Productive Flourishing Podcast

Christina is an attorney who wanted a more creative path, and started The Contract Shop, a contract template store for creative entrepreneurs, wedding professionals, and coaches. In this episode, Christina and Charlie discuss her transition from the risk-averse field of law into entrepreneurship, the challenges she faces as a new entrepreneur, and how the way many of us think about the legal aspects of our business is actually out of sync with reality.Key Takeaways:[2:05] - The legal aspect of a creative business can be a way to enhance relationships, rather than create adversarial and complicated relationships.[2:35] - Christina works as an attorney, but her entrepreneurial side took off by accident. When she was running her law firm, she encountered situations where her friends needed legal help, but not necessarily her full time or attention as an attorney. At the same time, she had started to accumulate different templates that she was able to share with her friends, and it turned into a nuanced template business called The Contract Shop.[4:30] - As a tip for all creative entrepreneurs, if you’re looking for additional revenue streams, look around for your trap content that could have market value. The best products are based on need; Christina didn’t think much of her templates, but they’ve become an asset she built an entire business around.[7:55] - Christina talks about risk - as an attorney, they were taught that they needed to be risk averse. This is opposite in nature from the entrepreneur, where sometimes you have to take a risk to be successful.[14:30] - Out of law school, Christina found a job but was worn thin from law school, working full time, studying for the bar, and jumping in to The Contract Shop. As an escape, she started a yoga blog, and incorporated legal articles and business stuff on this blog.[18:40] - Even though she’s working just as much as (or more than) before when everything was taking off, there is a lot more freedom now that Christina is working for herself. If you find work that lights you up, it changes everything. It’s much easier to get stuff done when it’s something that ties into who you are and the work you’re wanting to do in the world.[21:55] - Christina talks about some of the things she missed about working for someone else when she first started working for herself. The biggest thing was having a boss, and someone to tell her what to do to advance her business. She was also so focused on seeing what other people were doing that it was difficult to focus on her own stuff. She has since narrowed it down to one or two people to follow at a time and is staying focused on her own business. If you’re a new entrepreneur and you’re finding yourself in the same “honeymoon” or “deinstitutional” period, know that it’s normal, but try get yourself out of it as quickly as you can because it can be an expensive period of your business.[27:40] - When you first start working for yourself, there comes a point at which you have to start defining your own goals. Christina uses a tool from one of her clients called PowerSheets to help define where she’s been and where she’s going. One thing that works well for her is putting the things she’s thinking about or working through down on paper, and trusting that the sequence will work itself out for them to come to fruition.[30:40] - Strategic planning is a skill, like financial planning, and not one that everyone learns. Coming into your own business, they may be things that you have to learn, but the beauty of it is that they are skills that can be learned by normal people. If long-term planning is not a strong suit for you, planning smaller is okay.[34:45] - Creative people and entrepreneurs have a bit of fear surrounding the legal aspects of their business. Some people don’t touch it or take it super seriously. Christina’s approach uses the legal aspect to enhance relationships. If people are too cautious about this aspect, they may never get their product out there. Christina encourages people to just start doing it, even if all the legal I’s and T’s aren’t dotted and crossed.[38:50] - Christina’s two big tips: 1) The fastest way to get yourself into legal trouble in today’s social media climate is to use someone else’s photo as your own without permission. Pay attention to what other people’s intellectual property is and avoid infringing someone’s copyright. Christina has actually garnered relationships reaching out to people to ask if she could use their photos. 2) If you’re not clear on what you expect from your clients and what they can expect from you, that’s a great way to start losing money through refund requests, etc. Instead of over-promising and under-delivering, make sure you’re under-promising and over-delivering, and have some kind of contract that memorializes the expectations for both parties.[42:10] - Usually first-time offenders will receive a cease and desist letter. If it’s the second or third time you’ll be on higher watch. You can get into trouble really quickly if you go up against any of the big guys.[43:30] - If these legal aspects are what’s scaring you from getting started, the risk and the exposure is not as big as you might think. It’s better to get out there and start doing something, and then if you encounter problems make sure you address them. Don’t let it keep you from creating something. You can also invest in business insurance as a form of protection.[45:20] - Another aspect of working for yourself is the contracts. Most peoples’ only experience with an attorney is in an unfortunate situation or what’s portrayed in the media, so business owners may be afraid to address contracts with their clients. Show them that contracts are actually for the client’s benefit, and make sure you walk them through the contract and talk them through how things could play out. If you show them that you’re an experienced professional on the terms, it will be a better experience for everyone. There are ways to present the contract in a less scary way, like the client magazines Christina mentions.[51:00] - This gives you an opportunity to show your client that you are more professional than your competition. It makes you a better salesperson and a better business person. It’s usually the first time your client is going through whatever situation it is, so having an extra touch point where you’re showing them stuff that might be obvious for you can ensure trust for the rest of your working relationship.[53:00] - There are some common excuses Christina hears. 1. If there’s fear of confrontation, do what you can with what you have. You can send an email and a PDF. 2. If you’re worried about a client wasting your time, take a look earlier on in your sales process and see how you’re qualifying those leads, and be unapologetically yourself. 3. Money - money is a mindset issue and money can always be made. Sometimes you just have to prioritize the things that are going to move your business (or life) forward. Be mindful of which types of expenses you’re prioritizing as well.[57:54] - Christina’s challenge to listeners is to do one thing every day for the next week, whether it takes one minute or one hour of your time, that moves your business, creative process, or your career forward.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingProductive Flourishing Podcast Episode 78: The 3 Essential Pieces of Your Business’s Legal, Tax, and Financial Foundation with Kyle DurandChristina ScaleraChristina Scalera’s BlogThe Contract ShopThe Small Business Lifestyle, by Charlie GilkeyLara Casey PowerSheetsMagCloudLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Today’s guest, Debbie Reber, is a New York Times best-selling author, podcaster, and speaker. She joins Charlie today to discuss how she made the transition from working in television to becoming a best-selling author, and how the birth of her neurologically-different son altered her body of work and how she got it done. While her work is geared toward parents of neuro-diverse children, this is a great episode for everyone because it shows how sticking with your work and listening to where it’s taking you can blossom into new and unexpected opportunities.Key Takeaways:[2:23] - Debbie started her career in TV, then she started writing, and her writing shifted. She did video production for international relief organizations, and moved into kid’s TV, and eventually decided that she wanted to write a book. Throughout all of these, she was pursuing other side projects that provided a different level of personal fulfillment. Fifteen years later, she’s still writing books.[6:12] - Debbie is finally at a point in her life where her career and her desires are woven together, and aspects of her past careers inform every aspect of her current work.[7:53] - Her work has always sort of revolved around marginalized groups in general, though she is pulled more in the direction of kids and teens. She worked in kid’s media, has volunteered and focused on working with underprivileged teen girls, and of course, is mom to her son Asher.[11:00] - Debbie’s son Asher is thirteen now, and what she calls “differently wired.” He has diagnoses of ADHD, Asperger’s, and is also profoundly gifted. As her only child, Asher gets a lot of her attention. As he was growing up, routine things took longer than normal, and Debbie had to learn how to be in work mode but drop things at a moment’s notice to attend to her son. There was a struggle prioritizing her work time with time for her son and also her own self-care. During this time though (2002-2016), she published 9 or 10 books, so she remained very productive during these years.[16:42] - A lot of creative people get to the point where they wait for a period of time where things calm down and say that’s when they’ll be able to do their work, so they don’t do it in the current moment. There can still be some great work done in the moments of chaos. For Debbie, she refused to let her personal work be impacted by the other things going on in her life.[19:05] - A lot of creative people have some sort of mindfulnesses practice, as well as an athletic or discipline practice. Being a runner is a huge part of who Debbie is, and it keeps her emotionally and mentally healthy. Her unapologetic nature about running transfers to other aspects of her life, where she sets goals and works for them, no turning back. For listeners, find a discipline that you can get into. The benefit will be great![21:40] - Debbie shares about the transition between sending Asher to school and the decision to homeschool him. Schools never seemed to be a good fit, and when Debbie’s family had an opportunity to move overseas, they made the decision to start homeschooling. She speaks about how it was scary, but she knew it was the right thing to do.[25:35] - Debbie started the Tilt Parenting website and podcast shortly after their move overseas. While raising Asher, she had trouble accessing information about how to navigate the journey of raising her son. She knew that she wanted to bring that information to other people eventually, and things fell into place for her to launch her Tilt platform, rather than waiting until the book was finished.[29:59] - It didn’t occur to Debbie to start Tilt earlier because she wasn’t ready to give up her work with teens. When they made the move to Amsterdam, it helped her to look at things in a different light and she made the space for a new body of work. She had to make a conscious choice to sort of let the work with teens go and dive into the new work for differently wired kids that was very personal to her.[36:18] - The idea for Tilt came from a moment when Debbie was at the Jersey Shore with her family and they rode the Tilt-A-Whirl. The name captures the idea of holding on and not necessarily knowing where things are going, as well as the idea that we need to tilt our perspective and allow differently wired children to tilt the future.[37:45] - At the very least, 1 in 5 kids in the US are differently wired. That’s a lot of kids, and even more parents. For the number of people affected, the resources really aren’t there for people to access. Often in the school system, these kids are seen as inconveniences because they require different accommodations.[41:05] - Debbie talks about how parents of differently wired kids are sometimes divided into different groups and compared against each other, which sort of forces them to be kept silent. One of the things she wanted to encourage with Tilt is to unite parents to advocate for the kids.[43:15] - Some of the disparities in our education system is that there are a lot of kids with different needs and capabilities, and the standard bell curve doesn’t really work for them (or many kids, at that). What makes it tricky for differently wired kids is that how they are is seen as a behavioral challenge, when really it’s how they cope and move through the world.[48:36] - Alternative education (like homeschooling) is not always an option for differently wired kids. It is important to figure out ways to work within the system and help both kids and parents learn how to advocate for their education. Debbie encourages parents to adopt a questioning mindset to explore experiences and create intention in behaviors.[53:40] - Debbie talks about the fluency map she created for her and Asher, and how it helps the parents and child become fluent in each other’s language. If parents become fluent in their child’s language and are attuned to little signs, then that can foster more trust and security in the way they relate to each other. It may also be helpful for the parents to share their language with their kids.[58:10] - Tilt is coming out June 2018, but has been finished since last July. In this book in particular, since the book was so personal and important, the process was more difficult than some of her other books. Since it’s been finished, Debbie has been focusing on her podcast and growing the audience of people they can reach.[1:01:00] - All creators know that when you finally finish whatever project you’re working on, you’re ready to show the work off. It can be hard when you have to wait to share the finished product. It’s a normal thing that happens, but it’s important to find a way to get back into the fight while you’re waiting.[1:06:40] - Debbie’s challenge for listeners is to recognize and start noticing our own implicit biases we might have against neuro-diverse people. Be aware of one point judgement starting to come in and where your default thoughts go, and invite curiosity on how you might approach the situation in a way that will begin to accept and embrace these people.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingDebbie ReberBooks by Debbie ReberTilt ParentingUnderstoodProductive Flourishing Podcast Episode 169 - Penelope Trunk: Asperger's, Creativity, and the Education SystemLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Ryan Haack is a writer, speaker, and blogger who was also born with one hand. Today’s episode is a re-run of episode 45, which is a Productive Flourishing favorite because it highlights that we’re each different, but it’s how we handle our differences that makes all the difference. Ryan uses what makes him different to inspire kids, parents, and teachers to explore how being different isn’t just something to cope with, but how being different is awesome.Key Takeaways:[2:05] – Ryan started his website, Living One Handed, back in 2011. It goes back to him being born without one hand, but consciously, this fact didn’t make a difference in his life for a long time. After an encounter at a restaurant with a mom and her son who was also born without a hand, he decided to use his online presence to help reach others and make a difference.[4:41] – Growing up, Ryan had an incredibly supportive family, school, and friends, and his physical handicap wasn’t a big deal to them because it wasn’t a big deal to Ryan. Starting the website challenged him to think about the fact that there are other people out there like him, and then figure out what kinds of struggles they face and how he could help.[7:20] – When we have an aspect of ourselves that’s different from the majority, we often have a double veil: the way we see ourselves and the way other people see us. For Ryan, he didn’t really have the veil of how other people saw him.[9:19] – Ryan’s left arm comes down just past his elbow, with the ability to bend it. He broke this arm and now has a steel plate and seven screws in it. Ryan has always been open about his limb difference. It really makes a difference in how people react and how they want to engage. Ryan embraces vulnerability and tries to be gracious, because he is in a position where he can also teach people.[14:30] – Ryan shares an example of his job in the hardware store and instances where he used to refuse help. Once you get comfortable enough with yourself that you know you can do things independently, you start to realize you don’t really have anything to prove. It can be easier to accept help then – this is a lesson we can all learn.[16:50] – In our society, there is a stigma attached to getting help from other people. We often view receiving help as being weak, and we don’t allow people who want to help us to give us that extra bit that we need. In the case of our differences, maybe it’s because we don’t want them to be on display.[19:15] – In a community made of people who have a visible difference, words are huge. There is a dual nature of “I’m not any different than you” but also bringing awareness to the fact that they are different from you. With his book, Ryan wants to encourage people to claim their differences and celebrate that being different is awesome.[21:38] – It is our differences that make us awesome and beautiful. They are not something that need to be hidden away. If we can’t talk about it, we can’t be seen.[22:00] - Ryan did a Kickstarter for his book, Different Is Awesome. After some experiences at his younger brother’s school and meetings with some other authors, he realized the idea he wanted to bring to life. Kickstarter seemed like a good platform because the book had specific appeal, but a broad message that could reach a lot of people.[25:18] - The Kickstarter project was a massive success. There was a lot of pre-launch work, and Ryan attributes a lot of the success to the short video they shot. The target amount they wanted to raise was $25,000, and he ended up with over 500 backers and made over $29,000.[28:55] - The message of Different Is Awesome is that different is awesome, and it shares the story of a little boy who brings his brother to class so they can ask him questions, and all the kids who are asking questions have something that makes them different. In the end, it fosters the discussion that we’re all different somehow, and encourages people to recognize and respect each others’ differences.[30:38] - Everyone is valuable just as they are. If we value ourselves, we will therefore value other people, and we’ll treat them that way. What Ryan stands for is helping other people believe that they are valuable, so it changes their lives and that of those around them.[34:26] - Ryan hopes people will feel encouraged and valuable based on the work he’s doing, and that he can provide hope and courage to them.Additional Links:Productive FlourishingRyan HaackDifferent is Awesome, by Ryan HaackRyan’s PodcastThe Art of Asking, by Amanda PalmerHarry and Willy And Carrothead, by Judith CaseleyLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Carey and Demir Bentley are the founders of Life Hack Bootcamp. This husband and wife team joins Charlie to talk about how radical self-care is the key to unlocking better work and more happiness. This topic is important to us all, because so many people think about their work as getting more work done – often, at the expense of living a better life. Both Charlie’s and Carey and Demir’s businesses center on helping people live rich, flourishing lives – to do that, you often have to shift your focus from your work, to your life.Key Takeaways:[2:25] – “The end of all human action is flourishing.” – Aristotle made this point to convey that we do things to thrive; we’re not just doing stuff for the sake of doing stuff. We often get into the habit of thinking that if we just get stuff done, the self-care, flourishing and thriving will happen. This usually does not end up being the case.[3:30] – In a Protestant work-ethic culture, there is a dangerous attitude about work: work is its own reward and you don’t need any rest. A deeper aspect of this culture is that your happiness and salvation also rely upon how hard you work. However, studies show that the most successful people don’t overwork themselves, and they value rest and self-care.[6:17] – If you buy into this culture, it can become a vicious cycle of always working to obtain the next level of happiness – it doesn’t encourage us to be content with where we are. In reality, the amount that we work and push ourselves is not correlated with how happy we are. Taking time for self-care can actually help you achieve rapid results without overworking yourself. There are two moments when people usually surge ahead: the first, when someone is sick of their work, but the more important one is after they’ve come off a long period of rest.[9:10] – Whenever there is a gap between focusing on getting something done and moving to something else, we have a tendency to fill it with something. We don’t know how to just allow ourselves five minutes to sit and think or chill out; we have to be doing something. It’s not enough to just take time off; it’s important to ask yourself if that time is truly restful.[12:50] – Charlie discusses how his metrics of productivity have shifted now that he has his book deal. This has allowed him to do a qualitative audit of how he spends his time. Back in June, he set some new parameters for himself to avoid burnout, and when evaluating how it was going, his new metric became not necessarily what the category of work was, but rather how much he enjoyed it. When deciding how to spend your non-working time, it’s important to pick something that rejuvenates and replenishes your energy, not something that drains it. Often times, what’s comfortable is not nourishing, and what’s nourishing is not comfortable.[18:30] – When you’re thinking about self-care, you might have to introduce a little more work in the sense that you pick an activity that may not be comfortable to do (exercise, for example), but that has payoff at the end.[18:55] – Carey and Demir started a new course called FAST Force, which focuses on time mastery as four aspects that work together: Focus, Attitude, Stamina and Time. You have to have and use all four of these things to achieve time mastery. They have people budget out all the hours in the week, not just their working hours.[23:05] – What’s missing in the productivity conversation these days is that you have to operate powerfully so that you can live powerfully. Sometimes it’s the reverse, and you have to live powerfully to operate powerfully. Charlie, Demir, and Carey share how this has played out in their lives with regards to career and lifestyle.[27:00] – When talking about personal change and self-mastery, you have to dial in what motivates you. As you move forward, you have to decide whether you’re willing to give something that you value up in order to make a change. In Charlie’s experience, most people aren’t willing to give up the thing they enjoy, but this allows them to create a firmer boundary so they are able to keep it and modify something else.[30:15] – Commit yourself to the things you want to do that will rejuvenate you, and that becomes a solid thing in your calendar. This will help ensure you get to do it every day, rather than leaving it as something you will do if you have time after work. Where people really get rejuvenated is when they have self-time alone doing the things that fill them up. The things that really fill our cup don’t cost anything.[32:05] – If you do feel the urge that you need to be more successful, ask yourself what’s driving that. A lot of times, our underlying attitudes can sabotage us without us even realizing it. Demir talks about the movie Office Space. The lesson of the movie is that when you decide first who you want to be and how you want to live, and then restructure work around that, it’s the beginning of tremendous success. This is how Carey and Demir have been able to create their flourishing lifestyle that brings them joy in both work and play.[36:00] – You don’t have to wait for the burn out or a wake-up call to start making the incremental changes that will benefit your self-care and make your life better. We find that when we really dig into what makes successful and happy people successful and happy, it’s the little things that they’ve made time to do that revive them. Give yourself the space to want what you want, and optimize yourself around that. It doesn’t mean you have to give up your success; it could actually be the start of the most successful times of your life.[42:45] – If you’re listening to this and it’s a lot to take in, you may not have found that thing that primes the pump for you. It’s about finding the activities that will help you make the most of the 168 hours you’re given in the week. Programming your personal time can help you enjoy it more.[46:00] - There are some areas in life where a scarcity mindset is beneficial. Time is a precious resource, and when we value our time, we allocate it with care and intention. There is enough time to be a good parent, a good business person, or a good person in your community, but you really have to get into a positive scarcity mindset.[49:35] - Carey is a huge proponent of integrating your work to-do list with your personal to-do list. Put everything on one to-do list and prioritize it all together. When there’s a reason, we find ourselves doing miraculous feats of productivity.[54:10] - If it’s worth doing, it’s worth planning to do. Whatever activity you’re doing, do it extremely. Make it worth your time and attention. What is an extreme example of being a good employee, or an extreme example of a good parent? Being extreme is a fundamental underpinning of how we think about approaching life.[59:24] – Carey’s challenge for listeners is to think about one thing that you’ve always pushed away from yourself as being too silly or childish, or a dream that you’ve had, and take an action that commits you to that. Chunk it down to something you can get a taste of in 15 minutes. Demir challenges listeners to realize that life is precious, and we don’t know how long we’ll be here. Really step into that emotionally and fully appreciate the 168 God-given hours each week. Ask yourself what you would do if you had to apply for a new 168 hours each week.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingLifehack BootcampDeep Work, by Cal Newport10% Happier, by Dan HarrisTriggers, by Marshall Goldsmith5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Barb Suarez is a health educator who specializes in the transformational events of pregnancy, birth, and parenting. She joins Charlie and Angela today to talk about the often unspoken realities of new parenthood, including how the process is identity-shaping for all three people, how to have a smooth transition that increases bonding, and how parenting and childbirth have shifted since the rise of the Internet and social media. If you’re thinking about having kids, in the process of having kids, have kids or have loved ones having kids, there are takeaways here that will help ensure that parents are doing their best to focus on what works best for them.Key Takeaways:[1:55] - Having a child is one of the most transformational events that happens in any person’s life. It is an identity-changing process for many of the people involved, and that can create some tension in different ways. It is a great time of transformation, but a lot of it comes down to how much people are willing to lean in and embrace that kind of transformation.[4:05] - Barb tells her story of how she landed in this line of work. Growing up, she was more of a tomboy than anything. When she experienced the birth of a dear friend’s child for the first time, she realized how much power she had as a woman to be a co-creator in the experience of birth.[5:37] - Barb is a health educator who specializes in childbirth preparation and new parenting. She started teaching her classes about twenty years ago. She feels lucky to be in a profession that is well-suited to who she is and what her strengths are, which doesn’t come around for everyone. In the last year, she has turned her blog into a full-blown website, and she’s starting to embark on moving her work out into the community.[8:40] - Somewhere in the pregnancy or after the birth, there is a moment of clarity and revelation where the magnitude of taking care of a whole other human being really hits you. A sense of vulnerability kicks in, and it seems to be amplified in this generation, due to the internet. The parenting that happened pre-internet and post-internet and social media are two very different things. Today, there is so much information available on parenting, but you have to discern what is right for yourself. Additionally, on social media, people typically only share the good stuff, rather than the challenges many parents are probably facing.[12:30] - One of the things Barb is most invested in through her work is helping people be okay with vulnerability, because it doesn’t go away. Seeking out what works best for a client and their family gives them something to rally around. Be careful about comparing your experiences to that of someone you read about on the internet, because they are curating the experience they want you to see, not necessarily their reality.[15:15] - Barb describes some of the ways she works to create a safe space for parents when there is so much misinformation out there, as well as external (and internal) judgement. Barb tries to create a sense of community in her classes by fostering camaraderie right from the beginning. She is very honest about the reality of birth, and how they can control their reaction to how everything unfolds. Throughout this process, it’s important to encourage curiosity and flexibility, as well as leaning into that vulnerability.[19:05] - She also encourages them not to plan, which is a big challenge for this generation. People want certainty. With an event like birth, even if you have a plan, the birth will unfold as it’s going to unfold. If it doesn’t go according to plan, you may be disappointed or even traumatized. Barb talks about how our brains interfere in these situations and can change our perceptions and how we react after the fact.[27:20] - In life in general, if you want to avoid being frustrated and upset, you can have low expectations. But the hardest and best thing to do is to have no expectations, and just be open to what happens. This is especially important to keep in mind when it comes to childbirth and the many ways it can unfold. Barb discusses medical intervention and how its use can lead to beautiful births.[31:15] - Does the vulnerability show up differently for new moms and dads? For many partners, childbirth might be the first time they really feel helpless. Barb tries to simulate and show what the experience will look like and be for the partner, so they will know what to expect. She also tries to highlight how the vulnerabilities will show up for the pregnant lady and her partner, so they can have a shared perspective.[36:06] - After the birth, there still may be different vulnerabilities. The pregnant woman has a head start on the events of pregnancy and childbirth. For her partner, it often doesn’t become real until the baby arrives.[37:00] - Her new classes are called “Becoming Us,” and one of the pieces they talk about is the process of catching up on the partner’s side, and addressing the change so they can get on the same page. This discrepancy can be a sense of shame and frustration for the partner, and maybe frustration for the birthing partner. They also talk about some of the things that are different for the mother and partner post-childbirth (partners often don’t get to be off work for extended periods of time, and only the mother breastfeeds) that still need to be taken into account when finding the shared perspective amongst their vulnerabilities.[42:17] - It is important to welcome partners into the parenting role, not by telling them how to do it, but by helping them figure out what they’re going to be an expert at. The two parents need to work together to figure out what each person’s strengths are, and which tasks they are going to divide and conquer, and support each other.[44:30] - The transition when the partner comes home is an important time to work together to smooth out the dynamic so it’s a productive and smooth transition. Some tips for this are to: 1. Give a heads up if it’s been a rough day and 2. Hold your baby outward facing when you catch up with your partner so the baby can start making connections, so they will feel comfortable when you hand the baby off. There’s a transition time that needs to happen for the entire family.[47:00] - A couple’s relationship can, and often will, take a hit on the other side of having a baby. It is important to normalize this because it is common among many couples. It’s not bad, but it can be hard. On the other hand, this event also has a possibility of creating a much deeper connection than you’ve ever experienced before as a couple.[49:46] - Overcoming adversity when there is a shared mission builds teams. Talking about the challenges you face can help you find a group to support you. Barb encourages couples to find a live and local tribe where you can share your successes and failures. Parents are almost all of the time trying to do the very best they can - sometimes they nail it, and other days it gets the best of them (sometimes, this happens all in the same day). Part of it is just about looking for the lessons of life as you’re going through this experience.[57:33] - Barb leaves us with this: stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking. Instead, find out what is working for you, stand behind it, don’t judge other people, and just carry on with some level of self-confidence and lessened anxiety.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingBarb SuarezBarb’s Blog: Birth HappensLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Today’s show features Andrea Owen, proud author of 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life and How to Stop Feeling Like S**t: 14 Habits That are Holding You Back From Happiness. Andrea joins Charlie today to talk about the habits and shame stories that hold us back from success. In this episode, they discuss how our stories, habits, and coping mechanisms lead us further away from being able to catch ourselves in the moment. **Disclaimer: this episode contains cable-friendly language, so be conscious of where and when you are listening.Key Takeaways:[2:40] - Her second book was a bit of a deviation from her first book, focusing on a different sort of pain point. The subject matter for the second book sort of found her, but she also listened to feedback from her clients, women in her community, and herself about things that they were struggling with. She started to notice and observe patterns and behaviors in her life and in those around her.[6:00] - Sometimes when writing a book you notice things that come up for you that you may not have been aware of before. Andrea originally thought she didn’t struggle with imposter complex (attributing success or accomplishments to luck or connections), but through the process of writing her book she realized that she did.[7:18] - Men and women experience imposter syndrome differently; women often experience the social aspect of being invested in what other people think as well as the competency aspect. Men don’t experience the social aspect quite as much. Charlie and Andrea talk about some of the consequences of these experiences, specifically when it comes to leadership. Andrea shares a specific example of one of her clients and how she perceived a situation in her annual review versus how a man might perceive the same situation.[13:25] - In cases like Andrea’s client, sometimes this can open doors to having hard conversations that may be awkward, but could help clarify the situation. The conversations don’t automatically need to be confrontational - healthy communication will never go out of style.[17:37] - Out of the 14 habits featured in her book, one of the most common that comes up is isolating and hiding out. This is when we’re in crisis or in some kind of struggle, and we think about reaching out to someone for help but we allow our self-talk to convince us we don’t need to tell anyone. Sometimes it’s because we’re ashamed of our personal struggle, or we’re worried about being a burden to someone else. These traits are very common, along with numbing out.[22:10] - As soon as we get uncomfortable, we start building and adding steps to get away from the discomfort. This can form a spiral where we become busy to avoid something and then when we’re ready to handle it, we’re too busy. Sometimes you have to strip those things away and just sit with the discomfort (or shame, boredom, or other emotion) and allow yourself to experience it and decide what you’re going to do with it. Sitting with these emotions can allow you to discover what you’re really avoiding.[24:15] - Discomfort isn’t the problem; it’s the feeling that we shouldn’t be uncomfortable that’s the problem. As we allow ourselves to experience the discomfort, we begin to expand our comfort zones. When we are presented with more challenges, we can choose to coast through, or embrace the challenge and grow to the next level.[26:48] - Charlie and Andrea discuss post-accomplishment depression. People may experience this after they reach a big goal they’ve been working toward. This affects how people feel about themselves, and often prevents them from talking to others about it.[29:45] - When we participate in behaviors like perfectionism, control, people-pleasing, etc, we’re allowing shame to be the ringleader. We manifest those habits to avoid shame, when we’re actually allowing it to control us. The win Andrea wants for people is to know - when you’re in that moment - that you’re doing something because of a shame trigger, and realign yourself to how you really want to be showing up in that moment.[32:52] - We want to shine the light on things that are uncomfortable, and focus on aspects of ourselves that we think are unloveable. Focus on one thing at a time - don’t try to tackle it all at once.[36:02] - We often praise busyness and busy work, but it’s important to focus on one virtue at a time. With personal mastery and personal growth, trying to work on too many aspects at once will probably end up resulting in less growth.[38:45] - A lot of our habits are rooted in self-talk, and our self-talk is our shame manifesting itself. Our shame and our self-talk help create our core beliefs. Focus on the way that you speak to yourself and how you compare yourself to other. Start there and allow it to bleed out into any of the other things you want to work on.[42:00] - Getting into a relationship with someone is a great way to figure out your triggers. Andrea shares an example of a time she and her husband got into an argument, and she found that it was easier to go to a place where she was planning a single life, rather than facing what she needed to own from the argument and discovering what the triggers were.[44:25] - Sometimes when we’re triggered and feeling uncomfortable, the first thing we do is look for the places where we can find control. We can notice and observe certain behaviors to use as red flags for when we’re feeling a certain way. The trick becomes using those indicators to hack your way back into what’s actually going on. Charlie talks about the HALTS (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and sick/stressed) behaviors as common indicators. When we do lash out, it’s important to own it.[50:30] - Sometimes when writing books, authors will write portions for themselves. For Andrea, some of the habits she can most relate with are control, overachieving, and being strong. She briefly describes her struggle with these habits.[54:20] - Andrea’s invitation/challenge is to really admit when you have screwed up - in a friendship, at work, or a romantic relationship. Instead of placing blame or making excuses to defend yourself, pause and take ownership and apologize to get a conversation started. Those are some huge and hard lessons, but they will help build trust and connections that can foster a new level of intimacy in any type of relationship.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingAndrea OwenBrene Brown52 Ways to Live a Kick Ass Life, by Andrea OwenHow to Stop Feeling Like S**t, by Andrea OwenFierce Conversations, by Susan ScottThe New One Minute Manager, by Ken BlanchardTouchPoints, by Douglas Conant & Mette NorgaardYour Brain at Work, by David RockLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Today’s guest, Kerra Bolton, is a journalist turned political communication strategist turned consultant who helps people and businesses get involved in their communities through business activism. Kerra joins Charlie on the show today to discuss what business activism is, and how it’s easier and safer than people think it is. You don’t have to pick the biggest and most controversial topics and alienate your customers to make a difference in your community. Making a difference in your community makes a huge difference to your customers.Key Takeaways:[2:30] - What is business activism? To Kerra, it means using your business to take a stand on social issues and/or to help in your community in some way that makes you a community leader through your business. Also using the resources of your business to meet the challenges and opportunities of your community.[3:35] - Perhaps today more than before, there is a call for more businesses and brands to get involved at a social and political level. Historically, business activism reflects culture. There was not the same call for businesses to take a stand, but many individuals channeled their money into philanthropy.[6:03] - For Kerra, there is a distinction between volunteering (and philanthropy) and activism. Volunteering is taking actions or a series of actions to alleviate suffering in some way. Activism is a set of actions towards changing political or public policy, or making social change via the political system. Business activism is when you as a business owner are using the resources and tools of your business to solve a particular problem in the community that you serve.[8:00] - Charlie shares the Patagonia example of business activism, and the stance they’ve taken in regards to the land of the national parks. This issue is something that is relevant to their business, and part of their business heritage.[11:35] - In addition to heritage, there are some other factors for businesses to consider when taking a stance. One is authenticity - businesses should treat activism as a movement, rather than as a moment. Another thing is team support; team support can help you flesh out ideas and provides different avenues for your activism to play out. The last thing to consider is the relationship your brand has with your audience. It can serve as a portal to deeper your audience’s engagement and inspire them.[14:30] - Business activism doesn’t have to be that extreme or big. There is a range of how much you can get involved, and you can still make a difference. Kerra’s advice is to start local, and look at the needs in your community and the communities that your business serves. This allows you to get involved without necessarily having to jump into the political fray. There are some safe groups you could serve: kids, pets, the elderly, and veterans.[18:11] - Some people may feel that if they get involved in business activism that they will lose customers, and it would be safer to not get involved. There are some benefits though. Getting involved at some level allows you to be part of the change, and also businesses can carry more sway than individuals being involved.[20:50] - Kerra has a background in media and politics. She has an understanding of how government works from the local level all the way up to Congress. After journalism, she joined the North Carolina Democratic Party has a state spokesperson. Kerra has also worked as a lobbyist and helping non-profits share their stories; she’s been very involved in public policy because that what she’s seen be successful in getting things done.[22:40] - Building relationships with your politicians can help with public policy. It’s not really that hard to establish relationships with them. They like knowing what people are saying locally because they don’t receive that information. From a business perspective, prioritizing your employees ability to make appointments to meet with legislators is an indirect way where your business doesn’t have to take a stance, but still supports political involvement.[28:30] - Kerra talks about her experience working with legislators and how her tenacity and persistence helped her develop good relationships with them.[29:35] - Another facet of business activism is community and customer solidarity. As a consumer, having a business or brand stand up for what you believe in gives a sense of community. As a business, you provide solidarity and promote customer loyalty as well as a form of change together.[31:25] - There are some ways not to get involved, and Kerra shares the examples of Pepsi and Papa John’s. It is not as effective for your business to jump in on the news of the day. You want to think long-term and issue-oriented.[35:57] - Social listening is a great opportunity to figure out what your customers are thinking about certain topics. Listening to not only their pain points but also the things that they hope for can help guide your activism.[37:20] - A final thing to consider is supporting a political entity versus a policy. Your donations to political parties can be traced, and a donation can tie you to a party or person. Issue-based advocacy is really the best way to go.[39:38] - Kerra’s invitation for listeners is to get off your phones and social media, and get into your community. Look around and notice who’s not being heard, think about what you love, and do some social listening to see what’s going on. Roll up your sleeves and find a way to get involved.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingKerra’s WebsiteLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

As the year comes to a close, we have a natural inclination to look back on what’s happened over the past year. Many of the Productive Flourishing readers and listeners have been asking questions about ways to do annual reviews or think about assessing the year. In today’s episode, Angela and Charlie talk through their new annual review worksheet, and share several tips on reviewing your year, as well as self-care during the holidays.Key Takeaways:[4:55] - A lot of time during the holidays, people have tension between being productive, spending time with family, and being in the season. Being with family and reflecting is a way of being productive, and it’s important to make time for those things.[7:10] - When you start thinking about the year in review, always start with the celebration of the things that you’ve done. Think about the top three things from the year that you want to remember. Charlie encourages people to separate their personal and professional lives into separate buckets to give both the credit they deserve.[10:47] - One of Angela’s biggest celebrations from this year in her professional was developing her new coaching practice, Clarity Coaching. This has gotten her back into the work that she loves the most, helping someone realize what they’re able to do. Her biggest personal celebration is the way she’s invited boundaries into her life in her relationships with people.[14:45] - Charlie’s biggest celebration in his professional life is his book deal! He’s under contract to write a book tentatively titled Start Finishing: How to Go From Idea to Done. They’ve also experienced a lot of growth with Productive Flourishing. In his personal life, his biggest celebration also had to do with boundaries, and taking a step back from some things to avoid burnout. This allowed him to get clear about the expectations and intentions for himself, and he was able to reclaim a lot of time.[19:10] - Do this reflection not only for yourself, but think about whether there is someone else in your life that can do this reflection as well so you all can celebrate each other. If you’re doing this with a team, make sure you explain why those things are important to you, because that’s where the real strengthening will happen.[22:20] - The next question on the worksheet is what three things challenged you the most over the past year. People often see a tight relationship between the things that challenged you professionally and the things that challenged you personally.[24:54] - The next question evaluates the top three lessons learned or reaffirmed. This is really pushing you towards a growth mindset. The goal is to not have to keep learning the same lesson over and over again. Later on in life, you may be learning the same thing, but it’s usually at a higher level.[27:03] - Charlie talks about the four steps of the Wayfinding Academy. The first step is knowing where you are, the second step is knowing where you’re trying go, the third step is having a road map between where you are and where you’re trying to get, and the fourth step is knowing how to get back on track when you get off-course.[28:30] - When thinking about the top three goals for the coming year, there are two different types. One is quantitative goals, and the other is more milestone or baseline goals. As you are thinking about goals, it’s important to get to a place where you can be sure you did it or you did not do it. This is also true for personal goals, so try to avoid vague goals that won’t motivate you.[31:35] - The next question to think about is what needs to change to be able to achieve those goals. Sometimes nothing needs to change, but for most people, something has to change. You may have to change your day-to-day focus to achieve your overall goal, or you may have to drop some things to make the time for a new focus.[37:10] - The next question asks what sprints, strategic projects, or experiments you could run to help you achieve those goals. Charlie goes over what each of these look like, and how you can utilize them to starting working on your goals. Sprints keep you in the project long enough that you’re still interested, but doesn’t drag it on.[42:08] - Moving through the worksheet, the next question encourages you to identify someone who will support you through the sprints, projects, and experiments. Whenever you have a “how” problem, find a “who” solution - there’s probably someone who has been in your shoes or can help get you moving forward. It also helps build your success team.[44:15] - The last major question on the worksheet is ‘When will you reach out to the people who can support you?’ Giving people advance notice of when you will need their help will increase their willingness and ability to provide support, and it also gives you enough time to pay it forward for that particular person. Ask them what you can do to support them in the meantime.[48:00] - In real time, these questions take about 15 or 30 minutes to sit down and work through. Charlie shares some final reminders for working through the sheet. 1. Remember to start from a place of celebration before getting into the challenges. 2. Continue to think about what affects your personal life and professional life discreetly, while keeping in mind that they often overlap. Treat your life like your work - carry over what works in your job into your personal life. 3. Be thinking about what needs to change, and focus on the internal changes more than external changes. 4. Think about who you are going to reach out to, and reach out to them early.[51:10] - Self-care is tied into all of these, especially looking at your goals, victories, and challenges. For this specific time of year, be sure to take some time to slow down and allow yourself the opportunity to reflect.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingProductive Flourishing Podcast Episode 121: How to be Intentional During the HolidaysProductive Flourishing Podcast Episode 108: How to Align Your Goals and Projects with Your Seasonal EnergyHow to Set SMART Goals on Productive Flourishing This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Lee Rankin, owner of Apple Hill Farm, an award-winning agri-tourism business in North Carolina. Lee joins Charlie on the show today to talk about the challenges and triumphs of starting a farm from scratch, and growing it while being a single mom in the middle of North Carolina. While the story is primarily about the farm, she encounters many of the same patterns and principles that we see in all types of creative work and businesses.Key Takeaways:[2:35] - When Lee was 40, she took her one and a half year old son to the Kentucky State Fair and she met an alpaca. In that moment, she realized that what she wanted to do was raise alpacas. When she had fulfilled her current commitment in Kentucky, she moved herself and her son to North Carolina and they found a property, and that’s how it all started.[6:00] - Alpacas date back to Incan times, and Lee thinks they have that same energy pattern intact, and that’s why people are drawn to them. This connection doesn’t seem to happen with just any animal.[8:30] - Along this journey, Lee not only learned about farming, but also learned a lot about herself. First and foremost, she learned that she doesn’t have to know how to do something to actually do it. It’s more about her wanting to do it, moving forward, and learning how to correct when she needs to go in a different direction.[9:54] - Looking back on it, Lee learned that she is much braver and more courageous than she had any idea. Charlie talks about “moral luck,”and the idea that there are times and spaces where we are in certain situations that allow us to manifest bravery and courage. We can’t always know or predict what we’ll do in a given situation.[11:38] - There were a lot of challenges in getting things started, and sometimes looking back on it, she can’t believe she made it through (while raising a child!). One of the first things that happened, about six months into raising alpacas, was that there was an attack on them and she lost four out of five of the alpacas. She discovered her bravery in her quick action and reaction in getting help. Because one lived, they were able to move forward.[16:50] - The alpacas they lost were insured, and although it wasn’t easy, they were able to use the insurance to purchase new alpacas. Had they not been insured, it would’ve been a great loss of money in addition to the loss of the animals. Lee explains a bit about the alpaca business model; their intention was to breed and show.[18:40] - They stayed in the selling animals business for a while, but they also gained some interest in people coming to visit their farm. Lee talks about some of the precautions they put in place to protect the alpacas (more animals), and how that became a story.[20:48] - There are many parallels between creative businesses and the farm business. What usually happens in businesses of all types, is that thing you originally start your business around is not always what makes it profitable. For Lee’s business, people were originally coming for the story around the tragedy, but now they keep coming back to the farm because they have a group of animals that work together and allow them to experience something they’re not used to seeing.[23:27] - The shift to agri-tourism started slowly, and they had to make some changes to become an agri-tourism farm. Lee had to have the animals handled in a way that allows her to spend time with the guests, and they also opened a store.[24:12] - Agri-tourism is tourism on a farm that has to do with agriculture or the land. People are interested in seeing and teaching these processes. They also attract families because families are interested in doing things they can do all together. Fundamentally, they are selling an experience.[27:20] - Alpaca fur is very popular because it’s hypoallergenic, and it’s hollow-cored so it’s warm without being hot. It’s also a natural fiber. There’s an element to it that is more than the sum of its parts that makes it very appealing to people.[30:05] - They have an incredible team of people who work at Apple Hill Farm. They have some employees who have been with them for several years, and they currently have a graduate student on the farm who is studying bumble bee DNA. They have some others who are in school, as well as several people who do things outside of their work on the farm. The team has a special bond, which enhances how they work together and interact with their guests on the farm.[33:55] - Lee has fostered a culture at the farm that is defined by kindness and respect, not just between the staff, but also extended to the guests. A strong leader on their team, Breann, also supports Lee in this idea.[36:23] - Lee really loves what she does and is passionate about it, which has made it hard to turn some things over. But she’s found that when she does turn something over, they grow. With Eric and Breann on board, they have separated tasks out so they’re each responsible for something, instead of Lee shouldering it all. This has led to them gaining some outside support as well, especially with the people who do their payroll, who celebrate their wins with them.[42:05] - There’s a difference between the responsibility load that you carry and the time it takes to do those things. When you can let that go, not only does it free up time, but it lifts the responsibility weight and allows you to focus on other things.[47:20] - Lee’s biggest challenge right now is still trying to find the time to step away and work on her memoir. She wants to step away at the same time the business is growing exponentially, but also doesn’t want to leave.[49:55] - They’re up 32% in number of tours compared to last year, and in terms of money brought in by the tours, they’re up 46%. Their year-to-date sales figures are up about 35%. Leaving this type of growth is difficult because it’s what Lee has been working for since it opened.[53:47] - To help manage the different tasks she does, Lee has days designated for certain tasks - accounting days, days set aside for writing, days on the farm, and rest days. She also manages her time throughout each day, and sets time aside for her to do something creative each day. The principles Lee practices work in a wide variety of contexts and businesses.[59:07] - Lee’s challenge for listeners is to look at what you’re doing from the standpoint of what is it that you’re giving that you need to receive, and start receiving it.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingApple Hill FarmHow to Be a Productive Powerhouse Using Time Blocking, by Charlie Gilkey for Productive FlourishingLeave a Review This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe

Mike Vardy, a show regular, joins Charlie to jam about using energy as the basis of your plans and reflections, rather than just time. They also talk about using feelings as a gauge for productivity, rather than mere output. A key goal of their work is to feel better physically and emotionally, and it’s important to address those aspects just as much, and maybe more, than what we’re getting done. Mike is the founder of Productivityist and has been a frequent guest on the podcast.Key Takeaways:[2:10] - So much of productivity is focused on time, when maybe focusing on energy-based productivity may give you more traction.[4:30] - We’re all productive during different times of the day, and our ideal day is going look different because we have different circadian rhythms. Our most productive times come around certain certainties we have based on the time of day. For Mike, it’s at night when he knows his kids are going to be in bed. That’s when he can get a lot of work done.[7:10] - It is important to set boundaries for your work and energy - this might be certain times of the day where you can fall into deep work without worrying about having to respond to others. These can happen naturally based on the times of day you are generally most productive.[12:50] - Figure out when you’re at your best, and structure your to-do list around that, rather than just letting it happen to you. As you begin working through your to-do list, you have to focus on what you can accomplish in your peak energy levels.[18:25] - Finding something to act as a trigger to keep you on track is important for making the best use of your energy. Mike gives some examples, like his kids watching Netflix or closing the rings on his Apple Watch. You can use these triggers to redirect you back to your priority tasks.[24:35] - The idea of triggers sounds more complicated than it is - it’s essentially just asking “Why am I here?” If you find yourself getting in your own way, or notice you’re doing something different than the task at hand, you can ask yourself why, and get yourself back to the original task.[26:30] - Mike and Charlie talk about intention versus attention - knowing what your intention is allows you to pay attention to whether you’re using your time and energy in the best way.[28:16] - People often conflate clarity and certainty - you can have clarity about what you need to work on, but have no certainty about when it comes up on a given day. We have more control than we’d like to believe, but you have to pay attention - it is about putting a framework in place that supports you.[35:43] - Sometimes, people are so focused on a linear model of time, when a circular model allows us to make the most of our time. There is flexibility in when you start your day, your week, or in Mike’s case, even the year. Having a plan and sticking to your plan can help make time work for you.[39:11] - A lot of people want to get “all the things” done. When you begin to evaluate how you’re spending your time in relation to your energy levels, it may feel like you’re getting less done. The focus becomes getting the important things done well, rather than ticking off boxes on a list. Too many people are trying to get as many things done as possible, because they equate productivity with how many things they did.[42:24] - Time is a valuable resource that we should spend wisely, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not okay to delay tasks to a later time, especially if you’re not equipped to get something done at that time. The important thing about putting off a task to a different time is to be intentional about when you’re going to pick it back up, or decide it’s not useful anymore.[47:00] - The more you do, the more people are going to want your time. Having your “bucket” of things you know you want to get accomplished some time down the road can help you protect your time when people start reaching out. Having things planned ahead allows you to prioritize and hold yourself accountable. It gives you the ammunition to say no, but also gives you the clarity to say yes.[51:05] - Mike encourages journaling, or some way to keep track of not just the quantitative aspects, but also the qualitative aspects of your energy and how you’re spending your time. Record how you feel physically and emotionally. This can also help you in the future to decide if it’s worth it for you to take on certain tasks.[54:16] - Mike invites and challenges listeners to start organizing your to-do lists by energy levels. Instead of working by project all the time, work by your energy levels to accomplish your tasks.Mentioned in This Episode:Productive FlourishingMike VardyProductivityistThe Front Nine, by Mike Vardy This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.productiveflourishing.com/subscribe