Ep 257: From Grieving to Resilient Parent

Jarie Bolander, author of Ride or Die, shares his experience of parenting through grief and the stigma that comes with it as a man. His journey through grief toward resilience is a testament to the power of vulnerability with our teens and others.

Full Show Notes

Parenting teenagers can often feel like an underappreciated marathon. You pour your heart and soul into managing their lives - from keeping a roof over their heads to navigating their emotional storms - only to be met with what seems like a bottomless pit of demands and indifference. But, is this struggle unique to parenting, or is it a universal sentiment felt by caregivers at large?

Jarie Bolander found himself plunged into an intense caregiving role when his wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia. As he juggled his business, hers, and her complete medical and emotional care, he encountered a profound sense of being unappreciated. Surprisingly, his journey mirrors many elements of parenting teenagers.

Jarie is an author and entrepreneur, brings a unique perspective to the table. With a background in writing business books and a personal journey through tragic loss, Jarie’s recent memoir, *Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir*, offers deep insights into the emotional landscape of care, love, and appreciation.

Insights on Gratitude and Control

Jarie's experience with his wife's illness brought to light how feelings of ungratefulness often stem from a lack of control. This insight resonates with the teen-parent dynamic, where teenagers' striving for independence clashes with parental control, often manifesting as a seeming lack of gratitude.

Standards of Behavior and Aspirations

Drawing parallels between caregiving and stepping into a parenting role for a teenager, Jarie emphasizes setting standards of behavior and providing role models for aspiration. He advocates for open dialogues and rational decision-making that respects the teenager's burgeoning sense of autonomy.

The Lessons of Love and Loss

Jarie's narrative isn't just about the hard times. It's a lesson in gratitude, resilience, and the human capacity for love. His journey through caregiving, loss, and stepping into a stepparent role sheds light on the universal challenges of caring for another and the profound growth it can stimulate.

Topics Covered:

- The parallels between caregiving for a terminally ill spouse and parenting teenagers
- How feelings of ungratefulness can arise from a perceived lack of control
- The importance of setting expectations and standards of behavior for teenagers
- Balancing guidance with allowing autonomy
- The transformative power of facing tragedy and finding love and happiness again

Listen to the Episode:

Jarie's story is both heart-wrenching and inspirational, offering profound insights for any parent feeling underappreciated or struggling to connect with their teenager. His experiences remind us of the importance of understanding, patience, and open communication.

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