Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Time is everything. In fact, it’s one of the most valuable things you have to give to the people around you…because it’s the only thing you can never get back. The past two episodes, we’ve been talking about how we protect our marriage. We started with talking about our emotions in episode 39, our interactions in episode 40, and today we’re talking about our time. Time is your most valuable commodity. But with the lures of social media, iPhones in every pocket, a dozen texts and emails to answer, and a stream of Netflix at your fingertips, it’s easy for your time to get away from you. But if you’re not careful, you can find that your time is going to the inanimate – instead of the intimate. TIME MATTERS One of the survey results I write about in Choosing Marriage, has to do with the amount of married people who report spending their time on separate hobbies and interests. There’s a lot of time getting lost on things that don’t really matter, and it’s having serious impact on our marriages. In this episode, we talk through some of the things we do in our marriage and how we prioritize our time for one another, because if you’re not intentional – it just won’t happen. Tune into the last part of the Protecting Your Marriage Series of Conversations With My Husband. Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 41 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage OTHER BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. (Debra’s New Book: Love In Every Season Coming January 2020, Pre-Order Today!) And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Boundaries with the opposite sex may not be something we’re comfortable talking about, but it’s a necessary conversation. It’s easy to say we should have boundaries in a marriage, but then actually talking through the specifics of what those boundaries look like is something most couples don’t actually sit down to do. A few years ago in the media, a political leader who talked about his boundaries with the opposite sex sparked a fury of heated conversations around the country. In fact, an article about this very topic on my blog sparked some additional controversy as well. It’s clear this is a topic people don’t always agree on. So what’s too much when it comes to boundaries, and what is not enough? Boundaries With the Opposite Sex What does it practically look like to protect your marriage by setting boundaries, specifically with your interactions with the opposite sex? Last week on the Love + Relationships Podcast we talked through the boundaries we set with our emotions, and today on the podcast we’re talking through the boundaries we set up with our interactions on Part 2 of this three part series with my husband. The conversation you’re about to hear is about the things WE have chosen to do for our marriage. You may agree with some of it, and you may not…but let’s start by having the conversation, and getting comfortable talking through it. Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 40 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.  (Debra’s New Book: Love In Every Season Coming January 2020, Pre-Order Today!) And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you protect your marriage? What do you and your husband do to keep your marriage strong? What’s your secret sauce to marriage? Are there things you do to keep connected in your marriage?  These are some of the questions that came in over the past few months, and I am so glad say that I can finally answer them, because Season 3 of the Love + Relationships Podcast is officially here!!!! And you guys are going to be so excited about this highly anticipated guest on the podcast… I can’t believe it’s taken until Season 3 to get him on, but life…and kids…and schedules…have gotten in the way. But he’s finally here!!! And I’m so excited to have him! Today we’re talking about a subject that’s so close to our heart: How to PROTECT your marriage. PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE Specifically, we’re talking about the three intruders that are known to get in the way of a healthy marriage. These intruders are quiet, and sly, and sneaky – but if you aren’t careful, you’ll find them starting to creep in and separate your hearts and your lives from one another. Join John and me, and get a front row look into our relationship and the things we do to be DELIBERATE and INTENTIONAL about protecting our love and drawing closer to one another. I love this episode so much, and I know you will to. Tune in to Part 1 of this 3 part series with my husband, John Fileta! Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 39 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to learn about causal dating! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER – SPOTIFY – GOOGLE PLAY –  iHEART RADIO Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.  (Debra’s New Book: Love In Every Season Coming January 2020, Pre-Order Today!) And Check out Debra’s Love + Relationships Podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There’s a lot of casual dating going on these days…and it’s starting to get confusing.  Is it okay to date casually? And if so, is there a limit to how casual you should be when interacting with the opposite sex.  Today’s question comes from a young woman who is struggling with the latest trend of casual dating where a guy can hang out with as many girls as he wants (or vice versa) in the name of “casual dating”.  Casual Dating Can’t Stay Casual The problem is that people tend to think in two extremes. Either they are way too casual and keep the relationship ambiguous and commitment free for FAR too long, or they’re on the other end of the spectrum in which they see dating as a near marriage commitment.  They’re unwilling to consider anything casual and they expect a relationship to start seriously from the get-go.  But BOTH of these mentalities can be harmful, and in this episode of the podcast we talk through the ins and outs of how to do “casual dating” in a healthy way, and the red flags you need to be aware of along the way. I’m going to bring up a few important questions you need to ask yourself if you want to know how to do causal dating well.  So click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 37 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to learn about causal dating! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Spiritual warfare isn’t something we discuss too often in the context of our day- to-day lives, much less in the context of our relationships. But by not having this conversation, what if we’re missing something? Because what if there are forces unseen at work, waging war against our hearts and against our relationships? Spiritual Warfare in Relationships According to scripture, “our battle is not simply against flesh and blood…but against the powers of this dark world…and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm” (Ephesians 6:12). According to God’s word – the struggles we face in our lives and in our relationships are often more “unseen” than we realize. Today on the podcast, our question comes from a young man who is wondering exactly if and how spiritual warfare is something that impacts our ability to have healthy relationships. Spiritual Warfare vs. Relationship Problems How do you know if the problem is in the relationship, or if it’s a spiritual attack? What are some things you can do to defend yourself from spiritual warfare? What’s the proper balance of looking at something spiritually, but not seeing everything as a spiritual attack? What’s the role of the armor of God against spiritual warfare? To tag-team this important topic, I invited my friend Dr. Tim Muehlhoff, Director of Resources Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships, and author of Defending Your Marriage: The Reality of Spiritual Battle. His latest book is an eye-opening look into the implications of spiritual warfare and how it plays out in marriage and relationships. This episode was such a challenging and convicting look into the health of our spiritual life and our spiritual lens. I hope it encourages you as much as it encouraged me. So click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 37 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to learn about spiritual warfare and relationships! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Love + Relationships Podcast Extras: We talked about the importance of praying as a weapon against spiritual attack. Take some time to PRAY OVER YOUR FUTURE LOVE LIFE by enrolling in the 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life Program. Learn more about Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships! For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: 5 Differences That Cause Stress in Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Guard your heart”.  That’s pretty much sums up the relationship advice you get when you ask someone within the Christian culture for dating advice. But what does it mean to guard your heart, and how do you guard your heart without appearing too guarded? How To Guard Your Heart Guarding your heart really comes down to protecting your heart…because your heart is the most important part of who you are, and so it’s worth protecting. We’ve got to learn to protect our heart by setting spiritual, physical, and emotional boundaries.  Today we’re talking through some of those steps, and what it looks like to practically guard your heart from getting attached to someone prematurely. So click the buttons below to subscribe and check out Episode 36 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to find out how to guard your heart! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you the type of person who has a hard time saying no? Because if so, the inability to say no is likely going to start impacting your health, as well as the health of your relationships. If you’re anything like the average American, you’re probably feeling burned-out and spread thin. We live in a society that has absolutely no margin. We’re so caught up in the rat race of life that we’ve lost our ability to rest, to breathe, to think, to pray, and to have space in our life to do the only thing God has called us to do: love Him and love others well. Today’s caller is feeling just that. He’s having a hard time learning to say no, and his guilt has caused him to over-commit and over-schedule, and now he’s feeling like he’s got nothing left to give to those around him. Just Say No Learning the power of no is something we don’t talk about enough as Christians. We wrongly believe that showing love automatically means saying yes all the time. But not only is that untrue, it’s also unhealthy. Learning to say no has the power to change our lives and our relationships. To talk through today’s question, I invited my good friend, author and spoken-word-artist Jefferson Bethke, to join me on the Love + Relationships Podcast. One thing I appreciate about Jeff and his wife Alyssa, is their laser-focus and their ability to set boundaries that protect their schedules, their calling, and their family. Today’s conversation is SO SO good, and even if you THINK you are good at saying no and setting boundaries and limits, this podcast episode will likely give you another perspective. Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out episode 35 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Recommended Reading – Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, and Financial Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives.  Connect with Jeff and Alyssa Bethke! For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever found yourself attracted to a non Christian? Someone who is living out a different belief system, or isn’t spiritually in tune with where you’re at with your faith? What do you do when you find yourself drawn to someone with whom you are spiritually out of sync? How much does faith matter in the context of a healthy relationship? Attracted To a Non Christian Today’s episode answers a question from Sarah from Boston who is wondering what to do when you’re attracted to someone who is not a Christian. How do you proceed with the friendship, or the relationship, without compromising your own faith? As a professional counselor who also happens to be a Christian, I’ve seen the role that faith plays in my personal relationship with my husband. But more so, the research backs it up….so let’s have this conversation about faith and romance! Click the buttons below to subscribe and check out episode 34 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Personality differences, age differences, cultural differences. We often come to relationships with a set of differences; things that set us apart and give us a unique role in the relationship we’re in. We come from different families, different experiences, and different lifestyles. And each of those differences can be an asset to our romantic lives. Differences add spice to a relationship. But let’s be honest, they also add stress. From Age Differences to Faith Differences In today’s episode, our caller wrote in specifically asking the question of age differences in a relationship. Is it okay for their to be an age difference? Does it have a negative impact on the relationship? What age range is okay and what is too far apart? There are so many “differences” that can add stress to a relationship, and age difference is certainly one of them. But differences aren’t necessarily something we should avoid – instead, they are something we need to be aware of. So in answering her question today, I decided to tackle a list of a few of the differences that tend to make marriage harder as well as what you need to know about managing those differences. Check out this episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast to hear the 5 differences that can add stress to a relationship. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it look like to pursue biblical dating? You might be surprised to know.  Being a Christian who also happens to be a Licensed Professional Counselor, I’m often asked to speak about the topic of biblical dating. How does a person date in a biblical way?  What does the bible actually say about dating? How can a Christian manage the world of dating with a God-honoring perspective? Which concepts of dating can you take from the “world” and which should you take from the bible? I wrote my book, True Love Dates, because I wanted to tackle some of these important questions and bring to light how we can apply the concepts from the bible to approach toward dating, in a way that’s spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically healthy. But this week on the podcast, the question came up yet again: How do you pursue biblical dating? Interestingly enough, the answer might surprise you. BIBLICAL DATING ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK Interestingly enough, if we look through the pages of the bible, biblical dating is non-existent. People didn’t “date” in the Middle East, and in fact, dating is still a brand new concept even today. In today’s episode of the podcast, I talk through why biblical dating isn’t actually what we think – and probably not what we want.  Yet with the reminder that God’s word is filled with concepts and principles that we can apply to dating right here and right now. Check out Episode 32 of the Love + Relationships Podcast to find out all about biblical dating. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another great episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices