Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you give trust right away, or do you hesitate to trust? How does your past influence how you trust in the present? And what if you’ve been burned in your past? We are back with the first episode of season 2 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, answering this important question! To Trust, or Not To Trust: Three Types of Trust Personalities In today’s episode, I’m answering an important question from Danny from St. Louis who finds himself feeling burned from trusting too quickly in relationship because of his tendency to trust too quickly. I talk him through the three different types of trust-personalities: the walls, the free, and the fences…and the trust-temperaments that each one of them brings to relationships. 5 Ways To Build Trust in a Relationship At the end of the episode, I explain 5 important ways to develop trust. Trust in a relationship is such an important thing, but it’s not something that happens automatically, because trust has to be earned. These five things can be used to develop trust for the first time, or even rebuild trust after it’s been broken. This episode is important for anyone who has ever struggled with the topic of trust in a relationship. Click below to tune in to Episode 21 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does God want me to be single forever? How do I know whether or not I have the “gift” of singleness? How do I hold on to hope when the future seems so unknown and so unclear? So many people are struggling with these questions as they look ahead at an unknown future and wonder whether or not God has marriage in their horizon. Am I Going To Be Single Forever? There are so many things in life where we just don’t know what God has planned. But there are some truths and promises that can keep you grounded and hopeful while you wait. This final episode of Season 1 of the Love + Relationships Podcast is an important one, and one that is really close to my heart with all the waiting I have done in my life – and the waiting I continue to do in so many other ares of my life. I hope and pray that this episode will leave you encouraged as we collectively learn to trust God with the unknowns in life. We’re going to be back with the Love + Relationships Podcast, with brand new guests, topics, and episodes starting January 1st! I look forward to reconnecting with you again in the new year….but in the meantime, catch up on all the episodes, and send in all your relationship questions as we’re gearing up to record Season 2! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Ready to make some changes in your love life? Check out this 21 Day Course – 21 Days To Jump Start Your Love Life! Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating rules and advice can change with the passing of time. (Hence, I Kissed Dating Goodbye in 1990 vs True Love Dates in 2018- which is $1.99 on Kindle right now for all you bargain hunters out there  ) But there are a few concepts about dating and relationships that won’t change no matter what’s going on in our culture. Today’s caller is looking for some dating advice. She’s wondering how to know if she’s giving a relationship enough time to play out, or if she’s ending the relationships too early. THE THREE DATING RULES YOU NEED In today’s episode, I’m going to talk her through some basic dating rules using the red, green, and yellow flag concept. The greens are the things you need in a a relationship – things you’re on the lookout for. The yellows are your preferences, or even the unknowns  – things that will probably end up either in the red, or the green category with time. And the reds are the things you’ll never, ever, settle for – things that signify it’s time to STOP this relationship. You’ve got to understand and know your reds, greens, and yellows in order to have a chance at a successful dating relationship. You need to get good at recognizing what works, from what doesn’t. Because you’ve have to know when to keep moving forward in a relationship, and when to walk away. Tune in to Episode 019 of the Love + Relationships Podcast today, and let’s talk through your red, green, and yellow list! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can a woman make the first move in a relationship?  This is a question that’s always on my radar, because I know it’s going to come in about every single Q&A session I have – and let’s be honest, it’s a rather controversial topic. Truth be told, the answer to this question has changed over the years with the changing of culture and opinions and norms. But it’s a topic that’s holding a lot of women back and it’s about time we had this conversation on the podcast. Who Should Make The First Move? For many years, the majority of people would have answered no to this question, saying that a woman shouldn’t make the first move in a relationship. Some people said it wasn’t their preference for a woman to initiate a relationship. Others said it wasn’t biblical. Still today, 35% of readers that I polled on the blog believe that it’s not okay for a woman to initiate a relationship. But I respectfully disagree.  There are four reasons why I think it’s totally okay for a woman to make the first move in a relationship, and today on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to break it down with why I think it’s perfectly okay for a woman to take initiative and make a move. With a few exceptions that I’m going to cover, as well as a few things to be on the lookout for that signify a healthy relationship. Whether you’re a male or female, you don’t want to miss Episode 018 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Click here to read an outline of the Top 10 Relationship Killers.  Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s not usually the big things that cause relationship problems…it’s the small things.  It’s the little things that go unaddressed and add up with time that end up causing more damage in a relationship than anyone ever expects. So how do you avoid them? You start by recognizing them. Top 10 Relationship Problems There’s a few big picture things that can really mess with your relationship and with your marriage. The problem is, most people don’t know about these things. They aren’t on the lookout. And then they come into counseling years later when their marriage is practically on life support. This is why I believe the more we know, the better we will do. And that’s exactly why I want to take the time to talk through these relationship problems on this episode of the podcast. So tune in to Episode 017 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to listen to this important conversation addressing 10 major relationship problems that you need to know about! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Click here to read an outline of the Top 10 Relationship Killers.  Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself oversharing in a relationship? You know what I mean, right? I’m talking about those conversations where you find yourself saying WAY too much, WAY too soon? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, why on earth did I say all that?  Or maybe you know someone, someone who you’re in a relationship with, who tends to overshare. What is it about oversharing, and why do we do it? How can we draw the line between being authentic, but also not saying way more than we need to? How do we apply this to the world of dating and relationships? Oversharing in Relationships Today’s caller is a Melissa – a woman who is struggling with oversharing. She’s wondering why she overshares, and how to know when she’s shared too much. Specifically, she’s dealing with oversharing about her sexual history – finding herself always leading the way with that conversation. On today’s episode, she’s calling in today to talk through some of the issues this has brought up in her relationships. “Because your sexual history may shape you, but it doesn’t define you.” 10 Things NOT TO SHARE early on There are a few reasons why people overshare, and specifically when it comes to our past, we need to understand why we overshare, what’s important to share, and where we need to tone it down. I talk through some reasons we overshare in this episode, because just like I tell Melissa: “It’s not healthy to dive into the deep end of a relationship, before you’ve walked through the shallow end.” So after my conversation with Melissa, I’m talking you through some practicals: 10 things NOT to talk about too soon in a relationship – especially when you’re first getting to know someone in a dating relationship (or even in the early stages of a friendship). Who Should I Share With? And lastly, on this episode I’m talking through the three groups of people in your life, how to categorize them, and understand how much to share with each group. Whether you’re dating, single, or navigating friendships, tune in to Episode 016 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, to listen to this important conversation about oversharing! Episode Highlights: What does oversharing look like? Why do we overshare in relationships? What are some subjects we should stay away from? When do we share mental health issues? Sexual history? 10 things NOT to talk about early on in a relationship. How to recognize who to share with, and who not to. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is there such a thing as “the one”? Do you believe that there’s only one person out there for you to marry? And if so, how does that impact your relationship choices? Today I’m talking through this issue, and telling you all about how my husband and I had completely different experiences when we first met. At the end of the day, whether you take my side, or my husband’s side on the issue – it doesn’t really matter, because no matter what you believe about the one, you’ve still got to do the work of getting yourself in a healthy relationship. 3 Things You Need To Know About Finding The One No matter what your views about the one, you need to check out this mini-episode and find out three key things to remember when it comes to “finding the one”. Tune in to Episode 015 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, to find out what they are! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: If you liked this episode, check out this article: You Don’t Find the One, You Choose The One Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Sex Drive and The Single Life: Controlling Your Desires Before They Control You Dig Deeper with some scripture for healthy relationships: Proverbs 31:10-31, 18:22, 14:1, 12:4; 1 Timothy 5:14; 1 Peter 3:1-6). Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. And check out this awesome feature article about TrueLoveDates.com and Choosing Marriage at DatingNews.com   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How far is too far when it comes to physical touch before marriage? I’m sure you’re not shocked to hear that it’s one of the most frequently asked questions I receive at my relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com. How far is too far? On today’s mini-episode (18 minutes!) I’m answering just that! In this quick episode, I’m offering some practical, bite-sized advice for anyone who has ever wondered where to draw the line with physical touch before marriage. I’m going to talk you through the 12 stages of physical touch and explain to you when I believe physical touch goes from the green zone, to the yellow zone, to the red zone. If you’ve ever wondered how far is too far to go physically in a dating relationship, you’re going to want to tune in to Episode 014 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, where we talk candidly about all things love, sex, dating, singleness and marriage. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Sex Drive and The Single Life: Controlling Your Desires Before They Control You Dig Deeper: Check out the Sex and The Single Life Audio Lesson Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You don’t have to like being single. Yes, even you, Christian person. It’s okay to struggle with being single! It really is. I’m giving you – reading this post – permission to go ahead and feel those feelings. And in this episode, I’m going to tell you exactly why. On this episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast, I’m talking to a young woman who is struggling with singleness. She’s just not feeling content. How can you survive singleness in a world that seems to revolve around marriage? How can you keep from getting discouraged when you’re not in a relationship but want to be? What do you do when you find yourself living in a season of waiting…and waiting…and waiting? What do you do when it seems like the people who AREN’T doing it God’s way are being “blessed”, and you feel like you’re trying to follow God’s leading and you’re feeling like life just isn’t working out for you? What can you do while you’re waiting? Let’s have this conversation, friends. Being Single Doesn’t Have To Be Time To Kill After our chat, I’m going to talk you through some of the TOP 10 ways to use this time of singleness in your life as a time of preparation, rather than just a time you’re wishing away. Being single doesn’t have to ruin your life…in fact, it shouldn’t. So we’re going to discuss the things my married friends WISHED they would have done during their time of singleness, and I think it’s important to talk through some of this stuff. Because it’s so easy to look at what God is NOT doing, instead of what He IS doing (CLICK TO TWEET IT!). We’ve got to learn to adjust our perspective on being single. You don’t have to like being single – but you do have to learn how to NOT LET SINGLENESS hold you back!! Singleness might be a struggle for you, but don’t let it be a stronghold that paralyzes you from living! We’re talking through this delicate topic today, and I hope you’ll stick around and join us, because you’re going to love this candid conversation so get ready to for Episode 013 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Sex Drive and The Single Life: Controlling Your Desires Before They Control You Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Check out these articles: 7 LIES THAT ARE KEEPING YOU SINGLE or 3 THINGS MARRIED PEOPLE SHOULD STOP SAYING TO SINGLES Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are some fun date ideas and practical suggestions for a successful first date? On the other end of the spectrum, what are some practical suggestions for married couples who want to carve out some special time each week to date? Dating looks different today than it did 20 years ago. Scratch that, dating looks different today than it did LAST YEAR. In this episode, we are talking through ins and outs of a date in 2018. My caller today wants to know some practical suggestions to making the first date a success. So I turn the tables on her and ask her some important questions! Where is the best place to go on a first date? What do you talk about? Who pays the bill? Who should initiate? When should you follow up after the date? If you’ve ever wondered how to pull of a fantastic first date, I’m revealing some fascinating survey results about what people expect a first date to look like. FIRST DATE IDEAS TO MARRIED DATE IDEAS Then at the end of the episode, we talk to the married friends out there. Because God knows a “date night out” every single week is not the norm, I’m going to give you our top 10 date night IN ideas!! These date ideas are things John and I have done from the comfort of our own home to make some time to connect and enjoy each other’s company. They’re cheap, convenient, easy, and most of them don’t require much planning ahead. So whether you’re single, or married – get ready to talk about the ultimate date and get some really practical date ideas to get you motivated! You’re going to love this fun conversation so get ready to for Episode 012 of the Love + Relationships Podcast. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? If so, check out this popular episode called HOW IMPORTANT IS PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Ready to Jump Start Your Love Life? CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED! Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices