Unashamed Unafraid

Not all addicts begin their struggles in their childhood or youth. Jim’s addiction struggle started a little later in life. Married with a young family, his life began to change as he descended into addiction.Honesty is very difficult for addicts yet so crucial to the healing process. For Jim, being fully honest with himself and with those affected by his addiction came in waves. This struggle to be fully honest negatively affected his wife’s trust and intensified her betrayal trauma. Coming to terms and expelling the secrets was a process for Jim over a period of time. Jim speaks of the release and relief of no longer keeping secrets. Honesty truly starts the path to healing. Though sometimes a slow process, healing is real and attainable. Joy, peace, and release from pain can be found. Jim and Leisha share with the Unashamed Unafraid team a very personal journey of his struggle with addiction. They each give their perspective of how addiction affected their perception and personal relationship with God. They speak of hope, and healing.  All are worthy of this beautiful gift.If this episode resonates with you, or if you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to this episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

The entire U/U Crew meet to talk about 2021. What was everyone’s song of healing for the year? How many outsiders are there and just how is that non-profit doing? They each share their hearts and get vulnerable and real. No surprises there.The crew reveals their plans for 2022 as a group and individually.Thank you for everything you all do and for listening to this podcast. Happy New Year from the U/U Crew. We love you! - Steven, James, Chris, CT, Jason, Sway, Rachel, Cory and Cassy

Relationships: Communication, Conflict, and ConnectionDaniel is welcomed back to Unashamed Unafraid for a deep dive with Steve and Chris into something every relationship can improve on, communication.  Many of us have never had great examples of what healthy communication within relationships looks like. In this episode, therapist Daniel Burgess shares his four do’s and don’ts for healthy communication in our relationships.Daniel gained his unique perspective while working with contentious relationships in divorce court and developed the process he shares, which includes:1. Start by assuming the best from your partner.2. Incorporate the four Do’s and Don’tsDon’t - Prove, defend, convince, or retaliateDo Be: Clear, concise, confident, and caring3. Avoid the divorce equation, for example “if you loved me…”Daniel shares his personal experience of applying these tools in his own life and explains how they worked for him.  He discusses his perspective about the importance of having difficult conversations in front of our kids so they can see how it is possible to navigate through the messy.  He suggests that difficult conversations should be scheduled for a specific time, and duration.  And also stresses that these tools shouldn’t be used as an excuse for bad behavior nor to be used against the other person. Learning how to communicate is a process over time and involves perspective.  We are all craving empathetic connection.  This episode will help you in your relationships to better know your limits and learn to communicate difficult things in a loving way. You can find Daniel through his website at www.danielaburgess.com or by listening to his podcast ”Improving Intimacy.”If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

In our world today there is a lot of violence: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You see it almost everywhere. Too often our first reaction to harm or hurt is to put our dukes up and punch back or go running the other direction, fight or flight. Although both are generally good options for survival they aren’t always the best for recovery. One thing that many of us struggle with in recovery is being accountable and making repair. Saying a sincere “I’m sorry” is an important step. Beyond that is repair. This is where I make right the wrong, also known as step 9 if you’re working the 12 Steps.Turns out, I am still actively working recovery and still struggle with many of the things we talk about here at Unashamed Unafraid. This episode is about repair that I needed to make with my now friend, Daniel Burgess. I made assumptions about Daniel and chose to take his episode down. His first response in an e-mail to me, not great. So Dukes up? Or should I ignore him and write him off as crazy or a jerk? Instead something amazing happened, repair. We both got curious and opened our hearts and here is what happened. I hope this episode inspires you to get curious where you may have been judgmental and make repair where needed because it was a beautiful experience for me and my new friend Daniel.SteveRapper Host

“Where the hell are you, God?”This is a common question for those in pain and in the depths of struggle and darkness. Finding rock bottom can be a rough journey downward. The positive is that from rock bottom, one can only climb upward. The climb can be very difficult alone and is always easier with help from others.The reason addictions develop is because people are trying to cope with painful wounds - wounds of neglect, wounds of betrayal, wounds of isolation. What starts out as innocently dabbling for relief can quickly spiral out of control and leave one saying “How did I get to this point in my life?” Our turning point is often a powerful, humbling, and vulnerable experience with God, who is there with open arms ready to help. Sometimes, it may take years to reach this turning point. It is only with His help that we can rise above, find sobriety, and become a renewed and different person being able to break the chains of the past.Derek sits down with the Unashamed Unafraid team to share his very personal journey with addictions. He shares insight about his childhood, his early youth, and how certain experiences helped him initially brush the outskirts of addiction before more fully diving in. He speaks of his struggles with various addictions, and how he battled to find sobriety and recovery from each one. This listen is a very authentic and honest review of his life, his experiences, and how he found hope, and a relationship with God that has allowed for a brighter path in his life.If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

Have you ever heard the phrase once an addict, always an addict? I’ve certainly heard it during my lifetime. It is a creative bumper sticker to describe who you are—but is that truly who you are as a person? Chris, James, and Steve go on a journey with Doug Nielsen to find out what to do when you are wanting to take that next step, the step beyond recovery.I know some of us who are struggling (or have struggled) with an addiction are thinking, “I can’t even fathom what life looks like without addiction.” Well, what we need is a new identity after recovery. When we are recovered, we need to know who we are. Doug says, “It is impossible, over time, to behave differently than the way you see yourself. That is the governor of my behavior.” A lot of people who are struggling with addiction trade their true identities for the fake one that only focuses on the addiction. This is the way the enemy of our hearts works. The adversary wants to stifle our purpose in this life. He will attack the person who Heavenly Father sees in us.In fact, Doug talks about a client who said that he did not know who he was. Doug told him that the man he saw in the 15 minutes they had been together was a man, who is loved, who is courageous, and who fights for the underdog. The words that describe a person are the reason for their existence, their purpose, and the larger story. The most important phrase that Christ said was “I am…” He described himself in powerful ways. So, how can we find out who we are? We must take a risk. Life is full of risks. We believe things through fear or faith. They both have the same definition. We believe in something that cannot be seen but will ultimately happen.We must take life by the helm. This so happens to be the title of Doug’s book. Doug believes there are three things that we can do to jumpstart our progress into being recovered.We must slow down. We can do the 4-4-8 breathing exercise. It only takes a few seconds and will help us calm down.We need to listen. When we listen after we have slowed down, God will speak to us. He has a lot he wants to tell us. We have just taken that away from him by living a life at 64,000 RPMs. Our brains and bodies were not meant to live life that fast.We must act on it. The third one is the hardest to do, we often find ourselves falling back into the same routines because they are comfortable.There are great ways for us to listen. We must ask our friends, family, and Heavenly Father what three words describe us; our true selves. Then we take those three words and read them in the morning, throughout the day, and during the end of day evaluation. We think about those words constantly. We ask ourselves, “What examples of these words have I done today?” We will connect ourselves to these three words. If we take a 90 day challenge and apply these three words in our lives, we will become the three words. Bottom line, we must know our purpose. Doug ends by saying that we actually choose our purpose instead of discovering it. If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid. 

“Ultimate Poser”: That’s how Rob describes himself when he was at the height of his sexual addiction.  Take a listen as Steve and James start not at the beginning, but at the bottom of Rob’s story as he shares how working through fears and loss. Rob describes how ultimately his path led to him to discovering, not the guy not on either side of his poser life, but the third guy who God wanted him to be.  Rob was married with three children, working as an employee of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  He felt he had a testimony of the gospel and thought he was connecting with his wife yet at the same time continued to act out in his sexual addiction. He and his wife had begun the road to recovery but Rob was not changing. The moment he was caught by the police when soliciting a prostitute brought him to his therapist’s door in the middle of one of his sessions. After waiting hours to talk to his therapist, Rob was told in his therapy session, “you can either change your life or you will end it, it’s your choice.”Rob chose change. Deciding to be honest brought the realization of all of his fears.  In the aftermath, while sitting in his parents basement, he recognized he was still alive despite all of his pain. He somehow found the strength to ask, “What do I really believe in?”, “Who do I think I am?”, “What does God think of me?” and began to search for the answers.  Rob shares a tender experience how he witnessed the pain his choices and actions had inflicted on his wife.  Rob has found sobriety. Yet his story shows us life in recovery is not black and white. Healing brought divorce, then dating, and ultimately a beautiful second marriage.  On the other side of Rob’s poser life he speaks truth. With years of sobriety he has found a new purpose working as a therapist for Lifestar. Rob feels God has given him the gift to speak to the hearts of men about love and being worthy of God’s love.  Does Rob’s story of his former poser life resonate with you?   If you or someone you know is struggling with a sex addiction, Unashamed Unafraid is the podcast and website for you!  Please visit our website at unashamedunafraid.com or look us up on social media @UnashamedUnafraid

You may have heard the saying, “Once an addict always an addict.” But is it true? In the opinion of the UU crew, this statement is incongruent with Christ’s healing atonement. We believe that Christ can change people forever. Sometimes that change comes with the assistance of professional therapists and others, but ultimate healing is the work of Jesus Christ. Sam Teilemans believes that the language we use is powerful. For example, he says that it may be more helpful to say, “I struggle with addiction or addictive behavior” rather than identify as an addict. Steve and Chris sit down with Sam Teilemans to discuss the power of language as well as how a person who is struggling with addictive cycles can be free of unwanted behaviors.Sam’s therapeutic strategy involves working to remove shame from a person’s actions by asking questions about how they may have been feeling or “triggered” in a certain situation. This allows them to explore what lies beneath certain behaviors and possibly tap into subconscious emotions or thoughts.Sam explains the importance of tapping into the subconscious because he believes, “The conscious mind is the goal-setter, and the subconscious mind is the goal-getter.” He believes that when we consciously focus on a goal, the subconscious mind can get on board with that and will help us achieve what we desire. But when we decide to stop focusing on the goal our subconscious mind goes back to the way things were before. Since the subconscious mind drifts to what is natural, Sam works with his clients to figure out what their triggers are. Then he works to break default natural tendencies and reframe them so the subconscious has a new way of reacting toward what you are doing or experiencing. In this way, the subconscious carries out the goal of the conscious mind rather than working against it. This may be a new and different avenue of therapy for people to try who have struggled with addictive behaviors. The subconscious work that Sam does with his clients also involves trusting in Jesus Christ. Trusting that Christ is there to save, not condemn, those in this struggle. Science and the mind whether it is conscious or subconscious can only get you so far. Christ can truly free us from the shame and the guilt that happens after we have fed the addiction beast. Please have a listen to this amazing episode.If this episode resonates with you, or you know someone who might benefit from it, please feel free to share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.

At Unashamed Unafraid we share real stories with you that prove sexual addiction has no bounds of age, background, or gender, and that recovery is possible for anyone.  Yes, women struggle too and here is more proof as Ashlee, our 2nd female to share on the podcast, opens up about her struggle with sexual addiction.  We invite you to listen as Steve and Chris challenge Ashlee to abandon her notes and go off-script, sharing her story Unashamed-style, from the heart. Ashlee discusses how her addiction to pornography began after her parents gave her a smart phone when she was 12.  She describes the shame she felt as she struggled to live up to the “perfect child” image her parents had of her as she was growing up. In the middle of her teen years her family moved from their farm and homeschool lifestyle to a neighborhood where Ashlee found herself adjusting to a traditional high school.  As she sought for ways to numb out she plunged deeper in her addiction to pornography and masturbation.  She kept this a secret from everyone until one day her cousin opened up about a struggle she was having and this opened the door for Ashlee to finally share about her addiction.  She talked with her bishop and began making lifestyle changes that helped her stop viewing pornography.  However, about 6 months later, a surgery brought on new challenges for Ashlee in which she developed an eating disorder. Her desire to numb from her eating addiction drove her back to her pornography addiction.  Overwhelmed and feeling alone Ashlee searched for anyone she could relate to but couldn’t find any women who were open about having similar struggles. In her search she found Collin Kartchner’s podcast where Ashlee first shared her story publicly.  From there she was able to share her story through multiple venues but she felt like a hypocrite as she still secretly struggled with masturbation.  As Ashlee has come to understand God’s love for her, and as she has found other women who share similar struggles, she has started to find healing. Ashlee invites you to reach out to her through direct message on Instagram @ashleeayre.Resources: Daughters of Light, https://lifechangingservices.online/daughtersoflight Has Ashlee’s story hit home for you?  If you or someone you know is struggling with a sex addiction, Unashamed Unafraid is the podcast and website for you!  Please visit our website at unashamedunafraid.com or look us up on social media @UnashamedUnafraid.

Honesty in Relationships with Jennifer Finlayson-FifeSteve and James sit down with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife JFF and talk about what it means to be truly human; fully alive. Where does it all start? That dreaded word Honesty. Honesty is the foundation of being fully human and truly alive.But why do we shy away from being fully human if that is what all of us want? Don’t we want to be seen for who we are? Do we want to be a part of the larger story? Do we want to become the person that is perfect?Being perfect is not being human. JFF said, “I don’t blame us for wanting a world free of suffering. The path is not perfectionism. This will stunt our ability to become ‘Fully Human’. This (perfectionism)  is in complete opposition to the definition of being human.”Being human hurts. We see that from the example of the most human person ever to live, Jesus Christ. He was honest about everything in his life and yet people hated him for that. This is why most people decide to live in their own smaller story instead of God’s larger story. They don’t really want to be seen because it hurts too much. JFF says otherwise:“There is nothing that makes a spouse safer than honesty. They may not trust you. But, the moment that you come clean and are completely honest, it is the most safe place in your marriage.”When we let go of who we want people to think we are…perfect, we let go of the counterfeit self. We let go of the shame and guilt of not being able to live up to our (and other’s) expectations. We become fully human; seen, heard and loved. So, back to the question of should you be here? Does your life make a difference? Do you want to be fully seen and heard? The answer is a resounding YESJFF talks about so much more in this episode with Steve and James. You’ll love this episode. If you want more from JFF, please visit [Finlayson-Fife.com]. There are lots of resources for men and women. It is a self-paced course. She also has office hours and Facebook pages. This is a place with great support to other men and women as well. We also have scholarships for JFF’s courses: The Art of Desire https://www.finlayson-fife.com/courses/course/the-art-of-desire and The Art of Loving https://www.finlayson-fife.com/courses/course/the-art-of-loving Go to unashamedunafraid.com/scholarships and apply for your scholarship TODAY!If this episode resonates with you or you know someone who might benefit from it, please share the link to the episode with them. At Unashamed Unafraid, we are here to spread the words of hope and healing through Jesus Christ.  Please subscribe and follow us on Facebook and Instagram @UnashamedUnafraid.We are also a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization and have scholarships for those who can’t otherwise afford therapy, group therapy, A Warrior Heart Boot Camp, or the Heart of a Woman retreat. Please go to the website unashamedunafraid.com for more information on these scholarships and many other resources.