Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

All of the men we work with, whether married, dating, or single, want women to feel safe with them. It's important to them that women trust them -- that women feel secure around them (even if that's "just" on a dating app).And women don't tend to feel deeply safe unless they feel claimed. In one woman's words: “When a man doesn’t claim me, I feel anxious and stressed and find myself not wanting to be vulnerable."Another said, "When a man doesn't claim me it feels confusing... like, 'Huh?' I'm like, 'Wtf is happening?' I feel anxious and unsettled, and I don't want to open up and be vulnerable. I feel wary and the need to be hypervigilant."Claiming doesn't mean dominating. It's not about overpowering. Here, we go into depth around what claiming is and isn't, and how you can do it well. The good news? When you know how to claim well, your dating and sex life will improve. Your current relationship will get hotter and smoother.If you're a man who wants women to feel safe with you, this is one to listen to.Memorable quotes from this episode:"When I feel claimed I feel safe and held. It makes me trust him and his leadership / guidance / direction.""I can surrender and experience joy and be playful. I'm more willing to come along for the ride without having to worry about all the nitty-gritty details, like whether or not I'll be protected.""I'd follow him anywhere."Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love working with men who are ready to do the work! If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Relate to any of the following dating and relationship questions?In dating, I tend to get attached/excited about someone fast, and then really disappointed when it doesn’t work out. How do I lessen the intensity of this? (This includes if you've just been messaging with someone on a dating app like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, etc. and you thought it'd go somewhere but then it didn't)I brought something to a woman that I thought she'd appreciate, and she didn’t respond. Did I do something wrong?Should I wait to get into a relationship in order to work on my stuff? (Similar to, "How do I know when I'm ready to get into a relationship/start dating again?")How do I ‘not take the bait,’ as in get reactive, when someone is baiting me (like my girlfriend or wife)?Here, I answer all of these questions, which includes exploring what to do when you feel let down around something in sex, dating or relationships; how to know when it's time to work on yourself and not date (take a break from dating) vs. work on yourself while in a relationship; and what to do when you're in the middle of a fight with your partner and want to slow things down.Learning and growing is a brave act. It's also one of the best investments you can possibly make in your own future. I also believe that every time you grow and expand beyond your family of origin, you're contributing to the good of the species. So good on you!Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love working with men who are ready to do the work! If you want to break old patterns and transform your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

If you've ever been concerned about erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and looked at male-bodied porn stars with envy, here's a fun fact: Close to 100% of male-bodied porn stars use Viagra/Cialis/other sexual performance enhancement drugs in order to perform on set.That's not the only thing that might surprise you about sex, love, dating, and the behind-the-scenes truth about pornography. Here, porn director Holly Randall outlines some of the differences between the sex shown in porn versus real sex, and we also get into what the sex lives of porn stars are really like.Other topics include how to relax about penis size (this part is very interesting), things you might not have known about anal sex, and more.Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to break old patterns and transform in a real and lasting way, we can help.Take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When a woman is going through a tough time (especially for an extended period of time), it can be easy to fall into a codependent dynamic. When she relies heavily on you to help her feel better, this can be taxing on your nervous system. And nobody wants codependence!How do you stay steady when things like financial stress, fertility issues, job concerns, or hard family dynamics cause a wife, girlfriend, or other woman partner to turn to you more than ever?Here we talk about what it means to be emotionally regulated vs/ dysregulated, and concrete ways to feel better and manage stress in a healthy, generative fashion. We outline how a woman (or any dysregulated partner) can soothe herself, as well as strategies you can use to support her through a difficult time.If you've ever felt unsure about how to soothe a woman partner or challenged by feeling the need to hold space repeatedly for something neither she nor you have control over (i.e. her getting laid off, or interacting with a frustrating/difficult relative, etc.), you'll appreciate this one.Mentioned on this episode:Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) (https://youtu.be/FeUioDuJjFI)Network Spinal Analysis (https://tinyurl.com/3assne6v)Violet's site: (https://violetlange.com/)Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to break old patterns and transform in a real and lasting way, we can help.Take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Oral sex can be super hot. In fact, some people consider it even more intimate than intercourse.As one writer put it, "Sexual intercourse is mostly selfish. Sure, you want the other person to get off, but your own orgasm is your first priority. But giving head is, at the core, a selfless act."Speaking of orgasm, 70%+ of women who have sex with men don't tend to cum through intercourse ... but many can if you go down on them! Yep, going down on her can be super important in some cases, since it can be a reliable way to help your woman partner to get off.Whether you're dating women or you're in a long-term relationship like a marriage, oral can be a delightful part of your sexual repertoire. But how do you navigate it and make sure it's good for all involved? What, for example, do you do if a woman is actually uncomfortable receiving oral sex (and if that woman is your wife)?Here, we delve into all that and more -- the good, the bad the ugly -- of going downtown.---Mentioned on this episode:The GirlTalk episode on how to go down on a woman (episode 152)The course based on my sex research: Please Her In BedReady to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here.

Let's say you're doing the work, and meet someone else who's doing the work. Now you're in a conscious relationship! Mazel tov! Now what do you need to know about sex, love, relating, and how it all connects? When you've got two people who are growing, you've got tremendous potential. You've also got some other stuff. ;)Allana has 20 years of helping both singles and couples with sex, love, and relationships, so she's able to speak to the larger patterns that emerge in the work. According to her, "most intimacy struggles boil down to a few common blindspots that once healed, allow vulnerable, authentic relationships to thrive."Want to know what the top 3 blindspots are, and how to address them? Listen on!Memorable quotes from this episode:"I played the Wall Street wife and lost myself.""There's a gift in every crisis.""The main tipping point was when my son came and said, 'I know what I’m doing.'""I believe the universe is on our side.""Tell me something about you and oral sex…"Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here.

Sex is part of life, and major life events affect our sex lives. Here are just a few things you might've wondered about in the course of your own sex life:How do I overcome erectile dysfunction without drugs? (like Viagra or Cialis)What do I do if she's less into sex than me? (a difference in libido, which sometimes involves an arousal disorder)My wife had a baby and now intercourse hurts. Are we ever going to have great sex again??What if my woman partner has dryness or pain during sex, especially post-menopause? How can I help?Enter Dr. Soum, founder of science-based sex tech company MysteryVibe. "Childbirth, menopause, recovering from cancer or surgery — in all of these cases, your sex life is affected, and the mystery leaves the bedroom," he says.But it can come back, people. As one happy couple in their 70s said of using one of their products, "We’ve been married for 30 years and we feel like we’re back in our honeymoon."Look, the truth is that human bodies are both complicated and simple at the same time. A lot of women contend with anorgasmia, for example, which is just a big word for the inability to orgasm.But this doesn't have to be a forever state of being. It's totally addressable, as is pain after childbirth. This is especially reassuring given that a whopping 86% of moms have pelvic/vaginal pain, and 50% still have it after 2 years.None of this has to stay your reality. Pelvic floors are resilient, and so are people. Listen for some serious knowledge-dropping, and sweet inspiration.Memorable quotes from this episode:"I love the intersection of humanness and electronics.""More and more people are talking about and working on menopause.""Orgasms improve your mental health."“In most cases, premium sex toys are bought by men for women.”"If you make intimacy the only goal, then bringing about change is very easy."---To get your hands on the sex toys in question: mysteryvibe.com The Women's Health article : This is the One Vibrator That Brought Back My Sex Drive While I Was Taking Antidepressants---Ready to go beyond the podcast and take action to transform your sex, dating, and relationship life? Just go to melaniecurtin.com/action and take the leap. We've got you.

Trauma recovery might not seem like the sexiest topic, but you guys, it is. When it comes to to having healthy, passionate, connected sex, dating, and love relationships, it's everything! You may have become aware (through, perhaps, this podcast) that you've likely got some childhood neglect or other kind of trauma background, and you may be wondering whether that's ever resolvable.The answer is YES. Even if you've been through the wringer. Which Michael Unbroken has. A survivor of poverty, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, and a whole lot more, he has serious legs to stand on when it comes to overcoming adversity. Now an expert on complex PTSD (cPTSD) and a life coach for trauma survivors, he asserts that:"The number one shift you can make in your healing journey is asking for help and getting the support that you need and deserve to break free of generational curses, childhood trauma, and the pain of the past."Amen.If you or someone you've dated has a trauma background, this is one you'll want to listen to.Memorable quotes from this episode:“You’re better off going in the wrong direction than no direction at all.”"Fear is the very thing that both keeps us safe and keeps us stuck. That’s a hard thing to reconcile.""Dating can be like warfare.""Go to professionals.""I absolutely love my life now."---The ACE survey mentioned on this episode (based on the Adverse Childhood Experiences study)Michael's site: https://www.thinkunbroken.com/Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here.

"I'm a comedian, and now I’m an accidental matchmaker!"So says Alli, self-proclaimed theater geek and creator of Love Isn’t Blind — a new dating show where 4 men compete for 1 woman, and the men can’t speak. She's also the creator of the dating show where celebrities read your breakup texts.What's especially interesting is that as someone reading hundreds of applications to her dating show, Alli has a fascinating breadth of experience when it comes to what men are looking for in women, and vice versa. As she says, "When you ask people what they want in a partner, it's revealing to hear what they lead with."Here we talk about sex, dating, relationships, being a wingwoman or wingman (hint: if you're in a relationship, your job isn't over! Help out a shy or introverted person and you'll feel great about yourself). We also discuss how hot men are who are openminded, working on themselves and "secretly in men's groups." ;)You'll want to listen to this fun and lively one!Memorable quotes from this episode:"In a post-pandemic world, there's a strong desire and real need for people to meet in person.""Looks are a weird thing." "There's a certain freedom men feel to talk to me about dating when I’m not on a date with them.""We’re all making the same mistakes!""I wanted something that would get people rowdy and meeting each other."Mentioned on this episode:allisongoldberg.comhowtobreakupbytext.com loveisntblind.co (Love Isn't Blind happens live ever first Friday in LA, and Alli is also launching a tour soon, so if you're interested in being kept up to date, sign up for her newsletter.)

One of the most inspiring things we've seen in our work with men is the rejuvenation of relationships. We've seen clients in long-term, committed relationships that felt flat, off, or just not exciting ... become vibrant and vivid again.We've seen couples get hot sex back! (often better than ever). We've seen closeness and intimacy be reestablished, often more intensely than had ever been true before.But before this renewal period, there was suffering. Often in the form of reverse polarity. Especially if you identify as a Nice Guy, you may have experienced reverse polarity in relationship -- where she's more in her masculine, and he's more in his feminine. This can be a painful place to be. Both people suffer.And the path back is not necessarily what you'd think. For example, men say, "I’ve been doing everything to please my partner, and it just seems to make it worse ... " because as it turns out, pleasing and appeasing her doesn't actually generate polarity.Or they say, "It's not exactly that there's something wrong, but we're not having sex. We watch movies, we go on walks, we get along ... but we don't have that spark."Here we talk about polarity, what it looks like when it's going well, what it looks like when it's not, and how to regenerate it when it's lost. Whether you're in a dating relationship or married, if you've ever experienced losing that erotic charge in your relationship and you didn't know how to get it back, this is one to listen to.Memorable quotes from this episode:"I wanted to do the right thing in my relationship, but I didn't know how. I was close to giving up. Shutting down. Pulling away.""Those feelings, that desire ... there’s something enlivening when we feel our partner wanting us.""We are slowly becoming the couple we dreamed about when we were dating."Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to transform it, break old patterns, and move forward in a real and lasting way, we can help. Take action here.