ON BOYS Podcast

Sexual abuse affects boys and men too. 1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). They suffer in silence. Court Stroud was one of those boys. He was 6 years old the first time he was sexually assaulted. He was in third-grade the next time he was assaulted. More assaults occurred in his teenage and young adult years. And yet, he told no one. "This is a story I wasn't comfortable talking about, even with those closest to me, until about four years ago," Court says. He did1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). n't tell his mother (and other close relatives) about the abuse until his Newsweek essay, "After 50 Years of Sexual Assault Shame, I'm Finally Reclaiming My Voice," won a prestigious journalism award in the Spring of 2022. He learned then "that the terror they were going to reject me" was all in his head. Sharing his story, he hopes, will help others. "We're only as sick as our secrets," Court says. "The more transparently that I'm able to live, the healthier I'm able to be. The silence was worse than the incident." Need help or support? Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Court discuss: How sexual abuse harms boys The link between sexual assault and shame -- and how shame keeps people quiet The last-lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse Fight, flight, or freeze stress response "Healthy adults don't ever ask children to keep secrets" Why talking about tough things is so important When to seek mental health assistance Using TV shows & news stories to educate boys about sexual violence Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: courtstroud.com -- Court's website (includes link to his podcast, Revolucion!) "After 50 Years of Sexual Assault Shame, I'm Finally Reclaiming My Voice" -- Court's ASJA award-winning essay The Grizzly in the Purple Pants -- Court's NYT article Stop Sexual Abuse with These 6 Steps -- BuildingBoys post Pay Attention to Stop Sexual Abuse -- BuildingBoys post Sexual Abuse & Penn State -- classic BuildingBoys post National Sexual Assault Hotline  1-800-656-4673 RAINN -- United States' largest anti-sexual violence organization Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

You might not even realize you have a boy with executive function challenges. Instead, you (or others) might think he's "disorganized," "lazy," "resistant," or "unmotivated." Seth Perler was one of those boys. Now, he's an executive function coach who helps other kids develop the skills they need to thrive. Seth is also the founder of The Online Executive Function Summit (TEFOS). TEFOS 2022 is August 5-7 -- and it's FREE! You can use this link to take advantage of the TEFOS 2022 Early Bird Special, which will give you lifetime access to each of the expert-led sources. This year's TEFOS includes sessions led by previous ON BOYS' guests Tosha Schore, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, and Debbie Reber, as well as dozens of other mental health professionals, authors, and neuroscience specialists. Of course, an August summit won't help you today, so we're re-running a previous conversation with Seth Perler, who reminds us that “If you want to help a kid who is struggling with homework, grades, procrastination, under acheivement, time management, and motivation, you have to understand ONE thing – and one thing only – and that’s EXECUTIVE FUNCTION.” In this episode, Jen, Janet & Seth discuss: What is executive function? Why boys with executive function challenges don’t struggle with Legos, video games or other activities they enjoy Why punishments & rewards aren’t effective motivation strategies Establishing reasonable expectations Helping kids who are behind (on turning in assignments, etc) “catch up” When (& how) to reach out to your son’s teacher How to deal with resistance Why it’s OK for your son to aim for a D (vs. a B) Exploring other educational options Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: sethperler.com — Seth’s website ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode Twice Exceptional (2e) Boys – ON BOYS episode Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol Dweck — TED talk The Shame of ADHD and Executive Function — Seth’s video/blog post, mentioned at 33:10 The Executive Focus Online Summit (TEFOS 22) -- FREE summit organized by Seth Register for FREE here  Get LIFETIME ACCESS + transcripts + bonus materials with the Early Bird Special (available thru Aug. 4, 2022)Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Stress and trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive. Counseling, chiropractic care, socio-emotional learning, and other child-focused interventions may help, but only to a certain degree. For real, lasting, sustainable change to occur, adults must manage their own stress. "There's nothing good that's going to come of taking our children to others for help until we have looked at ourselves," says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist based in Texas. The first step to helping our boys thrive, she says, is becoming stress-aware. Chronic, on-going stress can turn into toxic stress and trauma. And trauma can inhibit our ability (and our kids' ability) to become their best selves. Trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive. "Trauma is not an event," Dr. Sandy clarifies, but an emotional response to a distressing experience. It can be cumulative as well. People who have experience a second or third trauma before they've had the opportunity to heal or recover from the first trauma may struggle more than those who've had time to heal. Trauma doesn't simply "go away" once when a stressor is removed. It can get "stalled" in the body, Dr. Sandy says, and negatively affect our physical and mental functioning. Healing trauma It's possible to heal from trauma. "There are remarkable and simple tools you can use to 'tease' that trauma out" of your nervous system, Dr. Sandy says. Parents can help boys thrive by first healing their own trauma. "As we being to heal, children pick up a different energy from us and they spontaneously heal with us," she says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. Sandy discuss: The effect of stress on the body and brain Toxic stress & trauma Early developmental trauma How trauma affects parenting Symptoms of parental trauma Tools to heal trauma and emotional dysregulation Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: drsandygluckman.com — Dr. Sandy’s website Heal Your Trauma -- Dr. Sandy's program (mentioned at 23:48) www.youtube.com/user/sandygluckman — Dr. Sandy’s YouTube channel Sensitive Boys (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) -- ON BOYS episode Helping Boys Become More Resilient w Dr. Sandy Gluckman -- ON BOYS episode Dr. Michele Borba Knows How to Help Boys Thrive -- ON BOYS episode Honoring Dads on Father's Day (& Always) -- ON BOYS episode mentioned at 31:48 Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy  Hank, the 90 lb. dogAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Kate Mangino is right: “The last thing any working parent needs is to add ‘solve gender inequality’ to their to-do list.”  But if we don't think about gender inequality in the home, we might end up unintentionally perpetuating it. After all, for most of our lives, females have been assumed to be the primary and "natural" caretakers of home and family, while males have been primarily expected to earn a living. Those roles are shifting, of course, but facts are facts: women still bear the brunt of household chores and do most caretaking.  Creating gender equality "We're talking about a social system that we're all born into," says Kate, a gender expert, mom of two, and author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. "The way we raise boys and the toys that we give them and the values that we instill in them lead them to value income generation more than anything else. "We have to recognize these 'tracks' we're putting our kids on and break that cycle." Men who are equal partners in their homes and families are generally very satisfied with their lives. "I feel good about myself," they told Kate. "and have a great relationship with my spouse. I have a great relationship with my kids." When we don't teach boys the skills they need to be equal partners at home, we are unnecessarily limiting them.  Teaching boys to notice what needs to be done "Noticing time" is a strategy Kate uses to teach her son and daughter the cognitive skills required to effectively manage a home. "When I give my kids a chore list, they're not going cognitive labor; I'm training my kids to be helpers," she says. "Noticing time" is intended to help kids anticipate and plan for necessary tasks. Instead of telling her kids what to do, she instead sets a timer and asks them to figure out what needs to be done. "The first time I tried this, it was a joke," she admits. The family living room was a lived-in mess, complete with empty food containers and scattered silverware. But both kids thought the room looked fine. Over time, though, their ability to notice and act improved. "They started to see what gets messy quickly," Kate says. "They realized that the sink in their bathroom is often gross, so that's a good starting point for them. Now, they know what to do and the house looks better. I'm getting both of them to the point where they're capable of doing the cognitive labor" it takes to run a home and family. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kate discuss: Ebbs and flows of gender equality at home Traditional "male" and "female" roles in the home How parenting practices affect gender equality Talking about household responsibilities Valuing caregiving How gender equality in the home benefits boys & men The "men's glass ceiling" Maternal gatekeeping "Noticing time" Establishing family standards Giving boys opportunities to contribute Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home, by Kate Mangino The Equal Partner Quiz -- mentioned at 22:35 Mom's Hierarchy of Needs -- mentioned at 19:01 Single Parenting with Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy  Sponsor Spotlight: Dr. Mary Wilde's Resilience School Online, 8-week program that includes video lessons, a downloadable workbook, and ongoing membership to The Courage Circle, a private Facebook community where families can receive support and celebrate successes.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Highly sensitive people -- boys & parents alike -- are prone to overwhelm.  They're also likely to be misunderstood (and, perhaps, misdirected) by parents, teachers, coaches, and others. "I was told my entire life, 'You're too damn sensitive,'" says Alane Freund, a licensed psychotherapist, highly sensitive person (HSP), & parent a of highly sensitive son. Alane describes 4 characteristics of highly sensitive people, which can be remembered using the acronym "DOES": Deep processing Over-arousal Strong emotional reactions Sensitivity to subtle stimuli In simple terms, a highly sensitive individual has a "more reactive" brain, Alane says, and a "finely tuned nervous system." (Fun fact: 15-20% of the members of all species may be highly sensitive. There are even highly sensitive fruit flies and sun fish!) HSPs benefit from structure and routines in daily life. Be realistic about time, and include your child in planning. You can also teach (and role model) relaxation strategies to help highly sensitive children (and adults!) reset. These strategies can help any child thrive. Unfortunately, highly sensitive boys are sometimes misdiagnosed. Because they tend to withdraw from overstimulation, they may be classified as avoidant or autistic, and highly active HSP boys are often diagnosed with ADHD. Society has yet to "make space" for the 50% of boys and men who are more sensitive and more thoughtful than the norm, Alane says. We can make progress on that front by seeing, recognizing, and appreciating highly sensitive boys. "One of the most important things we can do for children to build resiliency is to give them adults who see them -- who truly see them and are not their parents," Alane says. Parents, of course, are important, but kids need the support, appreciation, and encouragement of coaches, teachers, and others as well. With this support, highly sensitive boys can become "amazing partners, amazing leaders, and world changers," Alane says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Alane discuss: Characteristics of highly sensitive people Differences between sensory processing disorder & high sensitivity Scheduling/time management for HSPs How to prevent over-arousal Managing overwhelm Highly sensitive boys in school Why the world needs HSPs Helping HSP boys navigate masculinity and gender expectations Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: alanefreund.com -- Alane's website Alane Freund's YouTube channel The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine N. Aron (book mentioned at 5:08) The Highly Sensitive Parent: Be Brilliant in Your Role, Even When the World Overwhelms You, by Elaine N. Aron (book mentioned at 19:41) Sensitive: The Untold Story -- documentary mentioned at 35:55 (available on Amazon Prime) The Strong, Sensitive Boy: Help Your Son Become a Happy, Confident Man, by Ted Zeff (book mentioned at 38:42) Brain Power Wellness - YouTube channel mentioned at 23:21 Highly Sensitive Boys with William Allen -- ON BOYS episode Sensitive Boys (w Dr. Sandy Gluckman) -- ON BOYS episode You Asked About Age 14, Implicit Bias, & Sensitive Boys (Listener Q & A) -- ON BOYS episode Sensory Processing Disorder with Nancy Peske -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Puberty happens to every body - and boys need to know how puberty affects bodies and brains. You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes, addresses puberty in a holistic, inclusive manner. That's important because "all kids need this information," Dr. Hutchison says. "All kids need to know what all kids go through. It makes them more supportive and empathetic of each other." Boys need to understand female puberty, and all kids today need to learn about the challenges and experiences of gender non-conforming and non-binary children. Boys typically begin puberty somewhere between ages 9 to 14, but their need for accurate information starts well before that. "The earlier you talk about it, the more receptive and excited they are about these changes," Dr. Hutchison says. And boys, she says, are actually eager to learn more about how female and gender non-conforming bodies work. "Kids who know what's ahead have more confidence and less anxiety," Dr. Hutchison says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. Hutchison discuss: When boys start puberty Why it's so hard to talk about puberty Sexual abuse prevention Seizing teachable moments How to get comfortable talking about puberty & sex Talking about gender identity w kids Social aspects of puberty Satisfying sexual curiosity Talking to boys about masturbation & pornography Supporting gender diverse kids Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes Guyology -- online male puberty program Girlology -- online female puberty program Just the Facts: A Guy's Guide to Growing Up (Girology/Guyology), by Dr. Trish Hutchison & Dr. Melissa Homes Talk to Boys about Sex (w Amy Lang) -- ON BOYS podcast 21st Century Sex Ed w Jo Langford -- ON BOYS podcast Turning Red -- Disney/Pixar movie mentioned at 29:52 Period Education Project -- nonprofit mentioned at 36:41 Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

"Boy mom" Claire Zulkey is the only female in her family. (Yes, the family dogs are male too.) She's also a self-described "evil witch" & creator of Evil Witches newsletter, a fantastic community and newsletter for people who happen to be mothers and know that you can love and loathe your kids at the same time. Claire's son are now 7 and nearly 10, and she's learned to let them handle their own disagreements, for the most part. (After teaching them ways to compromise and manage conflict) "I let them be mad at each other," she says. "I let them work it out, and they do work it out." That's not to say life is always pleasant and peaceful at Claire's home. "It has been a wild year. A wild couple of years," she admits. There were lots of calls and emails from her son's school regarding his behavior. "I had a really hard time not taking it personally," Claire says. She worried that the school (& others) would think she was condoning her son's behavior -- or worse: teaching him that he could do whatever he wanted at school. Connecting with other moms (especially other "boy moms") helped her cope. "You have to find your friends," Claire says. "Your friends; not your kids' friends. Someone who takes parenting really seriously but can laugh about it." In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Claire discuss: Living with a kid with ADHD Sibling relationships Real life with boys Managing know-it-all boys & mansplaining Dealing with misbehavior at school The value of connecting with other boy moms Shifting our parenting as our boys move into middle school & puberty Younger boys learning from older boys Negative self talk Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Evil Witches newsletter - newsletter for people who happen to be mothers, by Claire Zulkey Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers -- ON BOYS episode The First Time Mom's Guide to Raising Boys: Practical Advice for Your Son's Formative Years -- Jen's book (mentioned at 24:40) Growing Up Great: The Ultimate Puberty Book for Boys -- book mentioned by Claire (at 29:07) Helping Boys Develop Healthy Body Image -- ON BOYS episode (mentioned at 29:50) What You Need to Know about Boys & Suicide -- our ON BOYS conversation w Katey McPherson (mentioned at 39:40) Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy   Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Father's Day here in America was first celebrated on June 19, 1910. It wasn’t declared an official holiday until 1972—58 years AFTER  Mother's Day was made official. Dads have long been assumed to be secondary parents, at best. But popular and persistent stereotypes of fatherhood -- though perhaps grounded in some truth -- don't accurately depict many fathers. How stereotypes hold back dads These stereotypes, though, affect boys and men. They can feed a mistrust of men and fathers that affects potential dads too. The common "incompetent father" trope (think Homer Simpson) can cause people to unconsciously assume that "you're going to be bumbling, you're going to be dangerous, you're going to make poor decisions," says Andy, a new father (and Janet's son-in-law!), who admits to internalizing those ideas. Although his son is only 3 1/2 months old, Andy has already learned the value of staying focused on the present. "I don't know how to raise my son in 5 years. I don't know what to tell him when he's 15. And I don't know that spending any time predicting is going to help me be responsive to it," he says. "What I'm learning, more and more, is that if I'm just present with him, I can figure out what's happening with him and how to respond." Braden Bell, a father, grandfather, and teacher, applauds that approach. "I'm not sure you could have better parenting advice for any age than that," Braden says. "Be present and engaged, full stop." So much over-parenting, he notes, results from parents acting on their fears, instead of responding to the present moment. Evolving expectations for fathers Like many dads, Braden and Andy are both grappling with society's evolving expectations of dads. Not that long ago, dads were expected to be breadwinners and disciplinarians. Today, fathers are involved, active parents who develop (and treasure) intimate relationships with their children. Societal shifts (such as the increasing prevalence of paternity leave) support these changes -- which research shows is good for kids, dads, moms, and society at large. In this episode, Jen, Janet, Andy & Braden discuss: Cultural stereotypes of fathers Supporting fathers Talking to boys about fatherhood How media depictions of dads have changed Dads' experience of fatherhood How staying present can decrease parental stress & anxiety - & improve parenting Supporting father involvement in schools & education Appreciating father-style parenting Father fears How dads develop intimacy The power of paternity leave Fathers supporting fathers Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Parent-Teacher Conference: A Teacher-Dad on Parenting Teens -- Braden's newsletter Dads Speak on Father's Day -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy  Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-courseAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Michael Ian Black shares some important and (mostly serious) thoughts about how to be a better man with his son -- and all of us -- in his book, A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son. The question of raising good men seems all too significant as the United States (again) wrestles with the fact that nearly all mass shooters are male. But there is hope. "Boys, in general, for all of our problems -- and we have them, & they are not insignificant -- are okay," Black says, "Boys, like girls, are resilient and strong and creative and adaptable, and need some attention, guidance, and love." With support, he says, boys can move forward in positive and constructive ways. "Boyhood and manhood do not need to be reinvented," Black says. "It doesn't even need to be altered significantly. It needs to be enhanced and expanded." Quien es Mas Macho? To help you understand the limitations and rigidity of currently cultural constructions of masculinity, consider the old Saturday Night Live skit, Quien Es Mas Macho? The 1970s skit featured Bill Murray as a game show host, asking 2 contestants to choose decide which of 2 or more (very attractive, popular, masculine) Latino men were "mas macho," or more macho? Sounds silly -- and it is, because the premise is ridiculous: the contestant are being asked to choose between people who are all stereotypically macho. But what makes it funny, Black explains, is that we can play that game -- what's more macho? -- with any 2 random items or people, and we all nearly instantaneously know the "answer." (Try it: What's more macho? Coffee or tea? A German shepherd or a poodle? Butter or margarine?) Most boys are fluent in our shared cultural vocabulary around masculinity by age 5. And when boys deviate from those expectations, they understand they're running a risk of being portrayed as more girl-ish, Black says. "If we step in the wrong place, we risk being mocked and teased," he says. To help our boys become better men, we need to work on ourselves so we can become the kind of person we want them to. We also need to "listen to them, and treat them with respect," Black says. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michael discuss: Expanding boyhood and the definitions & expectations of masculinity How the day-to-day work of parenting helps shape our boys Achievement gaps between boys and girls Helping boys become their full selves How the death of Michael's dad affected him Role-modeling "Rules" of masculinity Class clowns Listening to our boys Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The Boys Are Not All Right -- Michael's viral NYT article A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son, by Michael Ian Black michaleianblack.org -- Michael's website (includes a link to his tour schedule & upcoming shows) Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings -- BuildingBoys post by Jen (mentioned at 7:29) In Praise of the Class Clown -- Building Boys post (mentioned at 24:54) Mathew Blades on Healing Generational Trauma -- ON BOYS podcast about how to look at/deal with your own "stuff," so you can be the kind of person you want your kid to be Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Britt Hawthorne, a mom of 2 boys and author Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, says that raising antiracist kids requires teaching them to identify unfairness. It includes incorporating an anti-bias lens when doing, well, almost anything. Britt's oldest son was about 12 years old when his homework required him to imagine he was a colonist in Jamestown or Plymouth and write a letter to relatives back home in England. The boy completed the work as assigned, but his mom took it a bit farther. "Who do you think this assignment is centering?" she asked. "Who had cousins in England in 1620?" Forced labor and human trafficking was ongoing and common at the time; the lesson contained no mention of either of those things. "I wonder," she said to her, "what information is left out of this story?" We can all help our kids learn to identify unfairness and erasure. And we can show them how to take action and drive change. You can start by challenging and changing your language. Consider using "people of the global majority" instead of "BIPOC" or "people of color;" after all, at least 80% of the humans on this planet are not white. In this episode, Janet, & Britt discuss: Diversity, justice, & systemic inequities Responding to racist behavior in the classroom (and elsewhere) Educational racism Choosing homeschooling when available education options aren't serving your kids Challenging and expanding lessons, assignments, and narratives that only focus one group Embracing differences Answering kids' tough questions Differentiating between "uncomfortable" and "unsafe" -- & learning to lean into uncomfortable Language shifts that can help decenter white-ness (Example: "people of the global majority" instead of "BIPOC" or "people of color') Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide -- Britt's book britthawthorne.com -- Britt's website (includes links to her blog, antiracism workshops, & lots of free info) Addressing Racism & Racial Disparities with Hilary Beard -- ON BOYS episode Need help with your boys? Subscribe to Jen’s newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy  Sponsor Spotlight: NextGenMen Use the ON BOYS coupon code to save 15% on their Raising Next Gen Men e-courseAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy