Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Laurie Hatch, a “radical grandma” with strong ideas and opinions about how children who can be raised. She has eleven kids, 44 grandkids and has worked in education, now consulting and training. We are going to talk about kids...“If I could teach parents one thing it would be: never expect kids to share. Kids do not share until the ages of 4 and 5 when it becomes important to them to have a playmate who stays with them and collaborates”“Sharing is one of the most inappropriate expectations we have in childhood and a huge trigger. We were taught to be nice and share and that if you don’t share you aren’t nice.”“About the time we start to figure out parenting, we are done”What you’ll hear in this episode:•   Exploring the language we use to describe behaviors our kids engage in•   How separating ourselves from our children’s behavior changes how we describe and perceive it•   Sibling rivalry and how we help create it•   The role of supervision in mitigating sibling conflict•   What is scaffolding and how does it relate to correcting behavior?•   Setting reasonable expectations around kid’s ability to self-regulate: improvement vs. mastery•   Child development and how that impacts how sibling conflict plays out•   Resolving conflict through curiosity•   Naturalist observational report: talking to kids about what happened absent of judgment and assumption•   Sharing expectations: why and when developmentally kids share and how expecting it can create challenges•   Biting and tantrums in context: how language and maturity impact these phases•   Backtalk versus advocacy: reframing sassy behavior•   Repetitive behaviors: chances to try different approaches to resolve conflict•   Nurturing in the heat of conflict: why it helps and how to do it even when it’s hard.•   Solutions vs punishments. Focusing on the goal and expected behavior and being permissive aren’t the same thing, resolution doesn’t need to be punitive•   Relationship repair and how to recover fromparenting missteps•   Spanking – where does it come from and what else can you do in the moment•   Post-conflict recaps: encouraging perspective taking and problem solving•   The role of family meetings: connecting rather than blaming•   Parenting education helps learn about parenting process•   Triggers: why do we have them and what they can teach us about ourselves?•   Self-care and parenting – how journaling can help•   Problem solving without faultWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you?“Joy is the essence of being centered in truth. Courage is heart. I try to live so my life and heart are centered on the things I know are true. I have limited knowledge so I’m continually looking for that. I draw on my courage so that I can speak out in active ways that are in harmony with what I believe. Joy is not fleeting, it’s not like happiness. Joy is a constant and a choice in life. If you have joy in your heart, you’re able to endure challenges and adversity because you have this constant centered on truth." Where to find Laurie: Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Sara Yao, a leadership coach who transitioned to self-employment on the birth of her child. While her book doesn’t focus on parenting specifically, the principles are incredibly relevant to parenting. Join us! “It’s about how often you can be present, not how often you can be perfect.” What you’ll hear in this episode:  What is a leader and how does it relate to parenting? The value of presence, stability and connectedness relative to skills competency Impacts of going on autopilot on parenting and family relationships The practice of pausing to break autopilot Reactive tendencies (complying, detaching, and controlling) - what they are and how they develop The way presence and mindfulness create choice in parenting Modeling - how we pass on our reactive tendencies to our kids How to take a “presence first” approach to parenting to overcome our own reactive tendencies Cultivating presence – how to become more mindful “Survival fear,” sleep deprivation and hormones and the impact of an adrenalized state on our parenting How to start small to create more awareness more often to build a habit of mindfulness. Mindfulness, perfectionism and self-compassion: recognizing increased presence shouldn’t create an expectation of perfection Tuning into body sensation to be present and noticing Breathing techniques – “box breathing” to calm you down when your nervous system is riled up  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“I have such deep respect for myself and for others when they are just willing to examine and question – when they do, the liberation that comes from moving out of a pattern or coming to and waking up, that to me is the epitome of joyful courage. Have the courage to look, feel free and at choice again.” Resources:Her book, “Drop in: Leading with deeper presence and courage”Her book, Get Present Where to find Sara:Facebook l Twitter l Her website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month's Ask Casey episode digs into how to engage our children in conversations about behavior and emotions when they are reluctant to meet us in the conversation...  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Nicole Schwarz, from Imperfect Families. She’s a mom of 3 girls, a parenting coach and child and family therapist who focuses on helping parents use positive, respectful strategies with their kids. Today we are talking about sibling conflict. The questions we are discussing come straight from the community - join us!What you’ll hear in this episode:•   How to keep sibling conflict to a dull roar with a relationship focus in your parenting•   Balancing the desire to step in with giving space for them to work it out for themselves•   “Say what you see” approach to conflict resolution by describing it•   Role of modeling and coaching for creative solutions•   Deescalating techniques to resolve conflict•   Understanding the role of neurological development on decision making in conflict•   Having empathy for a sense of injustice and encouraging empathy in your kids•   Teaching kids that “people get what they need” and how that might be different and lead to perceived inequity•   Understanding impulse control limitations and flooding and how it leads to physical acting out•   Using proactive practice and play based knowledge to avoid future conflict•   How to focus on what led to acting out to avoid shaming while encouraging learning•   Exercising compassion around evolving nature of self-regulation•   Understanding jealous and resentment around new babies and the needs of other siblings•   Introducing the concept of mixed feelings to kids who are too young to have that insight for themselves•   Coaching around sharing toys and how to place limits on it – sharing power, soliciting and implementing solutions from your kids•   Improving connection to reduce rivalry – using one-on-one time to address your child’s jealousy•   The value of shifting focus from our kid’s behavior to our own behavior – recognizing it’s the only thing we can control•   Contextualizing power struggles as kids trying to navigate their world•   Reframing “bossy” behavior in a positive way and channeling it for good•   Changing how we see tattling•   The value of redo’s and self care Resources:Brain in the Palm for Kids video Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber Peaceful Parents Happy Siblings: How To Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends For Life by Dr. Laura MarkhamWhere to find Nicole:Facebook l Twitter I Her website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Sheri Gazitt, founder of a company called “Teen Wise” which focuses on teen issues like bullying, perfectionism, stress and friendship issues. She’s a mom of 3 girls in their teens. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode: Navigating your teen’s confusion and search for identity The “trying on” process teens go through as they evaluate the pieces that form their identity and how to support it The impact of stress, peer pressure and expectations on families Definitions of success and challenges when they don’t align How to support your daughters through their exploration of true self The evolving nature of the “true self” Moving our coaching from “Be yourself” to “Figure out who yourself is” and why it’s necessary Role modeling values but recognizing your teen may not share your values.  How not to take your teen’s behavior personally The importance of healthy adult relationships How to maintain a relationship when your teen is pulling away What girls say they need from parents Navigating conversations when your child’s confidences reveal a need for outside interventions The value of leaving space for teens to have emotions Wardrobe and helping our teens navigate a sexualized climate How to keep your parenting goals in sight when navigating challenging behaviors The power of forgiveness What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“It gives me very positive vibes. It means we are happy with ourselves about what challenges we take on and parenting is definitely one of those challenges. It means to be happy and joyful even if we make mistakes, if we fail at something horribly, just to be joyful about the fact that we have that challenge in front of us and we are willing to take it on and give it our all."Resources: Reviving OpheliaWhere to find Sheri: Her website l Facebook l Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So happy to have the founders of Sproutable.com on the show today!! Alanna Beebe and Julietta Skoog are on a MISSION to be super helpful and supportive of parents raising kids under five. They are on the show to share their offer and what inspires them to work with families.Enjoy!Resources:www.besproutable.com Facebook l Twitter l Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Tosha Schore, known online as “Your Partner in Parenting Boys” and a mom of 3 boys. She partners with parents to help their boys thrive – teaching parents to practice self care, connect with their boys deeply to encourage open communication, coaching them to set limits in a loving way and to use play strategically in their parenting. Join us!“My mission is to make a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time.” “Parenting is difficult because to do it well you must look inside yourself; you need to know what makes you sore and what really pushes your buttons. Looking at oneself, really looking inside is a challenge, the thing is, the consequence of not looking at oneself is even worse.”“If we want to guide our children well, we have to first look at our own stories.”What you’ll hear in this episode:  The value of getting ourselves into “good parenting shape” and listening to each other non-judgmentally to ease frustration The importance of boys being able to feel their feelings and avoid the “boiling pot” – embracing the body’s natural way to heal from our hurts What keeps parents from feeling like it’s ok for their boys to feel their feelings? Learning to be unattached to your child’s reactions to limits The impact of isolation on the parenting experience Stereotypes of masculinity and how they impact emotional intimacy How to transition your boys from exhibiting aggressive behaviors to being more calm and increasing accountability by reducing fear The importance of not losing sight of your boy’s goodness despite poor behavior Working towards discipline from a place of connection The value of being curious about what’s underneath anger How to parenting in a way that honors the developing brain Addressing off-track behaviors through connection and taking a proactive approach Helping kids handle the pressure to save face Techniques to address separation anxiety How to set healthy limits in a loving way while creating safe spaces for exploration Supporting boys through loudness and recognizing it for what it is What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“Working in this life for what you feel is important – being you. Courage means being me and supporting my children and the people I know to be them fully. There’s nothing more joyful than being real and full and who you are and the gift you have to give.”Resources:Positive Discipline – Jane Nelsen Listen – 5 simple tools to meet your everyday parenting challenges – Tosha Schore & Patty Wipfler Where to find Tosha: FacebookTwitterHer website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Eric Greene, a father, husband and children’s rights activist. His work through his website, his Facebook group and private consultations focuses on peaceful parenting. As a father of one, his son has inspired him to explore parenting approaches that honor his desire to be the best parent he can be. His goal is to help improve the lives of children by helping parents learn better ways of raising children. Join us!“Peaceful parenting is not permissive, it’s setting limits and boundaries in a peaceful way.” What you’ll hear in this episode:  What is peaceful parenting? How applicable is peaceful parenting to parents of more than one child? What does “Growing the pause” mean and how do you do it? Peaceful parenting as a practice and the need for repetition Recognizing peaceful parenting doesn’t change that kids are still kids The role of mindfulness in peaceful parenting How to be firm and still parent peacefully Building resiliency in your kids Mindset shifts in peaceful parenting – moving from trying to control your kids’ behavior to trying to control what’s going on within yourself The difference between peaceful and permissive parenting Practicing no buts” empathy Peaceful “parenting practices The value of “hugging it out” to find a solution Looking for opportunities to share power Common struggles among parents trying to parent peacefully   Traditional gender roles and peaceful parenting Supporting your co-parent to parent peacefully The importance of self-care and self-compassion in peaceful parenting How to take baby steps to positive parenting What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“The courage to be joyful. Brene Brown talked about how the most vulnerable state you can be in is joy.That takes courage. It takes courage to be joyful.”Resources:The Intentional Parent ProjectPositive Discipline – Jane Nelsen Where to find Eric:His websiteFacebookTwitterPeaceful Parenting Community Facebook group Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Joanne Foster, an educational consultant and author of several parenting and educational books. Her work focuses on supporting and encouraging children’s well-being, intelligence, creativity, self-confidence, and productivity. As a mother of two and grandmother of three, she has over 30 years’ experience working with gifted children. She recently wrote an article about the lure of extracurricular activities. It’s a topic that every family has to face and deal with in their own way. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode: Why extracurricular activities should complement what they’re learning in school Opportunities and demand How much choice should you give your children? The perceived pressure that parents feel regarding extracurricular activities Too much vs. too little Should you ever let a child QUIT an activity? Helping a child pick and choose activities Examples of extracurricular options that DON’T have to be stressful Advice for parents about setting boundaries Why kids need help in developing accountability for decisions ​What does Joyful Courage mean to you?“For me, it means using my intelligence, drawing on past experiences, acquiring supports when needed, harnessing my creativity, and having faith in my ability to confront changes and challenges.”Resources:www.beyondintelligence.net. Being Smart about Gifted Education by Dona Matthews and Joanne Foster  Beyond Intelligence by Dona Matthews and Joanne Foster  Not Now, Maybe Later: Helping Kids Overcome Procrastination by Joanne FosterAnd an article that Joanne was inspired to write after our interview: Too Invested in Your Child's Activities and PerformanceWhere to find Joanne:Her website Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices