Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

What happens when you think you’re ready to wed – but your parents want you to wait? That’s the dilemma faced on this week’s episode of the podcast. “We’re ready to get married, but our parents want us to wait.” It can be really tricky learning how to manage the expectations of what you feel called to in your love live, versus what other trusted friends and family believe. But it’s all important and it’s all part of the equation. So when do you take into consideration when you feel ready to wed vs. what others think? How do you honor your parents in the process yet still move forward in your relationship? When do you trust what they’re saying over what you’re feeling? Ready to Wed On today’s episode, our couple is torn between feeling ready to wed, but wanting to respect and honor their parents in the process as well. Catch up on Episode 31 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to hear me talk through the answer to this question! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“I just want to have a Christ centered relationship.” In the Christian dating culture, the term “Christ centered relationship” is a familiar one….one that I’ve heard time and time again. Any Christian couple will tell you they want to keep Jesus at the center of their relationship, but what on earth does that actually mean? Does it mean you pray together and do devotions? Does it mean you go to church together on Sundays? Or could there be more than that? Are there ways you can cultivate your relationship with God as a couple? In this episode I talk about a young man that came up to me after a speaking engagement and told me he believed for sure he had a Christ centered relationship because…drum-roll please….he and his girlfriend read a devotion together every day. I just have to be honest – I think having a Christ centered relationship takes a lot more than that. I want to take some time to unpack that a little bit today. Here’s why: Being Christ-centered is not just something you do – it’s something you ARE. Me, You, and Jesus: A Christ Centered Relationship Today’s question comes from a young man who is wondering just that. He comes to the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS podcast asking: What are some practical ways to grow in your relationship with God as a couple? Tune into Episode 29 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources and Additional Show Notes: Today’s podcast was taped in front of a LIVE audience at Lancaster Bible College, be sure to check out this amazing college and be a part of the wonderful things they are doing in the lives of students and staff! Liked this episode? Check out: Single in my 30s: How To Hold On To Hope BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s talk about sex drive in marriage. Because there are a lot of false expectations out there about what sex in marriage is going to look like. I know this to be true, because I surveyed over 1,000 singles, and 1,000 married people to get their views on sex and sex drive in marriage. And the EXPECTATIONS of what sex people thought would be like, compared to the REALITY of what sex actually looked like in marriage, were drastically different. (Check out the full survey with the interesting results in my book, Choosing Marriage.) Our expectations of sex are often so far from reality. And truth be told, struggling with a low or no sex drive in marriage is not something people expect, yet something many are dealing with. As a single, you can barely control your raging sex drive (check out the Sex Drive and The Single Life: Controlling Your Sex Drive Before it Controls You Podcast Episode Here!), so it’s hard to imagine a day when you might be struggling to “feel it”. But low sex drive is something that too many people are struggling with in silence. And today, we’re talking about it. Because today’s question comes from a caller who is more than satisfied in her marriage, yet still struggling to desire sex. Her low sex drive is starting to cause stress in their marriage, and she’s not sure what to do. In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend, and author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, Sheila Gregoire. Together, we tackle this important question and talk you through what you can do when you find that you’re dealing with a low sex drive in marriage. Let’s Talk About Sex Drive in Marriage Whether you’re single, or married, male or female, this episode is an important one to be aware of! Tune into Episode 29 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Connect with Sheila Gregoire and all her resources at her blog: To Love, Honor and Vacuum. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when you find yourself single in your 30s – your mid 30s, in fact – with no prospect of love in sight? “I never imagined I’d be single in my 30s”. Today’s caller is looking for some encouragement and trying to assess whether or not she should continue to hold on to hope when she finds herself single at an age she never imagined. I’m not gonna lie, there are so many times when our life turns out different than we expected. Whether it’s with singleness, marriage, fertility issues, illness, jobs, or so many other ways that life can dissapoint. And in this world, there aren’t always answers as to why that is, but there are certainly truths we can hold on to, promises we can cling to, and lies we can make sure we’re demolishing as we move toward the desires God has placed in our heart. Single in my 30s If you find yourself single in your 30s, I hope and pray this episode offers you some practical encouragement and needed affirmation to keep moving forward. Tune into Episode 28 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Check out the Breaking Free From the Lies of Singleness Course, and receive 25% off at checkout using code: PODCAST. For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oneness in marriage. What does it look like for two people to practically become one?  When we talk about oneness in marriage, we often focus on the deep spiritual and physical connection of two becoming one. But what about the practical stuff? The house? The decorations? The furniture? The bed? The closet? We often forget that there’s actually sacrifice and selflessness involved in the practical, day-to-day aspects of becoming one that people overlook.  Oneness in Marriage Today’s caller is wondering how to make her future husband feel at home as he prepares to move into her house due to a long distance relationship. He’s leaving his world and uprooting miles away to join hers – her home, her friends, her life, her things. Because of this, she’s calling to as a really important question: what does oneness looks like in a practical sense? Tune into Episode 27 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heart break doesn’t have to be the norm…if you know what to avoid, that is. In this episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, we turn the tables on last weeks popular episode, 10 Guys You Shouldn’t Date by introducing you to the 10 Women You Shouldn’t Date. Avoiding Heart Break These 10 ladies will string you on…drag you down…and break your heart. But it doesn’t have to be that way, because you can learn what to look for. Each of them possesses certain traits that we’re going to throw in the red flag category, and teach you exactly what to be on the lookout for. Learn how to recognize these types of women and quickly move on. Tune into Episode 26 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Hey Debra! I have a pattern of dating the bad boys. How do I recognize the type of guy I should date, from the type of guy I shouldn’t date? When it comes to dating relationships, there is definitely such a thing as red flags in a relationship. The problem is, depending on our level of health and awareness – we can often either ignore the red flags or make excuses for them all together. The reasons so many people find themselves drawn to toxic relationships is complex, and one that I would encourage you to read about more in this article called “Why You Always Date Jerks“. But make no mistake about it – these bad boys can be recognized from a distance – and the healthier you are, the more quickly and easily you’ll be able to recognize a bad boy when he comes along. Dating The Bad Boys: What To Look For But in this episode – we’re not talking about the WHY….we’re talking about the WHAT. What are the traits that help us recognize when a guy is not good for us? In this 25th of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, I’m talking you through a list of 10 guys that you need to avoid like the plague if you start noticing these qualities in your relationship. Because what you see in dating, you’ll see multiplied times 100 in marriage….the good, the bad, and the ugly. Tune in and subscribe by clicking below! And be sure to tune in next week when we talk about the 10 Girls You Shouldn’t Date! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: “Hey Debra, I’d love to hear your thoughts about if and how birth order impacts a relationship”.  A: Are you the oldest child, middle child, or the baby of your family? Believe it or not, how you answer that question will actually have a significant impact on the type of person you turn out to be – as well as how you do relationships. Your birth order can have a significant impact on your love life, so it’s important to understand the dynamics that are at play.  In this episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, I’m joined by two of my friends and leading marriage voices in the country, Dave and Ashley Willis from Marriage Today. Together, Dave, Ashley and I talk through what we know about birth order – why it’s an actual thing, and how we’ve seen it impact relationships. In this episode, we talk through: Birth Order Episode: We cover the characteristics of a first born child (or only child), including strengths and weaknesses. The three of us talk through characteristics of a middle child, including strengths and weaknesses. We discuss characteristics of a the baby of the family, including strengths and weaknesses. What it’s like to be a first born married to a first born (Interesting to note, everyone on this episode is a first born!) A hilarious story of how the Willis’ totally played into the middle child stereotype with their middle child. Some interesting look at an informal survey I took revealing the birth order we tend to be attracted to in relationships. How to deal with opposite characteristics of birth order in relationships, because this is an issue that often comes up. The caveats that need to be addressed when discussing birth order. It’s a super fun and informative episode, so I hope you’ll take the time to tune in to our conversation and find out the strengths and weaknesses of YOUR specific birth order – and how it might be impacting your closest relationships. So subscribe and click below to tune in to episode 23 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Dave and Ashley Willis have become some of America’s most trusted teachers on marriage. Their books, blogs, videos and speaking events reach millions of couples worldwide. They are part of the team at XO Marriage and MarriageToday, which is the largest marriage-focused ministry in the USA. Dave and Ashley have four young sons and live near Dallas, Texas. Check out their latest book, The Naked Marriage, available for pre-order today! For another incredible resource check out Dr. Lehman’s book: The Birth Order Book, and get an in-depth look at the intricacies of birth order. For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You just got out of a relationship that you thought was going somewhere – and you’re looking for some break up advice. Trust me, I know…your heart feels like it’s never going to heal. They say breaking up is hard to do. And they’re right.  Maybe you are the one that ended the relationship. Maybe things were going well and you got blind-sided. Or maybe, you were slowly starting to drift apart…and this was the inevitable next step. Whatever it is, breaking up is hard to do. Dealing with a break up isn’t as cut and dry as it seems, and if you’re not careful, you can find yourself getting sucked back in – sometimes time and time again – to a relationship that’s neither good for you nor good for the other person. Break Up Advice: 10 Steps To Healing So how do you deal with a break up? How do you get to the point where your heart can begin to heal and move forward? In today’s episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, we’re talking through that very thing. Because the choices you make today can either propel you toward healing and hope – or keep you back. There are 10 things that you need to be doing after a break up to make sure your heart is heading toward healing. Take a few minutes to listen to this quick episode by subscribing to the podcast and clicking below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: If you’d prefer to read along, you can find a summary of this episode at this link: How To Get Over a Break Up If you’re struggling to set physical boundaries in a dating relationship, here’s the podcast I recommended: How Far Is Too Far? Physical Boundaries Before Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you think about communication in marriage, what comes to mind? When I was gathering data for my book, Choosing Marriage, I asked singles to tell me how much time they thought married couples spend in quality communication each week. Then, I surveyed married couples asking them how much time they spend in quality communication each week…and the different answers that came in were almost laughable (I tell you all about the stats it in this episode and why married couples aren’t actually talking!) There was such a drastic difference between what singles thought communication in marriage looked like, vs. what married people actually reported communication in marriage to be.  But there are so many things that get in the way of communication in marriage. Life. Jobs. Kids. If we’re not constantly trying to move together in marriage, we’ll find ourselves moving apart. MARRIAGE COUNSELORS TALKING REAL COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE In today’s episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and marriage counselor, Dr. Kim Kimberling. We cover some of these issues that can come up with communication and connection in marriage. We talk about our own respective marriages, some of the challenges and successes we face when it comes to communication in marriage. We talk about child-centric homes, why they’re dangerous to marriage, and what to do about it. How to set some boundaries with your kids so you can enrich your marriage. We talk about some steps you can take to build your marriage or restore it when you’re feeling off-track. Why most married couples aren’t spending enough time together, and how to make it happen. We talk about the importance of the first 10-minutes of contact with your spouse. We talk about who should initiate communication and why it matters. We also share some ways we stay connected to our spouses and some practices that you can apply to your marriage to stay connected….and so much more! This episode is so full of amazing conversation and insight. You’re going to love it! Whether you’re single, or married, or somewhere in between – take the time to tune into Episode 22 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Be sure to connect with today’s guest, Dr. Kim Kimberling and all his encouraging marriage resources at AwesomeMarriage.com. And be sure to check out his new book, 14 Keys To Lasting Love: How To Have The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted Learn more about communication by checking out this article: You Have Walls, And They’re Keeping People Out. The Truth About Communication in Marriage. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices