Paul Sunseri, a clinical psychologist and author of "Gentle Parenting Reimagined," shares his expert advice on improving communications with teenagers. He discusses how to identify red herrings that can derail important conversations and emphasizes the need for a calm, respectful interaction model. Sunseri highlights gentle parenting strategies that balance empathy and discipline, urging parents to shift from commands to requests, fostering autonomy while decreasing conflicts. With over 40 years of experience, he offers tools to empower both parents and teens.

Melanie Shankle, author of Here Be Dragons, joins us to share insights from her complex mother-daughter relationship and discuss how parents can break generational cycles, empower their teens, and handle high school drama with grace.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers often means we find ourselves navigating uncharted waters, especially when attempting to break away from the generational cycles of how we were raised. As parents, we aim to avoid the pitfalls our parents may have encountered, ensuring that we foster healthy relationships and nurture authentic communication with our children. But with social media, school pressures, and developmental changes, there are always dragons to slay along the way.This week, we're delving into the struggles and joys of raising teens with Melanie Shankle, author of seven books, including her newest release, Here Be Dragons. Melanie opens up about her history with her own mother and how it influenced her journey of motherhood. Her personal experiences and stories have shaped her perspective and allowed her to break the cycle, raising her daughter with intention and resilience.In the conversation, Melanie and I touch on the complex realities of teenage friendships and the competitive pressures that come with them. Melanie reflects on how witnessing mean girl dynamics in her daughter's high school experience inspired her book and highlighted the importance of being a supportive parent without helicoptering. We explore how these teenage social challenges can sometimes echo the emotional turmoil experienced in their parents' childhoods.The Perils of High School FriendshipsTeenage friendships can be fraught with challenges, especially in a social media-saturated world. While everyone feels they need to be part of the group, Melanie notes how social media adds an unprecedented layer of complexity, allowing for relentless bullying that follows teens beyond the schoolyard. Her daughter Caroline's real-life challenges with peer drama serve as a poignant reminder of the importance of teaching resilience and self-care.Melanie's approach involved empowering her daughter to tackle her social challenges with dignity, encouraging Caroline to take decisive actions, whether by confronting her peers or turning to school authorities when necessary. This empowerment not only helped Caroline stand up for herself but also forged life-long skills she continues to use.Fathers as Role ModelsMelanie elaborates on the critical role her father played in shaping her self-worth and stability, despite having a turbulent relationship with her mother. The dynamics with her father shed light on the significant impact fathers have as role models in their daughters' lives. Melanie underscores the perseverance her father showed, being a constant presence despite difficulties, a lesson she passes along to parents on how resilience and love can transcend challenging circumstances.Understanding the complex emotions between parents and children can help foster better relationships, providing teens with a stable and loving foundation even amidst family disruptions.Navigating Generational HealingDrawing from her experiences growing up with a narcissistic mother, Melanie reflects on the crucial steps of breaking generational cycles. From learning to express her own needs in adulthood to creating a household where her child's voice is heard and valued, Melanie's story is Testament to overcoming the shadows of the past.Parents will resonate with Melanie’s anecdotes of finding her own voice and her conscious efforts to parent with empathy and openness. Creating an emotionally healthy environment in which parents can communicate openly with their teens lays the groundwork for trust, ensuring a better life for generations to come.In the Episode…Melanie shares more invaluable wisdom throughout the conversation. On top of the discussed themes, we also talk about:How to equip teens for life's hardshipsAddressing teenage drinking attitudesResponding to difficult parental relationshipsTransforming personal struggles into life lessonsCheck out Melanie's latest book Here Be Dragons, and follow her on Instagram @MelanieShankle for more updates. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and share with others who might benefit from these powerful stories and lessons.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Blaise Aguirre, author of I Hate Myself, joins us to discuss the pervasive issue of self-hatred among teenagers, explore the role of comparison and perfectionism in self-criticism, and highlight the benefits of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesFor many parents, watching their teen grapple with self-critical thoughts can be heartbreaking. It's a common refrain to hear kids say, "I'm so stupid," or "I can never do anything right." When these thoughts persist, they can become ingrained, leading to deep-seated self-hatred. Addressing these feelings early can prevent them from becoming a dominant force in a teenager's life. But how can parents help their teens escape this negative mindset and view themselves with compassion and understanding?Understanding and dismantling self-loathing in teens is critical. Today's guest, Dr. Blaise Aguirre, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of the new book, I Hate Myself, provides invaluable insight into this pervasive issue. Dr. Aguirre is renowned for his work at McLean Hospital, where he has developed programs for teens with self-destructive behaviors and suicidal tendencies, utilizing Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to help manage these complex emotions.In the episode, Dr. Aguirre explains that self-hatred is often a deeply internalized perception of oneself, not merely occasional self-criticism. This profound dislike integrates into a teen's core identity, creating a permanent, immutable sense of worthlessness that shadows them constantly. He discusses how identifying self-hatred requires more than just taking a teen's words at face value, particularly when they respond with "I'm fine." Instead, parents and caregivers must look for deeper signs: perfectionism, people-pleasing behavior, and excessive self-criticism.The Role of DBT in Combating Self-HateDr. Aguirre introduces us to the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a method combining Zen mindfulness and behavioral therapy. DBT aims to help teens manage emotions, develop coping skills, and foster a sense of self-worth. This therapeutic approach has been incredibly effective in reducing suicidal behavior, by first accepting where a teen is emotionally and then helping them build skills to navigate through these challenging feelings.In particular, Dr. Aguirre highlights how DBT can dismantle the illusion that self-hatred is a permanent trait. Through mindfulness and practice, teens can learn to see themselves not as inherently flawed, but as individuals capable of change and value. This transformation is pivotal in helping them move past beliefs tied to early childhood experiences that fostered their negative perceptions.The Danger of ComparisonsWhile guiding teens towards self-acceptance, avoiding comparisons is crucial. Dr. Aguirre emphasizes how societal and familial pressures can exacerbate self-hatred, especially when teens are pushed to measure themselves against siblings or peers. Instead of uplifting, these comparisons can anchor teens to unrealistic standards of perfection that intensify their dissatisfaction and critical self-view.Dr. Aguirre suggests that parents reframe comparisons. Allowing teens to measure their growth against themselves—focusing on becoming more self-compassionate and less reliant on external validation—can break the cycle of detrimental comparisons and encourage personal development.In the Episode…In our conversation with Blaise Aguirre, we dissect the nuances of self-hatred among teens and explore various ways to combat it. Tune in to gain insights on:How perfectionism relates to self-hatredThe importance of listening and validation in communicationDeveloping a new framework for self-compassionPractical steps for creating a supportive home environmentFor parents and caregivers, learning about and addressing self-hate in teens is essential for fostering healthier developmental outcomes. If you enjoyed this episode, consider exploring more from Dr. Blaise Aguirre and understanding how his work at McLean Hospital continues to impact young lives. Listen and subscribe to stay informed and empowered in supporting your teen.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Lisa A. Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak, joins us to discuss the complexities of teenage love, including the effects on parents, navigating breakups, and the significance of early romantic experiences.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesAdolescence is a time of self-discovery, and first forays into love play a crucial role in shaping future relationships. Yet, teenage love can be dismissed as fleeting and inconsequential by adults who overlook its developmental importance. While crushes and early heartbreaks may seem minor, they prepare teens for the complex emotional landscapes they will navigate as adults. Understanding and supporting teens in their romantic ventures is essential, not only for their growth but also to foster open dialogue between parents and their children.This episode features Lisa A. Phillips, writer and professor, who explores these themes in her book, First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. Lisa's perspective arises from her experience as a mother navigating her daughter's early romantic relationships and her professional background in mental health and relationship writing. Her insights offer valuable guidance for parents striving to connect with their teens during these formative years.In our conversation, Lisa shares how parents' emotions can unexpectedly be stirred by their teens' romantic experiences. Research by psychologist Lawrence Steinberg suggests that parents might revisit unresolved feelings from their own youth, which can impact the way they perceive their teen's experiences. This emotional upheaval underscores the importance of parents addressing their own past to better support their teen's present.The Role of CrushesAn early discussion focuses on the significance of crushes as developmental milestones. These seemingly one-sided infatuations can provide a safe space for teenagers to explore complex emotions. Lisa explains how parents can use this phase as an opportunity to discuss feelings and expectations, helping teens differentiate between fantasy and reality in relationships. By engaging in these discussions, parents can help teens develop a nuanced understanding of mutuality and respect in their romantic lives.Communicating About LoveDespite the challenges, Lisa emphasizes the importance of proactively engaging in conversations about love and relationships with teenagers. Studies have shown that a significant number of young adults wish they had received more guidance from their parents about the emotional aspects of dating. Lisa encourages parents to talk with their teens about their romantic feelings, even when teens seem indifferent to these discussions. These conversations can instill a sense of value in relationships and showcase the importance of thoughtful reflection.Tackling SituationshipsLisa introduces the concept of "situationships"—relationships that are ambiguous and undefined—to highlight a common experience among modern teens. She provides guidance on how parents can help teens navigate these complex scenarios by encouraging them to consider their feelings before, during, and after interactions. This process can lead to greater self-awareness and empower teens to make choices better aligned with their well-being.In the Episode...Throughout the episode, Lisa and I cover an array of topics related to teen love, including:How transitions in relationships can add layers of complexityThe importance of developing a “thick narrative” post-breakupHow social connectedness and same-sex friendships impact long-term relationship successThe notion of "information" as a tool to help teens assess their relationshipsExplore these insights and more by tuning into the episode. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and stay tuned for future episodes of Talking to Teens. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

In this discussion, Jenny Anderson, an award-winning journalist and co-author of The Disengaged Teen, teams up with Rebecca Winthrop, a senior fellow at Brookings and adjunct professor at Georgetown. They tackle the alarming reality of teenage disengagement in education. From the 'Passenger' mode to the vibrant 'Explorer' mode, they reveal how understanding these engagement levels can transform learning experiences. They also emphasize the need for supportive communication, addressing perfectionism in 'Achiever mode,' and the benefits of letting teens experience boredom for brain development.

Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of Don't Say Um, joins us to share speaking tips for parents and teens, focusing on effective communication techniques and how delivery can enhance dialogue.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesCrafting the right message for teens is only half the battle when it comes to effective communication. Striking a balance between content and delivery can significantly impact how teens absorb what we’re trying to say. As parents, we often stress over the precise words to use, focused on the content, and inadvertently overlook the power of speech delivery. How we speak, not just what we say, can be critical in ensuring our message resonates and leaves a lasting imprint on our teenagers.For many parents, navigating the conversational minefields of adolescence can be daunting. The fear of being tuned out or misinterpreted adds to the pressure of an already rigorous parenting task. While teenagers are known to push boundaries, leaving us to harp on the things they shouldn’t be doing, there’s a compelling case for focusing less on prohibitions and more on fostering positive dialogue. In today’s fast-paced world, ripe with distractions, honing the art of effective speech can be a game-changer in our interactions.To help us deepen our understanding of this topic, we turn to Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of the new book Don’t Say Um. Michael is an expert in speech coaching, working with high-profile individuals from presidential candidates to CEOs. He aims to transform how we view and execute communication, moving us away from focusing on filler words and towards what he calls "linguistic precision." Throughout his work, he advocates for positive communication strategies that can be transformative in both personal and professional realms, and he’s here to share some of these insights with us.The Mystery of 'Um'Although refraining from using filler words like "um" might seem trivial, Michael shows us how avoiding them can enhance clarity and precision. Instead of harping on the use of such words, the book encourages us to pivot to linguistic accuracy, which means encouraging effective and thoughtful word choices. This approach can empower parents to communicate more efficiently with teenagers, focusing on the richness of content rather than its distractions.Michael emphasizes how vital this strategy is not only in improving parent-teen dialogue but also as a lesson in better communicative habits for teens. As he describes, creating a more positive speech environment can challenge both parents and teens to engage more actively and meaningfully in conversations.Practical Tools for Everyday ConversationsMichael shares a variety of exercises designed to sharpen articulation and delivery, including unexpected but effective techniques such as the "cork exercise." By utilizing methods like these, both parents and teens can learn to articulate better, making each conversation more impactful. Michael and I also delve into how these rituals improve not just speaking habits, but can also inspire personal growth and confidence.He insists that parents—by demonstrating their own willingness to improve communication skills—serve as powerful role models for their teenagers. This leads to an empowering cycle where teens are encouraged to improve their expressiveness and feel more confident in their communication.Raising Confident CommunicatorsAn essential element of effective communication is confidence, but as Michael notes, projecting confidence doesn't always require feeling confident. By addressing the distinction between communication content and delivery, parents and teens can build a foundation of confidence that empowers them in various social situations. Michael stresses the importance of focusing on what you can control—like breathing, posture, and other techniques, which can lend anyone more control over how confident they appear.Communicating with teens isn’t just about delivering information; it’s about creating memorable, impactful interactions. Michael helps illustrate the importance of confronting nervousness in ways that don’t shy away from, but rather embrace the body's natural reactions to stress and excitement. This emphasis not only builds stronger communicators but also fosters important emotional intelligence.In the Episode…Michael shares a wealth of insights on:Exercises to enhance clarity and articulationTechniques for managing vocal tendencies like "vocal fry"Strategies for using physical posture to improve presence and persuasionTactics to encourage authentic self-expression in teenagersIf you’d like to delve deeper into perfecting communication with your teen, this episode is a must-listen. Check out the free chapter on dontsayum.com and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening discussions!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Amy Wilson, author of Happy to Help, joins us to discuss the complexities of people pleasing, her personal journey of overcoming it, and strategies for teaching teens to listen to their own voice and set healthy boundaries.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesAs parents, we want to raise teens who are confident, grounded in their values, and capable of standing up for themselves—even when it's difficult. Yet in a world that often rewards people-pleasing behavior, teaching our teens to cultivate authenticity can be a tricky endeavor. From a young age, many individuals are socialized to put others' needs before their own, ignore their inner voice, and aim to please. The challenge for caregivers lies in guiding teenagers to embrace their own desires and make decisions based on their personal truths, even when faced with societal pressures to conform.This is the backdrop of today's discussion, as we delve into the nuances of people pleasing and the importance of empowering teens to connect with their inner voices. Our guest, Amy Wilson, an actor, writer, podcaster, and author of Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser, shares her journey from an eighth-grade people pleaser to a conscious parent teaching her children the value of self-advocacy. Amy brings a wealth of experience, not only from her own life but from hosting the podcast What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood.Throughout the episode, Amy emphasizes the role of parents in modeling boundary setting and advocating for personal wants and needs. She reflects on the importance of letting kids experience natural consequences and the discomfort of unmet expectations to encourage problem-solving skills and personal growth.The Consequences of Over-RemindingOne common struggle shared by parents is the habitual reminder—a seemingly well-intentioned effort to guide teens through their obligations can sometimes backfire. When reminders become incessant, teenagers may develop resistance or rely on their parents for motivation, detracting from their sense of responsibility and autonomy. Amy openly discusses her own struggles and how she has navigated this territory with her children, offering valuable insights on striking a balance between gentle guidance and fostering independence.Eighth Grade Diaries and Emotional IntensityAmy also takes us on a nostalgic journey through her eighth-grade diary entries, which she uses as a lens to explore adolescent self-awareness and emotional experiences. This segment highlights the significance of strong emotions and first-time experiences during young adolescence, encouraging parents to validate their teens' feelings while providing the perspective that comes with age and maturity.Tackling Perfectionism and Gender ExpectationsA notable theme in Amy's discussion is perfectionism, specifically the concept of socially prescribed perfectionism imposed by societal standards. This pressure is particularly pertinent to the expectations placed on women and girls, and Amy eloquently addresses how parents can combat these external pressures by reinforcing their teens' intrinsic worth and personal boundaries.As we explore these themes, Amy shares anecdotes from her experiences—both personal and as a parent—alongside actionable strategies for helping teenagers honor their authentic selves. In the Episode…Join the conversation as we uncover:The importance of providing teens with space to fail and learn from mistakes.How to identify and combat people-pleasing tendencies in yourself and your teens.Strategies for breaking the cycle of responding to social expectations.Ways to empower teens to articulate and pursue their true desires.Amy Wilson's episode is a deep dive into the realm of people pleasing and the crucial skills parents can foster to help teens lead authentic, self-assured lives. Tune in to share some laughs and gain insights that bridge the gap between generational boundaries. Don't forget to subscribe for more enlightening conversations on Talking to Teens!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to Be Enough, delves into the nuances of perfectionism, how it affects teens, and offers guidance on fostering self-acceptance while maintaining drive and ambition.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesIn a world where teens are striving to excel in grades, sports, arts, and social standing, societal pressure and self-imposed standards can frequently lead to a feeling of inadequacy. Many teenagers, despite achieving great things, grapple with the invisible weight of not being "enough." As parents and mentors, it's crucial to comprehend this ongoing "silent epidemic" of perfectionism that threatens to undermine their self-worth.Our guest today, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, provides an enlightening take on this pervasive issue. A reputable clinical psychologist and author, Ellen's latest book, How to Be Enough, explores the intricate dance between striving for excellence and recognizing innate worth. Whether you identify as a perfectionist or are raising one, this episode is rich with insights that illuminate the road to self-acceptance.Ellen explains how perfectionism, often seen as a quest for flawlessness, is actually a misdirected convincing that one is never truly enough. Yet, it’s not all bad. She points out the positive side of conscientiousness—when drive turns into relentless self-criticism, though, that's when perfectionism becomes unhealthy. In our conversation, we gauge how to identify when this line is crossed.The Perfectionism PendulumPerfectionism doesn’t just show up; it has roots, be it familial, societal, or personal predispositions. The discussion digs into patterns in family dynamics, such as anxious rearing and contingent love that may unknowingly perpetuate high-stakes environments for teens. Ellen unpacks how these environments can entrench the belief that self-worth is earned, not given.For parents of adolescents, recognizing how perfectionism manifests during these formative years can offer insights into what it means to provide unconditional love—emphasizing love independent of achievement.Supporting Exploration Over PerfectionEllen reminds us that adolescence is a time of exploration. Teens can feel trapped in a cycle of sticking only to what they excel at, driven by external praise and a need for validation. This episode emphasizes the importance of supporting your child in breaking free from this mold, encouraging them to try new things without fear of judgment, and valuing the process over the outcome.Using Values to Overcome CriticismShifting focus from labels to values can be a solid strategy for overcoming self-critical thoughts and preserving self-worth. Instead of defining oneself by arbitrary or external standards, teens and adults alike can cultivate a life driven by values. A focus on personal growth and learning rather than fulfilling rigid expectations can pave the way for a healthier mindset.Fostering Warmth and RelationshipsFinally, the episode underscores the significance of warmth and connection over sheer competence. Ellen advises that fostering sincere relationships requires emphasizing kindness and intention over an endless pursuit of correctness, often the hiding place of perfectionism. This principle resounds through both family interactions and broader social connections, fostering a healthier community atmosphere for teens.In the Episode...My discussion with Ellen Hendriksen was as insightful as it was reassuring. Among the fascinating concepts explored in this episode, we also cover:The difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionismHow gender roles play into adolescent perfectionismStrategies to shift from rigid to flexible thinkingSpecific steps parents can take to support self-acceptance in teensTo delve deeper into these life-changing insights and more, check out How to be Enough and visit Ellen's website at ellenhendriksen.com. Don’t forget to share this episode and subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Chinwe Williams, author of Seen, joins us to discuss how parents can truly connect with and support their teenagers by understanding their emotional needs and fostering a growth mindset.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers in today’s world is a challenge that many find daunting. The teenage years are fraught with turbulence, from the storm of emotional changes to academic pressure and growing responsibilities. As parents, it’s easy to feel like we’re navigating deep waters without a map. We want to be there for our teens, guiding them through their struggles and helping them build resilience. But, sometimes our well-intentioned advice seems to miss the mark, leaving both sides frustrated.This episode addresses a core issue that many parents face—making their teens feel truly seen. Adolescents deal with a host of issues that make them feel invisible or misunderstood. They struggle with anxiety, battle societal expectations, and often encounter mixed messages in their environments. By ensuring that they are ‘seen’, parents can provide critical support. Enter Dr. Chinwe Williams, counselor, educator, and author of the book "Seen". Chinwe dives into the pivotal role of meaningful connections between parents and teenagers. During our discussion, Chinwe emphasizes creating an environment where teens feel heard and appreciated—not just for their accomplishments, but for their unique selves. By validating their feelings and fostering an authentic relationship, parents can help teens recognize their self-worth and develop confidence.In this episode, Chinwe shares her own journey into the realm of adolescent counseling and outlines the essence of her book "Seen". She delves into practical strategies for connecting with teenagers, underscoring the importance of fostering a safe space for them to express themselves. We explore various themes including:The Importance of Being SeenChinwe discusses the foundational understanding that young people need someone who knows them beyond their academic or extracurricular accolades. By providing genuine care and displaying interest in their lives, parents and mentors can powerfully impact a teenager's sense of self-worth. Chinwe shares some touching real-life stories, illustrating these concepts.Speaking Life: Encouraging PositivityThe concept of "Speaking Life" involves positively affirming a teen's abilities and potential. Chinwe advises parents to be specific when they praise their children, focusing on authentic character traits, effort, and resilience, rather than empty compliments. Parental Responses that May HarmSometimes, in our attempts to comfort or advise our kids, we inadvertently dismiss their feelings or respond in ways that may increase their distress. Chinwe highlights the importance of avoiding invalidating statements and explains how approaches like shaming, labeling, and dismissing can be detrimental. Instead, she advocates for acknowledging and validating teens' experiences to nurture trust and communication.Understanding and Reshaping Negative ThoughtsThroughout the discussion, we delve into techniques for helping teenagers manage negative thought patterns. Using the THINK methodology, Chinwe outlines how teens can critically examine and reframe their thoughts, promoting healthier mental states and fostering resilience in the face of challenges.Addressing Dark ThoughtsIn her book, Chinwe provides insights on how to tackle one of the most serious issues: suicidal thoughts. This section offers parents critical guidance on responding with empathy and obtaining the right support for their teens.In the Episode...Our conversation with Chinwe is packed with practical advice and heartfelt reflections on supporting teenagers. On top of these topics, we explore: The neuroscience behind why emotional support is crucial Strategies to reduce anxiety and promote a growth mindset How to engage in meaningful conversations with teens The role of non-biological mentors in a teen's lifeIf you’re ready to dive deeper into these concepts and enrich your communication with your teenager, don’t miss this episode. Reach out to Chinwe Williams on her website or Instagram for more valuable insights. Thanks for tuning in! Don’t forget to subscribe, and we’ll see you next week.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Claudia Black, author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens, joins us to discuss emotional literacy, the power of community in recovery, and how parents can break enabling patterns to support their teens' journey to sobriety.Adolescence is a turbulent time, with teens often encountering overwhelming emotions and difficult life choices. For some, substances like alcohol and drugs become a crutch, a misguided attempt to handle the tumultuous world around them. The complexities of addiction at such a young age can be particularly daunting, both for the teens embroiled in substance use and for the parents striving to help them find their way out.The challenges of navigating a teen’s journey from substance use to recovery are multifaceted. At its core, successful recovery involves unraveling the emotions that drive the behavior. Why do teens choose substances? Often it’s a matter of emotional choice; they're seeking belonging, escape from pain, or the comfort of numbness. When parents step back, they might find they are inadvertently enabling these escape routes, rather than challenging their teen to face and manage the real issues.Enter Claudia Black, a seasoned expert in adolescent and family recovery. With a career spanning 45 years in residential treatment and pioneering research on children from addictive family systems, Claudia is the author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens. Her book serves as a workbook, filled with exercises that encourage self-discovery and emotional engagement, paving the way for a clean and fulfilling life.Discovering Emotional LiteracyUnderpinning Claudia's approach is the concept of emotional literacy – understanding and processing emotions without resorting to substances. Adolescents often harbor significant shame and secrecy surrounding their behavior, fearing disappointment from their parents. Claudia emphasizes addressing these emotions constructively to cultivate self-worth and align with personal values, a theme we explore in-depth on today’s show.To guide teens through this emotionally-charged landscape, Claudia's exercises encourage them to identify and acknowledge their feelings, breaking down the barriers of shame and secrecy. She introduces techniques for teens to manage their emotions without resorting to substance use—empowering them to transform behavioral patterns fundamentally.Building a Supportive CommunityEssential to recovering from substance use is community. Claudia shares insights on how communal experiences in recovery settings, where young people can meet peers facing similar challenges, help instill a belief that life can indeed be different—and better. These powerful connections often motivate teens to embrace change and build healthier lifestyles.Parental Involvement and EducationParents play a crucial role in their child's recovery journey. Claudia discusses how parents must adopt new strategies, aligning their support with the therapist's guidance and confronting enabling behaviors. Understanding addiction’s impact on the brain, recognizing patterns, and utilizing leverage without resorting to fear-based tactics are keys to breaking destructive cycles and fostering genuine change.Unmasking the True SelfIn her book, Claudia also details how to unmask those secretive layers that often accompany addiction. By discerning the underlying emotions and addressing the shame associated with secrets, teens can learn to navigate life more transparently and authentically, resulting in long-term recovery.In the Episode...Throughout our discussion, Claudia provides a wealth of knowledge for parents and teens alike. She highlights:Methods for teens to connect with their emotions safelyStrategies for parents to support recovery without enablingThe importance of aligning parental roles and understanding individual dynamicsInsights into breaking generational cycles of addictionIf you're confronting the challenges of teen substance use, this conversation offers vital guidance. To learn more about Claudia's work, check out Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens on Amazon, or visit her website at claudiablack.com. Thanks for tuning in—don’t forget to subscribe and share! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.