fully, on purpose, every day  CONNECT WITH CINDY: Twitter:  https://twitter.com/womenonpurpose1 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/womenonpurposecommunity/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenonpurposecoaching/ Website:  www.womenonpurpose.caShow: https://www.womenonpurpose.ca/podcasts-cindy-watson/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHOGOsk0bkijtwq8aRrtdA LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthia-watson-7b89232b/ Email:  cwatson@watsonlabourlaw.com   Full Transcript below: Bridging The Gender Gap There’s debate about whether Polar caps are melting, whether polar bears are at risk, and whether a Polar Express really picks up kids in the middle of the night on Christmas eve to take them to the North Pole. But the more concerning debate right now is whether men and women are getting increasingly polarized and at risk of reaching a fatal tipping point in the balance of power from which the sexes can’t recover. Fake news or real-world problems? What do you think? We often hear about gender bias and usually assume it means bias imposed by men against women. But what about women’s own internal biases? Study after study has shown that when women are primed based on their gender they perform worse. What do I mean by that? In a study of a group of young women taking a math test, where half the control group was asked to identify their gender – just identify whether they’re male or female – that half performed worse than the half who didn’t have to identify their gender. In fact, in a Harvard study of Asian-American students, the young women performed better when they had to identify their ethnicity but worse when they had to identify their gender. Similarly, a national U.S study of students taking AP calculus showed that the young women who were asked to identify their gender before the test performed worse than those asked the question after. This result held true even in studies when the priming was subconscious. In other words, in another Harvard study, even when ‘feminine’ words (like lipstick, pink or doll), were subliminally flashed unbeknownst to the participants, those primed with the feminine words performed worse than those primed with neutral words. Let’s think about that for a moment. If the mere idea of identifying as a woman somehow makes us under-perform and not achieve our actual potential or capabilities, what does that say about the limiting beliefs girls and women have internalized about their gender? Think of the destructive power of these beliefs. It goes even further. Not only do studies confirm that our performance is negatively impacted, but some studies support that our very ideas about what we’re even interested in can be manipulated by gender priming. For example, in a joint Toronto and Boston psychology study, female undergraduate students who were subliminally flashed with images of women not visible to the naked eye in advance of answering a questionnaire, ended up expressing a preference for arts over math whereas those who had been primed with neutral images did not. When I thought about these studies, it made me wonder, how many times have I held myself back or pursued a path that may not have been my heart’s desire without being aware of it. Can you think of a time or times when maybe you underperformed even though you knew your stuff cold and you weren’t sure why, or maybe you stopped yourself from asking for more money, or you let someone take your idea, or held your tongue till you thought it might bleed, or maybe just doubted yourself and held back from going for something big? Why does this happen? Where does this come from? And how does it affect the workplace, relationships, and your ability to negotiate your life? Consider that gender biases and priming work both ways. Women, it seems, are primed to feel ‘less than’. But men are primed too. Studies suggest that still today, even elementary school-aged young boys are already primed about what it means to be ‘a man’. If a box is drawn on the blackboard and described as the ‘man box’, and the young boys are asked to describe the kinds of attributes that should go inside this box – in other words, that make a ‘man’ – invariably they lay out a host of old-school stereotypical characterizations of men. Like stud, strong, doesn’t cry, loves sports, takes charge. In other words, an image of hyper-masculinity. How many of the men in your life – or for the men out there listening in today - have felt pressure to act a particular way or ‘show up’ a certain way that may not have reflected how they felt at that moment, or maybe at all. Have you ever noticed that forced posturing in your father, partner, sons or other men in your life? For the men out there, have you been guilty of that posturing? ‘So what?’ some women may say. ‘Boo hoo – poor men made to feel like dominant over-performers.’ How does that compare to a lifetime of being made to feel like a submissive ‘not enough’? Maybe we need to rethink how we look at this. Maybe it’s time to start reframing the problem – or at least broadening the lens. Clearly it’s problematic and unacceptable that women are (and have been) systematically conditioned not to reach their full potential. We’re faced with a host of limiting beliefs imposed upon us before our first tooth breaks through our tender gums. But isn’t imposing an expectation of hyper-masculinity on boys before they lose their toothless grins just another form of limiting beliefs? The tide is changing now. People can feel it. We have the MeToo! movement, the Women Rising movement, the Times Up! movement. We see men getting roasted at the Oscars. With it, we’re seeing a lot of finger-pointing and blaming on both sides. And the very fact that we’re describing it as ‘sides’ is telling. We’re, perhaps not surprisingly, seeing a lot of push-back – an ‘us and them’ polarization building in some quarters. But what if we consider that it doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game? What if it doesn’t have to be a win-loss? What if one group rising doesn’t need to be at the expense of the other group? Maybe, in fact, the only way to break the destructive pattern of the damaging gender stereotypes and free women from these shackles they’ve borne, passed down generation after generation, is to recognize and similarly free men from the parallel shackles they’ve borne from their own damaging gender stereotypes. Women – are you ready to bust through your limiting beliefs, have a voice and rise up? Are you also open to the possibility that to do that, we need to be sensitive to also reversing the stereotypes and conditioning we carry around the men in our life? I suspect there will be a host of mixed reactions to this suggestion. From acknowledgment to curiosity to doubt to confusion to anger. That’s okay. It’s important to at least start the dialogue if we have any hope of making change – and hopefully making progress. In fact, I invite to kick-start the dialogue. Comment on this episode. Share your thoughts. Heck, better yet, share the episode with your friends. Spread the word. Get people talking about it.  If you got some value from this episode or it got you thinking, make sure to subscribe to the show. Feel free to grab the script in our show notes if you want to review this content another way. For the women listening who feel that maybe you’ve held yourself back in some way from living your life on your terms, fully on purpose and with purpose, let me gift you my How to be a Woman On Purpose Blueprint book. You can grab it through the link in our show notes or on our website at www.womenonpurpose.ca That’s a wrap for this episode. Until next time, go forth and negotiate your best life so you can stop missing out and start getting more of what you want and deserve … from the boardroom to the bedroom.