Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Spiritual warfare isn’t something we discuss too often in the context of our day- to-day lives, much less in the context of our relationships. But by not having this conversation, what if we’re missing something? Because what if there are forces unseen at work, waging war against our hearts and against our relationships? Spiritual Warfare in Relationships According to scripture, “our battle is not simply against flesh and blood…but against the powers of this dark world…and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm” (Ephesians 6:12). According to God’s word – the struggles we face in our lives and in our relationships are often more “unseen” than we realize. Today on the podcast, our question comes from a young man who is wondering exactly if and how spiritual warfare is something that impacts our ability to have healthy relationships. Spiritual Warfare vs. Relationship Problems How do you know if the problem is in the relationship, or if it’s a spiritual attack? What are some things you can do to defend yourself from spiritual warfare? What’s the proper balance of looking at something spiritually, but not seeing everything as a spiritual attack? What’s the role of the armor of God against spiritual warfare? To tag-team this important topic, I invited my friend Dr. Tim Muehlhoff, Director of Resources Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships, and author of Defending Your Marriage: The Reality of Spiritual Battle. His latest book is an eye-opening look into the implications of spiritual warfare and how it plays out in marriage and relationships. This episode was such a challenging and convicting look into the health of our spiritual life and our spiritual lens. I hope it encourages you as much as it encouraged me. So click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 37 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to learn about spiritual warfare and relationships! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: We talked about the importance of praying as a weapon against spiritual attack. Take some time to PRAY OVER YOUR FUTURE LOVE LIFE by enrolling in the 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life Program. Learn more about Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships! For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Guard your heart”.  That’s pretty much sums up the relationship advice you get when you ask someone within the Christian culture for dating advice. But what does it mean to guard your heart, and how do you guard your heart without appearing too guarded? How To Guard Your Heart Guarding your heart really comes down to protecting your heart…because your heart is the most important part of who you are, and so it’s worth protecting. We’ve got to learn to protect our heart by setting spiritual, physical, and emotional boundaries.  Today we’re talking through some of those steps, and what it looks like to practically guard your heart from getting attached to someone prematurely. So click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 36 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to find out how to guard your heart! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you the type of person who has a hard time saying no? Because if so, the inability to say no is likely going to start impacting your health, as well as the health of your relationships. If you’re anything like the average American, you’re probably feeling burned-out and spread thin. We live in a society that has absolutely no margin. We’re so caught up in the rat race of life that we’ve lost our ability to rest, to breathe, to think, to pray, and to have space in our life to do the only thing God has called us to do: love Him and love others well. Today’s caller is feeling just that. He’s having a hard time learning to say no, and his guilt has caused him to over-commit and over-schedule, and now he’s feeling like he’s got nothing left to give to those around him. Just Say No Learning the power of no is something we don’t talk about enough as Christians. We wrongly believe that showing love automatically means saying yes all the time. But not only is that untrue, it’s also unhealthy. Learning to say no has the power to change our lives and our relationships. To talk through today’s question, I invited my good friend, author and spoken-word-artist Jefferson Bethke, to join me on the Love + Relationships Podcast. One thing I appreciate about Jeff and his wife Alyssa, is their laser-focus and their ability to set boundaries that protect their schedules, their calling, and their family. Today’s conversation is SO SO good, and even if you THINK you are good at saying no and setting boundaries and limits, this podcast episode will likely give you another perspective. Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out episode 35 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Recommended Reading – Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, and Financial Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives.  Connect with Jeff and Alyssa Bethke! For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself attracted to a non Christian? Someone who is living out a different belief system, or isn’t spiritually in tune with where you’re at with your faith? What do you do when you find yourself drawn to someone with whom you are spiritually out of sync? How much does faith matter in the context of a healthy relationship? Attracted To a Non Christian Today’s episode answers a question from Sarah from Boston who is wondering what to do when you’re attracted to someone who is not a Christian. How do you proceed with the friendship, or the relationship, without compromising your own faith? As a professional counselor who also happens to be a Christian, I’ve seen the role that faith plays in my personal relationship with my husband. But more so, the research backs it up….so let’s have this conversation about faith and romance! Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out episode 34 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Personality differences, age differences, cultural differences. We often come to relationships with a set of differences; things that set us apart and give us a unique role in the relationship we’re in. We come from different families, different experiences, and different lifestyles. And each of those differences can be an asset to our romantic lives. Differences add spice to a relationship. But let’s be honest, they also add stress. From Age Differences to Faith Differences In today’s episode, our caller wrote in specifically asking the question of age differences in a relationship. Is it okay for their to be an age difference? Does it have a negative impact on the relationship? What age range is okay and what is too far apart? There are so many “differences” that can add stress to a relationship, and age difference is certainly one of them. But differences aren’t necessarily something we should avoid – instead, they are something we need to be aware of. So in answering her question today, I decided to tackle a list of a few of the differences that tend to make marriage harder as well as what you need to know about managing those differences. Check out this episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast to hear the 5 differences that can add stress to a relationship. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it look like to pursue biblical dating? You might be surprised to know.  Being a Christian who also happens to be a Licensed Professional Counselor, I’m often asked to speak about the topic of biblical dating. How does a person date in a biblical way?  What does the bible actually say about dating? How can a Christian manage the world of dating with a God-honoring perspective? Which concepts of dating can you take from the “world” and which should you take from the bible? I wrote my book, True Love Dates, because I wanted to tackle some of these important questions and bring to light how we can apply the concepts from the bible to approach toward dating, in a way that’s spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically healthy. But this week on the podcast, the question came up yet again: How do you pursue biblical dating? Interestingly enough, the answer might surprise you. BIBLICAL DATING ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK Interestingly enough, if we look through the pages of the bible, biblical dating is non-existent. People didn’t “date” in the Middle East, and in fact, dating is still a brand new concept even today. In today’s episode of the podcast, I talk through why biblical dating isn’t actually what we think – and probably not what we want.  Yet with the reminder that God’s word is filled with concepts and principles that we can apply to dating right here and right now. Check out Episode 32 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to find out all about biblical dating. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you think you’re ready to wed – but your parents want you to wait? That’s the dilemma faced on this week’s episode of the podcast. “We’re ready to get married, but our parents want us to wait.” It can be really tricky learning how to manage the expectations of what you feel called to in your love live, versus what other trusted friends and family believe. But it’s all important and it’s all part of the equation. So when do you take into consideration when you feel ready to wed vs. what others think? How do you honor your parents in the process yet still move forward in your relationship? When do you trust what they’re saying over what you’re feeling? Ready to Wed On today’s episode, our couple is torn between feeling ready to wed, but wanting to respect and honor their parents in the process as well. Catch up on Episode 31 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to hear me talk through the answer to this question! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“I just want to have a Christ centered relationship.” In the Christian dating culture, the term “Christ centered relationship” is a familiar one….one that I’ve heard time and time again. Any Christian couple will tell you they want to keep Jesus at the center of their relationship, but what on earth does that actually mean? Does it mean you pray together and do devotions? Does it mean you go to church together on Sundays? Or could there be more than that? Are there ways you can cultivate your relationship with God as a couple? In this episode I talk about a young man that came up to me after a speaking engagement and told me he believed for sure he had a Christ centered relationship because…drum-roll please….he and his girlfriend read a devotion together every day. I just have to be honest – I think having a Christ centered relationship takes a lot more than that. I want to take some time to unpack that a little bit today. Here’s why: Being Christ-centered is not just something you do – it’s something you ARE. Me, You, and Jesus: A Christ Centered Relationship Today’s question comes from a young man who is wondering just that. He comes to the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS podcast asking: What are some practical ways to grow in your relationship with God as a couple? Tune into Episode 29 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources and Additional Show Notes: Today’s podcast was taped in front of a LIVE audience at Lancaster Bible College, be sure to check out this amazing college and be a part of the wonderful things they are doing in the lives of students and staff! Liked this episode? Check out: Single in my 30s: How To Hold On To Hope BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s talk about sex drive in marriage. Because there are a lot of false expectations out there about what sex in marriage is going to look like. I know this to be true, because I surveyed over 1,000 singles, and 1,000 married people to get their views on sex and sex drive in marriage. And the EXPECTATIONS of what sex people thought would be like, compared to the REALITY of what sex actually looked like in marriage, were drastically different. (Check out the full survey with the interesting results in my book, Choosing Marriage.) Our expectations of sex are often so far from reality. And truth be told, struggling with a low or no sex drive in marriage is not something people expect, yet something many are dealing with. As a single, you can barely control your raging sex drive (check out the Sex Drive and The Single Life: Controlling Your Sex Drive Before it Controls You Podcast Episode Here!), so it’s hard to imagine a day when you might be struggling to “feel it”. But low sex drive is something that too many people are struggling with in silence. And today, we’re talking about it. Because today’s question comes from a caller who is more than satisfied in her marriage, yet still struggling to desire sex. Her low sex drive is starting to cause stress in their marriage, and she’s not sure what to do. In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend, and author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, Sheila Gregoire. Together, we tackle this important question and talk you through what you can do when you find that you’re dealing with a low sex drive in marriage. Let’s Talk About Sex Drive in Marriage Whether you’re single, or married, male or female, this episode is an important one to be aware of! Tune into Episode 29 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Connect with Sheila Gregoire and all her resources at her blog: To Love, Honor and Vacuum. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when you find yourself single in your 30s – your mid 30s, in fact – with no prospect of love in sight? “I never imagined I’d be single in my 30s”. Today’s caller is looking for some encouragement and trying to assess whether or not she should continue to hold on to hope when she finds herself single at an age she never imagined. I’m not gonna lie, there are so many times when our life turns out different than we expected. Whether it’s with singleness, marriage, fertility issues, illness, jobs, or so many other ways that life can dissapoint. And in this world, there aren’t always answers as to why that is, but there are certainly truths we can hold on to, promises we can cling to, and lies we can make sure we’re demolishing as we move toward the desires God has placed in our heart. Single in my 30s If you find yourself single in your 30s, I hope and pray this episode offers you some practical encouragement and needed affirmation to keep moving forward. Tune into Episode 28 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Check out the Breaking Free From the Lies of Singleness Course, and receive 25% off at checkout using code: PODCAST. For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices