The SelfWork Podcast

Today we're focusing on the anxiety of being rejected, scorned, or judged. And how it’s a prison that keeps you from feeling safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder – unless you have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it’s as real as any of the classic diagnoses that are out there, like OCD or generalized anxiety disorder.But when you can allow yourself to step out of that prison – when you feel safe enough with a therapist or a friend or a partner to say who you really are… the freedom you feel can be incredible.Today's listener/reader comment was a response to the blogpost When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal. So, I’ll read her comment and question – and maybe it’ll answer some of your own about your mom or dad whose emotions and behaviors were or are all over the place.There's also my thoughts on the life and death of Anne Burrell. Only compassion and wondering what this wonderful woman could've been dealing with..Vital Links:When Mom is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal. Book on borderline traits “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”Advertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.

Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University, chats about her new book, 'How to Be Enough,' tackling the insidious nature of perfectionism. She shares insights on how perfectionism can stem from personal experiences, leading to feelings of inadequacy. The conversation emphasizes the importance of embracing personal values over achievements and the power of vulnerability in forming connections. Ellen offers practical advice for self-acceptance and highlights the significance of supportive relationships in overcoming self-criticism.

What is body dysmorphia? If you've irrationally felt, "I hate the way ....... looks or is," and you're talking about your own body, then you may be struggling with body dysmorphia.You can have a huge preoccupation with whatever defect your mind is telling you that you have – and can spend lots of time and money and energy to try and “fix” the problem. But tragically, the medicine or the surgery or the exercise doesn’t “fix” the irrationality – and so these kinds of problems can exist for years.So today, we’re going to focus on what body dysmorphia is – and as always, what you can do about it.Instead of a listener email this week, I’ve learned of the death of a wonderful man who was my guest last year on SelfWork. James Doty. He was a neurosurgeon, a professor at Stanford, who knew the Dalai Lama well as he founded the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, and they became quite good friends. I’ll tell you a little more about him later in the episode and once again, hear his words of encouragement of how to live a meaningful life.Vital Links: Famous celebrities who's talked about having body dysmorphiaMayo Clinic description of body dysmorphiaInto the Magic ShopAdvertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Given the wave of mental health awareness that has occurred over the last decade or more, is depression getting easier to talk about?In some ways, yes. But in other important ways… it doesn’t seem to be. There are plenty of reasons that are the essentially the same as they've been for a while. But there’s one that’s emerged only recently… the idea that a mental illness diagnosis becomes an identity you have. “I’m bipolar, so this is really hard for me.” It can even become your identity or brand on social media.What about the apparent backlash that’s occurring as a response to mental illness branding? Influencers are labeling themselves as traumatized or using a diagnostic label as their way of selling you something or attracting followers.How do you know who to trust? Who’s an expert and who isn’t?The listener voicemail tells a story that I’ve heard fairly often. When one family member takes advantage of their relationship with an older person, a mom, a dad, an aunt or uncle or grandparent, and takes much more than their share of that person’s assets, be it jewelry or money or collections. The rest of the family is aware perhaps but feels helpless, not wanting to press charges or maybe even not knowing how to “prove” manipulation.Vital Links: An article on how and why depression is hard to talk aboutAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!    Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What's success for men? Lucas Krump would say that what's missing for many men is connection, with their emotions but also with each other.Who's Lucas Krump?He's the Chief Growth Officer at EVRYMAN, a global community that fosters men's personal growth and emotional wellness. Lucas has been instrumental in expanding EVRYMAN's mission, offering retreats, online programs, and a membership-based platform that helps men develop deeper emotional intelligence. His work has been featured in outlets such as CBS Evening News, The New York Times, and GQ.He’s basically a guy who thought he had all the boxes checked – that he was as successful as any man could be. But he was also miserable in his corner office with his name on the door and lots of money in his pocket.This is his story. And how he changed his misery into gratitude and connection.Vital Links: Lewis Howes on his book The Masks of MasculinityAdvertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I'm a shrink. And today, I want to talk about the hit show Shrinking.Most of the time, I hear the term "shrink" used in a funny, almost endearing way. It’s like when people call me “Doc” instead of my name. It’s a term that binds us but also keeps boundaries clear.I’d like to give you my thoughts on the Apple TV show Shrinking. And even more so, its message – that the people who are shrinks aren’t living lives that are somehow set apart from the rest of humanity. We’re dealing with our own lives as we try our best to help you with yours. As I think the Harrison Ford character says, “Messed up people can help other messed up people” or something like that. There’s hopefully some humility involved.The listener email is from a daughter asking if the insecurity she feels – fear of “messing up” – has anything to do with the fact that she and her mom were enmeshed…AG1 New GenerationVital Links: Blogpost on building self-confidenceAdvertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Parenting is hard. It may be the most ambiguous job you’ll ever have. Not only do you have to wait literally years to see what the “finished product” truly is – you have to get through adolescence and social media influence and screen time and drug use and hurt from relationships and broken bones and just basic screw-ups on your part – but there’s no guaranteed rule book.Parenting has stages...Today’s episode is on the stage of parenting, where you leave the “teaching” stage of parenting to the “consulting” stage. You move from having a very central, controlling role with your kids to a less primary, but still very important role. You don’t tell them what to do necessarily – but you offer guidance. And if they fall, you help them get up. You show your belief in them – you don’t try (as hovering helicopter or even worse lawn-mower parents do) to make sure they’re not facing any obstacles. You may think you see the obstacle before they do – but they’re grown. And they’ve got to live out their choices – just as you did. Or hopefully you did.We’ll be using three different listener comments or questions – and as always, thank you for writing in!Advertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!Find out what your "true age" is! Go to https://trudiagnostic.com/selfwork to sign up and get a discount for being a SelfWork listener!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Therapy-misspeak – overusing the terms used by psychologists and doctors and therapists – has blown up in recent years. Words that are used in the mental health world to diagnose or describe certain mental illnesses or traits of mental illnesses have become part of everyday language. But not in a good or accurate way.The trend seems to be leading… not to better mental health – but to a dilution of the actual pain or hardship that is mental illness as well as to hinder you learning how to talk more plainly about your emotions or experiences.Things to remember about therapy-misspeak: Not all jerks are narcissists.No one has one day where you have bipolar disorder or OCD.A reaction isn’t a trigger.Getting hurt isn’t necessarily trauma. It’s important but it’s not necessarily traumatic.Imposter syndrome isn’t the same as feeling initially overwhelmed by something you’re trying to do or become.Self-care isn’t as powerful as self-respect.Borderline isn’t you feeling out of control.Panic is more than feeling anxious.And toxic? Poisons are toxic. And maybe something is poisoning you. But you’ll grow a lot more if you describe what feels poisonous to you.Today’s listener question isn’t a question. I was very touched by the words this listener wanted me to hear – and told her so.Vital Links: HuffPost piece: “Dealing with a narcissist” - all jerks aren't narcissists.Early SelfWork Episode on narcissismResearch article on therapy-misspeakThe Instagram account of Raquel the capacity expertAdvertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!Find out what your "true age" is! Go to https://trudiagnostic.com/selfwork to sign up and get a discount for being a SelfWork listener!Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Danielle Elliot, a health and science journalist and host of 'Climbing the Walls,' dives into the fascinating world of ADHD in women. She discusses the recent surge in diagnoses, revealing societal neglect and the unique challenges women face. Elliot shares personal stories that highlight the struggle with executive functioning and rejection sensitivity. She also examines the hormonal influences on health, particularly in women undergoing postmenopausal changes, and emphasizes the need for more research and understanding of ADHD's complexities.