Parenting Teenagers Untangled

Ask Rachel anythingThis episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington, we unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.It fits perfectly with the lessons I've been learning as the mother of a badly injured daughter who needs me to stay strong while she gets back on her feet. You can read all about it by clicking hereIn this episode, we cover:What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to itWhy your regulation matters more than any parenting hack“If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating usBehavior, consequences and connectionWhy a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfiresThe shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”Repair: the real superpower in families and classroomsWhy the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repairHow to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually healPractical tools you can use todayThe phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”The “collect before you direct” principleEveryday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interestsHope for worried, exhausted parentsWhy kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.Dr Jody Carrington:https://www.drjodycarrington.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingWho doesn't want a simple answer to their problems? In all honesty I often hope to find one, but it's not really feasible when parenting teenagers. I love talking with experts who give us terrific advice - such as Dr Naomi Fisher and Dr Dominique Thompson - but when it comes to the messy job of parenting it can feel way more complicated in day to day life than we would hope. In this conversation Katherine Radice and Rachel Richards discuss the messy realities; from school being unbearable for our teen to when a group chat turns into a pile-on. We share practical ways to listen without panicking, work with schools, and help young people slow down, make mistakes, and grow.School refusal and taking a pause — Understand why listening to your teenager matters, how to weigh school milestones against their wellbeing, and how to explore alternatives without closing the door on returning.Making parent–school meetings more productive — Learn how sharing key information ahead of time and approaching staff collaboratively can help you understand what support the school can realistically offer.Recognizing when a difficult patch needs action — Spot signs that a problem may be affecting your child more deeply, such as withdrawal or changes in their health, and see why keeping a factual log can help identify patterns.Handling group chats, online conflict, and cancel culture — Get ideas for helping teens pause before replying, avoid escalating online drama, and disagree with someone’s views without attacking their identity.Building resilience through mistakes, shame, and changing views — Explore ways to model openness about difficult feelings, help teens see how they’ve grown, and encourage curiosity and understanding across differences.Episode on bullying teensSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingJust over a week ago, my daughter was badly burned when her hot water bottle split along the seam. She needed specialist care at the Queen Victoria Hospital burns unit which became famous for Archibald McIndoe’s work treating badly burned WWII airmen. Instead of going back to university, she spent her 20th birthday recovering at home, unable to walk.In this community catch-up episode I’ll tell you what happened, what we learned about treating burns, and what I want you to do tonight:If someone gets burned, cool the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes, cover it loosely with cling film, and get medical help.Check your hot water bottle for the daisy wheel symbol. It shows the month and year it was made. If it’s more than two years old, throw it out.Never fill it with boiling water. Let the kettle stand for a few minutes, fill it only two-thirds full, and squeeze out the air before you seal it.Consider a wheat or rice bag instead.I’m also campaigning for every hot water bottle sold in the UK to carry clear warnings and a “throw out by” date.CHILDREN'S BURNS TRUST: https://cbtrust.org.uk/QUEEN VICTORIA HOSPITAL: https://www.qvh.nhs.uk/ADULT BURNS SUPPORT: https://adultburnsupportuk.org/BRITISH BURN ASSOCIATION: https://www.britishburnassociation.org/Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Dr Naomi Fisher is a clinical psychologist specialising in autism, trauma and learning, and author of The Teenager’s Guide to Taking Control of Your Education. She explores emotionally based school avoidance, burnout, demand avoidance, and the complexities of autism and ADHD labels. They discuss school-day stressors, collaboration without coercion, teen-led learning, and rebuilding connection before a return to school.

Ask Rachel anythingHas your teenager come home upset because their friends have suddenly turned against them? Or have you heard that your child is part of a group chat where everyone is being urged to stop talking to someone? When a friendship conflict spreads through a whole group—and onto social media—it can be hard for parents to know what to say, when to step in, and how to help without making things worse.In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by Dr Dominique Thompson, a physician and expert in supporting young people, to explore why teenagers can be so quick to exclude someone, and why it can feel so difficult to stand apart from the group. We talk about the role of peer pressure, black-and-white thinking and social media—and the difference between challenging hurtful behavior and shaming someone.If your child is being ostracized, you’ll hear how to support them, work with the school and help them find other sources of connection. And if you’re worried your teen might be joining in, we discuss how to start a conversation that encourages empathy without simply lecturing or blaming them.We’ll also share practical ways to make home a safe place for difficult conversations—and a simple question that might help a young person pause before they join a pile-on.If this piece has raised anything difficult for you or your child, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 (UK).If you want to read Rachel's expanded thoughts on this topic, click hereDr Dominique ThompsonSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingIt’s one thing hearing what experts think, but I’m always left wondering how their advice translates into the real life of a parent. If you’re wondering too then you’re going to love this chat between Katharine Radice and me. In it, we discuss what was said in my interviews with Dr Leonard Sax and Dr Tara Porter. Basically we cover the reality of setting healthy boundaries around gaming and phones, talking with teens about online risks, choosing supportive schools, mentors & building trust, confidence, and independence—without chasing perfection.Don’t forget to tell us what you think. What helped and what advice deserves to go in the bin?Links mentioned in the show:Rachel Richards website & SubstackKatharine Radice website & SubstackDr. Tara PorterDr. Leonard SaxBrendan Kwiatkowski Melanie SandersonMalcolm GladwellEileen GuAngela DuckworthMitchell OsmondDr. David YaegerSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Dr Leonard Sax, family physician, psychologist and author of Boys Adrift, explores why boys are losing motivation. They discuss schooling, gaming limits, sleep versus ADHD, positive models of manhood, pornography, AI girlfriends and manosphere beliefs. The conversation also examines how parents can help sons reconnect with real-world challenges, relationships and ambition.

Ask Rachel anythingAre you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:An education system caught in a “grade arms race”Social media’s like-and-kudos economyThe professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parentsAgainst this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.Rachel and Tara explore:Rescuing vs building resilienceTwo common struggle patterns in teensThe perfectionist achiever The rebellious non-complier How to set boundaries that still protect the relationshipBetter conversations with teensTara’s two key listening tools:Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.Mental health labels vs hope and growthRachel's personal blog on getting the balance right Dr Tara PorterSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Ask Rachel anythingWe’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see. Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices. The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether.But as Professor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully:“You can’t ban your way out of a mental health crisis. You have to build instead.”In this Wonder Room conversation Katharine Radice and I explore how parents can move beyond panic about phones and toward curious, constructive conversations that help teens feel safe enough to be honest.These are some of the core things we cover in this episode:Shifting focus from the phone to the childPhone use is often a symptom of underlying distress or needs, not the core problem.Moving from monitoring to understandingHours and apps matter less than the quality of your teen’s relationship with their online world and how it makes them feel.Creating conditions for honesty instead of forcing liesAvoid loaded, judgmental questions and big emotional reactions that make teens hide or lie about what they’re doing online.Naming the role of algorithms and external forcesAsk “What is the algorithm feeding you?” to shift some responsibility away from the teen and toward the tech design, making honest conversations safer.Scaffolding self-reflection and self-regulationUse curious questions (“Are you stuck?”, “Any surprises in your screen time?”) to help teens build lifelong skills in reviewing and adjusting their own digital habits.For my Fearless Parenting community members I have gathered the key ideas and given you practical questions you can use tonight with your teen.Katherine has a Substack full of help and ideas for parents of teenagersSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact meInstagramFacebook

Professor Candice Odgers, a developmental psychologist at UC Irvine, explores what research really says about teens, technology and mental health. She tackles the small, mixed effects of social media, why offline stress often predicts online struggles, and how family wellbeing shapes teen distress. They also discuss phone readiness, girls’ body image, connection over surveillance, and why bans miss the bigger picture.