Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

This episode is about step-parenting from a healed place. Today’s caller, Kendra, has two step-children who are triggering her anxiety. She then feels guilt and shame about being angry. We work through her past issues that are coming up to be healed and how she can navigate the situation in a way that is beneficial to her and her step-children.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode350]   Anxiety is not bad. It is an alarm system that is alerting us to something we are not paying attention to. There is something we are repressing or that needs our awareness. The energy of anxiety is frenetic energy. It is when the nervous system is hyper-aroused due to a trauma, a past memory is being activated or, we are repressing such big emotions our nervous system is overloaded. When that happens we likely go into fight, flight, or freeze.   When we are in survival brain, all the personal development tools we've learned aren't accessible. So, don't beat yourself up if you have done a lot of work but still get triggered in the moment or your nervous system is dysregulated; you are in a part of your brain that doesn't have access to those tools.   And, just like our children choose us or we have soul contracts with certain people when we are a step-parent, those children choose us on some level as well. There are so many challenges that can come with blended families. In a divorce, there is often so much guilt that a parent may collapse some of their parental boundaries and let the kids get away with more than they would normally.   Would you like to work to heal your inner child? Our Inner Child workshop was taught live but now you can get access to the recording. It includes coaching and experiential meditations. Go through it at your own pace, at any time. Go to ChristineHassler.com/innerchild at checkout and use the promo code 'OVERIT' for $50 off.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you notice yourself being triggered by your children or step-children and then feel guilt or shame about it? Do you have anxiety that has gotten worse due to a situation? When you were growing up, what were your tween and early teenage years like? Was it a difficult time? Do you think you have dealt with it? Do you often have anger or frustration at your spouse because of the way they are parenting?   Kendra’s Question: Kendra would like guidance on how to have connection and a relationship with her step-children while paying attention to the anxiety that triggers her.   Kendra’s Key Insights and Ahas: Her partner has two children from a previous marriage. They have 50% custody of the children. The situation affects her life and has always caused her anxiety. She has struggled with anxiety in other areas of her life. Her step-children bring high energy into their house. Her adolescence was confusing for her. She was raised in a traditional Christian home. She was made to feel as a female she should dim her light. She realizes the universe brought male step-children into her life for a reason. She lost her example of unconditional love when she was starting puberty. During adolescence, she didn’t have the same freedoms that boys in her life had. She feels anger and resentment toward her step-children and then feels guilty for it. She is angry at her husband for letting his kids treat him like they do. She has trust issues around men.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Express her thoughts and feelings. Regulate her breath and bring herself into the present moment. Call her husband forward to enforce parental boundaries. Teach the kids to release their emotions and to have an anger burn. Know it is OK to get away from the house, or situation if she needs to.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Let’s talk about finding the “one”. You know the magical person who is your soulmate, your other half, the one who completes you. I say these things with a tinge of sarcasm but I don’t inject the sarcasm because I am jaded or don’t believe in love, it’s there because of the misunderstandings regarding soulmates and the pain many of us go through when it comes to romantic relationships. I believe there are lots of “ones” out there for us. My definition of a soulmate is someone who helps our soul to grow. Sometimes it’s through a gut-wrenching break-up, sometimes it’s through dating someone who triggers us and sometimes it’s through someone who just comes in, loves us and holds up a beautiful mirror to  remind us of who we truly are.  Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, colleagues and even someone you share a plane ride with once and never see again.   So, why are many romantic relationships so painful? 1. The relationships are mirrors which can trigger unresolved issues from our childhood. 2. We often look to a romantic partner to fill our needs that our parents did not meet. This doesn’t attract the best people to us. 3. We may want a relationship so badly to fill our voids or make us feel less alone that we move into a fantasy-based relationship.   Today’s call with Michael is a beautiful example of masculine vulnerability and strength. He finds himself dating from a place of pain rather than from love. He wants to move past the feeling that he needs to prove himself to women. Michael’s mother wasn’t really there for him and so he ends up with women who don’t treat him well and who are not really there for him. This is the problem with trying to fill a void left by a parent through dating. We long so badly for the love of a parent that we attract someone just like them, which re-opens our unhealed wounds. We have to bring love and forgiveness to those places inside and fill ourselves with our own loving acceptance. It’s time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt.  I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners. Here is how to receive my free ebook and meditation downloads. E-mail Jill@ChristineHassler.com for information. Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you longing for a soulmate so much that it is causing you to suffer? Do you keep dating the same person but they have a different face? Could issues from your childhood influence who and how you are dating? Are you in a fantasy based relationship? Could it be time to remove your rose-colored glasses?   Michael's Question: Michael wants to know how to move past the pain of a previous relationship and how to know when the person he is dating is the right one.   Michael's Key Insights and Aha’s: He is trying to heal a core wound from his childhood through a romantic relationship He is putting a lot of pressure on the women he dates He realizes he keeps running back to fix past relationships He carries fear and his unanswered questions around with him He feels unworthy and feels he needs to prove himself to women His strength is in his vulnerability, his honesty and his courage   How to get over it and on with it: He should forgive the misunderstanding that he is unlovable or anything in his past was his fault He needs to re-parent his younger self in a way he always longed for  He needs to take a dating hiatus  Assignments and Takeaways: Is there a little boy or girl inside of you that has some misunderstandings which really need to be healed? Could it be time to end or transform your fantasy-based or issue-based relationship? Perhaps it’s time for a dating hiatus and taking some time to date yourself.    Fall back in love with yourself and realize just how lovable you are.    Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com

This emotional episode is a great example of getting stuck in our story. Today’s caller, Aurora, has had to overcome an incredible past. She has been through many challenges, and feels enough is enough. She wants her life to change. But as you will hear, she is still committed to the story. We discuss ways she can take her power back and shift out of victim.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode349]   Our minds have a way of not allowing new information or tools in so we can integrate them. There is resistance to change because we all have a comfort zone with our suffering. As much as we think we want to change, do we truly want to? Holding on to trauma comforts us because it is familiar.   And, if we try to tackle all of our trauma at once or solve everything that ails us at once, it will feel overwhelming. When we sit up in an open body position it tells our subconscious mind and our nervous system we are safe. Anytime we are hunched over, crossed-legged, or protecting our heart, solar plexus, or root chakra, it communicates to our subconscious mind that we may not be safe. Sitting up straight is how we step into our power. Because when we say step into our power, we are really saying step into our truth.   Taking responsibility is huge when it comes to healing. Responsibility is not the same as blaming ourselves. Take responsibility for things you wish you would have done differently without blaming yourself.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you had a toxic, or unhealthy relationship with your past that you have trouble breaking free from? Do you get stuck in the same story over and over again? Do you feel not enough? Do you have trouble stepping into your power?   Aurora’s Question: Aurora would like guidance on how to free herself from feeling not enough, to be able to express herself freely, and to get her power back.   Aurora’s Key Insights and Ahas: She told her ex-husband she needed some space. She got violent with her ex even though she didn’t want to. She doesn’t condone violence. Her ex believes that once she got what she wanted from the relationship she ended it. She has been judged and traumatized by her older sister. A teacher body-shamed her and created toxic competitiveness. Her parents exhibit narcissistic attributes. She goes through a cycle of making progress and then starting over. She recently went through an intensive therapy treatment. She feels more at peace. She is proud of herself for doing the generational trauma healing work. She has suppressed herself for a long time. She has a habit of being emotionally collapsed. She is not so great at meeting her own needs.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Sit in an open body position to let her subconscious mind know she is safe. Think about what her needs are and then give that thing to herself. Love and accept where she is, have compassion for herself, and work with what she has. Take her power back by forgiving herself for buying into any misunderstandings. Listen to this podcast, take responsibility, move out of victim, and believe she is able to shift out of this.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about moving into acceptance and forgiveness. Today’s caller, Jen, is having a hard time getting to forgiveness because she doesn't believe her parents did the best they could. Her grudge may be costing her the very thing she longs for the most. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode94] One of the ways we get to forgiveness is knowing people did the best they could, even if we believe they could have done better. Knowing they did the best they could with the tools they had is one of the ways we can get to forgiveness. It can be difficult, especially when it was a parent or a loved one. Holding on to anger, blame, and resentment is toxic. It will eat you up inside and keep you from what you want. Continuing to use the past as a scapegoat for why you don’t have want you want gives your past power. Until you move into acceptance and forgiveness, your past will infiltrate every aspect of your present and your future. Look at the places where you are not letting love into your life. Are you focusing too much on the people that didn’t love you in the way you wanted, and missing out on all the love around you? Would you like to connect more with me and receive a resource to help you transform into owning your purpose? Use this link, ChristineHassler.com/SpiritJunkie to enroll in Gabby Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass by June 29th and receive access to the class, a one-hour one-on-one coaching session with me, a one-month membership to my Inner Circle Community, a download of my guided meditation CD and more.   Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Is there someone you have not been able to forgive because you truly feel what they did is unforgivable? ● Is there someone you are blaming for your not having what you want in your life? ● Do you tend to imagine worst-case scenarios and feel that things just don’t go your way in life? ● Did you grow up around addicts or as the child of addicts? Jen’s Question: Jen would like to forgive her mother and accept that her parents did the best they could. Jen’s Key Insights and Ahas: ● She didn’t get the love and attention she wanted as a child. ● She wants closure with her mother who recently passed. ● She feels broken. ● She’s created the healthy family she always wanted. ● She is keeping herself from fully appreciating and accepting the love of her current family. ● She is using her past as a scapegoat. ● As a child, she had low expectations so she wouldn’t be disappointed. ● It wasn’t her job to save her parents. How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She shouldn’t identify with the victim role, and understand she received what she needed. ● She should stop mimicking her mother’s behaviors. ● She should do projection work and let the love that exists in her current life in. ● She should have appreciation and have life-affirming and positive thoughts. Takeaways: ● If there is someone you want to hear something from, some kind of forgiveness, write a letter to you from them. Write down all the things you wanted to hear from them and read it to yourself. ● Do projection work. Look at judgments you have towards others and see how you may be doing it in your own life, externally or internally. ● Be honest about the cost of holding onto a grudge and write down what it is keeping you from. Write down all the blessings you have in life and how you may be blinded to them because of the grudge. ● Have positive expectations and use your imagination to consider the best-case scenario. Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Coaches Corner with Gabby Bernstein — Turn Your Pain Into Purpose Inner Circle Membership Community  @ChristinHassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@ChristineHassler.com

This emotional episode is about getting to the root of anger to be able to release it. Today’s caller, Rose, has a deep-seated rage she directs toward her sister. But as we work through in the coaching call, she chose her sister, who poses less of a threat, to release her rage upon instead of the real person she is enraged with, her father.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode348]   Whenever our reaction doesn’t match with the circumstance, it means there is something else going on. Oftentimes, we have rage or anger just by being a human being on the planet, and we direct it at certain people or we become obsessive about certain people.   The thing about anger is that it needs an exit route. It is a huge energetic wave and it needs a way to get out. Anger can leak out as irritability, addiction, aggression at other people or just being angry at ourselves. We spend so much energy keeping anger inside that we can get depressed or we might just direct it at someone who is an easy scapegoat but isn’t actually the person we are enraged about.   Go to ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease to get my Anger Release Program.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have a sibling or family member you are mad at and you can’t shake it no matter how much work you do? Do you struggle with jealousy, envy, or wish you could have had someone else’s life? Did you have a parent you were loyal to but as an adult, you question why you were so loyal? Do you have a hard time expressing your rage?   Rose’s Question: Rose struggles with her anger toward her sister and would like guidance on how to shift her feelings.   Rose’s Key Insights and Ahas: She formed an unhealthy alliance against her younger sister with her father. She loves her sister but feels deep rage toward her. She has done a lot of work around the issue. She has always felt mad at her sister and has taken her frustrations out on her. She didn’t feel seen or appreciated as a child. She feels her sister takes her oxygen when they are in the same room. She feels her mom blames her for how she treats her sister. Her father was explosive. She swallows her rage. She gets enraged by her sister’s bigness and how strong she is. Her anger makes her feel darkly powerful, righteous, and justified. She feels it is not OK to be herself. She is really mad at her father for making her feel small as a child. Her father was fragile and was inappropriate toward her. Her father made her feel ashamed for growing into her womanhood. Her father took his life. She realizes she transferred her anger toward her dad onto her sister.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Get the rage and anger out through an Anger Release exercise or by writing F-U letters she doesn’t send. Fully accept herself for who she is. Not be afraid of her rage because it is where her passion lives. Stay focused on who she is mad at to get to grief and then forgiveness.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Inner Child

This episode is about patience and becoming a loving partner to ourselves so we are ready to call in our soul match. Today’s caller, Asma, is ready to call in a partner but may have some work to do around building faith and trust based on her inner child’s wounding. Even if you are not looking for your person, you will get value from the conversations about patience, trust, and relationships.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode347]   It’s easy to believe in the magic of the universe when everything is going our way. It’s harder when we are scared or things aren’t going along with our plan. So many of our core trust issues come from our childhood. They come from the survival skills we adopted. That is where trust wounds begin.   Surrender invites the masculine in because it is fiercely brave. It is a deep level of trust in our intuition, a higher power, and in life because we relinquish control. It creates receptivity and an entry point for the masculine. Most healthy masculine men don’t like being told what to do.   Those of us who are more on the spectrum of controlling have less faith and trust. Part of the way we deal with our spiritual crisis and our fear of trust and surrender is to over plan, over control, and be overly self-sufficient.   When it comes to relationships we don’t have as much control because another person is involved. When it comes to love, the other person is on their own timeline, even when we may feel ready. Our soul-match people are harder to find because we are growing with them, not growing from them. Soul match people share our visions and values and match more where we want to go instead of where we have been. It requires a person who has done their work.   To all the single women who want to call in their person, I encourage you to take the Be the Queen course. Be empowered and intentional about calling in the relationship you desire. Experience a complete transformation. Get $200 off at ChristineHassler.com/bethequeen with the promo code “OVERIT”.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you feel like you have done the work but wondering where your prize is? Are you divorced or broken up and back in the dating scene and find yourself being impatient? Do you have a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people or people who are not ready for a relationship? Are you patient with yourself or do you have a harsh inner critic?   Asma’s Question: Asma has wounding from a previous relationship but has done the work. She feels ready to receive her new partner but grows impatient with the lack of candidates.   Asma’s Key Insights and Ahas: She married young and is now divorced. She has done a lot of personal development work. She has created the home life she wants. She is ready to attract a partner with whom she feels a deep alignment. She is impatient and hard on herself. She wants a masculine man. She would like to develop trust. She didn’t feel seen or heard by her father but she has abandonment wounding. Some men she dates are not ready to be in a relationship.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Work on being patient. Look at how she can become a good partner and lover to herself. Be upfront at the beginning of a relationship about where she is and where she wants to go. Be clear about what she wants and where she wants to go.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

Nicole Sachs, LCSW is a speaker, writer, podcaster and psychotherapist who has dedicated her work and her practice to the treatment of chronic pain, symptoms, syndromes and conditions. She is the author of the book The Meaning of Truth, and the online course FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN. Her brand, The Cure for Chronic Pain, includes a Website, Podcast and YouTube Channel. Her personal experience as well as work with thousands of people around the world have shaped and evolved Nicole’s theories, which serve to teach those suffering how to heal themselves completely with no medication or surgery.

This episode is breaking familiar generational patterns. Today’s caller, Angel, grew up in a chaotic home. As an adult, he seeks out chaos and uses numbing strategies when he feels triggered. We work through ways he can recognize the triggers and how he can make them an opportunity for healing without self-blame or shame.   [For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode346]   Unraveling and healing from trauma in our childhoods take time. It is hard to deal with our past when we distract ourselves by things happening in the present or with numbing strategies.   Because we are often drawn to what is familiar, not what is healthy, that gets a lot of us stuck. We keep going back to things we know are not healthy, then we get stuck in the cycle of self-blame and shame without being compassionate with ourselves.   A trigger is a gateway to healing, but if we go to a distraction or a quick fix we miss the opportunity for deeper healing. It’s about making the decision at the time of the trigger to go inside and that is when we do the work.   A disorganized attachment style is formed when we have had a chaotic childhood. A disorganized attachment style is like a “come here, now go away” pattern. It is the wanting of attention and affection, wanting to be seen but also wanting to withdraw. When real intimacy and real love get too close, the person with a disorganized attachment style wants to push it away.   If you want to learn more about attachment styles you can download a great group coaching call for only $20 at ChristineHassler.com/group-coaching-replays.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Do you have trouble being alone? Did you grow up in a chaotic environment where you didn’t feel seen and safe? Did you witness violence? Do you find yourself in a cycle of going into dysfunctional relationships or abusing a substance and you feel shame about it? Do you have a lot of awareness but feel you are not changing?   Angel’s Question: Angel seeks chaos and conflict and would like guidance on how to feel a sense of safety and be in his body.   Angel’s Key Insights and Ahas: His childhood home was chaotic. He is social around other people. He finds it difficult to be alone with his thoughts. He feels empty. He seeks out chaos in his life. He uses substances in excess. His cycle of shame repeats. He shut down as a child to cope with the domestic violence he witnessed. He feels not-enough and has a disorganized attachment style. He has never felt loved or safe. He is always looking to find what he didn’t get as a child. He feels he has awareness. He feels comforted when other people are around. His intuition tells him he should wait to enter a romantic relationship. He was in a trauma-bond relationship that blew up. He finds it hard to forget the trauma he experienced as a child. He still lives with his mom, and he feels anger toward her when she tries to parent him.   How to Get Over It and On With It: Have compassion for himself. Acknowledge himself and tell himself he is not alone. Have patience with his process and acknowledge his progress. Resist the urge to go to the quick fix when he feels triggered. Leverage triggers when they come up. Write a letter to his mother he does not intend to give to her. Make the intention to make relationships with male mentors or build up more healthy male relationships.   Takeaway: Use the moments when you feel triggered to reach for a distraction or a numbing strategy, to instead leverage the triggering opportunity to use your healing tools. Find healthy male groups to be a part of such as Mpowered Brotherhood on Instagram.   Resources: Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show. Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

This episode is about overcoming the pain our inner bullies create. Today’s caller, Ravi, was bullied as a child, and uses his inner critic as a protective measure. He became isolated and disconnected from his intuition, and he cut off listening to his heart because he didn’t want to feel.   [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode82] When we cut off our feelings we not only cut off the pain, but we cut off the love and inspiration as well. What happened in the past does not have to create your future. You can get over it and on with it, but you must be consciously committed to letting it go.   To transform, you need love, wisdom, and compassion from your heart, and alchemy. I guided Ravi through a heart meditation, like this one from a Coaches Corner episode. Ravi experienced clarity after the meditation. His heart said it wanted expression through art.   The next step was to transform his trauma and pain, but Ravi said he didn’t want to go there. Remember, the fear of feeling pain is what keeps you from transforming it. It is possible to alchemize passion, or suffering, into something you love. It takes a lot of energy to suppress pain. If you have had trauma, it can be scary to go there on your own. You should find someone to work with, someone who can go there with you to hold a space for you.   The more you listen to your heart, the more it speaks to you!   Join me this September at my retreat in Bali. Visiting a magical place with like-minded people will transform your mind, body, and spirit. It’s a unique experience where you can experience significant healing that will last the rest of your life. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up.   Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you trying to figure out your issues or challenges in your head? ● Were you bullied, teased or criticized as a child or a teenager, and it still haunts you today? ● Do you have a past trauma you are terrified to address and feel? ● Would you say you live more in your head than in your heart?   Ravi's Question: Ravi wants to know how to find purpose in his life.   Ravi's Key Insights and Ahas: ● He disconnected from his conscious mind to cope with the trauma. ● He internalizes the external bullying. ● He’s scared of failure and being made fun of. ● He has managed his pain, but has not yet transformed it. ● He is in an avoidance pattern and protective mode. ● He’s been in the midst of self-loathing.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● He should tap into the passion he experienced to create art. ● He could help other people who have been bullied. ● He needs to listen to his heart. ● He needs to start alchemizing his pain. ● He should practice release writing when he feels sadness.   Assignments: ● Read The Lesson Quest and Your Life’s Purpose in Chapter 9, The Spiritual Level in Expectation Hangover. ● Be honest about what you are attempting to figure out, and alchemize it. ● Listen to my Coaches Corner with Jim Kwik. ● Volunteer and be of service to someone else to help you with your inner critic.   Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Over It and On With It Listener Survey Expectation Hangover Inner Circle Membership Community Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Jill@Christinehassler.com for Bali Retreat Information Bali Retreat Enrollment Page