John Schlimm, author of What Would Gen-Z Do, clues us in onto what’s going on with Gen Z. What does the next generation do well, struggle with, and care about most? Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesIn a world where generations often struggle to understand each other, Generation Z stands out as a group extensively stereotyped and misunderstood. Known for their digital nativity and often misinterpreted through media, Gen Z's authentic voices and concerns are frequently overshadowed. This episode of Talking to Teens delves into the world of Generation Z, shedding light on how to foster deeper and more meaningful conversations between teens and adults.Our guest, John Schlimm, is a Harvard-trained educator, artist, advocate, and international award-winning author who has been instrumental in unveiling the complex nature of Gen Z. Through extensive research, trusted relationships, and innovative projects like the Gen Z Time Capsule with the Andy Warhol Museum, John has provided a platform for Gen Zers to present themselves to the world beyond stereotypes and stigmas.The Importance of ListeningThe episode opens with a vital realization: when talking about sensitive topics like mental health, are adults being triggered by Gen Z’s openness? They grew up in a time where such discussions were taboo. Understanding this dynamic can transform conversations, making them more open and honest.Breaking Stereotypes: The World of GamingGen Z’s engagement with video games is often criticized by older generations. John shares insights on how games are not merely a pastime but a way to develop crucial skills like strategic thinking, communication, and social-emotional learning. Understanding and respecting Gen Z's hobbies can bridge gaps between generations.Navigating Social Media: The Reality of "Finstas"The concept of "Finstas," or fake Instagram accounts, is often misinterpreted by adults. John clarifies that these accounts are less about secrecy and more about a space for Gen Zers to express their authentic selves without the pressure of judgment. Understanding the personal side of social media can foster better communication.Respecting Gen Z's Unique Lifestyle: Sleep Patterns and IndependenceDiscussing Gen Z's unconventional sleep patterns and their quest for independence, John proposes adapting to their lifestyle rather than enforcing outdated norms. Whether it's considering classes at unconventional hours or understanding their late-night habits, flexibility and respect are key.Embracing Vulnerability and Respectful ConversationsThe episode emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and respect in conversations with Gen Z. By sharing personal experiences and struggles, adults can connect with Gen Z on a deeper level, fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.Topics Covered in the Episode...The dynamic relationship between mental health discussions and generational triggersThe educational benefits of video gaming for Gen ZUnderstanding the role of "Finstas" in Gen Z’s social media useAdapting to Gen Z’s sleep patterns and advocating for their independenceThe power of vulnerability and respect in bridging generational dividesFor anyone seeking to understand and connect with Generation Z, this episode offers valuable insights into their world, challenges, and the beauty of meaningful conversations.Listen to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights on fostering positive relationships with the teenagers in your life.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Pam Lobley, author of Why Can’t We Just Play?, tells the story of how she got her family’s summer schedule under control and created a stronger bond with her kids by embracing the notion of “doing nothing.” Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesIn today's fast-paced world, the life of a teenager often mirrors the hustle and bustle of adulthood. With a calendar filled to the brim with school, extracurricular activities, and social commitments, the notion of "free time" seems like a relic of the past. But what if the secret to balance, happiness, and creativity for our teens lies in embracing the art of doing nothing?This week on Talking to Teens, we delve into a topic that's at once revolutionary and nostalgic: the profound impact of stepping back to a simpler time when kids had the freedom to play without agendas or supervision. Joining us is Pam Lobley, a comedic actress turned author, whose intriguing experiment and subsequent book, "Why Can't We Just Play," brings forth valuable insights for modern-day parents striving to raise well-rounded and resilient teenagers.The Lost Art of Free PlayPam shares the story of how a casual conversation and the visceral reaction of her own children to an over-scheduled life led her to conduct a summer-long experiment with her family, stepping back into the ideals of the 1950s. This was a time when kids had the license to be kids, roaming free, inventing games, and discovering the world at their pace. The experiment, though challenging in a world that equates busyness with productivity, revealed surprising benefits not only for her children but for Pam herself.Facing Modern Parenting PressuresIn our discussion, we explore the societal pressures that compel us to keep our teens always "on the go." Pam elucidates how this relentless scheduling might stem from a place of love and fear of them falling behind, yet it strips away crucial developmental opportunities. Learning to embrace periods of unstructured time can be transformative for teenagers, providing them with space to cultivate imagination, independence, and problem-solving skills.Letting Go of ControlOne of the most poignant aspects of Pam's narrative is the realization of how relinquishing control can foster a sense of responsibility and autonomy in teenagers. By allowing her children the freedom to choose their activities and manage their boredom, Pam witnessed an evolution in how they approached their free time and tackled the inevitable challenges of growing up.Navigating Judgement and Social NormsPam and I also discuss the inevitable scrutiny that comes with choosing a less conventional parenting path. She shares her strategies for maintaining conviction in her choices despite societal expectations and the judgment of peers. This segment is particularly enlightening for parents who may feel isolated in their desire to defy the "over-scheduled" status quo.In the Episode…Our conversation with Pam Lobley is brimming with anecdotes, reflections, and advice that urge parents to reconsider the merit of downtime in their teenager's lives. If you're curious about the impact of "doing nothing" and the potential it holds for nurturing happier, more imaginative teenagers, this episode is for you.Also, don't miss discussions on:The challenge of finding balance in a digitally saturated age.Practical tips for instituting "free play" time in your family.How to communicate the value of unstructured time to teenagers.Long-term benefits of embracing a slower-paced childhood.Give this thought-provoking episode a listen and discover the unexpected joys of allowing teens to sometimes do absolutely nothing. Subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into the art and science of parenting teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Jonah Berger, author of Magic Words, teaches us techniques for what to say to get our way. An expert on influencing techniques, Dr Berger clues us in on the six types of language and which to use to get through to stubborn teens.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesRaising teens is no small feat, especially when it comes to communication. How often do parents find themselves at a loss for words, trying to guide, persuade, or connect with their ever-changing teenagers? Yet, what if the solution to improving these conversations was hidden in the very words we select? Today, we're exploring the potent impact of language on influencing and understanding your teenager.In this enlightening episode, we're joined by Dr. Jonah Berger, a renowned expert in language and social influence. Jonah's research and his latest book, "Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way," shed light on how subtle changes in the words we choose can dramatically shift the outcomes of our interactions. His insights are particularly compelling for parents navigating the complex dynamics of teenage communication.The Science of "Speak": Understanding Teenage BrainsTeenagers are complex. Their brains are rapidly developing, leading to unique patterns of thinking and communication. Jonah's framework, the “Speak” model, identifies key strategies grounded in this developmental understanding, helping parents harness the power of language effectively.One powerful takeaway from our conversation is the transformation of actions into identities. Learn how framing requests or expectations in terms of identity ("be a helper" instead of "help") can motivate teens more effectively and shape their self-perception positively."Could" Versus "Should": Empowering Teen Decision-MakingThe dilemma of "could" versus "should" in language illustrates how empowering teens to consider a range of possibilities, rather than imposing singular shoulds, can lead to more creative and autonomous decision-making. This approach fosters critical thinking and encourages resilience in facing challenges.Jonah delves into the intriguing effects of verb tense and perspective on motivation and confidence, revealing that how we talk about the past, present, and future can inspire action and reduce anxiety in teenagers, paving the way for greater self-assurance and achievement.Navigating Accusations and Responsibility with CareThe discussion also highlights the need for caution in using words like "you," which can inadvertently place blame or create resistance. Understanding this nuance is crucial for maintaining open lines of communication and avoiding unnecessary conflict.Finally, Jonah discusses the balance between expressing certainty to convey confidence and showing uncertainty to foster connection and empathy. Parents can learn when and how to use each approach to strengthen their relationships with their teens.In the Episode…Don't miss these additional insights covered in our conversation with Jonah:   - Strategies for using language to build teen self-esteem   - The role of language in conflict resolution with teens   - How parents can model effective communication for their teens   - Tips for making routine conversations with teenagers more impactfulThis episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone looking to improve their communication with teenagers. Jonah Berger's research offers a new lens through which to view our everyday exchanges, making this a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone who interacts with teens regularly.Don't forget to share this episode and subscribe to "Talking to Teens." Join us next week for more insights on navigating the challenges and joys of raising teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Dr. Brock and Dr. Fernette Eide, authors of The Dyslexic Advantage, delve into the intricacies of the dyslexic brain. We cover the incredible, though often hidden, strengths of a dyslexic brain, and advocating for better learning environments for all learners.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting a teenager who's facing learning challenges can sometimes feel like navigating an uncharted map—especially if your teen has been diagnosed with dyslexia. Traditional educational environments often spotlight the hurdles dyslexic students face, such as reading difficulties and slow processing speed. But what if we've been looking at dyslexia all wrong? What if, buried beneath the challenges, there lie incredible strengths and untapped potential?This week on "Talking to Teens," we delve into a transformative conversation with Brock and Fernette Eide, leading experts in the field of dyslexia and authors of the international bestseller "The Dyslexic Advantage." Both doctors and co-founders of the nonprofit Dyslexic Advantage and the social purpose corporation Neuro Learning, Brock and Fernette bring a wealth of knowledge, research, and personal experience to our discussion. After encountering learning challenges within their own family, they embarked on a mission to understand dyslexia not just as a disability, but as a unique advantage in disguise.Dyslexia: A Paradigm ShiftWe kick things off by challenging the traditional narrative surrounding dyslexia. Far from a simple hindrance, Brock and Fernette illustrate how the dyslexic brain is wired differently, leading to unique strengths that manifest in creativity, three-dimensional thinking, and problem-solving. By understanding these strengths, we can begin to see dyslexia not as a deficit, but as a different kind of cognitive specialization.Recognizing Hidden TalentsOne of the key messages from our guests is the importance of recognizing and nurturing the creative potential in dyslexic teenagers. Too often, their talents can be overshadowed by academic struggles. Brock and Fernette share inspiring stories and research that emphasize the need for parents and educators to support dyslexic teens in discovering their passions and strengths, which may not always align with traditional school subjects.Creating Supportive EnvironmentsA central theme of our conversation is the critical role of supportive environments—both at home and in school—in unlocking the potential of teens with dyslexia. Brock and Fernette provide practical advice on advocating for accommodations and identifying schools or programs that appreciate the diverse talents within the dyslexic community. They highlight how understanding and empathy can make a profound difference in a teen's educational journey and self-esteem.The Future is BrightAs we wrap up, our guests leave us with an empowering message: with the right approach and mindset, dyslexia can be a powerful asset. They remind us that many successful innovators, artists, and leaders have harnessed their dyslexic strengths to change the world. By embracing dyslexia's advantages, we can inspire our teens to do the same.In this episode, we also explore:- The neuroscience behind dyslexia's unique cognitive profile- How dyslexia affects working memory and why it may contribute to creativity- The importance of experiential learning for dyslexic individuals- Strategies for managing academic challenges while fostering self-confidenceIf you're looking to understand and support a dyslexic teenager in your life, this episode offers a refreshing perspective and actionable insights. Join us as Brock and Fernette Eide shine a light on "The Dyslexic Advantage" and how to nurture the incredible potential found within dyslexic minds.Remember to subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more invaluable insights into the world of parenting teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Berna Anat, author of Money Out Loud, helps us unpacks the tangle of personal finance and psychology to better understand our financial habits. It’s never too late to change money habits for the better and pass on healthy financial behaviors to our teens!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's complex financial landscape is no easy feat. With an abundance of conflicting advice and the unique challenges presented by the digital age, parents often find themselves unsure about how to approach money matters with their kids. This episode challenges the traditional wisdom around financial literacy and offers parents fresh, actionable strategies for discussing money with their teens.This week, we're joined by Berna Anat, a financial literacy expert and the vibrant voice behind Money Out Loud. As the daughter of Philippine immigrants, Berna's own journey from silence to education about personal finance forms the bedrock of her approach to financial education. With a philosophy that stresses understanding your money story before attempting to rewrite it, Berna's insights are not just practical—they're transformative.Understanding Your Money StoryIt often begins with us—the parents. Berna encourages us to delve into our own experiences with money, acknowledging that our earliest influences shape our financial behaviors today. By confronting and understanding these narratives, we can model financial mindfulness and resilience for our teens, setting the stage for honest and productive discussions about money.Budgeting Myths BustedOne-size-fits-all budgeting advice doesn't cut it anymore. Berna debunks the popular 50/30/20 budgeting rule and advocates for a more flexible, personalized approach to managing finances. She emphasizes experimentation and adjustment as the keys to finding a budgeting system that resonates with your family's unique needs and goals.Strategic Credit UseBerna unveils a lesser-known strategy for giving teens a jumpstart on building a healthy credit score, stressing the importance of evolving beyond scare tactics to a more nuanced understanding of credit. The episode breaks down how to introduce your teen to credit cards and loans in a way that empowers rather than intimidates.Fostering Financial Empathy and ActivismUltimately, our financial decisions ripple outwards, influencing not just our immediate family but the broader community and world. Berna discusses how to instill a sense of financial empathy and activism in teens, encouraging them to think critically about where their money goes and what it supports.Key Takeaways:- Insights into unpacking your personal money story and its impact on your parenting.- Practical advice for moving beyond traditional budgeting norms to find what works for you and your teen.- Strategies for introducing teens to credit in a responsible and empowering way.- Ideas for nurturing financial empathy and activism in teens, encouraging them to make thoughtful, ethical financial choices.Whether you're struggling to find the right way to talk about money with your teen or looking for ways to enhance their financial literacy, this episode offers valuable perspectives and actionable tips. Join us as Berna Anat shares her revolutionary approach to making financial education accessible, engaging, and effective for today's families.Don't miss this episode—tune in and subscribe to Talking to Teens to stay updated on our latest episodes aimed at helping parents navigate the complexities of raising teenagers in today's world.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Leon Logothetis, author of Go Be Brave, speaks about how bravery comes up in all aspects of life. We discuss the interplay of vulnerability, anger, and making peace when raising assured teens.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers is a complex journey filled with highs, lows, and the many moments in between. In today's fast-paced world, where authenticity often takes a backseat to social media facades, how can we encourage our teens to uncover and speak their truth? More importantly, as parents and guardians, how can we provide a safe space that nurtures their bravery and authentic selves?In this enlightening episode of "Talking to Teens," we delve into these pressing questions and more with the inspirational Leon Logothetis, a global adventurer, motivational speaker, philanthropist, and the author behind the empowering book, "Go Be Brave: 24 and Three Quarters Adventures for a Fearless, Wiser, and Truly Magnificent Life." Leon's journey from a London broker to a world explorer relying on the kindness of strangers is a testament to the power of embracing one’s true self and the courage it takes to step into the unknown.Leon shares insights on why teenagers, more than any other age group, may find it particularly challenging to be authentic and the hurdles they face in voicing their needs and emotions. He stresses the importance of creating a safe environment for teens to express themselves, even when it involves anger or frustration, and provides practical advice on how to facilitate these crucial conversations at home.Embracing Vulnerability and AuthenticityLeon emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in both teens and their parents. By sharing our own journeys, including the struggles, we can demonstrate to our teens that it's alright not to have everything figured out and that authenticity is more valuable than perfection.The Safe Expression of AngerLearn why Leon believes that expressing anger is not only inevitable but necessary for emotional development, and discover techniques to ensure these expressions are safe and constructive. This part of the conversation is especially enlightening for parents navigating the tumultuous teenage years.Adventures in BraveryLeon introduces the concept of "adventures in bravery" — practical, actionable steps teens (and adults) can take to challenge their comfort zones and grow in confidence. These adventures serve as a blueprint for embracing life's uncertainties with a brave heart.Encouraging Open CommunicationOne of the episode's highlights is the discussion on fostering an environment of open communication. Leon shares strategies for parents to listen actively and respond empathetically, ensuring teens feel heard, validated, and, most importantly, understood.In this episode, we also cover:- The psychology behind why teens find it hard to express themselves.- Tips for parents on modeling vulnerability.- The importance of owning our mistakes and learning from them.- How to support your teen in choosing their path while encouraging bravery and authenticity.Leon's story and insights offer a refreshing perspective on parenting teens in today's complex world. His emphasis on truth, bravery, and kindness as foundations for a fulfilling life resonates throughout our conversation, providing listeners with invaluable guidance on nurturing these values in their teenagers.Join us as Leon Logothetis inspires us to create deeper connections with our teens through understanding, courage, and, most importantly, love. Don't miss out on this transformative episode that may just change the way you think about parenting in the modern age.Listen to the episode and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more invaluable insights on nurturing resilience, bravery, and authenticity in our teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Rachel Rider, author of Who You Are Is How You Lead, talks about getting in touch with how we want to show up for others. We discuss the power of self-regulation and somatic experiencing to help parents break free of ingrained patterns of interacting with their teens.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers often feels like navigating through a maze without a map. Whether it's constant reminders left unheeded, feelings of being underappreciated, or simply a disconnect in communication, many parents find themselves trapped in a cycle of unproductive patterns with their teenagers. But what if the secret to breaking these cycles begins with looking inward?In today's episode of Talking to Teens, we are exploring the power of self-awareness and transformation in parenting. Our habits, responses, and interactions with our teenagers often stem from deeper, unacknowledged patterns within us. But how do we begin to recognize these patterns, and more importantly, how can we change them?We're joined by Rachel Rider, an executive coach and the creator of the MetaWorks Method, a transformative process that promotes radical ease, spaciousness, and meaningful change in leadership and relationships. Rachel, also the author of "Who You Are Is How You Lead," brings her extensive insight into how parents can apply her methodology to foster a deeper connection with their teenagers.Understanding Your Internal DriversThe journey to transformative parenting begins with understanding your internal drivers—your deepest motivations for why you parent the way you do. Rachel shares how identifying these drivers can illuminate the patterns that govern our interactions with our teens. By aligning our parenting approach with our core desires and values, we can begin to interact with our teenagers in more meaningful and fulfilling ways.Recognizing and Disrupting PatternsPatterns in parenting aren't just about what we do; they're deeply tied to how we feel and react in certain situations. Rachel discusses how becoming aware of our physical responses and the thoughts that arise in challenging moments can reveal the patterns we need to address. Disrupting these patterns isn't about immediate change but about creating space to explore what drives our reactions and how we can approach situations differently.Fostering Connection through TransformationThe final piece of transforming our parenting approach involves nurturing new habits grounded in awareness and self-regulation. Rachel provides practical advice for parents on how to introduce change in their interactions with their teenagers, emphasizing the importance of patience, self-compassion, and ongoing reflection in the process.In The Episode...Our conversation with Rachel is packed with insights and actionable advice. Some additional topics we cover include:- The role of self-regulation in effective parenting- How internal conflicts can influence our reactions to our teenagers- Practical steps for identifying and changing unhelpful parenting patterns- The importance of aligning your parenting approach with your internal drivers- Tips for fostering a deep and meaningful connection with your teenagerRachel's approach to transforming parenting dynamics offers a fresh perspective on the challenges many parents face. By focusing on internal drivers and patterns, we can create a more fulfilling and connected family environment.Don't miss this enlightening discussion on how self-awareness and transformation can revolutionize the way you parent. Remember, the journey to better parenting begins with you. Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into navigating the complex world of parenting teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Nick Gray, author of The Two Hour Cocktail Party, shares his journey from a shy person with social anxiety to building a robust social network. We discuss how to turn your house into a gathering place for your teen and their friends. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers often means your life becomes a rush of school runs, sports practices, and music recitals, leaving little room for your own social life. It's a challenge faced by many parents, where balancing personal and parental duties often leans heavily towards the latter. But what if you could reclaim your social life without sacrificing your parental responsibilities? What if there was a way to model positive social behaviors for your teens while enriching your network of friendships?This week, we dive into the art of maintaining and even flourishing your social life as you navigate the journey of parenting teenagers. Our compass for this expedition? None other than Nick Gray, a renowned author and the mind behind the transformative concept detailed in his book, "The Two-Hour Cocktail Party."Nick has sculpted a niche in social generosity and connectivity, transforming his insights into actionable steps for adults seeking to build meaningful relationships amidst their busy lives. His expertise isn't just about throwing parties; it's about weaving the fabric of a community, one gathering at a time. Nick's principles extend beyond mere recreational gatherings, offering a beacon for parents to exemplify balanced life lessons to their teens.Forging Connections Through HostingNick's approach demystifies the daunting task of hosting, breaking it down into manageable, step-by-step actions. By fostering environments where new connections thrive, parents can showcase the power of community and the importance of nurturing relationships. Nick reveals the secret sauce to his hosting formula, emphasizing the blend of structure and spontaneity that makes gatherings memorable and impactful.The Power of the Two-Hour PartyWhy two hours, and why on a weekday? Nick delves into the psychology behind the timing, explaining how constraint fosters both anticipation and participation. This format not only respects the busy schedules of attendees but also emphasizes quality interactions over quantity. It’s a lesson in respecting boundaries and making the most of the time we share with others—valuable lessons for teenagers watching their parents lead by example.Modeling Social Skills for TeenagersOne of the silent benefits of embracing Nick’s hosting philosophy is the indirect mentoring parents provide to their teenagers. As teens observe their parents navigate social planning, inclusive conversations, and the art of welcoming diverse groups of people into their homes, they absorb critical life skills. From icebreakers to closing conversations, these gatherings become live demonstrations of emotional intelligence in action.Topics Covered in the Episode:- Why parents should prioritize their social lives alongside their parenting duties- The unexpected advantages of hosting weekday gatherings- Using icebreakers to create a welcoming atmosphere and stimulate engaging conversations- Tips for creating an inclusive environment that encourages new connections- How parents hosting parties can serve as role models for their teens, teaching them valuable social skillsNick's insights are a reminder of the joy and fulfillment that come from nurturing our social lives, even in the midst of parenting. Discover more about Nick and his work at https://nickgray.net/ Don't miss this invigorating discussion on how to balance being a great parent with being a great friend and community member. Tune in, gather some tips for your next two-hour cocktail party, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening conversations.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, busts myths on perfectionism. Many people wear perfectionism as a badge of honor, but in reality it is a maladaptive behavior that can make parenting more difficult than it already is!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Today's show contains a discussion on suicide. If you or a loved one is in crisis, please call the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800)-273-TALK or (800) 273-8255. You can also text them via Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741). All services are free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's success-oriented society often pushes both parents and teens towards a relentless pursuit of perfection. Whether it's academic achievements, extracurricular activities, or social standing, the pressure to excel and maintain a 'perfect' image is ever-present. But what if the chase for perfection is doing more harm than good? And how do we differentiate between healthy ambition and harmful perfectionism?This week on Talking to Teens, we're delving into the world of perfectionism, balance, and the pressures faced by teenagers today. We are joined by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a seasoned therapist, speaker, and the insightful author of "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power". Katherine brings to the table a wealth of experience from her time as an on-site therapist at Google, and a deep understanding of the patterns of perfectionism observed in both the digital and real world.The Nuances of PerfectionismKatherine helps us unravel the often misunderstood concept of perfectionism. Far from being solely detrimental, perfectionism, according to Schafler, can be divided into adaptive and maladaptive categories. We explore how to recognize the signs of each and the two critical questions to constantly ask ourselves and our teens: "How are you striving?" and "Why are you striving?"Redefining BalanceOur conversation also tackles the modern notion of 'balance' and how it has morphed into an unrealistic expectation of excelling simultaneously in all areas of life. Katherine proposes a refreshing perspective on achieving balance - hint: it involves doing less, not more.The Power of Language in Suicide PreventionOne of the most poignant parts of our discussion centers around the sensitive subject of suicide - a leading cause of death among teenagers. Katherine highlights the importance of direct and open communication, and shares the "life-saving question" parents should not shy away from asking.Embracing Wholeness and CompassionLastly, we dive into the concept of 'perfection' from its etymological roots, asserting that being 'perfect' is about embracing our complete selves, flaws included. We also tackle the challenge of fostering self-compassion in teenagers, an essential tool for navigating the ups and downs of adolescence with resilience.In this Episode...- Distinguishing between adaptive and maladaptive forms of perfectionism- Understanding the real meaning of balance and how to achieve it- The importance of direct communication in suicide prevention among teens- Encouraging self-compassion and the acceptance of one's whole self in teenagers- Practical tips for parents to assist their teens in healthy striving and self-acceptanceIf you're navigating the complex journey of raising a teenager, seeking to understand the delicate balance between encouraging ambition and fostering well-being, this episode is for you. We delve deep into how to guide our teenagers towards a healthier, more compassionate approach to their personal and academic ambitions.Listen to the episode to gain valuable insights into nurturing a balanced, perfectionism-aware household and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more guidance on the art and science of parenting teenagers.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Drama Free, chats with us about how to break free from family drama and unhealthy relationship dynamics. We discuss practical tools for a variety of topics such as codependency, control battles, favoritism, and more!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesSlammed doors, shouting, and angry tears—sometimes, it feels like every situation with our teens explodes into a dramatic outburst. This week I sat down with expert Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. No one’s family is perfect, but there are tools for managing the imperfections in our families—and Nedra is here to help us! We cover how to start disengaging from family drama, and Nedra offers insights on how parents can create healthier relationships with their teenagers and between their teen and their teen’s siblings. One of the main topics we discuss is the impact of a parent's own upbringing on their relationships. Many of the wounds we carry from childhood can resurface in our relationships as adults, and it's essential to understand how these patterns can impact our parenting style. Tawwab notes that by reflecting on our own experiences and emotions, we can develop a more self-aware and empathetic approach to parenting. As parents, once we’re aware of our own mental and emotional programming, we can make a conscious effort to break old patterns. From codependency to favoritism to control battles, there’s a lot to cover this episode, so buckle up!Codependency Nedra and I talked about an issue that often flies under the radar because it’s not always so easily identifiable: codependency. Codependency is a term that has been around since the 1980s, but its meaning has evolved over time. Tawwab explains that codependency can manifest in many forms of dysfunctional patterns within a person, including emotional neglect or over-involvement in a sibling's life. As parents, it's vital to recognize when we are being codependent in our relationships. Nedra explained to me that when our children are young, it’s easy to fall into codependency patterns—they need us, of course we put off our needs. And, when kids are young, it’s rewarding to help fulfill their needs. But when our kids become teenagers, if we still tend to choose their needs over our own, it becomes more obvious that we’re codependent because parents reap different “rewards.” Instead of coos and smiles and hugs, we might receive mumbled “thanks” or “cool,” before our teen grabs the special lunch we made them and heads out the door. If there is a codependency pattern, teens may learn their parents will take care of everything for them—from laundry to homework to college admission applications, and maybe, teens might assume, paying their phone, rent, and utilities bill through and after college! Nedra suggests parents should also be on the lookout for codependency between siblings. It can be easy for an older sibling to take care of their younger sibling—sometimes it’s just faster if the older sibling does the chore or ties their siblings shoes. If parents notice this, they should intervene. They can ask their teen why they feel they need to help their younger sibling so much, and bring up codependency with their teen if it feels relevant. To prevent codependency in relationships with our teens, we can create boundaries that allow our teenagers to learn and grow through their experiences. We might also have to create boundaries so siblings do not become codependent as well. At first it might be uncomfortable and our teens will struggle. But they will be able to adapt. Parents may have to watch their teen stumble and fail sometimes, but it is important for a parent’s own well-being to stop codependent patterns from becoming permanent. To break free from codependency, Tawwab suggests coaching teens rather than doing things for them, and letting them make their own mistakes to learn and grow.FavoritismNedra and I also discussed the somewhat taboo subject of favoritism, and its effects on family dynamics. Favoritism can manifest in various ways, from subtle differences in attention and to overt displays of partiality, such as giving one child more privileges or resources than others. It can be unintentional or deliberate, but its impact on siblings can be profound. When one child feels favored over another, it can lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, and low self-esteem in the less-favored child, while the favored child may develop a sense of grandiosity and a lack of empathy towards siblings and peers.It’s not shameful to have “favorites”—every child is different and some parents will find it easier to bond with one of their kids than the other. And certainly, as our kids grow and change, dynamics will shift. Maybe we spend more time with our older child lately because the younger sibling is so involved in her travel basketball. However, these dynamics, if not brought up by parents with their kids, can come across as favoring one sibling over another. Tawwab suggests that parents need to be mindful of how they treat each child and ensure that our teens feel they are being treated equally. Avoid making comparisons between siblings and focus on their individual strengths and their contributions to the family dynamic. By acknowledging and addressing favoritism, parents can mitigate harm from it and promote healthy sibling relationships, rather than competition between siblings. To promote equality among siblings, parents can set aside time to be one-on-one with each kid, either sharing a meal, a hobby, participating in an activity, or just being together. In the Episode…In the episode, Nedra and I also touched on several other important topics, including:tips for sticking to our boundaries, even if it's uncomfortable or inconvenienthow to handle battles for controlestablish healthy boundaries around screen time and techhelping teens manage their emotions through validating the emotionthe benefits of therapy and coaching for parents and teenagers alikeOverall, the episode provides a wealth of valuable insights and advice for parents raising teenagers. By applying these principles in their own lives, parents can create a more harmonious and drama-free family environment that supports their teenagers' growth and development. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.