Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

Listen in as Christine answers the most common questions she gets: How do I have more energy?  Also how do we stop taking on other people’s stuff? And how do we go out and engage in our daily lives without feeling depleted? Don’t miss this quickie tip!!

This episode is about overcoming the fear of success and the fear of failure. During the coaching session with Becca, it is clear she intellectually knows what she needs to do to build her business, but she can’t commit to doing it. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode87] Everyone defines fear and success differently, but usually our fear of success has to do with being seen more, feeling unsafe, feeling more responsibility for changing, or changing or losing ourselves in some way. Our fear of failure normally has something to do with rejection, loss of money, or status, or security, judgment from others, or our own self-criticism that we endure if we fail. So, how do we overcome these fears? It's about more than taking action steps towards your goals. Maybe, you have tried to overcome it by just doing whatever it is. But, until you upgrade the beliefs and old triggers, which perpetuate the fear, you will continue to find yourself in your own way. Many people think money will make them feel better about themselves or make them more confident. But it doesn’t — confidence is an inside job. We can’t create self-worth from money, but we can create net worth from self-worth. When we have self-worth and do the internal work, we express our gifts and align with our higher purpose. We are then able to attract money to us. It is important for us to have a wealth consciousness. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe. My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.  Or, ask Jill about a private one-on-one session. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● What are your fears around failure or success? Do you know what to do when it comes to your business, but you aren't doing it? ● Is there a part of you that has longed to fit in? ● Do you feel guilty if you have too much good in your life? Becca's Question: Becca is about to start a new quest but she finds herself unable to get started. Becca's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She didn’t like growing up privileged. ● Cooking is her way of connecting to people. ● Guilt and shame were at the core of her eating disorder. ● She enjoyed having a secret, which was her eating disorder. ● She has an unhealthy relationship with money and success. ● Her guilt prevents her from stepping into her passion. ● She is scared not to have connections with people. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She needs a new image of what success and wealth look like. ● She should write out her new definition of fitting in, and her definition of success. ● She needs to give herself a feeling of longing and connection. ● She needs to work on feeling grateful. ● She should get a business coach. Takeaways: ● Write out your new definitions of success and failure. Get clear about how you want to define success. ● Write out your worst-case scenarios around success and failure. ● Identify the payoff of your negative emotions and find a way to get the payoff in a positive way. ● If you are starting a business, invest in a coach to help hold you accountable. Sponsor: Audible — Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial with this link.  Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat Sean Croxton Sessions Quote of the Day Show with Sean Croxton

Listen in as Christine gives you the cure for comparison and jealousy.  This advice is transformational if you implement it (and is way more effective than just attempting to “stop comparing!”). If you use this advice, you will see how comparison can actually be a very wonderful thing. 

This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session with Joanne is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode86] A lot of people believe they can heal the wounds from their own childhood by being a different kind of parent than they had. And while breaking generational patterns is incredibly valuable, it is only 50% of how we heal. We must mother or father ourselves with the same unconditional love and attention we give our children. Two things often come up as blocks when we attempt to take quiet time for ourselves. One, the guilt or expectation that we should be doing other things that are "more productive." Two, feelings we may not want to deal with can surface when we take quiet, meditative time. People who have children sometimes say, "My children are my teachers." When you have children it is common for things from your childhood to be triggered. Suppressed or forgotten memories start to come forward. It is important for parents to acknowledge there may be something for them to learn from it. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe. My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining. Consider/Ask Yourself: ● What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself? ● How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself? ● How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself? ● When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other 'to-dos' take priority? Joanne's Question: Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care. Joanne's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She’s aware of how important self-care is. ● She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby. ● She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up. ● She wanted love, attention and acceptance from her mother. ● She broke generational patterns. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child. ● She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is. ● She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way. Takeaways: ● Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out. ● Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents. ● If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook. ● Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat University of Santa Monica

Christine responds to questions from listeners.  The first topic is around how to set healthy boundaries and break toxic patterns with family members.  The second question is regarding whether avoiding disappointment is possible.  Listen in as Christine talks about dealing with “Expectation Hangovers” and how to purse goals without setting yourself up for a let down. Links: Join Christine and Aubrey Marcus for a retreat open to men and women: LOVE, PRACTICE MAKES THE MASTER. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-practice-makes-the-master-tickets-33443861490 Dealing with disappointment? Want to learn how to transform what Christine calls an “Expectation Hangover” into a massive opportunity for growth?  Be sure to get her latest book here:https://www.amazon.com/Expectation-Hangover-Overcoming-Disappointment-Work/dp/1608682412  

This episode is about taking steps towards your dream. Today’s caller, Daniel, is passionate, and his enthusiasm is contagious when he talks about his music. When he deviates from his dream to take jobs just to pay the bills, he gets depressed. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode85] I like to say, dreams are actually our inner psychic knowing what is to come to us. Things we feel called to, from our heart. How do we know what is coming from our hearts and what is coming from our ego? Get clear about it by reading my What’s the Difference Between Sacrifice and Compromise? Vlog post. Our head has wants; our heart has desires. When we are not listening to our heart or we are not pursuing the things we love, a part of us may start engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. It's important to not have the soul sucked out of us. Feed your soul and do things to fulfill your creativity and your passion. Don't let anything suck the soul out of you! Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. If you don’t know Aubrey, go back and listen to the Coaches Corner, Go For Your Win. He is a seeker who appreciates consciousness above all else. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master.   Consider/Ask Yourself: ● What are your dreams? Are you giving yourself permission to pursue them? ● Have other people’s doubts or comments about your dreams prevented you from listening to your own inner guidance? ● Do you have a limiting belief that you are too old, too unqualified, or too poor to go after what you want? ● If you are in pursuit of a dream, are you actively and consistently taking steps toward it?   Daniel's Question: Daniel wants to know which action steps he should take to pursue his dreams.   Daniel's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He feels pressure to get a regular job. ● He is a perfectionist. ● He doesn’t know if he is practical or irrational.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should go for it 100%; get his work out there, and identify people to emulate. ● He should put together a demo reel. ● He should hustle for a year before making a decision about additional schooling. ● He should compose his personal mantra.   Action Steps: ● What is your dream? ● Are you going after your dream? If not, why not? What is your excuse? ● What is one action step you can take to move toward it? ● Post your action step as a comment to the show notes so that I may root you on!   Resources: Christine Hassler What’s the Difference Between Sacrifice and Compromise vlog post Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat Upwork Elance

Listen to this reassuring message from Christine that will remind you of the truth of who you are.

This episode is about not feeling good enough. Today’s caller, Jen, knows it is not good to believe she is not good enough, but she feels her problem is insurmountable. The essence of who Jen is isn’t broken, it’s just a pattern she’s comfortable in. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode84] Jen is experiencing a limiting belief. It shows up in a variety of ways, like her feeling not deserving, feeling broken, or not being lovable. It can lead to insecurity, people pleasing, body image issues, eating disorders, and accepting dysfunctional relationships. During the call, I allow Jen to go on for a while because I am waiting for her to ask for help. For those of you who are being coached or in therapy — If you are more committed to keeping your story than to truly letting go of it, you are uncoachable. We all get attached to our limiting beliefs, because they are familiar, comfortable, and often get us the attention we are seeking and the validation or sympathy for how hard life is. There is merit to discussing our past, and healing memories. But, we must do it with vulnerability, compassion, and forgiveness so we can let it go, to get over it and on with what we want to create. Awareness without action is merely psychological entertainment. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend. If you don’t know Aubrey go back and listen to the Coaches Corner, Go For Your Win. He is a seeker who appreciates consciousness above all else. The focus of the retreat is becoming masterful at love. Sign up for this incredible retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining my Inner Circle membership community.   Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Do you struggle with not feeling good enough? Do you doubt you are worthy or capable of having the things you truly want? ● When you get close to the things you want, do you often sabotage it or doubt you can keep it? ● Do you make your ‘enoughness’ conditional?   Jen's Question: Jen wants to know how to move past her past traumas, and change her narrative.   Jen's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She is holding on to an old pattern because it’s comfortable. ● She believes her failed relationships and loss of friends is her fault. ● She withdraws and isolates herself. ● She gets her value from external validation. ● She is not seeing her life accurately.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She needs to commit to shifting and interrupting her ingrained patterns. ● She can stop her thoughts of not being good enough, and create a new neural net. ● She should take a lesson from the children she works with. ● She should get a photo of her younger self and talk to it. ● She should create of voice memo of positive sayings to herself.   Assignments: ● How attached are you to your story? Stop telling your sob story. ● Practice release writing to release emotions. ● Stop your thoughts and redirect them with the help of the ‘Whoaing’ technique in Expectation Hangover. ● Get a picture of your little one and use it as a way to generate love and self-acceptance.   Sponsor: Audible — Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial.   Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com Love: Practice Makes the Master Retreat

Jennifer is a therapist who is feeling physically depleted after working with clients.  Christine gives her best tips for protecting her energy and serving people in a way that is energizing, not depleting.  James is 54 years old and has worked at the same office job for three decades. He is interested in shifting to becoming self-employed but is disappointed he has not been able to get his new career off the ground. Listen in as Christine addresses both these topics.   Links mentioned: Love: Practice Makes the Master!  Join Christine and Aubrey Marcus for an empowering and transformational retreat in Austin.    https://www.eventbrite.com/e/love-practice-makes-the-master-tickets-33443861490   EP 83: Letting Go of Parental “Mistakes” with Cathy. Make sure to listen to this episode to hear Christine talk about the difference between sympathy and compassion.h christinehassler.com/2017/04/episode83/    

This episode is about breaking the cycle of generational patterns. Today’s caller, Cathy, experienced corporal punishment as a child, and finds herself doing the same thing to her daughter. As you listen to the call, I hope you are able to separate her character from her behavior. Her behavior is a reaction to her past. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode83] I’ve said many times, parenting does not come with an instruction manual. Often, we play out behaviors we learned from our parents. It requires a conscious awareness to know what behaviors we want to leave in the past, and which we pass on to our children. We need to have deep compassion for our parents and then forgive them, to stop repeating generational patterns. Stopping the cycle entails awareness, healing of our past hurts, and then the reparenting of ourselves to become the loving parent we never had. Abuse continues because the victim never heals. The victim either becomes the abuser or internalizes the abuse. Often, people do not share about past abuse, because there is so much shame. This is not just true for abuse, it is for any generational pattern. Coaches Tip — When clients share things that are hard to hear, don't go into judgment or sympathy. If you catch yourself doing so, say, "I forgive myself for judging or feeling sorry for this person," then shift back into compassion. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend. If you don’t know Aubrey, he is the CEO & Founder of the human optimization company, ONNIT. The focus of the retreat will be about Mastering Love, for men and women.  Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining my Inner Circle membership community.   Keep These Distinctions in Mind: ● Acceptance versus judgment. ● Compassion versus sympathy.   Cathy's Question: Cathy wants to understand how she may have adversely affected her daughter's self-esteem.   Cathy's Key Insights and Ahas: ● She feels she made mistakes with her first daughter. ● She finds herself going back to the parenting tactics of her parents. ● She didn't like being a girl growing up. ● Her daughter is mirroring her. ● She has unresolved issues from her childhood. ● Her mother didn't defend her.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should talk to her younger self through a photo, and tell herself she did not deserve the punishment she received. ● She should work with a counselor or a coach who has experience with childhood traumas. ● Research parenting and discipline tools. ● When she gets triggered, she should practice giving herself a time out.   Assignments: ● Get a picture of little you and commit to sending love to the little boy or girl inside of you. ● If you are aware of your need for healing, get professional to walk you through it. ● If you find yourself triggered by something, give yourself a time out. ● Use the scientist technique of Expectation Hangover and become an observer in your life. ● Consider what patterns you want to pass along to your children, and which ones you want to break the cycle of. ● Read Family Secrets by John Bradshaw and Conscious Parenting by Shefali Tsabary.