

ON BOYS Podcast
Janet Allison, Jennifer LW Fink
Real Talk about Parenting, Teaching, and Reaching Tomorrow’s Men
Episodes
Mentioned books

Feb 6, 2020 • 34min
ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude
Approximately 3-10% of children have ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder). Many of them -- the majority, in fact -- are boys.
Today's guest, Ryan Wexelblatt (aka ADHD Dude) describes ADHD as "an executive function developmental delay." What that means: In all humans, the brain's prefrontal cortex (or "frontal lobe") acts as the operating system for the brain. It controls impulses, understand time and helps us weigh the potential consequences of our actions. In kids who have ADHD, the prefrontal cortex is about 30% behind the rest of the brain, developmentally. So, a 12 year old with ADHD may well act and behave more like a typical 9 year old.
The frontal lobe is the home of our "brain coach," that internal voice that gives us feedback and suggestions throughout the day. When he explains ADHD to kids, Ryan tells them, "the volume on your brain coach is turned down a little."
Unfortunately for many boys (and their families), a lot of people still misunderstand ADHD. Making matter worse is the fact that "school is not designed with the male brain in mind," as Ryan says. On top of that, many people consider ADHD a mental health issue, not a learning disorder. That conceptualization makes things harder for our boys, who face social stigma and internal shame. Often, their parents are judged as well; too often, educators and others consider ADHD a "character flaw" or the result of poor parenting.
The answer, however, is not to ignore or deny any professional or educator who suggests your son might have ADHD. "We're talking about how your son's learning and social relationships may be impacted," Ryan says. If a professional sees signs of ADHD in your child, it's almost always a good idea to have your child evaluated holistically.
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ryan discuss:
The 3 subtypes (different presentations) of ADHD
The link between ADHD and executive function
Why kids with ADHD struggle with time management -- & giving attention to tasks that don't interest them
How ADHD affects adults, children & families
Differentiating "typical boy behavior" from ADHD
How ADHD affects learning
ADHD's effect on emotional regulation
Social learning challenges related to attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder
How to help children w ADHD develop perspective-taking skills
Should intellectually advanced but socially immature boys start school, or wait a year?
Misdiagnosis of ADHD
Explaining ADHD to kids
ADHD diagnosis
Other conditions that cause ADHD-like symptoms
Connections between ADHD & depression, anxiety, autism spectrum disorder and more
To medicate or not medicate?
Making decisions about ADHD treatment
Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club
Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
ADHD Dude — the online home of Ryan’s ADHD work. Includes a link to his ADHD Dude Facebook group
Dude Talk playlist — Ryan’s series of YouTube videos aimed directly at boys
Teaching Boys Social Skills -- Ryan's previous ON BOYS episode
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) -- program recommended by Ryan at 26:42
Parent Management Training (PMT) -- program recommended by Ryan at 26:52
ADDitude magazine -- be sure to check out Ryan's weekly columns
ADHD Resources Recommended by Ryan:
Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley
No-Drama Discipline: The Whole Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind by Daniel Siegel
He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself by Dr. Adam Price
Saving Our Sons: A New Path for Raising Healthy & Resilient Boys by Michael Gurian
The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups by Leonard Sax
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Jan 30, 2020 • 35min
Teaching Honesty in a World That Lies (w Judi Ketteler)
Is honesty the best policy?
Not necessarily, says Judi Ketteler, author of Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies. If Judi's name (and voice) sound familiar to you, it's because she's been on the podcast before: in Oct. 2018, she talked to us about parenting risk-taking boys. (Her son, Maxx, is into Gtramp, an extreme trampoline sport.)
We all want our boys to be decent, honest human beings, but the truth is, honesty isn't a black-and-white issue. As Judi learned, there are a whole host of reasons why people lie: We want others to like us. We don't want to hurt someone's feelings. We want to avoid a conflict. We're protecting someone (or something).
In some cases, lying is healthy -- so telling our kids to be honest all the time is actually a bit hypocritical because our kids see and hear us lying.
Believe it or not, a big part of maturity is figuring out when and how to lie.
"We think that our kids grow out of lying, but actually they grow into lying," Judi says.
If you really want to raise honest, moral children, begin by investigating your own relationship with honesty.
"There's such power in saying, 'I'll start with me,'" Judi says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Judi discuss:
Why kids -- and adults -- lie
How lying behavior changes as humans grow
Prosocial lying, or lying for the benefit of others
Helping kids be honest and moral online
Why you should "engage at the level of reality they're looking for"
How to handle Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny
What to do when you know your child is lying to you
The connection between shame, lying and honesty
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Would I Lie to You? The Amazing Power of Being Honest in a World That Lies -- Judi's book
Risk-Taking Boys with Mom Judi Ketteler -- ON BOYS episode 132
Should You Be Lying to Your Kids About Santa? -- Judi's TIME magazine article
I Didn't Do It! -- Scholastic Parent & Child article by Jen
Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club
Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%.
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter: Use this link
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STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
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Jan 23, 2020 • 53min
Supporting Black Boys’ Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings)
Suicide rates among black boys ages 13-19 rose 60% from 2001 to 2017. And for children ages 5-12, black males are committing suicide at higher rates than any other racial or ethnic group.
Significant numbers of black boys are ending their lives before puberty.
This is not OK.
"There is a lot of discussion going on about suicide, mental health, emotional wellness and stigma, much of it centered around what's going on in the African-American and other communities of color," says today's guest, Chandra White-Cummings is a lawyer who's served as a policy fellow for Moms of Black Boys United. "However, often, it is the sad unfortunate case that African-American women -- moms -- don't get invited into these conversations."
That's not OK either.
Together, Chandra, Janet and Jen attempt to untangle the intertwining threads that affect black boys' mental health (and their parents' mental health) and figure out how parents, teachers and communities can effectively support black boys.
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Chandra discuss:
Factors affecting mental health in the African-American community
Implicit, unconscious bias
How racism causes parents to "over-pathologize" black boys' behavior
The loss of protective factors -- tight-knit communities, nearby family -- that once helped support mental health
The need for connection
How society often misinterprets anxiety and depression in boys -- which may manifest as rage and irritability -- as "danger" rather than symptomatic of a mental health concern
Racial disparities in schools
How to begin dismantling implicit bias
How trauma impacts mental health -- & how the legacy of slavery impacts mental health today
Why it's time to listen to (rather than study) the black community
Engaging in conversations about racism
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
www.cwcmediagroup.com -- Chandra's website. Includes links to many of her articles
Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard -- ON BOYS episode
The 1619 Project -- NYT multi-media examination of the impact of slavery on the United States
Teen Football Star Bryce Gowdy Faced Struggles Before His Suicide -- news story mentioned by Chandra at 32:14
Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison, by Shaka Senghor -- book mentioned by Chandra at 48:08
Chokehold: Policing Black Men, by Paul Butler -- book mentioned by Chandra at 48:03
Survival Math: Notes on an All-American Family, by Mitchell Jackson -- memoir about growing up black in Portland, OR
What Set Me Free: A True Story of Wrongful Conviction, a Dream Deferred, and a Man Redeemed, by Brian Banks
We Speak for Ourselves: A Word from Forgotten Black America, by D. Watkins
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter: Use this link
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STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
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Jan 16, 2020 • 27min
Dealing with Change, Anxiety & Energy (Listener Q & A)
Photo by Kevin Dooley via Flickr
How do you help boys deal with change and anxiety? And how can parents deal with boys' incessant energy?
Those are just a few of the questions we tackle in our first listener Q & A of 2020!
Jacquie asked:
How do you help boys adjust to change and uncomfortable situations (new school, daycare, meeting new kids...)?
Eden and Katie also wanted advice on helping boys (and themselves) cope with anxiety, albeit at different ends of the age spectrum. Eden asked:
How do you help your teen boy with anxiety?
while Katie said
My 3.5 year old boy strongly dislikes going to preschool. He started 3 months ago. The teachers reassure me that after I leave, he adjusts and is fine. However, it feels awful to force him through the front door, with the teacher grabbing him on the other side, and him saying he doesn't want to go? Any tips?
Ashley -- an introvert -- asked how to cope with her energetic boys:
I have 3 boys who love to roughhouse ALL the time. I'm an introvert and thrive in quiet environments. I'm struggling to adjust to the natural rambunctious behavior of little boys.
In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:
Helping boys adjust to change and uncomfortable situations
How age and personality affect boys' response to change
Working with your son to increase his comfort level
Using playacting & anticipatory guidance to prepare boys for new situations
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and depression
Affordable at-home treatment for anxiety
Differentiating anxiety from nervousness and excitement
Separation anxiety
Tips for dealing with overwhelm
The importance of self-care for introverted boy parents
How you can make your house more movement-friendly
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Helping Teens Cope with Anxiety, Depression & More -- ON BOYS episode
Anxiety & Depression in Boys -- ON BOYS episode
COPE (Creating Opportunities for Personal Empowerment) -- evidence-based program proven to help kids with anxiety & depression (mentioned at 7:14)
Age of Anxiety: Are We "Pathologizing" Normal Emotion? -- article mentioned at 10:18
The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn -- book mentioned at 15:35 (great for those dealing with separation anxiety!)
Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour: Parenting in the Digital Age -- ON BOYS episode
4 Ways to Make Your Home Movement-Friendly -- Understanding Boys article by Jen
Learning to Live with Boys (w Katy Rank Lev) -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 23:44
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter:
Facebook:
Linkedin:
STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
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Jan 9, 2020 • 41min
Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour: Parenting in the Digital Age
Meagan Francis has been writing, blogging and podcasting about parenting for the better part of 20 years.
You might not know her name, but odds are good you've seen a photo of her:
That's Meagan, in the hot pink dress. And that's one of her (four) boys under her arm. (Meagan also has a daughter.)
If you have kids -- and you probably do, if you're listening to this podcast -- you know that look on her face. You've felt that combination of frustration and determination. And that, likely, is why the photo went viral and remains wildly popular.
What you may not know is that the "surfboard kid" photo is 16 years ago. The boy under Meagan's arm is now a 20 year old man she calls "mellow," "sweet, and "reserved."
The moral(s) of the story:
Whatever you are experiencing today will not last forever. At age three, Meagan's son was a "holy terror." (Her words.) He would hide under clothes racks when they went shopping and was. uh, difficult to control at times. It's easy to assume, when that's your daily reality, that that's how your kid is -- and how he will BE. It's easy to assume that unless you crack down (a.k.a, figure out the "right" way to handle this behavior), your kid will turn into an out-of-control juvenile delinquent. But that is not necessarily the case. What is true: Your child will grow. You will grow. Life in 15 years -- or even next week! -- might look very different than the current moment.
Photos (and stories) on the Internet do last forever. Meagan discovered the photo about 6 years ago while going through a box of photographs. She posted it on her Facebook page with an encouraging story -- and then, it took on a life of its own. The photo went viral and has surged in popularity at least 3 separate times, often in slightly different forms. Meagan has noticed that "people's reactions to the photo tend to vary based on what caption is on there." Some moms see it and are supportive. Some -- especially those who see it in the iteration posted above, think, "I'd never!"
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Meagan discuss:
How a photo from a family wedding turned into the viral "surfboard kid" meme
Raising lots of boys -- and coping with silly questions, like, "So, you gonna keep trying for a girl?"
Life as a #momofboys
How family dynamics change over time
Responding to internal (and external) parenting pressure
Parenting as a single mom
Why you might want to get a cat (Meagan's son says getting a cat was the "best thing she ever did for the family")
Learning to communicate via sarcasm & joking (Also: What to do when your kids' "joking" hurts your feelings)
Navigating screen time & social media
Encouraging character, civility & safety online
Why you DON'T need to constantly monitor your child's whereabouts and grades
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
The Mom Hour -- Meagan & Sarah Power's popular parenting podcast
Helicopter Parenting & Bulldozer Parenting are Bad for Everyone -- Including Parents -- NBC News article by Meagan (mentioned at 33:20)
Surfboard Kid Backstory -- Meagan explains the story behind the viral photo (& what's happened since)
What Do Teenagers Want? Potted Plant Parents -- NYT article mentioned at 20:34
Dolly Parton's America -- excellent podcast recommended by Janet at about 38:00
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
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STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
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Jan 2, 2020 • 39min
Which Apps are APPropriate? (w Jo Langford)
Jo LangfordSex educator & author
How much do you know about the apps KIK, WeChat and My LOL?
If you're like most parents, the answer is "not much" (if anything!). You know that cell phones and social media are an important part of tween and teen culture -- in fact, digital communication is the primary source of social connection for many kids today -- but you don't really understand what they do online. As an adult, you're well aware of the potential risks of digital communication, but are unsure which apps and activities are safe.
Enter Jo Langford.
We last talked to Jo, a therapist, author and sex educator, about sex education in the 21st century. Since then, he's started a podcast to help today's parents understand the apps used by today's kids: APPropriate.
Freaking out about your sons' social media activity is never helpful. Jo encourages parents to stop, breathe and be aware.
"You don't have to understand every single app out there," Jo says. "There are dozens of them and they're changing all the time; it's just exhausting. What you want to do is get clear about what your values are and communicate that to your kids. Tell your kids what you're OK with them doing, what kind of pictures you're OK with them having, who you're OK with them following and friending and how they behave when they do that."
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Jo discuss:
How to tame your fear regarding kids' online activities
Tweens' favorite apps: Instagram & Tik Tok
Teens' favorite apps: SnapChat and Instagram
Why kids may have more than one Instagram account (It's not necessarily nefarious)
Whether or not it's OK to kids to have a private space online
How you can connect with your child via Tik Tok and Instagram
Why young kids (especially) should keep their social circles small
How to establish behavioral expectations for social networking and online activities
What to do if you find an app on your son's phone that you don't approve of (Hint: Don't yell. Ask questions!)
How to use parental controls
How to help your kids be conscious of the content they are consuming online
Red flag behaviors to watch for -- and what to do if you notice them
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
APPropriate -- Jo's podcast
BeHeroes.net -- Jo's online home
21st Century Sex Ed with Jo Langford -- ON BOYS episode
The Pride Guide: The Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth, by Jo Langford
Racists are Recruiting. Watch your White Sons. -- NYT op-ed by Joanna Schroeder (discussed at 25:50)
How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 33:00
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter: Use this link
Facebook: Use this link
Linkedin: Use this link
STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
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Dec 26, 2019 • 43min
Best of 2019
340%.
The ON BOYS audience grew by 340% this year. We now have listeners in more than 110 countries, including the United States, Canada, Australia, the UK, India, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Botswana and Bolivia -- which means that our message of support for boys is resonating and empowering parents worldwide.
This year, we hosted 33 guests, ranging of Phyllis Fagell of Middle School Matters fame to Katy Rank Lev, an ON BOYS listener who shared with us the reality of parenting three young sons. We tackled a wide variety of topics, including esports, vaping, racism, mental health and suicide. We shared, we laughed and sometimes, we cried.
Next year, we'll tackle more timely topics and introduce you to more guests. (Already slated for the new year: an episode about the apps your kids use on a daily basis, and a conversation with Meagan Francis of The Mom Hour.)
But first, we review 2019.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss our favorite episodes of 2019:
Steve Biddulph on Raising Boys -- our most popular episode of the year!
A basic knowledge of boy development, coupled with general familiarity with the many challenges boys face, will help you parent your son. (“There are risk factors to being a boy,” Steve says, pointing out that males are 3 times more likely to die by age 25 than females.) Learning more about the “Full-On 4s” and the “Emotional 8s” will increase your understanding of your son, so you can respond more effectively to his mood changes and growth.
How to Raise a Boy with Michael C. Reichert
Raising good boys, Reichert says, is really quite simple. “If we violate boys’ basic natures, bad outcomes will ensue,” he says, “If we meet their basic needs, they’re likely to wind up connected to their hearts, connected to their virtue and connected to their goodness.”
Breaking the Boy Code
While many people talk about boys, Jonathon talks with boys. He gives them a safe space to explore their thoughts and experiences of masculinity, and he gives them a venue to share their insights with others.
"My Boy Can" Parenting
At age 4, Sassy Harvey’s son was told that if he dances, he must be a girl. Or gay.
Not surprisingly, he quit dance class soon after that.
Parent From Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post)
The best part about love- vs. fear-based parenting is that you don’t have to understand and even know the details of your child’s trauma. Often, Post says, adoptive parents feel frustrated because they are overwhelmed by their child’s behavior and don’t even know the details of the child’s life pre-adoption. No matter, he says. The parent is likely overwhelmed and frustrated because the “energy of the child triggers something that is already there.” Identifying and dealing with that energy (aka unresolved issue) will lead to dramatic improvement in the parents’ ability to connect with their child.
Charlie Capen on Fatherhood and Raising Boys
A generation ago, there were few — if any — spaces for dads to discuss the challenges of parenthood. Today’s dads often grew up with career-focused fathers who spent little time on day-to-day childcare. Now, fathers are increasingly involved in their children’s lives but they’re still stymied by stereotypes. Capen is one of the many dads who are blazing a new trail.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Building Boys Bulletin -- Jen's newsletter (You can also sign-up via BuildingBoys)
Boys Alive Clubhouse -- Janet's new membership site
How to Have a Perfectly Imperfect Christmas -- video mentioned at 5:00. Features 2 of our favorite guests, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe & Maggie Dent!
STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dec 18, 2019 • 35min
Raising Boys Documentary
CBSN recently released a new documentary, Raising Boys. Among those featured in the documentary: our very own Jennifer L.W. Fink.
The intent of the documentary, says producer Kayla Ruble, was to examine "what issues lead to the headlines" that so often announce stories of men behaving badly. The intent was to search for answers to the question that is on the mind of every parent of boys: How do we raise good men?
The documentary features 6 families --
David French, a dad who discusses the difference between raising boys today vs. when he was growing up
Gemma Gaudette, the mom of a son who got in trouble for punching a kid who picked on him
Mike & Katy Anderson, parents of three active boys who love to wrestle and brawl
Roe Anderson, a single mom of a boy who prefers art to sports
Ruth Whippman, a mom of three boys who discusses the messages boys receive about masculinity from books and movies
Roberto and Tenysa Santiago, parents of three children including a boy who like to paint his nails and wear his hair in a pontail
-- as well as expert commentary from
Ted Bunch, co-founder of A Call to Men (Tim Bell, a Call to Men mentor and basketball coach also shares his experience)
Michael C. Reichert, author of How to Raise a Boy (and a previous ON BOYS guest)
Dr. Lise Eliot, author of Pink Brain, Blue Brain
Jen!
What did you think about the documentary? Are there topics you wish they would have covered? Something you think deserved a deeper dive? Let us know in the comments below!
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Kayla discuss:
Why CBS felt the time was right to focus on boys
What Kayla learned about boys while working on the documentary
Parents' attitudes toward the #MeToo and girl empowerment movements
Response to the documentary (Spoiler: Many people love it. Others say the FBI and Child Protective Services should be called on the parents.)
The pressure and fears felt by parents of boys
Evolving gender norms and roles
How dads are coping with changing expectations for boys and men
Progress toward gender equality
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Raising Boys -- CBSN documentary
Raising Boys as Society Redefines Masculinity -- CBS Morning Show segment about the documentary
Grown Men Are the Solution, Not the Problem -- article by David French, one of the dads in the documentary
Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo -- ON BOYS episode #105
Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club
Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%.
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter: Use this link
Facebook: Use this link
Linkedin: Use this link
STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
LinkedIn: use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dec 12, 2019 • 32min
Personal Hygiene for Tween & Teen Boys
We initially ran this episode in July 2018. But we've gained a lot of followers since then and tween & teen boys have not suddenly gotten better at personal hygiene in the interim. If you're sick of fighting with your boy about hygiene, this episode is a must-listen.
Photo by Kasey Eriksen via Flickr
Have a boy who hates to shower?
You are not alone!
When a mom recently asked the Building Boys Facebook group, “Anyone else have a teenage boy who hates to shower?” she was quickly inundated with support and sympathy.
Personal hygiene, it seems, is not a priority for most tween and teen boys.
Lots of moms said they’re dealing with the exact same issue. Others said that their boys spend a lot of time in the shower, but come out with unwashed, still-dirty hair.
Is this lack of interest in appearance and, um, smell, merely a stage that will resolve without intervention?
Or should parents and teachers take a more active role in teaching and reinforcing hygiene habits?
Turns out, the best approach is actually a combination of those two strategies.
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:
WHY some boys seems oblivious to their own stench
The essential role of 5th grade teachers in the hygiene battle
How colored liquid soap can help boys shower effectively
“Man soap” vs. “girly soap”
Axe bombs (Don’t know what that is? Listen in at 12:41!)
When — and how — to have the hygiene talk
When boys should start using deodorant – & how to make sure your boys use it regularly (Listen carefully for Jen’s pro tips!)
The role of role-modeling in personal hygiene
How to get the stench out of your boys’ gym clothes and sports uniforms
Tooth brushing (Spoiler: Instill good tooth brushing habits when you boys are young!)
Hair care
How to combine male bonding and hygiene rituals (not as weird as it sounds!)
BEING NEUTRAL!
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Boying Up: How to be Brave, Bold and Brilliant. by Mayim Bialik — A great book to leave laying around the house. Includes detailed hygiene instructions for boys.
Why Do Teenagers Smell Bad? Study Suggests They May Be Unable to Detect Own Scent — report of Danish research
ON BOYS on YouTube -- watch uncut versions of our conversations
Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club
Skin care specifically made for boys! Created by a group of “boy moms,” including a pediatric dermatologist, Stryke Club products are simple, safe and non-drying. Use discount code ONBOYS to save 10%.
LIKE THIS EPISODE? Share it with your friends (and thanks!):
Twitter: Use this link
Facebook: Use this link
Linkedin: Use this link
STAY CONNECTED WITH JANET & JEN:
Join the Building Boys FB group and the Boys Alive! FB group
Be sure to opt-in at Boys Alive! .com for your free report “3 Simple Tips to CONNECT with Your Boy.” And opt-in at BuildingBoys.net, too!
Follow us on Instagram: @on.boys.podcast and @boys.alive
Twitter: @ParentAdvisor and @BuildingBoys
LinkedIn: use this link for Janet and use this link for JenniferAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Dec 5, 2019 • 38min
Middle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell
"Middle school," Phyillis Fagell says, "is a stew of simmering hormones, shifting relationships and increased expectations."
It's also a time of massive confusion and overwhelm -- for middle school boys and their parents.
Phyllis Fagell is a school counselor and the author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School & Beyond and How Parents Can Help. She's also a mom of three; her youngest son is currently in 6th grade.
While many of us view the middle school years with terror, Fagell sees them as a time of great opportunity.
The question all middle schoolers wrestle with is, "Am I good enough?" Now is the time we can build their self-confidence, competence and coping skills.
To do so, though, we need to increase our understanding and compassion. Boys often behave in ways that can be baffling to "boy moms." Case in point: a 7th grade boy might think sharing pictures of his privates via Snapchat is a great way to bond with the guys. (Seriously. Listen in at about 8:45)
When we don't take the time to consider our boys' perspective, we often over-react -- & alienate the very children we're trying to help.
Middle school boys, Fagell says, love hard, care hard and mean well. They want to be funny and well-liked, but they may not yet have the socioemotional skills and experience to avoid unintentionally harming or even humiliating others.
When you understand that fact, parenting middle school boys becomes a whole lot easier. (And more fun!)
In this episode, Janet, Jen & Phyllis discuss:
What's on the minds of middle school boys
Gender stereotypes
Boys' friendships
Common misconceptions about middle school boys
Boys & body image
Sensitively supporting boys by validating their feelings
Why middle school boys are sometimes obnoxious
What to do if you spot inappropriate photos on your son's phone
Giving boys space to discuss masculinity
Encouraging tween boys autonomy
When (& how) to involve the school in your son's academic struggles
Handling students/teacher conflicts
Helping boys deconstruct the "man box"
How to use inoculation therapy to decrease the chances that your son will vape, gossip or try drugs or alcohol
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
PhyllisFagell.com -- Fagell's online home. Includes blog posts and links to her speaking schedule.
How Shame Harms Boys -- ON BOYS episode
Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers -- ON BOYS episode
Vaping & E-Cigarette Use: What Parents Need to Know -- ON BOYS episode
Sponsor Spotlight: Stryke Club
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