ON BOYS Podcast

Talking about boys and sex can be uncomfortable. But if want our boys (and girls and non-binary children) to have healthy, safe, fulfilling sexual relationships, it's essential. And there's the hitch, right? A lot of us don't even want to think about our children having sexual relationships -- and when we do talk to our kids about sex, it's typically because we don't want them to become pregnant, we don't want them to get a disease, and we don't them to be hurt or arrested. Rarely is our focus on helping our children develop the skills and knowledge they'll need to engage in healthy, safe and fulfilling sexual relationships. That's a mistake, says Peggy Orenstein, author Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity. When we avoid these conversations, our children get their sexual education elsewhere -- often, from porn. Contrary to her expectations when she began reporting the book, Peggy found that boys were "insightful narrators" of their lives and experiences. Boys are acutely aware of the issues that affect them, of the "rules" that govern their behavior and social success and of society's evolving definition of masculinity. The #MeToo movement has inspired a lot of conversation about gender and sexual violence, and given us all the opportunity to rethink the spoken and unspoken messages our society sends boys. "It's not just a time to reduce sexual violence," Peggy says. "It's a crack in the edifice where we can engage boys in a more positive way about sex, intimacy, masculinity and gender dynamics." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Peggy discuss: Common preconceptions about boys How the #MeToo movement has created openings for conversation with our boys Hookup culture The current status of sex ed in school (only 10 states require that their sex education programs must be medically-accurate!) Boys' skewed perceptions of bodies and sex Why boys say "hilarious" all the time Preparing boys to speak out when they see bad behavior -- & why they might not, in spite of their best intentions How rigid gender norms harm boys Broadening boys' emotional vocabulary Dads as the "gender police" Supporting fathers as they connect and communicate with their sons The role of vulnerability in human relationships How drinking -- and socialization -- warp boys' assumptions about girls' activity and intentions The difference between a "bad hookup" and sexual assault Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity -- Peggy's book peggyorenstein.com -- Peggy's website; includes a list of resources to help you talk to your kids about sex Will We Ever Figure Out How to Talk to Boys About Sex? -- New York Times article by Peggy "Boys & Sex" Reveals that Young Men Feel "Cut Off From Their Hearts" -- Peggy discussing her book on Fresh Air The Fine Line Between a Bad Date and Sexual Assault: 2 Views on Aziz Ansari -- NPR story about the incident Peggy mentions at 25:23 Teaching Boys Social Skills -- ON BOYS episode featuring Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD expert mentioned at 37:02 Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between: The New and Necessary Conversations Today's Teenagers Need to Have About Consent, Sexual Harassment, Healthy Relationships, Love and More, by Shafia Zaloom -- book Peggy calls "absolutely a foundational text for parents & teenagers" Talk to Boys About Sex with Amy Lang -- ON BOYS episode 110 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Approximately 3-10% of children have ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder). Many of them -- the majority, in fact -- are boys. Today's guest, Ryan Wexelblatt (aka ADHD Dude) describes ADHD as "an executive function developmental delay." What that means: In all humans, the brain's prefrontal cortex (or "frontal lobe") acts as the operating system for the brain. It controls impulses, understand time and helps us weigh the potential consequences of our actions. In kids who have ADHD, the prefrontal cortex is about 30% behind the rest of the brain, developmentally. So, a 12 year old with ADHD may well act and behave more like a typical 9 year old. The frontal lobe is the home of our "brain coach," that internal voice that gives us feedback and suggestions throughout the day. When he explains ADHD to kids, Ryan tells them, "the volume on your brain coach is turned down a little." Unfortunately for many boys (and their families), a lot of people still misunderstand ADHD. Making matter worse is the fact that "school is not designed with the male brain in mind," as Ryan says. On top of that, many people consider ADHD a mental health issue, not a learning disorder. That conceptualization makes things harder for our boys, who face social stigma and internal shame. Often, their parents are judged as well; too often, educators and others consider ADHD a "character flaw" or the result of poor parenting. The answer, however, is not to ignore or deny any professional or educator who suggests your son might have ADHD. "We're talking about how your son's learning and social relationships may be impacted," Ryan says. If a professional sees signs of ADHD in your child, it's almost always a good idea to have your child evaluated holistically. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ryan discuss: The 3 subtypes (different presentations) of ADHD The link between ADHD and executive function Why kids with ADHD struggle with time management -- & giving attention to tasks that don't interest them How ADHD affects adults, children & families Differentiating "typical boy behavior" from ADHD How ADHD affects learning ADHD's effect on emotional regulation Social learning challenges related to attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder How to help children w ADHD develop perspective-taking skills Should intellectually advanced but socially immature boys start school, or wait a year? Misdiagnosis of ADHD Explaining ADHD to kids ADHD diagnosis Other conditions that cause ADHD-like symptoms Connections between ADHD & depression, anxiety, autism spectrum disorder and more To medicate or not medicate? Making decisions about ADHD treatment Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group  Dude Talk playlist — Ryan’s series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boys Teaching Boys Social Skills -- Ryan's previous ON BOYS episode Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) -- program recommended by Ryan at 26:42 Parent Management Training (PMT) -- program recommended by Ryan at 26:52 ADDitude magazine  -- be sure to check out Ryan's weekly columns ADHD Resources Recommended by Ryan: Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley No-Drama Discipline: The Whole Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself by Dr. Adam Price Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy & Resilient Boys by Michael Gurian The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups by Leonard Sax LIKE THIS EPISODE?Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Is honesty the best policy?  Not necessarily, says Judi Ketteler, author of Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies. If Judi's name (and voice) sound familiar to you, it's because she's been on the podcast before: in Oct. 2018, she talked to us about parenting risk-taking boys. (Her son, Maxx, is into Gtramp, an extreme trampoline sport.) We all want our boys to be decent, honest human beings, but the truth is, honesty isn't a black-and-white issue. As Judi learned, there are a whole host of reasons why people lie: We want others to like us. We don't want to hurt someone's feelings. We want to avoid a conflict. We're protecting someone (or something). In some cases, lying is healthy -- so telling our kids to be honest all the time is actually a bit hypocritical because our kids see and hear us lying. Believe it or not, a big part of maturity is figuring out when and how to lie. "We think that our kids grow out of lying, but actually they grow into lying," Judi says. If you really want to raise honest, moral children, begin by investigating your own relationship with honesty. "There's such power in saying, 'I'll start with me,'" Judi says. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Judi discuss: Why kids -- and adults -- lie How lying  behavior changes as humans grow Prosocial lying, or lying for the benefit of others Helping kids be honest and moral online Why you should "engage at the level of reality they're looking for" How to handle Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny What to do when you know your child is lying to you The connection between shame, lying and honesty Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies -- Judi's book Risk-Taking Boys with Mom Judi Ketteler -- ON BOYS episode 132 Should You Be Lying to Your Kids About Santa? -- Judi's TIME magazine article I Didn't Do It! -- Scholastic Parent & Child article by Jen Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Suicide rates among black boys ages 13-19 rose 60% from 2001 to 2017. And for children ages 5-12, black males are committing suicide at higher rates than any other racial or ethnic group. Significant numbers of black boys are ending their lives before puberty. This is not OK. "There is a lot of discussion going on about suicide, mental health, emotional wellness and stigma, much of it centered around what's going on in the African-American and other communities of color," says today's guest, Chandra White-Cummings is a lawyer who's served as a policy fellow for Moms of Black Boys United. "However, often, it is the sad unfortunate case that African-American women -- moms -- don't get invited into these conversations." That's not OK either. Together, Chandra, Janet and Jen attempt to untangle the intertwining threads that affect black boys' mental health (and their parents' mental health) and figure out how parents, teachers and communities can effectively support black boys. In this episode, Jen, Janet & Chandra discuss: Factors affecting mental health in the African-American community Implicit, unconscious bias How racism causes parents to "over-pathologize" black boys' behavior The loss of protective factors -- tight-knit communities, nearby family -- that once helped support mental health The need for connection How society often misinterprets anxiety and depression in boys -- which may manifest as rage and irritability -- as "danger" rather than symptomatic of a mental health concern Racial disparities in schools How to begin dismantling implicit bias How trauma impacts mental health --  & how the legacy of slavery impacts mental health today Why it's time to listen to (rather than study) the black community Engaging in conversations about racism Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: www.cwcmediagroup.com -- Chandra's website. Includes links to many of her articles Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard -- ON BOYS episode The 1619 Project -- NYT multi-media examination of the impact of slavery on the United States Teen Football Star Bryce Gowdy Faced Struggles Before His Suicide -- news story mentioned by Chandra at 32:14 Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison, by Shaka Senghor -- book mentioned by Chandra at 48:08 Chokehold: Policing Black Men, by Paul Butler -- book mentioned by Chandra at 48:03 Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family, by Mitchell Jackson -- memoir about growing up black in Portland, OR What Set Me Free: A True Story of Wrongful Conviction, a Dream Deferred, and a Man Redeemed, by Brian Banks We Speak for Ourselves: A Word from Forgotten Black America, by D. Watkins LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin: Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Photo by Kevin Dooley via Flickr How do you help boys deal with change and anxiety? And how can parents deal with boys' incessant energy?  Those are just a few of the questions we tackle in our first listener Q & A of 2020! Jacquie asked: How do you help boys adjust to change and uncomfortable situations (new school, daycare, meeting new kids...)? Eden and Katie also wanted advice on helping boys (and themselves) cope with anxiety, albeit at different ends of the age spectrum. Eden asked: How do you help your teen boy with anxiety? while Katie said My 3.5 year old boy strongly dislikes going to preschool. He started 3 months ago. The teachers reassure me that after I leave, he adjusts and is fine. However, it feels awful to force him through the front door, with the teacher grabbing him on the other side, and him saying he doesn't want to go? Any tips? Ashley -- an introvert -- asked how to cope with her energetic boys: I have 3 boys who love to roughhouse ALL the time. I'm an introvert and thrive in quiet environments. I'm struggling to adjust to the natural rambunctious behavior of little boys. In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss: Helping boys adjust to change and uncomfortable situations How age and personality affect boys' response to change Working with your son to increase his comfort level Using playacting & anticipatory guidance to prepare boys for new situations Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and depression Affordable at-home treatment for anxiety Differentiating anxiety from nervousness and excitement Separation anxiety Tips for dealing with overwhelm The importance of self-care for introverted boy parents How you can make your house more movement-friendly Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Helping Teens Cope with Anxiety, Depression & More -- ON BOYS episode Anxiety & Depression in Boys -- ON BOYS episode COPE (Creating Opportunities for Personal Empowerment) -- evidence-based program proven to help kids with anxiety & depression (mentioned at 7:14) Age of Anxiety: Are We "Pathologizing" Normal Emotion? -- article mentioned at 10:18 The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn -- book mentioned at 15:35 (great for those dealing with separation anxiety!) Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour: Parenting in the Digital Age -- ON BOYS episode 4 Ways to Make Your Home Movement-Friendly -- Understanding Boys article by Jen Learning to Live with Boys (w Katy Rank Lev) -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 23:44 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter: Facebook: Linkedin: STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Meagan Francis has been writing, blogging and podcasting about parenting for the better part of 20 years. You might not know her name, but odds are good you've seen a photo of her: That's Meagan, in the hot pink dress. And that's one of her (four) boys under her arm. (Meagan also has a daughter.) If you have kids -- and you probably do, if you're listening to this podcast -- you know that look on her face. You've felt that combination of frustration and determination. And that, likely, is why the photo went viral and remains wildly popular. What you may not know is that the "surfboard kid" photo is 16 years ago. The boy under Meagan's arm is now a 20 year old man she calls "mellow," "sweet, and "reserved." The moral(s) of the story: Whatever you are experiencing today will not last forever. At age three, Meagan's son was a "holy terror." (Her words.) He would hide under clothes racks when they went shopping and was. uh, difficult to control at times. It's easy to assume, when that's your daily reality, that that's how your kid is -- and how he will BE. It's easy to assume that unless you crack down (a.k.a, figure out the "right" way to handle this behavior), your kid will turn into an out-of-control juvenile delinquent. But that is not necessarily the case. What is true: Your child will grow. You will grow. Life in 15 years -- or even next week! -- might look very different than the current moment. Photos (and stories) on the Internet do last forever. Meagan discovered the photo about 6 years ago while going through a box of photographs. She posted it on her Facebook page with an encouraging story -- and then, it took on a life of its own. The photo went viral and has surged in popularity at least 3 separate times, often in slightly different forms. Meagan has noticed that "people's reactions to the photo tend to vary based on what caption is on there." Some moms see it and are supportive. Some -- especially those who see it in the iteration posted above, think, "I'd never!" In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meagan discuss: How a photo from a family wedding turned into the viral "surfboard kid" meme Raising lots of boys -- and coping with silly questions, like, "So, you gonna keep trying for a girl?" Life as a #momofboys How family dynamics change over time Responding to internal (and external) parenting pressure Parenting as a single mom Why you might want to get a cat (Meagan's son says getting a cat was the "best thing she ever did for the family") Learning to communicate via sarcasm & joking (Also: What to do when your kids' "joking" hurts your feelings) Navigating screen time & social media Encouraging character, civility & safety online Why you DON'T need to constantly monitor your child's whereabouts and grades Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Mom Hour -- Meagan & Sarah Power's popular parenting podcast Helicopter Parenting & Bulldozer Parenting are Bad for Everyone -- Including Parents -- NBC News article by Meagan (mentioned at 33:20) Surfboard Kid Backstory -- Meagan explains the story behind the viral photo (& what's happened since) What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents -- NYT article mentioned at 20:34 Dolly Parton's America -- excellent podcast recommended by Janet at about 38:00 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this Link Facebook:  Use this Link Linkedin:  Use this Link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Jo LangfordSex educator & author How much do you know about the apps KIK, WeChat and My LOL? If you're like most parents, the answer is "not much" (if anything!). You know that cell phones and social media are an important part of tween and teen culture -- in fact, digital communication is the primary source of social connection for many kids today -- but you don't really understand what they do online. As an adult, you're well aware of the potential risks of digital communication, but are unsure which apps and activities are safe. Enter Jo Langford. We last talked to Jo, a therapist, author and sex educator, about sex education in the 21st century. Since then, he's started a podcast to help today's parents understand the apps used by today's kids: APPropriate. Freaking out about your sons' social media activity is never helpful. Jo encourages parents to stop, breathe and be aware. "You don't have to understand every single app out there," Jo says. "There are dozens of them and they're changing all the time; it's just exhausting. What you want to do is get clear about what your values are and communicate that to your kids. Tell your kids what you're OK with them doing, what kind of pictures you're OK with them having, who you're OK with them following and friending and how they behave when they do that." In this episode, Jen, Janet & Jo discuss: How to tame your fear regarding kids' online activities Tweens' favorite apps: Instagram & Tik Tok Teens' favorite apps: SnapChat and Instagram Why kids may have more than one Instagram account (It's not necessarily nefarious) Whether or not it's OK to kids to have a private space online How you can connect with your child via Tik Tok and Instagram Why young kids (especially) should keep their social circles small How to establish behavioral expectations for social networking and online activities What to do if you find an app on your son's phone that you don't approve of (Hint: Don't yell. Ask questions!) How to use parental controls How to help your kids be conscious of the content they are consuming online Red flag behaviors to watch for -- and what to do if you notice them Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: APPropriate -- Jo's podcast BeHeroes.net -- Jo's online home 21st Century Sex Ed with Jo Langford -- ON BOYS episode The Pride Guide: The Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth, by Jo Langford Racists are Recruiting. Watch your White Sons. -- NYT op-ed by Joanna Schroeder (discussed at 25:50) How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 33:00 LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook: Use this link Linkedin: Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

340%. The ON BOYS audience grew by 340% this year. We now have listeners in more than 110 countries, including the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Botswana and Bolivia -- which means that our message of support for boys is resonating and empowering parents worldwide. This year, we hosted 33 guests, ranging of Phyllis Fagell of Middle School Matters fame to Katy Rank Lev, an ON BOYS listener who shared with us the reality of parenting three young sons. We tackled a wide variety of topics, including esports, vaping, racism, mental health and suicide. We shared, we laughed and sometimes, we cried. Next year, we'll tackle more timely topics and introduce you to more guests. (Already slated for the new year: an episode about the apps your kids use on a daily basis, and a conversation with Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour.) But first, we review 2019. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss our favorite episodes of 2019: Steve Biddulph on Raising Boys -- our most popular episode of the year! A basic knowledge of boy development, coupled with general familiarity with the many challenges boys face, will help you parent your son. (“There are risk factors to being a boy,” Steve says, pointing out that males are 3 times more likely to die by age 25 than females.) Learning more about the “Full-On 4s” and the “Emotional 8s” will increase your understanding of your son, so you can respond more effectively to his mood changes and growth. How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert Raising good boys, Reichert says, is really quite simple.  “If we violate boys’ basic natures, bad outcomes will ensue,” he says, “If we meet their basic needs, they’re likely to wind up connected to their hearts, connected to their virtue and connected to their goodness.” Breaking the Boy Code While many people talk about boys, Jonathon talks with boys. He gives them a safe space to explore their thoughts and experiences of masculinity, and he gives them a venue to share their insights with others. "My Boy Can" Parenting At age 4, Sassy Harvey’s son was told that if he dances, he must be a girl. Or gay.  Not surprisingly, he quit dance class soon after that. Parent From Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post) The best part about love- vs. fear-based parenting is that you don’t have to understand and even know the details of your child’s trauma. Often, Post says, adoptive parents feel frustrated because they are overwhelmed by their child’s behavior and don’t even know the details of the child’s life pre-adoption. No matter, he says. The parent is likely overwhelmed and frustrated because the “energy of the child triggers something that is already there.” Identifying and dealing with that energy (aka unresolved issue) will lead to dramatic improvement in the parents’ ability to connect with their child. Charlie Capen on Fatherhood and Raising Boys A generation ago, there were few — if any — spaces for dads to discuss the challenges of parenthood. Today’s dads often grew up with career-focused fathers who spent little time on day-to-day childcare. Now, fathers are increasingly involved in their children’s lives but they’re still stymied by stereotypes. Capen is one of the many dads who are blazing a new trail. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Building Boys Bulletin -- Jen's newsletter (You can also sign-up via BuildingBoys) Boys Alive Clubhouse -- Janet's new membership site How to Have a Perfectly Imperfect Christmas -- video mentioned at 5:00. Features 2 of our favorite guests, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe & Maggie Dent! STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

CBSN recently released a new documentary, Raising Boys. Among those featured in the documentary: our very own Jennifer L.W. Fink. The intent of the documentary, says producer Kayla Ruble, was to examine "what issues lead to the headlines" that so often announce stories of men behaving badly. The intent was to search for answers to the question that is on the mind of every parent of boys: How do we raise good men?  The documentary features 6  families -- David French, a dad who discusses the difference between raising boys today vs. when he was growing up Gemma Gaudette, the mom of a son who got in trouble for punching a kid who picked on him Mike & Katy Anderson, parents of three active boys who love to wrestle and brawl Roe Anderson, a single mom of a boy who prefers art to sports Ruth Whippman, a mom of three boys who discusses the messages boys receive about masculinity from books and movies Roberto and Tenysa Santiago, parents of three children including a boy who like to paint his nails and wear his hair in a pontail -- as well as expert commentary from Ted Bunch, co-founder of A Call to Men (Tim Bell, a Call to Men mentor and basketball coach also shares his experience) Michael C. Reichert, author of How to Raise a Boy (and a previous ON BOYS guest) Dr. Lise Eliot, author of Pink Brain, Blue Brain Jen! What did you think about the documentary? Are there topics you wish they would have covered? Something you think deserved a deeper dive? Let us know in the comments below! In this episode, Jen, Janet & Kayla discuss: Why CBS felt the time was right to focus on boys What Kayla learned about boys while working on the documentary Parents' attitudes toward the #MeToo and girl empowerment movements Response to the documentary (Spoiler: Many people love it. Others say the FBI and Child Protective Services should be called on the parents.) The pressure and fears felt by parents of boys Evolving gender norms and roles How dads are coping with changing expectations for boys and men Progress toward gender equality Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Raising Boys -- CBSN documentary Raising Boys as Society Redefines Masculinity -- CBS Morning Show segment about the documentary Grown Men Are the Solution, Not the Problem -- article by David French, one of the dads in the documentary Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo -- ON BOYS episode #105 Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter: Use this link Facebook: Use this link Linkedin: Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

We initially ran this episode in July 2018. But we've gained a lot of followers since then and tween & teen boys have not suddenly gotten better at personal hygiene in the interim. If you're sick of fighting with your boy about hygiene, this episode is a must-listen. Photo by Kasey Eriksen via Flickr Have a boy who hates to shower? You are not alone! When a mom recently asked the Building Boys Facebook group, “Anyone else have a teenage boy who hates to shower?” she was quickly inundated with support and sympathy. Personal hygiene, it seems, is not a priority for most tween and teen boys. Lots of moms said they’re dealing with the exact same issue. Others said that their boys spend a lot of time in the shower, but come out with unwashed, still-dirty hair. Is this lack of interest in appearance and, um, smell, merely a stage that will resolve without intervention? Or should parents and teachers take a more active role in teaching and reinforcing hygiene habits? Turns out, the best approach is actually a combination of those two strategies. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: WHY some boys seems oblivious to their own stench The essential role of 5th grade teachers in the hygiene battle How colored liquid soap can help boys shower effectively “Man soap” vs. “girly soap” Axe bombs (Don’t know what that is? Listen in at 12:41!) When — and how — to have the hygiene talk When boys should start using deodorant – & how to make sure your boys use it regularly (Listen carefully for Jen’s pro tips!) The role of role-modeling in personal hygiene How to get the stench out of your boys’ gym clothes and sports uniforms Tooth brushing (Spoiler: Instill good tooth brushing habits when you boys are young!) Hair care How to combine male bonding and hygiene rituals (not as weird as it sounds!) BEING NEUTRAL! Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Boying Up: How to be Brave, Bold and Brilliant. by Mayim Bialik — A great book to leave laying around the house. Includes detailed hygiene instructions for boys. Why Do Teenagers Smell Bad? Study Suggests They May Be Unable to Detect Own Scent — report of Danish research ON BOYS on YouTube -- watch uncut versions of our conversations Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%. LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!): Twitter:  Use this link Facebook:  Use this link Linkedin:  Use this link STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN: Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group Be sure to opt-in at  Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.”  And opt-in at  BuildingBoys.net, too! Follow us on Instagram:  @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive Twitter:  @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys  LinkedIn:  use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy