Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Susan Rogers, author of This Is What It Sounds Like, offers insight into what different tastes in music reveal about personality. Plus, how parents and teens can connect more deeply by sharing and exploring music.  Full Show NotesMusic is deeply personal, especially for teenagers. In this episode, we’re exploring what your teen’s music taste says about them and how you can use music to connect more deeply.We’re joined by Susan Rogers, a cognitive neuroscientist, award-winning professor at Berklee College of Music, multi-platinum record producer, and author. With decades of experience in the music industry and a PhD researching music perception and cognition, Susan has rare insight into both the art and science of music.In our conversation, Susan explains that musical tastes are highly individualized, tapping into our inner psyche and self-image. Criticizing your teen’s music taste can feel like a personal attack to them. Instead, Susan suggests having a “record pull” where family members take turns playing music they love for each other. This allows everyone to glimpse into each other’s musical psyche.What Your Teen’s Taste RevealsWe discuss fascinating research Susan conducted asking people what visuals and memories they associate with their favorite music. Results showed the majority of people see autobiographical memories, allowing them to relive happy moments from their past. For teens, this often means music from when they were younger.Susan explains music activates the brain’s “default network” tied to our sense of self. So when teens listen to music they relate to, it becomes deeply enmeshed with their personal identity. Lyrics often take a backseat, Susan says, with musical qualities resonating more deeply.Using Music to ConnectWith the teenage brain still developing areas related to identity and self-perception, what teens believe their peers think of them becomes what they think of themselves. Susan suggests asking teens openly about their music, not to criticize their taste but to understand them better.Playing music you relate to for your teen can also help them understand you, glimpsing into your psyche. Susan proposes a “record pull” where family members share meaningful music with each other.Additional Topics:How streaming led to highly individualized musical tasteDance and musical style reflecting generational cultureProcessing lyrics versus musical qualitiesAreas of the teenage brain still under construction

Michelle Icard, author of Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, returns to clue us in on what to say and do when our teens stumble and fall. We cover Michelle’s easy three-step method to speaking to your teen about any failure.  Full Show NotesSetbacks and failures might seem like the worst things for teens, but they can actually be pivotal moments that build character strengths. In her new book "Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success," psychologist and parenting expert Michelle Icard flips the script on our instinct to shield teens from failure. Instead of seeing failure as something to avoid, Michelle helps reframe these experiences as opportunities for teens to grow.In this episode, Michelle walks us through the three steps she's identified to help teens leverage setbacks on their way to adulthood: separating emotions from events, identifying lessons and values, and planning next steps. We also discuss common setbacks teens face involving friendships, academics, digital life, values, and more. Michelle shares advice for how parents can respond in helpful ways, have constructive conversations, and model resilience.Why Failure MattersIt's natural for parents to want to protect their teens from hurt, but experiencing failure is how teens build grit and perseverance. Setbacks teach problem-solving skills that are essential for adulthood. Still, watching your teen struggle can be painful. Michelle explains failure is part of an age-old process of identity formation common to cultures across history. Understanding this developmental path can help reframe our perspective.Michelle also describes her three-step method to help teens process failures in productive ways. By separating emotions, identifying lessons, and planning next actions, parents can guide teens through setbacks without shame. Avoiding judgment and punishment is key.Common Setbacks Teens FaceMichelle outlines eight of the most common setbacks teens experience today in areas like friendships, school, social media use, values conflicts, risky behaviors, looks and body image, planning for the future, and more. She shares real-life examples and typical parent reactions, explaining how to reframe these cases as learning opportunities.We dive deeper into a few specific scenarios. Michelle offers insights into tricky situations like helping teens struggling to make friends, addressing rule-breaking and risky behavior, navigating conflicts over values, and guiding teens anxious about the future. Her advice helps move interactions from blame and anger to openness and growth.Modeling ResilienceExperiencing failure isn’t just part of growing up for teens, it’s an inevitable part of life for adults too. Michelle describes how parents can use their own setbacks as teaching moments. By modeling resilience, honesty, and emotional management, parents show their teens how to transform trials into personal triumphs.

Dennis Baron, author of What’s Your Pronoun?, takes us on a journey through the evolution of pronouns. Younger generations are boldly claiming their linguistic identities—how do we better understand them?Full Show NotesIn recent years, the discussion around pronouns has expanded well beyond the binary he and she, with young people leading the charge in educating themselves and others about the variety of pronouns people use to express their identities. This movement towards a more inclusive language might seem novel, but Dennis Baron, author of "What's Your Pronoun?" reveals that the conversation around pronoun usage has deep historical roots.This episode explores the fascinating history of alternative pronoun usage, unearthing attempts to reform the English language and fill what have been perceived as gaps in our pronoun set with gender-neutral or common gender pronouns. Through his research, Baron discovered over 200 proposals for alternative pronouns in just three months, many dating back to the 19th and early 20th centuries, such as thon, ze, and even the singular they.The Quest for a Gender-Neutral PronounBaron's journey into the world of pronouns began over 40 years ago when he researched attempts to reform the English language. He found that alongside spelling and grammar reforms, there was a significant push for a gender-neutral or common gender pronoun. Interestingly, this quest for an inclusive pronoun is not new, with proposals dating back to the 19th century.The Singular They and ControversiesOne significant aspect of the conversation around pronouns is the use of singular they. Baron points out that despite criticism, singular they has been part of the English language since the 14th century. The resistance to singular they highlights broader debates about language, inclusivity, and identity, which are explored in depth in this episode.The Political and Social Implications of Pronoun UsageThe episode also delves into the political and social implications of pronoun usage, examining how language can both include and exclude individuals. Baron discusses recent legislative attempts to restrict pronoun usage, highlighting the ongoing battle for recognition and respect within the linguistic domain.In the Episode…This conversation with Dennis Baron is not just about pronouns; it's a deep dive into the evolving nature of language, identity, and social acceptance. In addition to the topics discussed above, we also cover:   - The impact of social movements on language reform   - The challenges of introducing new pronouns into everyday language   - How language reforms reflect broader societal changes   - The role of language in shaping our understanding of gender and identityThrough Dennis Baron's insightful exploration of the history and present of pronouns, listeners will gain a greater appreciation for the complexity and beauty of language evolution. Don't miss this fascinating episode that bridges past and present to illuminate the path towards a more inclusive future. Listen now, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening discussions.

Devorah Heitner, author of Growing Up in Public, sheds light on the multiple ways we monitor teen’s digital lives and the broader implications of constant surveillance. We also dive into the challenges and opportunities that arise when raising tech-savvy teens. Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today’s digitally-focused and surveillance-heavy society can feel like uncharted territory for many parents. The constant monitoring—from social media engagement to academic performance tracking—has transformed the way teens experience their formative years. This digital reality brings a host of new challenges for families, navigating the balance between keeping children safe online and respecting their privacy and independence. But how can parents support their teens without infringing on their autonomy? How can families encourage resilience and kindness in a world that often feels intrusive?In this week's episode of Talking to Teens, we're delving deep into the complexities of parenting in a digital society. We're joined by Devorah Heitner, an expert in the impact of technology on children and teens, and the author of "Growing Up in Public." Devorah's work has been featured in major outlets such as The New York Times and CNN, and she's here to share her insights on empowering parents to foster resilient and respectful digital citizens.Digital Surveillance: A Double-Edged SwordOur kids are growing up under a microscope, scrutinized by both the technology they use and the watchful eyes of their parents. This constant surveillance can have profound implications for their development, sense of self, and privacy. Devorah helps us understand the spectrum of digital monitoring practices—from reading texts to tracking locations—and invites us to question the impact of these actions on our relationships with our teenagers.The Public Life of Teens: Navigating Mistakes OnlineIn a world where a single post or comment can have lasting consequences, how can we prepare our teens to navigate their public lives wisely? Devorah discusses the real risks associated with digital missteps and offers practical advice for supporting teens through potential public scrutiny. She emphasizes the importance of leading with compassion and empathy, both for our children and their peers.Resilience in the Face of Digital DilemmasLearning to make amends and move forward from online errors is crucial for building resilience. Whether dealing with minor misjudgments or more severe mistakes, Devorah guides us through approaches to help teens learn from their experiences. She stresses the importance of focusing on character development over punitive responses, encouraging an environment where teens feel safe to seek guidance and share their concerns.Preparing for Digital IndependenceAs our teens grow, they will inevitably face decisions about their digital presence and privacy without our direct supervision. Devorah provides insights into fostering discussions about online behaviors, privacy, and consent. She also tackles tough topics like sexting and online bullying, providing a roadmap for open, non-shame-based conversations with our teens.In this episode, we cover many more aspects of the digital challenges facing teens and their families, including:- Strategies for teaching digital empathy and kindness- How to discuss the permanent nature of online actions with teens- Balancing teen privacy with parental concern in the digital age- Encouraging critical thinking about social media and consumerismListen to the full episode for Devorah Heitner’s expert advice on navigating the digital world with your teen. Whether you’re dealing with minor privacy concerns or confronting a serious online mistake, you'll find actionable tips and compassionate insights to help support your teenager. Don't forget to share and subscribe to Talking to Teens, as we continue exploring the art and science of parenting in the digital age.

Jarie Bolander, author of Ride or Die, shares his experience of parenting through grief and the stigma that comes with it as a man. His journey through grief toward resilience is a testament to the power of vulnerability with our teens and others.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers can often feel like an underappreciated marathon. You pour your heart and soul into managing their lives - from keeping a roof over their heads to navigating their emotional storms - only to be met with what seems like a bottomless pit of demands and indifference. But, is this struggle unique to parenting, or is it a universal sentiment felt by caregivers at large?Jarie Bolander found himself plunged into an intense caregiving role when his wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia. As he juggled his business, hers, and her complete medical and emotional care, he encountered a profound sense of being unappreciated. Surprisingly, his journey mirrors many elements of parenting teenagers.Jarie is an author and entrepreneur, brings a unique perspective to the table. With a background in writing business books and a personal journey through tragic loss, Jarie’s recent memoir, *Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir*, offers deep insights into the emotional landscape of care, love, and appreciation.Insights on Gratitude and ControlJarie's experience with his wife's illness brought to light how feelings of ungratefulness often stem from a lack of control. This insight resonates with the teen-parent dynamic, where teenagers' striving for independence clashes with parental control, often manifesting as a seeming lack of gratitude. Standards of Behavior and AspirationsDrawing parallels between caregiving and stepping into a parenting role for a teenager, Jarie emphasizes setting standards of behavior and providing role models for aspiration. He advocates for open dialogues and rational decision-making that respects the teenager's burgeoning sense of autonomy.The Lessons of Love and LossJarie's narrative isn't just about the hard times. It's a lesson in gratitude, resilience, and the human capacity for love. His journey through caregiving, loss, and stepping into a stepparent role sheds light on the universal challenges of caring for another and the profound growth it can stimulate.Topics Covered:- The parallels between caregiving for a terminally ill spouse and parenting teenagers- How feelings of ungratefulness can arise from a perceived lack of control- The importance of setting expectations and standards of behavior for teenagers- Balancing guidance with allowing autonomy- The transformative power of facing tragedy and finding love and happiness againListen to the Episode:Jarie's story is both heart-wrenching and inspirational, offering profound insights for any parent feeling underappreciated or struggling to connect with their teenager. His experiences remind us of the importance of understanding, patience, and open communication.Don't miss this powerful episode. Subscribe to Talking to Teens to hear more enlightening discussions that can help you navigate the complexities of teen parenting.

Juna Grata and Dr. Edward Phillips, co-authors of Food, We Need to Talk, join us to discuss controversial health topics. We cover how parents can skillfully navigate tricky talks on weight, exercise, and dieting.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's society comes with a myriad of concerns, from academic pressures to social dynamics, but one topic that lurks in the shadows of family life is how we approach the subject of food. For many parents, navigating discussions around eating habits, body image, and nutrition is like walking a tightrope, filled with potential missteps that could lead to unhealthy patterns. Yet, ignoring these conversations isn't the solution either. So, how can parents support their teens in developing a healthy relationship with food?This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the complexities of food, diet, and metabolism with Juna Grata and Dr. Edward Phillips, co-authors of "Food, We Need to Talk." Juna Grata, a Harvard graduate with a rich background in cognitive neuroscience and a personal journey through the maze of diet culture, and Dr. Edward Phillips, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School specializing in physical medicine and rehabilitation, bring together their expertise and experiences to shed light on how to talk about food in a way that nurtures healthy habits.Debunking the Metabolism MythOne of the biggest misconceptions that surround our understanding of food and weight is metabolism. Juna and Edward unravel the science behind metabolism, clarifying common myths and explaining how our body's energy management system really works. They emphasize the role of muscle mass in metabolism and challenge the widely held belief that our metabolic rate dramatically slows down as we age.The Problem with DietsAt the heart of many family tensions around food is the topic of dieting. With an overwhelming array of diets promising quick fixes, it's no wonder parents and teens find themselves caught in a cycle of restrictive eating. Our guests discuss why diets often fail in the long term and how they can lead to unhealthy eating habits and disorders.Navigating Conversations About WeightJuna shares her personal experiences with family comments about weight and how they contributed to an unhealthy relationship with food. Edward, as a parent, provides perspective on the fine line between promoting healthy habits and contributing to body image issues. They provide insights into how parents can foster a supportive environment that focuses on health and well-being rather than weight.Foster a Healthy Food EnvironmentOur episode explores strategies for creating a home where healthy eating is the norm, not the exception. From shopping habits to meal preparation, Juna and Edward offer practical tips for encouraging nutritious choices without making food a source of conflict. They advocate for framing food as fuel, emphasizing its role in supporting our body’s needs, including enhancing physical performance and cognitive functions.In the episode...Understanding the role of fat in our diet and dispelling the myth of fat as the enemyStrategies for involving teens in meal planning and cooking to promote healthier eating habitsThe importance of modeling healthy habits and creating a non-restrictive food environment at homeHow to support teens struggling with body image issues and foster body positivityThe impact of external influences, such as social media and peers, on teens’ eating habits and perceptions of healthJoin us for an enlightening conversation that will equip you with the tools and knowledge to have meaningful dialogues about food with the teenagers in your life. Don’t forget to listen to the full episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of Never Enough, shares insight into modern day “achievement culture.” We discuss the hidden consequences of pushing teens too hard, and how to help teens balance achievement and fulfillment.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers in today's world comes with a unique set of challenges, not least of which is the increasing pressure on teens to excel in all areas of their lives. From school achievements to extracurricular activities, our teens are bombarded with the message that they need to do more, be more, and achieve more just to matter. But what if the secret to raising healthy, happy, and successful teenagers is not about pushing them to achieve more but helping them understand that they already matter?In this eye-opening episode of Talking to Teens, we're delving deep into the world of high-achieving teens and the often toxic culture surrounding their quest for success. We're joined by Jenny Wallace, a seasoned journalist who has spent the last four years investigating the rise of toxic achievement culture across America. Jenny's work, including hundreds of interviews with teenagers, parents, and experts, culminates in her latest book, Never Enough, which aims to shed light on this pressing issue and offer practical solutions for parents.Jenny brings a wealth of experience to the table, having worked as a journalist for 60 minutes and frequently contributed to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post. As a parent of three teenagers herself, Jenny's insights are not only research-based but deeply personal, making her guidance invaluable for anyone navigating the complex world of teen parenting today.The Weight of AchievementJenny begins by addressing the mounting evidence suggesting that teenagers attending high-achieving schools are at an increased risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. She discusses the pervasive "never enough" mentality that drives teens to prioritize achievements over their well-being, often at a significant cost. By shining a light on this issue, Jenny hopes to encourage parents to reevaluate how they define success for their teenagers.The Power of MatteringAt the heart of Jenny's message is the concept of mattering—ensuring that our teens feel valued for who they are, not just what they accomplish. Jenny's research reveals a stark reality: many teens believe their parents value their achievements more than their intrinsic worth as individuals. She shares compelling stories and data that illustrate the importance of fostering a sense of unconditional mattering in our children's lives.Practical Solutions for ParentsJenny doesn't just diagnose the problem; she offers a pathway forward. She shares practical strategies and personal anecdotes that demonstrate how parents can create a home environment where teens know they matter regardless of their achievements. From simple exercises to meaningful conversations, Jenny provides actionable advice for parents looking to support their teens in healthy and sustainable ways.In the EpisodeOur conversation with Jenny is packed with insights and advice, covering topics such as:Recognizing the signs of toxic achievement culture in our homes and schoolsStrategies for communicating unconditional love and support to our teensThe importance of prioritizing our own well-being as parentsSuccess stories of teens who thrive within high-achieving environmentsAnd much more!This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone who plays a significant role in the life of a teenager. Jenny Wallace's informed and compassionate approach to tackling the toxic achievement culture offers a beacon of hope for families navigating these challenges.Don't miss this powerful conversation on how we can help our teenagers understand that they matter—not because of what they achieve, but because of who they are. Listen to the full episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens today.

Brooke Romney, author of 52 Modern Manners for Today's Teenagers, takes us beyond basic etiquette to understand how manners shape important life skills and awareness in teenagers. We discover why manners matter more than ever in the digital age and post-Covid worldFull Show NotesRaising teenagers in today’s world is challenging, with digital distractions and societal pressures complicating traditional upbringing methods. Parents often wonder if they've covered all the bases in preparing their children for adulthood, especially when it comes to social skills and manners that go beyond the dining table.In today's episode, we sit down with Brooke Romney, a prolific writer, speaker, educator, and connector known for her insightful pieces in The Washington Post and Deseret News. Brooke is here to share her unique approach to bridging the gap between what teenagers know and what they need to know to thrive socially and emotionally.Bridging the Teenage GapBrooke noticed a divide among teens—those who mastered social skills naturally and those who struggled, often due to a lack of explicit teaching or various personal challenges. Observing this, she was inspired to create a resource that would serve as a comprehensive guide, covering everything from initiating conversations to being a considerate guest. Her work, "52 Modern Manners for Today's Teens," provides teenagers and their families with a roadmap to successful social interactions and relationship-building.More Than Manners: Life Skills for SuccessBrooke’s mission extends beyond teaching which fork to use. By defining "manners" as essential life skills, her books delve into the practical aspects of leading a fulfilled life. Topics range from the simple act of introducing oneself to more complex issues like inclusivity and empathy. Through engaging presentations and family discussions, Brooke’s books aim to not only instruct but to connect, providing a shared language for families to address common social scenarios positively.From Observations to ActionsIn an era dominated by smartphones, many teens miss out on learning from real-world interactions observed in their environments. Brooke highlights the importance of being explicit in teaching these life skills, given that observational learning has diminished. Her material serves as a reminder and a guide for teens to learn the social norms that might not be as intuitively absorbed as generations past.The Power of ConnectionOne of the central themes in Brooke Romney’s work is the emphasis on relationship-building and connection. By understanding and implementing these 52 manners, teens can unlock doors to more meaningful interactions and opportunities. Brooke’s books not only offer teenagers the "cheat codes" to navigating life's social challenges but also help parents approach these topics in a non-confrontational, supportive manner.In the Episode…Discover the inspiration behind Brooke Romney’s dedication to teen development.Learn about the unique approach Brooke takes to teach manners as life skills.Explore various manners from introductions to celebration of others, and the impact on teen success.Find out how these manners can create a foundation for strong relationships and personal growth.Hear about real-life examples of families and teens who have benefitted from Brooke’s guidance.Ready to help your teen master the art of living well in a modern world? Tune in to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert insights on teen upbringing.

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author and clinical neuroscientist, shares wisdom from her years of study and practice helping kids develop healthy minds. She offers us practical tips on what parents can do to help their teens build mental resilience for years to come.Full Show NotesIt will come as no surprise to parents up and down the country to hear that we are in the midst of a mental health crisis, and it is our children and adolescents who are bearing the brunt of it.Every generation faces change, experiencing something completely unique and different to the last - whether that’s technological, political, socioeconomic or something else entirely. Change is life’s constant companion. However, when the pace of change accelerates but we do not adapt our methods for managing life’s chaos along with it, our mental health suffers.The model our society has in place for managing mental health has remained largely unchanged over the last 50 years and it is no longer keeping pace with our mental health needs. This has left us in a mental mess; one that is felt most acutely by the youngest members of our society.A change in approach is long overdue, and if we want our children to rise to life’s challenges today, we need to adapt our own thinking so that we can equip our kids with the tools they need to thrive now.To learn what we can do to help our teenagers manage their mental health and find peace of mind, we’re talking to Dr Caroline Leaf, author of How to Help Your Child Clean Up Their Mental Mess.Caroline is a communication pathologist and cognitive neurologist who specializes in helping people to see the power of their mind and find mental peace. With over 40 years of research and writing in this area, she is a best-selling author of 19 books, has a top-rated podcast, and currently lectures at academic, medical, corporate, and religious conferences around the world.In our interview, we’re talking about the impact our mind has on our brain, body and lives and how managing our teen’s mental health starts with managing our own.The Mind Is Not The BrainWhen we talk about the mind and the brain, we often use the two words interchangeably. But the mind and brain are not the same thing, says Caroline - they’re separate. It is our mind that actually processes life. The mind translates life to the brain, and the brain responds on a neurochemical and physical level and directs the bodily response. In the study of psycho-neurobiology, Caroline explains, we look at how the mind changes both the biology of the brain and the body, and how this mind-brain-body connection impacts us and influences how we show up in life.If we look at how a person is showing up, how they are communicating, how they are feeling in their body, we can read the signs that tell us the story behind them. Then, Caroline says, we can help that person process the story in a very organized and sequential way to understand its source, reconceptualize it, and influence how it plays out in their future.Because stuff has happened and will happen, Caroline says, and you can’t change that fact. So, what we need to know is what is happening inside of our minds and what we can do to manage it.Caroline describes her system, which she calls the neurocycle, as the cyclical process of how life becomes a part of us and how we can, in turn, influence life. She explains that we are all constantly neurocycling and we’re either doing it well and managing, or we’re not and it’s messy. A messy mind means a messy brain, messy body and a messy life. But over the last 50 years, this mental messiness has been reduced down to a set of symptoms to diagnose, medicate and ultimately eliminate. Ignoring the complexity, the massiveness of a person’s unique story, Caroline says, does not help to clean up this messiness. Symptoms are just the tip of the iceberg. Experiencing a mental mess is okay, she says, so long as we read the signs and do something about it. We need to take the time to understand our mind-brain-body connection and how we can better manage its impact on our lives. Helping a person manage their mind is absolutely something we can teach ourselves and our children, Caroline says.Helping Your Teen Manage Their MindWhat does managing your mind even mean?, Caroline asks. In the episode, she shares a simple example of how an everyday interaction can turn into a behavioral pattern and spiral into a messy situation if both a parent’s and a child’s mind isn’t properly managed.Say something happened that really threw your teen for a loop at school. They come home, throw their bag down, and get frustrated or snap at you. And as a parent, you react to their bad attitude, letting your emotions rule you in a way that can lead to immediate conflict. Let’s say that this happens on a continual basis, and your child starts to withdraw to avoid the conflict and stops communicating with you. So, you take the child to a psychiatrist, who diagnoses them and gives them medication and a label like clinical depression or ADHD.That is not mind management, Caroline says. What happened in that example is just spiraling into more and more of a mental mess. Managing this messy situation starts with the parent’s mental health. If we could put a policy in place to help the mental health crisis that we are in, Caroline says, it would be to work on helping parents to help themselves first.When a parent hasn’t managed their own mind, it impacts their child. Children, especially adolescents, Caroline explains, will look at the level of distress you feel about their distress and feel even worse about themselves. As parents, in trying to protect or connect without regulating our response, we may unintentionally make the situation more messy.In the episode, Caroline explains the five simple steps you can take to manage your mind if you find yourself facing a difficult situation with your teen. By taking these steps, you can rewire the network that your response comes from. Your neurophysiology shifts to one that you are empowered to control, Caroline says, and you can say the right thing to your child and they can learn how to respond. That is mind management.Life is not going to be perfect; you cannot insulate your teen from everything. But, Caroline says, bring the five-step process into your lifestyle and you can not only manage your mind but teach your teenager how to manage their own too.In the Episode…We have a fascinating episode today with Caroline! In addition to explaining the mind-brain-body connection and her five-step process to manage it, we also talk about:The oxygen mask principleHow to manage your reaction to distress triggersEmpowering our teens with critical thinking skillsThanks for listening! If you want to hear more from Caroline, check out her website and follow her on X as @DrCarolineLeaf. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll see you next week!

Tanith Cary, author of Feeling Blah?, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it. Full Show NotesTanith Carey, author of Feeling Blah?, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it. Does your teenager get into moods where everything just feels “blah”? Where school, practice and hobbies no longer generate the kind of enthusiasm they used to, and it seems like all the joy has been sucked out of life?It might feel like your teen is struggling with a deep, existential crisis, but it could be related to a condition known as anhedonia. Anhedonia can affect us all but it is becoming increasingly prevalent among teenagers.Learning to recognize the signs and knowing what to do - and, sometimes, what not to say - is key to teaching our kids to manage their own emotional systems and lead fulfilled, joyful lives.To explain the neuroscience behind why anhedonia leaves people feeling joyless and how we can help our kids recapture that joy, we’re talking to Tanith Carey, author of Feeling Blah. Tanith is an award-winning author and journalist with 13 books on psychology, mental health and adolescence that have been published and translated into 35 languages, and has written articles on mental health in adolescents and much more for media outlets all around the world. In our interview, we’re talking about understanding what anhedonia means for our kids, teaching them how happiness works in the brain, and the practical steps we can take to help our kids build and maintain their emotional wellbeing.Name It To Tame ItUnless you know the word for it, it’s more difficult to fix it, says Tanith as she explains why she wants to bring the word “anhedonia” out of research papers and into public discourse.We might be able to recognize that we are in a state of “blah” but without the ability to name this feeling and understand how it works, how can we expect to combat it? We end up feeling stuck and this is a major problem for our teens, says Tanith, as teens don’t think that feeling “blah” is something that you can do anything about. Tanith defines anhedonia as a state of loss of enjoyment and also a lack of motivation. It is well known clinically as a symptom of depression but more and more research now shows that it is a standalone condition too. You can not be depressed but still feel “blah.” Anhedonia is on the rise and teenagers aren’t as happy as they used to be, Tanith says. This has been happening in concurrent generations since the 1950s so that we may now think it is normal or acceptable to not be excited about what we are doing. The joy is being squeezed out of our young people, she says, and there are many contributing factors, including the education system and the lost concept of “spark,” which we talk about in the episode. But as parents we shouldn’t accept this state of “blah” as the status quo for our teens, she says. It’s really important that we show our teenagers how to flourish and not to languish. As a society, we have a lot of challenges to face, Tanith says, and we need motivated, flourishing young people who understand the pressure that modern life is having on their brain chemistry and know that they are not stuck.How Does Happiness Work In The Brain?Tanith and I talk about how when you ask parents, “What do you want for your child?”, by and large the most common thing they say is, “I want them to be happy.” But parents don’t really know how to make their kids happy, Tanith says, and kids don’t know how to make themselves happy, because they don’t understand the work of the reward circuit.The brain’s reward circuit comes in three parts, as Tanith explains in the episode. The first part is anticipation. Joy is the anticipation, the building up of the dopamine chemical - this is the enjoyment in the moment. Next comes the release of dopamine when fulfilling that anticipation. And finally, the third part is remembering the event, what made you happy, so that you want to do it again.Because the fact is for adolescents, Tanith says, life is stressful. They are under a lot of pressure and so their brains are overloaded with the stress hormone cortisol. She explains that there are no psychological issues which don’t have raised cortisol implicated in some way, crowding out dopamine and the three phases of the reward circuit. But the great thing is, Tanith says, that we know more about the working of the brain than at any point in history. We can see how joy is formed in the brain, so it’s time to harness that knowledge against anhedonia. We need to accept that modern life is difficult and give our kids the understanding of what is actually going on in their brains to help them to push back. Adolescence is a great time to get these ideas in place, she says.When Saying Less, Is MoreOnce we identify and understand the state of feeling “blah,” then we can begin to address it in our parenting. In the episode, Tanith shares some of the things parents can do to teach our young people the skills they need to be happy.And the first thing, Tanith says, may feel counterintuitive. We tend to intensely worry about our children and so lean into actively coaching and guiding; but to the sensitive ears of a teen, they hear it as criticism. We as parents need to spend more time encouraging our teens to notice how they feel and stop telling them how they feel, she explains.Parents need to be prepared to listen to uncomfortable emotions, to sit with their kids and just let them process. Unless teens have that interception, that noticing of what makes them feel bad, how are they going to know what is going to make them feel good?One strategy that goes hand-in-hand with encouraging your children to notice how they feel is helping them to develop a stronger emotional vocabulary. Giving kids the words to describe how they feel helps them see the nuance in the “blah” and communicate this to their parents. Tanith shares more strategies families can use to improve communication and understanding between parents and teens, including tactics she employs with her own children such as taking part in a happiness-inducing activity together, like painting pottery or going for a nature walk, and making it a criticism-free zone. Parenting teenagers is a lot about what you don’t say, Tanith explains, not what you do say. It’s about equipping your kids with the tools to work it out and having faith that they will.In the Episode…We’ve got a jam-packed episode today with our return guest Tanith! On top of the topics discussed above, we also talk about:The pressure of the “cookie cutter” education systemHelping your teen to find their “spark” and flourishSetting a good example for managing your mental healthBringing a growth mindset to happinessTh...