Be Mythical

The best parenting questions in the world... with Jack Pransky I'm delighted to share this conversation with the utterly wonderful Jack Pransky about a subject he is awesome on: parenting. Dr. Jack Pransky is a Three Principles Author, Trainer and Practitioner: a Coach of Coaches and a Counselor of Counselors. Jack's worked in the field of prevention and community organizing since 1968. He wrote the fabulous parenting book "Parenting from the heart" which I highly recommend. Jack talked about these questions to ask ourselves when we're speaking to our children: Am I feeling love in my heart in the moment?If I'm not, now is not the time to discipline. What is my child learning from what I'm doing?Is that really what I want my child to learn? How am I seeing my child in the moment?I am the one who is making up what my child is like in this moment - and I'll get more of what I see. Why is it important to me that my child does this thing I'm asking?Why would this be important to my child? Do I really know what's going on in the mind of my child that driving the behavior?How can I observe and listen to better understand?

How to treat anxiety... with Chris Morris Chris is a well-known coach and a meditation teacher who suffered from anxiety from childhood and has spent years exploring a tonne of different self-help techniques and 'thought-based' approaches to understand how to treat anxiety. Chris didn't shy away from being his usual naughty self. :) Chris said things which are a bit contentious but we wanted to give you a different view point to many of the guests we have on the show. Chris doesn't solely work with his clients using a three principles approach, he uses other techniques and approaches (including A Course in Miracles, meditation, Byron Katie's The Work, and NLP) to treat anxiety in his clients. Techniques like this can work well in a one to one setting, when the coach has the level of understanding that Chris has. These were the main points: Our sense of self is built around the beliefs that we've decided define usWe cut ourselves off from certain types of experiences, beliefs or types of thoughts - often without realising we're doing it. Sometimes we've experienced things in our past that have scared us so we shut down that part of us then we're only able to experience life from within the frame of thoughts that we haven't cut ourselves off from. If what we're left with is anxious thoughts then that will be our experience of life. The actors that we castWe are entities made up from a collection of thoughts. We cast a character in a film but then we forget and let the character run the show, we forget that the one watching the character is us! We can't see what we can't seeWe tend to have no clue about the underlying beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. We're only aware of the thoughts we're aware of - which sounds obvious but is something that we forget moment to moment. If we can find a way of holding up a mirror to ourselves, which could be through talking to a coach or a good friend, we get a glimpse of the beliefs that we have.

On this week's show I get to speak to the fabulous Jill Whalen. Jill is a professional conference speaker, trainer and writer, she's a retired website marketing consultant who underwent a huge transformation from being a bit of a coach potato with an allergy to vegetables to someone who is now into yoga, running, spirituality, and healthy eating! Jill now shares her experience of personal and business transformation with others. Before Jill came across the three principles, she'd suffered with years of anxiety so I thought she'd be a super person to speak to see what's changed for her and how that change happened! Jill was great! These were my best bits: Anxiety is so often caused by not feeling good enough. That feeling often leads to all kinds of addictions too - basically ways of making us feel better about ourselves. It's so freeing when we see that it's only thought making us feel not good enough and we're actually always perfect inside Just start to look inside and you'll realise that it's NOT the outside world creating your feelings! That can be difficult to begin with as the ego can have a tight hold on you but the more you notice that your feelings are coming from thought, the more layers of 'ego slime' drop away Start noticing how made up all your labels are. Jill talked about realising that she'd made up all these beliefs about herself - that she couldn't sing in public or that she hated healthy foods - seeing the thought-created nature of her labels, was a big clue to the thought created nature of her experience.

This is the second time that we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between certified transformative coach John El-Mokadem and his new client Kate who wants coaching around issues in her relationship. Kate believed that past trauma had set her on the course for her current relationship issues but she discovered in this session that the past isn't always how it appears. This episode was a wisdom-bomb-a-minute but here were my absolute faves! Kate's big insight! "I realised that there was never anything wrong. I was always OK, I just thought I wasn't"This is a huge realisation that her past self wasn't broken and that means that the past can't dictate her life in the present or the choices she makes going forward. Yesssss! How do we meet our partner's needs without subjugating our own needs?John described how the more of his beliefs about needs have dropped away, the less he seems to need on the outside and the more he sees that his needs are already met on the inside. Life doesn't need to be a certain way for him to feel happy. How do we get into a quiet space?John explained how the very act of noticing an icky feeling and realising where it comes from [thought], the more he seem to settle down and start to look into the direction that fresh thought and insight comes from. How do we stop just drifting along in life?Kate's concern is that she needs agency - she needs control over her life and circumstances, John described how he's seen that his happiness doesn't come from illusory control, and his previous attempts at control were making him less happy. The destination that we're all working towards, it's all here in this moment. What about dealing with real life issues like a shortage of money?The more we're coming from insecure thought (life has to be like x, I need to be like y, i need to earn z) all get in the way of allowing success and happiness to flow through us. Life is already being handled, we don't need to make it happen. The more we let go of insecure thought, the more ideas, answers and opportunities that we notice.

Amazing relationships are natural I was thrilled to speak to the wonderful Rudi and Jenny about how it's so natural for us to have amazing relationships very naturally as we see the role of Thought in our relationships. Rudi and Judy are Three Principles Facilitators and film-makers who have been travelling the world, interviewing other facilitators, teachers and people who have had their lives transformed through understanding the principles. They were as fabulous as ever, these were my best bits: It can seem that we're a type of person, e.g. a jealous person or a person with a temperJenny talks having a blind spot when it came to her jealousy - she could see that her feelings were coming from her thinking in every area except her jealousy. She described it as thinking she must just be a jealous person and that was fixed. Over time she began to see that her jealousy was just a thought too. That's the case with pretty much any trait you can think of. The biggest relationship change is the one we have to our own thinkingJenny described how the biggest change in their relationship, has actually been the relationship that each of them have with their own thinking. Sometimes we can be wrapped up in thought and thinking it looks and feels real, and other times we see that our feeling are coming from thought. The more we see through the illusion of thought, the less worried we get about the content of our thinking and the more we see it's just thought. We can't have a relationship without thought being includedI loved Rudi's phone metaphor - just how we can't have a phone conversation without the intermediary of the phone, we can't have a relationship, conversation or any kind of interaction without the intermediary of our own thoughts. The more we recognise the intermediary of thought is always present, the less seriously we take the thoughts which are getting in the way with connecting with the other person. What about when we have different goals or values to our partner?Jenny spoke beautifully about the conversations they'd had over the years about big decisions such as whether to have children. They've been able to have some very honest, open conversations from a neutral place which has allowed them to move forward through life without needing the other person to have the same opinion.

This week we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between certified transformative coach John El-Mokadem and his new client Kate. Kate would like coaching around some issues in her relationship. There were so many gems here about handling relationship issues, here were my favourites: Does the past create our relationship problems in the present?Kate feels angry that she's made decisions in her relationship because of trauma in her past and maybe she would have chosen a different life, if it hadn't been for her past. John explained that the anger would make sense if it was being caused by Kate's circumstances and not by Kate's 'noisy thinking' about her circumstances. That laundry list of things that need to happen before we'll feel OKWe can believe there's a whole load of things that we need to happen in our relationship (or life in general) before we'll be OK. As we recognise that the laundry list is just more noisy thinking we see that we already have everything we need to be OK. How do we cope with a noisy mind?We don't need to quieten our minds, ignore our thinking or try to change it, when we recognise that the noise is simply just thinking. What about when we want different things?The more we see that our wellbeing always comes from inside, the more freedom we have to watch how life unfolds without getting so caught up in our thoughts about needing life to be a certain way so we can be happy.

I'm talking to Sheela Masand and Mark Jones (aka Yoga Mark!) about what creates a happy relationship. Sheela's a business coach and Mark's founder of Ice cream For The Soul, a brilliant blog talk radio show about the three principles. They've been together for 11 years, and they talk very honestly and openly here about how their relationship has transformed over the 5 years since they've discovered the principles. And how your relationship problems are not about the sponge in the sink - it's about your thoughts about the sponge in the sink. ;) Here were my best bits: We're all looking for connection - but misunderstand where it comes fromSheela talked about how the connection that creates a happy relationship is something that's very natural to us - once we understand the nature of thought and how it can create the illusion of disconnection How our insecure thinking gets in the way of listeningWhen we're caught up in thoughts of trying to fix an issue or come up with a solution for our partner - that's often behaviour driven from insecure thoughts. When we can let go of those thoughts and simply listen to our partner, we stand a far better chance of connecting to them. Our feelings are our guideWhen we notice that we're feeling irritated or angry that it's simply pointing to our thoughts in that moment, and that means it's probably not a great idea to act on them!

What is anxiety? Show notes: I'm thrilled to be talking to Dicken Bettinger about: What is anxiety and is it possible to be freed from it? Dicken is one of the few people who was taught directly by Sydney Banks, the man who discovered the principles. Dicken trained as a Pyschologist and for the almost 30 years, he has taught the three principles. He has helped many people to free themselves from anxiety and return to happiness. Before understanding the principles, Dicken himself used to suffer from extreme anxiety and used to have a zillion techniques and meditated for hours a day to attempt to alleviate it. All in all, there really isn't anyone on the planet that I can think of who is better placed to speak to about anxiety! So... what is anxiety? The dictionary definition of anxiety is: "A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome" Dicken explained that almost every one of us experiences moments of anxiety - that's not a problem in itself, it's just being human and is a function of how our thoughts create our feelings of anxiety. Dicken's answer to 'What is anxiety', in terms of anxiety being a problem in someone's life, is that it's when we misunderstand where our anxiety comes from - when we believe that our anxiety comes from outside events such as: The situation we're in Our problems The people we're with And then become anxious about the fact that at any moment something can happen to trigger the anxiety. We become anxious about our anxiety. Dicken describes his past experience of anxiety like "I never knew when the world was going to make me feel bad." and feeling like life was akin to walking in a field of landmines, waiting for one to blow up. We can believe the label of being an anxious person - someone who is, whether by nature or nurture, predisposed to anxiety - but Dicken has never seen this to be accurate for any of his clients. Fundamentally, anxiety is simply an misunderstanding of why we feel anxiety - and then feeling anxious about the prospect of more anxiety. Is it possible to be freed from anxiety? Dicken talks about us not needing to work hard to look for freedom from anxiety when we see we already have what we're looking. Dicken described these steps that are helpful to understand this: Step 1. Recognise that 100% of your experience is created by thought All of our feelings are being created by our thoughts in that moment. This is direct contrast to what we're taught - e.g. that stressors cause stress. It's also contrary to how things look - if you're in a room and feeling good but someone walks in the room and you feel anxious, it's a very convincing illusion that your anxiety is being caused by the other person. When we see that our experience is coming from thought, it's the beginning of us letting go of the misunderstanding that's creating the anxiety problem. Step. 2 Seeing that a new thought will free you from the anxiety created by the current thought When we wake up to the nature of thought, we're open to a new thought flowing through - and thereby creating a completely different feeling. This is the opposite to to what we tend to do - which is to focus MORE on the anxious thought that has created the anxious feeling. We try to identify it, fix it and change it - all the more we continue to think about - and therefore feel - anxiety. When we wake up to what's really happening we focus more on our wellbeing than anxious thoughts. Step. 3 Understanding that we all have potential for infinite wisdom and wellbeing We're not limited to the boundaries of our physical brains, we all have a connection to infinite potential - more happiness, more love, more connection, more clarity, more creativity, more peace - when we look toward the non-conceptual space that's before our personal thinking.

Overcoming a fear of failure This week we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between transformative coach Rasmus Carlsson and his new client Anne around how to conquer her fear of failure. These three principles coaching sessions have proved to be hugely helpful both for the client and also listeners so I'm delighted to be able to share another of these gems! Anne has a huge passion to create a business and with a non-profit element to help young people (particularly vulnerable children who are at risk) to discover their value and worth. Anne feels held back by her fear of failure - she has concerns around leaving her steady job, not managing to maintain her family's current stability and lifestyle, and the risks and responsibilities of this kind of venture. What I loved most in this episode: What ifsAnne talked her "What if...?"s - her big two are "What if I don't do a great job?" and also "What if I can't create an income?" These kind of 'What if' thoughts often prevent us from moving forward with life changes because we take these thoughts seriously, assuming they're keeping us safe - it can be so interesting and useful to pull those thoughts out into the light to enable us to see them afresh. Where does fear of failure come from?Anne described how her fear came from giving energy to beliefs about herself. Rasmus and Anne explored how what's happening is much simpler than that - our feeling of fear comes purely from whatever we're thinking about in that moment. Our feelings don't have to mean anythingOur feelings are only telling us what our thoughts are doing. Emotion are simply our body's system for pointing us to the content of our thoughts - we find it easier to be aware of feelings than our thoughts. We don't need to act on feelings or take our thoughts seriously.

This week I'm talking Louise Storey about the way she's managing to have that rare balance of taking care of her family as well as having a fulfilling life creating and doing things out in the world. Louise is a co-founder of the Clear mind Academy which helps carers within education, social and healthcare organisations. Louise describes herself as a recovered stressaholic, she had a successful career in IT and then gave it up focus on her family and to care for her son Jack, who has learning disabilities. Since discovering the three principles, Louise has a life of happiness, creativity and ease. Louise made so many brilliant points, many of which I'm sure you'll relate to. These were my faves: Working towards achieving happiness in the futureLouise talks about something that seems so common these days: how she was postponing her happiness in the present moment so she could work towards achieving happiness and success in the future. She's since realised that the only place happiness can exist is right here and now. Feelings are a symptom not a diagnosisWhen we are you feeling stressed, sad or angry - that's not a diagnosis that we're a stressed, sad or angry person... our feelings are simply a symptom of your thought in that moment. I LOVED that point so much that I posted about it on our Facebook page, where it seemed to resonate with many of you. Pleasing everyone but not pleasing anyoneLouise describes how her life used to entail running around, trying her best to please everyone in her life, to meet their expectations (and hers) of what a good parent, daughter, wife, friend and colleague should be like - but feeling she was failing, and damaging her own health in the process. Since discovering the three principles, Louise has settled down into feeling happy in her own skin and knowing that just being fully present with the people in her life is creating more pleasing relationships than she's ever experienced.