Honeydew Me

Curious about spanking, hair pulling, or a little consensual roughness... but not sure where to start? You're not alone. In this episode, we’re joined by Luna Matatas, a renowned Sex and Pleasure Educator known for her playful, trauma-informed approach to kink and impact play. With over 15 years of experience in the field, Luna walks us through how to explore rough sex in ways that feel hot, empowering, and safe. We talk about how to build trust, use communication as foreplay, and find the confidence to go after what you really want in bed, without shame or second-guessing. We cover: What impact play actually is and what counts as "rough sex". From spanking to slapping to hair pulling, Luna breaks down what it means to play with power and sensation. Why communication is the sexiest part of kink. Learn how to express what you want, ask for what you’re curious about, and create safety before the clothes come off. The difference between pain and pleasurable pain. We unpack how intensity can feel good and how to find your own personal “yes” when exploring impact play. How to introduce rough sex into your relationship without making it weird. Luna gives real-life scripts and ideas to help you start the convo (even if you’re nervous). Why you don’t need to be “kinky” to enjoy rough sex. Spoiler: You don’t need a leather closet or a dungeon to explore power and pleasure. What beginners get wrong about spanking and dominance. Tips for avoiding the most common mistakes and making your first experience feel hot (not awkward). How to navigate insecurity, shame, or body image blocks. We talk about how to build confidence in yourself, especially if you feel hesitant about being “too much.” Tools, toys, and mindset shifts to get started with impact play. Luna shares her favorite low-pressure ways to experiment, whether you’re solo or partnered. Connect with Luna: On Instagram On her website ⁠Join our Patreon and access exclusive content, downloadables, extended episodes and more HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Your imagination might be the most powerful tool in your sex life and this episode will show you EXACTLY how to use it. We’re talking all things sexual fantasies—what they are, how to discover your desires, and creative ways to bring them to life. Whether you’re looking for fantasy roleplay ideas, inspiration for solo play, or ways to spice things up with a partner, this episode gives you the tools to confidently explore your turn-ons without shame. We cover: What a sexual fantasy really is (and why it doesn’t need to be a full-blown movie plot to be hot) Emma’s and Cass’s personal experiences with fantasy—lifelong imagination vs. learning how to start How to find your sexual fantasies: journaling prompts, reflection questions, and mindset shifts to help you explore your desires Sources of inspiration: audio erotica, porn, roleplay scenarios, movies, books, and revisiting your earliest turn-on moments Fun discovery tools for the bedroom: “Would You Rather,” Fantasy Mad Libs, and a fantasy-only Want/Will/Won’t list Fantasy mood boards: how to create visual inspiration to spark new ideas and spot your desire themes Most popular fantasies—from threesomes to public play—and why almost anything you can dream up already exists Fantasy roleplay ideas with and without power dynamics to help you experiment safely and creatively Fantasy Mapping: choosing your setting, characters, vibe, turn-ons, and optional “why” behind your hottest scenarios How to use fantasies in the bedroom: during solo play, partnered play, public encounters, date nights, or sexting Join our Patreon and access the "Hot Girl Fantasy Guide" HERE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if sexual confidence had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with trusting yourself? With a background in sexual health research and a passion for pleasure-first education, Caitlin V Neal breaks down what sexual confidence really means and how to build it (even if you’re starting from zero). From quieting your inner critic to getting out of performance mode, Caitlin shares actionable, empowering ways to feel grounded, connected, and fully in your body. What We Cover in This Episode: What sexual confidence actually is (and what it’s not). Hint: It’s not about being loud, kinky, or “experienced.” Confidence is about self-trust, self-awareness, and staying connected to your needs. Why performance culture is killing our confidence. We unpack how porn, media, and even hookup culture teach us to perform instead of feel and how to unlearn that. How to stop judging yourself in the moment. Caitlin shares tangible tools for staying present, even when your inner critic shows up in bed. The link between nervous system regulation and confidence. If you’ve ever frozen, dissociated, or gone into people-pleasing mode during sex... this part is for you. The #1 mindset shift to build confidence fast. This reframe alone will change the way you show up in intimacy, especially if you struggle with body image or “being too much.” What to do when your partner’s confidence (or lack of it) affects yours. Real talk on how to navigate mismatched confidence levels and build each other up without pressure. Why communication is confidence. From asking for what you want to setting boundaries, you can’t fake confidence when your voice isn’t in the room. Small steps that build big confidence over time. Caitlin walks us through daily rituals and rewiring techniques to cultivate long-term, unshakeable sexual confidence. Connect with Caitlin: On her website On Instagram On TikTok ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your sex drive tanked after starting antidepressants, you’re not alone and you’re definitely not broken. This week we’re dipping into the Honey Aerchive and revisiting our episode with Dr. Jordan Rullo, a Clinical Health Psychologist and Sex Therapist who specializes in sexual function. Dr. Rullo explains how antidepressants impact desire, arousal, and orgasm, and what you can actually do to bring the spark (and your confidence) back. What We Cover in This Episode: The science behind antidepressants and sexual function. We break down how these medications affect brain chemistry and why they often lower desire. Why your libido isn’t “broken.” Dr. Rullo explains how changes in sex drive are a common side effect, not a personal failing. The difference between desire and arousal (and why it matters). Understanding these two states can help you better navigate sexual changes on medication. How to talk to your partner when your sex drive shifts. Real scripts and strategies to keep communication open and shame-free. Tips for getting in the mood (without forcing it). From sensory play to scheduling intimacy, we share tools that actually work. What to ask your doctor about antidepressant side effects. Learn how to advocate for yourself if your medication is impacting your sexual wellness. The emotional side of sexual changes. We explore how antidepressants can affect confidence, connection, and self-image, and what to do about it. Simple ways to reconnect with your body and pleasure. Dr. Rullo shares techniques to help you stay present and rebuild sexual confidence. Connect with Dr. Jordan Rullo HERE! ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do relationships feel so DAMN complicated these days? Modern love comes with sky-high expectations—partners are expected to be our best friend, therapist, co-parent, and soulmate all rolled into one. In this episode, Nicholas Velotta, Ph.D. student and Head of Research at Arya, shares why relationships feel harder today, what the science of intimacy has to tell us, and how building community (and redefining partnership) can take the pressure off and bring the spark back. What We Cover in This Episode: Why relationships feel harder than ever. Nicholas explains the cultural and social shifts that have added new layers of pressure to modern love. The myth of “one person meeting all your needs." How expecting a romantic partner to fill every role—friend, confidant, cheerleader—sets us up for frustration. The power of community for your love life. Why friendships and support systems are essential for a healthy relationship + how to build them. Redefining partnership and effort. We talk about the natural ebb and flow of giving and receiving, and why sometimes it’s okay to carry more of the weight. Taking action when things feel stagnant. Small, research-backed steps to break out of disconnection and rebuild intimacy. What the latest intimacy research has to teach us. Nicholas shares findings from his work on the tools couples need to stay connected long-term.  How Arya is reshaping relationship and sexual wellness. A look at the couples platform helping partners strengthen their bond and stay curious. Sign up for Arya HERE *affiliate* Connect with Nicholas HERE! Follow Nicholas on Instagram HERE! Follow Nicholas on TikTok HERE! ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: “Hi there! Been a looooong time listener of the pod and have a question/need for advice. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 4 years, we’re in a super healthy relationship, and I feel very happy with him. The last few months or so, our sex life has been a little less than normal and less than what I hoped for. We still have satisfying sex, but not as frequently, and it’s pretty formulaic—we go to what we know works. I feel like I’m initiating more (probably 80% me, 20% him), and because of that, I get told no more, which never feels good. I’ve been wanting to get out of this lull to make our sex life fantastic again. Then a few days ago, I woke up and saw him looking at sexual reels of Instagram models, saving and screenshotting them. He didn’t know I could see his screen, and I haven’t said anything. We both watch porn and have talked about boundaries—this doesn’t cross any, but I still feel so bad/jealous/insecure. I think it’s because when we talk about porn abstractly, it’s easier to process, but actually seeing it hurt my feelings. My brain keeps telling me the story that he has sexual feelings about these women that he doesn’t seem to have about me, and I hate that thought. I’m upset with him, which isn’t fair because he didn’t break my trust, but it really sucked to see. I’m feeling like I don’t want to be affectionate right now. I wish I could be more evolved about this, and I’d love your perspective/advice on how to move past this and not be so hurt by something very normal.” What We Cover in This Episode: How to get out of a sex lull. Whether things have gotten routine or you're not having sex as often as you'd like, we share ways to shift the energy and reignite desire. Rethinking what it means to initiate sex. Initiation doesn’t always have to be physical or as blunt as "want to have sex?" We walk through ways to initiate that feel natural, playful, and pressure-free. How to figure out what your partner needs (without guessing). Questions to ask, things to notice, and ways to open up honest convo about how he experiences intimacy and desire. Tools to navigate rejection without resentment. We share strategies to help both partners handle “not tonight” moments with care, like setting expectations, creating opt-in moments, and building connection even when sex isn’t on the table. When he’s looking at Instagram models...what does it mean and what should you do? We unpack the feelings that come up when your partner engages with sexual content online, how to rework boundaries around it, and what to say if it hurts, even if it technically doesn’t “break a rule.” Specific phrases to help you start and steer the conversation. We give you language you can borrow or tweak, including a mini role-play of how we’d personally approach this chat. Tools to spice things up and try something new. From foreplay ideas to spicy games, we suggest ways to add novelty, connection, and fun back into your routine. A big heaping dose of validation, because this is hard. If you’re the one initiating most of the time, feeling rejected, or wondering if it’s even okay to bring this up, you’re not alone, and you’re not asking for too much. ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you’ve ever had sex you didn’t really want to have— to avoid awkwardness, not hurt your partner's feelings or just get it over with—this episode is for you. We’re joined by Claire Perelman, a Queer, Jewish, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist based in the Bay Area who specializes in working with queer, poly, and kink communities. Claire breaks down what it really means to “push through” during sex, why so many of us do it (even when we know we don’t want to), and how to start honoring your boundaries without guilt, shutdown, or shame. We cover: What “pushing through” actually means and why it’s so common. We define what it looks like to override your body’s signals during sex and why so many women and femmes have been conditioned to tolerate discomfort in the name of connection. How to stop saying yes when your body is screaming no. Claire offers practical tools for tuning into your physical cues, catching freeze responses, and recognizing when you’re dissociating mid-sex. Why “not wanting sex” isn’t a problem to fix. Spoiler: Your desire isn’t broken. We explore how shame, performance pressure, and people-pleasing distort our understanding of healthy sexual agency. How to say no without apologizing or over-explaining. From scripts to mindset shifts, Claire gives you real-life ways to assert your boundaries without guilt. The nervous system’s role in sexual shutdown. We talk about what happens biologically when you freeze or dissociate and how to gently regulate your nervous system so you can feel safe again. When sex feels painful or uncomfortable (and you just go with it anyway). Claire gets real about the internalized messages that normalize discomfort and how to unlearn them especially if you’ve ever endured pain just to avoid awkwardness. How to rebuild intimacy after breaking your own boundaries. If you’ve pushed through in the past, you’re not alone. Claire walks us through how to reconnect with yourself and rebuild trust in your own “no.” Why pleasure requires choice—not obligation. True intimacy comes from wanting to be there. We unpack how to create space for real, enthusiastic consent in your sex life. Connect with Claire: On her website⁠ ⁠On Instagram⁠ ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon HERE to watch this episode and access exclusive content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: "I’m in my mid-20s now, but I still feel like my breakup from high school is affecting the way I show up in relationships. Like… my attachment style, my trust issues, the way I react when someone pulls away. It all kind of traces back to that first heartbreak. Shouldn’t I be over it by now? It feels silly sometimes, but it also feels so real. Am I broken or is this just… a thing?" What We Cover in This Episode: The breakup that still haunts you (yes, that one). We revisit the heartbreaks that shaped us and why your pain from that relationship is still valid. Why your younger self didn’t need to “know better." A compassionate reframe for those moments when you look back and think, “Why didn’t I know better?” (Spoiler: it wasn’t your job to know. It was your job to do the best you could with what you had.) Validation is not weakness—it’s healing. We talk about why needing to feel seen in your pain isn’t dramatic, it’s human. Unpacking what breakups really bring up (hint: it’s not just about your ex). From attachment wounds to trust issues, we explore how heartbreak echoes in other areas of life. How to offer yourself the compassion you never got. Step-by-step reflections on how to talk to yourself like someone you deeply care about. Letting go with grace and a little bit of rage. We normalize the complexity of closure and what it actually takes to move forward. Creating rituals that honor your healing. Whether it’s a playlist, a letter, or a literal ceremony, we explore ways to mark the end of a chapter. Why your sadness makes sense. A gentle reminder that you don’t have to defend or downplay your grief—especially when no one else understood it at the time. Resources: ⁠⁠Get The Hot Girl Closure Ceremony Downloadable HERE!⁠ ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Self-trust isn’t just a cute idea, it’s the foundation for literally everything. This week we’re joined by Emily Romero, trauma therapist turned author and creator of The Self-Trust Model™, to talk about how to stop overthinking, start trusting your gut, and finally feel like you’ve got you. If people-pleasing, insecurity, or indecision have been running the show... this one’s for you. We cover: Why people-pleasing, overthinking, and low self-worth all come back to self-trust. If you’re stuck in “I don’t know what I want” mode, Emily breaks down how that’s not a personality flaw, it’s a self-trust issue. What to do when you feel totally disconnected from yourself. Tired of second-guessing every decision? Here’s how to reconnect with your inner voice (even if it feels really quiet right now). How to build self-trust without needing to be perfect. Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you always get it “right," it means knowing you’ll have your own back either way. The sneaky ways we self-abandon in everyday life. From ignoring your gut to staying in the wrong relationship, Emily shares how to spot the tiny ways you break trust with yourself. Why trying to be the “good girl” keeps you stuck. We unpack how internalized shame, pressure to perform, and perfectionism block you from feeling safe in your own body. What sexual empowerment has to do with self-trust. Feeling confident in bed starts way before the bedroom. Emily explains how self-trust shapes desire, boundaries, and pleasure. How to trust yourself during a big life shift (like a breakup or job loss). When everything’s changing, it’s easy to spiral. Here’s how to stay grounded and move forward with clarity. The difference between fear and intuition (and how to tell them apart). Is it a red flag or just anxiety? Emily breaks down how to read your body’s signals and know what’s actually right for you. BUY EMILY'S BOOK HERE! Connect with Emily: Listen to her podcast Visit her website Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this week's episode we're answering one of YOUR questions with a combination of expert tips and personal experience.  The Question: I’ve been with my partner for almost three years and I love everything about our relationship… except for the fact that he never compliments me. In the years we have dated he has never once told me I look pretty, hot, beautiful, nothing. I tell him often that I like his outfit, hair, shoes, that he looks hot, etc. but he never reciprocates. He makes me feel very loved in other ways, but this in particular is slowly making me very insecure about myself. How do I balance my own self-esteem with wanting to feel approval and desire from my partner? What We Cover: Your needs are important and valid. We unpack why your emotional and physical needs in a relationship matter just as much as your partner’s (and how to stop minimizing them). Real talk on having a brutally honest conversation with your partner. What it looks like to drop the “cool girl” act and actually say the hard things you’ve been holding in. How to advocate for your needs in and out of the bedroom. Practical scripts and strategies to help you speak up, without feeling like you're asking for "too much". Communication strategies that actually work. We break down simple, clear ways to communicate your needs without spiraling into conflict or shutdown. How to build up your self-esteem and sexual confidence. From the stories you tell yourself to the way you show up in your body, we walk through the internal shifts that make a real difference. Balancing self-worth with partner validation. We explore how to recognize when you're outsourcing your self-worth to your relationship and how to  Resources: ⁠Get The Perfect Solo Date Downloadable HERE! Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices