The SelfWork Podcast

Anger has a place. It’s an important emotion to feel and know how to handle. It lets you know a boundary and maybe a very important boundary, value, or expectation has been ignored or crossed or threatened in a very real way. But it’s a skill then to think through what you’re going to do with that anger.It seems that there are a lot more people these days who are angry. Maybe it’s because the immediacy that social media and texting have provided that have made it SO much easier to attack someone else online – or it was online at first. Maybe it’s political rhetoric that’s become more aggressive and insulting, as if that’s okay.There's anger... and then there's losing your shit. But what do you do after you've lost your shit? Losing your shit is about losing control. It’s about very poor management – yes. But that term – albeit fairly colorful – usually means that you got way too mad about something and even you recognize that you were way out of line. Maybe it’s a pattern for you. Maybe you do it all the time. Or maybe it’s after something that suddenly happened – or seemed to suddenly happen - and here comes a shit fit.The speaker voicemail is from a man living in the UK – that discovered my writing about enmeshment. He describes giving so much of himself away to his parents, which then served as the pattern of his relationships with others – where he’s the caregiver for all – and feels that he has nothing left for himself. I’ll do my best to answer him!Vital Links:Article on enmeshmentArticle on the American Counseling Associations’ website on women's angerAnger Management ResourcesArticle on regret after losing your temperAdvertisers Links: Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your new subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!.  Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.

We’re talking about sexual abuse on SelfWork today – so please, if you have sexual abuse in your history or have somehow been affected by it, listen carefully.Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that’s behind the message. And this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was so palpable for me. Not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss.Who was it from? She’s a therapist. A mom. A daughter, not in that order. Let’s call her Lisa.So, what had happened? Lisa’s very young daughter had told her that her mother’s husband, Lisa’s stepfather, had sexually molested her. And she’s struggling to handle the consequent tsunami of family distrust and estrangement between the members of her family – which is very common but still very painful. At the very time she feels she most needs her mother, her mom has taken her stepfather’s side and believes her granddaughter is making up something that didn’t happen.Maybe some of you tried to talk to a parent or a teacher or a pastor about being hurt sexually or any other way in your family. Not only were you not believed. You might’ve been blamed or warned not to tell “lies” about your family – or the perpetrator.Again, please take care in listening if you have a history of sexual abuse or were hurt in some way through sexual abuse. The sexual abuse hotline number/website below.Vital Links:The RAINN.org sexual abse hotline/websiteJane Epstein's incredibly courageous journey, revealing sibling sexual abuseSelfWork episode on intrafamilial sexual abuseAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Pam Roy, an author, filmmaker, and advocate for logotherapy, explores how to find meaning amidst life's challenges. She discusses the profound influence of Viktor Frankl, sharing insights on making conscious choices to discover purpose, even in suffering. Pam emphasizes that meaning can be found in any circumstance by acting on one’s conscience. She also highlights practical ways to engage with Frankl’s work, including creative and attitudinal methods of deriving meaning. Additionally, she shares how her approach to parenting has been shaped by these principles.

Explore the complexities of borderline personality traits, especially in mothers. Unpack the contradictory fears of abandonment and intimacy that shape their relationships. Discover the four distinct archetypes of borderline mothers: the witch, queen, waif, and hermit, each with unique behaviors and impacts. Delve into the clinical implications of these traits, including how previous trauma informs current struggles. Gain insights on effective therapeutic approaches, like dialectical behavior therapy, offering hope for change.

Dr. Whitney Caceres, a pediatrician and author behind Modern Mommy Doc, shares her wisdom on prioritizing values over relentless over-functioning. She delves into the stress mothers face, offering practical strategies to escape the high-functioning burnout cycle. The conversation touches on redefining success, reclaiming parental intuition from social media, and setting healthy boundaries. Whitney encourages embracing imperfect parenting and the empowerment that comes from focusing on what truly matters—your values and priorities.

Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists, the first what she calls covert, the second malignant. I’ll describe those terms, so you’ll know what we’re talking about. But she described herself as feeling hopeless about her ability to trust anyone again.What brought these stories together in my own mind was not only that the two stories were about narcissism. But how both listeners conveyed a sense of not knowing how to heal or which direction to go where their lives wouldn’t be so painfully affected by their narcissistic parent or ex-partner.Vital Links: Duke Health proposes an acronym - SPECIAL MEArticle with Dr. Margaret's advice on dealing with narcissism:Hormone Replacement Episode with Donna WhiteAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   . Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst. So, when you meet someone that you like, trust, or respect, and they tell you they understand and have lived what you're living? Gone through what you're going through?You figure out shame has been lying to you all along.Today we’re going to talk about just that. First how shame talks to you through an inner dialogue that’s always commenting and often criticizing you. Second, how shame lies to you. I’ll tell you the details of my own battle with shame. And how I learned to acknowledge the power of its lies. And third – how you can stop that from happening. Or at least become much more aware of when shame is yapping away at you. You can challenge it and even turn down its volume so you can make decisions free from shame’s voice.Here’s a hint – you want to challenge it. You choose to believe differently about yourself. That becomes your innermost desire – and the freedom you can find is astounding!The Listener VoicemailThe listener voicemail today is from an older mom who says to me, “I just don’t want to carry the pain of disconnection.” She realizes in a very poignant way that her pain and depression has to do with being the youngest child of 12 in her family but now doesn’t feel connected to her grown children “except when they need something.” We’ll tackle what she might can do to feel the connection she yearns for – and my answer may surprise you.Vital Links:My own Psychology Today article on shame's lies to me and how I overcame them.Advertisers Links: Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your new subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Leslie Gray Streeter, a veteran journalist and author, shares her insights on grief and family dynamics. She discusses how her writing career, sparked by her memoir 'Black Widow,' evolved into her new novel 'Families and Other Calamities.' Leslie delves into her personal journey of single parenting, navigating the challenges of loss, and the complex emotions tied to family relationships. Her candid exploration offers a blend of humor and heart, making her story both relatable and inspiring.

Explore the fascinating world of attachment styles and their roots in childhood. Discover how these styles shape your adult relationships, and learn that change is possible. Delve into the strengths and challenges of anxious and avoidant attachments. Find out how awareness can help you shift your relational responses. Hear practical tips for managing conflict in relationships, and understand how secure connections can foster stability. Plus, insights on navigating intimacy for those who struggle with loneliness or shame.