Let’s talk about finding the “one”. You know the magical person who is your soulmate, your other half, the one who completes you. I say these things with a tinge of sarcasm but I don’t inject the sarcasm because I am jaded or don’t believe in love, it’s there because of the misunderstandings regarding soulmates and the pain many of us go through when it comes to romantic relationships. I believe there are lots of “ones” out there for us.
My definition of a soulmate is someone who helps our soul to grow. Sometimes it’s through a gut-wrenching break-up, sometimes it’s through dating someone who triggers us and sometimes it’s through someone who just comes in, loves us and holds up a beautiful mirror to remind us of who we truly are. Soulmates can be romantic partners, friends, colleagues and even someone you share a plane ride with once and never see again. So, why are many romantic relationships so painful?
1. The relationships are mirrors which can trigger unresolved issues from our childhood.
2. We often look to a romantic partner to fill our needs that our parents did not meet. This doesn’t attract the best people to us.
3. We may want a relationship so badly to fill our voids or make us feel less alone that we move into a fantasy-based relationship.
Today’s call with Michael is a beautiful example of masculine vulnerability and strength. He finds himself dating from a place of pain rather than from love. He wants to move past the feeling that he needs to prove himself to women. Michael’s mother wasn’t really there for him and so he ends up with women who don’t treat him well and who are not really there for him. This is the problem with trying to fill a void left by a parent through dating. We long so badly for the love of a parent that we attract someone just like them, which re-opens our unhealed wounds. We have to bring love and forgiveness to those places inside and fill ourselves with our own loving acceptance. It’s time to let go of our fears about rejection, abandonment and getting hurt. I have a free gift for all of my podcast listeners.
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Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you longing for a soulmate so much that it is causing you to suffer? Do you keep dating the same person but they have a different face? Could issues from your childhood influence who and how you are dating? Are you in a fantasy based relationship? Could it be time to remove your rose-colored glasses?
Michael's Question: Michael wants to know how to move past the pain of a previous relationship and how to know when the person he is dating is the right one.
Michael's Key Insights and Aha’s: He is trying to heal a core wound from his childhood through a romantic relationship He is putting a lot of pressure on the women he dates He realizes he keeps running back to fix past relationships He carries fear and his unanswered questions around with him He feels unworthy and feels he needs to prove himself to women His strength is in his vulnerability, his honesty and his courage
How to get over it and on with it: He should forgive the misunderstanding that he is unlovable or anything in his past was his fault He needs to re-parent his younger self in a way he always longed for He needs to take a dating hiatus
Assignments and Takeaways: Is there a little boy or girl inside of you that has some misunderstandings which really need to be healed? Could it be time to end or transform your fantasy-based or issue-based relationship? Perhaps it’s time for a dating hiatus and taking some time to date yourself. Fall back in love with yourself and realize just how lovable you are.
Resources: Christine Hassler Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Expectation Hangover @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com
Life Coaching with Christine Hassler