Memoir Snob

Here's what I learned from A Life's Work by Rachel Cusk: -Sometimes your experience of something is enough, sometimes it’s all there is. You don’t have to share wisdom or lessons; you could just tell people what happened, and there's value in that. -When you include disclaimers you water down the thing you were trying to say. It takes away from the truth and makes you unrelatable. -Write unsparingly about yourself means to ONLY write unsparingly about yourself. You don't then try to redeem yourself after the fact. Just say the shitty thing and move on. When you try to redeem yourself it makes you unlikeable. -When you write an analogy, the more parallels you can make the more vivid the analogy becomes. -In a run-on sentence it's funny if you can add a conflicting statement—I want this but I also want the opposite of this. Also, the run-on sentence is more powerful if either the sentences just before or after are really short. -If you want to tell a story that involves another person but you don't want to include them, you don't have to! You can leave them out completely, or, you can make it known that they were there but then still leave them out of the story. If the person doesn't add any relevance to your story, if their presence is more distracting than anything else, just leave them out.

Here’s what I learned from The Liars’ Club by Mary Karr: If I want to tell stories from my past that involve family members, I can ask them how they remember the same story and include their perspective by saying things like, “If I gave my big sister a paragraph here, she would correct my memory. To this day, she claims…” or “Lecia says that…” or “My sister says this never happened.”  I can tell my truth and honor my story while and also share my family’s perspective. It’s not 'I’m right and they’re wrong,' it’s 'here’s how I remember it and here’s how my family remembers it.'

Here’s what I learned from Cheryl Strayed: “The hardest part about memoir is the unfortunate fact that other people exist.” Every time she writes about anyone other than herself she asks herself a series of questions— Will this hurt our relationship?  Will this unfairly invade someone's privacy?  Will I be able to tell this story in such a way that is both deeply rooted in my truth and also acknowledging that that person I'm writing about would tell a different version of this story?  Do I have the right to tell their story, even if it's just through my perspective?  Will invading their privacy harm them or hurt them?  Cheryl wrote a longform essay titled Two Women Walk Into A Bar, available in early January 2024. It’s about her mother-in-law who recently passed away. They had a troubled relationship and Cheryl had to navigate how to tell their story with kindness at its center.  “Don’t be afraid of the dark stuff, because the beautiful stuff is there, too.” The secret of memoir: when you can ask a universal question and tie it to your own personal question.  Cheryl’s personal question for Wild: How can I live without my mom? Her universal question: How do we go on when we've lost someone who's essential to us? Cheryl explains how to find and cultivate your authentic voice.  She ends by answering the following question from the audience:  How can I write a book if my family says I'm crazy and that “it didn't happen"? In short, she says your family members are not your audience, and your book is not for them.  — The first memoir deep dive I did was on Cheryl Strayed’s Wild in Episode 22. Listen here.

Here's what I learned from What Remains by Carole Radziwill: -The best prologue I’ve read so far because of her journalistic style of writing.  -Structure is so important. It should be seamless, unnoticeable; surprising but not confusing. Never linear.  -Rather than attempt to describe visceral moments from my life where I’ve “cried so hard,” I can skip them altogether.   -Facts are more shocking than trying to describe the shocking thing. -A strong ending: circled back to the prologue and then closed with a flashback.

Memoir deep dive #8 Here’s what I learned from The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls: -When you leave out thoughts and feelings it evokes big emotions from the reader. -Action and dialogue drive a story—not thoughts and feelings. -If you want to drop a bomb, bury it. Make it subtle, within a sentence. Say it and move on.  -A long list can evoke big emotions. -Include moments of resolution, when something difficult has occurred that has made me determined and focused about myself or my future. -Want a strong ending? End with a callback metaphor.

Exploring writing styles in memoirs, breaking the 4th wall, subtle sarcasm, personal fantasies, and the importance of a great ending in Steve Martin's book.

Memoir deep dive #6 Here's what I learned from Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle: -Her book structure was as follows: Prelude (her wedding day) Part 1 :The Before Image (childhood to rock bottom, to pregnant, to marrying Craig) Part 2: The Explosion (being sober and married and a mom is hard, writing is the light in her life, and then the bomb is dropped—Craig confesses that he's cheated on her multiple times) Part 3: The Transformation (a journey to self-trust, forgiveness, and a new way of being) Afterword (renewing her wedding vows) The Prelude and Afterword acted as bookends, mirroring each other. -She uses a coined term throughout the book: my representative. This is the Instagram version of herself, the one she sends forward to protect herself from harm. The one who tells the world, "I'm fine," even though she's not. She came back to this term again and again, until finally, she has a new understanding of her representative. -There were a few moments when she wrote with anger that made me feel bad for her husband even though he cheated on her. For myself, I want to try and take out all emotion, all of my thoughts, and just stick to the story. I don't want to coerce readers into taking my side. I want them to decide for themselves how they feel about the different characters. -The ending felt a little too hopeful, a little too wrapped up in a bow, a little too boring. For myself, I want there to be a punch at the end. I still want it to be happy, but I want to make the reader laugh, or cry, or both. The ending should be a story, and it should grip the reader until the very last words.

In this podcast, they discuss the impact of repetition and analogies in writing. They also explore the use of alliteration and em dashes. The importance of reading writers you admire and using callbacks in storytelling is emphasized. They reflect on missed opportunities and the power of foreshadowing. Additionally, they talk about body image struggles and the effects of alcohol in the book.

Viola Davis shares writing tips like 'show don't tell' and considering ghost writers. Norm Macdonald discusses storytelling techniques and blurring truth and absurdity. David Sedaris reveals the humor of repetition and the power of responding with stories. The podcast explores the influence of childhood memories, admiration for David Sedaris, and the effectiveness of ending a story without reflection or lessons.

Here's what I learned from Crying In H Mart: -Food is a very visual theme she uses throughout the book. What's a visual theme I could use in my book? -Specific, observational details are interesting and engaging. -Whenever you write about a person, you have to show the good and bad. People are never one-dimensional. -Litter your book with continuous stories, where you tell a piece of a story and let it hang, then come back to it later. This creates a feeling of satisfaction for the reader that a loop has been closed. -When you admit the things you're ashamed of, it's not only relatable to the reader, it's also freeing and empowering for you, the writer. -Include a chapter about your spouse/partner if they are a part of your story! -Endings feel satisfying when there is an actual end or culmination. In this case, she ends with her music tour, and the last stop is her birth place and mother's home. References: Danica Delacruz's ⁠essay⁠