In this episode, I interviewed Andrea Waltz about the book she co-authored with Richard Fenton: Go for NO! YES is the destination NO is how you get there I spoke about this book in Episode 3 – Failure and The Way to Success. I was thrilled with this opportunity to speak with Andrea about some of the key concepts behind her book. We have a natural tendency to avoid NO, and that probably has to do with our fear of rejection. We are social animals, and this means that we seek social acceptance. If we see a NO as a rejection, that NO hurts, and we tend to avoid situations that can lead to hearing a NO. Yet, if we study highly successful people, they don’t see NO or failure as a negative experience. Nonetheless, that goes so much against our natural tendency, and the way we were raised, that makes us wonder if those people have a success gene that we lack. “Your fear of hearing the word ‘no’ is the only thing standing between you and greatness.”( Go for NO!, pg. 28) If this is true, is there a way we can learn to be more at ease with NO, even to want to hear NO? That’s why I love the Go for NO! book. In less than 75 pages, Richard and Andrea tell us a powerful story that will shift the way you see a NO forever. Listen to this interview to learn: - How the image of the fork in the road – with one road that leads to success and the other to failure – is misleading. - How failing and being a “failure” are two very different concepts - How having the goal of getting a “NO” for an answer can literally change your destiny Find more about Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton at GoForNo.com Join their Facebook group and take advantage of the challenges they organize.

This is the last episode around the book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz To summarize, The Four Agreements are: First Agreement: Be impeccable with your word Second Agreement: Don't take anything personally Third Agreement: Don't make assumptions Fourth Agreement: Always do your best Today, I’m going to focus on the last agreement: Always do your best. Don Miguel Ruiz defines this Fourth Agreement as: 1. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret 2. Your best is going to change from moment to moment (it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick) I love how he articulates “Always do your best” because it brings balance to this agreement. If you take only the first part of the definition – simply do your best under any circumstance – we put an enormous burden on our shoulders. If you have the tendency to be a perfectionist, you would zoom into this part of the agreement and use it as a great excuse to feed your perfectionism. If you have the tendency to be a workaholic, you would zoom into this part of the agreement and use it as a great excuse to keep working and working, and working. I have to remind myself about the work of Brené Brown that I spoke about in episode 16: Courage To Be Imperfect. Perfectionism is not the same as striving to be our best.Perfectionism is different than self-improvement. I have to keep in mind the second part of the definition - our best is going to change from moment to moment. Do our best, even be our best, is different from trying to be perfect. I believe that if we fall into the trap of going for perfection, we are not doing our best. We'll be procrastinating because of the fear of not being perfect. These two parts of the definition of “Always do your best” are like the 2 sides of a coin. They exist together. To the perfectionists out there (including me), I want to read a passage from the book that I think is essential in order to live The Four Agreements: You don't need to judge yourself, feel guilty, or punish yourself if you cannot keep these agreements.If you’re doing your best, you will feel good about yourself even if you still make assumptions, still take things personally, and still are not impeccable with your word.If you do your best always, over and over again, you will become a master of transformation. Life is a journey of learning. Enjoy it.

On the last episode, I spoke about “Don't take anything personally” – the second agreement from the book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. In this episode, I focus on the Third Agreement – Don't make assumptions. Don Miguel Ruiz summarizes this agreement as: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really wantCommunicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama Don't Make Assumptions Easier said than done. We have a natural tendency to make assumptions. That’s not the real problem. The problem is to believe that the assumptions we make are the truth. As I referred to in episode 18, in Social Psychology, there are researchers who study how individuals explain their own behavior as well as that of others. I spoke about the Attribution Theory that helps us understand how people make these interpretations and attributions. We can understand assumptions as a type of attribution we make about other people's behavior. It’s the reverse of the coin of the second agreement – not to take things personally, because what others say and do is a projection of their own reality. Following the same logic: the way we interpret what others do, is a projection of our own internal reality. It’s based on our personal stories. Because we take our assumptions as the best explanation of reality, it’s easy to fall into the cycle of complaining and blaming others for what we feel and do - it’s their fault. It’s easier to to try to make others wrong, than to have the courage to face our own gremlins. Think of This scenario... We send out a work proposal via email. After a couple of days, still no response. Our assumptions start to take over: “I knew that I was asking too much."“They are ignoring my email."“After so much time I spent for free with them, they could at least answer." Why not pick up the phone and check what’s going on? There are other possibilities that explain their lack of response. And sometimes, even if our assumptions are true, remember, it’s not about you – don't take it personally. For Instance, Imagine That... We meet in a conference and have a great conversation, even exchange contact information. Then, you are in the airport waiting for your flight to go back home. You see me at a distance. For a moment you think I also saw you, but I walk away. You can assume I have ignored you - and there is the possibility that you are right. If your next assumption is that “I don’t like you” – you are probably wrong. During a busy conference, I use all my extrovert energy to the maximum of my capacity. As soon as I get into the airport, my introvert self takes over. I usually withdraw from social interaction, and if I saw you and thought that you didn’t see me, I would probably walk away. Nothing to do with you. Just me being too tired to interact. The Point Is: We are wired to make assumptions, yet, that doesn't make them true. [Tweet "We are wired to make assumptions, yet, that doesn't make them true."] How Can We Stop Our Tendency To Think Our Assumptions Represent Reality? One possibility is to take the mindfulness approach. Assumptions are thoughts. We can recognize that we have them and then let them go. Be present in the moment and don’t let ourselves get stuck in that specific thought. Once again: easier said than done. Yet, it’s a skill that we can master with practice. Just by doing it, over and over again. Become aware of your thoughts and feelings, accept them without attaching or reacting to them, then let them go. MORE... We can make other people’s lives easier by communicating with them as clearly as we can, and be as impeccable with our words as possible. And if you feel overwhelmed, just tune in for the next episode of this podcast. I’m going to focus on the last agreement “Always do your best” and you will find ...

On the last episode, I focused on the the first agreement from the book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I spoke about “Be impeccable with your word" and reflected on the Power of Words. I even shared some insights from recent psychological research that can help us take this concept to next level, and avoid “The Inverse Power of Praise” Today, I want to focus on the Second Agreement - Don't take anything personally. Ruiz summarizes this agreement as: 1. Nothing others do is because of you 2. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality 3. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering Let’s think about these three points, one at a time: 1. Nothing others do is because of you Think about a common situation that can happen today with the use of Social Media. You post something really meaningful for you in Facebook. Then, you see a negative comment to that post. Do you take this comment personally? Do you think that person that you never met in your life, is doing that to hurt you, or because of you. 2. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality Let’s go back to the Facebook example. That person's interpretation of your post, triggered an emotional reaction that led to writing a negative comment. So, other people's reactions are a projection of their own issues, and nothing to do with you. 3. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering When we don't take things personally, that can be liberating, and prevent us from feeding our own insecurities. So, “Don’t take anything personally" it’s a powerful maximum to live with. Yet, I have the tendency to react to absolute words such as “anything”. It’s easy for me to live by “Don’t take this personally”, yet “Don’t take ANYTHING personally” is going too far. I’m quite good in applying this principle to critiques and other people's negative opinions. I’m good at developing a thick skin, yet the price I pay, is I become numb and this prevents me to enjoying and savoring the praise and positive feelings. So, I decided to apply a twist to this principle inspired by Social Psychology's Attribution Theory. Attribution Theory tries to explain how individuals interpret their success and failures via 3 dimensions: 1- Locus of causality: internal to external The cause of success or failure can be internal – due to factors that we believe have their origin within the person – or external – due to factors that we believe originate in the environment. 2- Stability: Stable to Unstable The cause of the success or failure falls within a stable (constant) to unstable (fluctuating) continuum. We believe a cause is stable – when the outcome is likely to be the same on another occasion. We believe a cause is unstable – when the outcome is likely to be different on another occasion. 3- Controllability: Controllable or Uncontrollable The cause of the success or failure falls within a controllable to uncontrollable continuum. We believe a cause is controllable – when we perceive it as under our volitional or optional control. We believe a cause is uncontrollable – when the circumstances cannot be willed to change. Let’s go back to the Facebook scenario above as an example of a Negative Situation. Negative Situation We post something really meaningful for us in Facebook. Then, we see a negative comment to that post. We take this very personally We see the situation as a big crisis. "How can that person dare to write that? How can that person be so insensitive? I shouldn't have posted that.” "I should know better by now. What was I thinking?" “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have posted that in Facebook.” We interpret the crisis as our responsibility and as something that will happen again (internal locus of causality and stable).

On the last episode I spoke about the book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I explored what Ruiz calls Self-Limiting Beliefs. I call them Mindset Blind-Spots because we are not aware that we hold them, and yet we filter our experiences through them. I even started a 7-day Awareness Challenge for myself. Just to become aware of some of my self-limiting beliefs, and to try to articulate them. The reality is that we all have many of these Mindset Blind-Spots. Don Miguel Ruiz suggests to replace these Self-Limiting Beliefs by The Four Agreements: 1. Be impeccable with your word 2. Don't take anything personally 3. Don't make assumptions 4. Always do your best Today, I want to focus on the first agreement “Be impeccable with your word," and reflect on the power of words. Ruiz defines this First Agreement - Be impeccable with your word - as: Speak with integritySay only what you meanAvoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about othersUse the power of your word in the direction of truth and love We often use expressions such as: "Those are just words." “Too much talking and no action." "Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me." And so forth. All these expressions view words as powerless. Yet, if that was true, why do we get so hurt by words, why do we keep remembering words that someone said to us. Having the capacity of using words is something distinctly human, and we should recognize that words are powerful. Don Miguel Ruiz emphasies the power of words. He writes: "The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. You can speak. What other animal on the planet can speak? The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. ... Depending upon how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know." Let me give another example from another book. Dr. Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset, writes about the power of negative labels. She even refers to research studies that show that to check a box to indicate your race or gender can evoke a stereotype and lower test scores. It seems that this happens at a subconscious level. Words, their meaning and associations are very powerful. Yet, it’s not enough to replace negative words by positive words. It’s not enough to replace negative labels by positive labels. For instance, do you know that praising kids for their intelligence can be counterproductive? See the video below that summarizes some of this research. jQLeadBrite("#leadplayer_video_element_54C1190A5CCA1").leadplayer(false, "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"); We can learn a lot from these type of studies. We can learn to avoid “The Inverse Power of Praise”, and focus our positive words to praise other peoples effort in a specific and concrete wa...

At the beginning of the year, I like to re-read books that impacted me in the past. This year, I decided to read again The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a beautifully written short book that calls our attention to the many self-limiting beliefs we hold in our lives. The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, calls these beliefs agreements. I like to call them Mindset Blind-Spots, because we are not aware that we hold them, yet we filter our experiences through them. According to Don Miguel Ruiz, if we learn to replace these self-limiting beliefs by The Four Agreements proposed in his book, we can change our lives for the better. These Four Agreements are: 1. Be impeccable with your word 2. Don't take anything personally 3. Don't make assumptions 4. Always do your best In the next episodes of this podcast, I will focus on these agreements. Today, I want to explore the concept of agreement as a self-limiting belief which we hold without awareness. This is why I consider these self-limiting beliefs as Mindset Blind-Spots. Yet, unlike the visual blind spot I described in Episode 6: Blind Spots - We All Have Them, we are not born with Mindset Blind-Spots - we learn them. Don Miguel Ruiz calls this learning process the domestication of humans. It’s how we typically learn how to live and how to dream. This often happens at a subconscious level. We start to believe in certain rules as truisms that we don't even consider to challenge. These can be rules like saying “Thank You" when someone gives us as a gift. To take as fact that if someone says we are “dumb”, “ugly”, “bad” that also must be true. I see this process of domestication as part of being human, living in an organized society. Yet, I like the idea of living in a society where I have some say about the rules that govern it. Luckily enough, I lived all my live in countries ruled by democratic regimes, where theoretically, we have some say on the rules. Yet there are so many implicit and subtle rules that are not written, but are as strong or even stronger that the written ones. I want to have a say on these rules too. Even if it's to agree that I want to keep following that rule. This is vital, because often these are the rules that govern our personal lives. I know that I cannot be in a state of constant analysis – that would lead to analysis paralysis. I would be so overwhelmed that would prevent me to do any meaningful action. Yet, I like to create spaces where I become aware of these unwritten rules. This helps me to become aware of my own Mindset Blind-Spots. I see this as a three-step ABC process: Step 1: Awareness – Become aware that we have many self-limiting beliefs that make us react in a certain way Step 2: Breath Out – Remind myself that I have the power to press the pause button. I don’t have to react, I can choose how to respond Step 3: Create My Response (following my own agreements) I speak about this on Episode 8: React or Create–Your Choice. Love the quote that Stephen R. Covey attributes to Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response there is a space.In that space is our power to choose our response.In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I love this quote because, we usually see a stimulus as something that activates a response almost automatically. There – between stimulus and response – Frankl sees a space. A brief space where we have the power to choose our response. A brief space where we can learn to be creators of our lives and not just be reactors. This is very powerful and transformational. My challenge for the my next 7 days is to focus on awareness - Step 1 of the ABC process described. The goal is to become more aware. Whenever possible, I will write down my awareness or feelings about the situation. What are the rules am I following?How do I feel about them?Do I feel I need to do this,

Perfection - I strive for perfection. I always did, and I still do. I like to do things as well as possible. I'm always looking for ways to improve. I know that perfection is an illusion. It's impossible to produce something totally flawless, but why not to try to create something as good as possible. In preparation to produce this Podcast,  I invested the time and money to learn from the Podcast Answer Man, Cliff Ravenscraft. To launch this podcast, I invested the time and money to learn from John Lee Dumas of Entrepreneurs On Fire. I decided to do this podcast – MINDSET ZONE – because I know that I can create experiences that will help my listeners to expand their possibilities about what they can do and be. Most of the episodes have been solo, and I only bring guests for interviews, when I think that adds significant value to the overall experience to my listener. I'm also aware that when we do a podcast interview, we increase the reach of our message to a wider audience. We are potentially speaking to our own peeps and well as the people who already follow our guest. Thus, to bring the Best-Selling Author Michael Port, to the last week's episode was a very important event at both levels (to create an incredible experience and increase the reach of the Mindset Zone to new listeners). I wanted this interview to be as to be perfect as possible. I Did The Prep Work I had prepared the topic and questions I wanted to cover with Michael well ahead of time. I thought I had planned equally well the environment here in my home office to be ready for this event. This happened during my 5 year-old daughter's school winter break, thus I asked my husband to take her out of the house during the interview. There was a miscommunication about timing, and they returned home during the recording. There I was, trying not to panic, and trying to manage everything in order not to ruin my perfect interview. If you are a home based solo-preneur, you probably get this scenario. Not surprisingly my daughter interrupted the interview by saying hello in the mic (she loves mics!). Again, trying not to panic and bring all my professional skills into play, I utilized the situation to illustrate how we have to be able to deal with situations that are not perfect and yet keep putting our work out there. Courage To Be Imperfect Still, the truth is, it took me a week to gather the courage to listen to the recording and decide if I was going to use it or not. I had worked hard to produce this interview. It was the right timing. My show was trending high in the New & Noteworthy lists in iTunes. I was showing in the main feature chart. I rated: Number 1 in Education>Training and Health>Self-Help Categories.Number 2 in the Business>Management & Marketing category, in both the New & Noteworthy list, as well as, the Top Podcast list. Finally, I was reaching more people, and I knew I had the opportunity to give them an experience that could determine if they will keep following my show (or not). I had to decide to publish (or not to publish) the interview. What would people think? What kind of professional image am I going to project? Agonizing with these issues, I thought of possible solutions. Maybe, I could edit that part out (but, there was solid content that I would have had to cut as well). Maybe, I could ask Michael to re-record the interview, (however, that would delay the release of that episode at least for a couple of weeks). I gathered my courage (and pressured by the deadline to make a decision,) and hit play. The interview sounded better than expected. The Reality... The reality is that doing a good interview with Michael Port is not difficult. If we have a good enough first question, we just have to keep out of his way and he will produce a great show, full of useful and powerful content. Yes,

During this episode, I interviewed my mentor Michael Port about the Think BIG MindSet. Michael Port has been called an "uncommonly honest author" by the Boston Globe, and a "marketing guru" by The Wall Street Journal. He has written 5 bestselling books including Book Yourself Solid, Beyond Booked Solid, The Contrarian Effect, the New York Times Bestseller, The Think Big Manifesto, and Book Yourself Solid Illustrated Edition. He is also known as “The guy to call when you are tired of thinking small." In fact, everything he does is inspired by thinking big about who you are and what you offer the world. Thus Michael is the ideal person to speak about this topic. In this interview we speak about: How to become aware if we are thinking small or thinking big, and if we are going for approval or resultsNon-geeky approaches to Social Media and MarketingTypes of balance that go beyond life and workHow to make the Mindset shift to start to play bigThe concept that all the world is a stageHow to claim who we want to becomeDifferent roles we play in our livesPerfectionismHow to plan the New Year Links referred to: http://heroicpublicspeaking.com/live http://michaelport.com Please rate and especially write a review in iTunes.

The idea behind this podcast is that our mindsets determine the way we see the world. And, because it’s so easy to stay stuck in Fixed Mindsets, that prevents us from learning new things, it’s vital to intentionally cultivate Growth Mindsets. These concepts of Fixed and Growth Mindsets are based on the work of Carol Dweck, a Stanford University psychologist. In her book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success–she describes decades of research about why people succeed or fail, and how the Fixed and Growth Mindsets play a role in this process. Dr. Dweck's 10-minute TED Talk, “The Power Of Believing That You Can Improve”, gives a powerful introduction to these concepts. One of my favorite golden nuggets from her presentation is how she explains the Power of YET. She begins by describing research studies about how 10-year-old children coped with learning challenges. In her own words: So I gave 10-year-olds problems that were slightly too hard for them. Some of them reacted in a shockingly positive way. They said things like, "I love a challenge," or, "You know, I was hoping this would be informative." They understood that their abilities could be developed. They had what I call a growth mindset. But other students felt it was tragic, catastrophic. From their more fixed mindset perspective, their intelligence had been up for judgment and they failed. Instead of luxuriating in the power of yet, they were gripped in the tyranny of now." So what do they do next? I'll tell you what they do next. In one study, they told us they would probably cheat the next time instead of studying more if they failed a test. In another study, after a failure, they looked for someone who did worse than they did so they could feel really good about themselves. And in study after study, they have run from difficulty. Scientists measured the electrical activity from the brain as students confronted an error. On the left, you see the fixed mindset students. There's hardly any activity. They run from the error. They don't engage with it. But on the right, you have the students with the growth mindset, the idea that abilities can be developed. They engage deeply. Their brain is on fire with yet. They engage deeply. They process the error. They learn from it and they correct it." Let’s think about these studies for a moment. Research shows us that when a child has a Fixed Mindset as regards their skills and abilities they run away from challenges, they even go as far as to cheat, and compare themselves with children who do worse than they do. If they have a Growth Mindset, they see difficulties as a challenge to overcome, to learn from. Their brain fires up, and they engage. These same principles apply to adults as well. Think about the implications of these principles for our personal and professional lives. If we are locked into a Fixed Mindset, we are gripped in the tyranny of now. If we challenge ourselves with a Growth Mindset, we can luxuriate in the Power of YET. So, how can we cultivate a Growth Mindset in our lives? Here are some clues from Dr. Dweck: First of all, we can praise wisely, not praising intelligence or talent. That has failed. Don't do that anymore. But praising the process that kids engage in: their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance, their improvement. This process praise creates kids who are hardy and resilient. There are other ways to reward yet. We recently teamed up with game scientists from the University of Washington to create a new online math game that rewarded yet. In this game, students were rewarded for effort, strategy and progress. The usual math game rewards you for getting answers right right now, but this game rewarded process. And we got more effort, more strategies, more engagement over longer periods of time, and more perseverance when they hit really, really hard problems. Just the words "yet" or "not yet," we're finding,

I had a thought provoking conversation with Sarah Thompson, a financial expert, on how to overcome the fear of running out of money. I invited Sarah, because she has a well of experiences, from working on the corporate world, to her own personal struggles with debt, finances, and success. Now she brings it all together in her own coaching and consulting business - MoreMoneyMentoring.com. Love to hear your comments about this conversation. Others links: Mindset.Zone/8 - Episode 008: React or Create – Your Choice Mindset.Zone/6 - Episode 006: Blind Spots – We All Have Them Mindset.Zone/4 - Episode 004: Growth Mindset – Yes, We Can Learn It Thank you for the iTunes Reviews! Food4BonesEmpowered PurposeRamona V.Vered K.DrddlDenice WhiteleyHolly CrumpJoshco0752John Murphy (Ireland)TBSolutionsDonDBook Yourself Solid Jason (Canada)KarrenGarrityPoetinprogressWatcha33The Healthy EntrepreneurMalaMonkeyHeather*02Matt McWilliamsLifeForce SolutionsAdrienne Olso Your reviews encourage us and help others find this podcast! Please rate and especially write a review for us in iTunes.