Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about releasing addictive patterns by remembering the love within us. Today’s caller, Linda, recently ended an on-again-off-again two-year relationship. She questions which wounds are causing her patterns. We discuss her soul’s journey, how she is not broken, and how she can help herself feel safe, seen, and loved.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode300]   It is often unresolved issues from our past hurts, wounds, and things that were hard to go through that impacted our beliefs, attachment style, trauma response, and psyche. However, it is important not to see ourselves as wounded or broken. Personal development is best addressed as a learning opportunity, not from a fix-it mindset.   When we don’t have a great model for love and when we feel worthless, relationships, even unhealthy ones, are going to be addictive. Because, often, we confuse love for something familiar.   Even if you are an addict or have been in the past it doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. Just the fact you’re listening to this show and this kind of information, means you are a seeker. You want out of the addiction, patterns, bad relationships, and the scarcity mentality. It can be frustrating if you feel you have a long way to go but acknowledge the wisdom of your soul for at least getting you to where you are now.   You will get farther if you continue to be proud of yourself for where you are.   If you have been wanting to join my Personal Mastery Course but just haven’t done it yet, now is a great time to sign up. On July 8, 2021, there will be a one-day event including personal coaching from me. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to join. The call will be recorded if you cannot make it live.   Consider/Ask Yourself Are you still in a relationship or not quite over a relationship you were in and out of, that on some level you know wasn’t good for you but you just can't seem to let go? Did you have an absentee parent or parents or caregivers who didn’t give you the security and safety every child truly deserves? Are you learning how to love yourself and think that maybe you have forgotten? Are you trying to figure out what wound in your life is creating some of the undesirable events?   Linda’s Question: Linda has been in an on-and-off relationship and would like to know which childhood wound is creating this pattern.   Linda’s Key Insights and Ahas: She recently ended an on-and-off two-year relationship. She feels she lost herself in the relationship but is attached and addicted to it. She was critical of herself as a child. Her parents divorced when she was three and she lived with her grandparents. She was bullied for many years as a child. She feels safe hiding and not being seen. She would like to feel loved. She goes back to the relationship because of shared interests. She wants to spend time on her own and remember how to love herself. She has feelings of abandonment and rejection. She needs to feel seen and that someone is there for her.   How to Get Over It and On With It: She needs to remember how much she loves herself. Write a list of all the things that did not work in the relationship and read it when she feels like reaching out to him. Write a list of the amazing things about herself and read it every day. Turn up the voice of her inner parent to feel safe, seen, and loved.   Takeaways: If you are in a relationship you feel attached or addicted to and you continually justify it in your head, take off your rose-colored glasses and ask yourself if you have a high tolerance for putting up with crap. Focus on falling back in love with yourself.   Sponsor: STORYWORTH — is an online service that helps your Dad, Grandfather, father-in-law, and every father figure in your life share stories through thought-provoking questions about their memories and personal thoughts. Storyworth has helped numerous families learn about each other in profound and special ways. After a year, Storyworth compiles stories and pictures in a keepsake book that ships for free. Give your Dad a meaningful gift Storyworth.com/overit and get $10 off your first purchase.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Want to learn how to reduce (even eliminate) things like anxiety, depression, obsessive thinking and stress? Then you are going to love my conversation with Dr. Carolline Leaf. She is a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist, specializing in cognitive and metacognitive neuropsychology. Since the early 1980s, she has researched the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health and the formation of memory. She was one of the first in her field to study how the brain can change (neuroplasticity) with directed mind input. During her years in clinical practice and her work with thousands of underprivileged teachers and students in her home country of South Africa and in the USA, she developed her theory of how we think, build memory and learn, creating practical guides and tools that have transformed the lives of hundreds of thousands of individuals with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), learning disabilities (ADD, ADHD), autism, dementias, and mental ill-health issues like anxiety and depression.   You can learn more and get her book at: https://drleaf.com/

This episode is about radical self-acceptance. Today’s caller, Sylvie, has had therapy, done tons of personal development work, and speaks with her inner child but still feels blocked. We discuss ways she can reframe her perception of what her awareness is bringing up and how she can fully accept and love herself and her human experience.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode299]   When we have something we criticize, don’t like, or want to change and the way we relate to it is with judgment and shame and guilt, it amplifies it because all of our fears are seeking to be loved. We have the need to be seen and to be loved.   When it comes to the parts of ourselves that we judge and shame just pushing through our response to it, our freeze pattern, can re-traumatize us and reinforce wounds. So, instead of pushing through it, bring love to it.   We continue to get “negative” or undesirable experiences, not because we are being tested or the universe wants to punish us, but because our soul is always seeking to evolve. It is looking for a new way to respond to the circumstances. Circumstances don’t just stop when we have an awareness about something. When we have an awareness and we know why we are drawing certain things into our lives, we work through it, and then the same thing comes to us again because we need to practice integrating it.   If you missed our juicy group call on love, sex, and intimacy last week go to Christinehassler.com/group-coaching-replays to download it and check out all previous calls for only $20.   Join us for our Relationship Course on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipcourse. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other’s needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome.   Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, “Your Heart, Your Life,” I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use the promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.   Consider/Ask Yourself Have you done all the work but feel like things just are not changing? Do you freeze or just feel bolted down when it comes to putting yourself out there and making a request when selling your business? Did you grow up in a home where you weren’t nurtured and loved, especially when you made mistakes? Do you have a very critical judgmental voice inside your head? When you fail or make a mistake do you experience shame and guilt?   Sylvie’s Question: Sylvie fears rejection. She has done personal development work but still feels blocked.   Sylvie’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has been working to heal her traumatic childhood. She has a critical inner judgment. She is proud of her personal transformation. She talks with her inner child. She feels she is on the cusp of a breakthrough. She feels she is not reaching her potential. She is an empath and sees the world differently. She puts a lot of pressure on herself. She is starting her personal chef business but is hesitant to talk about it to others. She didn’t feel safe and nurtured as a child. She needs to feed herself the love she feeds to others.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Move into acceptance and move out of “fix and heal.” Ask what her triggers want her to know. Consider the worst-case scenario and play it out in her mind. Connect and tap into the big “why” of what she is doing. Regulate herself when she feels the “freeze.”   Takeaways: When you are in a trauma response such as worry or freeze think about the worst-case scenario and play it out. Bring unconditional love and acceptance to your undesirable feelings. Take an inventory of the personal growth information you are consuming. If something makes you feel shame or somehow inadequate, stop ingesting it. Listen to Episode 297 where I describe how to regulate the nervous system.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

My longtime friend Kute Blackson joins me this week to discuss the magic of surrender. Surrender is one of those sexy spiritual words that we often do not truly understand or experience.  Kute shares with us how we can actually surrender and the magic it brings to our lives when we do.   Kute Blackson is a beloved inspirational speaker and transformational teacher. He speaks at countless events he organizes around the world as well as at outside events. He is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, a select group of one hundred of the world’s foremost authorities in the personal development industry. Winner of the 2019 Unity New Thought Walden Award, Blackson is widely considered a next generation leader in the field of personal development. His mission is simple: To awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their true life’s purpose.

This episode is about how to get your needs met in an intimate relationship. Today’s caller, Shaun, is looking for guidance on how to re-open his heart and rekindle the warmth for his partner whom he loves. We discuss strategies for getting beyond the hurts and moving toward understanding and compassion. We often love the way we need to be loved instead of loving a person the way they need to be loved.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode298]   As much as we want love and connection in a relationship, the thing we want even more is not to get hurt or lose our power. Often, we put more energy into avoiding what we don’t want than creating the relationship we do want because that’s what we need to do to survive.   Our intimate relationships are often the very fertile ground where we work out any issues from childhood we haven’t quite resolved. If we were criticized a lot in childhood, it can come up in a relationship. If we were anxious or didn’t feel safe, that is going to come up. If there was cheating within our parent’s relationship, that is going to come up. Jealousy, abandonment, all the things we felt as children tend to come up in romantic relationships because romantic relationships are our adult family.   Remember, our relationship with our primary family is the intimate relationship that forms the foundation for all future intimate relationships.   Whenever we are in an argument, or rut, or tension with our partner, the most important thing that we can do is get to a level of understanding and compassion with ourselves and our partner to understand what the need is that is not being met inside of ourselves. We discover the unmet need that is triggering us and making the situation hard. Then, we look at our needs and then at our partner’s needs and take responsibility for communicating the needs in a clear, specific, non-blaming way.   It is important to be clear with our partners about how we need to be loved.   Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. But if you make it live you have an opportunity for live coaching. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss aligning values, getting better at fulfilling each other’s needs, and communication tools. Couples and singles are welcome.   I’ve partnered with Hiitide, which is an online book club and micro-course to help you apply principles from my book, Expectation Hangover, to your daily life. Turn the book into action. Get 28-days of easily digestible prompts and exercises delivered to your phone. A live Q&A session with me is included. The project launches July 1, 2021. Go to ChristineHassler.com/bookclub to learn more. Podcast listeners get 25% off by using the code 'Hangover25' at checkout.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you feel like your heart is not open to your partner? Do you feel like there are things that happen in your relationship you can’t forgive, can’t shift, or can’t get over? Are there issues from your childhood that may be playing out in your relationship? Are you in a dynamic of being avoidant and it produces anxiety in your partner, or vice-a-versa?   Shaun’s Question: Shaun would like guidance on how to re-open his heart to his partner.   Shaun’s Key Insights and Ahas: He has been in his relationship for nearly five years. He doesn’t feel the closeness he once felt. He loves his partner. Both partners get triggered during arguments. He was bullied as a child and felt attacked. His dad wasn’t around as much as he would have liked. His parent’s marriage was passionless. The dynamic in his partner’s family was competitive. He tends to dissociate during arguments.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Ask his partner what she needs. Set his partner up to win. Attend our upcoming relationship retreat. Have a ‘needs’ conversation with his partner. Get specific about how he wants his needs met. Make his relationship his top priority.   Takeaways: When triggered in a relationship, consider what needs are not being met.  Make your current or future relationship a priority. Join us for our relationship retreat June 11-13, 2021.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Today Asterian Astrologer Jade Luna joins me again to discuss how the stars predicted this time we are in, what we can learn from it and how we can move forward. Jade and I speak about what life is really about and what the most important things that each and every one of us can do right now to live our most aligned and true lives.   Jade S. Luna is the first Westerner ever to reconstruct Jyotish (Hindu Astrology) into a Greco-Roman format. Jade has traveled extensively around the planet, lecturing and conducting workshops on Astrology and Ancient Roman-Greco mysticism. He has traveled to India more than 30 times and spent a great deal of time with various teachers, Saints and Sadhu’s in Asia. Jade also consults with people privately. He usually presents a few seminars each year at various locations world wide. He is the author of Asterian Astrology and has been one of the most successful Astrologers in the world and has maintained a high level practice for over 18 years. You can learn more or book a session with him here: http://www.asterianastrology.com

This episode is about regulating the nervous system and dealing with past pains. Today’s caller, Lara, is looking for guidance on how to cultivate a sense of safety and security. We work through a body practice to regulate her nervous system and bring her into calm.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode297]   Feeling safety and security isn’t a mental thing. They have to be felt in the body. When we feel safe and secure, the nervous system relaxes, the body gets out of our survival brain and it comes into a rest-and-digest stage where the nervous system can regulate.   With a dysregulated nervous system you cannot shift it by talking, analyzing, or awareness. It becomes frustrating because you can see your anxiety and you understand why it is there and explain your reasons for having anxiety. But, just being able to explain something doesn’t change it. The healing or the fixing of it becomes another obsession. What it comes down to is the creation of safety and security. We are always trying to get back to feeling safe and secure.   The human body and the nervous system are very resilient, as is the human spirit, but we cannot shift and change when we think we are broken. We need to have compassion for ourselves and one of our most valuable inner resources is our ability to ask for help.   Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.   Tuesday, June 1 at 5 pm (PT) I will host another group coaching call for only $20. To sign up go to ChristineHassler.com/group.   Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, “Your Heart, Your Life,” I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use the promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you constantly feel anxious or deal with obsessive thoughts? Have you outsourced your worth or your sense of safety? Are you looking for it in your achievements, a relationship, or even your appearance? Do you crave to be in a relationship, then when you get in them, they’re not healthy? Do you have trouble regulating your nervous system and bringing yourself into a calm?   Lara’s Question: Lara would like to know how she can cultivate a sense of trust and safety and guidance on how to stop filling her void with external things or men.   Lara’s Key Insights and Ahas: She does not feel worthy or good enough. She struggles with binge eating. She tries to outsource her worth through her appearance, men, or achievements. She has had manic episodes. She craves being in relationships and wants to be saved. She over-analyzes everything she does. She feels stuck. She has a sharp mind and a lot of self-awareness. She grew up with inconsistency and chaos in her childhood. Her mother was not there for her as a child.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Recognize when her nervous system is dysregulated and greet it with compassion. Put her hands on her belly and chest and then breathe deep and make a “VUUU” sound. Hold a stuffed animal and rock back and forth to soothe herself. Give herself the parenting and the developmental stages she didn’t get. Go to the people and sources that give her motherly love.   Takeaways: Consider the indicators when you go into survival mode then recognize and accept them. Have compassion for yourself. Move into a source of regulation such as breathing, holding a stuffed animal, rocking, etc. Stop trying to shift a dysregulated nervous system with your mind. Remember, nothing is broken or wrong about you.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about having difficult conversations with our parents. Today’s caller, Max, is trying to avoid being triggered when he speaks to his father. We discuss how Max can ease the impact on his inner child and not experience an expectation hangover.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode296]   If a parent or someone we love opens the door to have a conversation we want to run right through and share everything we have been wanting to say for the last 20 years. The other person may feel bombarded and not be ready to hear everything we have to say in one conversation.   If you are offered an open door with someone who has been closed for a very long time, do not rush through it thinking it is a green light to speak about everything you have been holding in for decades. Sometimes we need triggering events to create momentum and shifts in a relationship. It is better to approach the situation slowly.   *Coaches — this is where you want to be mindful with your clients. For someone who has a triggering relationship, if they have an opportunity like that you want to support them and guide them through walking through the door slowly. Coach them toward taking baby steps so they don’t end up with a massive expectation hangover.   Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you have patterns of escapism? Is there a parent whose love you are seeking? Do you seek out their love in unhealthy ways? Have you always felt like one or both of your parents don’t understand you? Do you feel so different from your family you don’t know if you will ever fit in?   Max’s Question: Max would like advice on how to keep himself grounded when he speaks with his father.   Max’s Key Insights and Ahas: He was disloyal in his relationship. He knew avoidance issues were a pattern throughout his life. Love and sex are separate for him. He is the oldest of six children. His childhood family was emotionally suppressive. His father struggled with alcohol abuse and infidelity. His biological mother abandoned him. He then escaped to Mother’s house later in life. He does a lot of personal growth work. He has opposing views from his family about current events. He wants a compassionate embrace from his father. He wants to escape when he feels overwhelmed. He is learning to set boundaries.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Set an intention of having his father get to know him better. Figure out what little Max needs. Approach his relationships slowly, in a way that does not shock his inner child.   Takeaways: If you are going to have a conversation with someone who has opened a door, write out some questions or comments. Go into those kinds of conversations prepared so your nervous system doesn’t go into overdrive.  When making a big decision, check in with your inner child and do not push yourself. Taking baby steps can be powerful.   Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Ladies, when was the last time you treated yourself to a perfectly fitted new bra or loungewear? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. They have a 100% fit guarantee.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you are someone who prides themselves on "being strong" and not great at asking for support, this episode is for you!. Elayne Fluker is the author of the new book, Get Over "I Got It" (HarperCollins Leadership) -- is the host of the Support is Sexy podcast featuring interviews with more than 500 diverse women entrepreneurs, and founder of SiS.Academy -- an online learning platform for Black Women entrepreneurs.

This episode is about healing trauma. Today’s caller, Anne, is a musician who wants to expand her creative expression but feels blocked due to the sexual abuse she experienced. She has done a lot of personal development work but still has difficulty fully expressing herself. She wants guidance on how to navigate through her trauma to heal it.   [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode295]   Trauma impacts and/or injures the nervous system. When a person experiences extreme trauma the brain goes into survival, which means fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The brain is always on the lookout for danger and it is exhausting. That is why we experience fear and anxiety.   I can’t label what “extreme” is because two people can have the same situation happen to them and one person may register in their nervous system as not that big of a deal, but another person with the same circumstances can register it as a really big deal.   When we are healing trauma it is not about reliving it. It is about providing space for somatic emotional release and working with a person to regulate their nervous system. It is about coming out of the survival brain and moving back into the “rest and digest” part of the nervous system, moving from the sympathetic nervous system which is on alert, and into the parasympathetic nervous system.   The personal development/self-help world can be misleading, perhaps even damaging, for people that have experienced extensive trauma like rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse, racial trauma, etc. Often, there’s an expectation or ethos in the personal development industry that you just need to shift your mindset about something and find the lesson of it. Or, that challenging experiences make you stronger or you can meditate your way through anything. It leaves a lot of people feeling like they are failing at personal development.   Join us for our virtual Relationship Retreat on June 11‒13, 2021. It will be recorded if you can’t make it live. Go to ChristineHassler.com/relationshipretreat. We will discuss masculine and feminine energy, polarity, and the duality of all things. Couples and singles are welcome.   Check out my new audio course on the Himalaya Learning App. Himalaya is an audio learning platform that provides an extensive library of courses from great minds such as Malcolm Gladwell, Tim Ferriss, Seth Godin, and me. In my program, "Your Heart, Your Life" I teach about love and relationships. Go to himalaya.com/heart  and use promo code “heart” for a 14-day free trial.   Anne’s Question: Anne has been trying to heal trauma from sexual abuse and rape and would like guidance on how to navigate through it to shift it.   Anne’s Key Insights and Ahas: She experienced sexual abuse. She is a musician. She has depression and feels blocked. She feels she cannot fully express herself. She has done energy work and spoken to counselors. She has done the temper tantrum technique. She is having a biologically correct response to what is happening. She has had bad experiences with the medical system. She trusts her intuition but not her decision-making process.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Give herself grace and understanding. Trust that she still has her innocence, expression, femininity, and sexuality. Acknowledge the progress she has made. Work with a trauma-trained therapist to help her regulate her nervous system. Nurture her creativeness and passion. Do not push through her fear. Have faith and trust her intuition to align with the right person to help. Realize she has been through a high level of trauma and she deserves a high level of support.   Takeaways: Look at the things you have bought into in the personal development world. Are there things that feel more motivational? Could they be hurting more than helping? Is it time to normalize the biologically correct behavior you're experiencing to find the right specialist to help you with it? Consider where you have trust issues. Find something to put your trust into even if it is your intuition. Be open to receiving support. Put it out there verbally and energetically.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services. Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.