Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast

Oneness in marriage. What does it look like for two people to practically become one?  When we talk about oneness in marriage, we often focus on the deep spiritual and physical connection of two becoming one. But what about the practical stuff? The house? The decorations? The furniture? The bed? The closet? We often forget that there’s actually sacrifice and selflessness involved in the practical, day-to-day aspects of becoming one that people overlook.  Oneness in Marriage Today’s caller is wondering how to make her future husband feel at home as he prepares to move into her house due to a long distance relationship. He’s leaving his world and uprooting miles away to join hers – her home, her friends, her life, her things. Because of this, she’s calling to as a really important question: what does oneness looks like in a practical sense? Tune into Episode 27 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heart break doesn’t have to be the norm…if you know what to avoid, that is. In this episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, we turn the tables on last weeks popular episode, 10 Guys You Shouldn’t Date by introducing you to the 10 Women You Shouldn’t Date. Avoiding Heart Break These 10 ladies will string you on…drag you down…and break your heart. But it doesn’t have to be that way, because you can learn what to look for. Each of them possesses certain traits that we’re going to throw in the red flag category, and teach you exactly what to be on the lookout for. Learn how to recognize these types of women and quickly move on. Tune into Episode 26 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST by subscribing and clicking the links below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: Hey Debra! I have a pattern of dating the bad boys. How do I recognize the type of guy I should date, from the type of guy I shouldn’t date? When it comes to dating relationships, there is definitely such a thing as red flags in a relationship. The problem is, depending on our level of health and awareness – we can often either ignore the red flags or make excuses for them all together. The reasons so many people find themselves drawn to toxic relationships is complex, and one that I would encourage you to read about more in this article called “Why You Always Date Jerks“. But make no mistake about it – these bad boys can be recognized from a distance – and the healthier you are, the more quickly and easily you’ll be able to recognize a bad boy when he comes along. Dating The Bad Boys: What To Look For But in this episode – we’re not talking about the WHY….we’re talking about the WHAT. What are the traits that help us recognize when a guy is not good for us? In this 25th of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, I’m talking you through a list of 10 guys that you need to avoid like the plague if you start noticing these qualities in your relationship. Because what you see in dating, you’ll see multiplied times 100 in marriage….the good, the bad, and the ugly. Tune in and subscribe by clicking below! And be sure to tune in next week when we talk about the 10 Girls You Shouldn’t Date! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out the entire episode listing: LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Q: “Hey Debra, I’d love to hear your thoughts about if and how birth order impacts a relationship”.  A: Are you the oldest child, middle child, or the baby of your family? Believe it or not, how you answer that question will actually have a significant impact on the type of person you turn out to be – as well as how you do relationships. Your birth order can have a significant impact on your love life, so it’s important to understand the dynamics that are at play.  In this episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, I’m joined by two of my friends and leading marriage voices in the country, Dave and Ashley Willis from Marriage Today. Together, Dave, Ashley and I talk through what we know about birth order – why it’s an actual thing, and how we’ve seen it impact relationships. In this episode, we talk through: Birth Order Episode: We cover the characteristics of a first born child (or only child), including strengths and weaknesses. The three of us talk through characteristics of a middle child, including strengths and weaknesses. We discuss characteristics of a the baby of the family, including strengths and weaknesses. What it’s like to be a first born married to a first born (Interesting to note, everyone on this episode is a first born!) A hilarious story of how the Willis’ totally played into the middle child stereotype with their middle child. Some interesting look at an informal survey I took revealing the birth order we tend to be attracted to in relationships. How to deal with opposite characteristics of birth order in relationships, because this is an issue that often comes up. The caveats that need to be addressed when discussing birth order. It’s a super fun and informative episode, so I hope you’ll take the time to tune in to our conversation and find out the strengths and weaknesses of YOUR specific birth order – and how it might be impacting your closest relationships. So subscribe and click below to tune in to episode 23 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Dave and Ashley Willis have become some of America’s most trusted teachers on marriage. Their books, blogs, videos and speaking events reach millions of couples worldwide. They are part of the team at XO Marriage and MarriageToday, which is the largest marriage-focused ministry in the USA. Dave and Ashley have four young sons and live near Dallas, Texas. Check out their latest book, The Naked Marriage, available for pre-order today! For another incredible resource check out Dr. Lehman’s book: The Birth Order Book, and get an in-depth look at the intricacies of birth order. For another fun episode of the Love + Relationships Podcast check out: Oversharing in Relationships – 10 Things Not To Talk About Too Soon BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You just got out of a relationship that you thought was going somewhere – and you’re looking for some break up advice. Trust me, I know…your heart feels like it’s never going to heal. They say breaking up is hard to do. And they’re right.  Maybe you are the one that ended the relationship. Maybe things were going well and you got blind-sided. Or maybe, you were slowly starting to drift apart…and this was the inevitable next step. Whatever it is, breaking up is hard to do. Dealing with a break up isn’t as cut and dry as it seems, and if you’re not careful, you can find yourself getting sucked back in – sometimes time and time again – to a relationship that’s neither good for you nor good for the other person. Break Up Advice: 10 Steps To Healing So how do you deal with a break up? How do you get to the point where your heart can begin to heal and move forward? In today’s episode of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST, we’re talking through that very thing. Because the choices you make today can either propel you toward healing and hope – or keep you back. There are 10 things that you need to be doing after a break up to make sure your heart is heading toward healing. Take a few minutes to listen to this quick episode by subscribing to the podcast and clicking below. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: If you’d prefer to read along, you can find a summary of this episode at this link: How To Get Over a Break Up If you’re struggling to set physical boundaries in a dating relationship, here’s the podcast I recommended: How Far Is Too Far? Physical Boundaries Before Marriage BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you think about communication in marriage, what comes to mind? When I was gathering data for my book, Choosing Marriage, I asked singles to tell me how much time they thought married couples spend in quality communication each week. Then, I surveyed married couples asking them how much time they spend in quality communication each week…and the different answers that came in were almost laughable (I tell you all about the stats it in this episode and why married couples aren’t actually talking!) There was such a drastic difference between what singles thought communication in marriage looked like, vs. what married people actually reported communication in marriage to be.  But there are so many things that get in the way of communication in marriage. Life. Jobs. Kids. If we’re not constantly trying to move together in marriage, we’ll find ourselves moving apart. MARRIAGE COUNSELORS TALKING REAL COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE In today’s episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and marriage counselor, Dr. Kim Kimberling. We cover some of these issues that can come up with communication and connection in marriage. We talk about our own respective marriages, some of the challenges and successes we face when it comes to communication in marriage. We talk about child-centric homes, why they’re dangerous to marriage, and what to do about it. How to set some boundaries with your kids so you can enrich your marriage. We talk about some steps you can take to build your marriage or restore it when you’re feeling off-track. Why most married couples aren’t spending enough time together, and how to make it happen. We talk about the importance of the first 10-minutes of contact with your spouse. We talk about who should initiate communication and why it matters. We also share some ways we stay connected to our spouses and some practices that you can apply to your marriage to stay connected….and so much more! This episode is so full of amazing conversation and insight. You’re going to love it! Whether you’re single, or married, or somewhere in between – take the time to tune into Episode 22 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST. Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Be sure to connect with today’s guest, Dr. Kim Kimberling and all his encouraging marriage resources at AwesomeMarriage.com. And be sure to check out his new book, 14 Keys To Lasting Love: How To Have The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted Learn more about communication by checking out this article: You Have Walls, And They’re Keeping People Out. The Truth About Communication in Marriage. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you build trust in a relationship? Do you give trust right away, or do you hesitate to trust? How does your past influence how you trust in the present? And what if you’ve been burned in your past? We are back with the first episode of season 2 of the Love + Relationships Podcast, answering this important question! To Trust, or Not To Trust: Three Types of Trust Personalities In today’s episode, I’m answering an important question from Danny from St. Louis who finds himself feeling burned from trusting too quickly in relationship because of his tendency to trust too quickly. I talk him through the three different types of trust-personalities: the walls, the free, and the fences…and the trust-temperaments that each one of them brings to relationships. 5 Ways To Build Trust in a Relationship At the end of the episode, I explain 5 important ways to develop trust. Trust in a relationship is such an important thing, but it’s not something that happens automatically, because trust has to be earned. These five things can be used to develop trust for the first time, or even rebuild trust after it’s been broken. This episode is important for anyone who has ever struggled with the topic of trust in a relationship. Click below to tune in to Episode 21 of the LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS Podcast! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out this episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does God want me to be single forever? How do I know whether or not I have the “gift” of singleness? How do I hold on to hope when the future seems so unknown and so unclear? So many people are struggling with these questions as they look ahead at an unknown future and wonder whether or not God has marriage in their horizon. Am I Going To Be Single Forever? There are so many things in life where we just don’t know what God has planned. But there are some truths and promises that can keep you grounded and hopeful while you wait. This final episode of Season 1 of the Love + Relationships Podcast is an important one, and one that is really close to my heart with all the waiting I have done in my life – and the waiting I continue to do in so many other ares of my life. I hope and pray that this episode will leave you encouraged as we collectively learn to trust God with the unknowns in life. We’re going to be back with the Love + Relationships Podcast, with brand new guests, topics, and episodes starting January 1st! I look forward to reconnecting with you again in the new year….but in the meantime, catch up on all the episodes, and send in all your relationship questions as we’re gearing up to record Season 2! Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Ready to make some changes in your love life? Check out this 21 Day Course – 21 Days To Jump Start Your Love Life! Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. BOOKS BY DEBRA Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating rules and advice can change with the passing of time. (Hence, I Kissed Dating Goodbye in 1990 vs True Love Dates in 2018- which is $1.99 on Kindle right now for all you bargain hunters out there  ) But there are a few concepts about dating and relationships that won’t change no matter what’s going on in our culture. Today’s caller is looking for some dating advice. She’s wondering how to know if she’s giving a relationship enough time to play out, or if she’s ending the relationships too early. THE THREE DATING RULES YOU NEED In today’s episode, I’m going to talk her through some basic dating rules using the red, green, and yellow flag concept. The greens are the things you need in a a relationship – things you’re on the lookout for. The yellows are your preferences, or even the unknowns  – things that will probably end up either in the red, or the green category with time. And the reds are the things you’ll never, ever, settle for – things that signify it’s time to STOP this relationship. You’ve got to understand and know your reds, greens, and yellows in order to have a chance at a successful dating relationship. You need to get good at recognizing what works, from what doesn’t. Because you’ve have to know when to keep moving forward in a relationship, and when to walk away. Tune in to Episode 019 of the Love + Relationships Podcast today, and let’s talk through your red, green, and yellow list! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can a woman make the first move in a relationship?  This is a question that’s always on my radar, because I know it’s going to come in about every single Q&A session I have – and let’s be honest, it’s a rather controversial topic. Truth be told, the answer to this question has changed over the years with the changing of culture and opinions and norms. But it’s a topic that’s holding a lot of women back and it’s about time we had this conversation on the podcast. Who Should Make The First Move? For many years, the majority of people would have answered no to this question, saying that a woman shouldn’t make the first move in a relationship. Some people said it wasn’t their preference for a woman to initiate a relationship. Others said it wasn’t biblical. Still today, 35% of readers that I polled on the blog believe that it’s not okay for a woman to initiate a relationship. But I respectfully disagree.  There are four reasons why I think it’s totally okay for a woman to make the first move in a relationship, and today on this episode of the podcast, I’m going to break it down with why I think it’s perfectly okay for a woman to take initiative and make a move. With a few exceptions that I’m going to cover, as well as a few things to be on the lookout for that signify a healthy relationship. Whether you’re a male or female, you don’t want to miss Episode 018 of the Love + Relationships Podcast! SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN ON iTUNES BY CLICKING HERE Additional Ways To Listen: STITCHER or SPOTIFY Want to be on the Love + Relationships Podcast?  Go to truelovedates.com/loveandrelationships/ to submit your question and learn more. Click here to read an outline of the Top 10 Relationship Killers.  Resources Mentioned on the Love + Relationships Podcast and Additional Show Notes: Enjoyed this episode of the podcast? Check out the episode about Junk Food Relationships: Healthy Relationships Aren’t Convenient Or check out this mini episode and find out what I think about the concept of “Finding The One“. Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.   DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices