Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about acquiring a healthy relationship between giving and receiving. Today’s caller, Carrisa, gives to everyone except herself. We talk through ways she can fill her cup before helping others, how to shed the imposter syndrome, and the importance of committing to her inner child.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode305]   We cannot give and give and then expect to feel great. It is beautiful to help people but from a full cup. Otherwise, we deplete ourselves and try to make ourselves feel better through others. It does not work. Anyone who gives and gives and gives to others but does not give to themselves will not feel worthy. People-pleasers, over-givers, and martyrs never feel worthy because they give so much.   You have to be able to receive from yourself and others to feel worthy. You can help and give but you need to be supported as well.   When you have healthy boundaries, a lot of support, and are checking in with your inner child you can help and serve others from a full cup. You won’t feel like an imposter because you will be practicing what you preach.   Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you have resistance or laziness that comes out when it comes to doing things that are just for you or doing things that are outside the realm of your normal day-to-day activities? Did you grow up in a house where you didn't feel seen? Do you often dread doing something because you’re afraid you’re going to disappoint other people? When it comes to serving others, are you doing it because it makes you feel good or because that’s the way you love yourself?   Carrisa’s Question: Carrisa is uncertain of whether her feelings are intuition or conditioning and why she feels resistance.   Carrisa’s Key Insights and Ahas: She worries about affecting the people around her. She is a people-pleaser with hints of a savior complex. Her childhood home was chaotic and she felt invisible as the 6th child of 7 children. She judges herself for being lazy and being resistant. She tends to go with the flow. She understands herself but puts herself last. She feels complacent in her marriage. She hasn’t taken a lot of time for herself. She wants to integrate her passion into her massage therapy work. She feels like an imposter when it comes to coaching. She is imbalanced when it comes to giving and receiving.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Be her own client and keep an observation journal about her boundaries and her decisions. Listen to her alarm systems and check in with little Carrisa. Color with little Carissa 15-minutes a day. Have conscious conversations with her husband about co-parenting. Stop trying to heal herself by helping others.   Takeaways: Become your own client. Instead of judging and analyzing yourself, observe yourself neutrally. Connect with your inner child and make them a commitment in your life. Stop people-pleasing and make yourself a priority.   Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — When was the last time you treated yourself to a perfectly fitted new bra or sleepwear? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite bra from the limited edition summer style collection or sleepwear. They have a 100% fit guarantee.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

If you have struggled this past year (or really ever), you are going to love this episode. Speaker, life coach, and author Andrea Owen joins Christine for a vulnerable and inspiring conversation on mental health and healing trauma.  Andrea is creating a global impact in women’s empowerment with her books being translated into 18 languages and available in 22 countries. She helps high-achieving women maximize unshakeable confidence, and master resilience. Her latest book, Make Some Noise: Speak Your Mind and Own Your Strength is coming in August 2021. You can learn more at andreaowen.com.

This episode is about cutting ties with a toxic family member. Today’s caller, Alison, continues to relive the cycle of abuse she received from her mother. There is a part of her that believes her mother will one day change and give her the love she desires. If you have someone you are considering ending a relationship with, you will get great value from this session. If this particular circumstance doesn’t apply to you, you can probably relate to a situation where you want to do something but guilt and obligation are keeping you from making a self-honoring decision.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode304]   Just because someone is related to you, even a parent, doesn’t give them the right to be in your life.   When we are the parentified child it is confusing in the psyche and that is why there is a lot of guilt and obligation. Because as a parent, you can’t imagine abandoning your child. You would still love your child no matter what happened. That is the appropriate order of things. We are not supposed to be a parent to our parents.   So, when it comes to cutting ties with a family member it is tricky. It is difficult because we are in role reversal. Much of the guilt comes from being the parental figure to our parents which makes it hard to cut them off. This is not a healthy dynamic.   What I have learned about boundaries, family, and having a healthy life is that continuing to be in a relationship with someone, even our mother, who is abusive, volatile, or who cannot respect boundaries, just because they are a family member out of guilt and obligation is not love. Sometimes it is cutting ties with someone that may be the catalyst for them to wake up and do their own work.   Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.   I have a great course for those who want to be coaches or those who want to learn more about personal development. Unleashed is a program I did in collaboration with Ever Coach from Mindvalley. I teach you the 4 Levels of Coaching Mastery for Maximum Client Impact. Go to ChristineHassler.com/unleashed for more information.   Consider/Ask Yourself Is there someone in your life who does not deserve it and it is not healthy to have them in your life anymore? Are you often the peacemaker in the family or other relationships? Are you still living in a fantasy of what you wish your parents or someone in your life could be when you need to grieve what they are? Do you love yourself and your family enough to put firm, healthy boundaries around you so you can break generational patterns and trauma?   Alison’s Question: Alison wants guidance about how to have an adult relationship with her abusive mother.   Alison’s Key Insights and Ahas: She had a traumatic childhood. She has difficulty setting healthy boundaries. She was the caregiver in the relationship with her mother. She has a seven-year-old son. Her grandmother was an important part of her life. Her mother’s boyfriend was verbally abusive. Her mother never stood up for her. Her son has very little contact with her mother. Her son triggers her childhood memories. She worries that she will lose other family relationships if she cuts ties with her mother. She is betraying her needs and her inner child. Her mother doesn’t want her to change. Her inner child thinks her mother will one day change. She is the peacemaker in the family.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Have a clarifying conversation with her brother and grandfather about her decision to break ties. Stop justifying her mother’s behavior. Find peace within herself.   Takeaways: Ask yourself where you may be in a relationship out of guilt and obligation? Where are you the peacemaker when you don’t have peace? What ties do you need to cut? Why do you protect someone else’s feelings more than the energy of your inner child? You deserve healthy boundaries.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Dr. Shefali is an expert in family dynamics and personal development, teaching courses around the globe. She has a doctorate in clinical psychology and specializes in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, bringing together the best of both worlds for her clients. She has written five books, three of which are New York Times best-sellers, including her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. Her newest book is Radical Awakening   Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali’s ground-breaking approach to mindful living sets her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology. As an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples.   You can learn more here:  https://www.drshefali.com/

This episode is about speaking our needs in relationships. Today’s caller, Shelly, is great about articulating her needs in some aspects of her life but when it comes to matters of the heart, she suffocates herself. We discuss how clarifying questions can be self-honoring and relieve her anxiety.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode303]   Not knowing where we stand in a relationship is like pulling off the Band-Aid slowly. A slow painful rip off the heart. Whereas articulating our needs and having a clarifying conversation may be like ripping the Band-Aid off fast but it is better than the slow burn of hurt.   Put yourself in a place of empowerment. When we give our power away and just wait for someone else to tell us where we stand. It produces anxiety. It is like sitting in the back seat of a car while someone else is driving. You don’t know where you are going. You can’t control the speed limit. You are just sitting there hoping it turns out okay. It feels terrible to experience so much anxiety. When we clarify our needs to someone, even if it doesn’t turn out the way we want it to, at least, we can start the healing process.   Needs are not a weak thing to have. It is natural and normal for human beings to have needs. Our needs extend beyond things like survival. We need human connection and we need things in relationships. It is not needy to speak your needs. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you codependent.   We get fooled into believing that someone not rejecting us, or someone not judging us is better than not making self-honoring choices for ourselves.   Consider/Ask Yourself Are you silencing yourself in relationships? Are you getting your needs met? Do you even know what your needs are? Are you afraid to articulate your needs for fear of judgment, loss, or rejection? Are you good at speaking up in some aspects of your life, but not so great at speaking up in others?   Shelly’s Question: Shelly has been dating online and would like guidance on how to handle ghosting and being disrespected.   Shelly’s Key Insights and Ahas: She has cerebral palsy and uses a walker. Her past dating experiences include being ghosted. She feels abandoned and doesn’t get closure in relationships. She wants to be an advocate for others with disabilities who are dating. She gets anxious when someone doesn’t respond to messages. She is able to articulate her needs except for when it comes to relationships. She would rather have the truth than uncertainty. She overthinks situations. She gets nervous about meeting people for the first time.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Have a clarifying conversation with her current boyfriend to fully articulate her needs. Write a letter to the guy from college she doesn’t intend to send. Go out do something she loves and meet someone who sees her and her walker. Lean into her gift of speaking her needs and stand in her power.   Takeaways: Make a list of all the relationships in your life. Look at where certain needs aren’t being met and make yourself accountable for having a clarifying conversation.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

You are probably someone who has done a lot of work on yourself. You've read the "self-help" books, you listen to podcasts like this one, maybe you have a therapist or coach or have attended workshops.  You have a LOT of awareness and have grown so much which is AWESOME.  And . . . there may be some ways that the industry of personal development is not supporting you and this episode addresses some of those ways.

This episode is about the parts of ourselves we develop to meet our needs and protect ourselves. Today’s caller, Emily, didn’t have her needs met as a child and her protective strategies are still active in her life. We work through the understanding that even things we may not like about ourselves, or get frustrated by, are things that have positive intentions and are trying to help us.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode302]   We all can be hard on ourselves, especially those of us who have a lot of awareness and have been doing personal development and healing work. Sometimes we get frustrated with ourselves and find ourselves doing things we think we should know better than to do. Or, we know the reason we are doing something but we can’t seem to change it and we judge ourselves.   We have different parts of ourselves that develop over time to protect us and meet our needs. It’s important to be compassionate with these parts, welcome them, and seek to understand them, rather than shame them. That’s when we start making progress.   Compassion and acceptance are absolutely necessary if we want change. So often we go after change by being hard on ourselves, by being judgmental, by being critical or too analytical and we don’t love the parts that are hard to change. But, when we love, accept, and seek to understand them we release their influence over us.   I have a great course for those who want to be coaches or those who want to learn more about personal development. Unleashed is a program I did in collaboration with Ever Coach from Mindvalley. I teach you the 4 Levels of Coaching Mastery for Maximum Client Impact. Go to  ChristineHassler.com/unleashed for more information.   Consider/Ask Yourself Are there habits you have or ways you act that frustrate you? You don’t like them, you judge them, and you want to change them. Did you grow up feeling wanted and really seen? Does it matter to you to matter in the world? Do you want to be relevant and sometimes question if you are relevant? Even if you logically know you are worthy, do you sometimes deep down, or maybe not even that deep down question your worth?   Emily’s Question: Emily is looking for guidance on how to break the habit of feeling unworthy.   Emily’s Key Insights and Ahas: She keeps a mood log. She is defensive, even over small things. She expects people to treat her poorly. She feels irrelevant and unworthy. As a child, she didn’t feel wanted or seen by her parents. She felt she was taking up space with all of her emotions. Her sensitivities are a gift. She’s a people pleaser. It calms her to ask for help and support.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Learn how to nurture and care for her needs. Promise herself to ask for more of what she needs. Become aware of when she is defensive and thank it for helping her be seen.   Takeaways: Be curious about your “parts” and behaviors that have positive intentions. Consider how you can get the positive intentions in a different way. Compassion and curiosity are your superpowers.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Sometimes the experience of loneliness can feel so painful that connection seems almost impossible.  If that feels true for you, here is a four-step process you can use to support yourself in relieving feeling lonely.

This episode is about changing your role in a chaotic family. Today’s caller, Julia, is a highly sensitive person with amazing gifts. She is at a choice point about how she wants to use them. She is looking for permission to pursue her life through authentic expression. Many relate to the feeling of conflict between familial obligations and pursuing your soul’s journey.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode301]   Ultimately, we do not know why our souls choose our families. But, we often come into families and family systems to break generational patterns. And, many of us experience family conflict if we are here to break generational patterns. Part of our soul’s journey is to not repeat the patterns. But, it is tricky because there’s an inner child piece that still wants to be loved and accepted by the family. It can be hard because we love the family and it feels like a betrayal to go and do our own thing.   One of the biggest gifts we can give our families is to embody and demonstrate what healthy looks like or what breaking patterns looks like. Not playing a role in the family can give other members a chance to get out of their roles. From the outside, breaking generational patterns can appear as mean or selfish. But, what we do allows everyone else the freedom to change their roles. We teach the most through our actions.   If you have been wanting to join my Personal Mastery Course but just haven’t done it yet, now is a great time to sign up. On July 8, 2021, there will be a one-day event including personal coaching from me. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Mastery to join. The call will be recorded if you cannot make it live and you will have this course for life.   Interested in a Breathwork and Meditation Course, including anger release? Go to ChristineHassler.com/breathwork.   Consider/Ask Yourself Are you a highly sensitive person or empath? Did you grow up in a house where you didn’t feel understood? Did you grow up around a lot of chaos? Is there a lot of family, social, or work drama where you tend to be the anchor? Do you calm everyone down but then feel drained? Is there something you want to pursue but you feel you would be betraying people if you follow your soul’s calling?   Julia’s Question: Julia feels she can’t escape her family’s chaos and would like guidance on how to grow in life without allowing her family drama to hold her back.   Julia’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is a highly sensitive person who is part of a chaotic family. Her father was physically abusive. Her mother suffered from panic attacks. Her older sister has bipolar disorder. She feels caught up in her family’s drama. She is pursuing acting opportunities. She is in a relationship and considering having a family but doesn’t want to pass on a generational pattern. She has a desire to be creative. She feels like a crutch for her sister. Taking care of her family is not her calling. She is resilient. She dishonors herself when she gets caught up in the family drama. She wants to channel her energy in more productive ways.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Prioritize herself. Process her feelings. Pursue her life through creativity. Tell little Julia her family is not her responsibility. Set boundaries to protect her energy.   Takeaways: Do you relate to being a highly sensitive person and the gifts that come with it? Are you allowing your energy to be depleted or do you use your gift in a generative way? Are you in a situation where you take over responsibility for your family and you are in a conflict between what the inner child and soul want? Consider the generational patterns you are breaking in your family. Do not come from guilt and obligation when interacting with your family.   Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — When was the last time you treated yourself to a perfectly fitted new bra or sleepwear? Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite bra from the limited edition summer style collection and vacation-ready designs. They have a 100% fit guarantee.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I got so much incredible feedback on the last CC we did on boundaries that I wanted to bring on another amazing, super informative expert.  Nedra Glover Tawwab joins me today who is a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, has practiced relationship therapy for twelve years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice Kaleidoscope Counseling. She has been recently featured in TheNew York Times, The Guardian, Psychology Today, Self, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including Don't Keep Your Day Job, Do theThing, and Therapy for Black Girls. Tawwab runs a popular Instagram account where she shares practices, tools, and reflections for mental health and hosts weekly Q&As about boundaries and relationships. She lives in Charlotte,North Carolina, with her family.   Her new book is Set Boundaries, Find Peace.