Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

The teenage years can feel incredibly unstable for both parents and adolescents. Today I share three pillars that can help your teen have a stable self concept even as their bodies, brains, and friends keep changing. Learn how important it is for your teen to know “I’m loved,” “I’ve got what it takes,” and “I can take responsibility”. As moms and dads, our interactions with our teens will either enhance or diminish each of these messages.   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood: https://amzn.to/3xi6uA8 Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/  

The teenage years are a time of radical change. But it’s not just our teenagers who must go through change. Parenting styles and roles rapidly evolve as our children move closer to adulthood. In this episode I discuss three different types of parenting styles. We review why the drill sergeant and the helicopter parent fail to prepare our teens for adulthood. Instead, we should aim to become consultants that empower our teens with greater responsibility and ownership of their actions. If this topic is helpful to you, I highly recommend you check out Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y I discussed this topic in more detail in a very early episode of Let’s Parent on Purpose: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/02/20/lpop-9-whatsyour-parenting-style/ Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents for Responsible Adulthood: https://amzn.to/3xi6uA8 Support Let’s Parent on Purpose! https://letsparentonpurpose.com/ support/  

This is last episode in a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Conflict increases when there is no compelling purpose or mission. Today we begin to re-vision your family as a multigenerational team on mission for the Lord. I share a couple actionable steps for helping your family discover your identity, mission, and strategy.   Key Points: 1. Our culture looks at families as springboards for individual success. We need to begin to view our family as a multigenerational team on mission. 2. Generations are not stuck. It only takes one generation in a family to turn to Jesus to start a new legacy. 3. A team needs an identity, a purpose, and a strategy. 4. To shape your family identity, develop a family mission statement. • As an example, here’s my family’s mission statement: God has blessed us with relationships, resources, and responsibility. We will use our gifts to enjoy life with Jesus and one another, and to heal a broken world through the love of Christ. 5. A simple strategy for your family to begin living on mission: start a weekly multigenerational meal. 6. Your new vision for family can help cure the disease of more and be the greatest force of discipleship in your household! Discussion Questions with your family after listening: 1. What was the most important thing you heard from this episode? 2. What do you think of the idea of your family being a multigenerational team on mission for Jesus? 3. How has God uniquely blessed your family in ways that could be a blessing to others? What are your treasures in relationships and resources? 4. Who are family members outside of your current household that you could pull in to your family team on mission? 5. Who are people in your life in need of a spiritual family that you could pull in to your team and mission? 6. Start to brainstorm what you would want to include in a family mission statement. How has God blessed you and what are specific ways you want your family to serve Jesus for decades if the Lord doesn’t return in your lifetime? 7. Could you start a weekly multigenerational meal? What night of the week would work best? Who could you invite? What are some things that would help make this night meaningful. For example - the Holland Family try’s to have a role for ever member of the meal, from lighting candles to sharing scripture to prayers of blessing. Over the meal we share our weekly highs and lows as well as something we are learning. What night of the week would work most consistently for you to have it? 8. When are you going to have your first multigenerational meal?   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y Episode 280: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/#cp-podcast-enc-container Episode 281: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/ Episode 282: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-282-communication-and-conflict-part-3-retooling/id1190973394?i=1000567017578   To explore this concept further check out my episode Your Family as a Team with Jeremy Pryor https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2021/06/13/ your-family-as-a-team-with-jeremy-pryor/  

This is part three of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Every family is going to have conflict. We need a better conflict toolbox to allow us to win the person and not the argument. Today we look at principles from Proverbs as well as Chris Voss’ book Never Split the Difference: Communicating Like Your Life Depends on it. I also share some of the most helpful marriage counseling advice I’ve ever been given.   Key Points:
 1. You’re going to have disagreements and conflict. You need a better conflict toolbox. 2. The vast majority of conflict work is done before the conflict. Refill the love bank! 3. People want to be understood and appreciated. 4. Tools for conflict: • Be a Mirror - Active listening and reflecting • Accusation Audit - Admit the ugly truth and state your worst case • Tactical Empathy - State their case and feelings in the best way you can (you don’t have to agree). • Getting to “that’s right” rather than “you’re right”! 5. The best way to win the conflict is to seek to win the person! 6. Marriage tips for “fighting fair” • Never use the words “always” or “never” • Stick to the subject even if it means you’re going to “lose” the argument • Make enough time for the discussion and take a time out if you need Discussion Questions with your family after listening: 1.What was the most important thing you heard from this episode? Remember to try to use the toolbox as we continue the questions Be a mirror - active listening and reflecting Accusation audit - admit the ugly truth and state your worst case Tactical Empathy - state the other side’s case and feelings as best as you can Getting to “That’s Right” instead of “Your Right” 2. One of the main points was “everyone wants be understood and appreciated.” Can you think of something in your household where you feel either misunderstood or unappreciated? Share the situation if you feel comfortable. Others in the group should practice listening and interacting using the toolbox. Stick to the subject and don’t switch topics in the middle. See if you can get to a place where one of the people listening can restate your case in such an accurate way that you say “That’s Right”. 4. Take a turn and let someone else go. 5. What do you think would be the most helpful tool in the toolbox to regularly use? 6. Are any of them confusing to you? 7. Do you feel like if you are appreciated and understood its easier to get past individual things that your family members might disagree on? Explain why or why not.   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   Episode 280: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/#cp-podcast-enc-container   Episode 281: https://www.christianparenting.org/podcasts-post/communication-and-conflict-part-2-refilling-the-love-bank/   Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As if Your Life Depended On It by Chriss Voss and Tahl Raz https://amzn.to/3sOiBDu  

This is part two of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Today’s episode focuses understanding the emotional love bank each family member has with one another. Once we learn the impact of deposits and withdraws, we can begin to build emotional security in our household relationships. We discuss applying the New Testament One Another’s to our family, identifying one another’s love languages, securing easy wins, and avoiding costly losses in our communication.   Key Points:
 1. The Love Bank/Tank represents the amount of positive emotional reserves you have for each relationship. 2. Everyone wants to feel noticed, loved, and appreciated. We get to be the hands, feet, and mouth of Jesus to one another in the home! 3. As a general rule, people need to hear 5-10 affirmations for every cirque, otherwise they become insecure and resentful. 4. The Five Love Languages are helpful in understanding how individuals give and receive love. Your family will benefit if you know which ones each member values the highest: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, Words of Affirmation. 5. Go for the easy wins and avoid the easy loses! Parents need to eliminate cut-downs and comparisons. Teens need to understand that lying breaks trust and relationships. 6. A full love bank allows for a secure relationship.   Discussion Questions with your family after listening:   What was the most important thing you heard in this episode? If you’re being honest, how would you describe your love tank with each member of your family right now? Why do you say this? Have you ever thought about how you’ve been called to be the hands, feet, and mouth of Jesus so they can feel secure in the Lord? What do you think about that? When it comes to the five love languages, what ones help you feel loved the most? Which ones are the ways you most often try to express your love to others? Remember the languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gift Giving, and Words of Affirmation. What’s a specific way that your family members could help you feel more loved? What’s an easy win way that someone can make a deposit into your love tank? Take a time to encourage one another. What are a few specific things that you like about the people in your family? If they are in your group make sure you tell them! Finish out by praying for each other!   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   For more detail on the Love Bank, check out my article “The Love Bank”: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2017/10/30/the-love-bank/   His Needs Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last by Willard F Harley Jr. https://amzn.to/3LDu92N   The Five Love Languages: Secrets to Love That Last by Gary Chapman https://amzn.to/3LzKztg  

This is part one of a four part series to help parents and teens improve their communication and reduce conflict. It’s adapted from a parent/teen retreat and includes small group questions you help you process the material as a family. Today’s episode focuses on understanding the spiritual warfare behind many household conflicts and gives you tools for overcoming.   Key Points: 1. You have an enemy, and it’s not your family. 2. The combat theater is your mind. Satan’s weapon is your flesh, and your weapon is the armor of God. 3. The next combat theater is your family. Your family is not the enemy, they are the battle prize. Satan’s weapon is pride and your weapon is grace.   Remember, healing grace is a two way street but it starts with one person making the step of faith!   Discussion Questions with your family after listening: 1. What was the most important thing you heard in this podcast? 2. Is the concept of spiritual warfare in the family new to you? 3. What seems to be the greatest battlefield to you right now, your mind or your family? Why? 4. Can you see where pride has caused resentment and division in the relationships in your family? In what way? 5. Can you think of a practical way that grace could change the tone in your house? How so? 6. What do you need to do with what you heard today? When are you going to do it?   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y If you like this episode, check out Episode 138 - Spiritual Warfare in the Home https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/09/08/spiritual-warfare-inthe-home/  

This year our family has been stretched and scattered. We have experienced significant disorientation as we walk through a leukemia relapsed. To combat the disorientation, we are developing a new practice of a Family Sabbath Dinner. After years of toying with the idea, talking about it with others, we are finally doing it. Today I want to walk you through what our Family Sabbath Liturgy looks like. This is my own personal modified version, designed to help take some of the awkwardness out of the meal as well as giving each participant a meaningful role. As you follow along my walkthrough, my prayer is that you realize that you can also do this! Jesus tells us that the Sabbath was made for man, and it’s time we reclaimed this gift as we invite Jesus to the feast!   If you find this compelling, check out the links in “Resources Mentioned” for my Sabbath Liturgy as well as a couple of other versions.   This is the fourth episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   If you like this episode, check out Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/01/02/ centering-on-christ-in-the-midst-of-chaos-with-virgil-tanner/   Sabbath Dinner Liturgies: My version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/9ee6x0p95ghl6x1/ Sabbath%20Family%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0 Virgil Tanner’s Version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/oxzdh5p6b8k2cq3/ Sabbath%20Dinner%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0 Stovall and Kerrie Weems’ Version: https://www.dropbox.com/s/ oxzdh5p6b8k2cq3/Sabbath%20Dinner%20Liturgy.pdf?dl=0

How do you measure a good day? What are the things you can control when everything feels out of control? As we walked through a month of ICU hospitalization with our son for his bone marrow transplant, he was unable to even leave his room for 28 days. To keep from focusing on the isolation and sickness, we developed a plan to measure a “good day”. No matter what happened in a day, if we could do most of these things, we can say that it was a day well spent. A good day. On todays episode, I walk through the following list, explaining how these items helped the doctors describe my son’s mindset as “the model patient”. If these items work for you in an isolated hospital, you can trust they will help you make the most of the blessedly “normal” days in your life as well!   What makes up a Good Day? - Time with God - Train my body - move! - Eat intentionally - Encourage someone - Learn something - Play - Talk to a friend - Tell people I love them   This is the third episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   If you like this episode, check out Centering on Christ in the Midst of Chaos with Virgil Tanner: https://letsparentonpurpose.com/2022/01/02/ centering-on-christ-in-the-midst-of-chaos-with-virgil-tanner/

Sometimes I feel the pressure to fix all of the broken things in my family and friends. It’s especially paralyzing when you cannot see what God is doing. In this devotional form John 5, we see that Jesus did nothing of his own initiative, but only what he saw His Father already doing. If the Son of God only worked in areas where He could see his Father working, shouldn’t we enjoy the freedom of following His example? God doesn’t need us to join his work, but he wants us to. As we join the Father, we grow in character and skill. We go from knowing about God to knowing God. And the more time we spend working with our Father, the more we become like our Father. This is the second episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.   Resources Mentioned:   Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God: https://amzn.to/ 37jJJTa          

What would happen if you had to live without 95 percent of your “stuff”? That’s exactly what our family has been experiencing as we live in a rental house for a couple of months. The conclusion: we are just fine. It’s led me to think about how much stress and anxiety we normally live under because of our accumulation of stuff and commitments. How do we fightback to simplify our lives so that we can truly live in the freedom Jesus gives us?This is the first episode in my “Upside Down Insights” series. Birthed out of our bone marrow transplant journey, these are insights God has given me as our world turned upside down.   Resources Mentioned: Sign up for my Things for Thursday Email: https://tinyurl.com/292kv68y   If this topic interests you, check out Richard Foster’s Freedom ofSimplicity: Finding Harmony in a Complex World: https://amzn.to/3OdR9bn