Be Mythical

This week I'm talking to Innate Wellbeing Facilitator Mandy Spray on the subject of caring, learning disabilities and the three principles. Mandy's got a beautiful rock solid belief that every single one of us has innate mental wellbeing and happiness. Mandy gave some gorgeous examples and made some excellent points, these were my faves: Looking at someone isn't the same as connecting with someoneMandy talks about spending time with someone in a way where you can let go of your own preconceived ideas and beliefs so you can drop into the same space as the other person, 'be' with them, listen and connect. Notice what's happening when we are connecting with someoneWe'll all have times when we do feel naturally present and connected with another person, when our thoughts settle and our minds are clear. Noticing that you have that as one of your possible states is a great step towards it appearing more! We all have our own unique beauty and talentsWhen we look for the potential, the unbroken-ness, wellbeing, and the gifts, we are sure to find them. Mandy gave some lovely examples of the opportunities that come from people being able to see this in others.

Show notes: Yippeee! This week I speaking to expert on care and special needs, comedienne and all round super star Sarah Wood. Sarah has spoken and trained internationally on health care and social services professions - her passion is helping carers and professionals see past issues and limitations to the whole person and their unique potential. Her son Adam has learning disabilities and has a full life of work and friends, he is a wonderful example of what's possible when we see a person for who they truly are. I loved these points in particular: When our heads are full of angry, stressful thoughts there's no room for the solutionsIt's so useful to know how easily answers come from a calm, settled down mind as it can help us let go of our agitated thoughts more quickly. The relationship is everythingWhen we prioritise our connection with someone, there's nothing that can't be overcome. Listening in the way that the other person speaksSarah talked about her son Adam drawing a picture which expressed that he'd like to have a friendship with a boy he'd lost contact with - that lead on to all kinds of wonderful outcomes for both families. Start with yourselfYou can't give anything that you don't have yourself - you need to have self-worth to be able to share that with someone else. Sarah suggests taking the first step onto the path to rediscovering happiness and clarity yourself before you try to help the person that you're caring for. You're doing the best job possibleEven when life feels tough and you feel like you're failing, you're damn amazing - there's no-one who could do better than you are.

A gorgeous conversation about another way to have a happy Christmas! Jacquie Forde is a social entrepreneur, coach, business woman, mum to three gorgeous tenacious daughters, wife and friend. She's a delight! Here's my favourite parts: Drop the differences!There's no right way to celebrate Christmas or to be - when we drop our judgemental thoughts of how others are different, the more we're open to enjoying everyone's unique, quirky, funny ways of being and the happier we are. Nothing's personalWhether it's the present they've chosen, the food they've cooked, they way they're choosing spend their time or they way they're behaving - they're doing our best according to they're thoughts in that moment (just as you are!) We can choose the illusions we keepWhen we see we're creating our reality through thought, we realise it's all an illusion. Some illusions serve us and others and some don't. What a gift it is when we see that we can let go of the illusions which are getting in the way of us connecting and enjoying other people! The present of being present!When we're not getting tangled up in thoughts about stress, anxiety and all the things we wish were different, we can be really present to the happiness, joy and love that's in that moment. Is there any better gift we can give to ourselves and others?

I'm delighted to share this fabulous conversation with Dr Amy Johnson! Amy's a coach and author, and she helps people to see that they're born happy and helps people to bounce back from all kinds of life events. Today we're talking about getting through christmas (or any family get together) with humour and understanding. Amy is seriously wonderful! Here were my best bits: Dysfunctional family bingo!Amy talks about playing this game with someone else in the family who you're close to. You both create a bingo card of the things you're dreading happening - maybe that's your Grandma mentioning your weight, your dad drinking a few too many whiskeys and being inappropriate or your sister being a drama queen - and then when you're at your family event, you check off the situations on your card as they happen. I love how this simple game can allow us to see something more deeply - any relationship is only ever about our relationship to our thoughts about relationship. Freeing ourselves from the 'blueprint' of how we think relationship should beThe more acceptance we have for how a relationship is, we lose our grip on the blueprint of how we think the relationship should feel. That means we become open to all kinds of surprising ways that it could develop and change. The fluidity of thoughtNo relationship (or anything else in life) is fixed. All relationships will feel differently according to our thoughts in each moment. That's a useful thing to bear in mind as it allow us to see that everything can change. Have a compassionate Christmas :)When we recognise that everyone is in a sea of thought, and we're all doing our best within that, it allows us to be more compassionate towards ourselves and others. Even when things feel difficult, we'll know that everything's still working the same way for all of us and it's just that we're not able to see it too clearly in that moment.

What a treat it was speaking to transformative coach Rasmus Carlsson about family relationships! Rasmus has such a great down to earth approach and a super-clear understanding of the role of the three principles in how we experience life. He shares such personal and detailed examples here that I defy anyone to listen and not hear something that's useful! Here were my favourite points: Other people's perspective on us are their business"What someone else thinks is never going to be up to me." The only thing that can make us unhappy is when we don't accept reality as it is - we think we can change the way someone else thinks about us. Why do we try to control other people's thinking when we can't control our own?We don't choose our thoughts. Seeing that helps us to be more compassionate towards ourselves and others because we see that no matter how bad a thought or a behaviour looks, it makes no sense to judge it when we see that no-one chose it. Being compassionate doesn't mean being a doormatWhen we recognise that 'their stuff' isn't about us, it's about them, it means we have access to our natural happy, calm state in which we're going to be much more able to deal with a situation well. That doesn't mean being passive, it means not being reactive. It only takes one of us to calm down and listen, and the other people will often begin to calm down and listen too. There are no 'should'sThere's no one way we should be in relationships or life in general. When we can more easily spot our insecure thinking about worrying about what others will think about us, the 'should's begin to lose their grip on us. When we let go of our 'should's we become open to all kinds of other opportunities and experiences.

[custom_headline type="left, center, right" level="h2" looks_like="h3" accent="true"]Show notes:[/custom_headline] I loved this conversation with Sue Lachman about listening - I was mind-blown about how much there was to talk about on this one subject! Listen to this and learn the transformative power of really listening... such an easy way to happy relationships! Here are my best bits: Prioritise listening fullyWe tend to think we can multi-task far better than we actually can! Put everything down so you can properly connect to the other person, listen fully and really feel what's behind their words. Listening is about the other person's experienceIf someone's talking about something that's going on in their life and we notice we've taken ourself off into our own world of thinking about a similar event in our own life then we'll know that we've stopped listening to other person. Use that as a little nudge to bring yourself back to listening again. We're all creating our own separate realityEven when we sharing an experience of the same event with others, each person will be creating their own experience of that event through their own thoughts. If we attach ourselves to own thoughts about the event we won't be so open to really hearing the other person's thoughts on it. Let go of the meaning you're giving to your version of events so you can hear theirs. When we feel that the other person isn't treating us fairlyWhen we feel that we're not being heard in a relationship, we can become defensive and shut down from even wanting to listen to the other person. If we're feeling in a low mood and feeling very disconnected to the other person, it's probably NOT the best time to have a conversation. If we wait until we're feeling lighter and more connected, not only are we are more likely to be able to fully hear what's going on for them, we'll be calm and clear which means that others are going to be more able to open up and listen to us too. Nothing stays the sameWithout us doing a thing, thoughts change and therefore feelings change and therefore relationships change. This one isn't about listening but I thought it was a gorgeous point anyway!

In this final episode about dating I’m talking to coach and trainer Peter Fallenius about the myths of seduction. Peter has an unusual take on seduction. He was dumped from a long term relationship and as he launched into the world of dating again he realised that all his old ideas about what works in dating and seduction was flawed. He spent time observing and researching what really makes people tick and he realised that the standard take on seduction is kinda messed up. We covered rather a lot of ground! Here are the key points: Replace ‘dating’ with ‘meeting’Peter spoke about meeting people without the expectations of certain things needing to happen in order to make it a ‘successful’ date. He approached his meetings with an open-ness about simply whether he could enjoy the time with the other person. All relationships are day-to-day, moment-to-momentApproaching relationships with a fresh mind, without making promises (even to ourselves) that we can’t keep The illusion of needing to seduceSeduction and ‘pick-up’ techniques are based on manipulation and deception and ultimately leads to more disconnection. They’re also based on a misconception that people need to be manipulated into wanting connection. People want to be seduced – and will be open the moment you offer them the genuine possibility of connection, opportunities and understanding. Let’s talk about sex (eek!)Peter’s experiences from talking to lots of people about sex has shown him how our beliefs about sex underpin so much of what we think and do in all areas of our lives. If we can be open to seeing something new about our thoughts about sex then we may well discover things that will help us make sense of why we have the thoughts that we do about all kinds of other things. The book Peter mentioned is My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday. Opportunities come from uncertaintyEmbrace uncertainty! Understand that great things often come from a place of not knowing what could happen.

This is one of my fave episodes... I'm speaking to Sarah Abell about happiness in dating from a three principles perspective. Sarah's a speaker, author and coach. She was the Agony Aunt for the Daily Telegraph and she's a regular columnist for Psychologies magazine. Sarah's given two TEDx talks on authentic connections. I quizzed Sarah on all kinds of facets around being single, dating and the three principles. If you listen to just ONE podcast about dating I reckon you'd be pleased you made this the one. She is blooming fabulous, she has heaps of experience in this area, talks such sense and so easy to listen to and understand. Here are my fave bits: Sarah talked about how we only really connect with another person when we're showing up as our authentic self. If we have a whole load of thinking about how we should look and act to make the best impression then that's going to get in the way of that connection. Needy is creepy... If we're looking for someone else to complete us or to make us happy then we'll be bringing that energy to our connection with another person - it's not likely to lead to an happy relationship. Being a 'naked hedgehog' is when we let go of all our protective, defensive thoughts and open-heartedly allow others into our lives - which brings with it the risk of getting hurt, but is the only way we can truly be close to others. Meeting a potential partner becomes easier when we're happy in our own skin, enjoying life and become more open to meeting and connecting with people as a 'naked hedgehog' in general.

When we decided to focus on 'dating' this month I was delighted to get a chance to speak to coach and brand consultant Sandra Koenig about her amazing story of aiming to go from single to married in just eight weeks! Sandra has an understanding of inborn happiness and the three principles of Mind, Thought & Consciousness that we talk about here on Born Happy and decided to take on this marriage challenge when she took part in one of Michael Neill's 'Creating the Impossible' mastermind groups. Sandra dated up a storm in those weeks and in this episode she shares the incredible experiences and the learning she took from it. If you're starting to dip a toe in the world of dating, you'll find Sandra's words so helpful. These were my best bits: Sandra spoke about how she approached each date with a light heart and an open mind, and without a tonne of expectations about what would take place. That's such a wonderful way to approach anything in life as it helps to lowers the (perceived) stakes and allows us to see and create new opportunities. Sandra has a great understanding of innate happiness and wellbeing which meant that she didn't take any of the 'bad dates' personally and was able to bring compassion and honesty to some pretty cringy moments! Intuition and natural wisdom came up several times in our conversation - Sandra said she really listened to what her feelings were telling her rather than trying to over-think what she should do about each date. Sandra said let go of any concerns of what others might expect from you - whether that's sex on the first date or anything else - just be guided by what feels right for you. Sandra talked about how helpful it is to recognise that any 'thought storms' she had about dates all blew over. Thoughts all flow past - no thinking is fixed and permanent. You'll have to listen to find out whether her challenge was successful! :)

I’m delighted to share this Happy Hour Conversation with Michael Neill on how we were all born with happiness as our default. Michael is an incredible world-renowned coach, a best-selling author and a Tedx speaker. He speaks about the three principles of Mind, Thought & Consciousness in such a beautifully clear, entertaining and genuine way. Many people credit Michael (and his book The Inside-Out Revolution) with how they first discovered their inborn happiness. Michael was on his usual fabulous form in this conversation. There were loads of cool parts but these were my faves: There’s a ‘happy that’s the opposite of sad’ but there’s a different kind of happiness – which is a space that can happiness exist, even when we’re having an experiencing of sadness. We can have all kinds of experiences but we can do it from a place of knowing that we still have that inborn happiness. This work of speaking about the three principles is reminding not teaching – because we were all born happy, deep-down we all know this. When we hear people talking about that place of happiness, even when our intellect is struggling to make sense of it, we can often feel a sense of recognition in our body. When we’re struggling to see that we have inborn happiness – we often look for this in our minds, in our brain, even in our unhappiness – but it’s when we stop looking we catch a glimpse of what’s already there, inside us. When Michael talks of ‘staying the conversation’ he means stay where the conversation’s happening, keeping looking in this direction but stop searching for something specific – stay in the cupboard but stop looking for the peanut butter (you kinda have to listen to the episode for that to make sense)!