ON BOYS Podcast

Do you know what sensory processing disorder (SPD) is?  Many parents (and teachers) don't, but 5-15% of all children exhibit symptoms of SPD, which affects how they learn, socialize and interact with the world. It's possible that your child has a sensory processing problem that you haven't yet recognized as an issue with available & effective interventions. Nancy Peske, aka The Sensory Smart Parent, is a co-author of Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues. She's also the mother of a son who has SPD. Nancy Peske According to Nancy, children who have sensory processing issues may: Have problems eating (particular textures may bother them, for instance) Be overly sensitive to stimulation -- or under-sensitive to stimulation Struggle with body awareness and control Exhibit language delays Constantly seek movement Be easily overwhelmed and distracted Have difficulty with reading and fine motor control For some reason, the bodies and brains of people with sensory  issues process sensory stimuli differently than most people. Their experience of the world is very different, and that can lead to misunderstanding. The more you know about sensory processing challenges, the better prepared you'll be to recognize and respond to the symptoms. In this episode, Janet, Jen & Nancy discuss: What sensory processing is Signs & symptoms of sensory processing disorder Why you should always trust your instincts (Got concerns about your child's development? Talk to your pediatrician. Keep pushing. Ask for an evaluation.) How to find help for children with sensory challenges Sensory diets Interventions to help children with sensory processing issues How movement helps boys with sensory issues The role of "heavy work" in manage sensory processing disorder How the changing expectations of childhood may be contributing to a rise in SPD diagnoses Screen time and sensory processing disorder (Spoiler: "Kids with sensory issues often have a different relationship with technology than you might expect," Nancy says. "It's often helping them learn.") How teachers can accommodate sensory processing issues Why recess should NEVER be taken away from children with sensory challenges Classic children's games that can help kids with sensory issues Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: sensorysmartparent.com -- Nancy's website (includes links to all her social channels) Raising a Sensory Smart Child: The Definitive Handbook for Helping Your Child with Sensory Processing Issues, by Nancy Peske & Lindsey Biel Helping Boys with Sensory Issues -- 2016 Building Boys interview with Nancy Sensory Processing Disorder Symptoms Checklist Balancing Screen Time for Boys & Kids with Sensory Issues -- YouTube video featuring Nancy & Jen Creating an Inclusive Classroom -- Scholastic Teacher article by Jen; mentioned at 28:17 STAY CONNECTED: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on “Understanding Boys Better – and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever” and  BuildingBoys.net Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

As we in the United States celebrate our nation's independence, we reflect on our boys' drive for independence.  Toddlers cry, "I do it!" when we attempt to put on their clothes. Our teens scowl when we tell them what time to be home. Their frustration -- toddlers' & teens' alike -- is driven by their desire for mastery and control. Children are wired to learn. They're wired to gradually take on more and more responsibility. "Kids," Jen reminds us, "have an innate drive for independence. You can use that to your advantage." Of course, it's not always easy for adults to release control. Our boys' judgement seems questionable at times (often, in some cases!). We worry for their safety. And sometimes, we simply don't recognize that our little ones are capable of more. We don't see the ways in which our well intentioned actions may be handicapping our boys' development. It's never too late to begin giving your boys more independence. In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: Age-appropriate responsibilities Why ages 0-7 is the perfect time to introduce skills & healthy habits (Spoiler: O-7 is the Age of Imitation) Why investing in right-sized tools is a great investment in your child's development How to make time to allow your child to develop his skills How building a child's independence prevents entitlement and apathy Why it's so hard to give our boys autonomy How to get buy-in from older boys who aren't used to managing their own affairs How to deal with resistance Dealing with the heartache & pain of letting go Independence vs interdependence Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Why Boys Need More Independence -- Building Boys post Parenting: Raise Independent Children -- excelled Psychology Today post 5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting - Janet's online course; mentioned at 12:20 How to Deal with an Unmotivated Boy -- one of Building Boys' most popular posts Hygiene Help for Tween & Teen Boys -- On Boys episode 120; mentioned at 15:30 The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, by William Stixrud PhD & Ned Johnson  Waldorf Education turns 100 this year.  Find out more about Waldorf Education here:  https://www.waldorfeducation.org/ STAY CONNECTED: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on “Understanding Boys Better – and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever” and  BuildingBoys.net Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Ahhhh, summer! Relaxed lazy days....oh, who are we kidding?!? For most parents in the Northern hemisphere, summer is a time of stress. The kids are home from school and the parents have to somehow juggle their regular work schedule while also trying to keep their kids engaged, active and on screens for less than 12 hours a day. Navigating summer responsibilities and expectations is a challenge for the whole family. If we can give you one piece of advice, it's this: Relax your standards. You don't have to take the kids to the pool weekly. Your kids can stay up later; strict bedtimes really aren't as important if the kids don't have to be anywhere in the morning. PJs are perfectly acceptable summer attire, at least sometimes. And no one -- seriously: no one -- is expecting a gourmet meal every night. Focus your attention on what's important to you and your children instead. Our summer tips will help you do just that. In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: Common summer challenges Why boredom is perfectly OK (in fact, it's important!) Balancing scheduled vs unscheduled activity How to prevent "summer slide" (loss of academic skills) Fun FREE activities Summer jobs for kids (even kids younger than 16) Summer schedules Recording summer memories Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Surviving Summer -- classic Building Boys post Kids Bowl Free -- 2 free games of bowling daily for registered children at participating centers Planet Fitness Teen Challenge -- high school teens ages 15 - 18 can work out at any of  1,800 locations throughout the United States and Canada for FREE all summer long Free Meals -- No Kid Hungry runs a summer meals texting service. Text ‘FOOD’ to 877-877 to find free summer meals sites in your neighborhood. On Boys Episode 117: Summer Jobs On Boys Episode 114: Sleepovers, Camp & Separation Anxiety On Boys Episode 118: Business Tips for a 12-Year-Old Entrepreneur Keeping Bored Boys Occupied During the Summer Holidays -- Building Boys post Summer Safety: Preventing Injuries -- Building Boys post   STAY CONNECTED: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report on "Understanding Boys Better - and Why He Needs You Now More Than Ever" and  BuildingBoys.net Also, follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetallison/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferlwfink/Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

What do you get when you mix two fitness- and outdoors-minded dads with two moms who are staunch advocates for boys? A freewheeling discussion that touches on everything from fatherhood to weapons play and the current lack of movement in schools. Janet met Jaremy Day, co-host of the podcast Backcountry & Barbells, when she spoke at an event in Washington state. As a former boy and current dad of 2 boys & a girl, he's all too familiar with the challenges facing boys today. His co-host, Joe Szymanek (pronounced Sh-mon-ek), is also a father. He has three young children (one is a boy) and also teaches middle school. Despite the fact that they are both former boys & current parents of boys, neither Joe nor Jaremy were really aware of the obstacles and challenges that make life difficult for boys -- until Joe discovered Christina Hoff Sommers & The War on Boys via Joe Rogan and Jaremy heard Janet speak. Think about that: we are a culture that pins so much blame on individual boys that even men and boys aren't aware of all of the ways school and society work against boys' interests. All too often, boys, parents & teachers think the problem lies within the boy, without recognizing the many ways we've all contributed to the problem. For instance, in many schools, students who do not have PE that particular day stand or move for less than one hour a day. (Joe actually calculated this out with his students.) Growing children who NEED movement to develop their bodies and minds are denied the opportunity to move and often punished if they do so out of turn. (Raise your hand if your son has ever gotten in trouble for wiggling or squiggling or refusing to stay on the rug in the classroom.) via GIPHY In this episode, Janet, Jen, Jaremy & Joe discuss: The value of outdoors time & play The war on boys How schools contribute to boys' struggles Corporal punishment The influence of coaches Creating a culture of movement (including specific ideas parents & teachers can use at home or in the classroom) Screen time (because a group of parents cannot come together today without touching on screen time!) The plight of high-energy boys Hunting and guns Weapons play Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Backcountry & Barbells -- Jaremy & Joe's podcast StandUpKids.org -- website mentioned at 13:58 NASP -- National Archery in Schools Program Joe Rogan Experience #724: Christina Sommers -- podcast episode mentioned at 5:03 The War Against Boys: How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men, by Christina Hoff Sommers -- book mentioned at 5:43 Hudson Highlands Nature Museum -- includes the Grasshopper Grove natural playground mentioned around 37:45Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

The Boy Code. The Man Box. Whatever you want to call it, our boys are constrained by a largely unspoken set of expectations that exert pressure on them to behave and act in certain ways. Jonathon Reed helps boys -- and others -- understand and question these expectations. His podcast, Breaking the Boy Code, features real boys talking about their real, lived experiences. Reed adds the voices and insights of experts to each episode, and it's impossible to listen to even one episode and not be moved by the plight of boys and men. It's impossible to listen and not learn something. Jonathon Reed, creator of Breaking the Boy Code podcast, & friend While many people talk about boys, Jonathon talks with boys. He gives them a safe space to explore their thoughts and experiences of masculinity, and he gives them a venue to share their insights with others. For instance, after reports of sexual assault and hazing at St. Michael's College in Toronto made international news, Jonathan asked boys about their experience. Was the episode at St. Michael's an aberration, or something boys commonly experience? Why does hazing persist? How does it affect boys? The resulting episode, In That Moment You're Scared: Boys & Hazing, is a must-listen. Seriously: if you are raising boys, teaching boys or coaching boys, you need to go listen to it. Right now. (We'll wait.) As a child, Jonathon says, "I got told everyday, 'The way you're being a boy is not okay.'" Today, he helps boys understand that it's perfectly okay to be themselves. In this episode, Janet, Jen & Jonathon discuss: Hazing Building relationships with boys The Boy Code How to help boys handle social stereotypes and peer pressure Why you need to know what's going on in your son's life How to talk to boys about social expectations -- & how to support them when they want to step beyond the norm The search for safety How boys' experience & express emotion How to equip boys to handle spaces with no supervision (such as locker rooms) Why you shouldn't take your boy's moods personally Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Breaking the Boy Code podcast In That Moment You're Scared: Boys & Hazing -- Episode 1 of Breaking the Boy Code Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys, by Adam Cox -- book mentioned at 24:21 Next Gen Men -- a Canadian-based nonprofit organization engaging, educating, and empowering men and boys around gender in schools, communities, and workplaces Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, by William Pollack -- the first book by the author mentioned at 14:50Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Do you have a son heading off to college or university this fall? How about in the future? The more you know about the college search and admission process, the easier this transition will be -- for your son, for you and for your entire family. Dr. Pamela Ellis, author of What to Know Before they Go and founder of Compass College Advisory, has helped many families navigate college preparation and the transition from high school to university. She says that lack of knowledge -- the "unknown" -- complicates the process, causing unnecessary anxiety and stress. She also reminds us that one of the most important questions we can ask our college-bound kids is "Why?" -- as in, Why are you going to college? What do you hope to get from the experience? That question might seem extremely simplistic, but it's crucial. Your child's answer will help him focus his energies and find the path that's most appropriate for him. It may also highlight a disconnect. If your expectations, hopes and dreams for your child's college experience are radically different than your child's, one (or both of you) is bound to be disappointed. Better to have these conversations in advance! Pamela also encourage us to take a holistic view of college preparation. When your child is in middle school, developing social skills and taking some tentative steps toward independence (by gradually assuming more responsibility, for instance) IS college prep. Children also need to learn how to spend time alone. High school students should develop self-advocacy skills and increasing self-awareness. Teenagers must be in charge of college planning, Pamela says. Your child may benefit from your guidance and experience, but ultimately, your child should lead. If you're having a hard time letting go or are concerned about some of your child's choices, Pamela suggests involving a third party, such as a teacher, coach or guidance counselor who's already a part of your child's life. "Kids hear things differently from their parents than they do from a third party," she says. "They could say the same thing that you're saying but somehow it just sounds totally different when they say it than when you say it as a parent." In this episode, Janet, Jen & Pamela discuss: Why the summer between high school and college is particularly challenging for teens & their parents -- and how to make it easier Why YOU need to be confident when your son is leaving home What parents of middle-schoolers need to know about college How an interest inventory can help your child create a realistic post-high school plan How reading for pleasure prepares kids for college and beyond How to minimize stress in the college preparation process Why visiting colleges too soon is a very bad idea Managing college costs 4 key features to ensure that a college is the right fit Gap years (and why a gap year may be a particularly good idea for boys!) How working with an independent college counselor can save you time & money How to find a trustworthy, ethical college consultant Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: What to Know Before They Go: College Edition -- Pamela's book Compass College Advisory -- Pamela's website. Includes lots of FREE, helpful information about college preparation Want Your Son to Succeed in College (& Life)? Do This -- classic BuildingBoys blog post Will He Ever Grow Up?! - OnBoys episode mentioned at 26:45 AmeriCorps - gap year option mentioned at 27:30 (AmeriCorps programs are community service oriented and include a living stipend) How to Find the Right College: 5 Key Steps to Helping Your Teen Find the Right College Without Stressing Through the Process -- Pamela's webinar, mentioned at 30:45 IECA (Independent Educational Consultants Association)Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Boys interact differently than girls do. Sure, some of that is socialization. (A lot of that is probably socialization.) But the fact remains: boys' interactions on the playground, in school and at home are different than girls'. The way boys greet and play with one another is different than the way girls do so -- and if you're a mom or teacher of boys, odds are good that you've never been a boy yourself and don't understand the nuances of male interaction. Most boys naturally pick up these nuances. But some kids, particularly children with ADHD or autism, do not. These kids need extra assistance and support as they learn social skills. Unfortunately for our boys, many of people who do that work are middle-aged females who don't "speak" tween or teenage boy. Ryan Wexelblatt does. Ryan Wexelblatt Ryan is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in working with boys. He's also the father of a 21 year old son. Raising a son ignited Ryan's interest in teaching social skills to boys -- and highlighted the need to teach social skills from a male perspective. (Did you know that the vast majority of people who teach social skills are women, while the vast majority of kids who require help with social skills are boys?) "These boys were learning social communication skills that weren't organic to the way boys their age spoke to each other," Ryan says. "It was overly formal, it was a lot of scripted behavior." Essentially, he says, many boys who were receiving formal social skills training "were being taught to speak like middle-aged women" -- which wasn't doing them any favors on the playground. Ryan helps boys navigate friendships and social situations. Listen & learn how you can support your boys' social development. In this episode, Jen & Ryan discuss: Male/male social communication How to differentiate disrespect from "roasting" & sarcasm The importance of perspective-taking skills (& how to teach them) Appropriate vs. needs-some-support social behavior Signs of social problems The difference between social anxiety and social learning challenges Signs and symptoms of social anxiety How to help boys with social anxiety Why accommodating social anxiety is the absolute wrong thing to do (& what to do instead) How to talk to your child about learning differences Techniques you can use to reinforce and teach social skills How to develop boys' social problem solving skills -- so they can solve playground and friendship disputes on their own! Why trusting your instincts is a better option than soliciting parenting advice online Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Ride The Wave Counseling -- Ryan's counseling service (includes info about online coaching and his summer camp) ADHD Dude -- the online home of Ryan's ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group, and will soon feature an Executive Function class for parents as well as a Social Skills class for boys socialthinking.com -- includes lots of free articles about social, emotional & mental health Dudes Learn Social -- Ryan's series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boysAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Daniel Hooker via Flickr   When do boys grow up? That question tends to elicit a chuckle; ask it in a group of middle-aged women, and you're likely to hear someone joke about their not-yet-grown husband. Ask it in a group of men, and well, you'll hear much the same thing. But to anxious parents, the when do they grow up? question is anything but funny. Parents of teenage boys wonder if their won't-listen, leaves-his-clothes-all-around-the-house-and-never-wants-to-do-anything-but-play-video-games boys will ever turn into responsible young men who can hold down a job. Parents of toddlers wonder if they'll ever be potty-trained, and parents of preschool boys wonder if their guys are prepared for kindergarten. Moms, in particular, are often anxious about their sons' futures. That's because females, in general, worry into the future, Janet says. We look at what's right in front of us and wonder how that will affect situations we see looming in the future. Which is reasonable, right? When you anticipate what's coming, you can prepare for it. But only to a certain extent. The future is always uncertain, and sometimes our worry about what might happen in the future keeps us from enjoying and appreciating the present. Of course, our worries aren't unfounded. There's plenty of reasons to worry about boys' preparation for the future. Consider these stats: Boys are less likely to succeed in school than girls Boys are more likely to get in trouble at school Boys are less likely to graduate from high school & less likely to attend college Boys are less likely to work in high school and college Men ages 18-24 are more likely to live with their parents than their female counterparts Males Develop at a Different Pace Boys' and girls' brains and bodies develop according to unique timetables. At birth, newborn boys are developmentally about 2 weeks behind newborn girls. Girls typically develop fine-motor control and verbal skills before boys do, and boys' gross-motor skills tend to develop before their fine-motor skills. By school age, girls generally are able to sit and listen for a longer period of time than boys. Females' brain tend to mature years before males' brains. The prefrontal cortex -- the part of the brain that controls impulsivity and organization -- doesn't fully develop until age 25 in men, compared to age 21 for women. Unfortunately, our expectations don't always match our boys' development. If parents and teachers expect a 6-year-old boy to sit and read quietly for 20 minutes, they're likely to be disappointed; the part of the brain that handles language matures much later in boys than in girls, so many 6-year-old boys are not yet independent readers, and most struggle to sit still for longer than a few minutes. Boys who don't meet developmentally inappropriate expectations aren't "bad;" they've simply been asked to do something they're not yet ready to do. It's much easier to work with boys' natural timetable. It's a LOT easier -- and a lot less frustrating -- to teach reading to a boy who is ready to read. In the meantime, you can  read aloud to your son, for instance, while his brain continues to grow and mature. You can point out letters and squiggle them in the sand during play. And you can educate others about boys' developmental timetable. How to Support Boys' Development Don't compare your son to others Recognize that he can do more than you may be allowing him to do Let your son take risks Wait before "rescuing" your son Involve boys in household work Teach/role model interpersonal and communication skills Connect them to the adult world Discuss opportunities Relax Delight in your son In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: How worry can steal happiness in the present, and affect our relationship with our boys Male development Why it's important to understand the difference between expectations and reality Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Veronique Debord-Lazaro via Flickr We recently put out a call for listener questions, and boy, did you send 'em to us! Deanna asked: about the struggle of trying to find the perfect balance of keeping your boys busy enough to stay out of trouble, yet not overscheduled Erin asked us how to handle a "chatty" son who insists he's the one being unfairly targeted at school: Our son is almost 10, and in 4th grade. We've always heard report card feedback of "we know that he can talk and get his work done at the same time, but he needs to respect the fact that other students are disrupted by his talking." Ok, I get it -- I heard the exact same feedback on my report cards. We're chatty people! But now we're getting negative reports that are more serious because when he is asked to stop talking or joking around in class/after care, he is defiant, keeps doing what he's doing, and then tries to talk back when he gets a consequence. And when we talk to him about it, he acts like a victim who is unfairly persecuted...He'll argue with his teachers that his behavior isn't that bad, and that they're just being hard on him.  We're not sure how to handle this. He has certainly talked back to us at home before many times, and we feel like we know what to do about it. But he has NEVER been disrespectful to his teachers...Any advice would be lovely! Penny asked a related question: When is "disrespect" really DISRESPECT? How much attention, energy and punishment should we devote to it? Is it that they really need to be listened to and understood without judgement? In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: The myth of "perfect balance" Balancing your sons' need for activity with your family schedule The culture of busyness How to help a son who doesn't accept responsibility for his behavior and blames others instead Emotional development of 9- and 10-year old boys How to effectively collaborate your son's teacher to solve behavioral challenges (Hint: Involve your son!) How to differentiate between "disrespect," thoughtless behavior and sarcasm Dealing with disrespect How to discuss respect and disrespect with your son (Note: You need to be very, very concrete! What does respect look like? What is disrespect?) Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: You Asked About Age 14, Implicit Bias and Sensitive Boys (Listener Q & A) -- On Boys Episode 144 Help! My Son Has a Girlfriend (Listener Q & A) -- On Boys Episode  127 Lying, Risk & How to Advocate for Boys (Listener Q & A) -- On Boys Episode 113 Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q & A) -- On Boys Episode 112 Emails and Phone Calls From Teachers -- On Boys Episode 131 (includes the story about Sam's struggle w his art teacher, as mentioned at 8:56) Helping Boys Deal with Negative Stereotypes -- On Boys episode mentioned at 10:59 How to Advocate for Your Son - The live webinar with Janet has aired but you'll get the replay when you register. Boys Alive FB Group BuildingBoys FB GroupAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this engaging discussion, Michael C. Reichert, a psychologist and grandfather, shares insights from his experience as the founding director of the Center for the Study of Boys' and Girls' Lives. He emphasizes the importance of making boys feel known and loved to combat societal issues tied to masculinity. Reichert tackles misconceptions around toxic masculinity, arguing for emotional connection as vital for boys' development. He advocates for nurturing vulnerability and compassion, helping parents foster resilience and healthy identities in their sons.