Where Do We Go From Here?

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture. Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States. Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone. This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction. Topics include: Purity culture as a political and racial project Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism White feminism and its limits Disembodiment and bodily shame Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics The After Purity Project and lived experience Core Readings Referenced in This Episode After Purity — Sara Moslener Pure — Linda Kay Klein Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture. Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs? The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection. The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey. This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear. Topics include: Christian dating after purity culture Consent, agency, and sexual ethics Celibacy as choice vs obligation Deconstruction without deconversion Dating privilege and power in church spaces Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies Faith, grief, and communal prayer

This Christmas Eve, we're unwrapping a special gift for everyone. Normally, our Rom-Com Recaps are exclusive to our Patreon partners, but for December we're sharing this one on the main feed as a thank-you and a holiday treat. In this episode, Jess is joined by Bri from our Patreon community to recap and unpack Happiest Season. The 2020 holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis set out to be a festive queer love story, but left many viewers divided. We dive into: The central relationship between Abby and Harper and why it frustrated us more than it warmed our hearts The emotional cost of closeting a partner and where consent breaks down Why Dan Levy's character delivers the most honest moment in the entire film The chemistry that arguably should have changed the ending Whether this movie was made for queer audiences or about them How family pressure, image management, and unspoken expectations shape holiday dynamics This conversation goes beyond a simple movie review. We talk honestly about coming out, family roles, emotional labour, and why "happily ever after" sometimes feels unearned. If you love rom-coms, have complicated feelings about Christmas, or have ever watched a holiday movie and thought "wait… this isn't actually okay," this episode is for you. 🎁 A Christmas gift from us to you. Enjoy. For access to the RomCom Recap of Saved! simply sign up as a free or paid member at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Can questioning your beliefs coexist with maintaining faith? The hosts dive into the complexities of deconstruction, exploring how it can signify growth rather than loss. Jessica opens up about the implications of her past work with Joshua Harris, while Emily shares insights from Fowler's Stages of Faith, linking personal development to spiritual journeys. Kristen reflects on the emotional toll of leaving church communities, emphasizing the importance of reinterpretation and finding new foundations. Together, they grapple with what to preserve in faith amid uncertainty.

In this special interview, EDJ sits down with writer and cultural critic Anna Rollins, author of Famished, to talk about the haunting overlap between purity culture, diet culture, and the ways women learn to shrink themselves — in body, desire, and voice. With honesty and nuance, Anna speaks about her own story, the systems that shaped her, and the practices she's now reclaiming. This is an episode for anyone who grew up equating holiness with self-erasure, or who has ever sensed that controlling the body is often a proxy for controlling sexuality, worthiness, and belonging. In this conversation, we explore: ✨ The shared logic between purity culture and diet culture — and why both teach women that their bodies are a threat ✨ How thinness, obedience, and "good girl" energy become spiritualised ✨ Anna's journey through disordered eating and recovery ✨ Why evangelical spaces often reward self-denial but punish desire ✨ The shame-fear cycle that forms when food, sex, and worth collapse into each other ✨ How Anna rebuilt a relationship with her body, appetite, and autonomy ✨ The theological stories that keep harmful systems alive — and the better ones that can replace them EDJ and Anna also dig into the deeper question this podcast always circles back to: What happens when we stop starving ourselves — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — and start living as whole people? ⚠️ Content warning: This episode includes discussion of diet culture, disordered eating, and a reference to sexual assault. Take care of yourself as you listen.

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together. This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify. You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind? This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack: ✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset. Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers. This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom. For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions: What does celibacy really mean? How is celibacy different from abstinence? Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"? And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between? Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests: Peter Valk A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares: What vocational celibacy is (and isn't) How he discerned his call Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life Dr. Dani Treweek Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture: The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought. You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture. ✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner Equip Your Community – Peter Valk Nashville Family of Brothers Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex? Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered: How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook? What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories? How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment? What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex? …this episode is for you. Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed. You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope. Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion. ✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts MathiasRoberts.com Instagram: @mathiasroberts

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality. Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal. This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence. In this episode: Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at" How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love Resources Mentioned: Lydia Adéla's website Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard