Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts. In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to be. Dr Foulkes has a fascinating take on mental health and whether our well-intentioned conversations around the subject, especially in schools and on social media, might have gone too far; creating confusion or even anxiety for parents and young people. If you want a nuanced, evidence-based discussion that will help you support your teen with more confidence and less fear you've found it.Dr. Lucy Foulkes:  BooksWhat Mental Illness Really Is (…and what it isn’t) Coming Of Age: How Adolescence Shapes Us,Website: https://www.lucyfoulkes.com/Book recommended: The End of Trauma by George BonannoIt’s important not to pathologize normal adolescent struggles. Not all teenagers have mental health problems. Most are resilient and functioning well. All distress should be taken seriously, not just clinical disorders.Increased mental health awareness only helps if there is proper back-up and support for those who really need it.Mental health terms are often misunderstood. Words like “OCD” are often used casually, diluting their meaning and making it harder for those with real disorders to be understood and supported.The narrative that phones and social media are causing a mental health crisis is oversimplified and often exaggerated (as in Jonathan Haidt’s work). Parental engagement and open conversations matter. The best approach is to guide teens in managing technology, set consistent family rules, and model healthy behavior, rather than banning devices or demonizing their use.Both online and offline experiOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up? In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement.Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few resources exist to help parents navigate the transition from authority figure to trusted ally.  *Research shows that about one in four American adults—27%—report estrangement from a family member. Notably, 26% of adult children have experienced estrangement from a father, compared to only 6% from a mother—and many of these rifts eventually heal.We discuss why adult children might cut ties with parents, and what we can do now—while our kids are tweens or teens—to build a strong, lasting relationship.We cover:The most common reasons adult children become estranged from their parentsThe key mistakes parents make (and how to avoid them)How to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into adulthoodThe impact of parental expectations, grief, and cultural pressures on family bondsPractical strategies for fostering trust, open communication, and unconditional loveReal-life stories of reconciliation and hopeCatherine Hickem brings decades of experience working with thousands of families, offering actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement.CATHERINE HICKEM:https://www.parentingadultchildrentoday.com/https://www.instagram.com/parentingadultchildrentoday/Research sources:A longitudinal U.S. study (Reczek et al.), Cornell's Fault Lines project, and the YouGov poll conducted in 2022. OtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.  Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable. The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.' In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route.There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed.Content - what people can accessContact - who they can be put in contact withConsumerism - selling to young and vulnerable mindsConduct - the way they behave in a digital environmentIn this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them.The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR:We need to beConsistent in our rulesPersistent in their applicationResistent to the begging of our kidsPersonally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to cOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children. Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family.We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment.That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things. Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle.TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE:1. Lead with Empathy, Not AuthorityStart by acknowledging how hard parenting can be."I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience, not a hierarchy.2. Ask, Don’t AssumeInstead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation:"Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?" "Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?" This gives them control, which preserves their dignity.3. Share, Don’t InstructFrame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription:"What really helped us was..." "I read something interesting the other day about how teens..."Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements.4. Validate Before You AdviseBefore offering tips, show you understand their situation:"That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried." Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas.5. Focus on Curiosity, Not CriticismYou mightOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin. I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had. She says that when women were told we could have it all, it seems what we really heard was we must do it all. It's been dubbed The Female Paradox and in this episode Dr Goodwin shares her personal struggles balancing career and motherhood. She talks us through how societal expectations haven't really changed, even while women are expected to go out to work, resulting in what's been dubbed the "second shift" of domestic responsibilities. We also explore the Paula Principle, where women often take jobs below their skill level for flexibility to fit in with home life, contrasting it with the Peter Principle where men are promoted above their competence. In spite of the problems, Giselle emphasizes it's vital for women to be in high-level roles for societal representation and equity and the real work needs to be done in discussions about how we divide up the mental and physical labour of or lives.She advises young people to view their careers as a portfolio, adapting to life's seasons, and encourages midlife reassessment.Dr Giselle Goodwin: https://gisellegoodwin.com/BOOK: Can Women Really Have it All?: A Happiness Handbook for Working Mothers Research shows that working mothers experience up to 40% more stress and that women’s happiness has been declining since the 1970s. How do we fix this? Backed by compelling research and packed with actionable suggestions, this groundbreaking book answers the burning questions of working mothers today:Why do so many mothers feel chronically guilty?What actions can women take to improve their own happiness?What changes do we need from society to improve women’s lives?Does working outOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them.One listener contacted us for help  with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions. www.teenagersuntangled.com EXCELLENT WORKSHEET:https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-angerHere are five key tips for handling a teenager with explosive anger:Normalize the emotion: Help your teen understand that anger is a natural signal, not a problem. Explain the brain changes happening during adolescence that can make emotions intense.Create a safe space: Provide a designated area where they can express anger without judgment. This could be a room, a punching bag, or a place to play loud music and release emotions.Develop a trigger awareness strategy: Work together to identify anger triggers. Create a log to track what situations, comments, or environments set off their anger, and develop coping mechanisms.Practice emotional regulation tools: Teach breathing techniques, use a code word (like "Flint") to signal when they're becoming overwhelmed, and help them recognize physical signs of anger building up.Maintain a supportive relationship: Focus on positive reinforcement, listen without trying to immediately fix the problem, and consistently show love and understanding. Avoid punishment during angry outbursts and discuss strategies calmly when they're calm.RESOURCES USED:Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=FOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Featuring Mindfulness expert, Susie AsliHaving kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity.Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle.So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care?READ MY BLOG:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/TOP TIPS:Focus on Connection and a strong relationship with your teenager. Let teens experience the direct results of their actions. Consequences should be clear, time-limited, and directly related to changing the specific behavior.Involve Teenagers in creating consequences.Separate the Behavior from the Person: You love them unconditionally, but don't like the specific behavior.Don't take away activities that support personal development. Always provide context for rules and consequences.Be Consistent and Fair: Follow through with consequences, but remain flexible and understanding.Notice and acknowledge when they do well to build connection and mutual respect.Seek Support if you're finding it challenging to manage your teenager's behavior.RESOURCES USED:https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&targetOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them?According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.He says the common belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to miss what really motivates them, and do some pretty dumb things that don't help.In his book, 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, Yeager - who's ranked as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world - explains how the science of motivating young people can help us to harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset so they're motivated to achieve their best.BOOK:10-25: The Science of Motivating Young PeopleDAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientistyeagerds@austin.utexas.eduTED Talks: Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity?https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=enBooks referenced:The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned JohnsonThe Gift of Failure by Jessica LaheyThrivers by Michele BorbaOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  OtoZen — a new driving safety app OtoZen helps build better habits in real time with voice alerts, drive scores, and safey challenges.Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?More than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents. Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm.Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol? According to research done by Community Alcohol Partnerships, parents often assume their kids are going to drink so they would rather it happened at home. To help us understand the issues, I invited Director of Community Alcohol Partnerships, Kate Winstanley, to talk through what we should be thinking as parents. PRACTICAL TIPS:Encourage sports, hobbies, clubs and social activities that keep your kids active and fulfilled.Teenagers say boredom is a reason for drinking. Encourage them to get a holiday job or volunteer.Establish routines, like mealtimes, that mean you can spend some time together and talk to each other. This helps your child to feel they can come to you if they have a problem.Know the facts and laws about alcohol and can talk in a balanced and constructive way about the pros and cons of drinking.Talk and listen to your teenager. It is important that they hear your views and that you hear theirs.Use everyday opportunities, for example a storyline in a TV programme, as a prompt.Make sure the ground rules are clear. Have consequences for breaking rules and enforce them. READ MY BLOG ON CONSEQUENCES - https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/Know where they’re going and who they’re with.OTHER RELEVANT HELP:PARTIES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parties-for-teens-and-tweens-invitations-gatecrashers-and-alcohol/ALCOHOL: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/CAP: https://www.communityalcoholpartnerships.co.uk/parents-carers/busting-the-mythsTALK ABOUT TRUST: https://talkabouttrust.org/parents-carers/RISKS OF UNOtoZen — a new driving safety appAre you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel? The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits. Support the showThis episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Susie Asley, a mindfulness guru and seasoned parent, shares her insights on deciphering the teenage mind. She discusses the neurological changes that complicate communication between parents and teens, emphasizing the need for reflective conversations. Susie introduces creative strategies like a two-minute discussion limit and the 'super silence' technique to foster genuine dialogue. She also tackles sensitive topics, including relationships and sexual health, encouraging parents to engage openly and supportively with their teens.