The SelfWork Podcast

Today we’re focusing on what are termed borderline traits as well as different types of borderline personality disorder.There are many people, primarily women, who struggle with it, without knowing what to call it. In fact, it wasn’t a “diagnosis” until 1980. But that certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t real before that date.Having any kind of personality disorder is tough. What do those words “personality disorder” mean? We’ll go over that (you may be wondering if you or someone you love may struggle with that). And today, we'll be covering two distinct and contradictory fears of those having borderline traits. We'll also focus on four different categories within the borderline framework that Dr. Christine Lawson uses in her fantastic book, Understanding the Borderline Mother. Her whole approach is so that you, as her adult child, can learn how to have a relationship with her – with certain guardrails put in place.Vital Links:Mayo Clinic article on personality disordersThe classic book on borderline personality disorder “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me”SelfWork episode on nine ways to work through the guilt you may feel with a BPD momSelfWork episode on how you can never be enough for someone with BPDPsychology Today article outlining the two major fears of someone with BPDSummary of the four types of BPDAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!  Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.

Dr. Whitney Caceres, a pediatrician and author behind Modern Mommy Doc, shares her wisdom on prioritizing values over relentless over-functioning. She delves into the stress mothers face, offering practical strategies to escape the high-functioning burnout cycle. The conversation touches on redefining success, reclaiming parental intuition from social media, and setting healthy boundaries. Whitney encourages embracing imperfect parenting and the empowerment that comes from focusing on what truly matters—your values and priorities.

Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists, the first what she calls covert, the second malignant. I’ll describe those terms, so you’ll know what we’re talking about. But she described herself as feeling hopeless about her ability to trust anyone again.What brought these stories together in my own mind was not only that the two stories were about narcissism. But how both listeners conveyed a sense of not knowing how to heal or which direction to go where their lives wouldn’t be so painfully affected by their narcissistic parent or ex-partner.Vital Links: Duke Health proposes an acronym - SPECIAL MEArticle with Dr. Margaret's advice on dealing with narcissism:Hormone Replacement Episode with Donna WhiteAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!   . Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst. So, when you meet someone that you like, trust, or respect, and they tell you they understand and have lived what you're living? Gone through what you're going through?You figure out shame has been lying to you all along.Today we’re going to talk about just that. First how shame talks to you through an inner dialogue that’s always commenting and often criticizing you. Second, how shame lies to you. I’ll tell you the details of my own battle with shame. And how I learned to acknowledge the power of its lies. And third – how you can stop that from happening. Or at least become much more aware of when shame is yapping away at you. You can challenge it and even turn down its volume so you can make decisions free from shame’s voice.Here’s a hint – you want to challenge it. You choose to believe differently about yourself. That becomes your innermost desire – and the freedom you can find is astounding!The Listener VoicemailThe listener voicemail today is from an older mom who says to me, “I just don’t want to carry the pain of disconnection.” She realizes in a very poignant way that her pain and depression has to do with being the youngest child of 12 in her family but now doesn’t feel connected to her grown children “except when they need something.” We’ll tackle what she might can do to feel the connection she yearns for – and my answer may surprise you.Vital Links:My own Psychology Today article on shame's lies to me and how I overcame them.Advertisers Links: Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your new subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Leslie Gray Streeter, a veteran journalist and author, shares her insights on grief and family dynamics. She discusses how her writing career, sparked by her memoir 'Black Widow,' evolved into her new novel 'Families and Other Calamities.' Leslie delves into her personal journey of single parenting, navigating the challenges of loss, and the complex emotions tied to family relationships. Her candid exploration offers a blend of humor and heart, making her story both relatable and inspiring.

Explore the fascinating world of attachment styles and their roots in childhood. Discover how these styles shape your adult relationships, and learn that change is possible. Delve into the strengths and challenges of anxious and avoidant attachments. Find out how awareness can help you shift your relational responses. Hear practical tips for managing conflict in relationships, and understand how secure connections can foster stability. Plus, insights on navigating intimacy for those who struggle with loneliness or shame.

Today on SelfWork, in this "second time around" episode, let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. What's self-sabotage? When you're doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the way of achieving something or creating the life you say you want.I want to talk more about the fear that’s underneath self-sabotage. Perhaps it’s not sabotage at all. It’s really one part of you – the part that’s afraid – protecting that fear or avoiding it. So, what can seem as if you’re “getting in your own way” can actually be your mind working to keep you safe from a fear that you may be conscious of, or not conscious of at all.The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from a woman who’s realized that, in order to have a sense of control, that she not only lives out her plans for today, but tries to complete things early – things she might have a plan to do tomorrow – she does today. And yet as she says, “That’s not how time works." Loved her comment and wanted to share.Advertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The discussion centers on the growing influence of personal branding and its implications for success, particularly in a social media-driven world. It raises concerns about the pressures of perfectionism and their toll on mental health, especially among youth. The complexities of enmeshment in family dynamics are explored, spotlighting the emotional impact of caretaking roles. A listener's inquiry highlights the struggle to set boundaries with family, while the importance of self-defined success over societal expectations is emphasized. Therapy and support resources are discussed as essential tools.

Today we’re going to focus on AI (Artificial Intelligence) and how it might be used as in psychology and specifically in therapy. It’s interesting to see how people are responding; some states are banning its use, either to protect the jobs of people who’ve studied and received degrees (as is happening in many professions) or to warn of mistakes that AI can make or harm it can do.There was dramatic and heart-breaking example of this happening just this week. I'd already recorded this episode but then heard about 16 year-old Adam Raine who was allegedly admitting to ChatGBT that he wanted someone to stop him from killing himself. You can hear ChatGBT's alleged answers in this episode. And if it's found to be true, it's not only tragic but it's highly dangerous. I cannot imagine how his parents and loved ones are coping with his death which seemed to be extremely preventable.I’ll give you my thoughts and my own experiences with ChatGBT thus far. Maybe a few reminders about what my experience as a therapist suggests to me about the pros and cons of a chatbot as a therapist.Our listener voicemail today is from a mom whose son has successfully launched from home and has a job where he’s finding success. But she sounds as if she’s grieving that he’s not more physically present or doesn’t call all that often. So I’ll add my ideas about her situation and how you, as both the parent and the now launched “child” or young adult can do to keep the relationship going strong.Vital Links:Adam Raine's tragic suicide and its alleged links with ChatGBTAn empty nest article with ideas about letting go with intentionAdvertisers Links:Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, The SelfWork. Podcast with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands