Memoir Snob

Sam is back to discuss more marital arguments, though he insists they rarely argue while Charlie insists they argue plenty.

Guests on the podcast discuss submitting personal essays to the New York Times 'Modern Love' column, exploring storytelling intricacies, self-effacement, and the emotional journey of deciding to submit an essay under their real name.

Here’s what I learned from three sobriety memoirs: The Night of the Gun by David Carr: Interview the people from your past. It doesn’t have to be formal or recorded. It could be as simple as a text message to see what they remember about the event.  This can accomplish three things:  It’s a way to add more details into your story.  It allows the person to feel like they’re a part of the process of writing it as opposed to feeling like it’s one-sided.  It makes you, the writer, more relatable and reliable because you’re giving different perspectives.  The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober by Catherine Gray: Don’t break the fourth wall to manipulate the reader or try to get them on your side. Breaking the fourth wall should always be a statement, not a question.  Option: Use sarcasm or let them in on a secret.  We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen: Just tell the story and leave the reader out of it. 

Heres’s what I learned from Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp AND The Elements Of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth. Anaphora is when you start each phrase, sentence, or paragraph with the same word or words. But be careful: readers always remember the opening words but often forget the rest. So when using anaphora, be intentional about what you want to emphasize. Also, only using one word for the anaphora—as opposed to a phrase—is slightly less powerful but beautifully hypnotic.  Epistrophe is when you end each phrase, sentence, or paragraph with the same word. Diacope is when a word or phrase is repeated after a brief interruption. Parataxis is short, clear, matter-of-fact sentences, often subject-verb, without conjunctions (think Hemingway). Knapp was selective with parataxis, using it when she wrote about the moment she found out her father died and again at the moment her mother died. In both instances, it was a shocking, cringey admission because she was drunk both times. Pleonasm is the use of unneeded words, sometimes repeating the exact same word, other times saying the same thing in a slightly different way. This can annoy readers, but when utilized for intentional redundancy can be quite effective and powerful.

Exploring the experience of writing under a pseudonym for over four years, the podcast delves into audience growth, personal connections with readers, and the freedom of creative expression. The host shares insights on choosing a pseudonym, the internal struggle of sharing work with loved ones, and the identity dilemma between anonymity and authenticity. Additionally, the podcast discusses a structured writing process with a book coach and the importance of maintaining a routine for creative productivity.

Here’s what I learned from Life On Delay by John Hendrickson: On Structure: When you open with a big event, where something big is about to happen, it creates suspense. The opening is a pivotal moment. There was life before this moment, and then there’s life after.  Around ¾ of the way through the book he comes back to this moment and finishes the story.  The life-changing moment is only the beginning of the major changes to come for John (aka, the main character). The life changing moment, then, is a catalyst for change and growth.  On the relationships with his family, namely his brother Matt: Adjectives are manipulative when describing the people you’re close to. Showing is always more compelling than telling.  When writing about your past—especially your adolescence—the best way to evoke emotion out of the reader is to leave your feelings out of it, whether they were your feelings back then or your feelings now. The best way to introduce a main character in your story is through multiple stories about them. When introducing a character who you had or have a troubled relationship with, it’s important to write about them completely separate from you. So there should be stories that involve you AND stories that don’t involve you, so the reader can get a fuller sense of who this person is. Phrases I will never write in my own book: “I don’t blame them,” or “absolutely thrilled.”  Other Notes: When jumping around to past, present, and future, it’s important to find ways of anchoring the reader and orienting them by letting them know where we are on the timeline, in relation to big events that have already occurred in the story.  Freeze frame: when you’ve finally arrived at a big moment—in this book’s case, a hard conversation—one way to build suspense is to break up the dialogue by commenting on something else that’s happening at the same time. In this instance, John wrote about what was going on in his head simultaneously.   On Endings:  A powerful way to end is with a story. It doesn’t have to be fancy or clever. This was simple, abrupt, and beautiful.  Here’s the link to Michael Dean’s video about the David Foster Wallace essay:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wbjup1xuo8Q&t=1s

The podcast discusses the flaws in celebrity memoirs, the impact of top athletes' TV interviews, and the power of well-written memoirs. It highlights David Foster Wallace's critique of Tracy Austin's memoir and delves into the contrast between ghostwritten and skilled writer memoirs.

Here’s what I learned from My Fair Junkie by Amy Dresner: Amy Dresner is the second memoirist I’ve read who had a life changing moment with a breathwork teacher—Glennon Doyle was the first, in Love Warrior. So I found a breathwork person near me and did it! I don’t know if it was life changing but I definitely had a moment.  Character intros should have lots of specific details, and don’t be afraid to make them long, like three or four sentences.  A rule about parentheticals: they should always only be hilarious. Lots of examples of how to not write your feelings or your own commentary to the story, especially when the dialogue is gold (as it was in Amy’s story).  And a quick update on my memoir!

Here's what I learned from Lost & Found by Kathryn Schulz: Create tension by pairing repetition with opposites. Add playfulness by pairing something literal with something figurative.  Show don’t tell: how can you show us you’re crying without telling us? Also… an update on my memoir!

Here’s what I learned from In The Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado: I can write a cohesive story that is made up of little stories, all strung together with a unifying theme.  When writing about moments of inebriation or vulnerability, it’s funny to include present-tense comments of your thoughts at the time, like a question you thought, or something ridiculous that would not make sense if you were sober.  Metaphors don’t need to be explicitly explained, as long as there's context surrounding it.  Surprise your reader with a different format at some point in the book: in this case, she did a whole section of Choose Your Own Adventure. When you find it difficult to explain something, analogies are a great tool.