Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em Podcast

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comNancy and Sarah tackle the week’s most controversial Olympics bout, when Algerian boxer Imane Khelif defeated Italian boxer Angela Carini in a 46-second fight. JK Rowling howled! JK Rowling-haters roared back at her! Has anyone ever cared this much about women’s boxing?This actually isn’t a story about trans women in sports — though it kicked up plenty of opinions about that subject — but a more nuanced discussion of how genetic abnormalities should play out in athletics. Our roving conversation covers:* DSD cases (Differences in sexual development)* Why is boxing called “the sweet science”?* The spectacle of women being hit —> kind of uncomfortable* Title IX was never intended to expand women’s sports, but it did anyway* What kind of sports do girls want to play?* The golden age of female trick riders* Stella Walsh, early intersex Olympic champion* How much do men hate seeing women cry?* The old Italian woman who yells Sarah to sleep each night* But wait: What is a man?… and much more!REMINDER: First Sunday Zoom TONIGHT! 5pm PT/8pm ET. Check your email later today for link.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comAnn Bauer is a top-notch personal essay writer, who built a reputation for eloquence and honesty at Salon.com, back in the aughts when the site was still a cultural force. (Sarah was lucky enough to work with Ann back then.) More recently, Ann has become a spitfire on Twitter, where she’s sounded off on COVID-related school closures, the progressive politics of Minneapolis, where she lives, and the various absurdities of our culture-war era.Nancy and Sarah had a far-ranging and often profound conversation with Ann: About what speaking her mind on social media cost her (professionally, personally), about the potential link between RenFests, polyamory, and Rachel Maddow, and about the son she lost a few years ago, whose autism diagnosis Ann now questions (along with many scientific “certainties”).Also discussed:* The ickiness of self-promotion* “You’re trying to kill me and my family”* Getting dropped by the Washington Post* Bruno Bettelheim, somehow* Writing: It’s all in the execution* Ann did NOT burn down Minneapolis’s Third Precinct* The Stations of the Cross for Trump Derangement Syndrome* “Why are you dressed up as druids and maidens?”* Big love for Tablet Magazine* No love for an author who promotes autism as magic that makes you special* The Cinderella story of Kamala Harris* The lonely estrangement of the white male in culture* Writing about your own children: good? bad? both? all?* What is autism, really?Plus, people who should not wear leather, Sarah gets sucked into a classic 70s mini series, the coolness of Debbie Harry, and much more!

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comNancy and Sarah are back after a brief summer hiatus to talk about: white women for Kamala, “brat” and its aftermath, why Gen Z has so many slang terms for oral sex (or is that just our intern?), and how JD Vance radicalized childless cat ladies and prompted Twitter to make jokes about sex with a couch. America: It’s going great! Note: This episode gets pretty blue, might want to keep it out of the little ones’ earholes. Also discussed:* “Did I miss anything?” asks Sarah, after emerging from a literal cave in the desert.* Gen Z pop star Charli … MCM?!* Childless cat ladies were trending, and nobody called Sarah for a quote?!?* You say KOMM-uh-lah, I say Kuh-MAH-lah, let’s call the whole thing off.* Trump avoiding an assassin’s bullet was 60,000 news cycles ago. * The Kamala Harris prosecution that Nancy cannot get over* What is the sound of 100,000 white women clapping? * "I am here tonight, embracing myself in your incredible, profound white women midst, because we've got a fucking job to do, y'all” is a thing that was said.* Race essentialism + radical self-care = cringe-fest* Brat, cap, munch, throat goat: Nancy learns to speak Gen Z * That time Sub Pop Records trolled the New York Times* Did Elon Musk succeed in making Twitter a public square?* “Ass play is not my jam.”* Ben Shapiro for president?* Steve Kornacki will chase down that Snackwells truck* J.D. Vance, the punching bag for a post-assassination-attempt TrumpPlus, the wisdom of NOT talking politics, report cards on how Biden dipped, and that time Hemingway married an African woman when he was already married. We are here tonight, embracing ourselves in your incredible, profound audio-listener midst, because you’ve got a fucking subscription to pay, y'all

Nancy is in the woods, Sarah is in bed, where she does her best work, when they chat over the phone about the epic spectacle that was this week’s Republican National Convention and the hot mess that is Democratic politics. “God is among us,” Tucker Carlson told the crowd, and the thing is: Nobody can fact-check God. Is it true? Is it false? No one can say. We’re in the realm of belief, and in the days following Trump’s assassination, what’s clear is: People want to believe in him.Also discussed:* Bill Maher’s double-fisting handjob Trump videos* Can Trump actually change?* “God is among us.”* Smoke Em’s first sincere usage of the word “rizz”* Nancy rejects an organ!* Pretty women, walking down the stage* Make Kid Rock stop!* Trump, the grandpappy* Love for Semafor* Amber Rose, online avatar* Trump as king: Kissing the ring* Media feeds us shit sandwiches* In the future, will we all be Melania Trump?* RIP to the people we lost, the people we missThank you to the Baseball Hall of Fame Museum for letting Nancy tap into their WiFi and upload this episode. Also: Christy Mathewson has Nancy’s vote This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comBiden on the ropes! What’s the over-under on his time in the race? Who might replace him? Sarah and Nancy discuss the political theater of a broken system. What’s the solution? Here’s Nancy: “Let it fucking break, man.” Then, Alice Munro’s daughter reveals family secrets that cast her mother and her writing in a troubling new light.Also discussed:* “Those Australians are so confused”* New word: Parkinsonism* As goes George Clooney, so goes the country …* Intervention time! Joe Biden, will you accept the help we’re offering today?* Is Jon Stewart back?* Kamala Harris is Out Here in These Streets* What if we all write-in “Michelle Obama” for president …* Wes Moore = a super-sexy man, and also a governor* Nancy on how Joe Biden can bow out with dignity* Alice Munro’s Runaway and a woman who can’t leave her husband, hmm* Art Monsters* Joe Biden press conference: Sarah loses a betPlus: The spookiness of Joyce Carol Oates, the greatness of Citizen Kane, and — ahem — Nancy names a new hot box!REMINDER: First Sunday-Schmirst-Sunday, we’re doing the monthly Zoom this week. Come hang! 8pm ET/5pm PT, July 14. Paid subscribers get a link the day of.We do the goodest we can. Become a paid subscriber.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comThe hustle, the friendliness, the informality, the unshakeable faith that we can be anything we want to be — all while drinking Diet Coke and huffing donuts. Fuck yeah, America! In honor of July 4, Nancy and Sarah celebrate our country’s bounty in the long shadow of all that is wrong. (For example: Presidential debate!) Nancy and Sarah can’t quite decide: Is the American experiment over? Or does our scrappy country of constant reinvention have more time on the clock? Also discussed:* The freedom to not wear pants* Let Joe Biden rest!* Is Smoke Em podcast the Fireside Chats of 2024?* Free speech and great tits!* Morgan Spurlock, RIP* Diet Coke, a “horrible bath of ick” that we love* Sarah learns to free-style, drops a verse, immediately regrets this* America’s greatest export is …* Sarah discovers she’s average!* Name That Founding Father: The Pop QuizPlus, Nancy proves she’s never seen Hamilton, how to make $1.08 last a decade, a history of oliebollen donuts, and more!Oh say can you see, it’s the paid subscriber button.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comThe first Trump-Biden debate is hours away, and pundits are predicting along punditry lines (Trump gonna Trump! Biden’s booster-packet will conk out midway!), including the only person to have debated both Trump and Biden opening a “What I’m watching for…” piece by telling us about the new Broadway play she’s producing.But before we get to Hillary Rodham Clinton, we cite some odds out of Vegas, including whether the candidates will shake hands first, the length of Biden’s longest pause, and how many times Trump will say “rigged.” Then it’s on to the evergreen topic of who is having sex with whom, or in this case, who’s not, unless it’s with a mythical creature with a four-foot long magical tongue and a dick the size of a Coke-can. Don’t ask, just listen.Also discussed:* The #1 new show on Netflix? Sarah’s in it!* We love Jake Tapper* Who we want to see storm the debate stage* Competitive celibacy and the dick embargo* Dear god, enough with the women-only utopia* Yes, we do need people to have babiesPlus, Hair-flipping and booty-bumping, the time Sarah tried to edit Rick Springfield, and…All of the above and more, when you become a paid subscriber.

Nancy and Sarah are one-on-one today for a roving conversation that covers: Nancy’s Portland story in a Nicholas Kristof NYT column about West Coast liberalism, a violation of privacy in the latest Free Beacon scoop, and revisiting the Gen X fever that was The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo’s Fire.Also discussed:* Civics Bee!* In defense of plastic straws …* Purple states = the place to be* Keeping the memory of Rachael Abraham alive* West Coast liberalism, so bad even Nicholas Kristof admits it* Who cares what BuzzMuffin43 says, anyway?* Hepped Up, the fragrance * No cameras in our bedrooms, please!* She-Pee, denied* Which Brat Packer turned out best? * That weird tension between Andrew McCarthy and Emilio Estevez* Journalist, meet your disgruntled subject* John Hughes and British synth-popPlus, an emergency cookie recipe, some Demi Moore goddess love, a new media podcast that’s doing it right, and more!This episode is free for all so share it with your friends.Learn about the world long before the NYT reports it. Become a paid subscriber.Episode Notes:“What Have We Liberals Done to the West Coast,” by Nicholas Kristof (New York Times Opinion)“A Murder in Portland,” by Nancy Rommelmann (Washington Examiner)“Columbia Administrators Fire Off Hostile and Dismissive Text Messages, Vomit Emojis During Alumni Reunion Panel on Jewish Life,” by Eliana Johnson and Aaron Sibarium (Washington Free Beacon)”Hollywood’s Brat Park,” by David Blum (New York Magazine, 1985)“I Called Them Brats, and I Stand By It,” by David Blum (Vulture)Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography, by Rob Lowe, highly recommended on audio!What’s in your hot box?Sarah:Nancy: Horror Movie: A Novel, by Paul TremblayGot 20 minutes and $2.99? Read The Queens of Montague Street, “journalist Nancy Rommelmann's memoir of growing up in Brooklyn Heights in the 1970s, and excerpted in the New York Times Magazine as the essay, ‘Dazed and Confused.’”Outro suggests itself: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com“Boys in crisis.” People write books about it. Melinda Gates just pledged $20 million to study it. Pundits make their bones rolling the phrase around in their mouths. But a crisis according to whom? Who profits when the American Psychological Society claims “traditional masculinity—marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance and aggression—is, on the whole, harmful"? And is telling boys they must change, with those changes often determined by women, just another recipe for resentment?To find out whether boys will be boys, regardless of how often they’re told not be, we went to the source: 17-year-old Milo Pesca, son of the Great Mike Pesca, host of The Gist podcast and broadcaster/thinker extraordinaire.On the table:* Milo’s voice is like a warm blanket* Did Ann Curry draw swastikas in the school bathroom?* Women and their endless talking* Sarah’s favorite mispronunciation* Can anyone define “toxic masculinity”?* Is vulnerability overrated?* Babysitter Maggie might have been going through some things* “I know I’m just a white dude …”* The land acknowledgment-ing of gender* “Girls Run the World,” or do they?* Male role models!* Watching boys is kind of cool* If men don’t like to talk, what’s up with those three-hour podcasts?* Paw Patrol: Threat or menace?!Also, how lazy idioms affect our thinking, and — stop the presses — Nancy and Sarah disagree on the quality they want in a man. Plus: Four hot boxes!

by Nancy RommelmannI’d like to introduce you to my mother. Not the woman I am sitting one foot away from in a Connecticut hospital bed, the skin on her hands as fragile as phyllo dough, the veins showing livid purple and the blue-green of old tattoos. Though it is true, her hands have always been this way.“You have such beautiful big veins,” I recall six-year-old Karen telling my mother. Maybe it was during one of the weekends Karen’s mother and my mother, not yet 33, drove a carful of kids out to Westhampton, to an out-of-rental-season house along the beach road. The house had many wooden decks, it was always cold, and our first night there, I told my mom to add more water to the Lipton chicken soup mix; that it was too salty. Turned out there was salt water in the taps. It was the 70s, when kids were expected to stay outside until after dark and take out our own splinters, of which the decks supplied many. We slept in sandy beds while, my mother later told me, Karen’s mom went to the bar and brought home this or that new friend. My mother did not do this; she was not much of a drinker, though these were the days when parents did things we absorbed without understanding: the white lie about why dad had not come home, the woman’s voice that woke me late one August night in a different rental house, and my knowing her cries, which I at first mistook for the howls of a cat, had something to do with her husband and my mother.“Mom, do you remember going to Westhampton?” I ask her now, interrupting her trying to eat a piece of chicken with a straw. She says yes and allows me to swap in a fork, it’s amazing how much she eats and yet keeps shrinking, 30 pounds gone since last fall, her legs not much more than long bones now. I’ve asked the nurses how this happens; how she burns so many calories while hardly moving.Or hardly moving but for her hands, ever looking for something to fix, folding and refolding a cloth, picking a shred of cheese from her blouse, holding my right hand in both of hers and pumping up and down for four minutes. I cannot glean the reasoning here, just as I could not see why, in the month before he died, my father held my wrist and stared in otherworldly fascination at my watch-face for 20 minutes. I asked my resolutely unspiritual (unless you count basketball and opera) math-savant dad, then, whether he was between here and some other next place.He considered this. “I think so,” he said. And was it okay? Yes, he said; it was.What else can I tell you about my mother? That the only picture she carries in her purse is one of herself. That the orange VW bug she drove us around in as kids had a bike rack and a ski rack and a bumper sticker that read, “Lacrosse: The Fastest Game on Two Feet.” That she used to wake up my brother and me by singing, “Everybody was kung fu fighting!” That when she walked, which she can no longer do, it was faster than any of us, she was ever in motion; even when she slept, she rocked and rocked and woke up in the mornings with her hair all ruched on one side. She also talked so fast that my father said, if he weren’t around her for a few weeks, he couldn’t understand her; that he could not keep up.What sentences my mother starts now usually trail off. She does not seem bothered by this. We are past the being bothered years, the taking mom's word for things years, the hiding the car keys and then disconnecting the battery years, the calling the oil company to see if I can wrest back some the excess $11,000 mom has sent, mailing check after check in an attempt to stay on top of her bills. It brings me no joy to see the fight gone out of her, while understanding, it makes it easier, in some ways, for the rest of us.My favorite thing to do now is to make her smile. She is always happy to see me, to see my brother, my daughter. She knows us still, though sometimes she will say, to me, "It's been so long since I've seen Nancy."But then, she can surprise. "You have a skirt on," she tells me, just now. Also, "I'd like to know in advance..." before looking back at the TV. My mother, who never watched television, is now enamored of cop shows, "Law & Order SUV" and "Chicago PD.""That's my guy," she told me, as recently as three months ago, of Jason Beghe."This was less than a year ago," my daughter says, sending a video of my mother half-running to greet her.There will be no more running, not after the broken hip. The previous rehab facility was gruesome, garbage on the floors, an orderly yelling that his paycheck wasn't available. The staff where she is now is cheerful and attentive, and I try, as I did when looking at my mother's hands, to find the beauty: the woman two doors down cooing in German to a plastic baby doll. P., her lipstick perfectly applied, waiting in her wheelchair by the nurses' station like a real-life Delta Dawn.My mother has buried three husbands, none of whom took the slow leave taking. My dad had lunch at his assisted living facility and, while talking to the nurses, went weak-kneed. They were tucking him in bed and, he dipped. Very elegant. My stepdad died after a short hospitalization. I was with him and, as I wrote, “There was so much beauty at the moment of death, near audible like a sip through a straw rushing into the night, the skin on his face going taut in an instant, and the color of beeswax.” My mother's last husband shrank and shrank from leukemia, my mother was with him when he died. Afterwards, she told me, she fell on her hands and knees into a snow-bank and shouted to the air, "I can't do this!" But she could. If I had a dollar for everyone who's ever said to me, "Your mother is a force of nature," I would have enough to buy her a fine steak dinner, though it might be wasted on her."The first time I took her out, she ordered a steak well done," my dad would say, insinuating, it had almost been a dealbreaker.What can I tell you about my mother? That she painted super-graphic stripes, including up and around a set of pocket doors, down the long hallway of our apartment. That she was a very good tennis player. That she grew up working-class on Long Island and wound up traveling the world. That at 25 she lost her own mother, a Greek immigrant who had my mother at 17, and missed her every day. I am hoping that whatever next place my dad saw, my mother gets to meet her mother there."I'm going to go now, Mom," I tell her tonight, and she forms her first sentence in three hours. "Is there enough?" she asks, and I don’t know how to answer. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe