Honeydew Me

Struggling with mismatched desire or a dry spell that won’t end? You’re not broken, and neither is your relationship. This week, sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who has 20 years of experience in the field, and her husband Xander, a self-proclaimed “regular dude," reveal the five most common reasons couples stop having sex and explain why desire might not be the problem you think it is. We cover: Why desire isn’t the foundation of a great sex life. Vanessa explains why waiting to “feel in the mood” can actually block connection and intimacy. The top five reasons couples stop having sex. From resentment to routine, Vanessa and Xander unpack what really gets in the way and how to fix it. How to reconnect when sex feels like a chore. Practical tools for rebuilding closeness without pressure or guilt. The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. Learn why expecting to just “feel it” can lead to frustration, and how to work with your body instead. How to talk about sex without it turning into a fight. Simple scripts and strategies for starting honest, non-defensive conversations. Why long-term desire is a skill, not a spark. Vanessa and Xander share how to cultivate passion and playfulness at every stage of a relationship. How to create a sex life that feels equal and exciting. Real advice for ditching resentment, sharing initiation, and rediscovering fun in bed. Connect with Vanessa and Xander: Join DEEPER Here! Visit their website HERE! Buy their book HERE! ⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: “I’m 23 years old and have never had an orgasm. I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I very much enjoy having sex with, but cannot finish, and have not been able to with the other people I’ve slept with. I also masturbate relatively frequently, and have tried a few different toys, and manual stimulation as well. I recently talked to my friend about this, who suggested watching porn to see if this helped, but I really just couldn’t get into it. I have a pretty active brain, and sometimes will struggle to be fully in the moment. Even when I’m turned on, and enjoying it, I don’t know if I’m able to be fully present. Am I broken? I know you usually say that everyone is different, but I often find sex and masturbation feels “nice” with smaller pockets of pleasure. My boyfriend is great, and priorities making me feel good with going down on me, encouraging me to use toys when we’re together etc, but I still can’t. Is it possible that I just am not capable of orgasming? I’d really appreciate your opinions and advice." What We Cover in This Episode: Not having an orgasm doesn’t mean you’re broken. We break down the orgasm trap and explain how pressure can make it harder to cum. The biggest orgasm blockers. Stress, shame, “shoulds,” and a wandering mind are some of the most common things that get in the way. How to get out of your head during sex. Grounding tools and easy practices to bring your brain back into your body. Pleasure beyond your usual go-to's. Why focusing only on our go-to's (like penetration) can stall your pleasure and what else to explore instead. Fun ways to shake up your routine. From massage to toys to new locations, we share fresh ideas to make intimacy exciting again. How to talk to your partner about orgasm struggles. Scripts and conversation tips that make asking for support feel sexy instead of stressful. Why small wins matter more than the big O. Celebrating little pockets of pleasure helps you build confidence and move closer to orgasm. When to call in the pros. Pelvic floor PTs, sex therapists, and sex-positive doctors can help work through deeper blocks. Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE! ⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Great sex doesn’t just happen, it’s something we build and nurture over time. This week, we’re joined by Dr. Maria Sophocles, a nationally recognized OB-GYN, menopause and sexual health expert, and fierce advocate for women’s pleasure. She’s here to talk about why rethinking sex in your 20s and 30s is the key to having great sex for life, how to close the “bedroom gap,” and why better sex education matters for every generation. Why your 20s and 30s set the stage for lifelong sexual health. Dr. Sophocles explains how your early approach to intimacy impacts desire, connection, and pleasure as you age. The bedroom gap and why it matters. Learn what the bedroom gap is, why women are most impacted, and how we can close it. The missing piece in most sex education. We talk about why traditional sex ed focuses on fear instead of pleasure and how that leaves us unprepared. How to rethink sex as a skill you can grow. From communication to curiosity, Dr. Sophocles shows us why sex isn’t static and how it can keep evolving. The role of menopause in sexual health. Understand how desire and arousal change in midlife and what support actually works. Why talking about sex matters. Breaking down shame and silence is the first step toward better intimacy and pleasure. Practical steps for better sex at any age. Dr. Sophocles shares accessible tips for people to feel more confident and connected in the bedroom. Connect with Dr. Sophocles: Preorder "The Bedroom Gap" HERE! On Instagram On her website ⁠⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dirty talk can feel intimidating, but it doesn’t have to. This episode gives you a step-by-step guide to finding your voice, building confidence, and learning exactly what to say. Whether you want to explore a dominant, bratty, or praise-filled style, you’ll leave with practical tools, scripts, and a game plan to make dirty talk feel fun, natural, and hot. We cover: Why dirty talk feels hard at first. Understand the mental blocks that arise, from not knowing what to say to worrying about your partner’s reaction. How to figure out what turns you on. Use self-exploration, journaling prompts, and your masturbation practice to get clear on your turn-ons and desires.How to practice without pressure Practicing outside the bedroom. Start outside the bedroom with sexting or casual conversations so dirty talk feels easier when things heat up. Finding your dirty talk persona. Learn how to embody confidence and play with different tones like dominant, bratty, simpy, or simply yourself. Dirty talk examples you can steal. Get real phrases and scripts you can try right away, no overthinking required. What to say when your mind goes blank. Discover how to keep things flowing by describing the moment, giving direction, or using playful vocab. Dirty Mad Libs for beginners. Fill-in-the-blank prompts that make practicing fun and help you find your voice. How to handle when you say something weird. Why awkward moments are normal and how laughing it off can make intimacy even hotter. Your foolproof dirty talk game plan. Step into the bedroom with a simple path to more confidence, better communication, and hotter sex. ⁠Join our Patreon and access the "Dirty Talk 101" downloadable HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your self-worth depends on being liked, playing the “good girl,” or keeping everyone else happy, you’re stuck in Emotional Outsourcing™. In this episode, our bestie Bea Albina, a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Master Certified Life Coach, and author of End Emotional Outsourcing™, is back and teaching us how to quit people-pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent habits FOR GOOD. We cover: Why we emotionally outsource in the first place. Bea explains how codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism are survival strategies we learned early on, NOT character flaws. How Emotional Outsourcing™ keeps you stuck and miserable. We unpack the hidden ways outsourcing your worth drains your energy and relationships. The nervous system’s role in healing. Bea shares SIMPLE somatic and polyvagal tools to help you actually regulate and build resilience. Why people-pleasing sometimes feels safer than saying no. Learn how your brain and body keep you locked in old patterns and how to break free. Practical ways to set boundaries without guilt. Simple scripts and reframes for protecting your energy without shame. How to move from perfectionism to self-trust. Shift from performing for approval to living as your authentic self. Daily practices to reconnect with your worth. Because you are SO worthy. Bea teaches us grounding tools to build confidence, self-compassion, and inner safety. PREORDER BEA'S BOOK HERE! (and then go to her website HERE to get all the special preorder goodies!) ⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: "Okay, so I’m really trying to work on my sex shame, and one thing I cannot get past is fantasizing. Like… every time I start, my brain is either like ‘this is unrealistic,’ ‘you should be embarrassed,’ or ‘lol you don’t even have a partner.’ How do I shut all that down so I can actually enjoy it and then, once I do have a fantasy, how do I make it real?" What We Cover in This Episode: Why shame gets in the way of sexual fantasies. We unpack why your brain tells you your desires are “weird” or “wrong” and how to push past that shame. How to reframe “unrealistic” fantasies. Your imagination has no rules. We talk about ways to enjoy sexual fantasies in your head, share them out loud, or scale them for real life. Exploring fantasies without a partner. Solo play is the perfect place to experiment. From touch to toys to creativity, we show you how to make it hot on your own. Why fantasizing isn’t cheating when you're in a relationship. We break down why it’s totally normal (and even healthy for intimacy) to think about scenarios that don’t always include your partner. How to talk to your partner about fantasy. Scripts, conversation starters, and real-world examples for bringing your fantasies into the bedroom. The “reality scale” for fantasies. A framework to help you decide if a fantasy should stay in your head, be shared in conversation, or acted out in bed. Ways to bring fantasies to life solo or partnered. From porn to role play, we share creative ways to turn your ideas into real experiences. ⁠Join our Patreon and access the "Hot Girl Fantasy Guide" (+ so much more bonus content) HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Being single isn’t a waiting room and it’s definitely not a personal failure. This week, we’re diving into the archive and revisiting our episode with Shani Silver, writer, content creator, and author of A Single Revolution, to unpack the harmful narratives that keep single women stuck in shame, comparison, and “search mode.” Shani’s work challenges the idea that romantic partnership is the ultimate goal and offers a powerful reframe: your life is already worth celebrating right now. We talk about how to stop centering dating apps, how to reclaim your time and joy, and why being single is not the problem... shame is. We cover: Why singlehood isn’t a problem to be fixed. Shani unpacks how society pathologizes being single and why that’s BS. How to live a full, exciting life without a relationship. From travel to career to pleasure, we explore what it means to prioritize yourself. Why dating content fails single people. We talk about the toxic dating culture that keeps people chasing “the one” instead of feeling whole on their own. What it means to want partnership, but not suffer without it. Shani offers real talk on being open to love without letting it define your worth. How to stop treating singlehood like a temporary phase. Your life isn’t on pause. We explore how to fully engage with your present, not just your potential future. The emotional toll of romanticizing relationships. From internalized shame to feeling “behind,” we look at the stories that are hurting us and how to rewrite the shit out of them. Why single people deserve better content. You’re not unfinished. Shani calls out the lack of empowering, non-dating-focused media for single people and shares what she’s doing about it. Tangible mindset shifts to start enjoying your life now. Shani shares her go-to tools for reframing singlehood and finding joy without needing a plus-one. Connect with Shani: On her website Get her book "A Single Revolution" On Instagram ⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content, downloadables, extended episodes and more HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Luna Matatas, a seasoned Sex and Pleasure Educator, dives into the tantalizing world of rough sex and impact play. She shares how to explore sensations like spanking and hair pulling while emphasizing the power of communication. Luna discusses the difference between pain and pleasurable pain, ensuring safety and trust. She provides practical tips for introducing kink into relationships, proving you don’t need to be ‘kinky’ to embrace roughness. It’s a fun and insightful conversation that makes exploring desires feel accessible and empowering!

Your imagination might be the most powerful tool in your sex life and this episode will show you EXACTLY how to use it. We’re talking all things sexual fantasies—what they are, how to discover your desires, and creative ways to bring them to life. Whether you’re looking for fantasy roleplay ideas, inspiration for solo play, or ways to spice things up with a partner, this episode gives you the tools to confidently explore your turn-ons without shame. We cover: What a sexual fantasy really is (and why it doesn’t need to be a full-blown movie plot to be hot) Emma’s and Cass’s personal experiences with fantasy—lifelong imagination vs. learning how to start How to find your sexual fantasies: journaling prompts, reflection questions, and mindset shifts to help you explore your desires Sources of inspiration: audio erotica, porn, roleplay scenarios, movies, books, and revisiting your earliest turn-on moments Fun discovery tools for the bedroom: “Would You Rather,” Fantasy Mad Libs, and a fantasy-only Want/Will/Won’t list Fantasy mood boards: how to create visual inspiration to spark new ideas and spot your desire themes Most popular fantasies—from threesomes to public play—and why almost anything you can dream up already exists Fantasy roleplay ideas with and without power dynamics to help you experiment safely and creatively Fantasy Mapping: choosing your setting, characters, vibe, turn-ons, and optional “why” behind your hottest scenarios How to use fantasies in the bedroom: during solo play, partnered play, public encounters, date nights, or sexting Join our Patreon and access the "Hot Girl Fantasy Guide" HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if sexual confidence had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with trusting yourself? With a background in sexual health research and a passion for pleasure-first education, Caitlin V Neal breaks down what sexual confidence really means and how to build it (even if you’re starting from zero). From quieting your inner critic to getting out of performance mode, Caitlin shares actionable, empowering ways to feel grounded, connected, and fully in your body. What We Cover in This Episode: What sexual confidence actually is (and what it’s not). Hint: It’s not about being loud, kinky, or “experienced.” Confidence is about self-trust, self-awareness, and staying connected to your needs. Why performance culture is killing our confidence. We unpack how porn, media, and even hookup culture teach us to perform instead of feel and how to unlearn that. How to stop judging yourself in the moment. Caitlin shares tangible tools for staying present, even when your inner critic shows up in bed. The link between nervous system regulation and confidence. If you’ve ever frozen, dissociated, or gone into people-pleasing mode during sex... this part is for you. The #1 mindset shift to build confidence fast. This reframe alone will change the way you show up in intimacy, especially if you struggle with body image or “being too much.” What to do when your partner’s confidence (or lack of it) affects yours. Real talk on how to navigate mismatched confidence levels and build each other up without pressure. Why communication is confidence. From asking for what you want to setting boundaries, you can’t fake confidence when your voice isn’t in the room. Small steps that build big confidence over time. Caitlin walks us through daily rituals and rewiring techniques to cultivate long-term, unshakeable sexual confidence. Connect with Caitlin: On her website On Instagram On TikTok ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices