Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

Dive into the challenges of parenting teenagers as they discuss the tricky phases of puberty and body changes. The conversation highlights the importance of open dialogues about sensitive topics like wearing bras. Toxic friendships take center stage, with tips on recognizing unhealthy dynamics and valuing self-worth. The discussion also tackles the term 'pick me girls,' exploring its roots and implications on gender dynamics. This lively exchange spans insights on societal pressures, the quest for authenticity, and the transformative journey of teenage self-discovery.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips.It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone.Here's what Cathy wrote:Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and live away from home for the first time. How about if they don't like their roommate, or they have difficulty sharing a room, or they have problems adjusting academically and or socially to university and they want to come home? Any tips for success?'We’ll be digging into those questions and more. We’ll look at the dropout rates to get an idea of what goes wrong.what challenges students face — from social pressure to mental health — and what you can do now to prepare your teen not just to survive university, but to thrive. We also share practical tips — like life skills they should master before they go, what kind of support they need once they’re there, and how to let go without disappearing completely.So, whether your teen is packing their bags this summer or just starting to explore their options, this episode will give you real tools to support them — and yourself — during one of the biggest transitions in family life.What struck me was that kids who start out well tend to have much higher rates of completion than those who struggle at the offset. It may seem obvious, but it's a very useful indicator of how important those early days and weeks are. It fits very neatly with the work of Dr Gregory Walton, Ordinary Magic, who featured in last week's episode. He says there are deep questions we ask at key points in life. These points are TIC's.T: Transitions in life.I: Points at which our Identity as at stake.C: When we have big Challenges. Often we are not conscious of these questions, but they can play havoc with our lives if we don't deal with them. The two big questions that comes up for university joiners are:Do I belong?Can I do this?PRINCIPLES FOR THIS FROM ORDINARY MAGIC:1 - Avoid negative labels. (I'm not bad)2 - You're not the only one. (It's normal)3 - Recognise causes taht don't malign you or others. (These are real obstacles for me)4 - Forecast improvement. (It can get better)5 - Recognise opportunities (Look for options and silver linings) I willSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

Dr. Greg Walton, a Stanford psychologist and co-director of the Dweck-Walton Lab, dives into the power of small changes to spark significant growth. He shares insights on fostering resilience and identity in teens, emphasizing the importance of 'wise interventions' during pivotal moments. Walton discusses the emotional challenges teens face, especially during transitions, and how supportive adults can make a lasting impact. He introduces the concept of 'ordinary magic,' showing how simple actions can lead to profound change in behavior and self-perception.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions.In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted. What I learned from our experience is that the most important thing is knowing your child is in a kind, honest, loving relationship. Phoebe reflects on the problems with the long-distance aspect of her relationship, the struggle to gain assertiveness, and the eventual breakup. The conversation also touches on the role of social media, the importance of closure, and the growth Phoebe experienced as a result of her experiences. TOP BREAK-UP TIPS:Provide time and space for your teenager to process the breakup without pressure.Avoid making judgmental comments about the ex-partner or trying to convince the teenager they are "better off".Support your teenager in finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as focusing on personal goals and interests.Encourage your teenager to set boundaries with the ex-partner, including unfollowing on social media, if needed for the healing process.Recognize that the healing process after a first love breakup can take significant time, often 6 months or more.ADVICE FROM THE LUNA APP:Getting through a break up:Give yourself space if needed; set boundaries that work for youStay engaged in fun hobbies and activities to distract yourself and make new connectionsPrioritise self-care: eat well, exercise, sleep, and care for your mental healthBe patient; time is a healerKeep a gratitude journal to focus on other positive aspects of your lifeTalk to someone about your feelings, like a parent or guardian - they will have been there too!Remember that healing takes time, and you'll find a great match in the futureHow to break up with someone:Reflect on your decision: take time to think about why you need to end the relationship and make sure it's the right decision for youSpeak to a parent: in a quiet moment, communicate how you’re feeling to a parent - they will able to offer personalised advice and support which prioritises your wellbeingPrepare for their reaction: understand that everyone reacts differently to break ups. Be emotionally prepared for their response and ensure you're in a safe environment when you have this conversation 🗣Be honest: gSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?In this episode I asked Susie to come in and help me tackle some listener questions:QUESTION: After a recent chat with my 13 year old daughter, I'm extremely concerned that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. He's 14, and they have been going out together for a few months. Gosh, they've only recently started kissing. I have been fairly relaxed about it until this recent conversation, and she has told me about a number of girls and boys in her year at school, which is year nine, gosh, who have already had sex, so they say. And she's disregarding my point. Yes, any tips, please? https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/relationships-and-sex-how-young-is-too-young/QUESTION: I'm a mom of three girls. I have noticed my nine year old has become very self conscious around me, and when I try to talk to her, there is no engagement whatsoever, and she's clearly very uncomfortable. I believe it's related to body changes, which my 11 year old is not yet experiencing I've made numerous attempts to give her space and discuss things, including writing notes, which she totally ignored, hanging around, folding washing near you know that sort of like lurking. She's just not opening up. BOOK: What's Happening to Me - Usborne BooksAnne of Green GablesQUESTION: Could you cover how to help your teenage daughter when they have no friends and are isolated? Oh, and how to cope with it as a parent? Yeah, I am so worried about my 13 year old daughter that I can't sleep and I feel sick when I think about how lonely she is. EPISODES COVERING FRIENDSHIPShttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers. I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the attention economy, learning, science and technology. She's co-author of that amazing book, The Disengaged Teen, which I featured in episode 125, https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/Jenny has a child who's currently sitting GCSEs so we thought it would be a great time unpack why our current exam system might be doing more harm than good. We explore the incredible stress these exams create by making kids work to a rigid marking scheme causing both boredom and stress, why intense memorization isn't learning and the widening gulf between our current education system and what's going on in the world of work. We discuss why exams shouldn't define our children's worth, how to help them manage stress, and why experiences outside the classroom are just as crucial as academic achievements. Whether your child is currently studying for GCSEs or you're looking ahead, this episode will give you practical strategies to help your teenager navigate this intense period while keeping their confidence and love of learning intact.CONTACT: Jenny Anderson https://www.jennywestanderson.org/Instagram @jennyandersonwritesSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?What really shapes success — nature, nurture, luck? It's a perennial question. The Family Dynamic is a brilliant, captivating exploration of families in which all of the children became high-achievers. The award-winning author, Susan Dominus, has woven academic research into a book of wonderfully engaging family stories that tease out the role played by our environment: Parents with a bold vision, community, neighbourhoods, and most enlightening of all siblings. If you’ve ever questioned how important your parenting really is, the impact of siblings on your child's life, the role of community, or whether our kids should do chores, this is a conversation you won’t want to miss.THE BOOK: The Family Dynamic by Susan DominusCONTACT DETAILS:Website: Susan P Dominus at susanpdominus.comInstagram: @Sue DominusBlue Sky: Susan DominusFacebook: She remains active and friendly on FacebookAdditionally, the New York Times Magazine.SIBLINGS: Based on Susan Dominus's research, siblings play a crucial role in a child's success through several key mechanisms:Motivational Influence👉Siblings can inspire and push each other to achieve moreKnowledge Transfer👉Successful older siblings often provide guidance about opportunities like college applications and career paths. They can offer vision and perspective that parents might not have.Spillover Effect👉In lower-income families, the success of one sibling can positively impact younger siblings. When one child achieves, it can create a pathway and belief system for other siblingsMentorship👉Children are more likely to listen to and be inspired by siblings than parental suggestionsRole Modelling👉Siblings provide each other with an idea of what's possible.In all, the research suggests that if we can encourage healthy, supportive sibling relationships they can have a lasting, empowering impact on the future of the whole family.If you would like to know more about how to set siblings up to have a supportive relationship I also recommend episode 124: Enduring sibling relationships.Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode: 'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?'There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless.Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I don't see is a coherent approach across education. Again, it's an area that the sector is struggling to grasp, without clear leadership from the top. I thought it worth getting a snapshot of what's it's like from a teen point of view.Finally, a comment on LinkedIn by Liam McGuire made me stop and think about the concept of Toxic Femininitiy, and why we aren't labelling and discussing certain behaviour by females in the same way that we do when it comes to men. The upsurge in girls being obsessed with skin care routines, and content from Only Fans leaching into general social media, should surely give us cause to stop and ask why the people peddling this stuff are getting away without being questioned and shamed for their behaviour. If you'd like support in creating rules and consequences that are based on respect,and that actually work, here's a link to the episode and my blog on the topic:EPISODE:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/videos/32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/I'd LOVE to know what you think about the topics we discuss in this episode, or any other questions and topics you would like us to cover. Please email your thoughts to me, Rachel, at teenagersuntangled@gmail.comSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

Join a candid conversation about the emotional rollercoaster of teenage life! Discover insights on how teens navigate friendships, deal with feelings of exclusion, and manage their changing identities. The importance of personal space in fostering family connections is explored, alongside practical advice for parents on discussing sensitive topics like peer pressure and digital interactions. Get tips for strengthening bonds while respecting your teen's need for independence!

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed. In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers.In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us:1.      Separation – from the family2.      Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions.3.      Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity.4.      Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society. And the six common thinking traps parents fall into.Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident.Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts.Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions.Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them. Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons. It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent. We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room.  Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships. We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment.ANITA CLEARE:https://anitacleare.co.uk/BOOK:How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita CleareSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk