The Blueprint

Today we have Charlotte from Welcometothepeasantparty on Tikok and Instagram. Charlotte makes informational charts and diagrams on dating and relationships but Charlotte is NOT a coach but she does create relatable and authentic content that will bring clarity to the modern dating scene! Especially those of you in Austin!

In this episode of "The Blueprint," host Jason Smith welcomes guest Matt Phifer, a licensed therapist, life coach, CEO, and relationship expert, to discuss the topic of healing insecure attachment styles and improving our relationships with ourselves and others. Matt begins by explaining the different types of insecure attachment styles and how they can impact our relationships. He emphasizes the importance of understanding our own attachment style and how it affects our interactions with others. Jason and Matt then delve into practical strategies for healing insecure attachment styles and building better connections with others. They discuss the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and mindfulness in this process, as well as the role of therapy and other resources. Matt also shares his insights on building stronger relationships with romantic partners, family members, and friends, emphasizing the importance of communication, vulnerability, and trust. Throughout the episode, Jason and Matt provide valuable insights and actionable advice for anyone looking to improve their attachment style, deepen their connection with themselves, and build better relationships with others. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or relationship issues, this episode has something for you. Tune in now to learn how to transform your relationships and your life.

Welcome to today's episode of the Blueprint podcast I'm your host, Jason Smith, if you haven't already make sure you click the subscribe button and share the podcast with your friends on social media and tag me in it @jbirdfit. Today we're going to delve into an important topic: Redefining Masculinity but we are going to talk about it minus all the additional labels like toxic or positive.  I think that we have overcomplicated the topic of masculinity and that we already inherently know most of the answers that social media is asking but we are afraid to say it out loud for fear of being judged, rejected, or ostracized on social media.    There is a “victim mentality” culture out there that is growing on social media BUT it’s only on social media. When you go out into the real world these same discussions aren’t happening. The past several times I’ve gone out to dinner I’m seeing more and more men in community and supporting one other. On my dating content you all keep asking, where have all the good men gone. Welp, they are apparently having dinner with each other, building, growing, expanding and learning from each other. When I go to jujitsu, we are focused on connecting the dots, completing reps, cultivating friendship through sportsmanship, and doing something difficult, something that many of us have never done before. You have people from all different backgrounds, skills, and abilities who are there to complete a mission. We have an hour together where we work, we sweat, we challenge ourselves and each other, and we learn. No one puts anyone else down because at some point, we all started out as white belts and I’m one of them. So, do we need to redefine masculinity so everyone feels included or do we need to display what masculinity looks like in the real world so others can be inspired by the work it takes to have self-mastery.  After watching a YouTube short from @vice on YouTube They had a group of men discussing some key points about the “masculinity crisis” and what that actually means to them. Fully believing that masculinity has to be redefined and that none of them really had any idea or direction how to do so.  Side note: If you aren’t reading books on personal development, psychology, finances, and spirituality. You will find yourself in the same spot as these guys. You give yourself the things that you know that you lack. This is self-mastery. No one can do that for you nor will they. One man stated we are just our here trying to be whoever we are. And there it is. You don't know who YOU are!  This group of men brought up the concept or experience of generational trauma (the be a man / big boys don't cry) and this trauma is being exposed and healed which is a key element to healing the greater collective and is work that we should all be exploring on different levels, and I say different levels because we are all going through and experiencing things differently but in real time with our own levels of awareness and understanding. When you understand that, you can begin to step back and realize that what someone else is experiencing doesn't have to be a fundamental threat to you or an attack on your world view but that's a conversation for another time because it's deeply nuanced.  Another man stated that we don't know how to define where we are supposed to be. This comes from parents being taken out of the homes, constantly working to provide and consume, but not able to meet the emotional needs and support that each child requires. I know, in good faith, all the parents are out there doing the best they can, but we often compensate with material things when in reality your child needs a deeper connection with you. Not as a friend, but as a parent who has their back and is prepared to guide and mentor them towards emotional regulation, co-regulation, and cultivating trusted connections by sharing your base knowledge with them. How to navigate the difficult terrain that is modern society. How to think and make sense of the world and their environment. Not just give them an ipad or a gaming console to occupy their time because you, yourself, feel overwhelmed.  Understand, you can only impart knowledge that you have learned, gained by doing, and practiced in real time consistently.  Does masculinity need to be redefined?  Here are 9 ways you can display masculine traits using a multifaceted approach. There is no one magic pill answer that applies to everyone but here is the basics.   Dr. Jordan Peterson Quote: “A Harmless man isn’t a good man. A good man is a dangerous man who has everything under voluntary control.” What we really have is an epidemic of men who never learned how to manage or regulate their emotions, how to build healthy relationships with their partners because of what was modeled to them as children, understanding attachment styles as a means of cultivating better relationships, and respecting yourself enough to do the work. There is no easy button. We are here to improve upon ourselves daily and help lift each other up and protect those who are unable to do so for themselves. 1 Authenticity: Embrace who you are as an individual and avoid conforming to societal or cultural expectations of masculinity. Be true to yourself and strive to express your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs genuinely. 2 Emotional intelligence: Develop the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, while recognizing that someone else’s big emotions aren’t yours to take personally. Practice healthy communication skills and learn to read people and situations for what they really are. 3 Self-care: Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This includes regular exercise, healthy eating, proper sleep, and managing stress effectively. Prioritize self-care as an essential part of your daily routine. 4 Respect for others: Treat others with kindness, empathy, and respect. Remember, you give your power away when you let someone else bother you, they control you now. Only you have an impact on how you think, act, and feel. 5 Healthy relationships: Build and maintain healthy relationships by building a great relationship with yourself. Develop self-confidence by giving yourself evidence of success. When you take care of you, you are more capable of taking care of those you love. Understanding attachment styles is a big part of developing healthy relationships. 6 Responsibility and accountability: Take responsibility for your actions and choices. Own up to your mistakes, learn from them. You didn’t fail, you gained the necessary knowledge to succeed. 7 Pursuit of goals and passions: Set and pursue meaningful goals and interests that align with your values and passions. Cultivate a sense of purpose and strive for personal growth and self-improvement daily. Read books. 8 Supportive: Be supportive of other in their pursuits. They aren’t your competition. Be the kind of person who wants to see other people win. Let go of that scarcity mindset. 9 Resilience and adaptability: Develop resilience and adaptability to cope with challenges, setbacks, and changes. Start a daily practice of breathwork as a means of regulating your emotional state and generating resilience.   What does that look like? A Physiological sigh. Two inhales in and a long exhale out. You’re welcome. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode. I hope you found value in this episode. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to reach out to us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube @jbirdfit. Don't forget to rate and review the show and share it with a friend and tag us in it @jbirdfit

5 Tips to Overcome the Fear of Rejection Practice mindfulness and breathwork to take control of your nervous system and reduce the fear of rejection. Challenge and change your limiting beliefs about yourself and rejection. Start small by initiating conversations with people you're comfortable with, and gradually building up to more challenging interactions. Take ownership of your emotions and understand that rejection is not a reflection of your self-worth. Learn to detach from the outcome of a situation and focus on the process of what led up to it. We all have a fear of rejection in some area of our life, but we can overcome it by taking control of our nervous system through breathwork and by not being so attached to the outcome of a situation. It's important to remember that rejection is not a reflection of our self-worth, but rather a result of our attachment style and limiting beliefs. To practice overcoming the fear of rejection, try starting small by striking up a conversation with a cashier or someone you find interesting such as a mentor and take those interactions as a win even though it made you feel uncomfortable! As you do this more often, you'll feel empowered and gain confidence. Additionally, it's important to understand that rejection can be an opportunity for healing and growth, and it's not your job to convince someone of who you are. It's also important to remember that when someone leaves a relationship, it's not always a reflection on you, but rather an opportunity for them to heal their own unhealed trauma. How to overcome your limiting beliefs Start by becoming aware of the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are holding you back. What are they? Write them down. Once you've identified your limiting beliefs, take a step back and ask yourself if this is even true? What supporting evidence do you have for that? Once you've had the opportunity to digest your self-evaluation you can reframe the limiting belief of "I'm not enough" and reframe it to "I'm capable of amazing things." Be kind...to yourself! Give yourself grace and practice self-compassion. It's time to wire in new beliefs by counteracting the old ones with positive self-talk. Inventory your friend group. Who is in support of your goals, dreams, and desires? Do you feel supported in your friend group or with your family? Do you need to limit time with the people who bring you down? If you would like to learn more about 1:1 Coaching or how you can be a part of the 21 Day Self-Love Challenge just head to the link below and make sure you get all your freebies while you're there! https://stan.store/Jbirdfit

The concept of the Law of Attraction, as presented in the movie "The Secret" and the book "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill, suggests that our thoughts and intentions can influence the experiences and outcomes in our lives. It's the idea that we are like a magnet and attract into our lives what we are currently being. It's the way we think, act, and feel or our emotional setpoint. It the difference of seeing things as happening to you (Victim mindset) or happening for you (Take the lesson.) It's the words that we use with ourselves daily and how we tell the story of our lives to ourselves and to others. Although this idea may be seen as unconventional, it can still have a positive impact on one's mental and emotional well-being. Just like a magnet, our thoughts, actions, and emotions can attract or repel certain experiences. When we have positive thoughts and good intentions, we are more open to receiving what the world has to offer. This can lead to a happier, lighter vibration and a greater chance of attracting the things we want in life. However, many of us tend to focus on what we don't want, leading to negative emotions such as doubt, worry, and anxiety. To overcome this hurdle, it's important to focus on the lessons of past experiences and to ask yourself "Why not me?" instead of dwelling on negative outcomes. Keep in mind that the Law of Attraction is not a linear path and there will be ups and downs. It doesn't make you immune to negative experiences but by doing the work you certainly become more resilient. By responding positively to difficult situations and asking how you can do better next time, you can open yourself up to new opportunities and better outcomes. Remember that the universe may have something even better in store for you, even if it's not exactly what you had planned. Allow yourself to be focused more on the moment than a particular outcome that you desire. If you focus too much on the outcome and it doesn't work out the way you wanted it, you may miss the gift that particular moment gave you. To stay connected and sign up for the 21 Day Self-Love Challenge head over to my Stan Store below. There are also tons of freebies to get you started! https://stan.store/Jbirdfit

Letting go is a process that can be difficult, but it's necessary for growth and healing. It's important to understand that letting go does not mean forgetting or dismissing the past, but rather accepting and moving forward.  Understand your pain is a message that is often never confronted. We tend to ignore or suppress the emotions and situations that we believe is causing the pain. However, pain also keeps us safe, think about touching a hot stove with your right hand and you'll have a physical response just from me talking about it. Try seeing your pain a guide in your life that is there to help you navigate difficult situations. It's a warning sign that something isn't right and needs to be confronted, challenged, changed, or overcome.   It's time to start letting go of what no longer serves you. It's time to acknowledge the pain exists and where it comes from. It's time to accept that you cannot change the past but you no longer have to live there.  It's time to embrace the present and co-create your future.  Make sure you connect with me on all platforms here!  https://stan.store/Jbirdfit

All we need is love, right? In modern dating things have gotten really interesting. I recently scanned the dating apps and saw A LOT of really familiar faces. I very quickly deleted the apps because that style of connection doesn't resonate with me and never really has. As I've done the inner work and took the deep dive into personal development and relationship dynamics, I quickly had a realization that changed the way I viewed starting relationships or rather it brought me back to my goals, values, and standards for a relationship with me and what that actually looks like. I was a teenager in the late 1900's and we did things like talk on the phone and had to wait a week to see each other with no conversation in between. Can you imagine!!! Not having any connection from the time, you set a date to the time you had the date??? That's unheard of today. Instead, we text 24 / 7 and have whole conversations all the while creating the meaning behind those messages in our heads. You don't even know this person yet. It gives a false sense of intimacy and closeness, but it's built off of your own emotions and meaning. We have lost the art of connection. So many people now will avoid a phone call because it makes them feel a certain way but THAT is connection! They prefer to text, private message, chat, or snap but the emotion that brings up isn't real. That's emotion you are assigning to that experience and that person based on your past experiences. They make you laugh via a meme that they didn't create or put any effort into, yet we will create the story about that person in our heads that they are funny. The meme is funny, they may end up only being slightly funny, or even not funny at all! They just know what makes them laugh and thought it would make you laugh as well. So in a way, you are connecting, and they acknowledge what is funny to you but still there is low to no effort being exerted. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Do you know your goals, values, and standards for a relationship? Have you taken the time to write down what you are looking for? Have you take the time to do the inner work so you can become ALL of those things yourself? A few key takeaways to remember Your attachment style isn't fixed. You can heal your attachment style Professional help, coaching, and other modalities are available to help you heal Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't The key to healing is Self-Love, learning to trust yourself, and learning to let go of what no longer serves you! Make sure you check out my links below for all my other content! https://stan.store/Jbirdfit Additional Resources: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller The Power of Attachment by Diane Heller It's Not Me It's You By John Kim The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest The Origins of You by Vienna Pharaon

5 Steps to Finding Purpose Understand yourself: Take time to reflect on your beliefs, emotions, and past experiences. Journaling and meditation can be helpful tools to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. A great question to start with is, "Who am I?" Hint: You are more than your job or family title. Identify your highest self: Think about the person you want to become and what qualities and characteristics define that person. Make a conscious effort to work towards becoming that person. Identify your values: Determine what is truly important to you and align your actions and relationships with those values. Seek out supportive relationships: Surround yourself with people who support and align with your goals and values. Continuously seek knowledge and inspiration: Reading books, listening to podcasts, and taking courses on personal development can provide valuable insights and tools to help guide your journey towards finding your purpose. If you're interested in learning more about Life and Breath Coaching as well as the 21 Self-Love Challenge, then check out my Stan Store! https://stan.store/Jbirdfit

In today's world there are tons of FITNESS programs out there to choose from, but it can be intimidating if you don't currently work out or have a fitness ROUTINE like running, spin class, or CrossFit but this is your opportunity to reignite your motivation, discipline, and to take your personal POWER back! The NUMBER 1 place you are going to make the biggest difference in your health and wellness is in the KITCHEN. I can tell you as a former chef who oversaw multiple kitchens in hotels, resorts, corporations and sports arenas that what you CONSUME physically, mentally, and emotionally has a direct impact on your overall health. There was period of in my life when I would eat a tube of chocolate chip cookies in one sitting, and I wouldn't think twice about it until I started having different types of health issues that led me to start QUESTIONING what was going on. Am I getting old? Is this my new way of living? How did I get here? Is there anything I can do to CHANGE this? Why do I feel sad, angry, frustrated, and depressed all the time? These thoughts, feelings, and emotions were the CATALYST in my own life that PROPELLED me into a new way of living....for a while. When you try to do too many new things at one time it is easy to become OVERWHELMED. When you become overwhelmed you go right back to the HABITS and EMOTIONS that keep you feeling STUCK because they are the most FAMILIAR. You may find yourself doing really well on a diet plan but two weeks in you have a semi-significant life event that totally derails your progress, and this is when the negative self-talk starts. It happened again, I never finish anything, I can't do this, this is too hard, or the most difficult to overcome, "I give up!" This is why it's important to start slow and build on your new HABITS. As you CREATE and CELEBRATE your small WINS each day you become more confident, capable, and believe that you can ACCOMPLISH whatever your next goal is. You are now developing RESILIENCE and EMOTIONAL FORTITUDE in the face of doing hard things! CONGRATULATIONS! Right now, is a great OPPORTUNITY to take an inventory of your cabinets. With your current KNOWLEDGE and experience what type of foods do you think are problematic for you? If you are unsure, take a week or two and write down everything that you eat in a day to include your portion size. This will help create AWARENESS around what type of food you eat but I also want you to write down what you are FEELING in that moment. I know exactly what I was FEELING and what I was going through when I turned to the tube of cookies but more on FOOD RELATIONSHIPS later in the program. A great way to START back into a fitness routine is by walking! I know it sounds stupid simple because it is. You don't have to buy any equipment except a solid pair of shoes, and you are on your way. Eventually you will start doing research on zero platform shoe and the benefits of spending more time BAREFOOT. That is definitely worth a Google search! For now, let's focus on the basics and WALK it out!

If you are new to MEDITATION, I want you to know that you don't need any fancy new tools, equipment, or candles but I can tell you as you become more COMFORTABLE you will see the benefit of having a cushion, candle, and some high vibration music or your favorite YouTube meditation. I cannot link a meditation in here because the link keeps changing due to copyright but if you look up 15 Minute Morning Meditation by Joe Dispenza you should be ablet to find it on YouTube. As the link changes I will post it in the Facebook group! What is MEDITATION good for? Here are my top reasons for meditating! Reduce Feelings of Stress - This is probably the primary reason you are willing to try meditation in the first place. You feel stressed! Reduce Feelings of Anxiousness - This is the second reason most people give meditation a try BUT you have to remain CONSISTENT with this practice to receive the maximum benefit. Improve Emotional Health - Whenever you begin a physical, mental, or emotional practice a potential natural byproduct is better emotional health. Increase Self-Awareness- Meditation gives you an opportunity to close the door on your external environment and go inward. A place where don't often feel comfortable going for long because old thoughts, feelings, and emotions pop up! Increase Mindfulness- When the mind drifts allow it to happen. Journal what is coming up for you. Over time those thoughts, feelings, and emotions will lose their impact as you allow yourself to feel the FEELINGS. Move you into your Parasympathetic Nervous System- They call this your rest, digest, and calm. This is a place we want to be able to go to whenever we have big emotions, stress, or feelings of anxiety pop up. This is a good opportunity to move into our breathwork practices. Always Available to you and FREE I want to say CONGRATULATIONS and I am proud of you for making it through the first week of the challenge! Make sure you leave a comment below about your experience so far!