Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em Podcast

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comSuccession’s final season debuted, and it’s already giving us memes (all hail The Disgusting Brothers). The tragic arc of Logan (Brian Cox) makes the cruel media mogul a tad sympathetic, while suck-ups like Roman (Kieran Culkin) and Tom (Matthew McFayden) have become the show’s most lovable characters. Is Succession the best show on TV? What else could top it?Rising star Jonathan Majors, of Creed III, was arrested for domestic abuse, but the woman in question recanted her story. Is this justice, or the power of NDAs? The case will be a Rorschach for the peanut gallery, much like Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski trial. The glamorous star/wellness guru took to court this week, and boy, do folks love to hate her. What did the queen of Goop/jade eggs/bone broth ever do to you?Movie critic A.O. Scott makes a classy exit from the NYT film desk, prompting a discussion of Hollywood’s decline and how anger was turned into clicks. What is the 1999 film that made Scott (and Sarah) burst into tears? Does — debate alert! — There’s Something About Mary hold up? Plus: Boogie Nights, 70s vs. 90s cinema, movies as sacred texts, Lex Fridman, the allure of fashion, what the hell is an “atelier,” and more importantly: Can it really rain frogs from the sky? Ed. note: A distracting mechanical rumble happens three times during this pod. Best guess? This is Sarah adjusting her microphone, which she will not do again.This week only, we’re opening our boudoir to (part of) our copious episode notes, to show non-paying subscribers what they’re missing. Have at it, friends.Episode Notes:Correction: Kathleen McCormack Durst (left, below) was a medical student and Robert Durst’s first wife. Susan Berman (right, below) was a journalist and author. The management apologizes for not naming them in the last episode.* Q: How to make every day better by doing one simple thing?* A: “How do I listen to episodes on my podcast app?” (Substack)It will be #HotChicksColdTakes redux when Liz Wolfe sits in during Sarah’s hiatusMy Favorite Murder. Not to Nancy and Sarah’s taste but extremely popular and one of the highest-earning podcasts …Pie Talk #7: Shortbread“Boar on the Floor,” a classic scene of villainy from Succession’s second season:“On ‘Succession,’ Jeremy Strong Doesn’t Get the Joke,” by Michael Schulman (New Yorker) “Jonathan Majors Arrested in New York After Domestic Dispute,” by Matt Stevens (New York Times)“Jonathan Majors’ attorney claims woman recanted assault allegations after arrest,” by Christi Carras (Los Angeles Times)“Jonathan Majors U.S. Army Commercials Pulled After Actor’s Arrest for Alleged Assault,” by J. Kim Murphy (Variety)“With Few Able and Fewer Willing, U.S. Military Can’t Find Recruits,” by Dave Phillips (NYT)“The Agony and the Ecstasy of Depp v. Heard,” by Sarah Hepola (Substack)“Cowboys' Williams And Irvin Investigated,” by Sam Howe Verhovek (NYT)“Women Recants Rape Tale” (LAT)“In Cowboy Case, a Flagrant Foul?” by Howard Kurtz (Washington Post)“Woman who says Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is her father now accuses him of defamation,” by Don Van Natta Jr. (ESPN)“Mining a Few Thick Desires …” by Luke Burgis (Anti-Mimetic Substack)“Gwyneth Paltrow ski crash trial: Paltrow testifies that the accident wasn't her fault” (NBC News)There’s Something About Mary bears up upon repeat viewing for Nancy. Sarah, not so much. What say you, listeners?Goop Wellness Jade Egg, $66, “final sale,” in case, you know, you were thinking of returning it … You could buy a jade egg from Goop OR you could take that same money and buy a year’s worth of bonus episodes, Zoom hangs, premium extras, and belly laughs. Now which of these is better for your health?

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comSarah and Nancy discuss the new documentary, Jussie Smollett: Anatomy of a Hoax, about the fake hate crime of the Empire star who once dubbed himself “the gay Tupac.” The real stars are the Osundairos, two Nigerian brothers and aspiring actors hired for the bizarre stunt. Why did they do it? What was up with that bottle of hot sauce? And is celebrity culture a bigger problem than victim culture?Also: Stanford Law School has a DEI mess following an appearance by Fifth Circuit court judge Kyle Duncan, and once more, ambition overrides judgment (a running theme). Which moment in the 2015 HBO miniseries The Jinx turned Nancy off entirely? Who is the godfather of true crime, and why is it Skip Hollandsworth? The rise and fall of PornHub; yet another glowing recommendation for Jon Ronson’s oeuvre; a fascinating convo about journalism’s working-class roots; and the mysteries of our Google searches. But don’t forget MILF Manor, because Sarah cannot.

Nancy and Sarah read letters from listeners. Topics include moral complication, British sitcoms/podcasts, the courage of Stephen Elliott, and a counter-point on Matt Taibbi. Nancy tells us about an LA journo pal who died in 2007, and Sarah wonders whether journalism is ultimately a profession of hucksters and frauds. Along the way, they discuss 12-minute naps, the celebrity they’d most like to, uhh, kiss, how big pigeons can get, who they’d call from jail, where they’d go if they had to disappear (and why Sarah won’t be informed of Nancy’s location, booo). Plus: Martha Mitchell, The Jinx, Sarah’s fake British accent sounds like Monty Python, and Nancy proclaims she’s part of Gen Z — until she learns what Gen Z actually is. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

The Oscars were surprisingly good this year. We discuss the most moving moments, including the teary comeback of Brendan Fraser, the resilience of Ke Huy Kwan, the art-school weirdos who became the big winners, The Daniels, and why Lady Gaga is the Real Deal. Also discussed: The Carpenters (pro or con?), the tricky business of the American Dream, the argument for cultural appropriation, should Sarah do Ozempic, and how tall is Salma Hayek? Hint: Sarah-size.In the bonus episode: Mysterious allegations against Michael Irvin prompt Sarah to talk about that time he stabbed his Dallas Cowboys’ teammate in the neck, why it’s hard to write about the dark side of sports, plus the notorious Jerry Jones and the NFL force field. Matt Taibbi testifies before Congress, enrages some journalists, becomes a hero to others. MILF Manor has a quality twist coming our way. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWelcome to our longest episode yet! The Oscars were surprisingly good this year. We discuss the most moving moments, including the teary comeback of Brendan Fraser, the resilience of Ke Huy Kwan, the art-school weirdos who became the big winners, The Daniels, and why Lady Gaga is the Real Deal. Also discussed: The Carpenters (pro or con?), the tricky business of the American Dream, the argument for cultural appropriation, should Sarah do Ozempic, and how tall is Salma Hayek? Hint: Sarah-size.In the bonus episode: Mysterious allegations against Michael Irvin prompt Sarah to talk about that time he stabbed his Dallas Cowboys’ teammate in the neck, why it’s hard to write about the dark side of sports, plus the notorious Jerry Jones and the NFL force field. Matt Taibbi testifies before Congress, enrages some journalists, becomes a hero to others. MILF Manor has a quality twist coming our way. Also: Send us your letters! smokeempodcast@gmail.com. We’ll read the best listener letters and answer salient questions in an upcoming episode. Everything everywhere all at once (possible oversell) when you become a paid subscriber.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comAfter sustaining “the atom bomb I needed to follow my passion” (her imminent layoff, her husband having an affair), Lisa Schroeder went to cooking school and, in 2000, opened Mother’s Bistro in Portland, Oregon. From day one the place was packed, everyone wanting what Schroder calls “Mother Food” – meatloaf and gravy, chicken & dumplings, and a brunch t…

Good morning from Chinatown NYC, where there are no avocados in my 42-square foot (including counters and all appliances, listen, it’s like walking a gang plank) kitchen, just a COVID test in-progress and some excellent coffee from Panther Coffee, based out of Miami. The owners, Joel and Leticia Pollock, are friends from the iteration of my life after Los Angeles, we met them in Portland, from whence they decamped for Miami, to open a coffee roasting business.“Nency, Nency, can you write something for us?” This is Leticia - and here I am badly botching her Brazilian accent - asking back in 2009 that I write to the local licensing bureau explaining what coffee roasting was, the idea being totally foreign and apparently causing officials to think someone was trying to burn down the city. I did; Panther opened in 2010 and now has something like four million locations in Miami (okay, six). You should go. We are going back further today! To 1990, when my daughter was less than a year old and I saw two young women my age pushing baby strollers past my house on the street that led up to the Hollywood Reservoir. Stay to the end for a sweet addendum.Two corrections: Charlie’s first band was the Plugz. (The Cruzados were second.) And toward the end I accidentally say “mash the garlic” when of course I mean, mash the avocado. Also: COVID, negative.Episode notes: Charlie Quintana, whose first and only job besides as a drummer was delivering flowers for one day in his native El Paso. He was sixteen when the band he formed and The Plugz (video) became successful. Charlie went on to become part of the Cruzados, The Havalinas and other bands, and toured and/or recorded with Bon Dylan, Social Distortion, John Doe, Cracker, Joan Osborne and, if I am not mistaken, the Gin Blossoms. I remember (though I am finding no confirmation of) this because sometimes when Charlie played in Los Angeles he would nab me some tickets, and when the Wallflowers played at the Greek Theater, lead singer Jakob Dylan announced (I am not kidding here), “This goes out to Nancy,” before launching into, “One Headlight.” (I had told Charlie I loved the song.) Maybe I’m wrong! But that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.Well lookie here, I found some audio of “Meet the Neighbors.” (Or you can read it.)“Charlie Quintana, drummer for the Plugz and Social Distortion, dies at 56,” by Randy Lewis (Los Angeles Times)“Taking My Ex Back In (for His Own Good),” by Nancy Rommelmann (New York Times Modern Love)Guacamole, adapted from Charlie Quintana* 5 ripe avocados* Salt* One-half yellow onion, chopped small* 2 - 3 jalapenos, chopped small, leave some seeds* Handful of cilantro, chopped* Juice of 2 - 3 limesMash the avocado and salt. Add onion, jalapeno, cilantro and stir. Squeeze on lime juice. Adjust to taste.Charlie playing with Bob Dylan on David Letterman 1984 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit smokeempodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comThe journalistas discuss whether “women writer” is a valuable identity and then welcome guest Stephen Elliott (who is many things but not a woman). Once a celebrated author and the founder of The Rumpus, Elliott is better known these days as the man who sued “Shitty Media Men” creator Moira Donegan, a lawsuit he recently settled. Elliott was raised in group homes, and he says his legal action came from a moral obligation to fight a list he characterized as a “false accusation machine.” Donegan pledged never to apologize, a promise she kept, but the eventual settlement ran into the six figures. Elliott opens up about the danger of anonymous accusations, the pain of losing deep friendships, why nobody remembers joining a mob, and the strange freedom that comes with literary exile. As he says, “You can’t be canceled twice.”In the bonus: Nancy’s AI reads her ChatGPT. The Toronto Raptors basketball team celebrate Women’s History Month — and promise to do better. Chris Rock splits Twitter, lights up Netflix, and what does “misogynoir” mean? Sarah thinks Nancy just started a beef with Chris Rock; Nancy claims they’re all good (weigh in, commenters!). Hot boxes include a documentary on the Sarah Lawrence con man, Matt Welch’s questionable advice for dealing with a bear, and a message for the ladies on this international day in our honor.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comBy Nancy RommelmannI put most of my Portland coverage on my Substack, Make More Pie, where I almost never post audio. Since you all are audiophiles, and on the chance the story is of interest, I am cross-posting the episode here - NRThe streets of Portland may be calmer than during the 108 straight nights of violence in 2020, but are things better? Or are they just as bad but in different ways?Photographers Chelly (@hunnybadgermom on Twitter) and Michelle (@cocainemichelle) cover the city, including the current rise in homelessness and drug addiction, the uptick in crime, and the exponential shredding of the social fabric. They chronicle the deterioration of downtown, where the vacancy rate is set to hit 40%, and speak with those filling the void. Lifelong Oregonians, they see citizens variously unwilling to see these issues as problems, and fleeing the City of Roses because of them.How did Portland get to where it is? Have decisions based on presumed compassion - to not prosecute property and some violent crimes; to provide support if not treatment to drug users — led to bad outcomes? And are better days two years away, or two decades?Episode notes:Video I took while driving Thomas Chatterton-Williams, February 2022One Michelle took, January 2023Rebranded Foster-Powell, Felony Flats was a great neighborhood nameFrom Measure 110, which decriminalized personal-use amounts of drugs:“On November 3, 2020, Oregon voters passed Measure 110, approving two shifts in how the state deals with the use of illegal drugs. First, the measure reduces penalties for drug possession, making Oregon the first state to decriminalize the personal possession of illegal drugs. Secondly, the anticipated savings achieved from the current cost of enforcing criminal drug possession penalties will be combined with marijuana sales revenue to fund a new drug addiction treatment and recovery grant program.”Emphasis mine. Oregon ranks second-highest in rate of substance abuse and 50th in access to treatment. Since the passage of 110, “funding has been slow getting out of the gate and instances of drug abuse and overdose deaths have increased,” and agencies are currently fighting over who gets to siphon off funds earmarked for drug treatment.“A Murder in Portland,” by Nancy Rommelmann (Washington Examiner Magazine)“Destruction and Hope in Portland,” which I wrote for Persuasion, featured North Portland resident Kurt Martig who, like Michelle, was shocked at how many people on NextDoor are willing to reimagine the destruction of other people’s property as no big deal. (NB: Martig and his family moved out of Portland last year.)“I go on Nextdoor.com and I’m seeing things like, ‘People have insurance, things are less important than lives,’” Martig said. “I’m like, guys, you’re hurting innocent bystanders, the business owners are getting hurt, the employees are going to get hurt, the customers, it’s all the way down.”Others disagreed. Someone at the dog park told Martig he should factor in “the decades and centuries of oppression and understand why people are doing what they’re doing.” A friend told him that the cops were always worse.“It kind of breaks down to, you can either be one way or the other,” Martig said. “Which is a false choice.”“Nike Offers to Pay Police to Guard Portland Store From Shoplifters,” by Mike Impelli (Newsweek)“Portland, Ore., Once Among Safest U.S. Cities, Struggles to Cut Homicide Rate,” by Zusha Elinson (Wall Street Journal)“We looked at Portland's crime rates. Comparatively, they're not so bad,” by Andy Giegerich (Portland Business Journal)About that bucket of diarrhea sloshed into a police station…

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit smokeempodcast.substack.comWelcome new subscribers to Smoke ‘Em If You Got ‘Em! We are super-stoked that Substack included our little pod as a Featured Publication. Quick lay of the land: Free subscribers get notified whenever we post an episode, and can enjoy 45-60 minutes of a free preview. Paid subscribers get our undying love and the full fig — including pop-culture recommendations and the juiciest bits of the conversation — along with the ability to comment in our active and (may we say) impressive Smoke ‘Em community, plus exclusive access to bonus episodes and solo ventures, like Sarah’s Friday-night “Smoking Diaries” and Nancy’s Sunday morning “Pie Talk.” We have Zoom hangs every first Sunday of the month for paid subscribers, where we enjoy laughter, civic debate, and (occasionally) wigs. Now, as they say, on with the show …We start with the sad tale of Alec Baldwin and the Rust gun tragedy, then discuss a blockbuster New York Times magazine story on the inner lives and private turmoil of police in Louisville, where Breonna Taylor was killed. It’s a rich, empathic portrait that likely wouldn’t have appeared last year, just like recent stories on the probability of a lab leak in China and the futility of masking. Is culture taking a turn? Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot was ousted the evening after we recorded this episode; it could be a referendum on violent crime. Here at Smoke ‘Em, we aim to humanize stories that get ripped of context and nuance by an ever-churning media machine and its social-network accomplice. The NYT story — which is, full disclosure, written by one of Sarah’s closest friends, journalist Jamie Thompson — gives us an opportunity to sympathize with another side, and prompts stories about lost love (for Sarah) and Portland chaos (for Nancy).Plus: Sarah squicks out “moderate MILF” Nancy by telling her about a massage challenge on the latest episode of MILF Manor; the etymology of “cuffing season”; the secret allure of Alabama; blue eye shadow, Y/N? And much more!Reminder: Zoom hang this Sunday, 3/5, 8pm ET/5pm PT, for paid subscribers. Link will be emailed on the day-of!