Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

There is tremendous value to poker, mahjong, and other games for making friends and getting closer with the friends you already have.I’m a longtime fan today's guest, author and podcaster, Mark Oppenheimer, who spoke with me about the value of participating in a regular game with friends. In Mark's case, he has a longstanding poker game. I talked about mahjong. Bridge was a big part of my parents' social lives. There is something about a game with a regular group of players that is different from other ways we get together with friends. I'm excited that Mark, who recently wrote about his poker group, is here to talk about this topic with me. And Mark’s next major book project is one I cannot wait to read. Judy Blume chose him to write her official biography. The story of how that came to be is in our episode. It’s a sweet friendship story—don’t miss it!Meet Mark OppenheimerMark Oppenheimer is head of open learning at American Jewish University. He received his Ph.D. in religious studies from Yale, covered religion for The New York Times for six years, has taught at Yale, NYU, Wellesley, and Stanford, and is the author of five books, most recently Squirrel Hill: The Tree of Life Synagogue Shooting and the Soul of a Neighborhood. He created the most downloaded American Jewish podcast ever, Unorthodox, with 7 million listens from 2015-2023, and also wrote and hosted Gatecrashers, a podcast about the history of Jews in the Ivy League. He is now writing the definitive biography of Judy Blume. He lives in Connecticut with his wife, five children, and two dogs.Topics We Covered:Para-social friendships (I was in one with Mark until this episode. But now we might be friends!)How Mark became Judy Blume’s official biographerMark’s piece for his Substack, Oppenheimer, titled “Men Playing Poker: A Manifesto”Why men might be attracted to pokerThe special ritual of getting together for a game with friendsThe importance of spending time with friends in-person, on a regular basis.The joy of mahjongWhat happened to bridge?ChessWhy my reading list is 90% female writersWhy we both read more nonfiction than fiction ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Gretchen Rubin, author of Life in Five Senses, discusses how awareness of the five senses can improve friendships. Topics include listening for what's not being said, making plans to see new sights, avoiding distractions, hugging friends, taste experiments, nostalgia through discussing memories, the mixtape experience, and more.

I’m revisiting the problems and potential of group texts (but mostly the problems) because there are still some group text shenanigans I’d love to see go away. I want us to love our group chats with friends! We CAN improve! In this episode you will get some easy ways to make the group texting experience better.I’m SO excited for even more listeners to hear Kat Vellos, who helped me navigate the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them.Meet Kat Vellos:Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She’s a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She’s also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. In her former career as a UX designer and researcher, she made software more user-friendly at large companies you’ve heard of, but she’s a lot happier now making life more friendly for the thousands of people and work teams who use her guidance to cultivate fulfilling friendships and colleagueships. Kat’s writing is read in over 100 countries and she’s been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. When she’s not thinking about friendship, she loves tacos, puns, and puns involving tacos.If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares her fantastic illustrations that go along with her work. However, Kat saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

One afternoon Emma Nadler gets a call from her daughter's doctor that changes her life forever. Faced with the realities of raising a child with a rare genetic condition, Nadler must confront her preconceptions of motherhood and her perfectionistic beliefs."Today we’re talking about how to support friends facing an ambiguous loss. My guest, Emma Nadler, is a psychotherapist in Minneapolis and the author of The Unlikely Village of Eden,  briefly summarized in the words above. Emma’s incredible memoir is about grief, healing, marriage, friendship, and so much more. Our discussion doesn’t require anyone to have read The Unlikely Village of Eden yet. Though I highly recommend you do! It’s a beautifully written memoir and a thoughtful read with humor too.Meet Emma NadlerEmma Nadler is an author, speaker, and psychotherapist. In her private practice, she helps people better understand and tolerate emotions, build deeper relationships, and find meaning in life's challenges. She is passionate about transforming her own experiences as a parent of a child with disabilities into empathy, compassion, humor, and of course, stories. She lives in Minnesota with her family. To learn more, visit EmmaNadler.com. And @EmmaNadlerWrites on Instagram.“A stunning debut memoir by a gifted writer and psychotherapist. Emma Nadler has written a truly poignant read that shines a light on the humanity in neurodivergence, the heart of parenting, and the soul of psychotherapy.”―Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the TED podcast Re:ThinkingPLEASE NOTE: Listening to this podcast in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

One of Laura Tremaine's friendship philosophies is to put connection and relationship on your daily to-do list. And one example of a "to-do" we discussed was this: TEXT YOUR FRIENDS BACK! This came up for Laura after a few friends called her out.After realizing some of her communication mishaps and a few other friendship details were falling between the cracks or hurting friends' feelings, Laura solved the problem by putting her friendship goals and intentions on a daily to-do list. She has her family to-do list, her work to-do list, and her friendship/connection to-do list. This method would work for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed in life and doesn't want to be known as "the friend who doesn't text back." Or "the friend who never checks in."These to-do items will change depending on your individual friends and requires some noticing for what makes your friends light up.At the end we got into one of my favorite topics---how all the attention to boundaries is getting out of control. We do have to be there for friends sometimes, even when it's not convenient. Meet Author and Podcaster Laura TremaineLaura Tremaine grew up in Oklahoma and moved to Los Angeles sight unseen when she was twenty-two years old. She worked in film and television production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox and Paramount Pictures before pursuing writing full time. Laura has been sharing her life online for over a decade. She writes about friendship, anxiety, motherhood and marriage. Her posts and podcast episodes resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they transform from one era of life into another. Laura lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their two children.You can follow Laura at www.lauratremaine.com. Instagram FacebookLaura's podcast: 10 Things To Tell YouLaura's newest book: The Life Council: Amazon | BookshopALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Evereve's co-founder and co-CEO, Megan Tamte, joins me to discuss making new, very close friends later in life. And by later, we mean any time in adult life. We talked about how to reach out to potential friends, how to hear "no," how to say "no," reaching out to old friends, and real friends vs. deal friends. Megan also gave me some emergency fashion advice at the end.I recently saw a story on the Today Show about two women who traveled around the world together. They promised they would do this for their 80th birthdays. While I was interested in the framing of this story as two best friends making this commitment and keeping it, it was the line that said they'd been friends for 20 years that really got me excited. They met when they were 60! It is never too late to make new, close friends, but we need to be in the right frame of mind and right time of life to let those friendships soar. Megan and I discussed this new frame of mind and time of life. And Megan also stepped in with some much-needed fashion advice for me! Meet Megan TamteMegan Tamte is a visionary entrepreneur. Twenty-some years ago, a dressing room disaster inspired her to reimagine the women’s shopping experience, and today, she’s the co-founder, co-CEO , and Chief Brand Officer of EVEREVE, a contemporary fashion retailer with over one million customers, 100+ stores in 30+ states, a booming e-commerce business and a fast-growing subscription box service, Trendsend.When she’s not leading EVEREVE with her co-CEO and husband, Mike, Megan is sharing her retail knowledge and expertise with aspiring entrepreneurs, and proudly serving four other organizations, as Board member of the Chicago-based Common Ground Foundation, a board member of Warners' Stellian & Jaxen Grey fellow Minnesota-based retailesr, and the Global Leadership Network. Megan recently joined a team that welcomes refugees to Minnesota through the organization, Arrive Ministries.Find Megan on Instagram. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today on Dear Nina I have a guest with a harrowing and inspiring story to share about starting a new life with new friends after a horrific tragedy. This is unlike any story I've heard firsthand, and I'm grateful for Jen's candor and honesty.Jen Zwinck wrote to me:After my husband was killed, I moved with my daughter to a small island in the Caribbean where I didn't know a single person. I went there to heal. What surprised me was the friendships that I formed while I was there, these women who came into my life, divinely, I believe, became my angels and my 'stand-in' family. We shared the bond of being expats and I'm still close with them to this day.Jen Zwinck is a co-founder of the Widow Squad online community, a widow advocate, and an author. She has interviewed over 100 widows and coached hundreds of widows through her courses and online programs. She lives outside of New Orleans. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

First thing to know, not all friendships with issues are "toxic." I'm not sure there's a more overused word on the internet. That said, it's something we need to discuss on a friendship podcast. Recognizing a toxic friendship and what to do about it sounds like a serious thing to discuss. And it is! But my two guests are so fun and delightful that you could almost forget how unhappy these kinds of friendships can make people. Get ready for a lot of Midwestern accents on this episode, starting with mine. Then add Michelle Anderson and Lauren Massarella from The Sister Project, and you have a spirited, helpful, personal episode of Dear Nina.About The Sister Project Podcast:Hosted by the founders of The Sister Project blog, Midwest sisters and wellness lifestyle enthusiasts, Michelle Anderson and Lauren Massarella, deliver a conversational style podcast that makes the listener feel as though they are part of an intimate sisterhood inner circle. You will learn a little and laugh a lot. The podcast airs on a weekly basis and covers everyday life experiences, pop culture, and current events. Find Cozy Conversations with The Sister Project anywhere you get your podcasts. And find them on Instagram too!ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I'm thrilled to welcome my mom back to Dear Nina. My mom, Kathy Sackheim, has been an instrumental part of the Dear Nina friendship universe. I quote her often in the column and the podcast. In this 20-minute episode she answered some questions that came in from the Dear Nina Facebook group. We covered the ways she's seen attitudes about friendship change through the decades, whether parents and kids can be friends, whether parents should get involved in teens' friendship issues, handling other parents' opinions of us, letting go of trying to control your older kids as they leave for college (and earlier and later!), and lots more. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Author, Will Schwalbe, joins the show today with some of these thoughts and more: It's better to say something than nothing. Make the hard phone call. Donate to the cause. Let friends help you. Ask questions. Look past what you think you know about people. Assume the best. These are all keys to long-term friendship I discussed with Will, author of We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship.The first part of the episode is a natural continuation of last week's episode about the benefit of having friends with different points of view and backgrounds. I inadvertently made a series! And in the second half, Will and I talked about the real work of maintaining a decades long, sometimes challenging friendship and why we should bother. Will and I discussed the quote he chose for the book's epigraph by British poet, David Whyte: "All friendships of any length are based on a continued mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy, all friendships die." We Should Not Be Friends will challenge your assumptions about friendship. Two of Will's previous books include Books for Living and The End of Your Life Book Club, which I know many people out there have loved. Will has worked in book publishing (currently as an editor at Macmillan); in digital media; and as a journalist, writing for various publications, including The New York Times and the South China Morning Post. He lives in New York.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.Our sponsor this week: https://www.purewesson.com/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands