Life Coaching with Christine Hassler EP 86: Why You Neglect Your Own Self-Care with Joanne
This episode is about becoming a loving parent to ourselves. My coaching session with Joanne is a beautiful example of how important it is to give ourselves the love or attention we did not receive from our parents. Even if you had super loving and attentive parents, you should still be giving yourself the same kind of love.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode86]
A lot of people believe they can heal the wounds from their own childhood by being a different kind of parent than they had. And while breaking generational patterns is incredibly valuable, it is only 50% of how we heal. We must mother or father ourselves with the same unconditional love and attention we give our children.
Two things often come up as blocks when we attempt to take quiet time for ourselves. One, the guilt or expectation that we should be doing other things that are "more productive." Two, feelings we may not want to deal with can surface when we take quiet, meditative time.
People who have children sometimes say, "My children are my teachers." When you have children it is common for things from your childhood to be triggered. Suppressed or forgotten memories start to come forward. It is important for parents to acknowledge there may be something for them to learn from it.
Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend for men and women. The focus of the retreat is Love: Practice Makes the Master. There will be yoga, breathing exercises, ecstatic dance and more. Come and become part of the tribe.
My Inner Circle Membership Community is an eclectic community where anyone can find a home. Transformations and bonds are created by people sharing and connecting with each other. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
● What kind of parent are you to yourself? Would you talk to or treat a child the way you talk to or treat yourself?
● How did you feel loved and nurtured by your parents? Are you giving the love and nurturing to yourself?
● How did you not feel loved and nurtured? How can you start giving that to yourself?
● When it comes to self-care and making time for yourself, do you find other 'to-dos' take priority?
Joanne's Question:
Joanne finds it challenging to provide herself self-care on a routine basis. She continually gives other things priority over her self-care.
Joanne's Key Insights and Ahas:
● She’s aware of how important self-care is.
● She feels mom guilt when she is not spending time with her baby.
● She is mirroring a pattern her mom had when she was growing up.
● She wanted love, attention and acceptance from her mother.
● She broke generational patterns.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● She needs to mother herself in a way she wasn’t mothered as a child.
● She needs to acknowledge herself for the mother she is.
● She should talk to baby Joanne and be with her in a mothering way.
Takeaways:
● Make ‘you time’ a priority, and leave a space open for your feelings to come forward. Suppressing your feelings through distraction will eventually wear out.
● Give yourself the love you crave from your parents, or that you got from your parents.
● If there are issues from your parents to be addressed, write them a forgiveness letter and let them off the hook.
● Have a conversation with your younger self, and tell them anything you yearned to hear from mom or dad but didn’t.
Resources:
Inner Circle Membership Community
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