Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about taking the time to explore life and relationships. Today’s caller, Marley, is putting a lot of pressure on her current relationship. She future-forecasts instead of considering what the relationship may be able to teach her. We delve into how she can be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode310]   Often, we go into relationships wondering if the other person is the one, so much so that we miss out on what we can learn from the other person. It is important to let your early relationships be a discovery process and explore instead of collecting evidence about what may be wrong with the other person if they are THE one, or how to make every relationship the relationship of your dreams.   Every relationship is a growth opportunity. It is a misstep to base relationships on their longevity potential. Many times, we get into a relationship, and right out of the gate, we put pressure on it by wondering if the other person could be the one to marry or have children with instead of considering what the other person can teach us, what mirror they may be holding up, what parental patterns, wounds, or issues are they triggering? What could you be attracted to that is also a healing opportunity?   Enjoy where you are. Be curious, explore, and take the pressure off.   Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Byron Katie on  — Loving What Is.   Consider/Ask Yourself When you are in a new relationship do you jump to — Is this the one? — and start to analyze it all out? Did you grow up in a home where there wasn’t a lot of emotional availability and you panic when you don’t have that in a partnership or friendship? Do you spend a lot of time trying to figure things out and not enough time creating and exploring and allowing things just to be? Are you more caught up in judging and changing someone else than looking at how you can meet your own needs?   Marley’s Question: Marley is struggling with her ability to let little things go and accept her partner for where he is.   Marley’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is aware and open with her emotions. Her boyfriend may not understand himself emotionally. She is an old soul and emotionally mature. She is putting a lot of pressure on the relationship. She and her boyfriend had an intense connection immediately. There was inconsistency in her childhood. She believed she had to fix her family. She feels pressure to be in a relationship. Her boyfriend is committed to her. She feels intimidated by his commitment. She feels she is one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship at all times. She is collecting evidence against her boyfriend. She doesn’t feel heard or seen by her boyfriend at times.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Explore herself within her relationship. Stop overthinking, or overanalyzing her relationship. Be curious about her relationship instead of managing it. Communicate her needs in an empowered way. Approach her boyfriend from a vulnerable place.   Takeaways: Read or reread 20 Something, 20 Everything, and 20 Something Manifesto.   Sponsor: THIRDLOVE — Delivers life-changing comfort for your body with high-quality underwear, sleep, and loungewear. Visit the Fitting Room and take the quiz at Thirdlove.com/overit to find your perfect bra size and style. They have over 80 bra sizes, including half-cup sizes, and great-fitting, comfy loungewear! Use the link to get 20% off the first purchase of your new favorite Seamless wireless bra or loungewear. They have a 100% fit guarantee.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

I am thrilled to Byron Katie whom I respect and adore so much on the show this week!  In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning in a state of joy. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of self-inquiry, which she calls The Work, consists of four questions and the turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, intensives, and nine-day School for The Work have brought freedom to people all over the world. Her books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. For more information, visit thework.com. Here is a to the worksheets we discussed: https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/  

This episode is about discerning between the patterns we can change and which are a part of us. Today’s caller, Bree, has patterns coming up when it comes to dating and finding a partner. We discuss how she can bring forth different, more feminine, parts of herself in place of her patterns. When it comes to dating, we get far more accurate information from our bodies, heart, and intuition than we do from evaluation.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode309]   At the beginning of dating, there is so much uncertainty. We don’t really know the person and we don’t know where the relationship will go. There is a lot of excitement, but there is also a lot of uncertainty. Uncertainty can be triggering for some, especially if they had instability in their childhood. Part of how the mind and psyche try to get certainty or control is through evaluation, analysis, and by trying to see into the future.   We all have an operating system. A lot of it gets programmed by our childhood, our life, our beliefs, and everything that happens in our environment and society. Then, there is just how we’re wired, our personality, our soul journey, etc. It is more important to learn to live with our wiring and find the gift within it than it is to change it.   Some things about ourselves are appropriate to change and heal but there are some things that it is best to just accept. Learning to inspire a different part of ourselves in certain situations may be the key to getting what we need.   Join me August 18, 2021, at 5 p.m. Pacific for another group coaching call. This call will focus on all things inner child. The cost is only $20 and if you cannot make it live, it will be recorded. Go to ChristineHassler.com/group to sign up.   Have you listened to my Coaches Corner episodes recently? Check out Dr. Richard Schwatrz doing parts work with me here — Internal Family Systems.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you notice that sometimes when you’re in an unfamiliar situation you do things like ask a question to go to places in your head to try to get some kind of control? Did you grow up feeling safe in a stable household? If you are female and you orientate to being a heterosexual female when it comes to dating do you feel like you can really slip into your feminine energy? Or, if you’re in a job that requires you to be in your masculine energy is it difficult for you to make the transition? Are you trying to change things about yourself that are part of your wiring?   Bree’s Question: Bree feels she is ready for a long-term relationship and would like the tools to assist her in minimizing her projections when dating.   Bree’s Key Insights and Ahas: She is ready to find a long-term partner. She is looking for someone who appreciates a rural lifestyle. She had a volatile and unstable childhood. Her parents were emotionally unavailable. Her little girl is looking for the stability she never had. She sees the pattern of her previous relationships. She felt judged and would like the freedom to be herself. She uses evaluation as a skill in her job. She is a professional photographer and previously a dance instructor.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Get out of her head and into her heart. Help her little girl feel safe. Limit her evaluations and increase her curiosity and magnetism in dating. Create a physical anchor and write a letter to celebrate her evaluator self. Be aware her masculine part is hyper-developed. Discover things that drop her into her feminine energy. Move her body in a feminine way daily.   Takeaways: Look at the patterns in your life without making them wrong or bad and determine how much of them are how you are wired. Learn what parts of yourself that need to step back and which need to come forward.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

You are going to learn so much from this episode!! And get to listen to a live demo of Dr Schwartz doing parts work with me.  Richard Schwartz began his career as a family therapist and an academic at the University of Illinois at Chicago. There he discovered that family therapy alone did not achieve full symptom relief and in asking patients why, he learned that they were plagued by what they called “parts.” From these explorations with parts work, the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model was born in the early 1980s.   IFS is now evidence-based and has become a widely-used form of psychotherapy, particularly with trauma. It provides a non-pathologizing, optimistic, and empowering perspective and a practical and effective set of techniques for working with individuals, couples, families, and more recently, corporations and classrooms.   In 2013 Schwartz left the Chicago area and now lives in Brookline, MA where he is on the faculty of the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

This episode is about grieving parents and moving through loss. Today’s caller, Tania, is a new mom who is caring for her aging father. She is struggling with making decisions that are best for everyone involved. We talk through the guilt that is influencing her decisions and how she can make self-honoring choices that are the best for everyone involved.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode308]   When it comes to making choices for someone we love it can feel hard not to let guilt or obligation be involved. When we allow guilt and obligation into our decision-making we aren’t making the choices that are truly in the highest good for everyone concerned.   Guilt and shame prevent us from being able to honor our feelings and from navigating the many different emotions, perspectives, and thoughts of being human and going through life-changing experiences, and dealing with family members and people who are sick or difficult. It is OK to choose something that may feel selfish but is self-honoring and in the best interest of everyone involved.   There is no one-size-fits-all approach when making big decisions like what to do with an aging parent. You have to tune in and make a decision from love, not guilt about what is best for everyone involved.   When we hang on to someone, it can create an energetic obligation for them to stay longer. There are two deaths we have to grieve for our parents. The physical death and the death of the ideal. When we allow ourselves to grieve, our heart breaks open so healing can begin.   Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.   We are opening up enrollment for the March 2022 session of our Elementum Coaching Institute. This early-bird pricing opportunity gives your $2,500 off tuition. Our first class sold out in two weeks, so secure your spot today.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you like to have control? Would you rather have control than massive uncertainty? Do you do better in the known rather than the unknown? Do you deal with guilt if you’re not doing what you think you’re supposed to be doing or taking care of people in the way that you’re supposed to? Have you lost a parent or are you on the brink of losing a parent? Do you struggle with what’s the right thing to do when it comes to you caring for your parents?   Tania’s Question: Tania is feeling anxious about how she will manage caring for her father and managing her life.   Tania’s Key Insights and Ahas: After an accident, her 80-year-old father can no longer take care of himself. Her mother passed 13 years ago. She and her brother are caring for their father. She has a baby and a full-time job. She had to take medical time off from work. She feels guilty and is starting to grieve for her father. She is frightened when she thinks of her father’s passing. She holds on to an image of what she thought her future would be. She is finding the role reversal difficult.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Realize it is okay to be feeling what she is feeling. Allow herself to start letting go and grieve her father. Release her attachment to what she thinks “should” be. Find a way to get outside help for her father. Give energetic permission to her father to transition when it is his time. Her body and nervous system have been in overdrive.   Takeaways: Don’t wait to grieve until someone dies. Allow yourself to have the feelings and start the process before a loved one transitions.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Jess Bell, D.O. is an Osteopathic Physician – board-certified in both Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation and Neuromusculoskeletal Medicine – and Energy Healer. Dr. Jess is the founder of Energetic Osteopathy™, which is a powerful modality that bridges traditional osteopathic treatment and energy medicine. What makes Energetic Osteopathy™ unique from other energy healing modalities such as Reiki, is that the treatment takes place with great specificity within the tissues of the body. As an osteopathic physician with over twenty years of hands-on treatment experience, Dr. Jess “sees” into the body with great clarity. This inner sight allows for the transformational release of even the most difficult to locate energetic densities out of the physical body, returning the body to health and wholeness. It is essential that we recover the often forgotten truth that healing comes from within, and it is Dr. Jess's greatest intention to offer this healing and guidance with easy-to-apply information, treatment, and self-healing practices.  

This episode is about looking inside and healing unresolved issues. Today’s caller, Sarah, went through a breakup and is having a hard time letting it go. We work through how when we don’t have our needs met as children we may fumble with our needs as an adult. If you are not going through a breakup right now you will relate to this conversation if you have ever tried to fix something in your life that was not working.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode307]   Often, we attempt to work out our childhood wounds through dating and relationships. Unconsciously, we look for someone like mom or dad and think — oh this feels familiar. And, we confuse familiarity for love. But they are not the same thing. That is why we sometimes feel scared to do unfamiliar things. Because we confuse unfamiliarity with not being safe.   We try to heal our childhood by drawing in people who remind us of it. This creates issue-based relationships that become addictive. We are looking for a relationship to fix the issue rather than doing self-honoring, internal work. When we do the work we avoid attracting those kinds of relationships in the first place.   Sometimes we have the expectation that we have to have a certain personality or be a certain way. When we are in our pain, we do not like the pain and we don’t like ourselves in the pain. And, judgment of ourselves and our process only slows us down. It makes things worse. Healing happens when we accept the phase we are in.   In a relationship, we all need total honesty, trust, loyalty, intimacy, and someone to hear us and see us without gas-lighting us.   Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you have a hard time letting go of things even when you know you’re supposed to but you just can’t seem to let go? Did you grow up in a house where you didn’t feel securely attached? Maybe your parents were emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, or there was chaos in your house? Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like the situation itself makes you needier? You look at a relationship, career, or friendship and don’t even recognize yourself because of some of your behaviors. Do you feel like you have done a lot of work and you have a lot of awareness but you find yourself in the same position over and over?   Sarah’s Question: Sarah is having difficulty letting go of a relationship and feels like she should be doing better.   Sarah’s Key Insights and Ahas: Her breakup happened three weeks ago. She is setting unrealistic expectations. She felt insecure in the relationship. She is grasping for the relationship. Her parents did not meet her needs as a child. She didn’t feel emotionally safe in the relationship. She did not feel enough as a child. She’s done a lot of work and is aware of her parents’ shortcomings. She continues to repeat past patterns. She is holding anger and resentment toward her parents.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Grieve the death of what she wanted her parents to be. Allow little Sarah to express her hurt and anger. Ask the universe for the resources to help her heal. Realize the relationship came in because she is ready to go deeper.   Takeaways: Go back to the little girl, little boy, or little one inside and allow yourself to get super clear about what you wanted from your parents that you never got and that you are more than likely never ever going to get and allow yourself to grieve it. Let go of trying to fix a relationship, the way you look, a job, or a friendship. Stop looking out and look in. That is always where the healing is.   Sponsor: ShipStation — Do you have an online business and want to reliably ship things without micromanaging the process. ShipStation software tracks all of your shipments in one easy-to-use interface. Over and On With It listeners can try ShipStation for free for 60-days by using the offer code 'OVERIT'. Go to ShipStation.com and click on the microphone at the top of the page to let Shipstation help your business grow and thrive.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Internationally bestselling author Michelle Masters has been a Personal Development Trainer and Coach since 1995. Michelle’s work is an innovative use of Neuro-Science based change techniques, Family Constellation work, and quantum healing modalities combined with profound understandings of what creates transformation and lasting change for people. Her hugely popular Money Magic workshop has helped people all over the world to transform their lives and money. Learn more here: https://michellemastersnlp.com/

This episode is about rejection. Today’s caller, Claudia, experiences sadness when she feels rejected. We talk through her feelings of rejection and uncover them to be something she did not connect until this session. If you have a pattern of feeling rejected you will benefit from listening to this episode.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode306]   Many times sweet people, or big feelers, people who are more comfortable in sadness than in anger, hold stuff inside rather than confronting others.   Anytime we feel rejected, even as a child, there is a part of us that is really pissed off. We get angry when we are rejected but, many times because the hurt is so big we want to figure it out. The mind can’t figure out why a parent would ever reject us. No child can figure it out. A child can’t work through the understanding that a parent has their own issues. So we end up resenting the people who reject us.   Energetically if you walk around as a wounded child who was rejected it will be hard to pull in a person or match who fully sees you. But, by taking your power back, it will open up space in your life. When you have resentments in your heart it is hard for people to get in. They don’t want to be someone else you resent. Carrying around resentments can push people away.   As long as there is a part of you who hasn’t forgiven your family of origin, for being rejected, you will feel resentment. Forgiveness is not condoning, it is letting go of the judgment.   Would you like to win a free 30-minute (unaired) session with me? To add your name to the drawing, leave a rating and review in your podcast listening app. When the review posts take a screenshot and upload it to ChristineHassler.com/review. I’ll choose the winner in the first week of August.   Consider/Ask Yourself Do you ever feel rejected? And, no matter what you do you can’t seem to get over the pattern of rejection? How are you with anger? Are you someone who can handle sadness but when it comes to anger, that’s a different story? Do you ever feel people don’t choose you because of who you are and you constantly try to be someone you are not?  Do you ever feel like you’re rejected because other people feel jealous of you?   Claudia’s Question: Claudia feels rejected when people are afraid to get close to her and jealous of her.   Claudia’s Key Insights and Ahas: She recently went through a breakup. She says men are attracted to her energy but afraid of her leadership. She feels women are jealous of her. She feels rejected. She repeats patterns of not being enough and not feeling seen. She retreats rather than confronting others. A family member rejected her. She feels sadness more than anger. She tried very hard to be seen as a child.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Find people who are in alignment with her. Deal with the anger she feels about being rejected. Forgive herself for the beliefs that perpetuate the lens of rejection and resentment. Do not make herself wrong or dim her light. Give little Claudia a voice and allow her to be mad or angry.   Takeaways: If you deal with resentment, look at where you feel sad and rejected. If you deal with a lot of rejection, look at where you may feel resentful.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Steven Kessler has been a psychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area for almost 30 years, teaching both locally and internationally. He is a certified EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Expert and Trainer, and is the bestselling author of The 5 Personality Patterns, a simple, clear, true-to-life map of personality that gives you the key to understanding people and communicating with them effectively. More information and descriptions of the patterns are available at www.The5PersonalityPatterns.com. Steven loves teaching and helping people grow. He can be reached at Steven@The5PersonalityPatterns.com